Well, here's the deal. Over the past few months, I've commited and addicted to the particular sin of masturbation, and no matter how hard I had tried, I just could not escape the burning desire to commit it again, or what you could call, "withdrawal "symptoms", and every single time I asked for Allah's forgiveness, and every single time I broke my promisers to him yet again.
But beginning from the new year, I made a resolution not to commit it again, and suprisingly, it made me abstain from this activity for almost four weeks, which was a record achievement that I had never amulated before in my life, and my desire for commiting it again dimished over time, and everytime an urge came up, I duly repressed it with ease.
But that was until today, and it may sound silly, but these were the series of events that led up to my sudden relapse. Today, I had had a fierce argument with my parents (which in restrospect and foresight, I now regret) even deciding to lock myself in my bedroom in rage, as a desperate way of negotiating with them.
However, they ignored me, and I resolved to stay in there until they were forced to talk to me, but this proved easier said than done. As I sat there in my room, I began to cry, lamenting on how it all ended up to this, and during this momoent of extreme emotional vulnerability, the urges that I would have otherwise passed off, suddenly overwhelmed me, and I didn;t have the energy or willpower to ward them off.
Soon, managed to settle things out with my paernts and unlock myself out of the bedroom, but before I could carry on with my routine as normal, ym spectaclesw, which I had thrown away, suddenly went missing, and I couldn't enjoy my weekend as planned, such as gong outside and riding my bicycle, or opening the first poages of a really good book I had borrowed from the library, or even watch my favourite TV program.
All the while, those thoughts and urges, which were so deeply embedded in ym mind as a result of that vulnerable moment, to just shrug off, stayed with me, and it soon grew as my frustration increased, and there was nothing to do. It soon came to a moment, in which it was too compulsive, and I couldn't muster the capability to resist, and I fell back to it.
Now, I don't know with what words I should approach Allah with in my Dua, and whether he wil forgive me for it, and most importantly, whether Allah will inflict a punishment on me, that I'm particularly frightened of. In relation to the question, is there any way I can know of or tell if Allah has forgiven me off a sin?
Re: Can you know or tell, if Allah has forgiven you of this sin in particular?
On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (Peace be upon him), from among the things he reports from his Lord (mighty and sublime be He), is that he said:
A servant [of Allah's] committed a sin and said:
O Allah, forgive me my sin. And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for them. Then he sinned again and said: O Lord, forgive me my sin. And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for them. Then he sinned again and said: O Lord, forgive me my sin. And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for sins. Do what you wish, for I have forgiven you.
It was related by Muslim (also by al-Bukhari).
You continue repenting no matter how much times you do the sin, giving up the repentance will simply cause you to distance away from Allah. Shaytan does not want you to repent, so he whispers to you that Allah will not accept it. While Allah wants you to repent, and He loves your repentance, and will reward you for that repentance so long as it is sincere, therefore you intend never to do that sin again - even if you do fall into it in the future by mistake.
When you gave up your mistake from before, you repented - And you were successful in that for a while. This may have been a sign that your repentance was accepted then. When you slipped back to the sin, you fell into error but you felt guilt. The greater you feel your sin is, the more likely Allah will forgive you - because you realise that you have gone against the boundaries which Allah has set.
Repent to Allah, explain to Him your situation as to why it occurred - He understands all that you are going through, and you will find Him the Most Merciful, the Most Forgiving. If you do not repent to Him, you will have no helper, and shaytan will betray you. He will tempt you to sin, and when you fall into it - he will make you feel that Allah can never forgive you. You need to fight that temptation, but if you fall into it - then you have to repent and fight his whispers of 'Allah will never forgive you.'
You need to keep yourself occupied and your mind busy. You know this because you've explained before that you try to keep yourself occupied with other activities. If you feel that this isn't always helpful, especially if you want to relieve your stress - then maybe pick up some sports that you can do for fun? This is a better and safer alternative. Hang out with good friends more often so you cant approach that sin. And continue asking Allah for help to make you successful in this life and the next.
If your repentance is accepted, you may be able to stay away from the sin longer or permanently insha Allah. That might show that your repentance is accepted. If you repent sincerely and Allah accepts it, He will change your bad deeds into good. [Surah Al-Furqan 25:70]
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Can you know or tell, if Allah has forgiven you of this sin in particular?
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