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isbrother123
06-04-2008, 10:27 AM
Salaam,

Please advise ASAP with proof of hadith.

My parents are pushing me that I do not have first responsibility towards my wife. Whatever decision has to be taken for my wife, they do not allow me and they take them selves and say that we(parents) are first to take any decision about her and not you(husband).

Please help me with the truth.
Muslim brother.
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Snowflake
06-05-2008, 01:56 PM
asalam alaikum wr wb,

Unfortunately, I'm just leaving, but inshaAllah will get back with the proof you asked for.


wa alaikum asalam wr wb.
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Malaikah
06-05-2008, 02:05 PM
:sl:

Do you mean with respect to choosing your wife?
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Snowflake
06-05-2008, 11:39 PM
asalam alaikum wr wb,

Bro I found the first article on another forum, but sorry no source was listed for this article.


Serving the In-laws is not obligatory

There is another fact worthy of notice about which much negligence is observed among the people. When a wife is not responsible to cook food for her husband and his children, then she is more appropriately not responsible to cook food for the parents of the husband and his brothers and sisters. A custom has gained currency in our society that the parents of the son think that their right over the daughter-in-law has a priority over the right of the son. Therefore she is bound to serve them, no matter if she serves her husband or not. Such a misleading conception gives rise to quarrels and disputes among the daughter-in-law and other members of the family. The negative results of this conception are obvious to require any comments.


To serve In-Laws is a virtue for a woman

Bear in mind well that it is the responsibility of the son to serve his parents. It is, however, a matter of blessing and virtue for the daughter-in-law if she serves the parents of her husband willingly, as a righteous deed and source of reward for her in the Hereafter. The son does not have any right to force his wife to serve his parents in case she does not feel inclined to serve them of her own sweet will. It is also not lawful for the parents to force their daughter-in-law to serve them. As already mentioned, if the daughter-in-law voluntarily decides to serve her in-laws for the sake of recompense in the Hereafter she is welcome to do so. This will create happy and pleasant atmosphere in the household.


Appreciate the services of a daughter-in-law

If a daughter-in-law is serving his father and mother-in-law, she is doing favour out of her moral character because she is giving this service to them only of her free will and she is not in any way liable for such services. Her in-laws should, therefore, appreciate this voluntary service from her. They should try to requite her for this and encourage her. Ignorance of these rights and liabilities create various problems in social life which play havoc to the solidarity and welfare of families through quarrels and disputes. All these troubles are taking place simply because the people have banished from their minds the limits of these mutual rights and liabilities which the Holy Prophet [sallallaahu alyhi wasallam] has fixed in his Traditions.

The Husband should serve his parents himself

A question arises as to who should serve the parents when they are old, weak or otherwise helpless on account of sickness when there is none in the house except their son and his wife? Even in such a situation, the daughter-in-law is not bound, according to the Shari'ah to serve her in-laws. It is, however, a matter of blessings and virtue for her if she serves them of her own free will with the belief to please Allah and to receive reward in the Hereafter. The son should, however, realise that it is his responsibility to help and serve his parents personally or by employing a servant for this purpose. If the wife is looking after his old parents, the husband must appreciate this service and be thankful to her.
2nd.......

In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

The wife’s responsibility is to obey her husband in everything permissible related to their marriage. The husband’s responsibility is to take care of her needs, support her and look after her in a proper manner.

Besides this, there are no obligatory religious duties on either of the spouses with regards to their parents in-laws. Both sets of parents should be respected and loved as elder family members, but one does not owe them any obligatory rights. At the same time, there are immense rewards for both husband and wife to take care of their respective in-laws and to assist them whenever possible, within reasonable bounds.

Visiting Parents

If the wife wishes to visit her parents or spend some time with them, she can do so with the permission of her husband. They are not obliged to seek permission from the husband’s parents. However, if they were informed in a polite and gentle manner, it may be better in some situations.

Also, the husband cannot prevent his wife from visiting her parents once a week. This is her legal right that she may see her parents once a week. (Haskafi, Durr al-Mukhtar, and confirmed by Ibn Abidin in Radd al-Muhtar, 2/1028).

No need to forgo one’s own parents

Finally, the wife does not, by any means, need to forego her own parents. However, her main priority is her husband. She can take care of her parents, help them, assist them and at the same time serve her own children and husband.

Marriage is based on love and mercy

Note, however, that the way to deal with marital issues is not law but love and mercy: When it comes down to law, with each sticking to millimetre measurements of their rights, marriages fail, because rarely does any love and affection remain with such legalism.

Allah Most High summed up the spirit of Islamic marriage for us:

“And of His signs is this: He created for you spouses from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He placed between you love and mercy. Lo! Herein indeed are portents for those who reflect.” [Qur’an, 30.21]

With love, even major differences become minor.

And Allah Knows Best



Muhammad ibn Adam
Darul Iftaa
Leicester , UK

Also inshaAllah.. The wife has rights to a separate accocmodation, that further shows that in-laws cannot make decisions concerning her. Your wife is solely your responsibility - not your parents.


"The wife has the right to live in separate accommodation with her husband and children, and not to share it with anyone, whether it is a father, a mother or a relative.

This is the view of most of the Hanafi, Shaafa’i and Hanbali fuqaha’. She also has the right to refuse to live with his father, mother and siblings.

Al-Kaasaani said in Badaa’i al-Sanaa’i (4/24): If the husband wants to make her live with her co-wife or in-laws, such as the husband’s mother or sister or daughter from another wife or his relatives, and she refuses to do so, then he has to accommodate her in a separate house, because they may annoy her or harm her if they live together, and her refusal is an indication that she is being bothered or harmed. And because he needs to be able to have intercourse with her or be intimate with her at any time, and that cannot be done if there is a third person living with them. End quote.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah favoured the view that if the husband is poor or unable to provide separate accommodation for his wife, she does not have the right to ask for something he is unable to give. This was narrated from him in Mataalib Ooli al-Nuha (5/122). Rather she should bear it with patience until Allaah gives him the means.

To sum up, separate accommodation is the wife’s right, even if she did not stipulate it in the marriage contract, and she has the right to ask for it now, and she is not regarded as being wilfully defiant because of that."

http://www.islamqa.com/index.php?ref=94965&ln=eng

wa alaikum asalam wr wb.
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isbrother123
06-06-2008, 04:06 PM
Jazaak Allahu-khair sister.
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Snowflake
06-06-2008, 07:15 PM
asalam alaikum wr wb,

wa iyyakum.. may Allah make your affairs easy for you. Ameen.

wa alaikum asalam wr wb
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