asalamu alaykum all my dear brothers and sisters in islam. may Allah grant u all many rewards for helping people and being kind towards one another, ameen.
my husband and i have a serious problem. my youngest child who is not from my husband has accused my husband of child molestation. my children have been taken out of our home and have been placed with paternal grandparents. she has given the counselors and police a very vivid description. my husband is beside himself. he is a muslim from birth and i am a revert alhamdulillah. i know deep down in my soul that my husband could never do this and he is worried that even without proof he will go to jail. he swears by Allah that he could never do such a thing to a child be it his wife's or any other. he didnt use to pray all the time but he has started back and swears he will never stop again. we talk about this every day and we just dont know who could have done such a thing to her. she told my husband this past summer that a friend she has told her that the friends brother makes the friend to things to him. and i believe my child has absorbed this information and believes it has happened to her. i also believe that she is jealous that she has to share her mom with someone else. for 7 years it was just us 4 girls. and she is wanting it back the same way.
i am so afraid for my family. please help with du'a.
I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. But although children make up stories they seldom lie about being sexually abused. Did you notice a change in your daughters behavior towards your husband? Did she seem quiter/withdrawn or become clingy towards yourself?
I am not saying your husband is guilty. But do not let his oaths and sudden decision to start praying close your eyes to the possiblities. Keep and open mind where the welfare of your child is concerned.
Whatever the truth is, it will come out. Where there is no physical evidence of sexual abuse, child psychologists can determine the truth by getting a child to act out what has happened using toys to re enact scenes that the child says have happened.
Please don't at this stage believe that your child has made this up because of something she's heard from other people, or even out of jealousy. This hasn't been proven yet. Sometimes to protect ourselves from the horror of such things, we allow ourselves to believe that it never actually happened.
While your husband seeks/needs your trust, your daughter needs to know that her mother is there for her come what may. Don't let her down at any cost. She may never forgive you for it for the rest of your life.
You have our support sis - I will be sure to make duas for you. Be positive and remember to make dua yourself - wake up at midnight and pray 2 nafl and ask Allah to sort it all out for you. Have faith and be strong.
Peace
“Verily passion turns kings into slaves, and patience turns slaves into kings…Do you not see the story of Yusuf and Zulaykha?”
my youngest is 9. my other 2 girls are 13 and 19. they dont believe my youngest's accusations. my youngest did tell me that she wants it back the way it was before my husband came, just us girls. my children are with their paternal grandparents for the time being and the grandparents do not believe her story either.
my husband hasnt taught me exactly what to say during prayers but i do listen and talk to Allah and ask him to help us with this mess. i talk to Allah throught the day. alhamdulillah when my daughter was CHECKED at the clinic i was told to take her to, there was no evidence. surely if my husbad supposedly put his private part into her private part, something would have shown up.
we will be consulting with a lawyer today.
wow that must be shocking sister
may Allah help u, and may the truth come out soon insha'allah, ull be in my duas
it was very shocking. ffended:
insha allah. all i want is the truth no 2 stories can be exactly the same between 2 different people. and this is what my child has done. she told my husband about a friend of hers that her brother does things to her and i was not told about this until the police had my children. my husband wants me to quit smoking and doesnt want me to stress as that makes me smoke more. and when i aked my daughter about her friend she said it is the same that her step father does to her. Ya Allah. my husband and i cant see why she would make such a horrible accusation.
I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. But although children make up stories they seldom lie about being sexually abused. Did you notice a change in your daughters behavior towards your husband? Did she seem quiter/withdrawn or become clingy towards yourself?
I am not saying your husband is guilty. But do not let his oaths and sudden decision to start praying close your eyes to the possiblities. Keep and open mind where the welfare of your child is concerned.
Whatever the truth is, it will come out. Where there is no physical evidence of sexual abuse, child psychologists can determine the truth by getting a child to act out what has happened using toys to re enact scenes that the child says have happened.
Please don't at this stage believe that your child has made this up because of something she's heard from other people, or even out of jealousy. This hasn't been proven yet. Sometimes to protect ourselves from the horror of such things, we allow ourselves to believe that it never actually happened.
While your husband seeks/needs your trust, your daughter needs to know that her mother is there for her come what may. Don't let her down at any cost. She may never forgive you for it for the rest of your life.
wa'alaikum aslam
no muslimah_sis, her behavior never changed. she has asways been a story teller. always trying to get people into trouble. my middle daughters friend was spending the night 1 time and she had to sleep in the extra bed in my youngests room. she told my husband the next day, i had gone to work, that my youngest woke her in the middle of the night and was fondling her. trying to kiss her and some other things. when she said she was gonna wake us and tell, she said my youngests face turned to something evil and she told her to back off. when my husband confronted my child about this she said the friend made her do it. then he took her to my middle child and her friend in the livingroom. told them what she said. the friend said she never did. then my husband told my youngest that she will not be in trouble if she told the truth. she then said she did it, but didn't know why.
could my child possibly be possessed? i'm beginning to think yes.
my youngest is 9. my other 2 girls are 13 and 19. they dont believe my youngest's accusations. my youngest did tell me that she wants it back the way it was before my husband came, just us girls. my children are with their paternal grandparents for the time being and the grandparents do not believe her story either.
thank you again.
She is only young then! (I have a son the same age)
I gather you haven't been married very long?
It must be difficult for her to adjust to the new situation ...
I was about that age when my mother remarried (she had been widowed for 6 years) - and I disliked my stepfather intensely for many years. In fact, I never quite got used to him becoming the head of the family, when we had managed perfectly well on our own (my mum and us three children) for so long!
What will happen next? How can your husband demonstrate his innocence??
Will this have to go to court?
I am assume once such an accusation has been made, it is in the hands of the authorities - even i you daughter retracted her statement?
What ever is going on in your family, and whatever the outcome will be, I pray that you will settle down to be a loving and caring family unit, where everybody feels accepted and loved!
If I was you I wouldn't worry too much about giving up smoking right now ... there'll be a better time for that, when things are less stressful for you!
Peace
Peace glo
Here I stand.
I can do no other.
May God help me.
Amen.
Come, let us worship and bow down •
and kneel before the Lord our Maker
[Psalm 95]
could my child possibly be possessed? i'm beginning to think yes
Please don't stress yourself with things like that!
Your daughter may be feeling very unsettled and not sure where she fits into the new family composition.
Thinking of her as 'possessed' will do more harm than good!
Please try all other avenues (counselling etc) before you go down that route!
Peace
Peace glo
Here I stand.
I can do no other.
May God help me.
Amen.
Come, let us worship and bow down •
and kneel before the Lord our Maker
[Psalm 95]
my youngest is 9. my other 2 girls are 13 and 19. they dont believe my youngest's accusations. my youngest did tell me that she wants it back the way it was before my husband came, just us girls. my children are with their paternal grandparents for the time being and the grandparents do not believe her story either.
thank you again.
Sorry sister but there is a possibility that the girl is saying the truth. Try talking to her and listen to her story (Next time keep a close look on your daughter just in case).
Be a slave to ALLAH and life will submit to you.
Rebel against ALLAH and you will be a slave to life.
sister, remember that all this is just a test from Allaah to strengthen your faith.
Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, "We believe", and that they will not be tested? [Qur'an 29:2]
We did test those before them, and Allah will certainly know those who are true from those who are false. [Qur'an 29:3]
But please stay patient, keep your duty to Allaah and put your trust in Him.
And whosoever keepeth his duty to Allah, Allah will appoint a way out for him,
And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And if any one puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is (Allah) for him. For Allah will surely accomplish his purpose: verily, for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion.
[Qur'an 65: 2-3]
So keep praying to Allaah continuously, because the more a person prays to Allaah for help, the more Allaah will respond to his/her prayers insha'Allaah.
The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said:
"There is no Muslim on the face of the earth that asks Allah for anything except that Allah gives it to him, or averts from him a similar evil, as long as he does not ask for something evil or for breaking the ties of kinship" (Al-Tirmidhi).
The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said:
"The supplication of a slave continues to be granted as long as he does not supplicate for a sinful thing or for something that would cut off the ties of kinship and he does not grow impatient.''
It was said: "O Messenger of Allah! What does growing impatient mean?'' He (Peace be upon him) said, "It is one's saying: `I supplicated again and again but I do not think that my prayer will be answered.' Then he becomes frustrated (in such circumstances) and gives up supplication altogether.'' (Sahih Muslim)
So be constant in your prayers, and leave your trust in Allaah, because if you give up on Allaah - who else can we turn to? no-one.
Also try to learn how to perform the salaah because this is a really important pillar of our faith. You can learn how to pray and learn the words etc. off the following link insha'Allaah:
She is only young then! (I have a son the same age)
I gather you haven't been married very long?
It must be difficult for her to adjust to the new situation ...
I was about that age when my mother remarried (she had been widowed for 6 years) - and I disliked my stepfather intensely for many years. In fact, I never quite got used to him becoming the head of the family, when we had managed perfectly well on our own (my mum and us three children) for so long!
What will happen next? How can your husband demonstrate his innocence??
Will this have to go to court?
I am assume once such an accusation has been made, it is in the hands of the authorities - even i you daughter retracted her statement?
What ever is going on in your family, and whatever the outcome will be, I pray that you will settle down to be a loving and caring family unit, where everybody feels accepted and loved!
If I was you I wouldn't worry too much about giving up smoking right now ... there'll be a better time for that, when things are less stressful for you!
Peace
peace glo,
i really dont know what will happen next. we talk to a lawyer later this afternoon. my husband has never been accused before in his life and he has been around children all his adult life. he truly believes that children are a blessing from Allah and not to be harmed in any way.
we have been married for almost 4 years. and when he first came to america, my youngest would try to kiss him on the mouth because that is the way just us girls did. he told her is is wrong to kiss that way and gave her his cheek. everything was fine until this past summer when my middle childs friend started hanging around. and my youngest had a friend coming around for a while and she would go to her house sometimes.
i went through all the same crap when i was young. from 5 yrs to 13 i was molested by neighbors, friends brothers, friends family friends, and my older brother. i turned very quiet. but my youngest has always been vocal and nothing has changed in her behavior. she will be starting her monthlies soon and her hormones may have a big impact on her thinking.
my oldest had accused her father of sexual abuse and he was never arrested for it for lack of proof. but she still claims her father did it.
insha allah everything will be fine. thank you for your prayers.
When I was young, I was told such things at school. Just for our own benefit... as if something was to happen to us by our parents we should just call 911 and they will get arrested.
I being raised in a muslim family with good values, I knew that nothing would ever happen... and alhumdulillah it never did... but at the time I thought what if the kids wanted to pull a prank on their parents just because they didn't get their way... it would be so easy for the kids.
Well, I think this is exactly what happened, but, your youngest doesn't know of the consequences.
Like you said, your eldest daughter tried to pull the same thing on her father; I'm guessing your youngest is following the same trend.
Inshallah, everything will turn out ok. As far as the trust and the unity in family is concerned... I'm a little worried about that. Are your kids muslims?
May Allah guide and strengthen you all as muslims and as a family. Ameen.
When I was young, I was told such things at school. Just for our own benefit... as if something was to happen to us by our parents we should just call 911 and they will get arrested.
I being raised in a muslim family with good values, I knew that nothing would ever happen... and alhumdulillah it never did... but at the time I thought what if the kids wanted to pull a prank on their parents just because they didn't get their way... it would be so easy for the kids.
Well, I think this is exactly what happened, but, your youngest doesn't know of the consequences.
Like you said, your eldest daughter tried to pull the same thing on her father; I'm guessing your youngest is following the same trend.
Inshallah, everything will turn out ok. As far as the trust and the unity in family is concerned... I'm a little worried about that. Are your kids muslims?
May Allah guide and strengthen you all as muslims and as a family. Ameen.
W'salaamz,
Hamid
salam hamid,
i too am worried how i will react if the children are ever allowed to come back home and my husband is found innocent. my youngest has put such a depression on me, i dont know if i will ever shake it. as for your question. sadly no they are not. i am an ex christian, although my husband and i do try to teach them about islam. they know that jesus was a prophet and not the son of god.
i really dont know what will happen next. we talk to a lawyer later this afternoon. my husband has never been accused before in his life and he has been around children all his adult life. he truly believes that children are a blessing from Allah and not to be harmed in any way.
we have been married for almost 4 years. and when he first came to america, my youngest would try to kiss him on the mouth because that is the way just us girls did. he told her is is wrong to kiss that way and gave her his cheek. everything was fine until this past summer when my middle childs friend started hanging around. and my youngest had a friend coming around for a while and she would go to her house sometimes.
i went through all the same crap when i was young. from 5 yrs to 13 i was molested by neighbors, friends brothers, friends family friends, and my older brother. i turned very quiet. but my youngest has always been vocal and nothing has changed in her behavior. she will be starting her monthlies soon and her hormones may have a big impact on her thinking.
my oldest had accused her father of sexual abuse and he was never arrested for it for lack of proof. but she still claims her father did it.
insha allah everything will be fine. thank you for your prayers.
peace
I'm sorry to hear that you have a history of abuse yourself!
That must put extra pressure on you and bring back bad memories.
God bless you, sister.
Peace glo
Here I stand.
I can do no other.
May God help me.
Amen.
Come, let us worship and bow down •
and kneel before the Lord our Maker
[Psalm 95]
I'm sorry to hear that you have a history of abuse yourself!
That must put extra pressure on you and bring back bad memories.
God bless you, sister.
hello glo,
actually my past has taught me what to look for, and i am seeing nothing different in my daughter. usually if she is telling a lie, she is almost pulling her clothes off, but when she tells the truth there is no fidgetting or pulling. and she always looks me in the eye when it's truth. but with her lies i get no eye contact which is what i get when i ask her about what happened. this is all just making my husband and i so crazy and stressed. our home is not a home anymore. it's too quiet. it has been 8 days since my children were taken from me and not 1 day passes that i dont cry. i am always asking Allah to guide my daughter to the truth and to help us. i have faith that he will. he has already helped twice in this mess. 1st he made it so i could give the children to their grandparents who live just across the street. and the doctor found no evidence which i have been praying for.
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