New Convert with potential problem.

[Ya'qub_Ibn_Davi]

First my story.

-----------------------------------------------------------
Salaam,

First and foremost this question and plight of mine prevails over all others.

I will explain my whole situation regarding it first, and how it led up to it. This might be a long email. Might as well start from the beginning.

Years ago, during my own personal and religious strifes, problems and quests, I came to a pivotal point in my revelation.

Now, until this point I had been "praying," (like Christians) meditating, and all sorts of things as different cultures do in the effort to get God to speak to me. Asking him to help me figure out what I wanted, what God wanted, where I was to go in life, ect. They were very selfish prayers as well, always done when there was nothing else to do (or grab my attention).

One night at a party at a friends house (video-game party, sigh), I felt a strong inclination to go outside on the hill under the moon (a crescent moon ironically), and pray. Now I had never taken the time during things I enjoyed to stop what I was doing to pray. Before, God came second to such things. For once, I felt that I had to give prayer presedence.

So I went up on a hill and sat down on the grass and stared at the moon. There I remembered my brief foreays into what Islam was and recalled how they pray. So, I for the first time, prayed like a Muslim; in total submission to God. Now, I was really good and going off in long diatrades using colorful language, sounding like some Old-English Saint when I prayed. But this time, I merely said three words. "God, guide me."

It was there on that hill that a breeze wafted over me in a (forecasted by the weather channel) still night. I had a feeling in my heart to join the Military. Not to join because of "love for my country," because I did not love my country. I loved my race, and I know more than anyone that America is NOT innocent in the degredation and destruction of human life. Not to join for school, because my parents had for 18 years payed into a college fund for Texas; and my schooling was set.

I felt in my heart that I had to join because of one of the chief Islamic principles. Save a life, and you save humanity.

Long story short, I joined the NG and went to basic, then AIT.

While at AIT I met a female, who I am now with.

Now, I had not converted to Islam yet. I did not yet know what my experience on the hill meant yet. It was in the back of my mind but several things were keeping me from going through with it.

Now I began a relationship with this girl, Amber (ironically her name derived from an Arabic word), I began to fall in love with her. She was perfect for me in every way.

Suddenly, the dream grinded to a halt when I found out that she was married.

Married to an Atheist, a God-less man, who abused her and cursed her, and despite her demands for divorce he found ways to manipulate her.

Now at that point, if I was Muslim I should have cut of ties with her.

Looking back on it I sincerely believe that God put a cover over my heart for a time that kept me from embrasing Islam officially yet.

So I left AIT and she left her husband and stayed with me. Finnally, now the divorce is going through; and I unceremonially (I plan to do it the right way soon), asked her to marry me.

A little brief description of her life. Her mother did drugs. Her and her twin were born with complications. She's had cancer several times, including endometriosis. She married her ex-husband and became a slave. She found me and I set her free.

Subconsciouslly following the Islamic law of trying to reconcile a marriage three times, at my bidding she returned to her husband twice more. She returned after the third time with his agreement for a divorce.

At that point in time she told me something, that she was pregnant.

This was a complete suprise. Yes I did have sexual relations with her, not of my own accord; but of hers as I could not bear to see her upset.

Now previously she had been told by many doctors that she could not have children. Her endometriosis and cancer had ruined those chances. But by a miracle, despite both of our attempts at protection, she got pregnant.

As I said, I sincerely believe that a cover was put over my heart for a time which kept me in doing as I had always done. If that was not so, then she would still be married to a violent unbeliever, and my prayer would not have been answered.

In light of that, I saved a believing (albiet Christian) woman from an unbeliever when the laws of this country were on his side, (If only we followed the Islamic laws of divorce :P) allowed the miracle of life to come when it seemed impossible, and I intend to be the best husband I can to her. We are not yet married, but I intend to do anything to make sure this child isn't born out of wedlock, and is born into Islam.

Now although our chance meeting and our relationship was un-Islamic; because of her pregnancy and her dependence on me I cannot leave her. God works in mysterious ways, and I think God leading us to each other was intended to create good out of a bad situation. It made me realize that I saved her by applying the things I believed and led me to realize God was calling me to Islam, and maybe by my example to lead her to it as well.

Although she is a Christian, she is very un-Christian in her beliefs. The only reason I think she's Christian, is that it's the only thing she's ever known. She doesn't believe Jesus was divine, or the Son of God; anymore than I am also his "son," and her his "daughter," metaphorically of course. Whether she likes to think so or not, her own beliefs mirror Islam in many aspects.

She at first had a genuine interest in Islam with my own interest.

Unfortunately she hit a road bump.

The Mosque in Leavenworth which I went to take the Shahhadah at was frequented by Middle Easterners. They seemed to her and me very unhappy/solemn, VERY unlike your Mosque where I think you all exhibited the true aspects of those who love God. Because of their cultural differences, whether truely Islamic or not, they were very cold to her. They ignored her, and looked down their noses at her, the Imam especially. It made her feel very unwanted and bad about herself, because she was a woman.

Whether or not that was their intention is irrelevant now. Unfortunately, she, like most Americans has associated some Middle Eastern cultural aspects as Islamic and now cannot distinguish between the two. They looked down upon our predicament, and now she has become inimical toward Islam.

Just recently she got very upset when I went to last weeks Jum'ah prayer. She gave me an ultimatum that I choose either my religion or her.

I am at a loss and am lost, because she has no family, no where to go. She relies completely on my good-will (which is willingly given). After her experiences she says she hates Islam and will never want anything to do with it.

I hope that her irrationality is brought on by her pregnancy, but I fear what if it is not.

[UmmSqueakster]

wa alaikum assalam,

:cry: I wonder how many people are driven away from Islam by the behavior of muslims. I've had quite a few poor experiences at masjids, but since I already had a firm belief in Islam, they haven't driven me away.

Would your wife/girlfriend (?) be interested in talking with american muslim women, who perhaps have had a good experience with Islam? If there aren't any decent people in the community, there are plenty online. I'd be more than happy to exchange emails with her if it would help.

Do you have any male friends in the community? Perhaps some that are married? Maybe if you asked them, they would explain the situation to their wives and make her feel welcomed, invite her to hang out, etc.

I also have some articles that you might want to read and then pass on to her if you think they'd help. They're mainly writings on disapointments converts have had, and may show her she's not alone in her experiences:

Islam is perfect...Muslims aren't
Islam is wonderful, but I can't stand muslims
The Mosque, a welcoming place for would be converts?
My First Year as a Muslim


And in the end, turn to Allah (swt). In every dua, after every prayer, ask Allah (swt) to open her heart to Islam and lead her on the straight path.

[mahdisoldier19]

wa alaikum assalam,

:cry: I wonder how many people are driven away from Islam by the behavior of muslims. I've had quite a few poor experiences at masjids, but since I already had a firm belief in Islam, they haven't driven me away.

Would your wife/girlfriend (?) be interested in talking with american muslim women, who perhaps have had a good experience with Islam? If there aren't any decent people in the community, there are plenty online. I'd be more than happy to exchange emails with her if it would help.

Do you have any male friends in the community? Perhaps some that are married? Maybe if you asked them, they would explain the situation to their wives and make her feel welcomed, invite her to hang out, etc.

I also have some articles that you might want to read and then pass on to her if you think they'd help. They're mainly writings on disapointments converts have had, and may show her she's not alone in her experiences:

Islam is perfect...Muslims aren't
Islam is wonderful, but I can't stand muslims
The Mosque, a welcoming place for would be converts?
My First Year as a Muslim


And in the end, turn to Allah (swt). In every dua, after every prayer, ask Allah (swt) to open her heart to Islam and lead her on the straight path.

Assalam Alaikam Rahmatullah Wabaraktu,

I would not go quick to blame behavior of muslim people, i know recent Reverts who became muslims while doing drugs with other muslims. So i do not think its the behavior of Muslims, undoubtedly the behavior of Muslims is an important factor, but to be quick and say its the behavior i think thats wrong. If Allah swt decides to give Hidah then it is, it is by the Will of Allah swt, no matter what the circumstances are, but offcourse we work to improve the circumstances...

For instance, i know revert muslims who did not become muslim no matter how many zakir naik videos they saw or how many peace tv or ICNA conventions they went to(BTW if you are into the ICNA and ISNA conventions and think its the best form of Islam, clearly, you got to work on Aqeedah), but they saw one vid of iraqi insurgents on Youtube, and saw that these people are willing to give their lives for what they believe, and they got moved by that.

But its all on Allah SWT whether or not to give Hidah..

[Muhammad]

:sl:

Firstly, congratulations on making it to Islam. Truly, all praises are due to Allaah, exalted be He, for having guided you :).

I am sorry to hear about the difficult situation that you are in.

Are there any other Mosques in your area - ones where the people may be more welcoming, or where they have facilities for women to attend? If so, it might be good to visit them.

I am sure you will have done this, but perhaps you can continue to explain gently how religion can become polluted by culture. Let her not judge a car by a bad driver, but look to the source itself.

Explain that women have a great status in Islam - for example, a huge emphasis is placed on taking care of and respecting our parents, especially our mothers who suffered much hardship because of us. And this hardship is even mentioned in the Qur'an, to remind us of the obligation we have towards them. And this is just one example. Islam changed the status of women and gave them full access to their rights. Also remember that there are many famous women role models from the past - Mary, the mother of Jesus, being a prime example.

There is much literature and information on this topic, and you can see the following articles:

Muslim Women: Mothers

Great Women of Islam

Islaam - Elevation of Women's Status

Women's Rights: Now and Then

Women in the Qur'an and the Sunnah

Muslim Women: In the Qur'an and Sunnah

Muslim Women: Concept of Equality

Muslim Women in History



As mentioned above, keep praying for her and ask Allaah (swt) to guide her to Islam. Remain patient and steadfast, and Insha'Allaah Allaah (swt) will help you and make a way out from your difficulty. Have trust in Allaah (swt) that whatever happens is for the best and remember that often something happens which we dislike, but it is because Allaah (swt) knows it is better for us.

:w:

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[Javba]

Salaams to previous people who replied & to original poster.
1- If your niat (intention ) is pure Allah SWT will make the ways easier. Amen.
2- Remember that our wives (to be in this case) & children are not only blessings, but also tests of Iman and faith to Allah SWT.

Go with God in his guidance in this time of difficulty.

Thanks

[YusufNoor]

AsSalaamu Alaykum Ya'qub_Ibn_Davi,

such a big problem such little time...

step 1) AGREE with your [wife?] that what happened, was WRONG [at the Masjid] and that you DEFINITELY see her point of view.

step 2) ask your [wife?] to compromise. find ANOTHER Masjid for Jummu'ah prayers.

step 3) keep your wife away from any Assibiyyan, Jahillyan Masjids! MANY, MANY people confuse Muslims with Islam! they are SUPPOSE tobe the same, but they aren't!

step 4) follow some of the links that your fellow Muslims provide to show your [wife?] the difference! use this one as well:

http://www.muftimenk.co.za/Downloads.html

the Mufti's Tafseer, especially Tafseer - Ramadaan 1426 (2005) Klerksdorp (Reasons of Revelation of verses of the noble Qur'an) is AWESOME! hes lectures are excellent as well!

May Allah, Subhannahu Wa Ta' Aala make it easy on you and may He guide your [wife?] as well!

:w:

[Ya'qub_Ibn_Davi]

Thanks for all your support, replies and words.

In response to the questions asked and suggestions given; she refuses to have anything to do with the religion anymore.

She now at every opportunity finds ways to insult it (much like her ex-husband insulted Christianity), and spends time going to Christian apologetic websites to get biased information on Islam and try then to speak with authority.

Just the thought of me trying to pray "pisses" her off, as well as the sight of my prayer rug and a copy of the Qu'ran. It's almost unbearable to be near her, considering the fact I never acted that way or spoke ill of her religion; despite the way I've been treated myself by Christians in the past.

She refuses to believe that there are any kind happy Muslims out there, she has convinced herself that all Muslim women are brainwashed. She refuses to speak with anyone at all about the subject unless its in a negative manner.

I stopped by a Mosque in Kansas City when I was driving back home, and it was fantastic. The attendents were all happy, they were friendly, kind, joking, and were the polar opposite of the ones in Leavenworth.

I've told her about it, but she calls me a liar and refuses the notion of even going near it.

I don't know what to do anymore.

Causing a child to grow up in a broken home upsets my very sensibilities.

But I live in constant persecution, and I've been practically forced to either tolerate her and support my child or risk loosing them; and if I choose that option I basically have to sacrifice my dreams and aspirations in life (as I wanted to be a Muslim Chaplain in the National Guard.)

I'm getting back to the state of depression I was in when I lost my faith in Christianity and had all my personal problems.

:cry:

[mahdisoldier19]

Assalam Alaikam Rahmatullah Wabaraktu,

Brother,
Call to Tawheed, there is strife and struggles in the Din of Al-Islam, this is how the Way of Life was established. The Sahaba RadiAllahanHum were being tortured by their own family members because of their acceptance to Islam. Be Happy my dear brother, because never will the Din of Islam please the Non-believers, If any Muslim thinks that Islam will be loved and accepted within the Non-Muslim Culture, then they are not on what the Prophet SWS has taught us...

Know that rejection from amongst the non-believers means your on the Straight Path..

[Hawa]

:sl:

The amount of dislike she seemingly has for Islam doesn't sound to me like feelings one would develop over a bad trip to a mosque... perhaps there's another issue at hand that she just isn't willing to discuss with you?
The best advice I can give you is this, be patient. Being the only muslim around her you should set an example, ask her to respect your beliefs as much as you respect hers and find a way of communicating the true deen to her through a different channel...try leaving some pamplets lying around. Just do not confront her, make lots of dua and leave the rest to Allah.
You should make it clear that as a muslim, Islam is your life and she cannot ask you to forsake that any more than she can forsake her own.

I have a friend who was quite interested in Islam, he would read the Quran and "feel at peace", he wanted to become a muslim. I'm not sure what happened between then and a day later when he decided Islam was a man made religion. He starts debates at every opportunity and it is quite disheartening to see one you care about go down such a road. Still, no matter how farfetched the thought may be now, I pray that one day he turns to Allah. I still have hope, and I pray that your wife [?] (sorry but it seems like the question of the century :) ) too may be guided and that you realize your dreams in this dunya and in the hereafter.

[YusufNoor]

AsSalamu Alykum Akhi,


May Allah, Subhannahu Wa Ta' Aala make it easy on you.

I stopped by a Mosque in Kansas City when I was driving back home, and it was fantastic. The attendents were all happy, they were friendly, kind, joking, and were the polar opposite of the ones in Leavenworth.

I've told her about it, but she calls me a liar and refuses the notion of even going near it.

I don't know what to do anymore.

may i repeat a point a made before:

STOP trying to get your wife to go to a Masjid! this isn't Christianity! she DOESN'T have to go! YOU have to go, SHE doesn't! in fact most lecturers will tell that it's better for women if they don't go!

this video MAY help, In Sha'a Allah [Allah knows best!]:

Misconceptions of Islam 1 by Dr. Zakir Naik


http://www.imeem.com/groups/eyxXqpXl...am_1_tv_video/


i listen to alot Mufti Ismail Menk [the link i posted before], here's some of the type of things that he says:

1) Allah, Subhannahu Wa Ta' Allah, chose you BY NAME to be a Muslim!

2) Allah, Subhanahu Wa Ta' Allah, also CHOSE the situation that you are in!

3) Allah, Subhanahu Wa Ta' Allah, DOESN'T test us more than we can handle, do try to put everything in a new perspective.

I don't know what to do anymore.

Causing a child to grow up in a broken home upsets my very sensibilities.

I'm getting back to the state of depression I was in when I lost my faith in Christianity and had all my personal problems.

depression isn't allowed in Islam! relax abit, move your prayer rug and Qur'an from where your wife can see them. AT THE MOMENT, don't TRY to convert your wife! we are looking for is for her to "tolerate" your Islam, AT THE MOMENT!

But I live in constant persecution, and I've been practically forced to either tolerate her and support my child or risk loosing them; and if I choose that option I basically have to sacrifice my dreams and aspirations in life (as I wanted to be a Muslim Chaplain in the National Guard.)

MAYBE, Allah, Subhanahu Wa Ta' Allah, doesn't want to you to be in the Guard! [Allah knows best!] but AT THE MOMENT, we ARE looking for toleration! you NEED this time to learn about Islam! life changing and rather large decisions require that you pray "Istikharah" [you can do a search here].

get a "truce", if possible! during that time learn as much as you can about Islam, a good series is Bilal Philips Foundation of Islamic Studies:

http://www.bilalphilips.com/bilal_pa...sk=view&id=288

there are lots of good videos there and another good website is:

http://www.islamtomorrow.com/

time is short, try to refocus and have patience! Sabr [patience] is actually an act of worship! so as you gain insight and attempt to learn how to steer around your current situation, Allah, Subhanahu Wa Ta' Allah, is rewarding you!

i must be off...

:w:

Yusuf

[glo]

Greetings, Ya'qub_Ibn_Davi

I hope the mods will approve this post from a non-Muslim in the 'New Muslims' section.

When you read conversion stories you will notice that when people convert to a new religion, they first go through a period of joy and peace.

But that period does not last forever. Sooner or later this 'honeymoon period' comes to an end, and the new convert is faced with the trials of real life. Negative reactions from friends and loved ones. Having to change their way of life. Facing adversity ...

I believe that is the stage you are at right now.
See it as a first testing of your faith. Is it going to be strong enough? How will you deal with your fiancee? Are you prepared to leave her for the sake of your faith?
Those are important questions who have to ask yourself.

When you became a Muslim you did so because you wanted to obey and submit to God.

I am afraid following God is not about 'being happy'. Hopefully you find joy and inner peace in your desire to obey God - but it is not God's job to make you 'happy'. Indeed, the opposite is the case: it is your job to please God!

When you first said Shahada, you did so out of a desire to become a Muslim. Now is the time to show that you really meant it. Are you up to it??

I wish you well in your faith journey.

Salaam :)