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chacha_jalebi
07-11-2008, 02:52 PM
as salaam ma alaykoom

eloo

thought i should start a discussion how about it eh!! btw this has nothin to do with me just a thought :D

im sure people have a ideal future partner, but they never end up attracting/finding them kind of people!! and they end up attractingfindin the people who are complete opposite!!

what should do you doo in such a situation ... ?

do you just give up hope and "compromise" and marry any old joe, or keep the faith and keep waitin ...
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IbnAbdulHakim
07-11-2008, 03:02 PM
you gotta know someone properly to find out if they're ideal or not


you cant really know someone till after marriage.


so marry the one easy to marry whos pious and of good character - ie you find her attractive




and then just kick back and relax :D
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Re.TiReD
07-11-2008, 03:07 PM
AssalamuAlaykum

As life goes on (*yawn*) you'll find that your 'ideal' keeps changing. There's a difference between what we want and what we can get. A differenct between our 'ideal' and the people that are actually out there.

Dont settle for second best but dont have such high expectations that you grow old and lonely in the process.

WassalamuAlaykum
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sevgi
07-11-2008, 03:30 PM
just a note:

the word dilemma is not a negative term..a dilemma is when you have a chioce between two things..which may be equally positive.

eg) i have an apple which i love..and a banana which i love. my dilemma is which one i eat first..

now..

ideal partner? doesnt exist. love grows.

i think the key is to not be too picky..and when u see or get an offer, or are suggested someone who seems ok and foundatioanlly stable, take a few opportunities to get to know them a lil better in the halal way..

after u get married, the lil things will shine..and you will fall in love, and grow according to that person..so they will automatically become ur ideal..

also..i think an ideal partner is one who draws u closer to Allah with every moment spent together.

peace.

good luck to all of us.
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chacha_jalebi
07-11-2008, 03:36 PM
awww fanx for advice lol i didnt know what to name the title so dilemma dilemmaa

basically like a friend is gettin married and the person he is getin married to he is jus marryin for the sake of marriage, get mee? like their isnt any knowin or anythin like how the person is? practisin or not?, andd it just got my mind working :D

allah hu alim,
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sevgi
07-11-2008, 03:38 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by chacha_jalebi
awww fanx for advice lol i didnt know what to name the title so dilemma dilemmaa

basically like a friend is gettin married and the person he is getin married to he is jus marryin for the sake of marriage, get mee? like their isnt any knowin or anythin like how the person is? practisin or not?, andd it just got my mind working :D

allah hu alim,
your frend mite be doing the best thing for himself..people are very differnt..if he sees his situation fit, then khayr..

as for you bro...dno how old u are but all i can say is:

dont start thinking about marriage...it will come..it will start working on ur mind itself..there is no need for u to start it urself and get into a lot of waste...
Reply

Re.TiReD
07-11-2008, 03:41 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by chacha_jalebi
awww fanx for advice lol i didnt know what to name the title so dilemma dilemmaa

basically like a friend is gettin married and the person he is getin married to he is jus marryin for the sake of marriage, get mee? like their isnt any knowin or anythin like how the person is? practisin or not?, andd it just got my mind working :D

allah hu alim,
AssalamuAlaykum

You know, bare people do that. Some end up regretting it ...some dont.

I think the main thing to look for is Imaan. If that person has a good level of Imaan then they'll keep in mind that nobody and nothing is perfect save Allah (swt), that love grows over time and he/she will know enough to give their partner their rights and to treat one another with respect, even though they may not appear 100% compatible at first.

Wallahu A'lam

WassalamuAlaykum
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chacha_jalebi
07-11-2008, 03:41 PM
yeeaah sister, jazakhallah for the advice

me always beliefs jump the bridge when it comes!

marriage is one of them thins ive never really cared about bout, when the right person comes along woo hoo :D

erm thread has just died now :mmokay: lol
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chacha_jalebi
07-11-2008, 03:42 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ...54M4K4H...
AssalamuAlaykum

You know, bare people do that. Some end up regretting it ...some dont.

I think the main thing to look for is Imaan. If that person has a good level of Imaan then they'll keep in mind that nobody and nothing is perfect save Allah (swt), that love grows over time and he/she will know enough to give their partner their rights and to treat one another with respect, even though they may not appear 100% compatible at first.

Wallahu A'lam

WassalamuAlaykum

ya thats what i meant by ideal, but many people like they get agitated of waitin for the person with the imaan or whatever else they lookin for, and any old proposal comes they will say yes, and just leave it to Allah (Swt) to work it, and like you said some times it work and sometimes it dont! may alll marriages work :D ameen
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Re.TiReD
07-11-2008, 03:46 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by chacha_jalebi
ya thats what i meant by ideal, but many people like they get agitated of waitin, any old proposal comes they will say yes, and just leave it to Allah (Swt) to work it, and like you said some times it work and sometimes it dont! may alll marriages work :D ameen
AssalamuAlaykum

Thumma Ameen.

I think as long as you ask Allah (swt) to give you that which is Khayr for you, and you feel as though you are making the right decision then one should go for it insha'Allah. And after that everything else is just down to Qadr.

If you dont find your 'ideal'....you might just realise that what you did get was better for you. I'm not saying settle for less but sometimes we gotta appreciate that we dont always get what we want and that its the smaller things in life that count.

WassalamuAlaykum

P.S Oh Rabbi, I've turned into a serious Fish :skeleton:
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chacha_jalebi
07-11-2008, 03:58 PM
but i always feel if you dont find someone who fits your criteria, you should to a extent compromise, but compromise a bit lol, like not compromise that if they are a clubber you start clubbin with them! i believes matches are made in heaven! lets jus settle it at that :D
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Re.TiReD
07-11-2008, 04:04 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by chacha_jalebi
but i always feel if you dont find someone who fits your criteria, you should to a extent compromise, but compromise a bit lol, like not compromise that if they are a clubber you start clubbin with them! i believes matches are made in heaven! lets jus settle it at that :D
AssalamuAlaykum

Yeah thats what I mean, like dont compromise where there's no need to and to the extremes i.e. your clubbing example. But course you gotta compromise, life is all about give and take. And again, with marriage, you wont know the person and 100% about them since you wont have interacted with them as much. But as the hadeeth goes, If there's one thing you dont like about your spouse there's loadsa other things you'll find sweet.

WassalamuAlaykum
Reply

chacha_jalebi
07-11-2008, 04:14 PM
its one of them thins that you cant really talk about till your actually involved i.e married!!

btw what possessed you to such a name sister :muddlehea what it meaan or say
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Re.TiReD
07-11-2008, 04:18 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by chacha_jalebi
its one of them thins that you cant really talk about till your actually involved i.e married!!

btw what possessed you to such a name sister :muddlehea what it meaan or say
AssalamuAlaykum

Yup, its ok to have an ideal but obsessing over something that hasnt actually happened yet is insane. Marriage is such a bond that can be filled with love and barakah even though the two are complete opposites. All it takes is a lil Sabr and Taqwa Bi'ithnillah.


well i am like reeeal weird and i like reaall weird stuff
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Al-Zaara
07-11-2008, 04:22 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by chacha_jalebi
im sure people have a ideal future partner, but they never end up attracting/finding them kind of people!! and they end up attractingfindin the people who are complete opposite!!
Depends what the opposite is! If you want someone who has a strong faith and end up liking someone with very weak faith, that ain't good.
But if it's something like, you think someone very generous would appeal to you but someone very funny ends up to attract you, that's not bad.

You said it yourself, to an extent you gotta compromise. And as sister JolieFleur said, your 'ideal' keeps changing. InshaAllah, always try to pray Istikharah in important matters like these, just to be sure. :thumbs_up

format_quote Originally Posted by chacha_jalebi
btw what possessed you to such a name sister :muddlehea what it meaan or say
French. "Pretty flower".
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Mukafi7
07-11-2008, 04:28 PM
Assalamu Alaykum Brothers and Sisters,

First of all, ideal, compatible etc are all relative terms. So in reality, you will not ge to truly know the person till after marriage. It seems to me that after marriage, both men and women relax and drop their guard and start doing thing they would never do before marriage. So knowing someone prior to marriage is not key to a successful long lasting marriage. However, I agree with "Jolie Fleur", this is not something to jump into with blindfolds. There has to be a starting base and that has the be the level of Iman. I hope you find his helpful.

Your Brother in Islam
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Re.TiReD
07-11-2008, 04:30 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Al-Zaara


French. "Pretty flower".
AssalamuAlaykum

That edit was mean :mmokay:


WassalamuAlaykum
Reply

truemuslim
07-11-2008, 04:39 PM
How do you know the person?
It all falls down by luck doesn't it? Psh, its like time to get maried, to this wierd person u do not kno a single bit, and then if your lucky after two years you might feel something for em eh? ANd if your not lucky you will sit there , holding a rose, plucking each petal and saying "I suck at life, i dont suck at life, i suck at life...."
lol

sorry i never posibl to get positive thinkin :(
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Re.TiReD
07-11-2008, 04:43 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Mukafi7
It seems to me that after marriage, both men and women relax and drop their guard and start doing thing they would never do before marriage.

Your Brother in Islam
Wa'alaykum salam Akhee

I think the above point is an important one also. I mean, you cant fully know the person before marriage. The best you can do is ask the family members, relatives and close friends of that person...But even then, nothing is guaranteed.

Soo...dont be picky waiting for an 'ideal'...go with what you're happy with and what you think will bring about happiness and a successful marriage. Ask Allah (swt) to help and guide you. Its a life-changing decision and I can understand people being picky. But only the members who are married will be able to tell us how love increases after marriage and how any faults seem insignificant. Lol although I'm not married I think its probably true :-[

May Allah bless us all in successful and happy unions. Ameen

WassalamuAlaykum
Reply

chacha_jalebi
07-11-2008, 04:45 PM
there should be a bit of feelins before marriage, like when your introduced through someone there should be that feelin of kaa ching :D or some sort of attraction and then if you decide to get married, them feelins should inshallah keep increasin till the day you both die:D

or is that just too fantasy world lol
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Re.TiReD
07-11-2008, 04:47 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by truemuslim
How do you know the person?
It all falls down by luck doesn't it? Psh, its like time to get maried, to this wierd person u do not kno a single bit, and then if your lucky after two years you might feel something for em eh? ANd if your not lucky you will sit there , holding a rose, plucking each petal and saying "I suck at life, i dont suck at life, i suck at life...."
lol

sorry i never posibl to get positive thinkin :(
AssalamuAlaykum sister :D

You're so full of sunshine and smiles :D Lol kiddin :-[

Ok firstly sis, it aint luck. Its Qadr and what Allah (swt) has destined for you. You dont know the person, infact a lot of people wont know much about them but that doesnt stop you finding out from other people....e.g. relatives of that person.

After two years? Sis ...arghh you know what...I aint married so I dont think I'm the right person to advise you :-[

But I'll continue what I was gonna say in the sisters room insha'Allah

WassalamuAlaykum
Reply

truemuslim
07-11-2008, 04:50 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by JσℓιєFℓєυя
AssalamuAlaykum sister :D

You're so full of sunshine and smiles :D Lol kiddin :-[

Ok firstly sis, it aint luck. Its Qadr and what Allah (swt) has destined for you. You dont know the person, infact a lot of people wont know much about them but that doesnt stop you finding out from other people....e.g. relatives of that person.

After two years? Sis ...arghh you know what...I aint married so I dont think I'm the right person to advise you :-[

But I'll continue what I was gonna say in the sisters room insha'Allah

WassalamuAlaykum
Lol , still luck innit? Whatever allah wills, so allah can "will" to make u get married to some loooser wit no life which everyone said was totally awesome, all coz u didnt kno him

btw i dont have access to the sis room, :D
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Re.TiReD
07-11-2008, 04:51 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by chacha_jalebi
there should be a bit of feelins before marriage, like when your introduced through someone there should be that feelin of kaa ching :D or some sort of attraction and then if you decide to get married, them feelins should inshallah keep increasin till the day you both die:D

or is that just too fantasy world lol
AssalamuAlaykum,

No that isnt a fantasy world actually. Lol its true. There should be a spark I quite agree. But if for some reason there isnt one, it doesnt mean there'll never be one. Them feelings should keep increasing but for some they might take time to develop and start off first. Wallahu A'lam I'm just saying this for sis TrueMuslim.

WassalamuAlaykum
Reply

Re.TiReD
07-11-2008, 04:57 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by truemuslim
Lol , still luck innit? Whatever allah wills, so allah can "will" to make u get married to some loooser wit no life which everyone said was totally awesome, all coz u didnt kno him

btw i dont have access to the sis room, :D
AssalamuAlaykum

Sis, marriages can fail for a whole host of reasons. People say that the first 2/3 years of marriage are always the most difficult, and thats true for everybody...whether you knew that person before or not. The key is Sabr, like I said before.

I dont mean to sound patronising hun but you're young and maybe you wont appreciate everything thats being said. Just know that whatever may happen in future, will never cease to be a test for you.

I mean look at it this way, if you're blessed with the bestest person on earth (:D) you might be soo happy and over the moon that you forget Allah (swt) and your duties etc

And say on the other hand, you marry somebody you didnt know, you heard they were good but thats about it. You may not like/love them but you know that you have to be patient. And in time you'll realise that your patience paid off. And with every little thing you may have wanted in a spouse, you got hundreds of other ones that you appreciate more.

Wallahu A'lam sis. But Smileee :D the world is your oyster :D or fish :D

WassalamuAlaykum
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truemuslim
07-11-2008, 06:01 PM
Aww jazakallah khair sis for ur beautiful reply.
What are you? A "make everyone smile" sis??

Mashallah

i would use the "satisfied" smiley but im in quick reply . lol
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Souljette
07-11-2008, 06:01 PM
:sl:

Ye she is ^ shez a fish lol
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chacha_jalebi
07-11-2008, 06:39 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by JσℓιєFℓєυя
AssalamuAlaykum
I mean look at it this way, if you're blessed with the bestest person on earth (:D) you might be soo happy and over the moon that you forget Allah (swt) and your duties etc
yes but the bestest person in the world be it lady or man wouldnt let you forget about Allah (Swt) innaaay!!
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------
07-11-2008, 07:33 PM
:salamext:

Never let go of someone you love. Ever.
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Na7lah
07-11-2008, 07:44 PM
i agree somwat ^but id let go if that person wasnt good *in religious sence* unless ofcourse they changed or something...
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------
07-11-2008, 07:47 PM
^ No...
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Re.TiReD
07-11-2008, 09:17 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by truemuslim
Aww jazakallah khair sis for ur beautiful reply.
What are you? A "make everyone smile" sis??

Mashallah

i would use the "satisfied" smiley but im in quick reply . lol
AssalamuAlaykum

Lol Wa Iyaaki sis.

May Allah give you success in both this world and the hereafter. Now dont be thinking about marriage :D we're all too little yet :p

WassalamuAlaykum

format_quote Originally Posted by Souljette
:sl:

Ye she is ^ shez a fish lol
AssalamuAlaykum

What? ^o) Do you mind repeating that, but a little louder maybe? :raging: :p

WassalamuAlaykum

format_quote Originally Posted by chacha_jalebi
yes but the bestest person in the world be it lady or man wouldnt let you forget about Allah (Swt) innaaay!!
AssalamuAlaykum

Lol thats true I guess, Just trying to make the sis feel better. Sometimes the thing we feel is good/best for us is not always so.

Just be content in the knowledge that you'll only get what was destined for you, nothing more and nothing less. Think about it- sure, but dont worry about small things like knowing Him/Her b4hand.

People change, things happen, life goes on :D make the most of each situation and let every moment count. Lol now savour my cheesiness since I aint doing it again insha'Allah :-[ :D

WassalamuAlaykum
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Eeman
07-25-2008, 01:32 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by chacha_jalebi
as salaam ma alaykoom

eloo

thought i should start a discussion how about it eh!! btw this has nothin to do with me just a thought :D

im sure people have a ideal future partner, but they never end up attracting/finding them kind of people!! and they end up attractingfindin the people who are complete opposite!!

what should do you doo in such a situation ... ?

do you just give up hope and "compromise" and marry any old joe, or keep the faith and keep waitin ...
salam alaikum...

hmmmm this is a tricky one.... i before somehow used to think the same thing too like let me give you an example before i met my husband and got married i used to know someone else. growing up i always had that pciture or dream of how i'd want my future partner to b elike and this guy over matched all that, he was someone that my famly would praise me for all my life for getting married to him, but somehow my heart was just not in it as in i thought that that was what i wanted until i got it and realised that it was far from what i wanted. if that makes sense then i met my husband someone that i would never Wallah in a thousand years would ever even dream of giving him the time of the day, he was the total opposite of everything and a big let down on my family too but it was Allah swt's will and it was him that i married.

so i personally think that qadr has a lot to do with marriage and who you marry.
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