sad.. n confused

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:


so basically, i'm in luv with another girl (this was before i was practisin n i'm still not proper over it), n i got married to another one due to culture n that..

she's about to come from abroad soon.. and i really dnt want her fallin for me, otherwise she would get hurt real bad.. i dnt wna hurt no-one cuz i've had bad experiences like this already..


pray for me plz.. n is there anythin practical i can do about it? i cant separate with this new girl cuz of family reasons..



help..

[Snowflake]

salam bro,

Give it a chance bro. You said you don't want to hurt her but she'll be also hurt her if you remain distant from her. Be like a friend to her and don't let past experiences shadow your time with her. You may begin to like her more than you imagine and hopefully start loving her for who she is.

You are her protector and guardian now and you must see to it that she doesn't suffer unnecessarily. If she isn't happy that will make you feel worse and result in an unhappy marriage. You don't have to push yourself to feel in love with her for now. Just go with the flow and let the relationship develope as friendship does. InshaAllah, it will be all right bro. Just treat her as someone you've become friends with and treat her nicely. In turn she will also do the same and hopefully as the bond between you and her deepens and becomes meaningful, you could find love beginning to flourish.

Don't act reservedly if you know what I mean. She's leaving her family to come and start a new life with you. InshaAllah do your best to make her happy and hopefully that will start a chain reaction where you both begin to please each other. Fi sabilillah at first and then also out of love inshaAllah.

wa alaikum asalam

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullaah


i want three GOOD reasons why you cant love this girl in return :p

[AnonymousPoster]

salam bro,

Give it a chance bro. You said you don't want to hurt her but she'll be also hurt her if you remain distant from her. Be like a friend to her and don't let past experiences shadow your time with her. You may begin to like her more than you imagine and hopefully start loving her for who she is.....
....Don't act reservedly if you know what I mean. She's leaving her family to come and start a new life with you. InshaAllah do your best to make her happy and hopefully that will start a chain reaction where you both begin to please each other. Fi sabilillah at first and then also out of love inshaAllah.

wa alaikum asalam

InshaAllah I hope u try your best to make things work with the sister you’ve just married. And I agree with Muslimah_Sis also, that seems like it may the best option.

One thing I don’t understand, your obviously an adult, and a guy…. Why did u marry someone when u didn’t want to? If you’re looking to get married then it should mean that you’re independent and fully capable of supporting yourself, so why didn’t u speak up to your family and say no? I’d understand if u couldn’t say ‘no’ cos you’re a girl, and therefore would struggle if your parents made u leave home (worst case scenario).
Men seem to have no problems going against their parents when it comes to haram things (don’t mean to offend..just talking from my experience), but seem to say that they don’t want to ‘disobey’ parents in matters like marriage, and then they ruin some poor sister’s life…

It’s not easy for her to marry a stranger, and then leave her life, her home, her family…and for what? Some guy who doesn’t know if he wants to be with her, when’s he’s the one who said yes! If you didn’t think you could treat her right, you should have just said no, as I’m sure there’s no so much a parent can hassle guy, and given this other sister a chance to find someone who truly loves her. And you can’t divorce her cos of family reasons? That’s even worse! Anything practical?.. I’m sorry but you should have thought about the ‘practical’ issues before putting yourself into this position.

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[------]

:salamext:

^ Because he's married to someone else? :S

[Khalisah]

:salamext:

^ Because he's married to someone else? :S

Im confused...what do you mean?

[Ibn Al Aqwa]

:salamext:

^ Because he's married to someone else? :S

So what lol, get married to them both :p

:w: :shade:

[------]

:salamext:

^ If he's pakistani, I doubt that will happen :mmokay:

[------]

Im confused...what do you mean?

:salamext:

Sorry I got confused... my mistake. Ignore :D

[AnonymousPoster]

Getting married to both? Is anyone taking the feelings of the sister (his wife) into consideration? I meant that he should never have married if he didnt think he could treat his wife fairly, and if he was always going to have some other woman on his mind.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

if his a paki/bangi/or gay it'll be hard to marry another wife.




still waiting for my three reasons :p

[Ibn Al Aqwa]

Getting married to both? Is anyone taking the feelings of the sister (his wife) into consideration? I meant that he should never have married if he didnt think he could treat his wife fairly, and if he was always going to have some other woman on his mind.

^Yeah, i have taken into consideration everything, and i found my answer in the sunnah of the messenger of Allaah. (SAW). Where did you find yours?

:salamext:

^ If he's pakistani, I doubt that will happen :mmokay:

Dosnt really matter, im a paki, that could still happen lol

[------]

:salamext:

^Yeah, i have taken into consideration everything, and i found my answer in the sunnah od the messenger of Allaah. (SAW). Where did you find yours?

Brother think about it.... In Islaam it says treat them fairly if u marry more than one. I dont think the first poster can will himself to do that?

Dosnt really matter, im a paki, that could still happen lol

Suggest this to your parents, then come back and reply :D :skeleton:

[Ibn Al Aqwa]

:salamext:



Brother think about it.... In Islaam it says treat them fairly if u marry more than one. I dont think the first poster can will himself to do that?

Maybe, maybe not. Situations change.

Suggest this to your parents, then come back and reply :D :skeleton:

lol

people are forgetting something.

Qadr! Anything can happen!

Anyway, if i suggested it to my mum...i dont think she'd mind lol, but that dosnt matter, we are talking about this bro >_>

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:
Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one (4:3)
If he loves another and didn’t actually want to marry the other, what are the chances that he’s going to treat them in a just way? Had the woman known the situation she may never have chosen to marry him, instead he’s made himself miserable, and more importantly going make her miserable if he doesn’t treat her as a wife as she deserves.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

InshaAllah I hope u try your best to make things work with the sister you’ve just married. And I agree with Muslimah_Sis also, that seems like it may the best option.

One thing I don’t understand, your obviously an adult, and a guy…. Why did u marry someone when u didn’t want to? If you’re looking to get married then it should mean that you’re independent and fully capable of supporting yourself, so why didn’t u speak up to your family and say no?

you see different times cause different feelings. He might have married believing he was doing the right thing, having huge emaan and hoping for Allahs aid in this marriage via to implant love and mercy in between him and this wife.

I still believe firmly that he can love and live happily with this wife so i await my three reasons.

[------]

:salamext:

Anonymous Gender - ur not helping.

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:
From what Ive seen, its never been due to thinking it was the best thing, it was always due parents hasseling, that caused a bro. to say yes, and in many cases Ive seen them end in divorce, and its not as easy for sister's who are divorced to re-marry. Im not saying love can't grow.. it can. But I just wonder why men make this mistake time and time again, marrying and the ruining sister's lives cos they are too weak to say 'no' to their parents even though they have every right to....not that Im bitter about this topic:-[

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:
...sorry I dont mean to not be helpful.. I just think it needs to be said, to make the bro, think about what he has done..Anyhow Im sorry..thats the end of this conversation from me.. I really hope it does work out inshaAllah.
Take care..

[IbnAbdulHakim]

assalamu alaikum

yeah its a mistake see, its never intending to hurt a lady, who would intend that.. as i said its a trap i guess... personally i doubt i'll ever fall into it lol may Allah protect us ameen

[anonymous]

yo yo yo

READ wat u wrote ann gender,

u sed u WAS in luv wit anoda gal... not you ARE in luv wit anoda gal... GET...OVER...HER.. am sure shes moved on so so shud U m8!!!!!

swear down, i feel so sorry 4 gals caught up in dis situation wer dey marry a guy hus forced 2 marry her while he stil pinin 4 anoda 1 , id kill him!!!

giv her a chance man, imajin how hard it it 4 her 2 leave al her family n LIFE bak home 4 YOU, n then to cum here n 4 u 2 act like sum sorta god-knos-wat?!!!

:P

[anonymous]

Oh my mistake u ARE in luv wit her... hmmmm... advice still apllies, get over her init n datttttttt... no seriously bro i aint takin d piss o owt, but you need 2 move on n get on wit life... better to look AHEAD rather than BEHIND ya init n dattttttt... NEVER LOOK BACK UNLESS DATS THE WAY U WNA GO ;)

[Ibn Al Aqwa]

tanks 4 ur advice n dah, mayb it elpd, mayb nt, bt swearin n ritin in slang n dah just aint alowd on dis forum.

[------]

:salamext:

anonymous. Think before you write. Please. :-\

[Snowflake]

I meant that he should never have married if he didnt think he could treat his wife fairly, and if he was always going to have some other woman on his mind.

Personally I think anonymous is right to make this point, as it's happening too much. Whether or not it applies to the bro in question, I hope others will think twice before marrying someone they didn't really want to.

[------]

:salamext:

^ If he's Pakistani he might have been forced into it. You don't know Pakistani people nowadays....

[Snowflake]

^yeh yeh I know. I'm not saying he wasn't but neither did the bro actually say he was forced. He might've just accepted thinking it was for the best but could be now panicking as the sis is going to join him soon.

You know like sometimes when ur tired of life you let others make decisions cuz ur too weak to make a stand at the time. So it could've been one of those times. Allahu alam.

Anyway, wish the bro all the best inshaAllah.

[------]

salam bro,

Give it a chance bro. You said you don't want to hurt her but she'll be also hurt her if you remain distant from her. Be like a friend to her and don't let past experiences shadow your time with her. You may begin to like her more than you imagine and hopefully start loving her for who she is.

You are her protector and guardian now and you must see to it that she doesn't suffer unnecessarily. If she isn't happy that will make you feel worse and result in an unhappy marriage. You don't have to push yourself to feel in love with her for now. Just go with the flow and let the relationship develope as friendship does. InshaAllah, it will be all right bro. Just treat her as someone you've become friends with and treat her nicely. In turn she will also do the same and hopefully as the bond between you and her deepens and becomes meaningful, you could find love beginning to flourish.

Don't act reservedly if you know what I mean. She's leaving her family to come and start a new life with you. InshaAllah do your best to make her happy and hopefully that will start a chain reaction where you both begin to please each other. Fi sabilillah at first and then also out of love inshaAllah.

wa alaikum asalam

:salamext:

This is actually good advice.

[Snowflake]

jzkAllah sis, if only I could advise myself as sensibly :-/

[anonymous]

yo yo yo

READ wat u wrote ann gender,

u sed u WAS in luv wit anoda gal... not you ARE in luv wit anoda gal... GET...OVER...HER.. am sure shes moved on so so shud U m8!!!!!

swear down, i feel so sorry 4 gals caught up in dis situation wer dey marry a guy hus forced 2 marry her while he stil pinin 4 anoda 1 , id kill him!!!

giv her a chance man, imajin how hard it it 4 her 2 leave al her family n LIFE bak home 4 YOU, n then to cum here n 4 u 2 act like sum sorta god-knos-wat?!!!

:P

this is good advice. so what you used to like another girl before? you, as a GUY, didn't stand up and object against marrying this girl, so it's hardly her fault. i hope you make the right decision and don't hurt/upset your wife in any way inshaAllah, shes' human too you know.

[------]

:salamext:

HAS ANYONE TAKEN THE BROTHERS FEELINGS INTO CONSIDERATION?!?!

Only If you've loved would you know how hard it is..... Please brothers and sisters, don't make comments that might offend the person.

[AnonymousPoster]

:salamext:

HAS ANYONE TAKEN THE BROTHERS FEELINGS INTO CONSIDERATION?!?!

Only If you've loved would you know how hard it is..... Please brothers and sisters, don't make comments that might offend the person.

comments were not made to offend. the comments are made out of fear of what will happen to his wife? sure the guy is hurt but does that mean his current wife has to go through a hard time as well? it's sad since both are in a bad situation, but tell me what mistake his wife commited? what did she do to deserve that? it's a tough break on her too you know!:(

[------]

:salamext:

I blame parents :mad:

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:
His feeling have been taken into consideration, just that most ppl are saying he should never have let things get this far, if he had feeling for someone he shouldn't have married in the first place, that doesnt mean anyones being harsh towards him, just telling him what he should have done... It is hard being in love with some you cant be with, but that doesnt mean you make someone elses life hard as well. Maybe this sister will make a wonderful wife and love will grow between them...Only Allah knows how its going to work. InshaAllah I hope for the best, and grant u patience and understanding through this diffficult time!

[AnonymousPoster]

:salamext:

I blame parents :mad:

same here. anyways, as for the original poster i advise him to make dua. Allah will make a way out, so it's best to make dua and never lose hope. was salamu alaykum

[anonymous]

tanks 4 ur advice n dah, mayb it elpd, mayb nt, bt swearin n ritin in slang n dah just aint alowd on dis forum.

am sowi ini n dah, jus d way me talkz iniiiiiiiT! :D

[Snowflake]

You know guyz, maybe the bro already realises he should've said 'NO'. Whatever the case, it's a lil too late to tell him that now - it isn't going to turn back time. He's asking for help/advice for his present situation, so if you can advise him, then do. Otherwise, don't bother telling him what he should or shouldn't have done. Thank you :D

[FatimaAsSideqah]

am sowi ini n dah, jus d way me talkz iniiiiiiiT! :D

As Salaam Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

:?

Would you put those statment into English please?

[anonymous]

As Salaam Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

:?

Would you put those statment into English please?

I AM SORI ISNT IT AND THAT IT IS JUST THE WAY I TALK ISNT IT :p


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

OK PEOPLE LEAVE ME ALOOOOOONE!! IM TRYNA HELP HERE DONT NEED U 2 GO ON N ON N ON N ON N ON N ON ABOUT D WAY I TALK OR WRITE

anyways bro, hope things work out 4 u inshaAllah, just make dua, and at least give it a try u never know, there might be sumat thereeeeee between ya ;)

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:


wel the guy did say no.. thing is, i dont wna make life harder for someone else, i know that.. so just make dua for her, and me.. that way things might happen in a way that it doesn't have to get more complicated or deeper.


i dont wna fall in luv or nothin anyways, and i dont want her fallin in luv either.. since things are neutral yet, thats how i want it to stay. cuz once your together, you tell yourself that you're in love, and thats why it happens. i don't want it to happen in the first place, n that way she wont be hurt, n i wont feel as guilty.

[anonymous]

:sl:


wel the guy did say no.. thing is, i dont wna make life harder for someone else, i know that.. so just make dua for her, and me.. that way things might happen in a way that it doesn't have to get more complicated or deeper.


i dont wna fall in luv or nothin anyways, and i dont want her fallin in luv either.. since things are neutral yet, thats how i want it to stay. cuz once your together, you tell yourself that you're in love, and thats why it happens. i don't want it to happen in the first place, n that way she wont be hurt, n i wont feel as guilty.

im confused, is dis the original poster??

[anonymous]

bro, please dont mind me asking but how old are you

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:


yeh.

[anonymous]

:sl:


yeh.

Ok well sounds like you getting your head round it, so good on ya bro ,n inshaAllah hope the 2 of ya are happy 2gether :)

[Snowflake]

:sl:


wel the guy did say no.. thing is, i dont wna make life harder for someone else, i know that.. so just make dua for her, and me.. that way things might happen in a way that it doesn't have to get more complicated or deeper.


i dont wna fall in luv or nothin anyways, and i dont want her fallin in luv either.. since things are neutral yet, thats how i want it to stay. cuz once your together, you tell yourself that you're in love, and thats why it happens. i don't want it to happen in the first place, n that way she wont be hurt, n i wont feel as guilty.

We all wish you the best and pray Allah swt makes everything easy for you. Just one thing.... No one chooses to fall in love, it just happens. Why fight to stop that? I think she'll be hurt anyway if she realises you don't love her the way she might've expected.

Bro, when a woman marries, her husband becomes everything for her. Think about it. How many dreams she must've weaved about her life with you? How many scenarios have played in her head of when you'll be together? A new bride feels like a princess about to be whisked away by her prince to live happily everafter. How sad it would be then that she'd be the equivalent of a maid - not worthy of her husband's love but just to cook and clean for him? I don't mean to say you will treat her like that, but what will be the difference?

I sense that you have a lot of love to offer. But are still hankering after something you couldn't have. Leave it behind bro. I'm not saying fall head over heels in love in an instant, no! But love her for the sake of Allah, and treat her as if you love her, in a way that it strengthens the bond between you both. I'm sure that in time, you will begin to love her. It might not be with the same intensity as your last love, but inshaAllah enough to make both your lives fulfilling and joyful. Be sincere and allow yourself to experience love again in the way Allah swt has permitted you to.

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:


to be honest with u, i get where ur comin from.. but i just dont wna go ahead with it cuz i dont really feel happy at all. i want my own space, and i want to be 'free'.. the time when i really wanted something to happen, it didn't.. i exhausted myself out, and then directly after some incidents - i fall into this.. when i wasn't prepared or happy to do it. i wanted freedom, not to mess about with other girls obviously, but to do my own things, spend my own life and choose to do something like marriage in the future..


i know it sounds stupid cuz now its too late, but i just wna wake up from this..

[Al-Zaara]

You don't look at her unless it's necessary, you stay away and the girl will get the hint, inshaAllah. It's not THAT hard to stay away from family/relatives/friends of family, people just gotta try enough... And don't let your throughts or "signs" fool you. Be realistic.

What makes you think she'll fall in love with you in the first place? You loved her, not the other way around otherwise it would be you two married, no? Now being afraid she'll fall in love with you, is a bit strange to me. You're a married man and if she's any smart she'll stay away no matter how attractive she'll ever find you.

If not, remember, if she's done it once she can do it again, meaning if she gets involved with you a married a man, she can do it afterwards too. What will stop it? True love towards you? But maybe the true love will come later, through another man? Why loose a good marriage to something so unsecure as this, I cannot understand. Don't you love your wife? If yes, don't dwell on this, don't think about it, hold your distance. Better for you, your wife and this woman who just might be in love with someone else or even engaged or whatever.

:sl:


wel the guy did say no.. thing is, i dont wna make life harder for someone else, i know that.. so just make dua for her, and me.. that way things might happen in a way that it doesn't have to get more complicated or deeper.


i dont wna fall in luv or nothin anyways, and i dont want her fallin in luv either.. since things are neutral yet, thats how i want it to stay. cuz once your together, you tell yourself that you're in love, and thats why it happens. i don't want it to happen in the first place, n that way she wont be hurt, n i wont feel as guilty.

[anonymous]

:sl:


to be honest with u, i get where ur comin from.. but i just dont wna go ahead with it cuz i dont really feel happy at all. i want my own space, and i want to be 'free'.. the time when i really wanted something to happen, it didn't.. i exhausted myself out, and then directly after some incidents - i fall into this.. when i wasn't prepared or happy to do it. i wanted freedom, not to mess about with other girls obviously, but to do my own things, spend my own life and choose to do something like marriage in the future..


i know it sounds stupid cuz now its too late, but i just wna wake up from this..

Bro I get exactly where ur comin 4rm. NUTIN BEATS FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM. hw old yu?

n please tel em that this other gal u was in luv it no longer on d scene? cos am confused after readin sum posts. R u stil seein this other gal???:?

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:


no, i'm not..

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:


zara, there is no other girl involved now.. and i'm not married to someone i knew in the past. cuz of obvious reasons.

[Al-Zaara]

:sl:


zara, there is no other girl involved now.. and i'm not married to someone i knew in the past. cuz of obvious reasons.

Aleykum selam,

Oh... Wait, have I misunderstood the whole first post then?! :X What is the problem here??

[AnonymousPoster]

if his a paki/bangi/or gay it'll be hard to marry another wife.




still waiting for my three reasons :p

Other than being gay, there is NO reason, go and get married to that girl as long as the girl your currently with is happy, your marriage has got nothing (close to nothing) to do with your parents, your in my prayers inshaAllah.

[AnonymousPoster]

go and get married to that girl as long as the girl your currently with is happy, your marriage has got nothing (close to nothing) to do with your parents, your in my prayers inshaAllah.

:sl:


tell that to my parents! lol


its not as easy as that, since alot of pakis pick and choose..

what happens in paki culture is that they're forced into marriage with someone they might not want to be with, n then they wna get married to someone good looking - but they can't cuz of culture.. so they choose someone who they think is 'good looking' for their kid, but they're kid doesn't think so.. so they're placed in that marriage, n then sometimes.. the cycle starts all over.

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:


oh yeh ^ n the main point is that they're marriage life is messd up cuz they're forced.. the guy isn't happy cuz he doesn't wna be with her, n she's angry cuz he feels frustrated at his parents on what they did.


so yeah.. there's not really alot of good in it.

[anonymous]

sdfgtyhujikolp'#

[------]

:salamext:

Bro... do istikharah. I'll pray to Allaah to get you out of this mess inshaaAllaah

[------]

:sl:


oh yeh ^ n the main point is that they're marriage life is messd up cuz they're forced.. the guy isn't happy cuz he doesn't wna be with her, n she's angry cuz he feels frustrated at his parents on what they did.


so yeah.. there's not really alot of good in it.

:salamext:

Wait...try and talk to her...and see how you get along? Maybe things might change inshaaAllaah. Allaahu Aalim. Stay strong akhee...

[Snowflake]

This is one mighty confusing thread lol. Half the time I don't know who's saying what to whom. And Zaara sis was just :thumbs_up lololol :giggling:

will get back to this thread laters inshaAllah :)

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

:sl:


so basically, i'm in luv with another girl (this was before i was practisin n i'm still not proper over it), n i got married to another one due to culture n that..

she's about to come from abroad soon.. and i really dnt want her fallin for me, otherwise she would get hurt real bad.. i dnt wna hurt no-one cuz i've had bad experiences like this already..


pray for me plz.. n is there anythin practical i can do about it? i cant separate with this new girl cuz of family reasons..

help..

:w: Brother,

I think you've got some excellent advice so far, Masha'Allaah from sisters especially, who can probably give you a much better insight than bros on how something like this would be felt by a newlywed sister. But as a brother, I have some advice for you so here goes Insha'Allaah.

I think you're looking at this entire situation from the wrong perspective bro. You need to realize that whatever happened already, THAT is what was going to happen regardless of anything that you could have done to have something else, and this is because of our belief in Qadr. I cannot tell you how beneficial it is to strengthen one's belief in Qadr, especially when one is going through these kinds of situations involving love and similar emotions. The entire falling in love and then not being able to be with the one you want to be with is very tough and the days after just get tougher and you feel like you never want to love again and you really torture yourself over your beloved. But there comes a time when you really need to just wake up and realize that you need to move on in life and that you have obligations upon you from Allaah that you need to fulfill. You have to understand that, in your situation especially, as I see it, 1) It was the decree of Allaah that what passed came to pass & 2) You're married now and you have obligations towards your wife for which you will be questioned about.

As a husband, you cannot go into marriage expecting it to be how you imagined it would be with your beloved. Love marriages are awesome, definitely, but it is said that the real love begins when the "in love" phase is over. What's better for you is to have good thoughts about Allaah and put your trust in Him and leave your affairs to Him, He is the best disposer of affairs. Perhaps you may dislike something about your new wife but remember that Allaah says:

{And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.}[an-Nisaa;19]

Ibn Katheer said in regards to the Tafseer of this verse: "Allah says that your patience, which is demonstrated by keeping wives whom you dislike, carries good rewards for you in this life and the Hereafter. Ibn `Abbas commented on this Ayah, "That the husband may feel compassion towards his wife and Allah gives him a child with her, and this child carries tremendous goodness.''"

I mean I do not really know what other advise I can give except that have patience and fortify your belief in Qadar. By the permission of Allaah, sincere patience and perseverance, belief in Qadr and accepting Allaah's Decree upon you (and if you want extra reward, being pleased with His Decree) brings much healing to even the greatest sorrows. I take it you're a young brother seeing how it seems from your posts that you haven't spent much time with your wife. Perhaps you have a long life ahead of you bro, and it really is a shame to spend all of that married life to come by brooding over someone who you loved for a while in the past. For the sake of Allaah, try to understand what your new wife must be feeling? She's coming over to be with her husband in the West, she's (I'm assuming) young, and she's probably talking to all her friends there about how happy she thinks she's going to be, and (again I'm assuming) she's leaving her parents from abroad to start a life with you, would you really want to be towards in a manner that would make her hate her marriage? I mean it's really one of two things, you're either with her in manner that would bring happiness to both of you or you be cold and indifferent towards her thereby making your own life miserable by constant reminisce and her life miserable by being with her in a way that is completely different than the way the Messenger was with his wives. She has rights upon you from the moment you accepted the nikah and you will be questioned about these rights my brother and know that zulm towards another, especially in not honoring their rights is a very serious matter in the Sight of Allaah; so have patience and make lots of Dua' that Allaah make it easy for you two.

It was narrated that Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said (translation of the meaning):

“Whoever is mainly concerned about the Hereafter, Allaah will make him feel independent of others and will make him focused and content, and his worldly affairs will fall into place. But whoever is mainly concerned with this world, Allaah will make him feel in constant need of others and will make him distracted and unfocused, and he will get nothing of this world except what is decreed for him.”

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2389; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 6510

Here are a couple lines of Imam Shafiee's poetry:

And don’t despair over the events of the past
For none of the events of the dunya were ever meant to remain
And be a man who is firm upon his affairs
And whose character is that of pardoning and nobility
And there is no sadness or happiness that is continuous
Just as there is there is no comfort or pain
If you are a person who is satisfied with what he has
Then you and the owner of all possessions are equal

Ibn Qayyim said: "The heart will rest and feel relief if it is settled with Allaah and it will worry and be anxious if it is settled with people."

I know that perhaps I am underestimating the emotions in you at the moment, but bro, until you turn your back on them and realize that all is not over, you will keep continuing in these saddening thoughts. Here are some threads and links to read that can perhaps serve as a reminder. :)

http://www.islamicboard.com/aqeedah/...ing-qadar.html
http://www.islamicboard.com/930039-post1.html
http://www.islamicboard.com/miscella...lace-ease.html
http://www.islamicboard.com/miscella...efuge-you.html
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...-andalusi.html

:w:

[------]

:salamext:

And don’t despair over the events of the past
For none of the events of the dunya were ever meant to remain
And be a man who is firm upon his affairs
And whose character is that of pardoning and nobility
And there is no sadness or happiness that is continuous
Just as there is there is no comfort or pain
If you are a person who is satisfied with what he has
Then you and the owner of all possessions are equal

Subhaan Allaah!!!!!!!!!

[IbnAbdulHakim]

But love her for the sake of Allah, and treat her as if you love her, in a way that it strengthens the bond between you both. I'm sure that in time, you will begin to love her. It might not be with the same intensity as your last love, but inshaAllah enough to make both your lives fulfilling and joyful. Be sincere and allow yourself to experience love again in the way Allah swt has permitted you to.

:) mashaAllah



hey akh (scotsman) its only dunya right lol,


link me in jannah inshaAllah :D

[Snowflake]

:sl:


to be honest with u, i get where ur comin from.. but i just dont wna go ahead with it cuz i dont really feel happy at all. i want my own space, and i want to be 'free'.. the time when i really wanted something to happen, it didn't.. i exhausted myself out, and then directly after some incidents - i fall into this.. when i wasn't prepared or happy to do it. i wanted freedom, not to mess about with other girls obviously, but to do my own things, spend my own life and choose to do something like marriage in the future..


i know it sounds stupid cuz now its too late, but i just wna wake up from this..

:sl:
I understand where you're coming from. I too like my freedom and all that. But I fear Allah and would never allow my nafs to fulfil my longings at another person's expense. You say would want to get married in the future. But what guarantee have you that you will find happiness with someone else in the future or even be around to try?

It's good to be selfish sometimes, but not when we are hurting others in the process. I assume the marriage has been consummated? If so, that woman has given you her most precious thing. Then wouldn't the right thing to do is to give her a chance? You have absolutely nothing to lose, but so much to gain. Furthermore, I don't see why marriage should prevent you from doing your own thing.

Please read Bro Abu Sayyad's post (mashaAllah) and dwell on it.

At the end of the day, we can only advise and pray you do the right thing. Obviously we can't force you. But our sincere advice is to give your marriage a chance. If after that you can't accept it, then you can make any choice that pleases you. Right now I'm feeling fear of Allah on your behalf, if you do injustice to her. I hope to God your innocent wife doesn't suffer. My heart is already sad for her. imsad

:w:

[IbnAbdulHakim]

sry this just HAS to be replied tO!

cos i want a thug..

you want a dawg who pierces his ears acts like a idiot towards parents and tries to intimidate most people? or maybe one who wears his pants low loves hip-hop n RnB n disrespects women?

or maybe by a thug you mean someone brave, confident, dont giv a dam about whos chattin crap to him he'll stand up for himself, dont take nothing from no one and is pretty kool? becoz u can be a pretty good muslim and still hold the last personality

the first two personalities are jus haramies....

n now im chattin crap i dunno wat am sayin

agreed

sorry

all good lol




Assalamu Alaikum

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:


jazak Allah everyone, just pray for me/us aswell insha Allah..



some good advice.. just emotions and thinking about the future is what freaks u out, but belief in qadr is good alhamdulilah.. we'll see what comes ahead insha Allah.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ yeh qadr all the way :)

waTEVA HAPPENZ ALLAH KNOWS BEST!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

see if you get knocked out or beaten up, heart stolen n family killed, Allah knows best akhee :D !

this dunya aint somethin we suppose 2 stress ova newayz, we mu'mins shud b buzy stressin ova akhirah riiight? :)

newayz ive had looooooooooooooadsa growth n comfort from paiN !

from past experiences, im a giant lol


u'll be one too inshAllah :D


may Allah grant you sakeena wa sabr wa shukr wa love 4 messenger n Allah till ur mawth n den jannatul firdaus inshaAllaah

Ameen :)

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:


ameen..

[Snowflake]

^ameen

:sl:
jazak Allah everyone, just pray for me/us aswell insha Allah..
some good advice.. just emotions and thinking about the future is what freaks u out, but belief in qadr is good alhamdulilah.. we'll see what comes ahead insha Allah.

MashaAllah, that's more like it. I pray it'll be the best thing that's ever happened to you, inshaAllah. Don't be freaked out bro. The shaytaan's always trying to put waswas in our heads, especially when we are going to do something good. I wish you a happy marriage inshaAllah. :)

[anonymous]

sry this just HAS to be replied tO!

you want a dawg who pierces his ears acts like a idiot towards parents and tries to intimidate most people? or maybe one who wears his pants low loves hip-hop n RnB n disrespects women?

or maybe by a thug you mean someone brave, confident, dont giv a dam about whos chattin crap to him he'll stand up for himself, dont take nothing from no one and is pretty kool? becoz u can be a pretty good muslim and still hold the last personality

the first two personalities are jus haramies....


agreed


all good lol




Assalamu Alaikum

No just sum1 hu shares the same interests as me and knows how to have FUN

[------]

:salamext:

^ That isn't a thug sis asian queen *rolls eyes*

[anonymous]

:salamext:

^ That isn't a thug sis asian queen *rolls eyes*

Excuse me?

U dont know what Im interested in, maybe Im a thugette :P

[------]

:salamext:

That isn't going to help ur dunya or ur Aakhirah :)

[anonymous]

:salamext:

That isn't going to help ur dunya or ur Aakhirah :)

Lol I knowwww, was jokinnn ini n dahhhhhh lol how u kno its meeeeeeeeeee ;)

Hav u chaNGED YA USERNAME cos me no remeber u :?:? sowi xx lol

nwyas wers d bro gone, bro u okkkkk let us know hw u gtn on

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

nwyas wers d bro gone, bro u okkkkk let us know hw u gtn on

ok, erm.. basically i've rented a field in pak so we can run in da fieldz as a wedin gift..



mesin lol.. just gota get used to it n that init.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

:sl:





ok, erm.. basically i've rented a field in pak so we can run in da fieldz as a wedin gift..



mesin lol.. just gota get used to it n that init.

im waitin for nex week.

wen u say to me

"ALHAMDULILLAH IM SOOO HAPPY N BLESSED"


i'l b prayin 4 dat day :)


Assalamu Alaikum


*grabs jacket n runs out to visit dude in fields n join in runnin* :D

[.: Jannati :.]

top advice on this thread! mA. mA.! :thumbs_up :D

[------]

:sl:





ok, erm.. basically i've rented a field in pak so we can run in da fieldz as a wedin gift..



mesin lol.. just gota get used to it n that init.

:salamext:

:lol: TYPICAL BOLLYWOOD!!!!!!!!!! ;D

Ahem

Lol na seriously tho....take it slow akhee, and you'll be fine, ur strong mashaaAllaah :)

[anonymous]

:sl:
mesin lol.. just gota get used to it n that init.

Init n thaaaaaaaaaaaat!!! Keep smilin bruv, just make the most of wat ya hav ;) Treat her mean keep her keen init n thattttttt Lol :D:D:D

nah dont treat her mean lol just keep her keen ;)

[Hamas]

Assalamu Alaikum,

I dont get it, your in love with a girl? so why did you marry another? due to culture? sorry but that sounds stupid, are you with the girl you love? if your not then maybe you shouldve waited a little while till you got over her then get married to whoever but you didnt, you made that choice to marry her, if you were concerned about the way she would feel and knew the way you would go about with her then you wouldnt have married her, you shoot yourself in the foot then you moan about the bullet, does that make sense? sorry i dont mean to be rude but thats how i see it.

JazakAllah :)

[------]

:salamext:

u ok now bro?

[Snowflake]

Assalamu Alaikum,

I dont get it, your in love with a girl? so why did you marry another? due to culture? sorry but that sounds stupid, are you with the girl you love? if your not then maybe you shouldve waited a little while till you got over her then get married to whoever but you didnt, you made that choice to marry her, if you were concerned about the way she would feel and knew the way you would go about with her then you wouldnt have married her, you shoot yourself in the foot then you moan about the bullet, does that make sense? sorry i dont mean to be rude but thats how i see it.

JazakAllah :)

asalam alaikum wr wb,

I doubt that in the circumstances the bro had to marry this girl, i.e. family pressure, he was even able to process the consequences of what he'd agreed until the dust had settled. Respect to him for at least showing concern about his wife's feeling, albeit later. He must have some sort of conscience, otherwise he would've just brought her over and treated her like crap without worrying about hurting her.

I don't see how anyone can get into anyone's head to see what was going on when they made certain choices. So for that reason, it's unreasonable to think that the reason why someone did something was unreasonable.

wa alaikum asalam wr wb

P.S. The bro said: "mesin lol.. just gota get used to it n that init" So inshaAllah just make duaa for him, cuz he sounds safe mashaAllah.

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:


families bak from pak.. i dno when she's supposed to come though. got more time to get prepared for the future insha Allah.


Allah answered my prayers alhamdulillah in the past, He'll help again, i know of it. i probably just posted this thread wen i was lower in eman.. now things are better alhamdulillah.


jazak Allah for the support everyone

[Snowflake]

:sl:


families bak from pak.. i dno when she's supposed to come though. got more time to get prepared for the future insha Allah.


Allah answered my prayers alhamdulillah in the past, He'll help again, i know of it. i probably just posted this thread wen i was lower in eman.. now things are better alhamdulillah.


jazak Allah for the support everyone

asalam alaikum wr wb,

woohooooo! MashaAllah bro. That's awesome! InshaAllah Allah will help you this time too. May Allah make your marriage bright and happy. Ameen.


wa alaikum asalam wr wb.

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:


oh yeh, i just wna say to all those guests who are reading this.. if you're in a similar situation (you proli are, thats why you're checkin it out) - pray to Allah, cuz if you been wronged - then He's gna respond to u insha Allah.. since the prayer of the person who's been wronged goes to Allah like lightning speed, and He will respond to u, even if it takes a little while.

[anonymous]

:sl:


oh yeh, i just wna say to all those guests who are reading this.. if you're in a similar situation (you proli are, thats why you're checkin it out) - pray to Allah, cuz if you been wronged - then He's gna respond to u insha Allah.. since the prayer of the person who's been wronged goes to Allah like lightning speed, and He will respond to u, even if it takes a little while.

awwww mashaAllah bro mashaAALLAH!:thumbs_up:thumbs_up

[------]

:sl:


families bak from pak.. i dno when she's supposed to come though. got more time to get prepared for the future insha Allah.


Allah answered my prayers alhamdulillah in the past, He'll help again, i know of it. i probably just posted this thread wen i was lower in eman.. now things are better alhamdulillah.


jazak Allah for the support everyone

:salamext:

This post has made my day :D (Well...afternoon lol)