Marriage

[asad1]

One day I would like to get married to a Muslim girl of my choice. However, my parents completely disagree with this, and think they should choose my wife. Whilst I understand forced marriages aren't allowed in Islam, I find it really annoying that my parents won't just let me marry a Muslim girl, not just a Muslim girl from Pakistan, but a specific Muslim girl from our 'caste'. I really don't know what to do....

[chacha_jalebi]

tell them, you want to marry a girl of your choice, or you dont marry @ all :p

i thought quite a lot of people "modernised" away from this concept of only marry in caste lol, but subhanAllah!

seriously bro, if you wana marry someone of your choice, you gotta stick up for yourself, or be prepared for someone from back home, who is most likely gettin married to you, so she can have contacts in the UK, and in the nex 5 years all her bros will be over here, drivin taxis,:D lol

:muddlehea i hope this dont turn into a marriage discussion pssssh

[asad1]

tell them, you want to marry a girl of your choice, or you dont marry @ all :p

i thought quite a lot of people "modernised" away from this concept of only marry in caste lol, but subhanAllah!

seriously bro, if you wana marry someone of your choice, you gotta stick up for yourself, or be prepared for someone from back home, who is most likely gettin married to you, so she can have contacts in the UK, and in the nex 5 years all her bros will be over here, drivin taxis,:D lol

:muddlehea i hope this dont turn into a marriage discussion pssssh

haha lol yes your right and I've tried that, they still don't agree, its just the stupid culture they have and completely disagree with the concept. Also, most of our cousins and family are such that if I married from an 'outside' caste they would start talking and think bad....

[S_87]

:sl:

the first thing you should do is tell your parents what your feelings are. They may not realise or agree with you at first, but drive home the fact that this caste system and marrying just for race has no place in islam. Show them examples from Muhammed :arabic5: and the sahabahs who married out of their tribes and races.
If you are really set against people they choose thendo not back down from your stance. Yes they are your parents but its your life and theres no point marrying someone you dont want to and then ruining both yours and her life.
and Allah knows best

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[asad1]

:sl:

the first thing you should do is tell your parents what your feelings are. They may not realise or agree with you at first, but drive home the fact that this caste system and marrying just for race has no place in islam. Show them examples from Muhammed :arabic5: and the sahabahs who married out of their tribes and races.
If you are really set against people they choose thendo not back down from your stance. Yes they are your parents but its your life and theres no point marrying someone you dont want to and then ruining both yours and her life.
and Allah knows best

Thank you for that, I will try to speak with them. It just does annoy me how it's not just them though, its like the whole of our family and cousins who think like this.....

[Tania]

I don't know why are you 100% against to marry with someone chose by your parents :? They raised you, they know your chracter very well, they sent you to have an education, they didn't ruined your life until now.

[Lonely Gal]

could you try gettin to know the girl ur parents want u to marry and see how it goes, and compromise saying if you don't connect then you can marry your choice..
I know parents want best for their children but you have to get on with the person.. 2 peoples personalities may be fine but together they can have problems..
Think about it properly before you go ahead with it..

[Tilmeez]

I don't know why are you 100% against to marry with someone chose by your parents :? They raised you, they know your chracter very well, they sent you to have an education, they didn't ruined your life until now.

Agree!
Good thing about your family is that they have not totally cut off from their base - Pakistan. They can go well with a girl of their choice. you will have to trust them.

Another thing grils from above origion are better wives, they are more sensitive about their husbands, homes and families than their ownselves. You will feel more blessed when you have such life partner.

wish you are happy at the either end!

[IbnAbdulHakim]

reason
reason
reason
reason and reason some more

and if all reasoning fails, then be patient and seek reward from Allaah.


Assalamu Alaikum

[asad1]

:salamext:

^ Not really, I've seen some Pakistani girls from back home that are total b****es...

If the brother wants to marry someone that is a Muslim but not Pakistani, and is religious, I really don't see a problem with that. Even if your parents have raised you, that doesn't give them a right to force you into marriage.

ok, yes I agree with you, I'm not very very religious but I still am a Muslim. Yes, my parents are quite traditional but I don't see why it has to be a girl from our 'caste' who's origins are from Pakistan. I don't know how i can change their mind

[IbnAbdulHakim]

what do people mean when they say "not very religious"?

[------]

what do people mean when they say "not very religious"?

:salamext:

Maybe that they don't pray 5 times a day? Wallaahu Aalim.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

:salamext:

Maybe that they don't pray 5 times a day? Wallaahu Aalim.

inna lillaahi wa inna ilaihi raajiun


they might aswell call themselves borderline hypocrites or disbelievers if thats the case.

i know i would... i have :(




may Allaah keep us steadfast!


QUL amantubillaah! sum mustaqim....
say i believe in Allaah and stay steadfast...

[------]

:salamext:

^ That's the case of some youngsters nowadays...but khayr inshaaAllaah, I didn't say it was asad1's case...

[Malaikah]

I don't know why are you 100% against to marry with someone chose by your parents :? They raised you, they know your chracter very well, they sent you to have an education, they didn't ruined your life until now.

:sl:

I disagree... while it is safe to assume parents want what is best for their children, their criteria for good isn't always the same as their children's.

[Nerd]

Firstly, do Men require the consent of the parents when getting married in Islam? if not I don't see why you cannot legally marry a woman of your choice

[Lonely Gal]

tru its not easy to jus get up and make the decision that your going to do what u want and not listen to parents because that don't lead to happinesss either. My brother did this and now altho he comes down often, the parent and son relationship is somewhat shattered..
its really hard, there's no win situation when parents are like that.
very difficult and u can understand both sides..

[Nerd]

I find it really annoying that my parents won't just let me marry a Muslim girl, not just a Muslim girl from Pakistan, but a specific Muslim girl from our 'caste'. I really don't know what to do....

It's clear asad1 wants to get married to a specific Muslim girl, from Pakistan who is also a member of his 'caste. If he can get his parent's to agree on this specific girl he can prevent straining their son-parent relationship.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

the parent and son relationship is somewhat shattered..
its really hard, there's no win situation when parents are like that.
very difficult and u can understand both sides..

in this case it definitly would have been better to marry who the parents chosen as long as they keep looking for someone your pleased with...

end of the day its them looking

why shatter parents hearts over a girl? seriously...



people need to fix up priorities..

[Lonely Gal]

but what happens if they don't get on,,, that too will break the parents hearts..

[IbnAbdulHakim]

but what happens if they don't get on,,, that too will break the parents hearts..

both are a different kind of "heart breaks"

one is where the parent is disobeyed and that makes the parents UPSET wiv the child and possibly a curse may afflict the child from the hearts of the parents even if the parents dont want it. If my mum was unhappy wiv me, and i walked out of my door.. i would fear the worst... seriously! theres a hadith stating that if your parents are happy then the doors of jannah are open, if they are unhappy then the doors of jahannam are open... subhanAllaah!


the second type of "heart break" is that the parents feel sad for the child, they make dua that he gets better, and from this dua due to the childs patience and obedience... Allah might givve him the BEST wife in dunya after... and the better one in the hereafter

parents should be reasoned with and reasoned with but ultimately obeyed. they shouldnt be outright rejected... thats disgusting...

subhanAllaah seriously, if only we realised that all good comes from obedience to Allaah and staying steadfast.


i know its hard to stay steadfast but the reward is soooo great!

i mean you cant get a degree wivout grilling your head... so u gotta suffer thru dunya for reward too...

[Tania]

You know your parents, you should know how you could talk with them to convince them about your position. I always got from my parents what i wanted. :-[ But conversation is everything.

[Umar001]

Stop complaining and moaning that you have Muslim parents! There's greater things in life than marriage! Marriage is something you work at, it does not always matter whether the girl is pakistani, afghanistani or bradistani.

Just give it a try, speak to them, sit down, tell them how much you care for them, soften their hearts, tell them about the difficulty you face, why you worry, then tell them that insha'Allah, since Allah has made them very important to you, you will try and make them happy and try marry someone they choose. But at the same time that you have to find the girl attractive, otherwise shaytan will get to you.

Have meetings, see how it goes, I know alot of brothers who would be amazingly happy with a Pakistani or any other sister! Just make sure she is practicing and not cultural.

As sad as it may be, it seems that alot of the elders have ideas which are alien to Islam, what is more sad is that it seems we cannot change those ideas in many of them, no matter how much we reason. So, let's focus on the major issues, make sure they don't commit shirk, buy omens/talesmens, as some brothers from Asian tell me happens out there, and insha'Allah we'll all be in Jannah, well at least you and your family, some brother's families are fully Kuffar, and you're here worried about marriage.

Work on changing the big things, forget and not whether you'll get a 'sexy' model type wife, instead of a villager wife who only knows how to plough.