what to do

[noorseeker]

Salams brothers and sisters,


Just got a question, suppose you want to get married , but the only way to get married is to take out an interest bearing loan, then what do u do.

I mean i want to do it the halal way, but what if you see no other way to get the funds, and time isnt exactly on your side.

I know`allah swt will enrich people of his bounty if they remain chaste and that, but the money isnt gona fall into my lap, and i dont see where the ,money will come from.

My mum is stressing because my cousin brother of mine has found someone for me , and he is waiting for an answer, but i think my mum will be ashamed to tell him that i havent got that kind of money, im 26., and been working since`19 , so people will asume i have money.

i thank you for your help. wasalam

[noorseeker]

bump

[gladTidings]

Salaam brother,

Are you intending to spend alot or are you expected to spend alot on your wedding?

[Lonely Gal]

could't u borrow money from freinds?

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[------]

:salamext:

There are lots of places where u can take out loans without interest. If you're in the UK, you can take it out from Islamic Bank of Britian.

[S_87]

:sl:

no dont take out a loan. A marriage is as expensive as you want it. You dont need the extras to make a wedding a wedding. You can easily do the wedding day itself in less than £1000.
Do you mean u need to take out a loan for living after or the wedding day itself?

[------]

:salamext:

I think he means for the wedding itself...

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullaah


im guessing your mums ashamed to say that you dont have the funds for a lavish wedding.

inshaAllaah if the brides side is pious and willing to accept you for what you are capable of then all you have to do is re-assure your mother that this is not a shameful things, people marry in this way and if everyone required a huge amount of money to marry then tons of people would be left single and miserable and poor!

Just the otherday a cousin of mine married for less then a £1000 ! Alhamdulillaah


i hope things work out for you inshAllaah

[Tania]

I think you should evaluate carefully the impression what you want to leave in your future wife head. If she will reach at conclusion you are rich, than she will have bigger expectation related your house, car and so on. If she will know the reality- you wanted only to show your apreciation toward her-and that6s why the wedding its rich-then take the loan :)

[noorseeker]

Thanks everyone for your nice replies. The thing is im in probally £15000 in debt aready, yes if were to get another say 7-8 grand i would able to manage, but how will i supportmy family in future,, i am selling my house very soon, but i will not make any profit on it.

Ibnabdulhakim , brother i take it you are bengali, well you knw u can have a wedding for £1000, but before you even start , you have to give gold/jewellery , which is 3-4 grand minimum, then the wedding saree which is £500 minimum,


Looking at it realistically, i can never get thet kind of money , or it will take me years to save that

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ you dont have to give that much jewellery and lol we dont do saree's anymore.


Assalamu Alaikum

[Afraa]

manshallah thats you want to get married. I also advise you that Allah (swt) wouldn't put you in a situation which you couldn't handle. If you are unable to marry because of financial situations then be patient and marry when you can. Allah gives and takes, and you might get another oppurtunity to marry without all this worrying.

I do not mean this in a wrong way, may allah lead you to the right decision.
salama.

[Tania]

you have to give gold/jewellery , which is 3-4 grand minimum, then the wedding saree which is £500 minimum,
Looking at it realistically, i can never get thet kind of money , or it will take me years to save that

Why you don't look from where can you buy the jewellery with less money:? Look in other countries and may be you will save your money without to cut your bride wish :-[

[Lonely Gal]

artificial jewlery is the trend, if she dnt mind get her that and buy lil bits of gold.. this will save u thousands

[Umar001]

That's disgusting, putting people in debt or even wasting so much money on something which is not even obligatory, I mean, it will probably fall into excessive stuff and be disliked. But I guess we have to follow cultures, unless people like you, dear brother, break such things it will just carry on.

I mean I have heard ridiculous things from people about weddings! If I was asian I'd start a campaign or something get all those asian imams to start speaking up. Because its damaging.

[Lonely Gal]

am sure if they knew they wudn't wana put him in debt.. if its a major issue u need to say it cannot be done

[piXie]

Salams brothers and sisters,


Just got a question, suppose you want to get married , but the only way to get married is to take out an interest bearing loan, then what do u do.

:wasalamex

Reply from Islam Q & A:

Praise be to Allaah.

We ask Allaah to make it easy for you to get married and to help you to do that. As for taking a loan with interest, it is haraam and is a grave major sin which it is not permissible to do in such cases. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty)”

[al-Talaaq 65:2]

We advise you to seek the help of Allaah and turn to Him and ask Him to make things easy for you, and to plan well, budget and be patient until Allaah decrees a way out for you.

Also, here are two du'aas for you to read continuously:

Settling Debts

and:

Hasbi yallaahu laa illaaha il-la huwa 'alayhi tawakal tu, wa huwa rab-bul 'arshil 'aDHeem

"Allaah is Enough for me, there is no God but He, I place my trust in Him, and He is the Lord of the mighty Throne"

Remember that when we put our fears and worries to one side and obey Allaah, He the Most Merciful and Most Grateful will never let us down.

Remember that Allaah is the One who provides and enriches, and our first priority is to please Him.

Remember that when we put our desires to one side, seeking Allaah's pleasure, He makes our wishes come true.

Therefore place your trust in Him, and do not allow the Shaytaan to worry you or your mother. This is Allaah testing you, and you have to pass it insha'Allaah.

And money does fall in your lap. When my mother was having financial problems, Allaah sent the exact amount she needed right through our front door. Therefore, I wouldn't ever underestimate the power n help of Allaah. This is Him testing you, don't fail it.

Like the brothers and sisters have mentioned, there are many places around the U.K which offer loans without interest. If you need, I would advise you to take one from there as you do not want a marriage based on haram and the displeasure of Allaah. or maybe family and friends could lend you.

I pray Allaah :arabic2: guides u to what is best, and removes all your difficulties and helps you to have a marriage filled with His blessings. Aameen.

[Souljette]

:sl:

I hateee the fact that people spend more then they can because of formalities or whatever in their culture...as I've learnt in Bangladesh everything is of excess ..my cuzins are in their 30s and their getting married because of the amount of gold, house, furniture , clothes and all that they have to give..It is ridiculous..all this because society will not accept anything else..my mother has the same mentality that you should do this and that..i have arguments saying that it's not Should, no one made this compulsory..you guys are just making it hard on yourselves.. Allah (S.W.T) said to give how much you can afford not go so far and spend way out of the amount you can..the wedding itself makes a brother broke ..what's gonna happen after the wedding? :S...I think i gotta go find sisters from another country because I can't stand thinking about the amount of hard work my brothers do and then all the money goes in gold and all that for what?? even the pious ones in Bangladesh do the same ..ughh..

My advice to you brother is that you make it clear to them that Islamically your doing your part but you don't have so much to spend on everything..you want a simple wedding ...someone needs to stand up because honestly it's ridiculous

[Snowflake]

asalam alaikum wr wb,

I find it disgusting that a wedding should be the reason for huge money worries. In my opinion if the family you're marrying from want an extravagant wedding, then the future will be full of their expectations from you. You should look into marrying a woman from a family whose priority is to follow and fulfil the sunnah, instead of following the sheep.

It takes courage to break away from traditions and follow the true Islam. But if you do, you'll save yourself a lot of trouble in the future. It you take out a loan, most of your income is going to be spent paying that and your existing debts back. Your wife may not be quiet so understanding or supportive. Then on top of your money worries, you'll have a nagging wife to contend with.


Islam is there to make life easy. The sunnah way brings ease. All you need is to get the nikah done in a masjid (even the prophet (PBUH) did not attend all his companions nikahs). You need to give a wedding gift to the wife and then follow the nikah with walimah, to which you don't need to invite hundreds of people.

Like mentioned before, all this can easily be done for under £1000.

It really is a matter of putting traditions aside and making life easier for yourself, or doing the opposite creating more money worries for yourself in the future. I've seen marriages that had costs thousands breakdown after a few months. Please, don't get carried away with wanting to be married, only to struggle afterwards. Choose a girl/family who know their priorities as muslims and inshaAllah, you'll have less worries in your coming life.



wa alaikum asalam wr wb.

[Musaafirah]

:sl:
Just to say bro, wouldn't it be best first to get yourself out of debt and then Insha'allah think about marriage, to make it as simple as possible. But at least you'll have one less worry to think about.
I hope Allah makes likfe easy for you.

[noorseeker]

Breaking away from asian tradition will be very hard, as i told a family member that i want a sunnah wedding ,but there like no you have to have all these things done, but its like they want all the family round to have a celebration, im like its my day not yours.


Brother musaffir , i can wait to get of debt, but it willl take years for that ,and years to save up, so im actually psyching my self to be alone forever, and i dont want that,

I wish the human desire for getting married and having kids would just leave my body , life was so much simpler back then, its on my mind alot, its affecting my deen as well,



The funny thing is all of us that live in the wealthy west, find it difficult to get married,
but even poor people get married and have kids,

[Musaafirah]

sorry, I sounded kinda harsh...if that's the case though, try gettin married but to someone who isn't so demanding and understands and accepts your situation.
I get you about it being hard to break away from asian tradition. My cousin's father spent £35,000 on her wedding and mehndi arrangements last year, I can't imagine what her husband spent for the weddin.
The problem is also 'trying to keep face' I guess.
But once we take steps to break away from extravagent spending it should insha'allah help our future generation innit?
See how it goes though..

[crayon]

Watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rH2nNt1s5pk
It won't really help with your situation, but it will make you laugh inshAllah, heh.

I'm not really sure what to do in your situation, brother, but taking out an interest based loan is not the answer. I mean, you want to start your marriage with haram? Where will all the barakah go?

Explain to your family that you want to get married, but can't afford a lavish wedding at the moment. If they don't understand, simply elope. :D

[Umar001]

Just fast and tell your family that you will not get married if you are going to end up in debt. And be steadfast, sometimes we assume it is just reverts who have these problems with their families, but subhanAllah people born into muslim families go through it too.

May Allah make your affair easy.

[Snowflake]

asalam alaikum wr wb

nightstar;963756]Breaking away from asian tradition will be very hard, as i told a family member that i want a sunnah wedding ,but there like no you have to have all these things done, but its like they want all the family round to have a celebration, im like its my day not yours.

Well bro, if you want a debt free marriage then breaking traditions is the only way to do it. What are you afraid of? I guarantee you that if you take loans, even interest-free ones, when it comes to paying them back, everyone else will have forgotten what a good time they had celebrating your marriage. And yourself.. you won't forget it that easily, since you'll be paying for it for years down the line.

Put your foot down and tell your family, that you don't want to start married life already in debt. Show them relevant hadith about wasting money etc. And stand up for your rights. I'm a woman and I'd go against the world for mine. So, I'm sure being a man, you have the courage to do what is right according to Islam and hence for you. There is nothing wrong with celebrating a wedding. But getting in debt for it is wrong. If I was you I'd tell anyone who wants you to have a big wedding to pay for it! It's because of traditions that muslims have so many problems.

I wish the human desire for getting married and having kids would just leave my body , life was so much simpler back then, its on my mind alot, its affecting my deen as well,

You sound like Mother Teresa! Be grateful Allah blessed you with natural desires. And use your energy convincing your family to do the right thing instead of wasting it on killing your feelings.

The funny thing is all of us that live in the wealthy west, find it difficult to get married,
but even poor people get married and have kids

You can too inshaAllah! If you have the courage to go against tradition that is. You're a muslim. You can do it inshaAllah! Fight!


wa alaikum asalam wr wb.

[Eeman]

Oh gosh thats terrible, look i really do not understand what is it with lavish weddings and people having to spend so much just to show to other people that yeh this is how its done.
its silly and leaves no one damaged but the groom and the bride too cos in the end your wedding isthe 1st day of your renunion together and after that you and i become "we" so it wont be that you'll be £15'000 in debt it will be you two £15'000 in debt.

when i got married my husband was not in a position to be able to afford a dinner for our wedding let alone a function so we had our nikah done in the mosque, my parent's were upset at the fact that me being their only child not having that special day that every bride dreams of and threw me and my husband a lavish party, i didnt want to offend or make my husband feel bad about his situation by getting my parents to fund our wedding so instead was happy with my nikah done in the mosque.

now if this sister that you want to marry is a decent muslim ( not that im saying she is not) then things like that would never be an issue.

Man i had to pay for my own ring and wedding band and his too!!!
but thats cos i had the means and he didnt!
thats how marriage should be if the other partner is not understanding then would you really want to spend the rest of your life with them?