Honoring Parents & Grandparents who are Doing Wrong

**serafina** · 12-24-2005

Salaam everyone.
I have a problem that's been bothering me for some time. In May I learned that my mother and her husband (my step-father) have been using cocaine for some time now. It has gotten to the point where my younger brothers and I would sometimes only eat a meal once a day and things that we have received have come up missing never to be found again. They both have some non-Muslim religious background...Also because of this, my brothers are living with my grandparents. The problem there is that my grandfather is verbally and sometimes physically abusive to my grandmother (she is a pastor in the Christian church) and others around him (verbally). She only defends him when this happens. Lately I have been so angry with the above family members that I find myself hating there very presence. What do I do? How do I honor them when they are hurting the family?

Sorry this is so much... Any advice would be appreciated

**Ghazi** · 12-24-2005

Originally Posted by serafina

Salaam everyone.
I have a problem that's been bothering me for some time. In May I learned that my mother and her husband (my step-father) have been using cocaine for some time now. It has gotten to the point where my younger brothers and I would sometimes only eat a meal once a day and things that we have received have come up missing never to be found again. They both have some non-Muslim religious background...Also because of this, my brothers are living with my grandparents. The problem there is that my grandfather is verbally and sometimes physically abusive to my grandmother (she is a pastor in the Christian church) and others around him (verbally). She only defends him when this happens. Lately I have been so angry with the above family members that I find myself hating there very presence. What do I do? How do I honor them when they are hurting the family?

Sorry this is so much... Any advice would be appreciated

Dear sister, In islam were told to respect our perents even if we don't agree with them in any situation, if the situation becomes violent at any time ask for some space, but don't close the ties of kinship trie any communicate better ,seeking counsoling make dua if this applies to you.

**Muhammad** · 12-24-2005

Greetings,

What you have described is a complicated situation, and the Q&A's that I have linked to below may not be directly relevant, but I hope you will understand their messages, God-willing. If you are still unclear or need further advice, please let us know.

Dealing with hurtful relatives

He is complaining that his mother mistreats him

Problem between a daughter and her mother

Who are the kindred (arhaam) with whom one must uphold the ties of kinship?

I hope these are of help to you, and I sincerely hope that your situation improves - may Allaah help and guide you, Aameen.

Peace.

**serafina** · 12-30-2005

Thank you both for your help. The Q&A website was very helpful as I did not know about this before. Again, thank you all...

**akulion** · 12-30-2005

Salam Alaikum

May Allah swt help you and ease your burden ameen

Also some advice: You may want to look into drug addicts rehabilitation groups to try and help your parents.

some sites for you

http://www.800cocaine.com/

http://www.thetreatmentdirectory.com/

Insha'Allah they will aid in some way

**Tasneem** · 12-30-2005

I know this may be hard for you
But just do it for the sake Of God

Its very hard for me and my family to have a nice lovely conversation
with my grandma and great-Grandmama:confused: :mad: :enough!:
[MAD]They keep saying the -j word!!!:enough!:

:rant::eek: [/MAD]
Thank God my Granddaddy accepted islam

If you cant be around them without getting mad try to stay away from them
Ask God to help you

With God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!!!

SaLaMz

**sapphire** · 12-31-2005

may Allah help you inshallah ameen...........remember we cannot say anything hurtfulll or raise our voice or be rude etc to parents even if they are non-muslim!!!

**afriend** · 12-31-2005

Astaghfirrullah.....I have a bad problem that needs solving.

I am sometimes rude to my parents and answer back 2 them and stuff...
Som1 please give me some advice on controlling my anger.

Note I turned baaligh not too long ago and I am finding it very hard to control my anger nowadays....But I never used to be like this!

:mad:

**afriend** · 12-31-2005

Originally Posted by islam-truth

Dear sister, In islam were told to respect our perents even if we don't agree with them in any situation, if the situation becomes violent at any time ask for some space, but don't close the ties of kinship trie any communicate better ,seeking counsoling make dua if this applies to you.

"Turn to Allah ... And Allah is the Owner of Great Bounty." (Surah ali-Imran; ayah 174)

So just turn to Allah...Allah is the giver of bounties inshallah there will be comfort for you.

Also:

"so verily, with the hardship, there is ease.
Verily, with the hardship there is ease." (Surah Ash-Sharh, Ayah 5-6)

So from this you can see that with 1 hardship there are 2 eases...So Just Be patient Indeed Allah is with those who are patient(Quraan). And ask him for help only...

Hope this helps. Inshallah you will overcome this by the help of Allah.

Ameen.

Honoring Parents & Grandparents who are Doing Wrong

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