format_quote Originally Posted by
AnonymousGender
:salamext:
I need to rant. And a little advice if possible.
So I always knew I wasnt a strong person. Know that I can get attached to people and situations and places and memories real quick and have a hard time letting go. End up getting hurt sometimes but thats how life goes right? You take the bad with the good. Forget what you lost and remember what you had. You know all them cliched words and lines and rhymes and blahhh!
:w:,
I'm completely useless sometimes at giving naseehah but Insha'Allah I'll try my best to tell you what I think hun, please forgive me in advance if I should say anything to offend/hurt you.
You know, men are stronger than women, I mean emotionally- its a fact. So although I feel I'm strong I can still be made to feel guilty and bad and all those other yucky emotions we really dont like to feel.
So, I've been strong Alhamdulillah. I cut contact with somebody after I came to the conclusion that this wasnt going to work. That the Istikharah arrow was set to negative and wouldnt be changing anytime soon. Despite EVERYTHING, despite all the words of advice, all the 'lets give it time', and all the du'aas of friends etc I was still firm. I knew I had to say no.
It was the hardest thing I've ever done.
Right, so you've made a decision? let your feelings and actions then complement that decision sis.
Seriously, NO person has the right to make you feel 'guilty' as you describe it, you've got to think about how much of a good person this brother is if they're making you feel the way you are..yes men may be emotionally stronger but knowing how women are soft ( and yup we are ), men should remain sensitive in thier interaction and general conduct, especially if its as delicate as considering a potential for marriage...heart related matters should be carried out with great precaution from both sides as we wouldn't want to hurt someone and then be accountable for it on the day of judgement..
..the way they speak to you knowing that it has great effects to the weaker nature of women should therefore remain civil and not provoke you to be feeling a certain negative way, its obvious that the way he interacts with you isn't really making you feel any better about this..its just simply logical that things as sensitive as marriage should be taken care of and dealt with care and finished as quicly as possible if things are not suited to the either of you.
Giving you a guilt trip just portrays the immature illogical mentality this brother has..and I don't mean to raise questions about his character as Allahu Alam, Allah knows best of how he really is, but these certain actions give me the inclination to witness great flaws in him already...think about it sis, do you really need to feel this way?
Sometimes we do things for ourselves. To please our own Nafs. But for the first time I do something for Allah and actually have the strength to go through with it. Alhamdulillah. Even though I'm told; rather patronisingly that my Istikharah might have been incorrect, that I may have read the signs wrong, that I'm probably so Da*n flawed that I cant do this right...even though that may be so, I feel content. Because I feel as though I'm doing this for Allah and for His pleasure.
If you are positive that you are doing this for Allah and are content then you need to ignore what others say about your decision if it is against it, simply because that way you are fulfiling your trust in Allah, Alhamdulillah wa Masha'Allah that Allah has guided you to take a decision that you are content with, you need to move on and simply let go of all the things which make you feel unpleasent about this now, regardless of how the other person may feel as you're decision is up to you and if you feel like Allah has indeed guided you, it shouldn't matter how others regard it.
Many people, most often than not feel heartache. They cry night after night, they harm themselves, they lose sleep, heck they ruin their lives crying over one person! But when I made the move, when I tried to say no, I felt calm. I felt good. As though I had done the right thing.
I was told that I had broken his heart. Hurt him. Not treating his heart and feelings as I should have. Heck I broke my own heart in the process! But thats ok, a broken heart is a small price to pay to keep things halal. Because thats why we tried to do and thats what we did.
All this breaking hearts should not be your concern when you've made your decision making sure that it is the best thing you could have done and that it is pleasurable to Allah (Swt). Life moves on, people change, circumstances change, hearts are healed and they're often broken a couple of times as well..but thats it..time progresses and we experience and feel different things at different times..why then must we hold onto the past? all that has gone, and because we are not going to have it anymore, its best for ourselves that we forget it and look the future, and distinguish the things that really matter..we are not guaranteed our last minute, imagine how many minutes and moments we waste greiving over the past when there is a future ahead of us insha'Allah , time to improve and head towards better alternatives, better pathways to success and Allah (Swt)'s rewards..
Some poeple take time to 'move on' but as you're soo sure about your decision sis, then have trust in Allah and He (Swt) will indeed open up new doors for you, leave all that doesn't concern you and as far as you're concerned niether of you are concerned with one another therefore it doesn't matter how much this person is still wanting things to happen as everythings predestined anyway, so whatever happens whether you or he likes it or not..they will, and thus an end to futile arguments and expressions which only bring about the recollection of "how it could've been" and loads of "what ifs" ..remember these thoughts are from the shaytaan that loves to engage us in all that is unbeneficial for us, so seek Allah's protection and ask Him (Swt) to allow and bless you in better things and provide you with better sources of goodness..
recite the Du'a Umm Salamah did when her husband passed away, look what she was blessed with! the BEST of mankind..the prophet (SAW) himself, Allah is indeed capable of all things, great and small just cry out to Allah for all that you desire and be sure He (Swt) is closer to us than our jugular veins! Subhan'Allah Allah (Swt) will reply and suffice your needs for sure!
But he wont understand that.
you do, and frankly speaking, thats all that SHOULD matter.
How do you tell somebody who really cares about you that you want nothing more to do with them and you want to crush any hope they might have of things working.
If this person is the one for me, Allah will make it happen. He'll find a way. But saying that we should get in touch again after several years. Its absurd! How pathetic is it to wait in hope for several years and keep your heart attached to somebody. How healthy is it to have an emotional link to somebody who may never be yours?
you've answered your own question sis..if this person is "the ONE" then Allah will make it happen, otherwise you need to do all that protects you from evil roots and all that which brings about His (Swt)'s displeasure to be upon you nothing more...and remember that we all plan but Allah (Swt) is the best of planners. Allahu Akbar.
this is why we've been so blessed and been given guidance by Allah (Swt) and His Messenger, outlining guidelines to how we should treat one another , prohibit freemixing and close/personal contact whether that be online/offline with the opposite gender, how we're limited in our activities with the opposite gender until after marriage where things are made Halaal for us as, we're also blessed with the knowledge to hasten in all the good we do, if things aren't worth waiting for then don't wait and choose a better route to the good. Subhan'Allah these guidlines ultimately allow us to prevent giving way to fitaan and sticky situations as this..may Allah (Swt) continue pouring you with Sabr, bless you both with all that is best for you and lead you upon the roads to righteousness, protecting you from all forms of Harm and evil Aameen.
Wa Allahu Alam..thats just my opinion, its now up to you of how you feel about this sis, and I'm sure you know, this can be changed easily if you change the way you YoURSELF feel about it Insha'Allah.
take care,
:wasalamex