Selam aleykum we rahmetallahu!
format_quote Originally Posted by
sevgi
my problem is that i am having issues letting go of somethings. i know all the theory behind it..but putting things into practice is hard.
Don't we all. *sigh*
while keeping everything halal is of key notice for me, i have a controling issue. i feel as though i need to contact him etc in order to be certain that things are progressing in a healthy manner. i do not see him often, so contacting him through other means is always a possibility for me.
i was brought up in a very bad way...for reasons i can now see through, i fear letting go of situations. i feel that i need constantly be doing something in order to keep track of a situation.does that make sense?
Yes it does.
What I first would say it seems as lack of really relying on Qadr. You may say and yes, believe it, but there is still some.. Not
doubt, but you could
almost call it that.. Maybe you should read more about Qadr and such, increase your knowledge in those matters? Also, if what I say is near the truth, then it all begins from small things.
Rome wasn't built in a day, neither is fake-tan built in day, you gotta give it time and begin from smallest first. :D
Astagfirullah, I don't wanna put words in your mouth, I just say how it seems
to me! InshaAllah I have not offended you. :-[
and things just dont flow the way they should...
I smiled at this point. What I've learned from life in this short time I've lived in it, is that I never know the "shoulds" and "should nots". Things may not flow how I would want them to, but they definitely always flow the way they should because Allah does it all, and what God says, that's the should. Get me?
the greatest issue is that he is not turkish. see that is an issue with the parentals...well, my dad anyway. i am thus very very scared to actually progress with this person. what if i do love him and i have to go through all that trouble etc with my family?
Exactly, there you go. You got the answer, I guess you've just not accepted it yet (or even realized it).
Ask your parents what they think of marrying someone who is not Turkish. That's step one, and you must take it because if they are absolutely against it, imagine now what happens if you get more attached to that dude?! I know you know yourself that it would be a very very hard posoition to be in. So do that first.
Explain that you would like to get married, and you know this brother whom you're currently friends with but you could imagine yourself being with him and ask for their advice. In this point, don't make yourself think or make them think that you're taking their advice
only, just that you've got suggestions but want theirs too. What I mean is don't bring yourself in the position of being a "slave", they are not your masters, but close-to-the-hearts advisors and friends. :D In short, don't let yourself get pushed and said what you think is not right, etc.
When you show great concern about your parents' thoughts and suggestions it usually "melts the ice", they get more "accepting of new ideas".
InshaAllah I could help somehow and if I got it all wrong I'm really sorry! Wallahi I know how hard it can be to explain complicated feelings and situations to be people, so please don't get frustrated with me if I don't get it so fast. :-[