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Thread: So alone...

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    Limited Member nk1997's Avatar
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    So alone...


    I recently reverted and have no Muslim friends. In fact, all my friends are the type to drink, go out and party and they all treat me so differently now that I don't do the same. There are no Muslim clubs or societies for me to join, the mosques nearby are male only... I know I should trust in Allah swt because he led me to the right path so he will bring me better friends but I am so, so lonely right now. Feel like I can't talk and enjoy with anyone. It's getting me so depressed and making me really struggle with keeping on the deen.
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    IB Oldskool sister herb's Avatar
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    Re: So alone...


    That´s sad but situation may change after some time. But the good thing is that you are now here with us. You can share your thoughts and chat with sisters (check Ladies section). Sisters are here to support you over the hardest times and you also may find real-life friends from here.
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    So alone...

    From Occupied Palestine:

    We have suffered too much for too long. We will not accept apartheid masked as peace. We will settle for no less than our freedom.




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    Full Member Umm♥Layth's Avatar
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    Re: So alone...


    Why did you decide you revert?
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    Limited Member nk1997's Avatar
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    Re: So alone...


    Quote Originally Posted by Umm[emoji813
    Layth;2949359]Why did you decide you revert?
    A change of heart.. I prayed tahajjud once after not having prayed in years and felt so much peace afterwards, started incorporating my salah into my day, and now I'm alhamdulillah praying all five plus tahajjud (apart from the odd day I run out of time for one so do it as qadhaa) and am reading the Quran to understand it regularly. I can't say my life is now all lollipops and unicorns haha, but I definitely look at negative situations with a much better mindset now, which makes them easier.
    I really want to wear hijab, but because of the environment I live in I just don't have the confidence.. if there were other women I could do this with I'd be so much happier. Now I'm uncomfortable without hijab but uncomfortable with it too, it's such an odd situation.. plus almost all the people I know alienated me for just praying. What happens when I change my appearance?
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    Eye Of The Tornado Simple_Person's Avatar
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    Re: So alone...


    Sister, let me tell you something.

    I was born without a father (died in war before i was born), at the age 9 i went to a western country living with my uncle, leaving behind my mother, brother and sister. After 5 years, because of abuse from my aunt, i run away and i became part of those temporary places that kids are taken in. Between the ages 14 to 18 i had moved 8 times from one place to another. At the age 18 i finally went to a place and i stayed there finally to have stable place so to say. My own family that i had in the western country that i lived, nobody cared about me..everybody busy with their own stuff. My two friends never from a young age till even as a adult never knew me or what i experienced or what was going through my head. Loneliness is something that hits you hard, but i do not regret that life even one bit. That live thought me what really is important. It also thought me to be critical and take wise decisions. One of the MOST valuable things that i have learned through out the years, do NOT depend on people. Being help with something or having "fun". Many times sadly people expect one way or the other that you help them with something, that you might for example reject as it might not go with your way of life or mentality. I have sub'han'Allah till this day even got wisdom of what i have experienced back then. I do not feel sad, rather i feel joyful because experiencing those things and realizing that i have could gone astray so much becoming a criminal..killing somebody, dealing drugs or using drugs becoming a alcoholic, or a player, or gambler or whatever. However sub'han'Allah even on my own through many of those years i somehow did not went one of those ways. Knowing this for example, you can only conclude that Allah(swt) was really with me through all those hardships, although i never though of Him, He never forgot me. While, people would already have dropped you without hesitation.

    I have become Muslim again about 4 years ago after being an atheist for about 7 years and what i have seen is that people we THINK are our friends are the ones that LEAST understand us and what we are going through. Just because we one day had something in common, doesn't mean it will always stay like that. The two "friends" of mine, one married and the last 10 years as an atheist and also as a Muslim, he always had his "secret" agenda so to say. Only using people.

    The other "friend" is the type that hears you talk, but never listens what you are trying to say. He wants things to be as things "were"...but he also does not believe in change. Not to forget, he still sees me as the person i was 12 years ago..all lost and my mentality back then of having hatred inside me. He tries to push his values of what he finds important that i also should find those things important. Sadly this friend of mine he was 12 years ago a very optimistic person compared to me back then, while now the most cynical person to hang out with as things haven't gone as he wanted go and expected things to go. All he cares is his goals and i have tried to tell him to be critical of his goals as they might not bring him the happiness that he is sort of searching for. He really cares about what other people think of him and see him. For him this whole life is a competition to with achieving worldly things. You know that type of people that buy something and one could say they have ONLY bought it to show it to other people..look what i have bought it..mine is better than yours. ....I AM better than you..mentality. These cynical people, will not listen to what you have to say. You can do little to help these people as they want you for example to do things, like couple of months a go we went with the car to another city and out of nowhere he wanted to do haram things =_=!. Off course i objected it and later on he said that he does not plan things but acts on impulse. These people CAN NEVER become your friends as long as they are not Muslims. As friends will help each other through everything and join them with all kind of things, but Muslims have their boundaries that they cannot cross.

    I for bigger part keep myself busy as i myself also do not have "friends" so to say. The Muslims at the mosque are one way or the other kind of extreme in their mentality now a days because of what all is happening to the Muslims. In these times to have good friends is a rare thing. These same people that are extreme in their deen, will drop also in extreme lows when their imaan is low. In other words, taking you with them in their drop. So my advice to that, be very careful. Rather being alone with Allah, than being surrounded by people who do not thinking of Allah.

    Keep yourself busy with reading beneficial things, watching beneficial videos. Having even maybe discussions online such as this forum. Often is our mind that feels this loneliness, while for example being on the internet, the mind is suddenly free and not experiencing this loneliness you are talking about. Have a hobby or two as there are A LOT of things to keep your self busy while they also are beneficial to do. When you feel that you are a stranger among people with different mentality now a days, know that you are somehow on the right path. We will experience hardship through all means. As many of us will experience loneliness but our soul can take it, or else Allah(swt) would not put us in these situations.

    Be aware to reach such a stage is NOT easy at all, if you your whole life have experienced social mixing all the time. So switching from one thing to another is seriously hard. Keep in mind to not go all haywire as some people lose it, because of loneliness. Many people think a lot and because of that, lose for example their social interaction. As not being able to socially interact with people if they are in such a situation. However, that you have become Muslim, says a lot about you. That you maybe yourself aren't that type of person that likes to be surrounded by people 24/7. As those people that are surrounded by people 24/7 and like to be surrounded by people 24/7 will be the last people that will ponder about life or search for the truth. They find this 24/7 mixing already the truth and no reason to look further.

    So do not be depressed and when you are feeling it, go and pray. As often it is lack of not being able to talk to somebody, so go and talk to Allah(swt). As He hears us and always hears us.

    Also if you need to talk to somebody..a real person, i am sure there are some sisters who want to talk.

    Peace and take care
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    IB Oldtimer azc's Avatar
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    Re: So alone...


    Quote Originally Posted by nk1997 View Post
    I recently reverted and have no Muslim friends. In fact, all my friends are the type to drink, go out and party and they all treat me so differently now that I don't do the same. There are no Muslim clubs or societies for me to join, the mosques nearby are male only... I know I should trust in Allah swt because he led me to the right path so he will bring me better friends but I am so, so lonely right now. Feel like I can't talk and enjoy with anyone. It's getting me so depressed and making me really struggle with keeping on the deen.
    sister, glad to know of you. Welcome to IB family. Hope you will see here nice female friends.
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    So alone...

    Allah (swt) knows best

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    Full Member Umm♥Layth's Avatar
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    Re: So alone...


    The right thing to do is distance yourself from those that you call friends who are only doing things that will drag you down. I've been Muslim for over a decade, Alhamdullilah. My family pretty much deserted me (other family drama created this distance to be fair) and I have one person who I call a friend. I could easily go and make more friends, but I've chosen not to because they would occupy alot of my time. Maintaining relationships takes time and work and oftentimes people will drag you down with their drama and problems. Until I run into somebody with similar goals and views as me, I prefer to stay this way

    I've learned that you don't need friends and you don't NEED social circle. As you get older and more mature, you'll realize how necessary time alone is in order to grow in your Islam and develop in your skills, whatever those may be.

    I know it feels lonely right now, but it will pass. Take this time to focus on your interests and pursue them.

    As far as hijab, you'll just have to gather the courage someday. If you can't right now, then dress as modestly as possible. Pin your hair up in a bun so it doesn't show and wear loose clothing to cover your curves.
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    IB Oldtimer greenhill's Avatar
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    Re: So alone...


    Quote Originally Posted by nk1997 View Post
    .. plus almost all the people I know alienated me for just praying. What happens when I change my appearance?
    They have already alienated you... how much more can they alienate you?

    Be strong and remain patient.


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    So alone...

    As long as my heart does beat, I shall live, not lie
    For when my heart does stop its beat, with truth, I die.

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    * Tawakkul * noraina's Avatar
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    Re: So alone...


    Going towards Islam can be at times a bit of a wake-up call, when you begin to distinguish between those friends who are good for you, and those that don't. I did lose a few close friends, and that really saddened me at first. But then, I really realised the essence of this hadith:

    "It is better to sit alone than in company with the bad; and it is better still to sit with the good than alone." (Bukhari)

    You don't need to become a social recluse lol, but we also shouldn't excessively socialise anyway. Both extremes are bad. When we get rid of all that unnecessary 'background noise', we can actually start hearing and listening to the needs of our heart and soul.

    I'm not saying you shouldn't have friends, but be very selective in your company. You said Islam has given you peace and happiness alhamdulillah, if your 'friends' have failed to recognise how good Islam is for you and are leaving you because of that, maybe they aren't worth all that. A friend is someone who encourages you to do good, and who you can feel yourself around.

    And btw, here on Islamicboard, there are so many wonderful sisters you can speak to whenever you want in'sha'Allah - you'll soon be feeling as if you've actually met them all in 'real life' .
    So alone...

    Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, Thabbit Qalbi Ala Deenik
    Oh turner of the Hearts make my heart firm on Your Deen







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    Limited Member Halallover's Avatar
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    Re: So alone...


    I understand the hardships you are going through sister as I went through the same. After reverting I found I had no friends that were the same as myself (a Muslim) and the mosques around me I hadn't visited yet. Sister please be patient and stay strong in your trust in Allah (swt). If you need a friend i have no problems in messaging. I am new to the forums and always open for more friends who are sisters.
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    Walking On Water Scimitar's Avatar
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    Re: So alone...


    Quote Originally Posted by greenhill View Post
    They have already alienated you... how much more can they alienate you?

    Be strong and remain patient.


    This ^

    Free from the influence of hellfire, you can now spread your wings.

    Scimi
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    So alone...

    Some people just wanna catch pokemon, while the world burns

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    Super Moderator Muslim Woman's Avatar
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    Re: So alone...




    sis , welcome to Islam.

    visit our new Muslims section. U may find useful tips. May Allah bless and protect you fron all evils.
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    So alone...

    Christ will never be proud to reject to be a slave to God .....holy Quran, chapter Women , 4: 172

    recitation:http://quran.jalisi.com

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    Re: So alone...


    You are not alone!

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    CagePrisoners.com 'Abd-al Latif's Avatar
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    Re: So alone...


    Quote Originally Posted by nk1997 View Post
    I recently reverted and have no Muslim friends. In fact, all my friends are the type to drink, go out and party and they all treat me so differently now that I don't do the same. There are no Muslim clubs or societies for me to join, the mosques nearby are male only... I know I should trust in Allah swt because he led me to the right path so he will bring me better friends but I am so, so lonely right now. Feel like I can't talk and enjoy with anyone. It's getting me so depressed and making me really struggle with keeping on the deen.


    Do you live in the UK?
    So alone...

    And verily for everything that a slave loses there is a substitute, but the one who loses Allah will never find anything to replace Him.”
    [Related by Ibn al-Qayyim in ad-Dâ' wad-Dawâ Fasl 49]



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    Limited Member nk1997's Avatar
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    Re: So alone...


    Thank you for your advice everyone, alhamdulillah I've been praying over my situation and its true, perhaps Allah swt is removing all the negative influence from my life to help me be closer to Him. There was a quote I read last night from Surah Al-Ankabut that read "Do the people think that they will be left to say, "We believe" and they will not be tried?" . This really stuck with me - maybe as a believer this is my first most trying test and I just have to keep faith that Allah swt will bring me better.
    At work yesterday I got a niqaabi as a customer, asked her for her number and I'm meeting her tomorrow.. subhanallah Allah swt always comes throughSo alone...So alone... she's a lot older than me but at least it's a start. Inshallah through her I'll be able to learn more and maybe even finally get the confidence to wear hijab.
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    Limited Member nk1997's Avatar
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    Re: So alone...


    Quote Originally Posted by 'Abd-al Latif View Post


    Do you live in the UK?
    Yes I do, I study in Lancaster but am from East London

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    Limited Member nk1997's Avatar
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    Re: So alone...


    Quote Originally Posted by Reminder View Post
    You are not alone!
    Hi! Thank you for your message. Yes, I'm just trying to read as much as I can around Islam and inshallah make peace with my past. The system won't allow me to answer to your other message unfortunately. Where are you from?

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    CagePrisoners.com 'Abd-al Latif's Avatar
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    Re: So alone...


    Quote Originally Posted by nk1997 View Post
    Yes I do, I study in Lancaster but am from East London
    Have a look at this link http://www.fajr-literary.com/?p=1102. In addition to the sisters that are willing to help on the forum I can try and find out about sisters and Muslim organisations in your area that are willing to help. Perhaps if you meet more Muslims in person it will help you to feel better inshaa'Allah.
    So alone...

    And verily for everything that a slave loses there is a substitute, but the one who loses Allah will never find anything to replace Him.”
    [Related by Ibn al-Qayyim in ad-Dâ' wad-Dawâ Fasl 49]



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    Full Member Sadat110's Avatar
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    Re: So alone...




    Use Sport to be Active , Read Quran , Learn other language and I think raedy for marriage is the bests Path.
    In other way , If you can , travel to other country.
    Read Books and about prophet SAWA and Ahlulbayt a.s.


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    Full Member Umm♥Layth's Avatar
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    Re: So alone...


    Quote Originally Posted by nk1997 View Post
    I read last night from Surah Al-Ankabut that read "Do the people think that they will be left to say, "We believe" and they will not be tried?" . This really stuck with me - maybe as a believer this is my first most trying test and I just have to keep faith that Allah swt will bring me better.
    .
    This is why I initially asked you why you reverted. I'm glad you had this epiphany

 

 
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