I'm losing energy

[anonymous]

salam

i am the same girl that posted her problems related to the drunk and neglectful father. i am so distressed right now. Allah guided me in that i understand what it takes to be a believer and understand life for that matter.

lately, things have hit rock bottom. life just pushes you down to your knees, i swear this is the case. it pushed me to my knees real hard over the past two months and i dont know if i can go on any longer. there are enormous family problems, i was born into these problems, i NEVER had a choice to live a happy environment but somehow Allah gave me patience and the ability to look on the bright side, He has given me success in my education so far. but i don't know for how long i can keep looking on the bright side.

i am gradually losing all of my hopes, i am on the verge of giving up. i have important exams next month and i cannot concentrate on my studies at home because of my dad, and the fact that i have to act like a soldier all the time in the household. on the other hand, i overthink of the ummah situation, and know i should be doing something to help but i cant because i have a horrible situation right here, which is creating barriers around me, barriers that unable me to move on. i try not to cry, i try to contain myself. what is God trying to do to me? is He trying to push me over the limit so that i suddenly give up and become hard-hearted? i believe not, so that is why i continue to contain myself and play it tough, but this toughness is making me lonely too. i am fighting my own battle, i cannot be as normal as anybody else. when i look at other's normal lives, how happy they are, they get along with their families, they have a comfortable upbringing, good education, easy going day to day experiences, i wish i can be in their shoes. i want a normal life. i never knew what it was like to lead a normal life. i am tired of fighting. i am exhausted.

i just need Allah the most right now, He is there, but sometimes i feel that He is only making tests harder for me. i am a failure, i have failed myself and the people around me, maybe wasn't tough enough. am i not a good believer? what will it take for Allah to change the conditions around me? haven't i proved to be patient, putting others before myself, and containing myself? i changed what's within myself everyday yet Allah hasn't changed my conditions.

where do i go from here? i am very tired brothers and sisters, and i am only 20 years old. i don't know, i feel lonely, i have to keep re-assuring myself but it's not enough. maybe i am a failed believer, that is why Allah hasn't changed the conditions.

[AvarAllahNoor]

Do you have family or friends you can talk too? you sound like you need assistance. They would I presume help.

[Ebtisweetsam]

Your situation is so truly sad, Subhanallah. May Allah give you patience.
I agree that you need to find someone you can trust and talk to. Sometime things are in our head for so long that it makes you believe they are true, even though it may be far from the truth.

тαℓк, туρє, ¢нαт, ωяιтє, вℓσg..... ιт αℓℓ нєℓρѕ ∂α мιη∂. уαℓℓαн, вιѕмιℓℓαн....

[------]

:salamext:

Dua - The weapon of the believer

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[IbnAbdulHakim]

subhanAllaah


surely Allah tests those he loves

surely the true mu'mins are strangers in this world

happiness comes from within not from what appears ordinary outwardly.

do you know how many families have problems hidden deep within? subhanAllah the more i grew the more i realised that our family wasnt the only one with problems. You see every family has it, some moreso then others but every family definitly has it. It hits one after another like rocks but you should NEVER think its too much because had it been too much it wouldnt have hit you! the fact that your still believing PROVES its not too much, you CAN handle it. SubhanAllah people need to realise it is NOT easy to arrive at the gates of jannah, there are those who go through diseases/punishment in dunya/agony of death/punishment of the grave/spend time in hell and THEN arrive at jannah. There are those who do not even ever arrive! are you not glad that your a muslim with a hard life that you may arrive in jannah quicker then others?


increase your emaan and your sabr will be increased.
just browse this forum may Allah grant you jannah


Ameen


Assalamu Alaikum

[------]

:salamext:

^ Its not as easy for everyone to increase their Imaan....it takes time SubhaanAllaah...

I suggest you listen to some lectures InshaaAllaah.

[Souljette]

Agreed it takes time...but sis remember..Allah wouldn't throw any obstacle your way if you couldn't handle it..the person wit strong emaan gets their level of obstacles to test them..don't lose faith..bcuz that's all u hv to hold on to..and trst me sis evry1 luks like a happy family outside..bt in reality everyone has their own problems..i've lived in many households and i've seen it..i've had frnds who in the beginning looked happy bt really had so many problems..bt i respect them bcuz after hvin so mny problems they still hold their head high and say.."I can do this" ...I want you to confide in someone you trust bcuz when you have some1 by you ...you feel better..inshallah I pray that everything will be ok with you

[anonymous]

Thank you everyone that gave their time in reading my situation, and to those that replied. may Allah bless you all and give you sabr and happiness.

AvarAllahNoor, a couple of my Aunts know about this and often lend support, my dad's brother, in other words my Uncle is very dear to me, he is there to help but we haven't been in touch for two years. Alhamdulillah i have many friends but i don't wish to open my problems to them, i don't want to burden anyone. I find solace in actually being happy around friends. But you are right, i probably need to open up with somebody that i trust, however i feel that i am old enough to handle this one by myself. I think this one is personal between Allah and me, it is more than just family problems, it is about whether i am approved by Allah on this Earth as His trustee, whether my eemaan is good enough.

Ebtisweetsam, thank you, you are probably right. i have opened up on here quite a few times, maybe this will suffice. but i am trying my best to make this as realistic as possible. i am doing my best in education, i've applied for a job this summer, i do some voluntary work at the masjid and community whenever i can, these things keep me going and assure me that change will take place in the future. but everytime i carry this tension with me, knowing i have to return home and see my father drunk and angry and at the same time sad, i know i could be helping him but he just doesn't let me. then i have to see my mum under tension, and always needing support, and my siblings. i just want to see my brothers and sister fly, go out there with confidence and not carry such tension. i've been thinking about the family's welfare since day one, and it's exhausting me. but let's see where my eemaan and time takes us.

IbnAbdulHakim, you are right. i have to make myself realize deeply that i have to prove to myself that i am tough, and that can only be proven if my eemaan grows. i remember someone a year ago that told me that a believer is not defeated except by his own hands. and this is what i fear, i fear giving up, i fear that i will fail to Allah. i cannot even think of jannah too much right now, i dont have the time room or space to think too much of what jannah can offer because i am more worried of whether Allah is pleased with me. He is so Great, I am so small compared to Him. I just need His love and guidance, I can live with anything, I am prepared for it, but what I cannot live with is this uncertainty, whether Allah is pleased with me or not... I know I could be doing more otherwise the situation would've improved. i was watching a video yesterday of a little palestinian girl complaining of the food tasting like gas and her clothes smelling of gas too, her conditions are far worse than mines, makes my problems look small, so i rather be helping those that need assistance the most than worry about my problems, but the more i try to reach out and help, these barriers turn up.

Souljette, thank you for your advice, it is truly comforting, i need to keep my head high and take the hits, take the pain, and know that i have a choice - to either fall down on my knees OR keep going.

Ahlaam thank you for the links, and i also joined the forum to which the link led me to. I will listen to those lectures, i have already listened to and read many lectures, they provide comfort, words of encouragement and wisdom, and they have an impact on me. but when it comes to action, it is a whole lot harder, i just need hidayah, i need Allah. please keep me in your adiyah.

salam

[------]

:salamext:

^ Action is defintely harder, always here if u wanna talk sis X

[FatimaAsSideqah]

As Salaam Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

I am really to hear about your story.

This confirms what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, according to the hadeeth narrated by Abu Hurayrah who said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When Allah loves a person He calls Jibreel and says, ‘I love So and so, so love him.’ Then Jibreel loves him, then he calls out in the heavens saying, ‘Allah loves him, so love him.’ Then the inhabitants of heaven love him, and he also finds acceptance on earth. But if Allah hates a person, He calls Jibreel and says, ‘I hate So and so, so hate him.’ Then Jibreel hates him, then he calls out in the heavens saying, ‘Allah hates So and so, so hate him.’ So they hate him, and he is also hated on earth.”

“Is not He (better than your gods) Who responds to the distressed one, when he calls on Him, and Who removes the evil”
[al-Naml 27:62]

We have been created by the Almighty to be tested and tried (67:2). This trial is conducted through the circumstances we are put in. If we are put through good circumstances, then our trial is whether we remain thankful to the Almighty, who gave us without asking and without our having any right. If we are put through bad circumstances, then our trial is whether we show perseverance and patience in these times or not. Both these circumstances generally come in a person’s life. They are his real test. He cannot be given total happiness or total misery since that would make the trial profoundly difficult.

You can trying to be put it into your mind for next time, Insha'Allah.

We all are your brothers and sisters and we will be here for you, Insha'Allah!

Allah Hafiz
Sister Fatima

[IbnAbdulHakim]

assalamu alaikum

the more you collect yourself, the more stronger you will become, the more you will become focussed and then you can do both inshaAllaah (ur home n outwards dawah efforts)

[Souljette]

Assalamualikum...sis we're here for u...i'm happy to see that you have listened to us and answered to each of us individually...Jazakallah for doing that..now sis I know how it feels when you want to help ppl and you can't evn help your own first..but sumtimes we are left with no choice..help who you know wants help or seeks help inwardly..if they push u away after ur tryin various times then you hv nothing to do..inshallah may your efforts be rewarded Ameen...WE all are here for you..msg us sisters or w.e you want..we'll b here :)

[anonymous]

Thank you righteous lady. jazaak allahu khair for the heart-warming post. Souljette thank you ever so much, i will be sure to message you whenever i need a chat insha'Allah.

i don't know how to repay you guys, you are in my duas. this is the beauty and glory of the ummah - brotherhood, alhamdulillah.

salam

[anonymous]

double post (ignore)

[johan]

:sl:

When Rasulullah Saw and his companion were feeling so down and desperate, they were usually reminded by the stories of the past prophets, their endurance in the struggle to uphold Allah's will and to reject what He forbade.

One of the stories that i'd like to share with you is the story of Ya'qub AS, father of Yusuf AS. You can read the story in the Quran chapter 12. In short, from the perspective of Ya'qub AS the story shows how Ya'qub AS has been so patient when he lost his beloved son Yusuf AS that sent him into tears. The immense feeling of loss have then degenerated his eyesight that he then became blind.

If we would to be Ya'qub AS we would probably questioned Allah for the tragedy. Why should he be separated with his beloved son, why he should lose his eyesight, etc..etc..etc. But Ya'qub AS was a patient and optimistic person. He knew that everything is there for a reason. Even if he didn't knew the exact reason he knew that Allah will eventually help him.

The story ends with rejoicing moments when what has been prophesied to his son Yusuf AS became true.

Our life is no different to Ya'qub AS in terms of the test and the support that Allah will give to us. No one is given more than what he/she can 'bear'.

If your situation doesn't improve even though you've tried you're best to do the right thing than it's a good indication that you are being elevated by Allah's to a higher level of 'bear'-ness.

Even though we don't get the better hand in the world, InshAllah we get it in the after life.

:w:
regards,
Abu 'Ammar

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you anonymous; I thionk you are shwing great stregnth, even if you do not feel like that.

If you live to be a great grandmother, you will more than likely face many problems with the same kind of intensity as you are facing now. I say this because life seems to keep us struggling and we need to search for a coping strategy.

Life is a journey always one day at a time and you just need the strength of mind and body to get through today. You need to push yourself one more time, pray as if everything depends on God, work as if everything depends on the efforts of your brain and your hands.

Tomorrow you just repeat this process all over again.

Here is a simple yet powerful prayer whilst striving for peace in your heart.

Lord grant me the peace and serenity to live with the things I cannot change
Give me the courage to change the things I can.
And give me the wisdom to know the difference.

To understand how the prayer works here is how one lady used it whilst living in London during the second world war. Most days London was being bombed, she had no control over were the bombs would land. She would hear about; and see the death and destruction; her family might be killed, her home or work or shops might be bombed. Yet every day she had to get up, feed herself and her family, and do some work.

The first line of the prayer, grant me the peace and serenity to live with the things I cannot change.

She had to live with all the injustice, fear, anger, hate, death and destruction surrounding her. She could not change what happened yesterday, she cannot change other people. If you continually want to change; or try to change the things that cannot be changed you will make yourself ill.

Give me the courage to change the things I can.

The only thing she could change was herself and what was going on in her own heart and mind. Somehow she would have to keep coping or crack up, she did not know how long this destruction would last. Despite all the problems she directed her prayer to finding peace in her heart.

Give me the wisdom to know the difference.

The last line of the prayer is something you have to work out for yourself , you need to search for the real things that are worth changing and that you can change. Strive to live with loving kindness with all the things you cannot change.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a great mystery; Lord help me to live this day and every day knowing that you hold me in the palm of your hand.

In the spirit of searching for an inner peace

Eric

[jannat]

:sl:

what can i say, Allah loves to test his believers, and indeed his believers are affected by hardships. But remember Inshallah, After a difficult/ hardship there comes Ease /relief. i kind of know how u feel in a sense, i have a challenge myself which i need to overcome, inshallah, and its affecting my life, my studies etc.. i pray inshallah Allah makes its easy for us all inshallah, ameen, and we succeed in this dunya and akhira. in times of need or despair, despite what we know, what our faith says, we sometimes get angry and start to lose hope and start to question Allah, when we shouldnt, and perhaps thats because of weak imaan.

We have all been there, speaking from experience, but with enough imaan inshallah our problems will be solved inshallah. i give this advice to myself before i give to you, try your best to pray salah , make dua, inshallah he will answer you. Be patient---- Easier said than done, i know, but a strong believer will have patience

i have heard from a lecture by Brother Jalal ibn Saeed, may Allah forgive me for any mistakes and please correct me if i am wrong, that Allah says , 'Ask me, and i will answer you', Allah will not leave his believer unanswered, he will answer inshallah, its just a matter of time.

Remember that our prophet Muhammad (PBUH) went thorough much harder problems than we all have, he still remained patient, kept smiling. He had complete trust in Allah.

There is a book which i am reading, called DONT BE SAD,it provides great advice , for when one goes through problems,calamities. its worth reading i highly recommend you read it , i havnt completed it but i read it now and again. inshallah it will be a source of help and guidance as well as the Holy Quran.
details of book:
Name: Dont be Sad
Author: Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qarni
Publisher: International Islamic Publishing House
( might be recommended on this forum in book section, can be found on this link:
http://www.muslimbase.com/product_in...roducts_id=238)

There are a number of duas, which will help inshallah, such as:
There is a Hadith that says 'La Haula Wala Quuata illa billahil
aliyul azeem' is such a great medicine that it cures every disease and
the most minor disease it cures is 'Sorrow' (Gham).

i was sent this dua through a friend, for whenever one is in grieve, is faced with any calmity/ crisis, hardship or grief, then recite the following supplication:
By the truth of Yaseen (a title of the holy prophet(pbuh) and the Quran full of wisdom and for the sake of Taa-haa( another title of the prophet (pbuh)) and the great Quran,
O He who is able to fulfil the desires of those ask,
O He Who knows what is in the heart,
O He Who banishes sorrow from the sorrowful.
O He Who dispels grief from those who grieve.
O He Who is merciful to old men.
O He Who provides for infants.
O He Who needs not to be explained.
Send blessings upon Muhammad and his progeny and fulfil for me..(Mention your wishes)
Hopefully the duas will help inshallah, by the way your not a failure! you can only do your best. if you are afflicted with something and you are doing the best you can , your not a failure, you cant control what is decreed, What Allah wills will happen, you can only do your best to get through something. Just trust in Allah SWT, He will not burden something upon you that u cant bear .Inshallah he will be ther for you inshallah. Live for today, dont worry about tomorrow or the future, leave it in his hands, He is the best of planners.
Muslims are positive people and are not hopeless /helpless inshallah. i have also remembered, give money to charity, doesnt matter how much, the act of giving,esp frequently, may bring you peace inshallah.

Below is a link for Nasheed called ' Allah Knows', its a very nice nasheed, worth checking out, might bring a bit of ease.:)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIEoWSB63hI

I hope my advice will help, i really hope inshallah Allah SWT helps you in your situation, May he make all our affairs easy, may he forgive me for any mistakes in the message Inshallah. Ameen. Remember me in your duas. Take it easy.. keep smiling:D

:w:

[anonymous]

Johan, thank you for sharing such an inspiring story, of both Prophets (AS), who better than them to have exercised patience and forbearance. your post had made me think, that this life is about a struggle, and instead of seeking "paradise" in this world, i should really not expect it in the dunya, rather in the hereafter. please keep me in your dua, that Allah gives me strength and more sabr, and to exemplify the Quran in my actions.

Eric H, greetings and peace be with you too, thank you very much for such a heartwarming post, i love the prayer, it made me realize that the first journey is the journey within, in order to change what is within myself, i need to pay attention to the things i can actually change, and there is a lot i am unable to change. Maybe one day if God wills that I can go beyond this, He will place me in some kind of situation. But for now, I really need inner peace and happiness, just to be as close to God as possible, and to appreciate all that He gave me - my education, family, friends, brothers and sisters of Islam etc.

Sister janat, i will keep you in my dua, i hope Allah makes things easier for you. Jazaki allah khair for your great advice, especially when you mentioned giving charity. I have learned something in life - that giving is better than taking, because the more you give, the happier and at peace you are. I will digest your humble advice and try to act upon it.

I don't know what it is brothers and sisters, it must have been your dua, but I am feeling a whole lot better, more confident and ready to keep my head high once again and face the situation. I am suddenly studying comfortably, and feel an immense rush of confidence and happiness inside me. Verily in the remembrance of Allah does the heart find rest.

Salam

[FatimaAsSideqah]

Johan, thank you for sharing such an inspiring story, of both Prophets (AS), who better than them to have exercised patience and forbearance. your post had made me think, that this life is about a struggle, and instead of seeking "paradise" in this world, i should really not expect it in the dunya, rather in the hereafter. please keep me in your dua, that Allah gives me strength and more sabr, and to exemplify the Quran in my actions.

Eric H, greetings and peace be with you too, thank you very much for such a heartwarming post, i love the prayer, it made me realize that the first journey is the journey within, in order to change what is within myself, i need to pay attention to the things i can actually change, and there is a lot i am unable to change. Maybe one day if God wills that I can go beyond this, He will place me in some kind of situation. But for now, I really need inner peace and happiness, just to be as close to God as possible, and to appreciate all that He gave me - my education, family, friends, brothers and sisters of Islam etc.

Sister janat, i will keep you in my dua, i hope Allah makes things easier for you. Jazaki allah khair for your great advice, especially when you mentioned giving charity. I have learned something in life - that giving is better than taking, because the more you give, the happier and at peace you are. I will digest your humble advice and try to act upon it.

I don't know what it is brothers and sisters, it must have been your dua, but I am feeling a whole lot better, more confident and ready to keep my head high once again and face the situation. I am suddenly studying comfortably, and feel an immense rush of confidence and happiness inside me. Verily in the remembrance of Allah does the heart find rest.

Salam

As Salaam Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

Masha'Allah!!! You do know that we are here for you! More important things of all, Allah always be there for you! :)

Keep going for it, Sister in Islam! Please let me know anything if you have a problems. I will be here, Insha'Allah!

Sister Fatima

[johan]

:sl:

...

I don't know what it is brothers and sisters, it must have been your dua, but I am feeling a whole lot better, more confident and ready to keep my head high once again and face the situation. I am suddenly studying comfortably, and feel an immense rush of confidence and happiness inside me. Verily in the remembrance of Allah does the heart find rest.

Salam

Al7amdulillah,

- Muslims are like a body, when one part in distress the other parts feels the fever as well.
- Allah will help his servant as long as His servant keep helping each other.
(both are the spirit of 7adeeths which i couldn't get a reference in the web)

Please keep me in you're dua as well sister, I hope to take an interview for my next job today.

:w:
Thank you regards,
Abu 'Ammar

[adeeb]

be strong, coz if ure alone, i tell u, ure not.

Allah will always with u...

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you anonymous; this forum is a blessing; there are so many prayerful and thoughtful people here.

I don't know what it is brothers and sisters, it must have been your dua, but I am feeling a whole lot better, more confident and ready to keep my head high once again and face the situation. I am suddenly studying comfortably, and feel an immense rush of confidence and happiness inside me. Verily in the remembrance of Allah does the heart find rest.

You already had that that inner strength and inner peace; no one here gave it to you; it was yours as a gift from God. Sometimes we do not understand our gifts; take some time to reflect on how you have used your gifts. Only two days ago life was pushing you down on your knees.

Life is a journey always one day at a time, and you will have to search for this inner peace and strength constantly throughout life.

Do you know why your father drinks and what makes him angry?

In the spirit of searching for a peace that surpasses all understanding,

Eric

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Alhamdulillah im happy it worked out. Alhamdulillaah


may Allaah keep your sabr and sakeena rising Ameen

[anonymous]

Salam

Thank you fatima, may Allah bless you so much, i will be sure to contact you if i ever need a talk.

Johan, I will keep you in my dua. i pray that Allah has given you what ever is best for yourself, your family and your deen, may He give you success in this interview if it was meant for you. ameen. On a side note, if you dont get a job, keep trust in Allah, you can never imagine the many doors He can open for His servant if you have faith and confidence.

Adeeb, you are very right. Allah is always there, and to Him belongs everything, and to Him shall return everything.

ameen to your dua ibnAbdul hakim

Eric H, i could not have said it better myself. A couple of days ago i was indeed on the verge of giving up, wondering if there is any hope left for anything. after contemplating on everyone's advice, and searching my inner faith, i realized i shouldnt give up so easily, esp at this age, i am too young, and Allah has given me good health and so much more, to give up would mean to destroy my gifts, belittle them and to never know what i could have achieved and done with these gifts. i need to look on what is on the other side of the coin, and on the other side is hope.

In answering your question, i dont know why my dad drinks, he has been ever since i was born, i grew up seeing him getting angry and all sorts, i dont want to recall, but it has been as hard as rock to watch this kind of environment and feel this kind of atmosphere as i grew up. Nevertheless, i used to carry on exploring and discovering life, and never let anything stop me in doing so, but it seems like circumstances had stopped me from discovering way too deep, it put a limit in my childhood and youth energy to explore and discover things - maybe this limit was a good thing? i dont know. but what circumstances did was make me deal with matters as though an experienced adult would, it was out of my capacity to maintain emotions of myself and others, and to look for solutions, and to maintain the welfare of the family too. from the age of 10, i began covering up for my dad's mistakes from his family and from many people. i had to think of my siblings reputation. when he made mum upset or cry, i had to be there to attend her emotions and make her smile, gradually i somehow became independent, the one maintaining the welfare, ive been doing so up to this day, and at the same time my education was getting harder, and many other factors of late-teenhood and hitting the age of 20. and that is why everything was hitting rock bottom and i was giving up, getting tired. my dad points the blame at us, he blames us for every little thing that goes wrong, sometimes i feel like im in the middle of a tug of war between mum and dad, i often choose my mum's side, but whenever i try to do justice and balance my side for both, it all comes crashing down.

i tried to find out why he started drinking, but he NEVER tells me straight, instead he blames me for questioning the parent, and being useless. whenever i am told that i am "useless", i feel emotionally down, because all that i put up with since childhood, he can't see it. just because i am not earning money yet does not mean i am useless. he does not see how much i done for him, i always forgave him and tried to ammend things between mum and him, i never decided to leave the house to go and live with my Aunt or anything, i always chose to stay right here and live to see him and mum happy, but i know he isnt happy, and i know it's probably not his fault. he will never tell me why he started drinking, and why he gets angry, and i probably dont want to know why, but what i do want to know is whether my toil and struggle is improving life for him, mum and my whole family, and whether we can together help the community more often.

since i turned 20, it's been hitting me alot that, wow i've hit adulthood already, where did most of my life go? i gave most of my childhood and teenhood to my parents, i always had the choice - to either spend youth in ignoring the family and doing things that suit me best, but i gave up that normal teen life for them, and along the way i somehow grew closer to Allah. so as soon as i hit 20, i felt a little depressed that i never had a normal life, and that this is my fate, i have to remain like this, and live like this, i guess i was just thinking too deep, i have to open my eyes and see that i am getting somewhere, and conditions will change very soon.

please keep my dad in your prayer, that Allah has Mercy on him and forgives him for everything, and also brings him to justice for whatever is making him sad and angry. We are all humans, we all have secrets, and only God knows best what we're going through, i can say the same for my dad. i dont regret a minute of what happen, i dont need God to bring me to justice for putting up with his anger, it is my dad that probably needs it. i just need God to keep me strong, and to trust Him (swt) more and more.

Thank you for listening, and may Allah bless you all.

salam

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you anonymous;

Your struggle or possibly jihad in life is taking you along a good path; you talk of your continued faith, you understand you have gifts from God to be used, you have hope. You do voluntary work, you help at the masjid, you are trying harder with your education, you help at home, you try and bring peace and forgiveness into your house. You end your post by giving a blessing to everyone on the forum

Some people would have caved in under the same circumstances and given up their education, taken to drinking and promiscuity.

Parents should be giving their children advice and it is not normal for children to have to try and correct their parents. But it seems life is never straight forwards, I can understand the huge problems it must cause trying to live with your father.

Your father seems to blame everyone except himself for his problems; if he is a Muslim he is feeling very guilty for drinking. Possibly he cannot forgive himself, possibly he does not believe that God will forgive him the things he has done. Possibly he blames God or someone else for his problems and he cannot forgive.

Prayer and forgiveness are at the heart of the solution.

Pray for Others to Heal Yourself.

The Prophet was always concerned about other people, Muslims and non-Muslims, and would regularly pray for them. Praying for others connects you with them and helps you understand their suffering. This in itself has a healing component to it. The Prophet has said that praying for someone who is not present increases love.

I have copied this prayer from the forum and used it several times because it sum up beautifully how Allah works. I believe the prayer is understandable to people of all faiths. Sadly at the time I did not copy the name of the person who posted them or were they came from.

I asked for Strength.........
And Allah gave me Difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom.........
And Allah gave me Problems to solve.
I asked for Prosperity.........
And Allah gave me Brain and Brawn to work.
I asked for Courage.........
And Allah gave me Danger to overcome.
I asked for Love.........
And Allah gave me Troubled people to help. (fathers anger and drink)
I asked for Favours.........
And Allah gave me Opportunities. ( you have many)

I received nothing I wanted
I received everything I needed
My Prayer has been answered.

In the spirit of praying that you find a peace that surpasses all understanding,

Eric

[Souljette]

I agree with evrythng Bro Eric saidd.>Great post ^^^...

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Souljette;

I agree with evrythng Bro Eric saidd.>Great post

Thank you, BUT....

You must be very careful in how you listen to any advice given. The person giving the advice does not have to suffer any consequences if things go wrong, you carry the full burden yourself.

I say this in the hope annon may find some inner strength, and in a way to reinforce the notion that it is by her efforts and with God’s help that she will find a solution and peace.

In the spirit of praying for peace

Eric

[Souljette]

Agreeddd

[Amat Allah]

Asalamo Alikom

You must be very careful in how you listen to any advice given. The person giving the advice does not have to suffer any consequences if things go wrong, you carry the full burden yourself.

you are quite right my dear brother....

sister anonymous:

we are all with you my dear ,we won`t forget you in our dua`a inshaa Allah ,just be strong and I know you are inshaa Allah.

Allah says:"Verily,along with every hardship is relief " sura Asharah (5)

so,don`t worry cause everything is going to be OK.inshaa Allah..

I am asking Allah (SWT) to guide you and your family to the right path and give you more and more strength to be patient to solve all your problems...

and may Allah (SWT) ease your pain and protect you and your family from the torment of the hell and reward you with Al Jannah and make you the happiest by seeing his magnificent face...

praise be to Allah and peace and blessing be upon his messenger Muhammad...

Ameeeeeen

your sister:

Amat Allah

[Danah]

Al Salam Alykom every one
I was follwing what was written from the begining, but sorry I dont have anything else better than what my sisters and brothers said before. all of them did great may allah grant them and us Jannah in sha allah
sister I am really happy that you are feeling better now. may allah increase your happiness and make you stronger in sha allah.
may allah grant you Sabr in sha allah. sister if you have a look around you, you will find that there are many many people who are suffering worse than you. that will make you feel a little bit relax and will make you thank allah that you are better than those.

sister, thank Allah hardly that you are not having trouble with your emman. the worst kind of testing is if Allah put you in fitnah with your deen and emman.
Alhumdulilah that your emman is not affected with what happened to you. you are very concerned whether allah is pleased to you or not. even when you are on this hard situation you are working very hard to insure that you did not anything wrong to Allah (thats in my opinion is the most important reawrd from allah). many people easily gave up when they faced small problem, many of them lose their faith and eman and become disobedients only becuase they thought that Allah hates them and they are not satisfied with him, but for your case I think that you are still asking Allah for forgivness, you are very careful to be a good beliver . Alhumdulilah for that
be strong sister and always know that there are many people who are in worse situation

[anonymous]

Thank you Eric H my brother in humanity, your post is very uplifting for me. I guess I really need to concentrate on how to deal with this problem efficiently. It is true what they say, prayer is the weapon of the believer, there is nothing like prayer. I felt the warmth and confidence in my heart whenever praying for any person, troubled or not. It definitely makes humans understand one another better.

I will keep both of those quotes in mind, and I will try my absolute best in growing confidence, determination and wisdom in this situation, so that I can replace what ever anger or weakness I carry with compassion and strength.

Amat Allah my sister, thank you for your advice and kind words of encouragement.

SAYA, thank you very much for your words of encouragement and good advice. There are indeed many people out there in worst positions than me, and I really would like to put them first, but how can I if I am not victorious of my inner journey and situation? Maybe this very problematic situation that I've been seeing in the past 19 years is a test from Allah to prove something to myself, to see if I will ever be a safe, generous and decent helper for mankind? That is why your prayers mean a lot to me, so that I can overcome this dilemma and strengthen myself in my own problems, in order to give a helping hand in empathy for those that are suffering more than me. My suffering is NOTHING compared to the many that are suffering in the world, and even compared to my father, who has bottled up a lot of suffering in his life... Thank you everybody once again.

May Allah prosper you all, bless you so much and make you helpers of mankind, and grant you a great hereafter. ameen

[IbnAbdulHakim]

My suffering is NOTHING compared to the many that are suffering in the world

yesss Alhamdulillah that you realise that! ALHAMDULILLAAH!


Assalamu Aliakum

[Danah]

your welcomed any time sister, as the others said we are here to help each other
and remembered that even when you are in this hard situation you are better than many becuase you know that this is a test and you still very careful to be a good beliver and obedient to Allah.........Alhumdulilah
other just dont care if they have any problem faced. they will said if God does not give me what I want why I still have to obey him (A' aoth beallah )
May allah support you to be a god beliver in this dunya test and keep Satan away from your path in sha allah

you are in my duaa in sha allah

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you anonymous, I pray that you are well today.

You seem to have found a coping mechanism for life, when everything around you is beating you down. Spend some time reflecting how you were changed from just three days ago, maybe if you can understand your new found strength; you might then be able to help your dad find it too.

Some months ago I volunteered to be a Street Pastor, this involves walking around in the community on a Friday night from 8 until midnight. Our hope is to bring about some kind of care in the community, it can seem a daunting task, our average age is around fifty five.
We go out in two groups of two amongst troubled people. We come into contact with gangs, drunks, drugs, vandals family brake ups and violence.

The prayer for peace and serenity is at its most powerful when coming into contact with conflict and trouble. The prayer helps me to find a peace and calmness in my own heart when I am surrounded by drunks in a park.

I do not fully understand how the prayer works, but somehow it helps me to concentrate on myself; and search for an inner peace when I should be feeling panic and fear. Somehow when I become at peace with myself under these situations; it almost feels as if I can become like a sponge and absorb some of the anger and rage from other people.

I have found with angry people they tend to talk loudly and fast, my response is to reply slowly and almost in a whisper. It almost seems that when people have to struggle to hear what you say, they seem to pay more attention.

One conversation with a drunk youngster who said that drinking was not a problem for him, and he could handle it; even though his mates seemed to think otherwise.

My reply was to say, you do not have to tell me the truth, you do not have to tell your friends the truth; but you do need to be truthful to yourself. Unless you can be truthful to yourself, you will always fool yourself, you will never help yourself and drink is a downward spiral. My father died an alcoholic.

Can you say something similar to your father at a time when he is slightly calmer?

You might think along the lines of saying how you are struggling to keep up with your studies because of all the turmoil at home.

Does your father have a faith, would he listen to an imam?

From what you have said your dad has carried this anger and drink since you were a child. The chances are he goes to bed and lives with this anger on his own, he wakes up believing there is no hope.

Can you ask him if he still sees himself being angry and drinking in five or ten years time.
Is it fair that all around him should suffer? Can he ever get justice, does he have to let go and forgive and trust in God?

If you start a conversation along any of these lines it may well bring anger and confrontation. Do not judge or blame your father, and do not expect solutions after one conversation, try and end the conversation in a way that leaves it easy for you to bring it up again.

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace

Eric

[Eric H]

Blessings and peace be with you anonymous, I pray that you are coping with your family pressures and studies today.

I am a grandfather and probably one of the more important lessons that I am starting to understand in life is ‘ persevering with loving kindness’ If you find a strength today, you need to find it again tomorrow, and the day after and the weeks after and the years after. We journey through life until our death to this world, in the hope of finding peace with our God.

My mother had multiple sclerosis, she gradually lost the use of her arms and legs; she was confined to a wheel chair for the last thirty years of her life. I could never really understand how she endured all that suffering without complaining. She couldn’t do anything for herself for the last ten years, eat, go the toilet, get dressed, get out of bed, she could only sit in her chair for a couple of hours. She had a very gentle faith in God, and never blamed him for any of her problems. She always seemed more concerned about our problems than her own, she has been a great inspiration to me when things go wrong.

My dad sadly was not able to cope, and looking back all those years to when my mum started to loose the use of her legs, dad started drinking. We did not really see the signs until it was too late, he seemed to drink himself into oblivion. He lost a lot of weight, he lost his job and suffered an early death.

My mum survived in a wheelchair for another twenty years after the death of her husband.

I look back at my parents and family, I look back and see how little I was able to influence any change in what transpired.

I look back and remember the strongest person I shall ever know personally, and that is my mum and how she persevered with loving kindness all those years.

The only thing she had control over was her heart and mind, everything else for her was out of her control.

In the spirit of searching for a peace that surpasses all understanding.

Eric

[Intisar]

:sl: I can't really say that I know what you mean, but I can sense that you really feel overwhelmed. Just remember though, after going through this hardship, Allaah will give you ease (and inshaa Allaah even expiate you of some sins). You'll probably end up being happy that he put you through this situation and that you persevered and had sabr. Allaah Ta'ala tests those whom he loves, so think of that to keep you motivated. Stay positive sis and always think that other people are in a far worse situation than you are and always say ''alhamdulilah'' to yourself inshaa Allaah.

Here is an article that may be of benefit to you inshaa Allaah.

"Shaykh Uthaymin: Accustom Yourself to Harsh Conditions"

Commenting on Shaykh Bakr Abu Zayds words in Hilyat Talib al-Ilm

...And do not indulge in luxury and comfort...

Shaykh Muhammad bin Uthaymin (may Allah have Mercy upon them both) said

"This is a piece of advice that should be given to both the student of knowledge and other than the student of knowledge. This is because indulging in these things contradicts the guidance of the Prophet, as he used to forbid excessive luxury, and would sometimes enjoin others to be barefoot. The person who becomes accustomed to comfort will find it difficult to face various situations, as he will face things that do not correspond to the luxury and comfort that he is used to.

Let us take an example, and it is the example we mentioned of the hadith enjoining occasionally being barefoot. Some of the people do not leave their feet bare at times. They always have to have socks, khuffs, or shoes, and you never find them walking much. Such a man, were you to suggest to him that he walk 500 meters without anything protecting his feet, you would find this to be extremely hard on him. His feet might even start bleeding from the harshness of the ground! However, if he makes himself accustomed to harsh conditions and avoids constant comfort, you would find that he would be blessed with much good.

If the body is not accustomed to such conditions, it will not have immunity to pain. So, you would find such a person feeling pain from anything, while if he possessed immunity, he would pay it no mind. This is why you find the hands of laborers to be much stronger and firmer than the hands of students of knowledge. There is nothing to deter or prevent a laborer from doing anything since his hands have become accustomed to these conditions. This is to the point that if you touch the hands of a laborer, it is as if you are touching a rock because of the roughness and harshness, and if he were to wrap his fingers around your hand, it would hurt a lot. This is due to his long hours handling mud and bricks, and because he has accustomed himself to this.

So, when a person accustoms himself to comfort and luxury, there is no doubt that this will harm him greatly."

Sharh Hilyat Talib al-Ilm; p. 43

May Allaah grant you sabr and ease in this tough situation that you're going through. Ameen!!

[jannat]

:sl:

i hope ur well inshallah and things are getting better for you. be positive and keep trying ur best inshallah. May Allah SWT make it easy for us all inshallah, in the challenges we face inshallah.

Take care. keep smiling:)

:w:

[Eric H]

Blessings and peace be with you anonymous,

I pray that you are well today, and striving to live at peace with yourself.

In the spirit of praying for wisdom and hope.

Eric

[barney]

Just to add to all the above really.
Life is tough on many occassions. Seek help from your freinds and take time for yourself.

Life really is a rollercoaster, but what goes down must and shall go up.
Take care.