marrige frm differnt culture and background?

[AnonymousPoster]

aslam malikum hope u r all fine inshallah,I am having this problem I am a divorced 22 year old I have meet some 1 for the intesion of marrige inshallah but we r having a really hard time off his family cause i am not from the same country as them which is indeed very hurtfull for me!!!is it a sin if a son marrys a women his mum doesnt like just because of race

[Snowflake]

asalam alaikum wr wb,

If his parents' objection is only due to racial differences, but there is no doubt that the girl is of good character and strong faith, then a man is not incuring any sin by marrying that woman against the parents wishes. There is no room for racism in Islam. The Quran speaks only of human equality and how all peoples are equal in the sight of Allah.

"O mankind! We created you from a single soul, male and female, and made you into nations and tribes, so that you may come to know one another. Truly, the most honored of you in God's sight is the greatest of you in piety. God is All-Knowing, All- Aware." (Qur'an 49:13)

Parents need to realise that their children do not have to obey them in matters where Islam has given them the right to make choices (marriage & divorce).


wa alaikum asalam wr wb.

['Abd-al Latif]

:salamext:

Everyone has a right over another in this world. Parents have many major rights over their children but the children also have some rights over their parents. These below are some of the rights the son over his mother:

3 - Permissible things that it is permissible for you to do without your mother interfering in your affairs

She does not have the right to make decisions about what you should like with regard to permissible things over which she has no authority, such as food, drink, clothing, means of transportation, etc.

Neither does she have the right to interfere in your choice of a wife – if she is righteous – so long as you are not disobeying Allaah with regard to that. At the same time it is prescribed (by Islam) that you should try to please her even in your choice of a wife, if she advises you in a way that will not harm you.

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/5053

[Tania]

If he can't succeed to protect you in front of his parents i doubt he will can fulfill the duty of a husband. Try to move on. I would never accept such a man in my life.

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[Mikayeel]

:sl:

Since you are divorced, you can marry without a wali. You can go to the local imaam and get it done

['Abd-al Latif]

If he can't succeed to protect you in front of his parents i doubt he will can fulfill the duty of a husband. Try to move on. I would never accept such a man in my life.

Sometimes the issue is a lot more sensative then that. Protecting ones spouse is one thing and upholding family ties is another. Some parents may even refuse to speak to their children as long as they are married to someone outside their culture.

['Abd-al Latif]

:sl:

Since you are divorced, you can marry without a wali. You can go to the local imaam and get it done

No she can't. She still must have a wali but her wali is not allowed to say no to who she wants to marry (since she is now a divorcee) (Yasir Qadhi's Fiqh of Marriage)

Sheikh Salih al Munajjid says:

It is not permissible for a man to marry a woman without the permission of her guardian, whether she is a virgin or previously-married. This is the view of the majority of scholars, including al-Shaafa’i, Maalik and Ahmad.

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/7989

[Mikayeel]

No she can't. She still must have a wali but her wali is not allowed to say no to who she wants to marry (since she is now a divorcee) (Yasir Qadhi's Fiqh of Marriage)

Sheikh Salih al Munajjid says:



http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/7989

:sl:

thats what i ment sorry if i wrote it differently.

:w:

[Tania]

Sometimes the issue is a lot more sensative then that. Protecting ones spouse is one thing and upholding family ties is another. Some parents may even refuse to speak to their children as long as they are married to someone outside their culture.

May be i didn't find the perfect words but i think this family issue its HIS issue to solve it. I don't see why he expect everything to be solved by the woman. In our days the wife began to look like "Tarzan"- the issue solver-everything its on her head to be done. He just wait to be served.

[TrueStranger]

One more reason why I should run away from marriage.


I wish you the best of luck sis, but I am big time anti-Marriage.

['Abd-al Latif]

May be i didn't find the perfect words but i think this family issue its HIS issue to solve it. I don't see why he expect everything to be solved by the woman. In our days the wife began to look like "Tarzan"- the issue solver-everything its on her head to be done. He just wait to be served.

That's not what I meant, infact that's far from it. I meant as much as one wants to make their wife happy theres is always a limit to what one can do. In Islam the mother has the highest right over her children to be treated with kindness. However the husband is also the protector of his wife so when things turn bad between the mother and wife the man has to bear the brunt of it.

The wife isn't expected to solve the problem. Rather it would be better for her to be patient and give it some time. Same goes for the mother.

Usually these problems arise due to cultural differences, thus the wife, husband and mother all expect the problem to be solved through culture and not Islam. The Islamic perspective offers the best solution for everyone but people become impatient and become hasty in their actions which leads to more undesired results.

[AnonymousPoster]

salam all thanks for taking time 2 reply may allah bless u all

[Tania]

In Islam the mother has the highest right over her children to be treated with kindness.

I can't understand one thing: if the mom its so after same country and culture , why the man didn't listen her :? He should have look after a wife from the culture perspective, no :? What did he expect in this point :? Obviously its a long battle to make mom to accept a wife from different country and the most important thing, he involved in this "case" a woman feelings too which could be very hurt in the end.

['Abd-al Latif]

I can't understand one thing: if the mom its so after same country and culture , why the man didn't listen her :? He should have look after a wife from the culture perspective, no :? What did he expect in this point :? Obviously its a long battle to make mom to accept a wife from different country and the most important thing, he involved in this "case" a woman feelings too which could be very hurt in the end.

Just as the mother has many rights over her son, the son also has some rights over the mother. One of the rights the son has over his mother is that she doesn't interfer with his choice of a wife, as long as she is righteous and he isn't disobeying Allah with this regard.

In Islam there is no nationalism or anything of the sort. If a man decides to marry a woman outside his culture then all of her faults should be overlooked and only her righteousness should be taken into account. The problem as I said lies in culture, generally ones cultural identity causes people to feel a sense pride. This is a disease of the heart and it's what causes people to feel superiour to others and it has nothing to do with Islam.

This is generally where the problem lies because you will not see a muslim whose righteousness is sound make a fuss over such an issues.

[Eeman]

aslam malikum hope u r all fine inshallah,I am having this problem I am a divorced 22 year old I have meet some 1 for the intesion of marrige inshallah but we r having a really hard time off his family cause i am not from the same country as them which is indeed very hurtfull for me!!!is it a sin if a son marrys a women his mum doesnt like just because of race

Dear sister or brother,

i am not going to sit here and give you islamic advice on the basis of interracial marraige where both the male and female are muslim but yet from different backgrounds, in islam there is no sin in that, but speaking from experience before i got married i went through the same dilema since my husband is from a different background, intially both the families were not happy with it, his family being more religious and according to them (halal) and mine being more liberal and according to them (haram) but their issue was not my family merely my race, so my family ended up accepting it but his family were still standing their ground.
as a muslim wife i have gone to the extreme and have done everything and anything to try and make them happy along with my husband and keep my duties to him and his family, but this is the sad thing about the male species they are confused lost little souls that just cannot have a balance in anything. You can sit down and talk him regards this issue and he will (mark my words) promise you the moon and the stars (all talk) but once it comes into action you wont see none of it.

my advice to would be to not even bother, it is nothing but mere headache and will result to a rocky unsteady marriage full of heart break a lot of let downs and pain. My mother always used to say to me to get married to an orphan who had no family cos her ideology was that your in laws in your marriage can either make your marriage or break it, which i used to think was quite silly. But after getting married and experiencing it myself i now have realised that she was right.

if i knew that i would be getting myself into where i am not believe u me, i would have run away from this rishta,

but none the less it was Allah swt will and He always does things for the best,
when i was facing this dilema i decided to still go ahead with it based on my islamic believes that as long as he was a muslim nothing else mattered but the sad part is that nowadays everyone that calls themselves muslim really and truly dont even follow the message of islam and as you say his family is not happy and yet they are muslims they will never be happy with you even as practising muslims knowing that there is no sin on both you parts getting married cos islam is against racism but you cannot and will not be able to change the fct that they do not accept that and have racism in them.

the best thing i suggest you do is firstly do your istikhara prayers and ask Allah swt for guidance cos only He can guide you to what is best for you.

And whatever guidance He gives you I pray that He bestows many joys and happiness upon you in this life and the hereafter Insha'Allah.

Ma salama.

[Eeman]

That's not what I meant, infact that's far from it. I meant as much as one wants to make their wife happy theres is always a limit to what one can do. In Islam the mother has the highest right over her children to be treated with kindness. However the husband is also the protector of his wife so when things turn bad between the mother and wife the man has to bear the brunt of it.

The wife isn't expected to solve the problem. Rather it would be better for her to be patient and give it some time. Same goes for the mother.

Usually these problems arise due to cultural differences, thus the wife, husband and mother all expect the problem to be solved through culture and not Islam. The Islamic perspective offers the best solution for everyone but people become impatient and become hasty in their actions which leads to more undesired results.

Dear Brother

I totally agree with you and your words but unfortunately putting that into action somehow seems so much difficult in reality for some muslims that is quite sad and unbelievable,
Plus i find that the more the wife tries with some old women there is just no winning, old age seems to get the best of them and they become nothing but crooky old nagging evil hags with too many screws loose in the head.

culture comes more of a bigger part in reality sadly than religion does,
let me give you an example, in pakistani households ( majority of them) the mother is the queen of the house, the father usually is the chilled out laid back practising muslim whilst the mother is the dominant one in control of everything.
Now i guess pakistanis are just brought up and conditioned that way cos when the son gets married then it carries on, if he gets married to a fellow pakistani sister who has been broght up in that environment and conditioned in that manner through her upbringing and takes on that role. Now if the guy goes ahead and gets married to a woman from a different ethnic background and culture, and has been brought up differently then that cycle is broken and and there is major problems with the mother in law who always tries to interfere and dominate the son and make the wife's life a living hell!

shouldnt be happening according to islam, but this is REAL life and your believes may be as a good muslim to follow the islamic way and the right way, but your not the problem how you going to get the mother in law to stop, you cannot force it down her throat!!!

[Tania]

I agree with you sis. Where is no harmony from beggining, are little chances to be later. The couple can succeed if they change the country or town and are living far far away from the parents. But in this case appear the next question: did i respected my mom :?

[north_malaysian]

it's a very difficult choice...

In Malaysia, many parents wont let their daughters marrying Indonesian men because of different citizenships...even if both of them from the same ethnic group ie. Javanese...:exhausted

[AnonymousPoster]

salam brosand sisters after much thought I feel I can not marry in 2 a family that have culture b4 islam where it seems 2 b in his family culture b4 islam and he told me his parents wud never accept me so why my botherd 4 i think i should just leave it !!!!

[------]

Have u prayed Istikharah?

[AnonymousPoster]

Not Yet But I Am Planning To Do Soo Inshallah.i Am Just Sooo Annoyed How Ppl But There Culture B4 Islam Really !!!!!

[------]

Pray Istikharah and all will become clear inshaAllaah. Ask help of Allaah before asking the help of people. People are not reliable and there is no guarantee they'll help you, but Allaah will deffo help you if you ask him.

Check this thread out on how to pray Istikharah;

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...-guidance.html