desperate and in complete despair for the first time in my life

[anonymous]

:sl:

i come from a typical, non practising, pakistani family with backward ideas
i am the only one who tries to practise but even thats been put on hold now, because of my deprression.

In a years time or maybe 2 years if the are extremely lenient, i will be shipped to pakistan to marry a cousin, uneductaed, obese, dark (not thats theres anything wrong with being dark), and without a speck of imaan, someone who lies and cheats in the footsteps of his and my wider family.

i am a very cheery member of this forum and have been since it first began. you wud be suprised if i revealed my identity!, for the first time in my life, i have felt complete and utter despair. i have been thru alot in my short life, my childhood was loveless and brutal, i suffered migraines as a child!!, and now i expected things to get better, have waited for so long, just to find this!.

if suicide wasnt harm, i would have long ended my life (as i attempted many times in my childhood)
if drinking wasnt haram, i would drink unitl i wud pass out.

but i can do nothing
nothing.
just sit here and hear the blood pound in my head

plz help

:w:

[Muhammad]

Wa Alaykum Assalaam

Thread Approved.

I'm sorry to hear about this. Allaah (swt) is whose help is sought.

[AnonymousPoster]

:( ahh that's really sad, if you're a sister, you can come live with meeeeee! :cry: just be patient but don't be quite, do voice your thoughts so that ur rents know, and if you really are a cheerful person keep smiling honest, imsad am sorry you're goin thru all dis, jus mek dua, too much :'( is bad for ur health, n pls dun even think about suicide or waheva it isn't worth it and plus no 1 can force you in2 somethin u dun like, not even ur rents, all ur life theyve mde ur decisions for you, ask dem to atleast let u, jus dis once hav a say in this,

ahh all the best. imsad

Anon#2

[Faye]

:sl:

i come from a typical, non practising, pakistani family with backward ideas
i am the only one who tries to practise but even thats been put on hold now, because of my deprression.

You need Allah's help even more so in your depression. You shouldn't cut off your links to the only One who has the power to help you. Pray and offer du'a and do istikhara, (maybe this cousin will be good for you in someway, nothing is impossible for Allah)

In a years time or maybe 2 years if the are extremely lenient, i will be shipped to pakistan to marry a cousin, uneductaed, obese, dark (not thats theres anything wrong with being dark), and without a speck of imaan, someone who lies and cheats in the footsteps of his and my wider family.

Hey, I am Pakistani and resent the commentary. The majority of Pakistanis are not obese (the US, I believe has still got the highest obesity rate) , without imaan, cheaters or liars. Can't argue with the dark or uneducated part but,
a. if there is nothing wrong with being dark, why did you even mention it, especially in the middle of a list of bad qualities
b. you wouldn't call Pakistanis dark if you stood them up next to Africans. They only look dark when you compare them to these goras, whose skin isn't even white, but splochy pink, and peels in the slightest bit of sun in a most unbeautiful manner;D. (apologies to any goras listening in)
and
c. most Pakistanis are uneducated due to lack of opportunity. Give them the opportunity and they'll study their socks off.

i am a very cheery member of this forum and have been since it first began. you wud be suprised if i revealed my identity!

Good for you!!

, for the first time in my life, i have felt complete and utter despair. i have been thru alot in my short life, my childhood was loveless and brutal, i suffered migraines as a child!!, and now i expected things to get better, have waited for so long, just to find this!.

Very sorry about your childhood but it is over, and insha'allah your Akhirat will be wonderful as a reward for this.

Abu Yahya Suhaib bin Sinan (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "How wonderful is the case of a believer; there is good for him in everything and this applies only to a believer. If prosperity attends him, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him; and if adversity befalls him, he endures it patiently and that is better for him".
[Muslim].


37. Abu Sa`id and Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (PBUH) said: "Never a believer is stricken with a discomfort, an illness, an anxiety, a grief or mental worry or even the pricking of a thorn but Allah will expiate his sins on account of his patience".
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

if suicide wasnt harm, i would have long ended my life (as i attempted many times in my childhood)
if drinking wasnt haram, i would drink unitl i wud pass out.

but i can do nothing

If you are that desperate than there are many paths open to you that aren't to others. I am not saying you should take them, just showing you the other choices

1. You could try saying no and sticking to it. Since you don't care much about life anyway, they shouldn't be able to do much to force you to say yes, and there can be no legal marriage, let alone Islamic marriage without the woman's consent.
2. The whole shipping you off thing sounds ominious. Can they actually force you on a plane and transport you back while you are shrieking your head off, and saying they have bombs in their bags and are holding you hostage?
3. You could try gaining support from influential family members / family friends. Ask for asylum from your own friends. You're an adult and need not be dependant on your family.
4. Finally, (and this is a move of real desperation) If you are Pakistani, you are most likely Hanafi, and Hanafi Mazhab allows a girl to arrange her own marriage (with proper hijaab and everything). If you have a good candidate in mind (good in the Islaamic sense as well), you can marry him. But I really don't suggest just getting married to spite your cousin. If the candidate isn't really good, don't even think of it. It may just be getting out of the frying pan into the fire.
5. Actually, there are these feminist groups in Pakistan that try to help in cases of forced marriages and so on, usually with media publicity, court cases and so on. You might wish to contact them if all the previous don't work. I bet you can find contact info on the web

nothing.

just sit here and hear the blood pound in my head

plz help

:w:[/quote]

So, plenty of things to do, salaat, du'a, istikhara, corruption of family members and friends, thinking up good accusations to shreik while being carted off on a plane, shrieking the, in case of need, leavig home and finding a husband candidate (in case of very extreme need), finding contact information on evil, bloodsucking feminist groups and contacting them, (in case of even extremer need)...and don't forget salaat and du'a in the middle of all this...they are probably the most effective of them all.

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[Faye]

Oh one other thing on your to do list, you have to apologize to Pakistanis who may have been hurt by your comments about them...after all i am not all that fat, am i....am i..., I mean 130 pounds for somebody who is almost 5ft 2in, isn't reaaaaallly fat, maybe healthy, but not obeese, not really... i must have heavy bones or something, don't you agree?

[noorseeker]

she was refering to her cousin as bein obese, not pakistanis in general, sister such harsh words from you, she's asking for help, not to be critised

[Tania]

The honesty its everything :). I prefer it too, so you should speak with your cousin about the prospective marriage. Tell him the simple true. I don't think he will wish to carry on with the wedding.

[DaNgErOuS MiNdS]

aslaamalaiakum sister, sad to hear you are being put in such a situation, I would say that it doesnt matter about the weight or colour as long as he has imaan but from your description it doesnt seem he has that either. If you're parents are trying to force you, using emotional then you should make a stand no matter what because if you arent happy then there is no way the marriage work and obviously because its totally against Islam.



I friend of mine got married to someone he didnt want to because his parents were so worried about not upsetting his wife's parents they just got it done, without worrying about what he had to say. Now after so long he still doesnt care for his wife and its all messed up.

Have you actually told your parents that yoou dont want to get married to him?

[AnonymousPoster]

please please please speak up if you dont wanna marry someone, I didnt and know this are horrible, I live everyday in misery.. dont let this happen to yourself..

[IbnAbdulHakim]

subhanAllaah... stream those tears during the third portion of the nights... soften the hearts of ur family...

try your best to make them understand

DO NOT DESPAIR!!

DONT!


JUST DONT!!

THINGS CAN AND WILL GET BETTER INSHALLAAH!!


even if things look down now.. they WILL look up... things MUST always go up after down.. inna maal usri yusra

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:
Thank u all for ur wise words, especially the above, simple words like that help so much.

As for sister Faye, you think this is all very funny. I did not want an essay telling me off for calling people fat or dark, i just said these things because im upset.

"Very sorry about your childhood but it is over"

Doesnt seem like ur very sorry at all, telling me bluntly 'its over'. you must have had a wonderful life, so do thank Allah.

He is not educated due to lack of oppturnity, he simply feels he does not need an education or job as he can depend mostly on me when he arrives here ( which he thinks is his birthright ).as for speaking to him, im not allowed, it may lead to an honour killing .....and im not joking, so no jokes please.

As for speaking my about my feelings to my parents i have voiced myself many times, quoted hadiths only to be told that i am very shameless for disobeying my parents and voicing myself.They think that i am up myself for refusing him and have asked me exactly who i think i am to refuse, giving me the example of every female in all our generations who have bowed their heads in obedience to this command.

the worst part is that my father married my mother from outside the family and did not marry his uncles daughter. therefore the uncle and my entire fathers family despise my mother and our family, except my father, whom they consider their own blood.

they plot day and night (infact the day i was born) to get to me through marriage so they can make my life a misery and so punish my mother for stealing their nephew. my mother and i r the only ones who realise this, my father is oblivious to this and refuses to hear a word against his beloved aunite and uncle, and will pay them in any price to compensate for not marrying their daughter.

All these yrs later, i am that price.I am being sold.

I had some strength to bear the burden of this knowledge until the one person whom i trusted to support me, my mother told me blatantly a few days ago, that she would not support me (she is a timid and tortured woman, living in the shadow of her husband), she said she would not jepordise her own marriage to support me, as my father would turn his fury upon her if she shows any refusal.

Thats when i broke inside and wrote this, i have not been sleeping or eating well. I shall continue to ask Allah Almighty for help, but there are such lovely people on this forum whom i respect greatly, especially, like brother muhammed, who run the forum. i would like all your Duas please, knowing that u prayed for me will make SO happy.

[snakelegs]

:sl:

i come from a typical, non practising, pakistani family with backward ideas
i am the only one who tries to practise but even thats been put on hold now, because of my deprression.

In a years time or maybe 2 years if the are extremely lenient, i will be shipped to pakistan to marry a cousin, uneductaed, obese, dark (not thats theres anything wrong with being dark), and without a speck of imaan, someone who lies and cheats in the footsteps of his and my wider family.

i am a very cheery member of this forum and have been since it first began. you wud be suprised if i revealed my identity!, for the first time in my life, i have felt complete and utter despair. i have been thru alot in my short life, my childhood was loveless and brutal, i suffered migraines as a child!!, and now i expected things to get better, have waited for so long, just to find this!.

if suicide wasnt harm, i would have long ended my life (as i attempted many times in my childhood)
if drinking wasnt haram, i would drink unitl i wud pass out.

but i can do nothing
nothing.
just sit here and hear the blood pound in my head

plz help

:w:

i hear your despair and pain although i simply can't imagine being in your situation..
all i can say is that it is not true that you can do nothing. you do not have to allow yourself to be shoveled off like a sack of potatoes. it is illegal (in the west) and unislamic besides.
you must do whatever you can do to fight this. if you can possibly find other pakistani girls who agree with you on this stuff (and i know there are many) try to connect with them.
i am sure it seems like life is closing in on you and you are being fed the belief that you have no choice. it is not true. you must do everything you can to save your life - no matter how hard it will be - the other is unthinkable.
please, don't ever give up.

[DaNgErOuS MiNdS]

:sl:
Thank u all for ur wise words, especially the above, simple words like that help so much.

As for sister Faye, you think this is all very funny. I did not want an essay telling me off for calling people fat or dark, i just said these things because im upset.

"Very sorry about your childhood but it is over"

Doesnt seem like ur very sorry at all, telling me bluntly 'its over'. you must have had a wonderful life, so do thank Allah.

He is not educated due to lack of oppturnity, he simply feels he does not need an education or job as he can depend mostly on me when he arrives here ( which he thinks is his birthright ).as for speaking to him, im not allowed, it may lead to an honour killing .....and im not joking, so no jokes please.

As for speaking my about my feelings to my parents i have voiced myself many times, quoted hadiths only to be told that i am very shameless for disobeying my parents and voicing myself.They think that i am up myself for refusing him and have asked me exactly who i think i am to refuse, giving me the example of every female in all our generations who have bowed their heads in obedience to this command.

the worst part is that my father married my mother from outside the family and did not marry his uncles daughter. therefore the uncle and my entire fathers family despise my mother and our family, except my father, whom they consider their own blood.

they plot day and night (infact the day i was born) to get to me through marriage so they can make my life a misery and so punish my mother for stealing their nephew. my mother and i r the only ones who realise this, my father is oblivious to this and refuses to hear a word against his beloved aunite and uncle, and will pay them in any price to compensate for not marrying their daughter.

All these yrs later, i am that price.I am being sold.

I had some strength to bear the burden of this knowledge until the one person whom i trusted to support me, my mother told me blatantly a few days ago, that she would not support me (she is a timid and tortured woman, living in the shadow of her husband), she said she would not jepordise her own marriage to support me, as my father would turn his fury upon her if she shows any refusal.

Thats when i broke inside and wrote this, i have not been sleeping or eating well. I shall continue to ask Allah Almighty for help, but there are such lovely people on this forum whom i respect greatly, especially, like brother muhammed, who run the forum. i would like all your Duas please, knowing that u prayed for me will make SO happy.

It's a sad situation, not just you but all the brothers and sisters who are also in your position. As you know this is very common in the Pakistani, Bengali culture not sure about others but I have heard many stories. I think you keep at it a no matter what, dont give in especially with what you have explained. The marriage cannot simply happen, tell your dad and any other senior family members who could possible influence your parents. These things so common in Pakistani families and that part you said about your parents reply about ''examples of every female in all our generations who have bowed their heads in obedience to this command'' is such a weak argument, really rings bells for me n all.

man, It really gets to me whan hearing this :mad: (there was another thread about something similar to this aswell), if it comes down to it there are things the government can do to help you aswell, leave it as a last resort but keep it in mind because its not worth ruining your life over this marriage.


insha'Allah you get through this situation, and Always keep faith dont forget the trials and tribulations we must face be strong sis. May Allah swt help you, make you happy, guide you your family and may Allah swt help you find the pefect husband for you.

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:
Forced marriages are not valid under Islam. They are also illegal in the country that you live in (I'm guessing that it's Britain, given that you are Pakistani). I'm sure that the Government could help, there are NGOs and charities that sort out this kind of thing.
:w:

[Tania]

Tell to your father: when i will be ask during the nikkah if i want to marry with the cousin i will say NO. THey can't say they heard the yes. See what will say your father.

If i understood well you are not living in Pakistan ,right :?

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

:sl:

You cannot be married off without your permission. Islaam gives you the right to refuse the marriage. So please, if you do not want to get married to that person, be proactive in finding a way out but do it in a manner that doesn't raise any suspicion and doesn't involve any haraam. You are not seeking to harm your parents here, but you are only trying to obtain the right that has been given to you from Allaah. If you sit each day without doing anything, you are only moving closer to that which you hate. So find a way out, speak to Imaams, explain your situation. Shaykh Yaser Birjas (AlMaghrib) is an excellent person that comes to mind. And make much dua' with certainty that Allaah will reply.

May Allaah ease your situation and guide those who are oppressing you.

[Cabdullahi]

:sl:

i come from a typical, non practising, pakistani family with backward ideas
i am the only one who tries to practise but even thats been put on hold now, because of my deprression.

In a years time or maybe 2 years if the are extremely lenient, i will be shipped to pakistan to marry a cousin, uneductaed, obese, dark (not thats theres anything wrong with being dark), and without a speck of imaan, someone who lies and cheats in the footsteps of his and my wider family.

i am a very cheery member of this forum and have been since it first began. you wud be suprised if i revealed my identity!, for the first time in my life, i have felt complete and utter despair. i have been thru alot in my short life, my childhood was loveless and brutal, i suffered migraines as a child!!, and now i expected things to get better, have waited for so long, just to find this!.

if suicide wasnt harm, i would have long ended my life (as i attempted many times in my childhood)
if drinking wasnt haram, i would drink unitl i wud pass out.

but i can do nothing
nothing.
just sit here and hear the blood pound in my head

plz help

:w:

People still have issues with 'dark'...i am no exception i am also afraid of the dark:rolleyes:

[Musaafirah]

Yaar I really feel for you..It's hurtful to know that your parents are against you, but pray to Allah, as Allah always hears the duahs of the oppressed.
You're in my duahs sis.

[jannat]

:sl:

hey, hope ur in the best of health and imaan inshallah.i really hope Allah SWT makes things easy for you inshallah. must be really hard for you, forget the past and look towards the future. I really hope Allah SWT helps, i will be honest i have these fears, i ve been thru stuff and thought the same, if i was a non muslim(Alhamduillah am muslim), I Probably would have hurt/harm myself /health.

Marriage hey, ur a sis rite, what do we gals have to put to hey, am nt complaining to Allah swt and may he forgive me, and dont mean to generalise but from my observation. we have to put up wid alot.. we worry abt what we get , if the spouse we get will be suitable..
at least pious.. if its nt that then the in laws.. we have to live wid a new family, we have to adapt, adopt , mould, fit in, comprimise(most of the times)and accept, keep everyone happy, alhamduillah protect ourselves from the haram out there and pray to god that the man we get is the same...., sometimes it feels that we settle for second best, (this dunya is a mans world. it looks like they enjoy it more than we do) am nt married yet, but i do fear things , i really hope Allah SWT works someting out for you inshallah. You work so hard in his path, you make the effort and hope that he will give you the reward inshallah. Dont worry, doesnt give you anyfin ! just keep asking for help and keep praying, that bit advice i need to give to myself before yourself..

May Allah SWT give us all good spouses and keeps us on the siratul mustaqeem inshallah.





:w:

[Faye]

Sorry, if my misplaced humour offended

[Faye]

I usually use humour to deal with despair. I have a friend in similar circumstances as you (though not quite as bad as yours), and I guess when we feel low, we get together and make fun of our problems, and think up impossibly hilarious solutions. In my mind, while writing the post I was thinking of her. I am extremely sorry to have hurt you by my insensitive comments. Please forgive me.

[glo]

Greetings, anonymous

I am sorry to hear about your situation. To me as a Westerner it seems very alien that a young woman should be put in such a situation.

You are right in thinking that I cannot possibly guess what your true identity here in this forum may be. It saddens me even more to think that one of the young members here, who post away cheerfully and happily, should privately be carrying such a heavy burden ... without anybody else realising ... :cry:

Do you have anybody in your family or circle of friends, who could share this with? Somebody who can actually help you in your situation?

You are in my thoughts and prayers, sister.

salaam

[chacha_jalebi]

salaam ma alaykam sister

may Allah (Swt) sort out your problems

if your forced to marry someone then the marriage is invalidated anyway, so dont worry, also threaten your parents that if they carry on treyin to get you forced marriaged, you'l threaten to tell the police, mention the police to any paki parents and they will be scared for the rest of their lifes, they dont wan you know their apprent "izzat" goin down lol.

and have sabr sister, i know its hard but dont stress over the future too much, your here in the present, live it :D enjoy it, when that bridge of marryin a freshy comes then cross that bridge, but right now live your life and be happy, there is no point of bein upset about what has happened or you think will happen, because you dont know if you will be in the future innit! also speak to our father, it seems he is doin this to honour his family, for his own faults, tell him what bigger honour is it for him to be the father of a daughter, and if he brings u up well and takes care of you, that could be a factor for him goin to jannah or not, but talk on level with parents, get it through to them! inshallah sister thins will work out for you!

just remember with every problem their is relief , as Allah (Swt) says in surah al inshirah fa inna ma3l a3usri yusraa! after every hardship theirs relief, so just have sabr and wait for the relief, so keep smilin sister, your in our prayers and even better Allah (Swt) is with you, dont give into your parents, respect them, but dont give into their choice of marriage for you, because if your not happy gettin married to someone, you dont have too and islaam gives you that right, so no parent can argue jack :D

keep smilin:D

[Ishbah]

:sl:

i come from a typical, non practising, pakistani family with backward ideas
i am the only one who tries to practise but even thats been put on hold now, because of my deprression.

In a years time or maybe 2 years if the are extremely lenient, i will be shipped to pakistan to marry a cousin, uneductaed, obese, dark (not thats theres anything wrong with being dark), and without a speck of imaan, someone who lies and cheats in the footsteps of his and my wider family.

i am a very cheery member of this forum and have been since it first began. you wud be suprised if i revealed my identity!, for the first time in my life, i have felt complete and utter despair. i have been thru alot in my short life, my childhood was loveless and brutal, i suffered migraines as a child!!, and now i expected things to get better, have waited for so long, just to find this!.

if suicide wasnt harm, i would have long ended my life (as i attempted many times in my childhood)
if drinking wasnt haram, i would drink unitl i wud pass out.

but i can do nothing
nothing.
just sit here and hear the blood pound in my head

plz help

:w:

:sl:

As hard as this may be for you, I think you need to talk to someone outside the family. Is there someone you can trust at your masjid? You need to talk to your parents too and tell them how you feel. You have the right to refuse to marry this person. but if you are scared then talking to someone outside the family might help, especially if that person is respected in your community.

If the worst comes to the worst then there are avenues open to you. Contact your local council or citizens advice, they will have phone numbers of places that can help you.

I will make dua for you that your parents will see that this person is not for you and will not make you happy.

May Allah (swt) give you strength sis.

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

JazakAllah for all ur generous replies, duas and consolations, they r greatly appreciated in my time of need, May Allah Bless you all and give u the highest place in Jannah,Ameen!

Its ok sister Faye, i apologise at my outburst, im just so confused right now. My sister and i also joke about it, and i joke along, but as soon as she leaves the room, i cry alone in despair.

I could never involve the authorities, no matter how bad it got imsad i just cant!, i respect and love them far too much.

I've tried to reason, then protest, then become angry then just loose energy and retreat into myself. I've made my position well known and will continue to do so. I cant believe at one point, i became scared of the threats and accepted my fate.If it werent for all of ur advice and encouragements not to give in, i would probably have given in.

Exactly how, and how strongly im going to protest when the time come(2yrs at the most, maybe 1 and half), i dont have a clue, but InshaAllah, I put my faith completely in Allah to save me. Allah is enough for me.

One problem im having is smiling chacha jelebi ! i try very hard to act happy but i just feel hollow inside, like im just lying to myself.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ CALL BACK UP!!!!



seriously, any uncles/aunties/grannies/grandpa's/family friends/respected cousins? / respected friends?/ respected imaams or sheikhs?

seek refuge in Allaah, and ask him for a way out



be happy KNOWING everything will only happen for the best when your sincere



SERIOUSLY! Dont you LOVE Qadr? KNowing that its all written and that ALlah knows best and if your sincere to him NO MATTER THE HARDSHIP its for your OWN GOOD !

[adam123]

When we face such problems we tend to think that there is nowhere to go...when Allah (saw) says call me and im there to help you....
our imaan should be strong in these circumstances and ask Allah for help, Problems are there to be solved and the true being who solves is Allah so why not beg from him.


Our duas are with you....................

[Brother_Mujahid]

im sorry for your dispair sister but after reading much of the posts and replies i think this post by alpha dude really sums up what you can do. And Allah will open his doors of mercy upon you and a way out inshallah.

:sl:

It's a sad situation to be in sister, inshaAllah things work out.

I think you should pray two rakah nafil salah and thereafter make sincere dua that you get out of this situation in the most convenient manner possible. Make dua and believe that it has been answered. Make dua knowing that Allah is listening.

Do this every single day, until you feel the issue has been resolved. Seriously, don't underestimate the power of dua. Of course, while making dua, you have to have trust that Allah will not let you down, so keep faith strong.

just one ayah which i sometimes think of when making du'a

Allah makes it clear in Surah 50 Al Qaf, Verse 16 that:

“It was We Who created man, and We know what dark suggestions his soul makes to him: for We are nearer to him than his jugular vein.”

This verse illustrates and beautifully explains the position of our relationship and the closeness to our Creator which must be realized for our guidance and transformation.

To be closer then the “jugular vein” relates to the core and the nature of ourselves. Let us examine the entities within ourselves to achieve and discover this close proximity to our Creator, the Lord of the heavens and the earth.

have patience sister.

barakallahu feek

[Tania]

Try to find out how it looks his type of wife and begin to behave differently - opposite of what he likes - when are people around who could inform him. Like he doesn't like the big mouth women, which acts like the boss of the house, always has right.Play theater. This always helps :).He is not dumb to marry with such a headache.

[Mukafi7]

:sl:

Sister,

One or two years represent a very long period of time. Your option are there for you. However, ther eis no need to rush into anything. Work on your Eman, become more and more devout, and let the situation resolve itself. You never know, your cousin may not want this either! So, think, pray, and choose the best solution for you and the family.

I hioe this helps

[chacha_jalebi]

:sl:

JazakAllah for all ur generous replies, duas and consolations, they r greatly appreciated in my time of need, May Allah Bless you all and give u the highest place in Jannah,Ameen!

Its ok sister Faye, i apologise at my outburst, im just so confused right now. My sister and i also joke about it, and i joke along, but as soon as she leaves the room, i cry alone in despair.

I could never involve the authorities, no matter how bad it got imsad i just cant!, i respect and love them far too much.

I've tried to reason, then protest, then become angry then just loose energy and retreat into myself. I've made my position well known and will continue to do so. I cant believe at one point, i became scared of the threats and accepted my fate.If it werent for all of ur advice and encouragements not to give in, i would probably have given in.

Exactly how, and how strongly im going to protest when the time come(2yrs at the most, maybe 1 and half), i dont have a clue, but InshaAllah, I put my faith completely in Allah to save me. Allah is enough for me.

One problem im having is smiling chacha jelebi ! i try very hard to act happy but i just feel hollow inside, like im just lying to myself.

as you said Allah (Swt) is enough for you, stick to thaat and watch the blessins fall and your life get better,

also you dont gotta get the authorities involved jus threaten your parents, with them lol :D and keep makin it clear you dont wana marry no wannabe bollywood actor, which the shirt tucked in, moustache, oil that can supply a whole family in his hair, you dont want that and we dont want that comin here :D the best thin to do with freshys is because they are dyin to come to england, jus bring them here and say to them at the airport wait here, and do a runner! psssssh @ freshys

jus have courage, be strong and let Allah deal with your affairs, he will inshallah sort it all out,

smile for yourself and smile for others do good deeds, help pthers, when you help others, you will be doin charity and also the smile on their faces after you help them, will alsoo bring one on your face!! its easyyy try it NOW! 1, 2, 3 cheese :D

[mediadave]

http://www.fco.gov.uk/en/fco-in-acti...marriage-unit/

[gladTidings]

Assalamualikum sis

Im really sorry to hear about your situation...

The members here have given you excellent advice mashAllah. I hope it helps you to build up your imaan inshAllah. I advise you to NEVER ever give in. No matter how far the emotional blackmail goes and how little support you have, you have Allah by your side inshAllah and thats all you need. May Allah swt give you patience and help you in a way you would never have imagined.. Ameen xx

[niler]

sis am sorry for ur predicament, i can understand what ur goin through because its rampant where i live, but Allhamdulilah not my family..

Allah has promised to answer the prayers of those who talk to him in the middle of the night. He calls out to His servants to ask Him anything so He may grant it, So sis make use of this opportunity. And Inshaalaah ul b granted ur wish.

I know its hard standing up for urself in such cases, because u thinkin they might disown u, u'v nowhere to go n such stuff But PLIZ and PLIZ... dont compromise ur life and hapines especially knowing that his iman is weak.. but try praying Istikhara coz u never know he might be the best suitor 4u..

If u feela after praying that u stil dont wana marry him, then ask for help from friends or the local masjid.

AND DO NOT DESPAIR FOR ALLAH IS WITH U AND WILL NEVER FORSAKE U!!1

OL D BEST!!! PRAYIN 4U INSHAALAH AND OL THOSE IN SUCH A SITUATION..

[anonymous]

Awww sorry to hear about that. How old r ya sis? Its really easy for people on here to advice others to ''TALK'' to their families- trustttttt me, doesnt work. Alhamdulillah I have a very understanding dad hes simply the BESTTTTTTTT I tell ya, but sometimes theres things you dont want to talk to them about simply because you know how hard it is for them to hear it.

But I agree with chacha jalebi- u gta think about the HERE AND NOW- not what wil happen in a cuple of yrs time. Im gettin married in a MONTH :uuh::uuh::uuh::uuh: and 1 thing id advise you hun is ENJOY THE SINGLE LIFE WHILE YOU CANNN!!! Lap every oppurtunity up and live ya life man!! As 4 ya future, inshaAllah Allah knows best and whats meant to be will be, just make dua huni xx

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Awww sorry to hear about that. How old r ya sis? Its really easy for people on here to advice others to ''TALK'' to their families- trustttttt me, doesnt work. Alhamdulillah I have a very understanding dad hes simply the BESTTTTTTTT I tell ya, but sometimes theres things you dont want to talk to them about simply because you know how hard it is for them to hear it.

But I agree with chacha jalebi- u gta think about the HERE AND NOW- not what wil happen in a cuple of yrs time. Im gettin married in a MONTH :uuh::uuh::uuh::uuh: and 1 thing id advise you hun is ENJOY THE SINGLE LIFE WHILE YOU CANNN!!! Lap every oppurtunity up and live ya life man!! As 4 ya future, inshaAllah Allah knows best and whats meant to be will be, just make dua huni xx

beautiful advice :D


just to clarify, when he/she says enjoy the single life, he/she means it in the halaal way :D not the going to ibiza and getting drunk waking up in a random girls bed sorta enjoying life



well thats me stating the obvious



Assalamu Alaikum

[AlbanianMuslim]

Pray, make Duas and inshallah Allah will lead you on the right path.
Sometimes, Allah puts us through obstacles to test us, and inshallah you will pass the test sister. Have faith, no matter what dont let anything that happens shake you. Whatever happens, it was written by Allah for it to happen. Have faith and trust in Allah that he is doing this for your own good. It may not make sense now, but it will one day. Ishallah things work out for you, you are in my prayers.

[DaNgErOuS MiNdS]

Ameen to all the duas for the sis and you know LI has got your back, anytime, any place the brotherhood and the sisterhood is always here for you in duas, in support, advice and everything else. Hope the sister is doing better.

[highlander]

Sis, all my compassion. I dont know what to say except that maybe prayer is a best way. And you know Allah never gives one more than one can bare.

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

:cry: ur all making me teary now, ur all too sweet. *BIG HUG*

Alhamdulillah, im doing better now, since i started the 2 nafl a day advice yesterday, JazakAllah Khair for that. and im smiling slightly geniuenly too :sunny:.

It was just that one day i guess, when my mum gave up on me, and i thought all hell was let loose, i'd never felt so much despair in my entire life!, i didnt know which way to turn, or what to do or think or feel. But Alhamdulillah, ur all so wonderful!, youve recieved as many Duas as youve given. Im taking it one step at a time,and taking full benifit of Allahs blessings, like my health, my parents, my home, the provisions Allah has given to us, like food and water.

i was reading about the prophet Job recently, and i was so ashamed at myself for despairing so quicky, i was in awe with his patience and faith in Allah, and felt really silly. :rolleyes:, May Allah keep me smiling like this.Ameen!

[Brother_Mujahid]

i was reading about the prophet Job recently, and i was so ashamed at myself for despairing so quicky, i was in awe with his patience and faith in Allah, and felt really silly. :rolleyes:, May Allah keep me smiling like this.Ameen!

AMEEN

keep us updated, or you know if you need a few more words of support encouragement.

May Allah fix your affairs and keep you firm on this deen.

keep on smiling :D

[Muhammad]

:sl:

I was meaning to write a reply here earlier but didn't get round to it, although looking at all these wonderful replies leaves little room to say much else. Masha'Allaah, there is a lot of good encouragement and advice that has been given. It is quite strange how such a despairing situation can be perceived so differently when we think about it in the proper way, and how it can be utilised to even make us better Muslims.

The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) said,

"No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allaah expiates some of his sins for that."

Recorded by Al-Bukhari

In addition to the other things, make sure that you take care of yourself. Protect yourself from feeling too low and depressed by reading a lot of Qur'an and studying it, as the Qur'an is a cure for the heart and is a means to draw close to Allaah (swt). And if you draw close to Allaah (swt) and earn His Love by means of righteous deeds, you will hold a special rank with Him such that your du'aa will be answered and you will be granted refuge should you ask for it.


We ask Allaah (swt) to help us in all of ours affairs, accept our deeds and help us to draw near to Him, Aameen.

:w:

[anonymous]

beautiful advice :D


just to clarify, when he/she says enjoy the single life, he/she means it in the halaal way :D not the going to ibiza and getting drunk waking up in a random girls bed sorta enjoying life



well thats me stating the obvious



Assalamu Alaikum

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH bruv u crak me up, yea dats wat i meant lol :okay::okay::okay:

[DaNgErOuS MiNdS]

Might be of intrest to you:

Depression VS Contentment BY Sheikh Sulaiman Mulla (From South Africa)

PART 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYyWPpzt9b8


PART 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxlb6...eature=related

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

JazakAllah

I think whats letting me down right now is my level of imaan, im still despairing, for example, anything wedding related whether it be pictures, videos,a happy couple, anything i see like that, gets me depressed and its SO hard to snap out of! imsad, i feel like its closing in on me, as much as i try avoiding it. i think shaitan keeps telling me ur doomed.

and i just keep thinking, well what if Allah decided to go ahead and let this happen for whatever reasons, will i have the strength to live with all the regret and pain, not to mention utter disgust living with someone like that. +o(, i feel sick everytime the thought crosses my mind, and that ruins my whole day, almost everyday.

this isnt good for my eman, health or general well being.i just have to find a way to stop thinking about it altogether.

[DaNgErOuS MiNdS]

walikumaslaaam,

Make sure you keep aat it try to tell as many people that you dont want this marriage to happen, this will be a long process but dont just hope for the best get active make yourself heard keep telling your mom and dad, unlcles aunts etc(i know its easier said then done).

Also keep your mind active and busy with other things then this situation because its bad for your health just thinking about this one sitiuation

[MaiCarInMtl]

I cannot imagine what you are going through or why families (especially parents) do this to other family members. Wanting what's best for our children is one thing but, it seems that in this case, the guy couldn't be a worse match. I am very sorry you are going through this.

I wanted to know, you mentioned you had a sister. Is she younger than you? Are your parents planning a similar marriage for her? It's bad enough to worry about yourself, but the possibility of having a sibling go through the same thing would just add to the sadness of the situation.

Anyway, on to better and brighter things: Trust in God. Pray, ask for help, guidance. He is there for you all the time. I also think that you should talk to some people within your community (religious, cultural, etc), they may be able to help you.

[DaNgErOuS MiNdS]

.......

[arabianprincess]

:sl:

i come from a typical, non practising, pakistani family with backward ideas
i am the only one who tries to practise but even thats been put on hold now, because of my deprression.

In a years time or maybe 2 years if the are extremely lenient, i will be shipped to pakistan to marry a cousin, uneductaed, obese, dark (not thats theres anything wrong with being dark), and without a speck of imaan, someone who lies and cheats in the footsteps of his and my wider family.


you should choose the person u wanna get married to. r u gonna be forced cuz that is haram. i think is rude to talk about ppl weight n the color of skin. education is a preference not a must. as long as they study islam n they fear allah. .... god said 3sa an takrho shey wa ho khair lakom wa 3sa an tahbo shy wa howa shran lakom

dont hate somethn which it might be good for u . n dont love somethin n it might be bad for u.


i am a very cheery member of this forum and have been since it first began. you wud be suprised if i revealed my identity!, for the first time in my life, i have felt complete and utter despair. i have been thru alot in my short life, my childhood was loveless and brutal, i suffered migraines as a child!!, and now i expected things to get better, have waited for so long, just to find this!.

if suicide wasnt harm, i would have long ended my life (as i attempted many times in my childhood)
if drinking wasnt haram, i would drink unitl i wud pass out.

but i can do nothing
nothing.
just sit here and hear the blood pound in my head

plz help

:w:

good that u know :) that killing ur self is wrong n would have went straight to HELL.. believe me i have thought of doing the same thing. but thank allah i remember n i feared allah .... just do estkhara - pray n ask god to guide u to the straight path n he ll help u for sure.. salamz

[Tania]

Why you don't try to be more active. Have always something to do and don't pay attention to the wedding related stuffs.


Richelieu said once - if you want to destroy a castle, you need a woman for that. Something like that. He used for spy women. He knew the women can do everything. and like was said 2 years means so much.

[sangeeta]

You do not have alot to look forward to from what yr family have set out for you,but you do not have to accept any of it.No one can just ship you off by force to any place without your consent assuming you are old enough to have to give yr consent.Many girls have stood up for not doing this sort of thing.Be brave and seek some help and guidance.Unfortunately if all were practicing Islam correctly,all muslim women would be very happy all their life.
Take care and be strong.Your life is a gift and though you dont see now,one day you can be happy and put all his behind you.Just dont accept anything unjust toward you.

[AntiKarateKid]

Personally, there are two optinions in my mind.


What they are doing is against the Quran. I honestly think there are 2 paths.

1. You live with this torture and remain strong and pray. The direness of your situation no doubt constitutes an eternal reward that is great because Allah gave you this test. He gave you this test because he thinks you are strong enough to handle it because no soul is burdened beyond what it can take.

2. They are agains thte Quran and are acting like Kuffars. For shame on them. Get the law on your side and o everything you can to leave then and cut off relations. You are under no obligation to follow such a family.

YES YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS RPOVIDED THAT THEY ARE FOLLOWING THE QURAN. You do not have to stay with them. Get a loan, a job, hire a lawyer. Get restraining orders if they dont go away. And just leave until they straighten out.


It would be a favor for them if you stayed but you certainly do not have to. Members here do not take into account the full context of the situation when saying you are disobeying your parents.

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

ive pulled this up again, because today there was another argument with my mother, with more tears and unkind words.

i did not raise my voice like i usually do but quietly listned to her insults of 'who do u think u r' and no one will marry you, and you will grow old in this house' and 'if your father gets wind of this he will take you to pakistan and beat you infront of everybody'.

........my heart is so bruised, i held back the tears for as long as i could but eventually the pain gave way and they slipped from my eyes and i left the room.I went into a bedroom, and rested my head in my arms and cried, and, then i just went quiet and just sat there thinking.

i know so much advice has already been given to me, but please pray for me..........i feel so alone, so tired, i want to give in sometimes just because im SO tired and exhausted from the tears, headaches, and shouting. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

please pray for me....please remember this broken sister in your Dua's.

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

ive pulled this up again, because today there was another argument with my mother, with more tears and unkind words.

i did not raise my voice like i usually do but quietly listned to her insults of 'who do u think u r' and no one will marry you, and you will grow old in this house' and 'if your father gets wind of this he will take you to pakistan and beat you infront of everybody'.

........my heart is so bruised, i held back the tears for as long as i could but eventually the pain gave way and they slipped from my eyes and i left the room.I went into a bedroom, and rested my head in my arms and cried, and, then i just went quiet and just sat there thinking.

i know so much advice has already been given to me, but please pray for me..........i feel so alone, so tired, i want to give in sometimes just because im SO tired and exhausted from the tears, headaches, and shouting. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

please pray for me....please remember this broken sister in your Dua's.

After reading your story actually has brought tears to my eyes along with memories I wish I can forget memories that will torment me and ruin me forever. :cry:imsad

Let me share something with you I wouldn't normally do this but I think this may help you because you sound just like the way I was. I hated being at home I just wanted to run and hide my home didn’t feel like home. Since I was in my teenage years I did all I could to escape from it but it was always back of my mind bringing me down. I was so angry with everyone and my self I didn’t know where to go I ended up doing some things which now regretful for I ended up doing bad things and trying to revel I know there is no excuse for it and I only have my self to blame for it. As this was never the way it was only my fault that I didn’t see it as a test. I drove my self so far away from my parents to the point where we all lived in same house but never sat around and had a chat my parents knew nothing about me I always spent all my time in my room or watching tele. I was also told I wasn’t good enough for anyone and I should be lucky that I got a chance with the one they wanted me to marry. I was never close to them or never tried to get close to them I just felt they never put my interest at first. I also felt that I couldn’t believe my parents wanted me to marry some one from abroad so I could look after them instead of them looking after me. Not that I need looking after but I wanted my parents to look for someone who can look after me after all I am the girl. But I just couldn’t explain that too my parents without them thinking I think too highly of my self and have high expectations. But I guess that was my fault because I guess I have no right to expect some one to take care of me when im not a very good person my head was already messed up so how could I tell them to find me someone when I didn’t want to be burden on somebody else. I always felt like everything I did was never good enough so I stopped trying but that too was wrong step because by stopping I only stopped my self from gaining what’s good nothing more nothing less than that.

From the time I was a school I always felt I never fitted in cause I was different all I wanted was to be accepted by everyone for who I was. My family are pretty much like yours my mum is religious but we never had religious upbringing mostly cultural. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful may Allah forgive me I always felt that if I had to gain strength I had to get from my self or from friends. I never spoke to anyone in my family regarding any problems or can’t even remember having a proper family conversation. From young age I learned to bottle things up cause what ever I had to say I felt would always be shut out and not listened to so I never used to say much. I always have been bit of a push over that’s what I have told by few people cause I easily feel guilty specially when family members say something believe me I know it hurts and hurts real deep.


All I wanted to do s say to my parent that im ok with marrying who they want but some one compatible but I was never a talker I guess I was too scared either that or I just bottled it all up and tried looking for alternatives start relying on others which I shouldn’t have. It didn’t help the fact the all my friends parents were so layed back and when I used to go to their house I used to love the atmosphere I used love being there I used to envy that so much than I would ask my self more question I used to think why is my parents so backward. But I failed to realise that this was also part of the test and not everything is as they seem every body has their bad times and good times. Every family has their share of problems.

I used to starve my self and sometimes hurt myself yes I know that was wrong and truly I had no patience and sabr and at the end I made even Allah angry with me if only I knew what I know now. Eventhough I used to pray I guess I probably wasn’t sincere enough as I still used to do bad things like put my trust on everything and everyone else but Allah. When I used to be down I used to put my music on to help me with my depression when I should have been listning to the recitation of quran and looking for solutions instead of more problems. My attitude and actions has only led to more problems for me. But Plesse please don’t let your self go so far away from Allah and don’t cause your self so much pain.

I couldn’t even speak to my friends about the problems I was going through as none of them were in the situation and just felt they wont understand and I hated people judging me so I wouldn’t go to anyone for advice. Except for my best friend she knows everything about me but the other people who know me everyone think I have no problem in the world I would always come across as such happy person no matter what I went trhough I would just pretend it wasn’t there I know that was the wrong attitude running away from problems doesn’t make it go away. And the way they knew me the way I was I would not let anyone know what was inside me. I would brush it up with smiles and laughter that was my way of escape. what I was going through I tried to forget all about it and shove it to one side. But I was ony lying to myself it was kike I was living a double life I wanted to be this person that my parents didn’t want. It affected me so much of everyday I always used to search for a way to be some body else living in some one else’s shoes. All my life I had such low confidence no matter what I did I always felt I was never good enough no matter how much I achieved no matter how well I did at my work or studies I felt it mattered to no body. So I gave up at the end when I really should have stayed strong I really struggle to find myself and who was cause I was trying to be so many different people living up to everybody expectation. But I guess We have to accept our selfs before asking or expecting other to accept us.



The thing with my situation my whole family and relative got involved in it. People used to say if you don’t marry the person your parents want you to you will never be happy because your disobeying your parents and this and that will happen to you and allah will curse you cause making all those people cry will not bring me happiness and I believed all that. But that’s no one fault
Now what choices do I have either way people would always put the blame on the girl not each and other people or the effects you went through. So don’t decide to do something when its too late. Worse thing of it all none of it seem real to me I just felt some how sooner or later it will all be over. But hey it was just the begingingEventually some way or another I got married im not even going to go into that some how it was too my fault for being so weak and letting others take control over me and I did some silly things to make the stuations worse for y self. I gave in and got married to some one I let it take control over me. I just wanted to get married to someone else I thought by doing that I can get away with all the pressure and start my life over. It got me so depressed that I got so lost in the situation and caused my
self so much grief and heartache that I lost all direction I was so deep
into the situation that I just wanted out. My self confidence everything
went so low I felt worthless and also felt I wasn't good enough for
anyone. I had everything I wanted I had so many people who loved me an great job but I shut everyone out. I got so fed up of the situation and felt so
trapped that I just wanted out so at the end I just gave in. I was so
angry and frustrated that I didn't care about anything I just wanted it
to be over. I saw it as the easier option. I didn’t think anything through and I didn’t care about anything else I was so deep into getting myself out of the situation I was in I didn't think OF What I was ACTULLY getting my self into. After my marriage I went through bigger problems of denial anger depression you name it. I was so angry with everyone because of my situation. But at the end I realised there was no point of me being angry it wasn’t anyone else’s fault I let things get out of control I was so fed up with things that I didn’t care about myself I just gave up but hey who suffered at the end I did. Because of my attitude towards life I almost let it destroy me the pressure the atmosphere the situation will sooner or later be over but don’t let the take control over your life. The only person I can really blame is my self for not making the best of situation when I could have.

What ever happened to me I don’t know whether it was a punishment or a blessing. I guess I didn’t make it easy on my self when I went through those trals it should have brough the best in me but t brought out the worst in me and I was truly the one to blame for my situation drove my self away from Allah instead of getting close to Allah. Maybe that’s why things had to get to such a extreme level. But what happens just happens and nothing happens without a reason. Because what ever has happened helped me to learn and grow as a person. It has made me the person I am today it has made me so much stronger and has opened my eyes to the important thing in life. It has strengthen my faith in Allah it has helped to strengthen my imaan now when ever im in difficulty I pray and I pray to Allah. I find my peace through my prayers and learning about my religion knowing that im spending my days doing good deeds instead of wasting the days do things that are not important or beneficial.

And another fact that is this life is nothing but a pass time no matter how you spend your day one way or another time will pass you by it will not wait for you. So it’s up to you to use the time and make it useful so that it can benefit you for the real life hereafter. Do you know what fact of life is that once one challenge is over another will begin.

Sister I don’t know if my advice will be any use to you but all I could say to you is your frst step would be to build your relationship with your parents. Sister all I can say to you is this is a test from Allah observe patience and inshallah you will be rewarded. Believe me take it from some one who has been in your position do no I repeat do not give up or give in this will only lead to more problems for your future. This phase this torture will pass you be but if you give in you will have to live with it for the rest of your life and the ONLY person that is going to suffer at the is YOU.


Our parents just try to do what’s best for us they see it as their duty to take care of us and find us a good partner. But as they don’t know how you feel they may not know the effect or be aware of the effects. They too face pressures like us and sometimes than can let it take control over them they may come across as being stricked but they are only trying to what is best. Our parents understanding and our understanding will differ try to find the balance. Try to build your relationship with them through stages take simple steps first before you get down to the crunch. Try to get close to your dad make him nice cup of tea or something lol try to have regular conversation with them just to break the ice. Sometimes we have to put the extra effort into the situation if we want things to change.

Always keep back of your mind no parent would deliberately put their child to go through what your going through. They either doit out of the pressures they face with society or culture. I can’t stress to you how important communication is try talking to your mum when she is good mood. Start building relationship with them have a little chit chat at least once a day so it gives you the chance to be more close to them. Than you can start telling them how you really feel no one will know what you’re going through unless you talk it over.

Remember your parents are not always going to be here so make the most the time you have with them don’t take them for granted or don’t let anything come between you to make your relationship fall you never know when it maybe too late. Always remember parents blessings are most important blessings a child can ever have. Do all you can from your part to make your parents understand your point of view.

Just remember one thing the longer you let something spill the longer it will take to clean up after it.

But you have the chance to change it all around learn from others experience don’t let your self drown in your problems. Problems are just part of life its up to you how tackle it even the worst of situation you have the option to make it make it better and come out as a winner.

All those people will not live your life for you. I strongly believe we should listen to our parents as they are the most precious gift but when it comes to marriage think it through explain to your parents your reasons or get one of the close family member to speak to them who you can trust.



Its only after hard work and struggle you can really taste the sweetness of victory and always remember Allah sees and hears everything Allah knows how much of pain your in allah does not look at who you are or how you look but he only looks to see what is in your heart. Just Knowing that Allah knows your pain that should make you feel at ease.

Allah knows what your going through he sees everything every drop of tear every pain in your heart when ever you feel angry or feel down take you complain to Allah turn it in to a dua ask Allah to give you strength courage to cope. And ask Alah to make your path easy for you and ask for what is good for you. Whatever your feeling tell Allah communicate directly. When you are upset make nufl salah and ask for Allahs help.

This is your opportunity to do good more good that you do more you will be rewarded. Inshallah with time you will see your situation changing.


Life is all balance of good and bad life is not always going to go the same way if your going through hard time now be thankful that you have chance to become closer to Allah. Look around you every thing from outside may look fine but when you look deep in you will see that every human on this earth is stricken and tested with one thing or another. Its only through the test and hardship that makes us stronger.

In life we will be tested its up to us to take it up on our selfs to see the good in every situation. You are control of your own destiny what you do today determines the effects of tomorrow so please please make sincere dua to Allah and pour your heart and soul out cause Allah is the only one who can really help us and give sustence to us. Dua is such a powerful weapon that it can turn your life around. But in order for any change to happen we have to change our self. Things would be meaningless if we just got what we wanted without putting the effort into it. Like when you prepare for a exam you have to sometimes revise so hard that you feel like giving up. But once you get the result you wanted you appreciate it so much cause you know you worked so hard for it and the feeling is so rewarding. Just like that this is another test which you have to prepare for and one day you will look back and be so grateful for it belive me.

Everyone is tested Our beloved prophet (p.b.u.h.)and hes folloers were one of the best of people and they went through so much trial. If they were put through so much trial do not think we would be tested too. How could we ever feel pain of others or appreciate things if we don’t feel pain ourselves.

Pray to allah and make dua to allah and ask allah for what you want trust allah is the one who can grant it to you.

Never feel alone shaytan will play with your mind it wants you to fall and it wants you to give up hope but always remember your never alone people around you love and care for you. Never doubt you’re self or let another person bring you down. Were all humans no one person is greater than other. Allah has given all of us brain and intellect to act and think on. Every person has the capability to make a difference the world doesn’t make us who we are we make the world what it is. When you think back and analyse the work of great leaders you will realise that they were also just another person like you and me but they created great things because they believed in their self and they had a passion which drove them to the result. It goes to show everyone is capable it’s just up to you to find your determination.

Don’t let words get you down your parents do love you they only saying those things out of anger ad people always say things they don’t mean out of anger.

Just ask your self one question which would you rather have rushing into a marriage and realising your not happy or making the change whilst you got a chance marriage is such a big thing take your time when choosing a spouse make sure they are suitable for you. Look for the one who is righteous and pious and can take care of you. You doubting or putting your self down is not gonna get you the best spouse. Just make dua and ask allah to grant you happiness.

But sister there is a lesson to learn from every aspect of our life if I never went through the tribulation I probably never had the chance to be the person I am today who is so much stronger and tolerant. because if I had strong imaan than I would have known better and if I knew my religion better I maybe would have been able to save my self. But instead I ran far away from it because eventhough I used to pray I guess I never had enough knowledge on islam.

Remember sister don’t hold hate or anger towards others when the only person you’ll generate more hate towards is your self at the end you will cause your self despair. Always remember the teavhing of our beloved prophet always be nice to some one even when they not exactly nice to you. Because you will be rewarded according to your deed and they will be rewarded according to theirs.

Sister good times and bad times are part of life. Have you ever wondered to your self how fast time passes you by and how quick a day goes by? Ask your self what you were feeling yesterday was that any importance to the way you feel today. Matter of fact is that today is just another day and inshallah if you meant to live than it will just pass by like all the other days.

What really is important of each day is the way you spend your day the things you actually do to make better out of your situation. you can sit there and build anger towards yourself and everyone else around you like I used to. But we both know that was a waste of time instead spend your days wisely today is the day you can make difference for tomorrow.

'Al-Ghazali said,"If you see Allah, Mighty and Magnificent, holding back this world from you, frequently trying you with adversity and tribulation, know that you hold a great status with Him. Know that He is dealing with you as He does with His Awliya' and chosen elite, and is watching over you, have you not heard His saying, "So wait steadfastly for the judgment of your Lord - you are certainly before Our eyes.
{At-Tur 52:48}""


Whatever you’re going through, He knows and just knowing that should bring about so much relief, cos if Allah knows of the pain or difficulty you’re going through then He has the power to bring the ease to you too as Verily with hardship comes ease; verily with hardship comes ease.” [al-Sharh: 5-6]

Last but not least pray pray read the quran and make dua to Allah. Inshallah I pray that Allah will make your path easy for you and all the best with your future. There some really good quotes on the forum from other post have look through some of them they may help to find some comfort. If you need any advice just post Take care sister. Assalamualikum

Sorry this is long hope I haven’t offended you in any ways or upset you. And I hope that I haven’t said anything wrong or gave any advice which may lead to wrong actions may Allah forgive me.

Jazakallah kair

[syilla]

:salamext:

sis...just wondering, how r u doing now ukhtee?

[AnonymousPoster]

Is that the question to me or the original post

[syilla]

Is that the question to me or the original post

to you too sis :)

[alfateh234]

Dear Brother,
There is a urdu saying "Naummidi Kufr hai" May Allah help you in avoiding this marriage. You must be knowing that a truthful consent to a maariage is compulsory otherwise it can not be called a true and legal marriage. At the time of nikkah when the Qazi asks for your consent you can planly deny for the relation and also explain to the public that the arrangement of your nikah is by force. All the God fearing people will surely help you to come out of this, InsaAllah.

[~Taalibah~]

:sl:

ive pulled this up again, because today there was another argument with my mother, with more tears and unkind words.

i did not raise my voice like i usually do but quietly listned to her insults of 'who do u think u r' and no one will marry you, and you will grow old in this house' and 'if your father gets wind of this he will take you to pakistan and beat you infront of everybody'.

........my heart is so bruised, i held back the tears for as long as i could but eventually the pain gave way and they slipped from my eyes and i left the room.I went into a bedroom, and rested my head in my arms and cried, and, then i just went quiet and just sat there thinking.

i know so much advice has already been given to me, but please pray for me..........i feel so alone, so tired, i want to give in sometimes just because im SO tired and exhausted from the tears, headaches, and shouting. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

please pray for me....please remember this broken sister in your Dua's.

:sl:

Sister i shall make Dua for you.
Dont stop asking Allah Ta'aa'a for help and protection. I have absolute faith in the Dua that is made during Tahadjud time. Sometime Duas seem not to be answered when or how we want it but Allah Ta'aala will answer it in His own way. Allah Ta'aala only gives us what he knows we can manage. Try and wake up Tahadjud time, read Tahadjud namaaz and sincerely make Dua unto Allah Ta'aala for help sis. He is your creator and Your parents and everyone else's. He will help you.

You could also approach the Ulama or Islamic council around you and ask their advice/help?

May Allah Ta'aala keep you safe and protect you from harm sister.
:w:

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:
If they threaten to beat you you must go to the police. They will keep you safe from them. I repeat, forced marriages are illegal, and having a government that is completely obsessed with anything to do with Muslim women has its upsides...

[Zahida]

:sl: I am so sorry and sad to hear of your problems little one.........imsad

I pray to Allah that InshaAllah your situation is eased by now and things have worked out favourably for you Ameen.................

However honey one thing i will say to you is PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not let your family bully you, or sweet talk you into this marraige. It will not work because you have already not accepted him. You will just end up resenting him and your family.

What will happen when the marraige does not work then you have the izzat behsti thing to face too..................

Allah forgive me if i have given the wrong advice, because i do not know the full situation. I have seen this thing in my life so many times and repeatdly ask myself the same question. When will our parents learn.

Have saburand make as much dua as you can pray that Allah shows you and guides you to do the right thing. Ameen.:w:

[AnonymousPoster]

GO TO THE POLICE...
They will be able to sort it out.