Husband&wife: how much affection is it appropriate to show in front of the family?

[whitemuslimah]

My question is how much affection is it appropriate to show for husband and wife in fron of other family members? What does islam allow or encourage? Is it ok to hold hands... for a husband to put his arm around his wife ... for a wife to sit on her husbands lap ... a kiss on a cheek ... say i love you on the phone when there's other family member present?

Could anyone give some examples from Quran or hadith, what did Prophet used to do?

Jazakallah to anybody trying to enlighten me.

[AvarAllahNoor]

I'm sure it's common knowledge to remain respectful in the company of other people, Nothing worse than a couple all over each other in public! It's also culturally wrong. Sitting next to your partner without groping him/her shows maturity and self-control.

[whitemuslimah]

I believe none of the things i have mentioned mean a couple being all over each other. What the above poster said is just common knowledge and obvious indeed

I'm sure it's common knowledge to remain respectful in the company of other people, Nothing worse than a couple all over each other in public! It's also culturally wrong. Sitting next to your partner without groping him/her shows maturity and self-control.

my question was showing affection to what degree does still remain respectful, preferably with some sourses as to where the info was taken from. Sorry, if i did not make it clear.

[Layla454]

You have to be aware of cultural sensitivities and so I think it would be best if you do these things in private insha Allah

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[glo]

As I understand it, whitemuslimah is asking about Islamic rulings, rather than cultural views ...

Could anyone give some examples from Quran or hadith, what did Prophet used to do?

I remember once asking about whether it was allowed for Muslim couples to hold hands in public (because I have never seen Muslim couples in my community doing so). The opinion then seemed to be that there was no Islamic reason not do hold hands, and that depending on cultural background some muslims did hold hands ...

[Malaikah]

:sl:

In a situation like this the Islamic view may very well be the culture view, i.e. if it is offensive in the culture, don't do it even if Islam permits it. I don't know what the Islamic cut off line is.

Personally, i don't see anything wrong with holding hands but to sit on your husbands lap, wow that's way to far!

[Layla454]

As I understand it, whitemuslimah is asking about Islamic rulings, rather than cultural views ...

Just like Malaikah said, it may be offensive to certain cultures so even if it was islamically permitted, then it would be better to refrain in order to not cause offence

[suffiyan007]

My question is how much affection is it appropriate to show for husband and wife in fron of other family members? What does islam allow or encourage? Is it ok to hold hands... for a husband to put his arm around his wife ... for a wife to sit on her husbands lap ... a kiss on a cheek ... say i love you on the phone when there's other family member present?

Could anyone give some examples from Quran or hadith, what did Prophet used to do?

Jazakallah to anybody trying to enlighten me.

tHIS IS JUST NORMAL..FOR AMERICAN...AND ENGLAND KISSING,HUGGING AND ETC IF NON-MUSLIM....IS OK...THEN MUSLIM IS HARAM..! MAYBE KHALWAT...
IF U THINK IS OK...SO OK LAH...SO BE OPEN-MINDED!

[------]

:salamext:

It depends on your culture. Personally, I think that holding hands should be the limit in front of people. It shows a lack of modesty of you go further, e.g. kissing, etc. (even though they are your spouse).

[------]

tHIS IS JUST NORMAL..FOR AMERICAN...AND ENGLAND KISSING,HUGGING AND ETC IF NON-MUSLIM....IS OK...THEN MUSLIM IS HARAM..! MAYBE KHALWAT...
IF U THINK IS OK...SO OK LAH...SO BE OPEN-MINDED!

Brother, think about what you are saying. It is normal for non Muslims because they do not have modesty, it is not normal for Muslims because we should have modesty.

[Lonely Gal]

I don't believe it is necessary to do such things in front of other family members. Even holding hands, surely a couple can sit there without holding hands. Must have time during the day to this and kiss etc when family is not around.

[suffiyan007]

Brother, think about what you are saying. It is normal for non Muslims because they do not have modesty, it is not normal for Muslims because we should have modesty.

Yes, i do know.what i am gonna said is ok for non-muslim....cause no modesty.ya i know.i said for muslim husband and wife,can kiss and hug and etc..just do it when no one seeing...in the house.! i have seen husband and wife kissing and hugging in front of their children...for american! is normal for them.!

[glo]

:sl:
Personally, i don't see anything wrong with holding hands but to sit on your husbands lap, wow that's way to far!

Lol thats embarassin bein al over each other in front of fa,ily for the FAMILY if not for the couple id never do dat wit my hubby man
leave dat 4 d bedroom ahahah

Just like Malaikah said, it may be offensive to certain cultures so even if it was islamically permitted, then it would be better to refrain in order to not cause offence

I don't believe it is necessary to do such things in front of other family members. Even holding hands, surely a couple can sit there without holding hands. Must have time during the day to this and kiss etc when family is not around.

:D go for it wen de fam int lukin! no wait dnt...coz den.. erm..
jst dnt do it, but hold hands iz cute wen couples do dat ..ahhhh :-[

:salamext:
Personally, I think there should be the limit of holding hands in front of the family members. Other than that, people say you lack modesty.

All these seems to be personal opinions.

Does anybody know what exactly the official Islamic rulings in this matter are?
I feel whitemuslimah is still waiting for an answer to her question ...

[------]

Hey glo,

No offence or anything, but it is really simple, is it not? What is considered modest and what is not? I guess it can depend on your culture though...

[suffiyan007]

if you love your wife/love your husband no harm show affection in front of people,either relatives or parents of the husband and wife...the parents also showing affective to the love one...! cause if u love someone,u wil hug or kiss on forehead or cheek....rather mouth to show obvious...so if u love your wife u can hug whether is in public...and people just ignored what u did...even your parents kissing and hugging..! just to make happening..! i not that kind of narrow minded...! i know muslim restricted cause the act is inappropriate, cause married couple is married,if not marry yet is haram..cause Khalwat,the act for the couple not yet married and have an affair..for me husband and wife kissing and hugging in front family is to make witness from the family to see them their like loving and happiness couple.! other will feel hope they be in love again.!

[------]

if you love your wife/love your husband no harm show affection in front of people,either relatives or parents of the husband and wife...the parents also showing affective to the love one...! cause if u love someone,u wil hug or kiss on forehead or cheek....rather mouth to show obvious...so if u love your wife u can hug whether is in public...and people just ignored what u did...even your parents kissing and hugging..! just to make happening..! i not that kind of narrow minded...! i know muslim restricted cause the act is inappropriate, cause married couple is married,if not marry yet is haram..cause Khalwat,the act for the couple not yet married and have an affair..for me husband and wife kissing and hugging in front family is to make witness from the family to see them their like loving and happiness couple.! other will feel hope they be in love again.!

:salamext:

whitemuslimah, please make sure you note this down as his opinion, because Islaam is totally opposite to this.

[------]

:salamext:


These might be of use inshaAllaah;


http://www.islamicboard.com/prophet-...ve-aishah.html


http://www.islamicboard.com/refutati...highlight=love


http://www.islamicboard.com/prophet-...w-husband.html

[suffiyan007]

if you love your wife/love your husband no harm show affection in front of people,either relatives or parents of the husband and wife...the parents also showing affective to the love one...! cause if u love someone,u wil hug or kiss on forehead or cheek....rather mouth to show obvious...so if u love your wife u can hug whether is in public...and people just ignored what u did...even your parents kissing and hugging..! just to make happening..! i not that kind of narrow minded...! i know muslim restricted cause the act is inappropriate, cause married couple is married,if not marry yet is haram..cause Khalwat,the act for the couple not yet married and have an affair..for me husband and wife kissing and hugging in front family is to make witness from the family to see them their like loving and happiness couple.! other will feel hope they be in love again.!

I knew that u asked her to quote my comment.the husband wife problem...probably their problem...for me if the couple doing this no point that i gonna to said objection...is their choice...if using syariah law...it will objection...as long as dont get to other people problem to trouble...the husband and wife wanna on the public...i aslo dont care...! is their problem! we can't force that a husband wife kiss and hug will be arrested...i obey what is islam teaching and Quran said....and i respect others people who is couple,that they wanna kiss or hug on the publics is their choice...i not gonna said u can't do this and that....

[Umm Safiya]

As-salaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullaah

Maybe these fataawa will help, inshaa Allaah :)

Kissing your wife's hand infront of people

Kissing infront of children

Kissing wife infront of other people

[no1_outbider]

Seing that modesty is a great part of Islam.

As he (SAW) has said 'If you dont have modesty then do you as you like
-to the nearest words- Hadith Qudsi!

Being aware of todays climax and how much inapropiate sexual material or
things that provoke is apparent;as muslim parents one should keep
the bedroom affairs,within their privacy.

Having said that,parents can always interact with one another utmost politely,have a respectful approach to one another,showing their understanding;building a peaceful enviroment at home and serving a good
picture of the marital relationship for their children.

[suffiyan007]

i know is Fatwa and prohibited in islam....for husband and wife inapropriate kissing an hugging....! i am agreed! folks...cause i am muslim too...! but we must see the non-muslim way to....to have kissing and hugging in front of parents or relative are normal...people love each other so kiss and hugs...!i dont mix up culture of muslim and non-muslim...! yeah i know doing somethings inapropiate is so shameful..! but some are not shameful...is depend how the people mentality.Is depend how they act or speaks? attitudes of the people are so many...can we condemn them stop it...! or they will kill us! for my believe is we believe in is islamic law and we must respect other people and desicion...they're making the right or wrong choice to have such inappropriate act infront of family, is their problem due to the is between them with God.We cant judges people no this and that...do u think people will listen is a couple that married kiss in public...! i cant used the law of islam to say ehh! u cant kiss or hug....say u will have this act u will be judge by God next time...please they will angry and shock! just let them be....!
i am open-minded to accept everything...inshaallah God will guide the people doing inapropriate act in public....

[Souljette]

:sl:

The sister is asking islamically if it's appropriate..she'z not talking about personal opinions of non muslims or muslims...shez talking about Islam and if in Islam it is allowed to show affection to each other and how far as she is curious ..as in my opinion she is new to Islam

[no1_outbider]

i know is Fatwa and prohibited in islam....for husband and wife inapropriate kissing an hugging....! i am agreed! folks...cause i am muslim too...! but we must see the non-muslim way to....to have kissing and hugging in front of parents or relative are normal...people love each other so kiss and hugs...!i dont mix up culture of muslim and non-muslim...! yeah i know doing somethings inapropiate is so shameful..! but some are not shameful...is depend how the people mentality.Is depend how they act or speaks? attitudes of the people are so many...can we condemn them stop it...! or they will kill us! for my believe is we believe in is islamic law and we must respect other people and desicion...they're making the right or wrong choice to have such inappropriate act infront of family, is their problem due to the is between them with God.We cant judges people no this and that...do u think people will listen is a couple that married kiss in public...! i cant used the law of islam to say ehh! u cant kiss or hug....say u will have this act u will be judge by God next time...please they will angry and shock! just let them be....!
i am open-minded to accept everything...inshaallah God will guide the people doing inapropriate act in public....

Brother with all due respect,we are obviously aware of the western approaches,which is of no concern to us.

We are probably not in the position to codemn any actions carried out by the west unless one chooses to do dawah to them on a 1:1 basis,however being open minded;accepting theor way,id certainly not the way forward for a ,that is not called being open minded rather that is going against the law and orders of Allah (SWT).

Despite the fact if a Muslim doesnt practise any of the western approaches,
he has still wronged by holding such opinions,for we have been given a set of orders,provided by He (SWT) upon which we are obliged to follow.

May he guide the wrong doers.

[sevgi]

salams..

i think it depends on the family itsself as much as it duz the cultural make-up of the family.

i myself, cud hug etc my husband next to my bros and sis's..and my mum etc..

but next to my dad..? pwaah..never...see in my family, when the father walks in, we semi-stand..or atleast sit up and check our clothing...he wud love it if we stand..but i think that is unnecessary and ego-provoking..

i think kissing shud be refrained from..even on the cheek.why? i dno. an arm around his wife sounds family-frendly..pleasant even..but holding hands? why wud u even do that..lol..

a good year into the marriage and these wont even occur to the couple:P

w/s

[no1_outbider]

salams..

i think it depends on the family itsself as much as it duz the cultural make-up of the family.

i myself, cud hug etc my husband next to my bros and sis's..and my mum etc..

but next to my dad..? pwaah..never...see in my family, when the father walks in, we semi-stand..or atleast sit up and check our clothing...he wud love it if we stand..but i think that is unnecessary and ego-provoking..

i think kissing shud be refrained from..even on the cheek.why? i dno. an arm around his wife sounds family-frendly..pleasant even..but holding hands? why wud u even do that..lol..

a good year into the marriage and these wont even occur to the couple:P

w/s

Sister,the issue isnt about the leniancy or strictness within the family,rather it comes down to the concept of Modesty.

When referring to modesty,it doesnt only apply to clothing,but it is
just as equally applicable in this field.

There are various of Hadith quotes :
Modesty is part of faith, and faith leads to heaven; while vulgarity is part of unfaith, and unfaith leads to hell.

(Related by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad, Ibn Majah and Al-Hakim).

"Among the words people obtained from the First Prophecy are : If you feel no shame, then do as you wish."

[Bukhari]

If a family is open with such affairs,they should hasten to change their approaches,since the growing children have an effect of their affection.

Children now a days tend to grow up and become mature;realise things much early in comparison to the children back in the days,due to the curropted media system and the inappropiate material that are displayed under the banner of entertainement.

Hence parents should avoid showing affection to one another once the children start growing up.

A scene of kissing or hugging,shoulnt be recongnised by a child of young age,because a wide range of inappropiate media is available.

This could lead them into watching inappropiate scenes etc.

Do you understand the point!?

[sevgi]

Sister,the issue isnt about the leniancy or strictness within the family,rather it comes down to the concept of Modesty.

When referring to modesty,it doesnt only apply to clothing,but it is
just as equally applicable in this field.

There are various of Hadith quotes :
Modesty is part of faith, and faith leads to heaven; while vulgarity is part of unfaith, and unfaith leads to hell.

(Related by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad, Ibn Majah and Al-Hakim).

"Among the words people obtained from the First Prophecy are : If you feel no shame, then do as you wish."

[Bukhari]

If a family is open with such affairs,they should hasten to change their approaches,since the growing children have an effect of their affection.

Children now a days tend to grow up and become mature;realise things much early in comparison to the children back in the days,due to the curropted media system and the inappropiate material that are displayed under the banner of entertainement.

Hence parents should avoid showing affection to one another once the children start growing up.

A scene of kissing or hugging,shoulnt be recongnised by a child of young age,because a wide range of inappropiate media is available.

This could lead them into watching inappropiate scenes etc.

Do you understand the point!?

lol..be modest..dont exclamation mark me please.

and what i was saying was all about modesty...how cud u possibly misconstrue my post so badly?

just coz i didnt use the term modesty..duznt mean my idea was void of it..

thanks for ur fatwa. i "get the point!"

peace.

[no1_outbider]

lol..be modest..dont exclamation mark me please.

and what i was saying was all about modesty...how cud u possibly misconstrue my post so badly?

just coz i didnt use the term modesty..duznt mean my idea was void of it..

thanks for ur fatwa. i "get the point!"

peace.

Sorry sister if you feel i have offended you that is not what I intended,please forgive me.

The only reason why I said what I did,is to namely point out regardless of the family stance;it should be avoided :) upon which we both agree on.

[samirasabir]

I beleieve that its very imp for a mother and father to show affection to each other in front of their children, holdind hands , embracing, kiss on cheek is all quite permissable. It shows the children that the parents are in love with one and other and they are being brought up in a loving, warm family!! However culturally in fromt of elders then maybe a little restraint should be shown only so not to cause offence but i don't think there is anything wrong with showing affection as long as the dispalys stay within the realms of modesty and I believe that some people may cause offence by implying that only muslims have the attribute to be modest and non muslims don't.

[whitemuslimah]

thank you to all who posted in regards to my question. i certainly know what things should be kept for the bedroom etc, i was only asking about particular things and also limited my question to 'in front of family members', as i believe nothing of what i mentioned should be practised outside in front of strangers. i did gather some good poits from your posts bros and sisters. jazakallah.

[sangeeta]

Totally agree,husband and wife showing affection toward each other is admirable and does prove their contentment with each other.Really a matter of opinion and my friend always holds her hsbands hand in public.They kiss and hug each other,though not lengthy french kiss, and have been like this for all their married life of 19 years.They are muslim and extremely happy.