My family and friends dont want me to use this site or go to halakhas.....

**Mustafa16** · 01-14-2017

I had a family friend come over as a guest recently....he used to live in the United States, and then he moved to Turkey with his wife, but after the political turmoil in Turkey they came to the States as political refugees...
he advised me not to use this site as he says I will become radicalized or arrested.....he says he and his wife have grown concerned about me over my "extreme beliefs" and attribute it to using Islamic forums...he says many people on these sites are extreme, even violent, and can brainwash me, and that many even work for western intelligence to track 'terrorists' my father has said the same thing, saying he fears I will be radicalized.....I don't know what they mean by "radical beliefs" I have started believing, but I think they are referring to my belief that beard growing for men is fardh, that music is haram, that insurance is haram, that violence in self defense of tyrants is necessary through targeting of the country's military and police (I was saying gulenists should have fought for their rights in turkey).....that marrying a Christian or jewish woman in non muslim lands is makruh, and marrying a woman who was not muslim, Christian, OR jewish was haram, (he called this bs, for the lack of a better term...im paraphrasing).....
he claimed that my rhetoric has been changing over the past few months, and he grew concerned.....
my mother described the mosque I was going to for halaqas in the past as promoting "strange" beliefs, and of possibly being salafi, and the family friend advised me to avoid them, and said that even in regular mosques, the man sitting next to you could be a terrorist....he also said he has credibility because he did research on Islam for his master's and doctoral theses and dissertation, (he's an international relations professor, and he is also Muslim)....
my mother has forbid me from using this site, but I find I learn a lot about islam here, and that I also get much support....what should I do?

***charisma*** · 01-14-2017

Assalamu Alaikum

It's sad to hear that your family judges people and this site through speculation and not real proof.

But if you stopped coming on to this site, what else would you be doing?

What is being taught around you, and how your family was raised is different from what you are discovering. You have to be confident enough to understand your beliefs in order to have a proper discussion with them. It's easy for some people to get influenced by the people or places they choose to spend their times with, but in Islam we have to be conscious of our beliefs and not just be "Musliim by name." And yeah sometimes when you start realizing the truth and practice more of your faith, those who don't may see it as "extreme" because they live a life of doing what they want to do and ignorance.

**greenhill** · 01-14-2017

Allah gives us mind to think and 'reason'.

While what he says may have some truth, it could be applied everywhere. Do you think Facebook has non of what you described above?

Anyway, I know what your friends and relatives saying negative things about IB is false. We promote the understanding of Islam. I would be banned by now for promoting peaceful islam… ha ha.. I have been a regular here for a few years and I see calm and reflective members (on the whole although there are those with no compromise), and I also your confusion...

I realize where it comes mostly from. It comes from people planting seeds of doubt in your head.

I would classify radical beliefs as being something far different from the norm, hence radical. It does not by definition mean that it is wrong! Just radical. The term extremism, (used to be fundamental), or even terrorism means different things to different people.

To be real honest, I came here to have a 'sieving' mechanism on my thoughts. Just by posting or responding I do get references and feedback from members (which could come from anywhere) to give me better insight or even understanding and maybe to open up a relevant point that has been blind to me up to then. Then it is up to me to research… and I can still come back to the site and ask more questions. And guess what? I have had to occasion where I thought I had the conclusion only to have a response to say it may not stop there…

Another thing is that if it remains like this for you, with your friends and family's belief about the potential of sitting next to a terrorist in a normal masjid or meeting up with weird people, brainwashed by extremist with every word you speak to them about learning the deen, perhaps give them the opportunity to make good their worries. Ask them to find you a place to learn from and not just say "No" to everything you say. If they cannot give you an alternative, then you seek your own. I think that is fair.