wear da scarf but do evryfink non muslims teenagers do please help me!

**Angel** · 06-08-2007

im sorry i forgot to add this is from a sister i now who asked me to post it for her as she couldnt it herslef i hop u can al help her guys

**hi wel dis hard for me to say but i need seriuos help, i wear the scarf right and i wear long skirt and long dresses like normal typical muslim girl, but thats where all my reliegiousness ends!
da instend i step out of the house im like another girl i dont mean i take my scarf of or anyfink dear god no!
no i do wah normal teenagers my age do ,talk with guys flirt wit them, have a laugh and even giggle and smile at them.i hug them i let them hug me and u no all the teenagey stuff!! i dont wana do that anymore i wana stop i wana be the good girl my family takes me to be i wana be a good muslimah and im struggling with my self.
i dont know what to do im desperate. if my family found out i would be dead, i rather die than have their disappointment in me show, or look at me as if i betrayed them i couldnt handle i just couldnt. i realy realy realy need help im out of my mind as to what to do i try to stop but i just cant.all my friends are non muslims i only have two muslim friends and they are like not da religion type if you no what i mean.

i wana stop how do i stop plzz plzz pplzzz plzz help me
im realy desperate i would try to do anything just to stop. i dont wana be 2 people one that my family thinks is good and religious and one that my friends think is cool , wonderful and flirty and wild
i wnana be one person and that is to be what my family think i am
i hope u guys can help me
thank you for taking time to read this** this is the end of her message

i did try to help but im only one person she needs all of ur help

**zaria** · 06-08-2007

As Salaamu Alaikum,

Sis make du'a to Allah Ta'ala. I can hear in your post that its in your heart to stop. maybe you should change your surroundings of friends since they are doing it and peer pressure is on you to do it, try not to hang around them so much until you feel that you can be around them and not be tempted to do as them. One of the first things to make you better on the deen is surrounding yourself with some positive knowledgeable muslims. I pray that Allah Ta'ala makes it easy for you. Allahumma Amin.

**Abdul Fattah** · 06-08-2007

MAshaAllah seems your friend already knows all the right answers but only needs encouregement, may Allah subhana wa ta'ala guide her.

**Umar001** · 06-08-2007

Maybe she can ask herself why she does what she does and tackle the reasons behind it, also tackle some of the means to the actions, i.e. friends, clothing and so forth.

Most guys would feel 'intimdated' to go and hug a sister covered properly in black or something.

**00:00** · 06-08-2007

i wana stop how do i stop plzz plzz pplzzz plzz help me
im realy desperate i would try to do anything just to stop

Tell the truth there ain't much we can say to help you change, its down to you. You say you wanna change, than change. What do u wanna hear from us. You made the first move regret, not wanting to go back to that lifestyle, now u gotta make that move.

**tryinghard** · 06-09-2007

Assalamu alaikum sister,

I feel for what you're going through. As a Muslim teenager who has been living somewhat of a double life (one at home and one at school with friends), I understand completely how you feel. And I assume you feel both ashamed at behaving improperly and worried that your family will find out, but at the same time you want to be liked and accepted by your friends. Well, let me tell you that it is not easy to do, but you have to change your behavior. True friends will accept you regardless of whether you are like them or not. I understand that you feel pressured to behave in certain ways, but you really need to set boundaries for yourself. You need to discuss with your friends what is acceptable and what is unacceptable. If you feel uncomfortable doing this, perhaps its time for you to find new friends, especially Muslim friends, perhaps by joining the youth group at your masjid.

Its easier said than done, but you have taken a good first step by regretting what you have done and realizing that you need to change. Next, you need to ask Allah SWT for forgiveness and then resolve never to act this way. And make constant du'a to Allah SWT because not only does He forgive but He will help you as well.

**Angel** · 06-09-2007

the reason she is acting dis way is she thinks her family are hard on her, they dont let her go out wit her friends and all, they are always constly on her case too or thats wah she told me,, i told her al the finks u guys said to help her and she reli feels warmed by ur help,

in her school they arent many muslim pple or dey r but not reli religious muslims friends at all, that can help her in the straight path
i would love to help her but we dont live near each other we just meet sometimes and i do tel her a few finks but i thought she also needed other peoples help
but u guys helped alot and im sure she appreciates it

she is scared that if she changes she wil be classed as boring and un interesting

**ScoobyGurl** · 06-09-2007

Aww...*hugs* to your friend and you.

When I was a teenager it was hard for me too. You want to follow the deen but you want to fit it too. I went to an all girls hs so I didn't mix with boys but I can only imagine that going to a co-ed school makes things that much harder. Are there young people at the masjid near your friend? It is hard to find a lot of Muslims in non-religious school but some masajid have youth organizations/committees? Maybe she could find some friends there who will help her to reinforce her Muslim identity. She knows what she's doing is wrong so that's a start. It sounds like she needs to be around more Muslims her age.

**Ashley** · 06-10-2007

i agree with the sis,Angel i think you should help her find some muslim people her age near her area and a mosque too so that she can start fresh and do the rigth thing

man its been such a loong time since i came here been realy busy
but im bak!!!! yyeyyeyeyyeey

**Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн** · 06-10-2007

Well all I can say is I've had a bunch of friends or had people think of me that way cause I refused to be "cool" like them, at least in their definition of it. People tried talking to me in "different" ways but I never let it get to me. So they always respected that and eventually stopped after the first shot lol. Even some of the "Muslim" girls in my school I didnt talk to cuz I wasnt flirty, wild and whatever like them. Just by being that proper Muslimah InshaAllah, people will take interest into how you can be what you are and why you do what you do. Trust me, it happens. And I think letting strangers hug u is a bit disgraceful, jus to your sanity and morality. Cause eventually you tend to go nuts with that and keeping wanting more of it. Thats how I think of it. Your inviting them in into yourself by letting them get a glimpse or feel of u. Everything good you are or have shouldn't be given off so easily for free. No stranger, who doesnt respect your modesty, is even close to deserving of it. I hope Im not gettin too discriptive lol. But Alhumdulillah you already know its something you should change. You should be thankful for that, that Allah(swt) is guiding you because not many people get the drift. So InshaAllah everything will be alright.

**islamirama** · 06-10-2007

It seems you are what many teenagers are today, at the very least such people can be labeled hypocrites and most they they are making mockery of Islam and Allah.

How? well you dress all islamic and what not (outward hijab) but you lack everything that hijaab represents (inward hijab). Flirting, hugging, and doing everything the kuffars do, imitate them in all that haraam, so what does that make you if not one of them as the prophet *saws* mentioned.

Also, it's not just limited to you. You are harming the Muslimahs and Islam. You have giving the perception that your other islamic sisters who cover like you are also loose and relaxed like you, who cover only but they'll hug and flirt and do all that haram stuff to. You are putting them in a bad spot and if a kuffar is to treat them the same way and they don't respond in the haram manner you do, then they will be labeled extremists rather then dignified and firm on faith person.

here is something to reflect on...

Taking them as friends in general terms, taking them as helpers and supporters, and throwing in one’s lot with them. Allaah forbids all this, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): “O you who believe! Take not the Jews and the Christians as awliya’ (friends, protectors, helpers, etc.), they are but awliya’ to one another…” [al-Maa’idah 5:51].

Compromising with them and being nice to them at the expense of one’s religion. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“They wish that you should compromise (in religion out of courtesy) with them, so that they (too) would compromise with you.” [al-Qalam 68:9]. This includes sitting with them and entering upon them at the time when they are making fun of the Signs of Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And it has already been revealed to you in the Book that when you hear the Verses of Allaah being denied and mocked at, then sit not with them, until they engage in a talk other than that; (but if you stayed with them), certainly in that case you would be like them…” [al-Nisa’ 4:140]

Prophet (S) said, There will be a day when my ummah will follow the non-believers inch by inch, cubit by cubit so much so, if they enter a lizard hole; my Ummah will follow the nonbelievers in that hole.

Imitating the kaafirs in dress, appearance, speech,behavior, etc., because this indicates love of the person or people imitated. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Whoever imitates a people is one of them.” (imagine being raised up on Judgement day standing in the group kuffars rather then Muslims?)

Touching them, hugging them, etc.

Rasulullah S.A.W. said, "It is better for a man that a steel nail be driven through the centre of his head rather than if he touches the palm of a strange women."

Prophet S.A.W. said, "The one who touches the hand of a woman without having a lawful relationship with her, will have an ember placed on his palm on the Day of Judgment." (Takmalah, Fath alQadir)

Also, the prophet S.A.W. said that you will follow the deen of your friend, and to choose friends among those who are good and not bad.

The good news is that are you are aware of your actions, alhamdulillah and recognize the need to change. What you need to do is ask yourself some hard questions, like

Is your aim to please Allah (by obedience in every aspect) or is your aim to please your friends (by doing haram so that you are accepted by them)?

Inshallah the following should help.

1. Distance yourself from such people who call you to haraam, you shouldn't eve be close friends with the kuffars let alone give them hugs and flirt.

2. you should find good muslim's company, check out the local community, check out the masjid and spend more time there in islamic activities so you can find good sisters to make friends.

3. Instead of socializing with the peopl that call you to haraam. visit this forum or other islamic sites and read up on Islam and interact with the Muslims here as it will help you in your knowledge and emaan.

4. Stop the haraam stuff you do with them, tell them you are trying to be more islamic and get closer to God so you can't do all that. If they respect you then they'll respect your actions, if all they want is the haram then they weren't your friends to begin with.

may Allah make it easy for you and strenthen you on this path inshallah

**Angel** · 06-11-2007

i forwarded all the things u guys said to help my friend and she appreciates now its up to her to either take ur advices or leave it, i pray to god she does
i reali feel 4 her, she isnt so bad she jus neds some1 2 help wit her deen
insha allah she wil redeem herself and becom good muslimah

**Angel** · 06-11-2007

Originally Posted by Ashley

i agree with the sis,Angel i think you should help her find some muslim people her age near her area and a mosque too so that she can start fresh and do the rigth thing

man its been such a loong time since i came here been realy busy
but im bak!!!! yyeyyeyeyyeey

by da way ash babz welcome back been to lond since u was here lol
hop the wedding was good