Bismillah alhamdulillah wa salatu wa salamu 'ala rasulillah
wa Aleykum salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu
I would like to say that both you "Anonymous" and "Nightstar" have described me pretty accurately.
And somethings you have mentioned are not good at all, and inshaAllah, that will change. We as people need to realise that sometimes to succed, it takes babysteps and not running to convince some people. And sometimes it's just running that helps.
You say:
I am can be quite sensitive. You know, I get annoyed, offended, angry quite esaly.
"I feel insecure about a lot of things. I barely have confidence. "
and
"I have wiswaas in prayer, it takes me twice as long to pray. "
Now thats something you need to deal with inshaAllah.
This is All from shaytan wa Allahu alem.
As I said, you two described me pretty good, I have waswas in tahaarah (na'udhu billah), it could take me 1hour for me to do whudhu (!) and up to two hours to make ghusul.. Can you believe that? I was standing there and just rubbing my feet over and over again, and then shaytan told me, you havent rubbed that spot even if your not supposed to rubber your feet.
Now it doesn't even take 10 minutes (I have a bit left to work on but inshaAllah it will work out).
The main thing is to get hold of correct knowledge and also have it described to you. And whenever you get the waswas, you think back on the knowledge and don't care about the waswas because you know you have done correct.
I get a feeling of that you are a bit depressed? I have also been in that situation, feeling depressed and angry and all. The prophet Sallallahu aleyhi wa sallam has taught us du'a that should be said when feeling distressed, you can find them and others here:
http://makedua.com/display_dua.php?sectionid=35
"Another thing on my mind: My mother. I duno what to do. Shes always does what my sis tells her to do. Against me! Ican/cant do this, because my sis complains to her. Its killing me. I don’t want to disobey her, but I feel that im slightly losing respect for her, which will make me disobey her/to listen to her."
If you could try to talk to your sister, because, she might have some problem with you, so you two can sort it out. Or try to talk to your brothers or other sisters and let them talk to your mother/sister. But don't let it continue, don't let them attack you through your mother.
Also because of what my sis has put me through, I feel antisocial. I feel that im so through with people. I feel that im ‘over’ people. Isolation is becoming dear to me. I just want to be by myself.
Allah swt didn't create man to be alone. Just for an example; The prophets had companions, they were not alone. Musa had Harun. The prophet had AbuBakr, Khadija... Not to talk that the sunnah of the prophets is to get married, this can't be rejoiced with isolation.
Prophet saws said: Allah's hand is over the Jama'ah.
Not over isolation. If you know sisters on msn or yahoo, don't mistrust them, ask THEM for help, they know you, they can help you. When I had it worst, I chatted with brothers on msn and it really helped.
And Abu Dharr (Allah be pleased with him) reported from the Prophet (Peace be upon him) that, "Two are better than one, and three better than two; so stick to the Jama'ah for verily Allah, Most Great and Glorious, will only unite my nation on guidance." (Collected by Ahmad)
إِنَّ كَيْدَ الشَّيْطَانِ كَانَ ضَعِيفً
Lo! the devil's strategy is ever weak. (AnNisa' 76)
If you feel insecure, shy, lack of confidence, maybe you are timid?
Read more here:
http://www.islamtoday.com/showme2.cf...sub_cat_id=790
Just wanna add: if you can ask your mother WHY she doesn't like your friends do it, she maybe got a wrong picture of your friends and that you can tell her that it's not that way. Maybe she will change?
I don't know if this text is any good but inshaAllah it will atleast bring more good than bad. If it doesn't, ask me to remove it inshaAllah.
Salam Aleykum wa rahmatullah