Basically i started practicing a year ago, and i also started wearing the hijab. Initially it all went good, my emaan was at it peak and i was really content with wearing teh hijab, and had no worries about anything life would throw at me. But God knows what happened and after a few months of wearing teh hijab, i started fall back, my emaan went down, i got involved in bad stuff even some haram stuff. It all seemed like it was happening without my knowledge and as soon as i would come back to my emman i would ask for forgivness but then somehow fall back again.
I have been struggling with this for sooo long, and recently my hijab has also been on and off. I can't compromise with Allah, i know what i am doing is wrong, and i really don't want to wear teh hijab with the wrong reasons. Somwtimes i feel i need a fresh start t build up my emaan and wear the hijab with teh right intentions and giving up everything. But at the moment it seem like i'm not getting this thought into my head, and i feel like i'm wearing teh scarfe only as a compulsion, and i really don't want to feel that way for the hijab.
I really don't know what to do, and i have been fighting with myslef for some time now. Some ppl said to me that maybe i'm just not ready to put on the hijab and i ned to sort out my self b4 this. I really don't know if tehre is a grain of truth in that, but sometimes it feels like that is the case. I'm really confused an in need of some advice.
May Allah increase you in Iman and keep you steadfast upon His religion.
I don’t think you put on the Hijab with the wrong intentions. At first you put it on to please Allah right? Because your iman was strong Masha Allah. But like many people you fail due to weakness of Iman, you just need to work on your iman Insha Allah.
Choose good companionship this is extremely important.
The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said,
"A person is upon the Deen of his khaleel (close friend), so look to whom you befriend."(Abu Dawud & Tirmidhee)
The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said,
"The case of the good companion and the bad companion is like that of the seller of musk and the blower of the bellows (iron-smith). As for the seller of musk, he will either give you some of the musk, or you will purchase some from him, or at least you will come away having experienced its good smell. Whereas the blower of the bellows will either burn your clothing, or at least you will come away having experienced its repugnant smell." [Bukhari & Muslim]
Allah says:
"And remember the Day when the Zaalim (wrong-doer, oppressor, polytheist etc.) will bite at his hands, he will say, 'Oh! Would that I had taken a path with the Messenger. Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had never taken so-and-so as a friend! He indeed led me astray from the Reminder (this Qur'aan) after it had come to me. And Shaytaan is ever a deserter to man in the hour of need'." [25:27-29]
My sisters in Islaam, you have a great responsibility in this country. You have a great responsibility in this country and that responsibility is for you to stick to your deen. And push others to stick to their deen and not to look at anything that is outside of this matter. And not to be swayed by any obstacles or challenges that may come from anyone even if they are from amongst other muslims or if they are from your family. But upon you is to stick and hold onto your deen. No matter what the case is, no matter what the circumstance. It is a matter that you stick to your deen even if it is like holding onto burning coals. Even if its like holding onto hot coals, you must stick to your deen. And in sticking to your deen, there is a great reward. The Prophet sallallahu alayhe was salaam stated that there are three qualities that if an individual possessed it, they would taste the sweetness of Eemaan. And amongst them he said, is that individual who hates to go back to kufr as Allah subhana wa ta'alaa saved them from it as much as they would hate to be thrown into fire. So sister you must stick to your deen, you must stick to your Islamic dress, you must stick to your Islaamic behavior and you must not be similar to the enemies of Allah in their dress or manners or behavior. For the greatest matter is the deen of Allah tabaraka wa ta'alaa. And I give you glad tidings , and this is glad tidings from the Prophet sallallahu alayhe was salaam for the believing women, for the Muslim women in which he says: " If a woman prays her five daily salaah , and she fast her month of fasting and she obeys her husband and guards her private parts then she will enter Jannah from any of the eight doors of Jannah that she pleases."
Dear Sis
May Allah Subahanahu Taala help you and strengthen your emaan.
I remember one of the hadith at this time, when one of the sahabi came to the holy prophet of Allah and complaint that when he sits in his company, he feels very good and strong in emaan whereas when he goes in the market or outside of the MASJID, he feels the SHAYTAAN is occupying him in his waswasa. Then the prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) replied, it is not a problem. It happens, you just need to stick with you emaan and seek help from Allah. (I remember this hadith as I wrote)
Dear Sis, Emaan is something what increases and decreases with the passage of time, all we need to do only seek Allah's help all the time and spent more time in getting more nearer to the people who are working for the sake of Allah and Islam.
Recite Quraan more and keep your self engage in AZKAAR. Pray for me as well.
Masalam
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