Im so angry at my family.

[liono79]

Assalam o Alaikum, brothers and sisters.
I know this is not a forum to discuss private lives but I have no one, or no where to vent my frustration at most of my family members. Sometimes I wish I was a bird and could fly away so far never to see my familly again. I am a very decent, honest, kind person. My familly has put me under so much strain and stress, yet im the youngest.
I should be learning of them, but all they seem to do is bad and more bad. I pray, give charity and do good whenever I can. The last several years especially have been the worst of my life.

My father comiitted a murder when I was a young boy. He went into jail for several years. He came out sold the house, and left us, got married and had kids. He leads a normal life with his new familly and doesnt care about any of his seven kids. I get angry when I see him sometimes. I take him food and money. He has never done anything for me or my brothers and sisters or my mum.

All my sisters ran away when I was a teenager. I didnt see some of them for more than 10 years. Two of them came back. One came back and has mental health problems. Me and my mum take care of her and have been doing since 2001, but mostly she refuses to take her medication. Its very difficult when she doesnt take it. I get really depressed seeing her in a bad state.

My other sister became depressed and tried to committ suicide on many occassions over 2 years. She was placed in hospital and sectioned. She later got divorced, her house taken off her aswell as her money. Again me and my mum visited her almost every day. Most of my other brothers and sisters didnt even bother as they were too busy in their own lives. Again this made me very angry and low as I was upset with them.

For several years my brother took advantage of my mums kindness. They would bring their girlfriends in their bedrooms anytime they wanted whether day or night. I thought this was wrong and immoral and showed a lack of respect. They continue to do so. As Iam writing this he is in his bedroom with his girlfriend (01:15am). My other brother who was married and has one boy has had an affair and is now expecting a baby with his lover. I am really angry and sad about this.

I dont know what to do. I pray regualarly for my brother and sisters for them to change for the better, for health, forgiveness etc. I mortgage my mums house as non of my siblings had the courage to do so. I dont drink or smoke or mess about.
I regularly think of running away, but always back down as I know my mum would be helpless without me. Im 28, from the UK.

Please any advice such as dua's etc would be much appreciated.

[Güven]

Asallamu Aleykoum Wa Rahmetullahi Wa Barekatuh

My dear Brother I see your having a very hard time, I wish I could help you even if im 17 and you 28 but that doesnt matter All I can say is that your been tested by Allah and that you have to be patient And dont forget That Allah is with the Patient.
And what I dont understand Is that your the youngest and your 28 but your brother is still livin in your house ??
but nvrmind that, just Trust Allah And be steadfast in your prayers Inshallah and I will make Dua For you aswell and all of Us Inshallah And You will come free from the misery one day Inshallah
So dont give up Brother have patient/Sabr

[Skillganon]

Salaam

I don't have much advice to offer. Not good with it

Are you muslim or your family?

If yes learn your deen learn to pray properly.

Wassalaam

[جوري]

Aslaam 3lykoum wr wb

to begin.. I really am sorry for your troubles akhi..
now let's try the systematic approach to this.
1- YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW YOUR FAMILY BEHAVES. You can only control you, you can't control them. Rest assured that there were sa7abas and prophets whose family members are abiding eternally in hell, in no way am I suggesting that you should give up on them, merely that if anyone could save someone else, Abraham PBUH would have saved his father, Noah his son, or Prophet Mohammed SAW his uncle.. each soul is held in pledge by its own deeds sura 74 verse 38... thus the best thing you can do is give advise that they may take heed.. if they don't, then you can wash your hands clean and focus on you.. rest assured that no good deed goes unrewarded with Allah swt, so if you are taking care of a suicidal sister or helping someone your reward shall be with your lord and you should do it with an open heart..

I don't know if you can get family counseling at this stage? what ever the case, just be the best you, you can be.. focus on your work, prayers (especially prayers) and try to improve the quality of your life so that, you could lead by example to your siblings and in your community...

I leave you to the care of Allah swt..

waslaam 3lykoum wr wb

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[cute123]

What Skye Ephémérine Sis said, is true. I feel bad about your sisters and mom too.just why dont you all try to be each others strength. leave ur brothers alone. Wonder at your mum , she is the one bearing a lot. anyways , this is life and need to be handled systematically as sis said. Do as much as you can and try to be one ; like the sisters of the family, much of you all need a common thread which will bind and keep u together, emotionally.

[liono79]

Assalam o Alaikum, i really appreciate your replies. I am a muslim from the Uk. I just feel let down by my familly. At a very young age (after college) I took on the responsibility of the household. I look at other peoples famillies and wish my familly would have some love, affection and respect for one another. The truth is they dont and have never done so.
I have spent almost all my savings on helping my familly to an extent its put me in debt. I have not worked for a long time as all my focus and energy is put into bringing familly together or stopping people arguing from one another etc:

My mum has been through so much. I feel let down by some of my siblings. They should take some responsibilty of looking after her as she has become tired over the years especially after my stepfather died almost one year ago.

Güven: Thanks Guven and sorry im the second youngest. The youngest is 24.
Skye: Thanks for the advice. I know i am not responsible for how some of my familly behaves. But it makes angry and depressed.

[cute123]

Walekum As Salam,bro be steadfast in your prayers. That is the thing the most required.
the best prayer I know is ,

حَسْبُنَا اللَّهُ وَنِعْمَ الْوَكِيلُ

"Allah is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs.''

Surah Al Imran Ayah 173.

[Snowflake]

asalam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wabarakahtuhu brother,

Help your mother to stand up to your brothers and TELL them to stop bringing and commiting haram into the house. If they don't stop then your mother should tell them to leave - even if it has to involve the law. Wallahi they don't have no shame bringing girlfriends home in the presence of your mother, sisters and you who worships Allah there! When a home becomes a place where sins are openly and ashamedly committed it becomes void of Allah subhana wa ta'ala's blessings and mercy. You must help your mother put an end to it immeditately.


May Allah reward you for taking care of your mother and sisters. I don't advise you to continue allowing the haram that is going on. There is no need to be patient and wait for them to change. The haram needs to end NOW! However do continue to be patient in praying for their guidence and asking Allah subhana wa ta'ala to help your affairs, inshaAllah.


Please give your mother the encouragement she needs and make her see that she has the responsibility to stop her offspring from commiting zina in her home.

Abu Sa`id (radhiallahu `anhu) that the Prophet sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam said, "Whoever sees something evil should change it with his hand. If he cannot, then with his tongue; and if he cannot do even that, then in his heart. That is the weakest degree of faith."

Once this disease is removed from your home, inshaAllah ta a'la you will find ease in other matters that you have to deal with. Please don't delay. I pray Allah gives you the strength and patience to purify your home of this filth, to grant you His help and mercy in all your affairs and to heal your hearts of the suffering you have met. Ameen


Take this first important step then we can discuss how to help your sister's depression inshaAllah. May Allah be with you. Ameen.


wa alaikum asalam wr wb.

[جوري]

You know I think I understand and any of us can relate to where you are..
It is really difficult starting over when you are chin high in debt and trouble..
But you have to believe that if you resolve to do something in your mind, you will.. all you have to do is take that initial first step.

Now what we understand to be really pressing is that you are in debt and you haven't worked in a long time.. the fact that you feel the need to help everyone else around you undoubtedly depresses you and compounds the burden...

so this is what you have to resolve to do in your mind at this moment
you sit down and make a list of things you absolutely have to do so you are not sucked into a vortex of more depression and more debts... you have to put your feelings aside for now.. I know it sounds radical and very difficult to do...
I don't want to give this example but let's say two weeks ago my uncle died.. everyone undoubtedly is overcome with grief.. but someone has to handle the setting up prayers and burial.. normally good people from the community come together to help the aggrieved but as it so happens most of the time it really is the family's burden to contact the hospital to arrange for a hearse, to arrange the funeral.. do you understand? it doesn't mean they are any less sad or that, they are happy committing a body to the ground.. No the opposite.. it means they are giving dignity to the deceased by burrying him and doing the right thing.. there is plenty of time to cocoon yourself with your sorrows and reflect, but that isn't what is going to pull you out of your state.

Now, what you must do, is find a job! that should be your number one priority.. call an agency, rev up your resume, your CV, it might take a couple of days, or get a professional to help you. You can start by working part time at first so you can have time to take care of all this other stuff on the side, but first and foremost, I think a job will really be good for your moral, you'll meet with new people, you'll have some money, you can afford better care for your sisters and mother, you dare to even dream of having a life of your own.. what your brothers do is abominable I am not going to disagree.. but you are the better person here.. it is better to be the hand that gives than the hand that receives...

Akhi.. stand up.. take a deep breath in.. and leave your sorrows, they will be there, you can afford to take a break from them.. and do what you must.. and keep us posted on your progress insha'Allah.. you can make this a public diary of your progress rather than a page to lament over your sorrows..

I wish you the very best insha'Allah
waslaam 3lykoum wr wb

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you liono79; I hope and pray that you might feel encouraged by everyone here. welcome to the forum.

You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, you are still struggling to do the right thing despite all the stuff that is going against you and you haven’t given up at the age of 28. I have to admire your perseverance to keep your trust in Allah.

It is easy giving advice because the person giving the advice does not have to put it into action

My dad taught me all about the evils of drinking, I watched him drink himself to death, I didn’t fully understand at the time.

My uncle has taught me about the evils of gambling; he is eighty five today and has probably lost a million pounds in his lifetime. He lost a very successful business, a huge house and his wife. Even now he still talks about finding a winning system to beat the bookies after sixty years of loosing.

Nothing any of us said could talk my dad out of drinking or turn my uncle away from gambling.

I watched my mum suffer from multiple scleroses for the last twenty five years of her life. She could not move her arms or her legs for about the last fifteen years. She had a very gentle faith and continued to try and encourage us and do the right thing despite her shell that was her body. This was whilst her husband was drinking himself to death; and her brother was gambling everything away;

Despite everything that was conspiring against her she remained a very gentle, loving and cheerful person, she is the strongest person I shall ever know.

Learn from your family members all the things that are wrong, and you will not repeat their errors.

I have to agree with skye

1- YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW YOUR FAMILY BEHAVES. You can only control you, you can't control them.

The chances are that you will not be able to change your family and their habits, they have to do that for themselves. I believe you need to keep searching for an inner peace from God, a peace that surpasses all understanding. I believe you need to search for ways to overcome your anger by forgiving the rest of your family and keep trusting in Allah.

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding,

Eric

[cute123]

I cant speak better than sis sky, thats really the truth, do let us know how u progress

[Muhammad]

:sl:

I am sorry to hear what you are going through, brother. You have been through a very tough past.

Allaah, Exalted is He, says in His blessed book, the interpretation of the meaning of which is:

And your Lord says: Call upon Me, I will answer you; [Al-Mu'min 40:60]

One important message that I'd like to add is remember that du'aa is the weapon of the believer. By praying and remaining steadfast on your deen, Alhamdulillah, that is one of the greatest things you can do. It will bring you closer to Allaah (swt) and He is the only One who can help you and your family. Keeping away from sins and being submissive in prayer are means by which du'aa is answered.

Remember that there are also things which prevent a du'aa from being answered, such as eating, drinking and dressing from what is unlawful. So take great care in where your earnings are coming from.

When you ask, ask with absolute resolve, and believe with certainty that your du'aa will be answered. Remember that Allaah responds to the distressed one when he calls Him, and that no believer makes du'aa that is wasted - either it is granted here in this world or deposited for Him in the Hereafter as long as he does not get frustrated.

Also remember the hadeeth,
"The dua of a Muslim for his brother (in Islam) in his absence is readily accepted, an angel is appointed to his side, whenever he makes a beneficial dua for his brother the appointed angel says "aameen and may you also be blessed with the same".
[Sahih Muslim]


Also, try to meet practising Muslims and keep good company, and the importance of good company cannot be over-emphasised. Go to the Masjid regularly if possible, and perhaps you will make some friends. It will be good for your own well-being Insha'Allaah. Perhaps there will be someone there that can help you in your situation.

Lastly, look after your mother and give her good company. Never give up advising and calling to goodness. Be patient and strong for the sake of Allaah (swt), and trust that He will make a way for you to get out from every difficulty.

And we ask Allaah (swt) to help you, make it easy for you, guide your family and give you the patience and strength to succeed, Aameen.

:w:

[liono79]

Assalam o Alaikum everyone. Thanks for taking the time to respond quickly. I feel really bad telling my problems to others. They are a minority when I look at the suffering that occurs in and around the world.

I was so nervous when I was writing the post. I had to think for several minutes before I pressed the submit button. I have never taked to anyone about familly matters. I was tought to keep whats happening in the home, in home.

I had so much pressure I had to let it go someway. I guess talking can sometimes help. In my early twenties I had so much on my plate responsibility wise. I was taking responsibility for my mum, sisters, household, looking after my dad (even though he lives with his own familly several miles away, as well as my job and education.

I guess I just needed a father type figure, someone to tell me that I was doing good to keep my morals high and to put a hand on my head.
I dont show my true feelings at home as my familly's already in too much stress especially my mum. They seem to think im happy with the way things are happening at home. The truth is I am very disappointed in certain members ofmy familly.

I tell my mum to tell my brothers to act more responsible and stop doing bad. I dont do it myself as whenever I seem to try they always get angry and I dont want to break up the familly as its allready is in some sort of way. Also I dont want to put pressure on on my mum as our stepdad only recently died 15+ months ago. She been through too much in a violent relationship struggling to bring seven kids on her own. Its very difficult to explain.
Sometimes I wish we were more happy, together as one familly unit. Then again, sometimes I wish we had a father.

Ive taken alot of things on board from reading the replies. It will take me a few days to sink in. I guess I will have to be more patience, pray more to allah swt, and continue to be responsible.
Wassalaam

[noorseeker]

:thumbs_upSalam brother , hope you are well. I have been following your thread for a few days now, for some reason have not posted til now.


i sort of know what you are going through, it is very hard being the person in the house who seems to have stayed on the right path and who,s head seems to be screwed on, for some reason i ended up being that guy , i am no angel i assure you.

I have no father aswell and my mum seems to have so much on her plate, its not as bad now, but i had brothers come home intoxicated , another on drug addiction, two of my bros have mental problems,, seen fights happen, i seem to have escaped all this, only allah swt knows why. I always seem to have been understanding ,and bro when you see tears in your mum eyes its hard when you cant do nothing about it.:thumbs_up


You have to bite your lip for your mums sake ,coz if you say something to your siblings you dont want to start another fight. I am practising and may be i am put in the position of being the good one in the family , which in it self is hard as it adds more pressures to you. I have to stay strong for my mum.

And when you see your brothers doing bad, it seems your mum are even more kind to them. and when i do something wrong i get it, brother these are mothers for you, they never stop caring for you. yes because my mum is distracted by their problems i feel left out somrtimes.

My advice is be strong bro, your mum need you to be strong, be her rock, do little things like just sit down in the same room as her from time to time, just you and her and just chit chat.

Seeing problems around you make you see why things are made haram to us, it makes you want to stay away from these things even more.you hate drink, drugs , with a vengeance , and as for your bros bringing girls back home , i am gobsmacked , as our prophet pbuh said if you have no shame do as you wish, your mum has to be strict on that, the audasity of those girls to even set foot in your house makes my blood boil. I dont know what to say.


Question . Would i give up all those experiences i have seen, answer to that is no. its made me the man i am today, im not afraid of problems , imagine i had a stress free life and in the future something happened , iwould be scared and afraid on how to deal with it.

This will help you in your future life , inshallah when you have kids , you will show them why things are haram.

Hold in their bro , you are in my duas, i only slighty understand of whet your going through as your circomstances seem way way harder tham mine.


My way of dealing with things is to talk , dont keep things bottled up, i got a close friend to talk to and it does help. your mum is in mu duas, bro



Mums are amazing , and if Allah swt loves us more than 70 mothers, then trully allah swt is more amazing , ask allah swt , and he will help you, only allah swt knows how hard it is, take care my brother in islam wasalam

[cute123]

Assalam Alaikum

Bro what u said is perfectly understandable, but let ur emotions get out , as if u hold them up, u wont be able to move further. I am sure ALLAH TALLAH will make a way out for you, as said by bro nightstar He has love equal to 70 mothers. and He is the only one able to help us. At times we wonder why all this is happening, but believe me bro HE is well aware of what is happening, be patient and put your trust in HIM. His greatness we cant imagine.
And the thing pointed out by bro Muhammed is also important, see from where u earnings come and whether what u eat is HALAL.

Its really heart pleasing , to see sons loving their mothers and steadfast on ISLAM, inspite of all these obstacles. What all i can say is , u all r the strength of ISLAM, keep on moving, time - time is passing and will pass by, nobody will live forever in this world, and all the agonies will come to end and there is the final abode . dont loose heart , HE is ever watching and with you all. Just run towards HIM. May ALLAH love you, and forgive all your sins, and rectify all your affairs and grant you the highest positions in Jannah. Ameen

[IbnAbdulHakim]

may Allaah reward you for the way your taking care of your mother.

at least she has a son whos been tryin to keep her happy, Alhamdulillaah.

there are mothers who are left with no one...


bro just hope for jannah and keep at it... one day you'll get your relief.


you'll get it bro but in the meanwhile keep praying and be patient.. keep trying to change your family...





IF i was in your shoes bro.. i would probably regularly talk to my brothers hoping to touch their hearts... what more can i do?


learn your religion... be patient..

[liono79]

Assalaam O Laikum, brothes, sisters and all.
I really appreciate all the advice given, I relly do deep down. Im currently updating my cv (almost completed). It has quite a large gap. Im worried employers will be put of by this.
Im not not on any benefits and have never done so. Most of my savings have well been used up. My confidence is also down. Would it be best to leave the gap as it is and explain to any prospective employer that I have been caring for my sisters. Please any advice appreciated,
waslaam.

[aadil77]

Assalaam O Laikum, brothes, sisters and all.
I really appreciate all the advice given, I relly do deep down. Im currently updating my cv (almost completed). It has quite a large gap. Im worried employers will be put of by this.
Im not not on any benefits and have never done so. Most of my savings have well been used up. My confidence is also down. Would it be best to leave the gap as it is and explain to any prospective employer that I have been caring for my sisters. Please any advice appreciated,
waslaam.

I think you would write something in your profile like: 'I am now seeking employment after blah blah circumstances, having to look after my sisters'

Because a cv is personal and you can include things like that in profile

[Snowflake]

asalam alaikum wr wb,

I agree with what Bro Aadil said. Do state your circumstances in absence of employment. I am sure any prospective employer would like a caring person like you, who put the needs of his family before his to work for him. It shows commitment. :)

All the best inshaAllah.


wa alaikum asalam wr wb.

[jannat]

:sl:


i hope ur in the best of health and imaan. you have been through so much, May Allah SWT reward for your efforts brother. Serious, Allahs SWT is watchig u in this struggle,ur not alone he is their for u and he knows. You helping ur mother and sister, is a beautiful act , May Allah reward u abundantly inshallah, give u patience against all that is going on, which angers u. Indeed this must hurt when u see bad and wish u can control it . Do what u can , like bro Muhammad quotes, i fink it was him, if u see anyfing bad change it with ur hands- sorry if i quoted that wrong. Inshallah ur prayers will make u stronger and remember Allah SWT is testing u , Dont give up now, u have fought so hard, Mashallah , in the end u will succeed inshallah. 'After difficulty there comes Ease/relief'.. ( I think thats a hadith or /Quranic verse)... running away from ur problems only makes the situation worse, neva better

Allah promises to answer inshallah, be patient.. i know easier said than done, but remember his Rasul SAW, he went through so much in his life, but he trusted Allah SWT, u do too..ur prayers will be a source of strength inshallah.

Your mun and sister are going through so much... there blessed they have u and one day inshallah ur efforts will reflect inshallah, Allahs watching, he is neva unjust, he will help inshallah.. like others have said, your not responsible for ur siblings behaviour, do ur best as a muslim to guide and advice, you can only do ur best, May Allah SWT guide ur siblings inshallah and bring ease to ur family. Ameen.

It must be hard and challenging, but remember how ever hard things are, keep going and one day the reward will come. Best wishes wid ur CV, and employment,the advice from others is really good.. Go for it.. inshalalh u will learn to be a better and stronger person from this situation, even though at the moment its not clear, The Rasul SAW said, all the affairs of the believer are good for him( just paraphasing), Allah SAW does things for a reason, and he loves to test his believers, its just a matter of time when things will get better inshallah.

I hope this advice has helped inshallah, MAY Allah SWT, bring peace and ease and happiness to ur life and to ur family.Ameen.
May Allah forgive me for my mistakes in the message.
Best wishes wid everfin,:)

:w:

[AvarAllahNoor]

Sometimes its good to get it off your chest. :)

May Allah make your path as easy as he can. It's a test yes, but it would appear people are taking advantage of your good nature. Don't let them walk over you, as they know you'll be there to pick up the pieces as you have done. You're father shall pay for what he's done! As will the rest of your family. I'd suggest yousell your houe and take your mum and begin anew life, het married if you've not. Then watch the rest of your family cope and pull their socks up!

Guru Fateh!

[cute123]

Assalaam O Laikum, brothes, sisters and all.
I really appreciate all the advice given, I relly do deep down. Im currently updating my cv (almost completed). It has quite a large gap. Im worried employers will be put of by this.
Im not not on any benefits and have never done so. Most of my savings have well been used up. My confidence is also down. Would it be best to leave the gap as it is and explain to any prospective employer that I have been caring for my sisters. Please any advice appreciated,
waslaam.

It would be better if the gap would be with reasonable justification. Actually it depends upon the employer to employer - if they are straighforward they do not mind. And moreover dont let your background shadow ur job perspective. be positive, the strength comes from inside. if its rejected by one employer then go for the second, the third, and just keep trying till u find . If you dont leave trying u will surely find one ,and that too may be u will find more than one, than choose the best out of it. but now u need to be strong and decide it in urself that if u earn a job that will help the family and u in the most positive way-hence common be enthusiastic :statisfie.

[liono79]

Assalaam O Laikum everyone.
Im really down today :cry:. Its all going downhil again, like it has been for years. Im so sorry everyone, but I dont have anyone else to talk to. My brother continues to do his bad deeds in the house. My sisters not taking her medication, my other sisters not on talking terms with my mum. I hate it, just hate it. All I ever wanted in my familly was resect and love between ourselves and respect for one another.

I always feel like running away but dont have the courage. Also I cant as I have too much responsibility on my head too much pressure.
Its the good ones that try to do the best that dont get anywhere.
I wish I could escape this life and start a new life for me, Im 28, and all I ever seem to do is help others.
I cant even think for myself. I cant even think about getting married as what am I supposed to do bring a decent girl in in our house full of badness.
I wish Allah swt would help me. Ive waited so long, held it all in in.
Sorry everyone :cry::cry::cry:

[cute123]

done loose heart akhee. See first accept it that they are not going to change all of a sudden and dont try to change that also. first u stand on your feet ignoring whatsoever comes in your way. for time being just ignore them as its practically not going to lead you anywhere. its like the bad is gulping the good also. first of all stand on your feet its very important,and then the ways will open automatically, Allah Tallah will surely help you, He knows everyone and everybody. but you put atleast a step and the way will inshallah automatically build up.

[anonymous]

:sl:

Subhanallah... Remember your creator is there, listening to your every cry. For all the pain and suffering you undergo, you will be rewarded InshaAllah. Never despair of the mercy of Allah. Allah tests those that He loves. You are being tested brother, this whole dunya is a test. "Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full without reckoning."

Remember that dua is the weapon of the believer, it can change your destiny... put your trust in Allah and pray, believing that he will help you, and then He will Insha'Allah.

"After every hardship comes relief."

We just have to hold on until then inshaallah... All the best brother...

:w:

[rose17]

May Allah help you and give ur family members true guidance and Understanding...Ameen

[sevgi]

:sl:

ive lived many similar things...still am...

asi sat night after night outside just staring the sky..thinking..why i had to be the mum in the house..the dad in the house...i was only 12 when the load of my family was placed on my shoulders...

i just have to say that it aint getting any better bro...ur family is ur worldy test...dont fail it...trust Allah..know that it is from him and that hopefully ur gna have a fully sick wife who is gna take all that load off ur shoulders...and if it doesnt happen...off to heaven u go insallah..just dont fail..dont give in the sheytan...

i always say this:

there are two types of silence...one is filled with serenity and peace...the other is filled with vesvese..whispers from the devil...

killing ur hope...ur strenght and ur trust in Allah is the greatest acheievement shaytan can attain...dont give it to him. he will always strike when we are vulnerable...and u are always vulnerable coz of ur situation...so hes gna pick on u a lot.....refrain from silence...always vent...

i urge you to write letters...i have bookloads written to my non-existent husband from when i was like 14...its differnt to a diary...your actually telling someone...helps you to see thru the emotions puts things into perspective...

or you could always write to us...:)

there was one ayah which kept me and keeps me alive and well inshallah...

"La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha"

'Allah will never burden his creations with a load they cannot carry'..or something like that...

you can carry this bro...noone else can..ur brothers cant...they are weak...Allah chooses some of us to be shepherds and others to be sheep. a day will come where Allah shows you the fork in the road..trust me..you will be given the ability to chose whether or not you wana remain a shepherd....and trust me...you wont wnaa change when the day comes...

wud u wana be any diferent at the moement...im sure what u have lived has drawn you to a different level..where noone understands you...where u look at other people and think..."how sad...how silly..how lame...wake up" and u will hate everyone..

which is what u are doing...

bt just remmeber that Allah created them..and they have tests of their own..tests which only they can carry...tests suited to their level...dont diss them for not being as respoisble as you are...they are merely human..they are petty...impotent...they are blind...

i always think...

if i am so hurt by some of the actions of some people....imagine how Allah feels...he has created us above any other being...we are the apples of his eye so to speak...and look at what we do...dont you think he has the right to be hurt...?

i'd burn us all too if i were him...

ok..im gna shut up...

salams...remember that there is khayr in everything Allah does...you mite not see it now..bt u will one day...so ur only job rite now is to be patient...

w/s

sevgi

[Souljette]

Great advice sis Sumeyye wow .subhanallah

[jannat]

:sl:

hey, hope this receives with the best health and imaan. be strong.. out all the 28 year olds in the world, alot of them have nt been thru what have been thru what u have..that makes u a very strong man, just parapharasing.. i think the Rasul SAW said wid enough imaan the problems/calamities of this dunya become easier inshallah. Has noone ever told u.. that the Good ones suffer more, are constantly afflicted , because you know why,??
He loves his believers and thats a fact!!

He loves those who he tests,this dunya is never perfect for a believer, but there will be peace inshallah.. Do u not believe and Allah and his messenger..YES OFFCOURSE u do.. and those who do and show patience will get the reward, the full reward inshallah.
Dnt cry, Allah knows how ur feeling, every tear , remember this.. Crying never makes you stronger, i used to think it did, it doesnt, You can handle this, how long have u been doing this hey.. long time now.. and ur going to let go.. Uve seen the worst, the worst is over.. its just another hurdle which u will get thru, if u believe u can, and u can, Allah will always been on the side of the good inshallah.You think hes nt watching, hearing all this.. jihad in its self perhaps.

Remember the Rasul SAW, he faced alot of problems he lost his wife, uncle and i fink people at the same time rejected him badly for preaching all the in the same yr. (i fink.). what am saying is he had trust in Allah, 100%..and he gt thru it. hes suffered more than any1 in this dunya and he was Allah SWT Beloved. Jannah Firduous is his, and inshallah u will get ur reward.
When u feel low or depressed try to read abt this amazing man, our final prophet SAW, inshallah it will help.

Give time to urself, take time out for urself.. go to the park somewhere quite to think and refresh. Go to the mosque for some peace. meet friends , but be away for a short while- me time is very important.
I really hope Allah SWT gives u ease, gives hidyat to ur siblings and health to ur sis and mum inshallah.

Check this URL below, for the nasheed Allah knows:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIEoWSB63hI

Best wishes, May Allah SWT bring you ease and peace. He will nt bear a burden u cannot bear inshallah.. Remember that, Trust him:D

:w:

[Musaafirah]

:sl:
Just gotta say bro, you're mum must be so proud of you. Even if she may not say it or show it..With regards to the gaps in employment. Just be honest and be yourself.
Insha'allah everything'll go well for you..
You're in my duahs..
Sorry i haven't been able to give you advice. Only a person who's going through a situation knows what it's like and at least you are trying to be optimistic about life by getting a job again and being there for you family..
chin up :)

[liono79]

asalam alaikum everyone. Hope you and you family are in good health. I've been reading through the posts and trying to take as much as I can in. Currently my sisters health is detiorating as it has for the past 2 years. She refuses to take her medication and becomes very violent and swears at whom she wishes especially our mum. She suffers from schizophrenia. I get really down as this happens everyday, its really hard.

Im ashamed of some of my brothers and my other sisters. They should be giving more family support instead of all the load being on my mum and me.
Anyway thaks for the support. I really do appreciate it. If I hadnt found this website I think I might have ran away a long time ago. I guess the key for us is to pray and be more sabr. Im hope and pray to almighty allah swt that we get some relief. Like someone on here said "After every hardship comes relief"
Were just waiting for ours:exhausted.

Wasalam.

[samirasabir]

Firstly i am really sorry for the probs that you have been experiencing but it seems that not having a father figure in your life has severly affected every 1 of your family however as the majority have shown no respect for your mother and have involved themselves in the downward spiral of intoxicants, is it not possible for you to maybe move out with your mother and focus your energy on the ones that need you and not the ones who are obviously taking your mother's and your knidness for granted. You are the youngest and do not need to carry the burden of your elder brothers remember you need to be strong for your mother and she is ultimately the only one you should feel responsible for. Your bros are old enough to look after themselves and do not forget that you also have future to live for. You need to focus on two people you and your mother and obv your sis that needs help however she also needs to take responsibilty for her own health. because you have taken on every bodys worries they do not need to worry, the minute you let them be independent then that will be the day that they will insha allah come to their senses and start to take responsibilty for their own lives and let you get on with yours. Remember you also will hopefully be starting a family of your own.You can not let the past destroy your future nor should you let the family members that do not show any concern for you destroy your present.May Allah give you the happiness that you deserve.

[niler]

am sory 4u bro, uv been through a lot!!
MaY God give u Sabr!!

[jannat]

:sl:
good to hear ur okay, just want to say, firstly ur sis is going tru siomething u cant control, this illness isnt nice but do ur best to be strong and supportive and interact wid her.if she was well she wouldnt say these things, so dont take these things to heart. Illness is from Allah SWT, something u dont have control of, do ur best to be der, wid time this illness will get better.. it takes time, but u will get der inshallah and secondly, i know u must feel very low, despair and upset , but remember if u thought of running away, than thats not fair on ur family members who need you, i.e. mum, sister.Your mum was der when u was a baby, she loved , cared and nutured u and alhamduillah neva left u when it got tough, Paradise lies under the feet of your mother(HADITH), we can really neva level wid the love ur parents gave u when u were younger.... so do what u can to look after ur parents, please Allah swt and be the Son she is going to be proud of!

Best wishes, regards and keep remembering Allah SWT.
Rab rakah
:w:

[liono79]

Im finding it really hard today. Nothing has changed. I try my best and still life is exactly the same. I look after my two sisters who are both ill. One of them refuses to take her medication and we get really stressed as she just crys and gets angry. I look after my mum. I do most of the cleaning in the house and some cooking, shopping and everything from putting up the washing on the line to basically everything. My day is one whole chore and its like this everyday. I just wish we had some sort of happiness/health. Believe me if I had a choice of millions of pounds or happiness/health I would choose the latter.Im approaching 29 and I see all my friends getting married and are happy in their jobs. I get embarrassed when they ask me what I do and what I have achieved. I did get a degree in I.T, but things went bad at home with my sisters and I was the one taking all the responsibility and trying to pick the pieces up, calming everyone down and trying my best to put the family together. I wish I could get married but if I did find somebody they would run a mile as would anyone with the atitude of most of my brothers and with my sisters being ill. With the mortgage on my name, I feel stuck and isolated. I can no way afford another mortgage. I cant give this one up either as my mum and others live here and she loves living here. I see her suffering everyday and it hurts me more than anyone in this household. No one cares, neither my father who disapperaed when I was seven or eight neither any of my siblings.
I feel I have trapped myself and sometimes I feel I will be in this situation for life.
I feel bad as my mum has been through so much from having an violent abusive husband for over 25 years. She left her parents and country at a very young age and gave up everything to raise seven of us on her own. Please help, im really confused and most of all very sad.

[kitten]

:sl:

subhanAllah :(...try and take each day as it comes. focus on one thing at a time.


may Allah swt guide your siblings to the straight path, bless your sisters with health , reward you for helping your family out and for your sabr. Ameen.

inshAllah one day things will be so much better..have faith in Him.


you have my sincerest duas. inshaAllah.

[Güven]

:sl:

I want To Cry Now Seriously :cry:, I find It sooooo Hard When A Brother Or A Sister Seeks Help and That You can Do NOthing to help Him... Realy It breaks My Heart.

All I and We Can Do Is To Pray For You and For Your Mother and For Your Sisters And All of Your Familly To be Guided, to be Helped , to be healed and Be Blessed by Allah
And Be Protected Against The Evil Shaitan , and finnaly May Allah Grant YOU the Succes The Feeling , The Happyness That You always Been Searching and hoping For Ameeeeeeeeeen ~~My Deeply Sincere Dua ~~

Trust Allah(SWT) , Allah Will Never Leave His Servants Alone and Hopeless........



:w:

[al Amaanah]

may Allah make everything easy for u and ur mother and give u both sabr, Allahomma ameen.

[liono79]

Brother and sisters. Please can you pray for me. Im feeling so down at the moment. Does anyone know if our prophet PBUH, was ever depressed and if so, what he did to combat this. Also there are certain foods mentioned in the Quran. Is there also any that might be able to help me. Im feeling so low. I just cant eat and am finding it hard to sleep. My energy levels have dropped to zero. Im soo tired. I just want to feel and be normal. Please reply. Any advice would be helpful, Wasalam.

[gladTidings]

Salaam brother,

The prophet saw went through the greatest trials ever, yet he is the most beloved to Allah swt. He was the best of creation, his reaction to every problem is the best example for us inshAllah. He was tested and tortured many times, he lost his parents, his wife and his son in his lifetime, yet his strength, patience and courage cannot be matched by anyone today.

When Aa'isha (Radhiallaahu Anha) asked the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) to describe his most terrible experience, an experience more difficult to bear than the battle of Uhud, he replied, 'Your people caused me many unbearable experiences.' But the worst experience was the day of Aqaba. He said, 'I presented Islaam to Ibn Abdu Yaalail Ibn Abdu Kalaal and he rejected my offer. I departed in a state of depression and recovered only when I arrived at Qarn Tha'aalib. As I raised my head, I saw a cloud over me providing me with shade. Then I saw angel Gabriel in the clouds. He called me and said, "Allaah knows that your people rejected you. And he knows about your proposal to them. I am sending to you the Angel of the mountains who will be at your command." The Angel appeared and greeted me. Then he advised me to instruct him to fold the mountains upon those rejecters of faith.' The Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) added to this tale by stating, 'I wish only that Allaah take from their children to worship Allaah alone, associating no partners with Him.’ (Bukhaari/Muslim)

Allah swt tests those he loves, so make yourself stronger and bear each trial with patience. Study the seerah and ask yourself what would the prophet swt do in this position. Seek comfort in prayer inshAllah. I pray that you are able to pass the tests of this life successfully... Ameen.

Have you lost your appetite as a result of depression?

Ws.

[Dua_e_Sehar]

Assalam Alaikum Brother..
Indeed it's very sad to hear what you are going through in life....I feel helpless, but I can pray for you Inshallah....Also please be patient and I know you have been...this is a test from Allah(swt)....everything comes from him, so Trust Allah(swt)...only Allah(swt) can help you and take you out of this situation...continue your prayers....as prayer(dua) is a believer's only weapon.....Also please try reading the below mentioned regularly.
May Allah(swt) help you, guide you and give you more patience to deal with this difficult time of your life and reward you for all the good work you have been doing...ameen

يا حي يا قيوم برحمتك أستغيث
" Yaa Hayyu yaa Qayyoom, bi Rahmatika astagheeth "
O Ever-Living One, O Everlasting One, by Your mercy I seek help.


In Sahih Bukhari it was reported from Ibn ‘Abbas what the Messenger of Allah(May peace be upon him) used to say, when he felt distressed:

"La ilaaha ill-Allah al-‘Azeem ul-Haleem, Laa ilaaha ill-Allah Rabb il-‘arsh il-‘azeem, Laa ilaaha ill-Allah Rabb is-samawaati wa Rabb il-ard wa Rabb il-‘arsh il-kareem "
"There is nothing worthy of worship except Allah, the All-Mighty, the Forbearing. There is nothing worthy of worship except Allah, the Lord of the Mighty Throne. There is nothing worthy of worship except Allah, Lord of the heavens, Lord of the earth and Lord of the noble Throne."


Indeed only Allah(swt) Will take Away one's Sorrow and Grief - Recite this

" Allahumma innee ‘abduka wa ibn ‘abdika wa ibn amatika, naasiyati bi yadika, maadin fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘andak an taj’ala al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi "
[O Allah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Quran the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety. ]


Also the Prophet (peace be upon him) instructed us to value the "divine medication" (supplication to Allah and dhikr). By the hadith in Al-Bukhari on the authority of `A'ishah: "Whenever the Messenger of Allah went to bed, he used to recite surahs Al-Ikhlas, Al–Falaq, and Al-Nas, holding his hands together before his mouth, spitting lightly on them, and then rubs his hands over his body." Also the hadith reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim "Whoever recites the last two verses of Surah Al-Baqarah at night, they would suffice for him (i.e. drive away evil and bad things) .


Thanks !!

[ayesha309]

Assalaam u alaikum
Honestly, i really really wish i could do something, but the only thing i could do is dua.
Bro, do you do qiyam al-lail? if you dont, try that. Allah listen to His slave, when he does dua, espeically in the last third of the night. so do dua at that time. and Allah also listens to the dua of a fasting person. So perhaps try fasting? and while fasting before maghrib do lots and lots of dua to Allah, ask to help you in your siutation, to ease out your problems, to guide your family, to grant you a religious, caring and understanding wife. Do dua to Allah, He is listening and Insha'Allah he will accept it. Remember, he put you in this situation only becuase He knows you have the strength to bear it. and also remember that if you pass this test (which Insha'Allah you are passing right now) Jannah will be given to you, and what could be more pleasurable then that?
Insha'Allah i will do dua for you.
Also perhaps look past your troubles and do dua for others. For example, rememebr the people of Gaza in your duas. (if you remember others in your dua Insha'Allah they will remember you)
and one more thing, despite all you are going through, always remember to thank Allah for all the blessings he has given you. Alhamdulillah you have Islam, you can read the Qur'an, you have a beaitufl mother, you have good health, etc etc. Allah writes in the Qur'an "And (remember) when your Lord proclaimed: "If you give thanks (by accepting Faith and worshipping none but Allah), I will give you more (of My Blessings), but if you are thankless (i.e. disbelievers), verily! My Punishment is indeed severe." " (7:7)
May Allah improve your situation, grant you ease, guide your family and give you happiness in this life as well as the next. Ameen

[syilla]

:salamext:

alot has given you the islamic advice...and it is good for us to practice.

All i can say is... akhee, before you can take care of others. You should take care of yourself first. You can't do/mend everything. Just do whatever you can and leave it the rest to Allah swt...tawakallaAllah.

Allah the Almighty says: "... Victory will be yours; and put your trust in Allah if you are believers indeed." (Qur'an 5:23)

And for those who fear Allah, He (ever) prepares a way out. And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And if any one puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is ((Allah)) for him. For Allah will surely accomplish his purpose: verily, for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion.Surah Ath -Thalaaq, 2-3

And put thy trust in Allah, and enough is Allah as a disposer of affairs. ( Q.S Al-Ahzab 33 )

Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere, .( Q.S Al-Baqarah 155 )

Take care of yourself akhee...take care of yourself first.

[Zamtsa]

Innallaha Laa Yakhfa

Abdul Musa'ir's Avatar

Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Bandung, INA
Posts: 832

Love Which Gonna Substitute Your Sadness
This is very easy, Rasulullah said " No person who is feeling the difficulty and sadness then he pray, "Allahumma I am your worshipper, child of your worshipper, the crown of my head is on Your grasp, which been destined long ago in Your law, justice in your Qadha, I ask Thee with all the names which you name yourself with those, or names which Thee told to your servants, or which Thee sent down in your books, or which Thee make it as a secret in your unseen 'ilm (knowledge). I ask Thee with all that, so you will make Al Qur'an as light of my heart, light to my shuduur, eraser of my sadness, and calmer of my worries." Then he (Allah) will SUBSTITUTE IT WITH PLEASURE. (HR.Ahmad I:131).


Jannah (Heaven) In Hadits
- Sources : Books of hadits by: syaikh ibn Qayyim Al Jauziyyah (Hadiil Arwah), 2 books by tsaniyatun mudarrisun: Husain bin Audah Al Awayisyah and Ali Hasan al Halabi al Atsari.

- The principle in reading this is ibn Abbas ra (shahaba) words "IN HEAVEN EVERYTHING IN IT IS SAME ONLY IN THE NAMES."

I. They eat, drink and Jima'

From Zaid bin Arqam Radhiyallaahu 'anhu who said an ahli kitab came to Rasulullah Shalallahu 'Alaihi wa Sallam while saying "Yaa Abul Qasim (Muhammad), do you say that the denizens of Jannah will eat and drink? He spoke "Yes, by Dzat who Muhammad soul in His hand. Verily that the denizens of Jannah are being given the power of 100 males in eating, drinking and jima' (sexual intercourse)."

That man said "Every people who eat and drink will excrete, isn't in Jannah (Heaven) there is nothing dirty?"

He spoke "Their excrement is their sweat which flow from the skin like drops of Misik, so their stomach become empty". (HR.Ahmad, Nasa'i, and Thabrani, with shahih sanad, Shahih Targhib wa Tarhib (3739).


The similar hadits in HR.Ibn Hibban and Hakim. Look Shahih Mawarid Azh-Zham'an (2230)

I look this hadits in Husain bin 'Audah Al 'Awayisyah's book about Qiyamat, Hellfire and Heaven.

And about "the sound from the mouth who has fullstomach" in the book by Ali bin Hasan Al Halabi Al Atsari, I've forget where the book is now.


II. They will have palaces from Ya'qut and pearls, it' s all types of emeralds and pearls and diamonds.

III. They will have palaces from gold and silver

IV. They will have many trees from saying "Laa haula wa laa quwwata illa billah", and "MasyaAllah,laa haula wa laa quwwata illa billaah," when they are fil ardhi.

V. The clothes will be make from the fruits of the trees.

VI. In there there will be horses from Yaqut that could fly.

VII. Mukminin and syahid will be in inside the stomach of birds which fly around Jannah. They dwell in there before doomsday

VIII. The first that will be eaten by them are a cow and the flesh that is in the heart of a whale.

IX. In the day of Resurrection, everyone who are ahli Qur'an, will be given eternity and glory and will be given to their parents :the crown.


In Hadits, there is a description about the palace from emeralds and diamonds, inside that palace there is 70 doors. In each doors there are another palaces made from red emeralds and diamonds.

For someone who like to fill Jum'at with 'ibadat, will be given to them a shade in the hereafter which is the day of Jum'at himself, which is white and there are two person watching them. Look at Silsilah Hadits Ash Shahihah no.3.

And offcourse, Muslmin will never forget the ZIYADAT meant by Qur'an verse, because watching Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala where He will ask us to talk to Him, said in a Hadits will be as the most undescribeable of all that are in Jannatul ma'wa.
See Mukhtashar 'Al 'Uluw of Adz Dzahabi by Abu Abdurrahman Muhammad Nashiruddin Al Albani bin Nuh Najati, where one of the hadits in there said that the denizens of Jannatu 'adn see a lot of KARAMAH, when seeing ALLAHU TABARAKA TA'ALA.

From Hadits in Ali bin Hasan Al Halabi Al Atsari's book there are hadits which tell us:

In 'Adn, the denizens will do DZIKIR like as they are breathing. It's done because it's in Heaven and because they love Allahu Ta'ala so much.

Actually there is no divorce there at all, and the men have many wives as minimum of two, hadits said.

I personally hold the opinion that why they have a lot of wives is because Allah wants them to have 2 in the earth but they couldn't do it on earth and because Allah's knowledge of what's best for Muslimin.

For your information, choose the best Muslim and marry him and never divorce with him and never marry again, unless thy found better husband. WHY??? Because HADITS said that the last husband (na'am: fid dunya) will be the HUSBAND in Jannatu 'Adn.

Actually to clear it all, in there we could change our looks. It was narrated in Hadiil Arwah, from Rasulullah Shalallahu 'AW, that there will be market in Jannatun na'im where the denizens could buy anything. The story goes where one of the denizen buy a painting and want himself to look alike as the guy in the painting, and suddenly he look as that guy.

And every men in there getting a wind from the NORTH and they become handsomer everytime they get it.
While the wifes become prettier also, but it is not known how.

Read HADIIL ARWAH by Syamsuddin ibn Qayyim Al Jauziyyah, Husain bin Audah Al Awayisyah's book and Ali bin Hasan Al Halabi's book about Barzakh, Qiyamah, Jannah wan Naar.


Assalamu'alaikum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh.

[Zamtsa]

Description of Paradise

In the Name of Allâh, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful


by Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim, Rahimahullaah
Ibn al-Qayyim said, in regards to the description of the Paradise and the delights that it contains:

"And if you ask about its ground and its soil, then it is of musk and saffron.

And if you ask about its roof, then it is the Throne of the Most Merciful.

And if you ask about its rocks, then they are pearls and jewels.

And if you ask about its buildings, then they are made of bricks of gold and silver.

And if you ask about its trees, then it does not contain a single tree except that its trunk is made of gold and silver.

And if you ask about its fruits, then they are softer than butter and sweeter than honey.

And if you ask about its leaves, then they are softer than the softest cloth.

And if you ask about its rivers, then there are rivers of milk who's taste does not change, and rivers of wine that is delicious to those who drink it, and rivers of honey that is pure, and rivers of water that is fresh.

And if you ask about their food, then it is fruits from whatever they will choose, and the meat of whatever birds they desire.

And if you ask about their drink, then it is Tasneem mix with ginger, and Kaafoor.

And if you ask about their drinking cups, then they are crystal-clear and made of gold and silver.

And if you ask about its shade, then a fast rider would ride in the shade of one of its trees for a hundred years and not escape it, where they could have Sex there.

And if you ask about its vastness, then the lowest of its people would have within his kingdom and walls and palaces and gardens the distance that would be travelled in a thousand years.

And if you ask about its tents and encampments, then one tent is like a concealed pearl that is sixty miles long.

And if you ask about its towers, then they are rooms above rooms in buildings that have rivers running underneath them.

And if you ask about how far it reaches into the sky, then look at the shining star that is visible, as well as those that are far in the heavens that the eyesight cannot possibly reach.

And if you ask about the clothing of its inhabitants, then they are of silk and gold.

And if you ask about its beds, then its blankets are of the finest silk laid out in the highest of its levels.

And if you ask about the faces of its inhabitants and their beauty, then they are like the image of the Moon.

And if you ask about their age, then they are young ones of 33 years in the image of Adam, the father of humanity.

And if you ask about what they will be hearing, then it is the singing of their wives from among the Hoor al-'Ayn, and better than that are the voices of the Angels and the Prophets, and better than that is the Speech of the Lord of the Worlds.

And if you ask about their servants, then they are young boys of everlasting youth who resemble scattered pearls.

And if you ask about their brides and wives, then they are young and full-breasted and have had the liquid of youth flow through their limbs; the Sun runs along the beauty of her face if she shows it, light shines from between her teeth if she smiles; if you meet her love, then say whatever you want regarding the joining of two lights; he sees his face in the roundness of her cheek as if he is looking into a polished mirror, and he sees the brightness from behind her muscles and bones; if she were to be unleashed upon the World, she would fill what is between the Heavens and the Earth with a beautiful wind, and the mouths of the creation would glorifiy, praise, and exclaim greatness, and everything between the East and the West would be adorned for her, and every eye would be shut from everthing but her, and the light of the Sun would be outshone just as the light of the Sun outshines the light of the stars, and everyone on the face of the Earth would believe in the Ever-Living, the One who Sustains and Protects all the exists.

And the covering on her head is better than the World and all that is in it, and she does not increase with age except in beauty; free from an umbilical cord, childbirth and menses, and pure of mucous, saliva, urine and other filthy things; her youth never fades, her clothing is never worn out, no garment can be created that matches her beauty, and no one who is with her can ever become bored; her attention is restricted to her husband, so she desires none but him, just as his attention is restricted to her so she is the sole object of his desire, and he is with her in utmost safety and security, as none has touched her before of either humans or Jinn.

And if you ask about the Day of Increase (in reward) and the visit of the all-Mighty, all-Wise, and the sight of His Face - free from any resemblance or likeness to anything - as you see the Sun in the middle of the day and the full Moon on a cloudless night, then listen on the day that the caller will call: 'O People of Paradise! Your Lord - Blessed and Exalted - requests you to visit Him, so come to visit Him!' So they will say: 'We hear and obey!'

Until, when they finally reach the wide valley where they will all meet - and none of them will turn down the request of the caller - the Lord - Blessed and Exalted - will order His Chair to be brought there. Then, pulpits of light will emerge, as well as pulpits of pearls, gemstone, gold, and silver. The lowest of them in rank will sit on sheets of musk, and will not see what those who are on the chairs above them are given. When they are comfortable where they are sitting and are secure in their places, and the caller calls: 'O People of Paradise! You have an appointment with Allaah in which He wishes to reward you!' So they will say: 'And what is that reward? Has He not already made our faces bright, made our scales heavy, entered us into Paradise, and pushed us away from the Fire?'

And when they are like that, all of a sudden a light shines that encompasses all of Paradise. So, they raise their heads, and, behold: the Compeller - Exalted is He, and Holy are His Names - has come to them from above them and majestified them and said: 'O People of Paradise! Peace be upon you!' So, this greeting will not be responded to with anything better than: 'O Allaah! You are Peace, and from You is Peace! Blessed are You, O possessor of Majesty and Honor!' So the Lord - Blessed and Exalted - will laugh to them and say: 'O People of Paradise! Where are those who used to obey Me without having ever seen Me? This is the Day of Increase!'

So, they will all give the same response: 'We are pleased, so be pleased with us!' So, He will say: 'O People of Paradise! If I were not pleased with you, I would not have made you inhabitants of My Paradise! So, ask of Me!' So, they will all give the same response: 'Show us your Face so that we may look at it!' So, the Lord - Mighty and Majestic - will remove his covering and will majestify them and will cover them with His Light, which, if Allaah - the Exalted - had not Willed not to burn them, would have burned them.

And there will not remain a single person in this gathering except that his Lord - the Exalted - will speak to him and say: 'Do you remember the day that you did this and that?' and He will remind him of some of his bad deeds in the Worldy life, so he will say: 'O Lord! Will you not forgive me?' So, He will say: 'Of course! You have not reached this position of yours (in Paradise) except by my forgiveness.'

So, how sweet is this speech to the ears, and how cooled are the righteous eyes by the glance at His Noble Face in the Afterlife...

{Some faces that Day will be shining and radiant, l ooking at their Lord...} (al-Qiyaamah:22-3)
[from the amazing and beautiful book Haadi al-Arwaah ilaa Bilaad il-Afraah by Ibn al-Qayyim, pg. 193

[noorseeker]

May Allah swt help you dear brother.

[MO783]

:sl:

Sorry to hear of all you problems. May Alla make it easy for you.

Are your family muslim ?

[liono79]

Assalaam u alaikum brother and sisters. Thanks for taking the time to reply. Im crying at the minute looking at the replies I have received. I guess there are people in this world that care about others. Im fighting my depression all the time. I hate it soo much. I dont want to be in this state as my mum and sisters are all poorly and they do rely on me to be strong but i find it so difficult. I guess I miss my past soo much. Ive had to look after my family for so long now ive forgotten about my life and what I wanted to achieve.
My friends are all long gone and I dont go out much. This has destroyed my confidence. I thanks Allah everyday for what he has given us, food on our plate, shelter and in some ways health as well as the best mum in the world.
I feel angry at my dad really angry. Up until a few months ago I was visiting him and bringing him food, money and whatever he needed. I was the only one in my family visiting him. Now I dont visit because everytime I see him I feel he let us down especially as my mum had to financially support seven of us from young ages. He's forgotten there's a few of his children left that want to marry but are unable to do so due to financial constraints. Maybe its just me being angry. Ive always been close to my mum ever since my dad left. I deal with most of the stress in the family like i am the 'father' in the house. I've taken aboard a few Dua's other brother and sisters have left me and hope and pray that we have health and happiness; Ameen.
Wasalam.

[Dawud_uk]

Assalam o Alaikum, brothers and sisters.
I know this is not a forum to discuss private lives but I have no one, or no where to vent my frustration at most of my family members. Sometimes I wish I was a bird and could fly away so far never to see my familly again. I am a very decent, honest, kind person. My familly has put me under so much strain and stress, yet im the youngest.
I should be learning of them, but all they seem to do is bad and more bad. I pray, give charity and do good whenever I can. The last several years especially have been the worst of my life.

My father comiitted a murder when I was a young boy. He went into jail for several years. He came out sold the house, and left us, got married and had kids. He leads a normal life with his new familly and doesnt care about any of his seven kids. I get angry when I see him sometimes. I take him food and money. He has never done anything for me or my brothers and sisters or my mum.

All my sisters ran away when I was a teenager. I didnt see some of them for more than 10 years. Two of them came back. One came back and has mental health problems. Me and my mum take care of her and have been doing since 2001, but mostly she refuses to take her medication. Its very difficult when she doesnt take it. I get really depressed seeing her in a bad state.

My other sister became depressed and tried to committ suicide on many occassions over 2 years. She was placed in hospital and sectioned. She later got divorced, her house taken off her aswell as her money. Again me and my mum visited her almost every day. Most of my other brothers and sisters didnt even bother as they were too busy in their own lives. Again this made me very angry and low as I was upset with them.

For several years my brother took advantage of my mums kindness. They would bring their girlfriends in their bedrooms anytime they wanted whether day or night. I thought this was wrong and immoral and showed a lack of respect. They continue to do so. As Iam writing this he is in his bedroom with his girlfriend (01:15am). My other brother who was married and has one boy has had an affair and is now expecting a baby with his lover. I am really angry and sad about this.

I dont know what to do. I pray regualarly for my brother and sisters for them to change for the better, for health, forgiveness etc. I mortgage my mums house as non of my siblings had the courage to do so. I dont drink or smoke or mess about.
I regularly think of running away, but always back down as I know my mum would be helpless without me. Im 28, from the UK.

Please any advice such as dua's etc would be much appreciated.

:sl:

first of Allah may Allah protect you and look over you and help you for your kindness to your family and especially your parents, being good to the parents and keeping the ties of kinship are some of the best deeds.

2ndly i am not sure if you aware of this, but mortgages are haram, they involve riba which is a forbidden form of transaction and Allah declares war on the one who deals in riba in the Quran so as you continue to practice and learn more about the deen, give up this mortgage and seek forgiveness from Allah.

my own thoughts are not that you should run away, but i would say your family is taking advantage of you, so why dont you take your mum and your mentally ill sister and find a rented place and give up your mortgage and put some space between you and those who are dragging you down?

this doenst mean you cut ties with them, still keep up ties and talk with them and try to get them to practice but anyone living in such a corrupted environment is bound to have their imaan knocked back several times a day.

may Allah swt help you in your times of difficulty, ameen and remember Allah remembers you more in times of need when you remember him in times of ease so keep making du'a and salaah and nufl fasts whenever times are easier or harder.

finally, regarding problems of not enough money to marry, that depends how you do the nikkah and walima, you can do this very cheap if you find the right partner who doesnt want to show off to the world. i know one brother who when he married, did so in a masjid, one brother bought pizza, another some breads, another some sweets, i bought a big 6x2litre pack of fizzy drink and that was the walima! remember Rasoolullah (saws) said the most blessings are in the simple marriage.

:sl:

[liono79]

Brother & sisters im in a difficult situation. Ive been asked through my parents that some girls wants to marry me. I knew this girl in college where we studied together. I like her alot, and she likes me alot. She prays, reads Quran. Its like a dream come true for me. The problem is several things. Im depressed at the moment and am finding it hard day to day. I suppose im improving day by day. Im not working and this depresses me alot being a man, not able to provide (am living off savings). My confidence is low as well as my self esteem. I just want to be normal and work and be happy and get married. She told me her parents did an Istikhara and it went extremely well with regards to us getting married. I dont know what to do. I dont want to loose her as I would be devastated. I care for her alot and want to marry her and look after her but the above is preventing me from doing this. I am praying as is she. Please brother and sisters could you give me advice and pray for me. I want to be happy and she makes me happy. We have very similar personalities, same foods and same hobbies. She is three years older than me but I wouldnt care if she was ten years older. Her and my parents give us permission to speak to each other when they are present etc and over the phone.Please please any advice and or prayer would be so much appreciated. Allahafiz.

[~Taalibah~]

Assalam o Alaikum, brothers and sisters.
I know this is not a forum to discuss private lives but I have no one, or no where to vent my frustration at most of my family members. Sometimes I wish I was a bird and could fly away so far never to see my familly again. I am a very decent, honest, kind person. My familly has put me under so much strain and stress, yet im the youngest.
I should be learning of them, but all they seem to do is bad and more bad. I pray, give charity and do good whenever I can. The last several years especially have been the worst of my life.

My father comiitted a murder when I was a young boy. He went into jail for several years. He came out sold the house, and left us, got married and had kids. He leads a normal life with his new familly and doesnt care about any of his seven kids. I get angry when I see him sometimes. I take him food and money. He has never done anything for me or my brothers and sisters or my mum.

All my sisters ran away when I was a teenager. I didnt see some of them for more than 10 years. Two of them came back. One came back and has mental health problems. Me and my mum take care of her and have been doing since 2001, but mostly she refuses to take her medication. Its very difficult when she doesnt take it. I get really depressed seeing her in a bad state.

My other sister became depressed and tried to committ suicide on many occassions over 2 years. She was placed in hospital and sectioned. She later got divorced, her house taken off her aswell as her money. Again me and my mum visited her almost every day. Most of my other brothers and sisters didnt even bother as they were too busy in their own lives. Again this made me very angry and low as I was upset with them.

For several years my brother took advantage of my mums kindness. They would bring their girlfriends in their bedrooms anytime they wanted whether day or night. I thought this was wrong and immoral and showed a lack of respect. They continue to do so. As Iam writing this he is in his bedroom with his girlfriend (01:15am). My other brother who was married and has one boy has had an affair and is now expecting a baby with his lover. I am really angry and sad about this.

I dont know what to do. I pray regualarly for my brother and sisters for them to change for the better, for health, forgiveness etc. I mortgage my mums house as non of my siblings had the courage to do so. I dont drink or smoke or mess about.
I regularly think of running away, but always back down as I know my mum would be helpless without me. Im 28, from the UK.

Please any advice such as dua's etc would be much appreciated.

Brother in Islam, i can but make Dua for u and i will.
You are brave and Allah Ta'aala is watching you, your efforts will not be in vain.

For the marriage, i'm not knowledgeable enough to give advice but as a personal opinion i would think that you could get married.
I remember vaguely some saying/hadith concerning marriage and income etc, but cant remember.... InshaAllah someone will give you better advice.

Wassalam

[liono79]

Assalam o Alaikum, brothers and sisters.
Ive had to turn down marriage to someone I so dearly wanted to marry. I thought long and hard about it and eventually came to that decision. My reasons being again family. I have too much responsibility at home with looking after mum and two ill sisters and dealing with my brothers problems. If I married that girl I think I would get divorced. I want her to see her happy, but my familys problamatic and always has been and it doesnt seem to change ever. Im soo sad, soo sad. Life just gets harder and harder. I dont see a future for me and am so desperate to have one. I feel like running away every day but cant do that. My familys made me weak and sad and lonely. I hate living this way. I keep thinking I must sabr. But its been the same for years. Im the second youngest out of seven and non have them have matured except one of my bros who i look up to who mashallah is happy in his marriage and working and praying along with his wife. I really dont no what to do. It affects me so badly Wassalam.

[cali dude]

Assalam o Alaikum, brothers and sisters.
Ive had to turn down marriage to someone I so dearly wanted to marry. I thought long and hard about it and eventually came to that decision. My reasons being again family. I have too much responsibility at home with looking after mum and two ill sisters and dealing with my brothers problems. If I married that girl I think I would get divorced. I want her to see her happy, but my familys problamatic and always has been and it doesnt seem to change ever. Im soo sad, soo sad. Life just gets harder and harder. I dont see a future for me and am so desperate to have one. I feel like running away every day but cant do that. My familys made me weak and sad and lonely. I hate living this way. I keep thinking I must sabr. But its been the same for years. Im the second youngest out of seven and non have them have matured except one of my bros who i look up to who mashallah is happy in his marriage and working and praying along with his wife. I really dont no what to do. It affects me so badly Wassalam.

Hey brother, first of all, congratulations, it's really great that you have been taking care of all this so far.

Someone said, "Khudi ko kar buland itna, ke har takqeer sei pehlay khuda banday sei poochhay teri raza kya hai" meaning be so determined that even God asks you for your wish before writing your destiny.

I know it's tough and you have to sacrifice a lot and if you leave all this behind, you will feel guilty. But I think you set your priorities right. You really have to see what's the most important responsibility for you? Is it your mom, sisters or brothers? Then you go from there. If brothers' problems are not that important, then leave it. Let them take care of their own problems. You have to take care of yourself as well and you should for your family what you can do while also taking care of yourself.

Of course, this is only my opinion. You know yourself better than me...

Have a good day :)

[AnonymousPoster]

assalam alaikum brother, :cry: i totally feel for you and can i say what a strong person you are.dont give up, do whatver you can for your mother, your sis and brothers tell them straight what you think they are doing wrong. live your life and be happy. Dont stress yourself tooooooo much over your sis and bros why should you? just carry on being strong and enjoy your life :smile:

[muslimah 4 life]

:sl:

Brother I make dua Allah gives you sabr and rewards you for everything you do.

You mention you have a brother who is married and happy with his wife. could you not do the same? Your mum and sister could live with you and your wife.

As for your brothers do dua for them Allah guides them on Siratul mustaqeem.
I think you need to make positive changes in your life don't sit there waiting for everything to change.

You deserve to be happy and Inshallah maybe getting away from the enviroment you are in will help.
:w:

[The Ruler]

It's been quite a while since I've been touched by a post.

Assalam o Alaikum, brothers and sisters.
Ive had to turn down marriage to someone I so dearly wanted to marry.

Was that what your conscience told you to do?

I have too much responsibility at home with looking after mum and two ill sisters and dealing with my brothers problems. If I married that girl I think I would get divorced.

I always thought that when one married, they married into the family of the husband. And not just the life of the husband, bu the lives of those intertwined with the husband's. If you think she couldn't handle your family and it's affairs, you made the right decision.

I dont see a future for me

Oh, but you do have a future. Everyone does.

I keep thinking I must sabr.

:)

except one of my bros who i look up to who mashallah is happy in his marriage and working and praying along with his wife. I really dont no what to do. It affects me so badly Wassalam.

Can you not talk to that brother of yours? Tell him what you told us here... Maybe he'd understand?

Since you're living in the UK and jobless, why don't you contact the Citizens Advice Bureau or the jobcentre plus? I think they might be able to help.

[alcurad]

can't you get engaged and then marry when matters are better God willing?