Am I arrogant

[AnonymousPoster]

I have a problem that many people who are currently my friends said that when they getting to know me for the first time they looked at me a like an arrogant girl !! I don’t know why. Their first expression is always that I am arrogant and don’t like anyone to come closer. Well they are now very nice to me but when we sometimes talking frankly to each other and finding how was the first expression everyone take when she know the others, they always said that I am somehow arrogant.
How can I get rid of this ???

I tried to ask someone else about that who know me closer than my friends so I picked my sister in law and I ask her to answer me very very honestly about her first impression when she meet me for the first time……………….her answer was the same as the others :cry:.

One time we were joking around about the same thing, and I asked them what made you feel that I am an arrogant girl. Some of them said:"we might misunderstand you sister, it might be that you are a full confidence, always walking with rising your head up" come on is walking with raising head up has something to do with confidence or arrogance, it is my way to walk I used to it since I was a little child.

I really don’t know how I can solve this problem (If I really has a problem) well I am really confused whether I have one or not. I find my self getting to know the others very easily but………………I don’t know :enough!::enough!:
please help may allah guide you the best

[Al-Zaara]

:D I can slightly relate. That's why I'm grinning.

To walk head up high and straight is not a sign of arrogance, well it doesn't have to be! There are many things that contribute to seeming arrogant. It can be the facial expression (especially that!) and it can also be the way you speak. Also I do want to remind you first impression are not always right and every individual can sometimes see something in a new person they might fear they are, generalisations. Example: You might see a very beautiful girl and immidiately think she's arrogant or very self-conscious etc. Prejudices.

Sometimes people who lack self-confidence, when meeting a person who is confident they will be put off and put a "protecting barrier" around them and this is often why they first will get negative thoughts about the person, because they might feel they are "in danger". After egtting to know each other things of course cool down.

Confidence can come off as arrogance regardless of the circumstances, if people want to see it that way. It's not ONLY up to you, but of course you're a big part of it.

From the dictionary:

Confidence: a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances

Arrogance: an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions

Keep eye-contact with people, and smile a genuine smile more often. Don't only you talk or raise your voice, or put yourself to be "the center of attention", ask people questions and be more careful what you say to show you're humble and stuff. To admit errors and accept someone else knows better! This can really be a tough one, but a confident person is ready to be right and wrong and take the consqeuences. Be able to laugh at yourself, relax!! Refuse to take offense, just 'cause you want to show humility doesn't mean you are ready to take whatever people throw at you.

From an article I quote the following:

William Lyon Phelps wrote, "The final test of a gentleman is his respect for those who can be of no possible service to him."

The issue of humility is confusing, because "being humble" is often understood to mean that you think little of yourself, that you denigrate yourself.

But I've found, at least in my case, when I have a stronger sense of myself, I can more easily practice humility. Lack of self-confidence makes me prideful, insistent on my ideas, defensive, quick to anger. One of the least attractive personality combinations is arrogance mixed with insecurity.

--

InshaAllah this helps!

[Snowflake]

asalam alaikum sis,

I think if you were arrogant in the real sense of the word, you wouldn't be bothered about how you come across to others. Maybe you have high self-esteem and it is misconstrued as arrogance. If you aren't puffed up about yourself and don't think you are better than others, aren't boastful or conceited then you have nothing to worry about. After all, people like you once they get to know you. That wouldn't be the case if you really were arrogant, right? It also might help to remember that only Allah knows what in our hearts and if you know your heart is clean of arrogance then you shouldn't worry what other people think of you in the first instance. The most important thing is what Allah thinks of us. That should be enough.


wa alaikum asalam

[S_87]

:sl:

dont worry sister, ive seen that kind of reaction about myself from people who dont know me. i dont know why because they dont actually talk much to me nor know anything about me but think im arrogant/stuck up or something. infact a friend always tells me when she first saw me (in high school) she thought id be a bully because of how she saw me but infact i became one of her closest friends because first impressions can be so wrong.
but seriously ask those people what they think of you now they know you. do they think you are arrogant even slightly? sometimes people can find others who are either too loud or too quiet arrogant. too loud because they think they are it and too quiet because they think they are better than others and dont want to know them. ive seen both types myself and the people are in no way arrogant or even stuck up, thats just the way some people are. not everyone is the same.
so long as you know youre not being arrogant nor is it your intention nor do you know what youre doing to make people think so dont worry about it

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[.: Jannati :.]

Al-Zaara nd anony lool i get this too! hate it! people feel they cant talk to me coz they'll look bad compared to me. argh its annoyin coz im like ya Allah :enough!: why i gotto give peeps dat impression :exhausted lol i'm not really confident i just speak to new people moderately like i dont talk loads if i dont know u obviously that changes when u know that person :-[

a way in which i tried being not so arrogant seeming is continuously trying to be talkative and smilin and stuff. but sometimes when i smile a lot some even think that im too nice and then everythin starts so awkwardly , praisin and all that ewwness :blind: i try aviodin them then lol id rather people not make an impression at all.

its good that ur confident sis. mA. its bad when this happens to a self conscious insecure weirdo like me lol u just become more self conscious innit!

:cry:

[Al-Zaara]

Al-Zaara nd anony lool i get this too! hate it! people feel they cant talk to me coz they'll look bad compared to me. argh its annoyin coz im like ya Allah :enough!: why i gotto give peeps dat impression :exhausted lol i'm not really confident i just speak to new people moderately like i dont talk loads if i dont know u obviously that changes when u know that person :-[

Haha, aww bless.

its good that ur confident sis. mA. its bad when this happens to a self conscious insecure weirdo like me lol u just become more self conscious innit!

:cry:

Laugh it off and give the nearest mahram a slap, that's what I do. ;D You'll feel better.

[AnonymousPoster]

Jazakum allah khair everyone trying to help me

Al-Zara

jazaki allah khair sis zara, I dont know what wrong with this people:enough!:

You might see a very beautiful girl and immidiately think she's arrogant or very self-conscious etc. Prejudices.
Sometimes people who lack self-confidence, when meeting a person who is confident they will be put off and put a "protecting barrier" around them and this is often why they first will get negative thoughts about the person, because they might feel they are "in danger". After egtting to know each other things of course cool down.

I dont know if this is my case with my people. but really I wanna solve this issue.
let me give you an example:
it is not that I am the most successfull one in our group, some of my frinds are more successful than me regarding academic study.

Keep eye-contact with people, and smile a genuine smile more often

I will not lie on you, but I am really get to know the strange people very easily, thats what my frinds told me, they said that I am a social person

Don't only you talk or raise your voice, or put yourself to be "the center of attention", ask people questions and be more careful what you say to show you're humble and stuff.

people said that I am good at listening to the others

(I think you confused of this, but I really did a survey to my closet friends and got all what I have to know from them in order to know whats the problem)

it is not like I am a quiet person, the reality is that I am very energitic girl, may be this is what make it like I am an arrogant in their eyes.


but really sister your reply give me a lot to think about it, May Allah reward you Al jannah in sha allah and jazaki allah khair sister


Muslimah_Sis

I think if you were arrogant in the real sense of the word, you wouldn't be bothered about how you come across to others.

oh my dear sister thats very kind from you :-[, I dont know actually how I can interpret the people action, its really sucks :enough!:

After all, people like you once they get to know you. That wouldn't be the case if you really were arrogant, right? It also might help to remember that only Allah knows what in our hearts and if you know your heart is clean of arrogance then you shouldn't worry what other people think of you in the first instance. The most important thing is what Allah thinks of us. That should be enough.

I really dont know if what they said is right or not in that I am better than what they thought at the beginning. I hope they are honest with me in sha allah. sometimes they said that I get upset quickly and that I am sensetive person.....I dont know if this has anything to do with being arrogant, it is the human feeling I guess that no one can change it I guess......I am really confused:cry::cry:
jazaki allah khair sister for your kind words


amani

infact a friend always tells me when she first saw me (in high school) she thought id be a bully because of how she saw me but infact i became one of her closest friends because first impressions can be so wrong.

subha allah sister it just remind me of what happened to me when I met my friends in med school (which I transfered to), you will not believe it, but after we became very good friends, they told me: "when we saw you for the first time we were hate you to much, we think that no onw can be your friend, and you ar an arrogant girl"

see sister, it is an old problem with me, but jazaki allah khair for your help.


LuvAlSunnah

a way in which i tried being not so arrogant seeming is continuously trying to be talkative and smilin and stuff

my habit is not to keep silent when I am with the others, but at the same time I dont smile or talk when I dont like to do so.
there is one thing that I am always do when I talk to someone else. if what they are talking about is something bad and it does not fit my interests I am directly said that or I can said that they must not waste their time in such stuff

[Danah]

Oh speaking of the first impression, I really a serious problem with it ^_^, dont know whats wrong with those people but many of my close friends said that they start hating me in the beginning but alhumdulilah everything now is fine

[- Qatada -]

:salamext:


smile more often, and approach the other person first insha Allah to prove that you're not.

[glo]

I thought that according to the Qu'ran muslimahs were required to lower their gazes and not walk proudly (something about not striking their heels loudly on the ground?) :?

Perhaps what some people/cultures perceive to be a sign of self-confidence, other will consider to be pride and self-importance ...

[anonymous]

Hun Bun chill out, lol me in exact same boat, people who dont know me think im a biatch. My best m8 of now used 2 think i was an arrogant cow, most of my frends now in the past b4 they knew me used to not particularly like me v much. Dtz nly because im a loud mouth who does things without givin two tosses wat any1 else thinks. dats jus me. if ppl dont like that about me then i hav 2 words 4 them. wich i wont say on here. :D:D

jus be yourself. dats al id advise ya man. d last thing id do is change bein ME to pleaes others. they can dooooooooo 1 4 al i care.

those who know me luv me those hu dont h8 me BIG DEAAAAAAAAAAAL lol

[- Qatada -]

I thought that according to the Qu'ran muslimahs were required to lower their gazes and not walk proudly (something about not striking their heels loudly on the ground?) :?

thats in the presence of guys, and guys are to lower their gaze in the presence of women.

[anonymous]

actuali, ev1 on here thinks am an arrpgant cow n al cumk 2 think of it! wat can i say,dts jus d effect dee ----------- has on peepz ahaha :D

[truemuslim]

actuali, ev1 on here thinks am an arrpgant cow n al cumk 2 think of it! wat can i say,dts jus d effect dee ----------- has on peepz ahaha :D

Asian queeen?? i thought u were banned? lol
u r arrogant.. im just kiddin i dont even kno u

@ topic

U shouldnt even lissen to what people are sayin bout u, allah knows how u really are. and smile more sis

[anonymous]

Asian queeen?? i thought u were banned? lol
u r arrogant.. im just kiddin i dont even kno u

@ topic

U shouldnt even lissen to what people are sayin bout u, allah knows how u really are. and smile more sis

SHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

lol i actuali BANNED maself

too right, y u even care wat odas think

N sis i cudnt care less if u fink am arrogant No offence

[truemuslim]

SHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

lol i actuali BANNED maself

too right, y u even care wat odas think

N sis i cudnt care less if u fink am arrogant No offence

LOOL


lol sis i meant i dont kno u so i wouldnt kno if u iz arrogant er not. lol
im sure u aint tho :statisfie

[AnonymousPoster]

:salamext:


smile more often, and approach the other person first insha Allah to prove that you're not.

may be this is my problem brother, I am always shy to be the first mover, but when someone comes to me it become very easy to deal with her.
about the smiling, I cant smile all the time, but I often smile when I see one of my friends or sometimes when I talk with a stranger in the campus. Do I have to smile even if when I see the strangers, Thats will be very hard on me
jazak allah khair brother for the advise

I thought that according to the Qu'ran muslimahs were required to lower their gazes and not walk proudly (something about not striking their heels loudly on the ground?) :?

Perhaps what some people/cultures perceive to be a sign of self-confidence, other will consider to be pride and self-importance ...

my style of walking is that I dont like to walk slowly at all, is this have anything to do with being arrogant?
you might be right that some people see that self confidence is a sign of being pride or arrogant while the others are not, because not all of my friends think that I am an arrogant................Alhumdulilah there's a hope :statisfie

few of them disagree strongly when I told them if I am an arrogant :X:X
subhan allah.....people are really strange

[glo]

my style of walking is that I dont like to walk slowly at all, is this have anything to do with being arrogant?
you might be right that some people see that self confidence is a sign of being pride or arrogant while the others are not, because not all of my friends think that I am an arrogant................Alhumdulilah there's a hope :statisfie

I always walk fast with real purpose too ... my husband is forever complaining because he can't keep up! :D
I tell him to hold my hand, that way I can't walk off ...

[AnonymousPoster]

I always walk fast with real purpose too ... my husband is forever complaining because he can't keep up! :D
I tell him to hold my hand, that way I can't walk off ...

LOL...the same goes with my friends :D
always complaining, they say I am flying when I walk

[Snowflake]

oh my dear sister thats very kind from you , I dont know actually how I can interpret the people action, its really sucks

aww sis, you don't need to be interpreting people's actions.. especially those who you have no concern with. A lot of people experience what you have. Me too. But for me it's like water of a ducks back. I used to smile a lot when younger and someone told it was looked irritating LOL! Then when I wasn't smiling so much, even workmen would shout things like, "Cheer up love, it might never happen!" LOL! And I wasn't even upset! So, don't worry if people assume something that isn't true. Just be your lovely self. :D

I really dont know if what they said is right or not in that I am better than what they thought at the beginning. I hope they are honest with me in sha allah. sometimes they said that I get upset quickly and that I am sensetive person.....I dont know if this has anything to do with being arrogant, it is the human feeling I guess that no one can change it I guess......I am really confused
jazaki allah khair sister for your kind words

Yeah, they are being honest. Not everyone would be saying the exact same thing and lying. So don't worry. A girl once told me she first thought I was really bitc*y. I don't know why cuz I have an innocent baby face. But it didn't upset me. Everyone perceives expressions differently. Lol, don't worry about it. You sound wicked to me! :D

[IbnAbdulHakim]

me in exact same boat, people who dont know me think im a biatch.

but she said arrogant though :| not... the other thing



anyway i see three easy cures to this !


smile/keep head down/spread salaamz.



btw girl cousins and other girls called me arrogant before.... but no brother has.

Alhamdulillaah.



Assalamu Alaikum

[- Qatada -]

:salamext:


sis, try it - whenever you see any sister - just go for it, smile at her in the face - even if you think she wont smile back (then you can divert your eyes away if you feel shy, but it breaks down a mental barrier and people see you as good.) its sunnah and theres reward in that insha Allah. i used to be shy to do that but now i even do it if i see a brother going by while i'm in the car.. because a smile is free but it gives so much benefit to others.


at the beginning you might feel shy, but this builds your confidence and its nothing to be shy about either - people just start thinking your a good person. the companions would say they never saw anyone smiling as much as the Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wasalam). i think it's kool and the smile beautifies people, so your connection with Allah should allow you to be confident because you know you're doing it for His pleasure, so He won't forsake you.


smiling is easier than approaching other people, and that is sufficient for people to know you're not arrogant. because an arrogant person (supposedly) doesn't make the first move. you can do it with your friends, other muslims are your friends too - so work on it from there.. from sisters your close to, to other sisters you dont know..


sometimes the only problem is that some people have faces in which their expression looks slightly grumpy or serious, but by smiling more often - or atleast abit more than before, - people start realising you're a good, flexed out and relaxed person..


pray to Allah to support you.. even in small matters like these. Allah azawajal wil help u follow the sunnah!

[Snowflake]

Qatada: sis, try it - whenever you see any sister - just go for it, smile at her in the face - even if you think she wont smile back (then you can divert your eyes away if you feel shy, but it breaks down a mental barrier and people see you as good.)

Agreed.

I also want to add something. Sometime ago, I reminded myself to give salam to every sister I pass in the street. Now I'm a shy person who normally finds it hard to make eye-contact. But I so wanted my 10 rewards (the least) that I started to say 'asalam alaikum' to every sister I passed. This really broke the ice and these sisters now ask how I am after we greet each other. It's actually quiet funny cuz when I'm standing outside the school gates and they go past, it's a never ending 'asalam alaikum -wa alaikum asalam' session going on. It makes us all smile and feel closer for the sake of Allah. :statisfie

Tip - give salams and the smiles will follow :D

[glo]

^ What are the 10 rewards you refer to, Muslimah Sis?

[- Qatada -]

:salamext:


yeah remember what the Messenger of Allah said (translation of the meaning);

Shall I guide to that which would make you love one another? Spread greetings [of peace - salaam] abundantly amongst yourselves.” [Sahih Muslim]


The sisters will love and respect you this way insha Allah.

[Mysterious Uk]

I actually have the same problem lol. Loads of people have perhaps either mistaken confidence with arrogance or it was mainly because i joke around way too much. It doesn't matter what people think of you really, ur not intending to sound arrogant so what can u really do about it. I bet u felt really hurt when they said u sounded arrogant, i would.

Anyways, the moral to this post, Who cares if people think you are arrogant..Because your not.

[Ali.]

I actually have the same problem lol. Loads of people have perhaps either mistaken confidence with arrogance or it was mainly because i joke around way too much. It doesn't matter what people think of you really, ur not intending to sound arrogant so what can u really do about it. I bet u felt really hurt when they said u sounded arrogant, i would.

Anyways, the moral to this post, Who cares if people think you are arrogant..Because your not.

Exactly! You should never think too much about what people think of you.

[Danah]

:salamext:


yeah remember what the Messenger of Allah said (translation of the meaning);

Shall I guide to that which would make you love one another? Spread greetings [of peace - salaam] abundantly amongst yourselves.” [Sahih Muslim]


The sisters will love and respect you this way insha Allah.

Agreed :thumbs_up
spreading salam is the best way to be loved by the others

[AnonymousPoster]

Muslimah_sis: jazaki allah khair sis,your advice is more than appreciated may allah reward you al jannah. I will try my best in sha allah.

Brother Qatada:
I think I will try me best to breaks down the mental barrier, but I think it will be somehow diffecult for me since I am a shy person with the strangers. May Allah reward you al jannah in sha allah and jazak allah khair for the advise

Anyways, the moral to this post, Who cares if people think you are arrogant..Because your not.

Exactly! You should never think too much about what people think of you.

jazakum allah khair brother and sister
to be honest with you, sometimes I said the same thing to myself
but the problem is that we are living with those people and we have to build our relation with them properly case we are living in the same world.