PDA

View Full Version : WOULD u go against ur parents... !



arabianprincess
05-19-2008, 04:38 AM
salam wa 3lyekom

well one of my friends... wants to get married to a muslim guy nothin wrong with him except hes not an arab... now she came for advice .. n i was like try n talk to em .. but i told her... u know u already knew there isnt hope i was like why did u put ur self in that position knowin that , i mean she did meet him in the unversity ( for ppl who might think she dated him) but everythin was talkin n once he told her he wanted to ask for her ... she came n ask me.., ... n its not about religion but its more of a culture thing ( they believe its better to marry from ur ppl ).. but she said.. if they go against allah then u dont need to listen to em ( la ta3et la makhlok fee ma3esyat allah ) .. now i dont know wat to do ... help:enough!: neededdddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd dddddd im going crazy... ... i told her.. like if they dont agree wat will u do.. run away with him come on now let be realistic! losttttttt
Reply

Login/Register to hide ads. Scroll down for more posts
*charisma*
05-19-2008, 05:51 AM
Assalamu Alaikum

Well she has to obey her parents none the less, even if they reject him for something invalid such as cultural reasons. Now if they forced her to get married to someone she didn't want to get married to, that's a different matter. When I realized that there are families that reject their children to marry outside of the culture, I talked to my mom about it ahead of time to see her views on the subject, with the hopes of possibly opening her mind to other ethnicities and showing her the flaw in having ethnicity-bias, just in case. Alhemdulilah that I did this earlier and that she was open-minded about it, because I didn't want to have to go through the trouble of over-thinking alone without even talking to my parents about it. However, keep in mind that our parents give us away to people that they believe are best for us and that we are compatible with. I can see why they'd want someone from the same culture, despite the issue of piety.

She should speak to her parents about it in a mature manner with good intentions and make du'a for herself, that Allah leads her to what is best for her, and that He will build a desire in her heart to accept and love what is decreed for her.

If she can help them find a flaw in their way of thinking (having cultural bias rather than focusing on better characteristics), then that is a deed and advancement for her; and if they have better reasons that she has overlooked, than she needs to realize her parents have valid reasons for their choice and she always needs to consult them when it comes to marriage. If her parents don't have any valid reason, then she just should forget about that person and she needs to be patient and continue to try to open their mind in case she falls in the same situation later on.

But yeah, she should speak to her parents about it if she wants this person, otherwise if she's not going to include her parents because she fears rejection, then she needs to just forget about it and move on.

fi aman Allah
w'salaam
Reply

cute123
05-19-2008, 06:29 AM
Walekum assalam Wa rahmatullah wa barkatahu
First of all daughters are very precious to parents , no matter what. Daughters are more loving also to parents than their sons, may be they dont show it off. but its true. and is vice versa. there is no need to be in so much hurry. Tell ur freind to peacefully talk to her parents. Tell her to talk with her parents. I mean dont decide on urself , just because they will so no for a particular reason. Marriage is not a joke. And specially in the marriage which does not has parental support, the respect between the spouses is less. Tell her dont panic , we have not seen the world as they have seen, experience counts, and its ok that we know their shortcomings, but that does not mean they are completely wrong. Tell her to peacefully talk with them , inshallah He will make path easy for her. Ameen
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
05-19-2008, 10:02 AM
subhanAllaah since when has a strange man one desires to marry got more priority then the parents.

the man says he wishes to marry, the parents say no...


if you reason and they accept then Alhamdulillaah

if you reason and they deny then fear ALlaah and obey your parents for disobedience of parents IS A MAJOR SIN. take it like a test..



Assalamu Alaikum
Reply

Welcome, Guest!
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up
medlink student
05-19-2008, 10:55 AM
this is not allowed in islam ,
remember the
'there is no arab better than a non Arab and there is no non-arab better than an Arab.
but they count in faith (~or somin like that~)'
:sl:
Reply

------
05-19-2008, 11:05 AM
:salamext:


1. Associating partners with Allah (Shirk)

Great Shirk: worshipping beings other than Allah (proof all over Quraan)
Small Shirk: Riya

The Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) said,

"Should I not inform you of that which I fear for you even more than the dangers of Dajjal? It is the hidden shirk: A person stands to pray and he beautifies his prayer because he sees the people looking at him".
(Sahih; Sunan ibn Majah)

2. Committing murder: (Furqan; 68)

3. Performing Sorcery (2: 102)

4. Not performing the Prayers(Maryam: 59)

5. Withholding the Zakat (Charity) (3: 180)

6. Breaking the fast of Ramadhan or not fasting in that month with a valid excuse.

Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) said,
"Islam is built upon five pillars: testifying that there is no true god except Allah and that Muhammad is the messenger of Allah, performing the prayers, paying the zakat, making the pilgrimage to the house, and fasting the month of Ramadhan" (Sahih al-Jami # 2837)

7. Not performing the pilgrimage when one has the ability to do so (above hadith)

8. Disobeying one's parents (al-Isra: 23)

9. Cutting off the ties of relationships (Muhammad: 22)

10. Committing adultery or fornication (al-Isra: 30)
by al-Hâfidh Abî 'Abdullâh Muhammad bin Ahmad bin Uthmân bin Qayyim Dhahabî

Major sins in Islam
Reply

arabianprincess
05-20-2008, 05:09 AM
salam wa 3lykom

she went n told her parents about him........ n they refused ,, cuz hes not arabi n second ... if he was arabi hes not from them.. as in let say if shes from lebanon ,, n hes from jordon.. that wont work ... to them .. just an example .. so anyawys they told her if she dont forget about him.. then she will get into much trouble.. u know they r not kiddin at all... i told her.. just forget him ... she said she ll fight .. now i heard some stories gurls tried to do that.. but u dont wanna know wat there ending was............................. im reallly scared for her... but shes at that stage she thinks .. she can win.............n she dont wanna listen .. should i stay out... im tired of tellin her.. but im scaredddddddddddddddddddddd for her :enough!: allah ye3een salamz
Reply

arabianprincess
05-20-2008, 05:10 AM
Originally Posted by o.elmais
this is not allowed in islam ,
remember the
'there is no arab better than a non Arab and there is no non-arab better than an Arab.
but they count in faith (~or somin like that~)'
:sl:
i know but thats just the way it is................. old generation they think this how it should be... someone from them is better.. he knows everythin .. n they dont need to explain anythin to him ... :omg:
Reply

arabianprincess
05-20-2008, 05:11 AM
Originally Posted by IbnAbdulHakim
subhanAllaah since when has a strange man one desires to marry got more priority then the parents.

the man says he wishes to marry, the parents say no...


if you reason and they accept then Alhamdulillaah

if you reason and they deny then fear ALlaah and obey your parents for disobedience of parents IS A MAJOR SIN. take it like a test..



Assalamu Alaikum
thnk u... i ll let her know that..
Reply

arabianprincess
05-20-2008, 05:13 AM
[QUOTE=Asma Shaikh;945077]Walekum assalam Wa rahmatullah wa barkatahu
First of all daughters are very precious to parents , no matter what. Daughters are more loving also to parents than their sons, may be they dont show it off. but its true. and is vice versa. there is no need to be in so much hurry. Tell ur freind to peacefully talk to her parents. Tell her to talk with her parents. I mean dont decide on urself , just because they will so no for a particular reason. Marriage is not a joke. And specially in the marriage which does not has parental support, the respect between the spouses is less.

i told her that. ..... hopefully i can help her out.. salamz
Reply

arabianprincess
05-20-2008, 05:14 AM
Originally Posted by *charisma*
Assalamu Alaikum

Well she has to obey her parents none the less, even if they reject him for something invalid such as cultural reasons. Now if they forced her to get married to someone she didn't want to get married to, that's a different matter. When I realized that there are families that reject their children to marry outside of the culture, I talked to my mom about it ahead of time to see her views on the subject, with the hopes of possibly opening her mind to other ethnicities and showing her the flaw in having ethnicity-bias, just in case. Alhemdulilah that I did this earlier and that she was open-minded about it, because I didn't want to have to go through the trouble of over-thinking alone without even talking to my parents about it. However, keep in mind that our parents give us away to people that they believe are best for us and that we are compatible with. I can see why they'd want someone from the same culture, despite the issue of piety.

She should speak to her parents about it in a mature manner with good intentions and make du'a for herself, that Allah leads her to what is best for her, and that He will build a desire in her heart to accept and love what is decreed for her.

If she can help them find a flaw in their way of thinking (having cultural bias rather than focusing on better characteristics), then that is a deed and advancement for her; and if they have better reasons that she has overlooked, than she needs to realize her parents have valid reasons for their choice and she always needs to consult them when it comes to marriage. If her parents don't have any valid reason, then she just should forget about that person and she needs to be patient and continue to try to open their mind in case she falls in the same situation later on.

But yeah, she should speak to her parents about it if she wants this person, otherwise if she's not going to include her parents because she fears rejection, then she needs to just forget about it and move on.

fi aman Allah
w'salaam

the problem is .. that she said shes in love with him.. * which obviously i dont believe in it.. before marrage.. like when u honestly really know him .. actually livin together .. * but shes indenial
Reply

arabianprincess
05-20-2008, 05:15 AM
Originally Posted by - Brok3n -
:salamext:




by al-Hâfidh Abî 'Abdullâh Muhammad bin Ahmad bin Uthmân bin Qayyim Dhahabî

Major sins in Islam
thankz i ll let her know that.
Reply

SouLda_Gal
05-20-2008, 03:23 PM
well whats wrong with marrying someone you love??... why cant her parents understand that... her parents can advise her and help her that she should marry this guy n not him etc.. but they cant just say ''no becos hes not an arab'' i mean come on how mean is that.... at the end of the day shes the one whos gona live with the guy so i think she should try talking 2 her parents again.. if they still dont listen then... why not go againt her parents n marry him because shes already told them so many times n they still probly dnt seem 2 understand.. but anyway thats just my opinion and they not unislamic :)
salaamz :)
Reply

AvarAllahNoor
05-21-2008, 12:16 AM
Culture again eh!

If he's a Muslim, I can't see the problem. I've told my parents I'll marry a Sikh convert who may be black, chinese or white and they won't do anything about it. As in Sikhism they are Sikhs regardless of colour or culture. Though my extended family object, but I have a nice long sharp Kirpan for them! lol
Reply

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 4
    Last Post: 08-22-2016, 12:50 AM
  2. Replies: 7
    Last Post: 07-26-2012, 01:26 PM
  3. Replies: 0
    Last Post: 03-08-2010, 04:54 PM
  4. Replies: 105
    Last Post: 04-22-2007, 04:25 PM
  5. Replies: 0
    Last Post: 04-12-2006, 01:16 PM

IslamicBoard

Experience a richer experience on our mobile app!