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anonymous
07-17-2008, 10:00 AM
...when they were never really yours. you loved them SO MUCH... but u know you cannot be together... everytime you think of them your heart hurts...you see them every weekend because they are related to you...there isn't a hope in hell you can get together... :cry:

how to calm the heart down? how to stop it from hurting? practical advice please...
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IbnAbdulHakim
07-17-2008, 12:59 PM
never look at the face again


i cant give more practical advice then that



never EVER look at the face! next time he comes just look down, look away, stay away as much as you can.



now whatever excuse the shaytaan gives you for saying you cant do this , THROW IT OUT! because NO ONE will force you to look at him... take this advice inshaAllaah


may Allaah ease your burdens
Reply

Hamas
07-17-2008, 01:21 PM
Assalamu Alaikum

Theres no way to calm the heart down, theres no way to stop it from hurting, whats simply happening is your facing the consequence of your actions. If you didnt want to do the time you shouldnt have done the crime any? im not saying your a criminal its just an example but no of course you will recover it wont last forever just give it time and focus on your deen because that will help alot InshaAllah.

Salam
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Re.TiReD
07-17-2008, 04:57 PM
...when they were never really yours...you loved them SO MUCH... but u know you cannot be together... everytime you think of them your heart hurts...you see them every weekend because they are related to you...there isn't a hope in hell you can get together... :cry:

how to calm the heart down? how to stop it from hurting? practical advice please...
AssalamuAlaykum

'There isnt a hope in hell you can be together'.... That struck me. We all know we're heading for one of the two - heaven or hell. Just wanted to remind you of that. Lets make sure our impatience and despair doesnt get us thrown into the pits of hell.

It'll hurt, I can guarantee you that. To let go of somebody can scar the heart in the worst possible way...but only if you let it. But the sad fact is, it has to be done. Know that pain in this Dunya is worth it....every single prick you feel in this Prison is worth it just to get Jannah in the aakhirah.

Know that you're not the only one to have felt this way, know that only a week ago there was somebody else in your place, and with patience and perseverance you CAN get through this. You KNOW that Allah does not overburden any soul. You KNOW that in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest, So immerse yourself in His Dhikr, keep your heart and mind occupied in the remembrance of the one you KNOW loves you. Rather than in the remebrance of the one you know can never be yours.

You say he/she is related to you and that you see them often. Lower your gaze and keep outta their way, thats all I can say about that. I'm sorry.

May Allah give you strength and sabr. May He strengthen your Imaan. Thats all you need. No Fish in you life can beat the bond you have with Allah.

WassalamuAlaykum
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07-17-2008, 05:04 PM
:salamext:

^ MashaaAllaah that was kool advice. Can't say fairer than that.

No Fish in you life
your?

:D
Reply

Somalina
07-17-2008, 05:09 PM
The heart loves to Love.So let it love its Creator.
Reply

Re.TiReD
07-17-2008, 05:09 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by - Serene -
:salamext:

^ MashaaAllaah that was kool advice. Can't say fairer than that.



your?

:D
Wa'alaykum salam warahmatullah

ALL Men are Fish...:D

JazakAllah khayr sis.

WassalamuAlaykum
Reply

BlissfullyJaded
07-17-2008, 05:31 PM
:sl:

^ They all stink?

I don't think there is any practical advice to make the heart stop hurting and crying for it wants so bad... Your heart does as it wants, no matter how much your mind tries to guide it away. You gotta keep fighting though, but the pain won't go away overnight. Several months down the line tho you will feel complete freedom inshaAllah.

Even though you're related, isn't there any way for you to just completely avoid? When he's around, don't be in the same room, just walk away. Don't try to be nice, don't try to talk, just become completely cold towards him... If you try to open the doors when he's closed it, you're just gonna suffer more. Don't bring more pain on yourself, you don't need that.

And occupy your mind with other stuff. Read some Islamic books, go to the library, spend more time with friends and family...just don't let him enter your thoughts for as long as possible. You will end up thinking of him for a while, but still...fight it... You can overcome this sis... <3
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IbnAbdulHakim
07-17-2008, 06:46 PM
she asked for practical advice


not rofly talk of emotions


no OFFENSH
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Re.TiReD
07-17-2008, 06:49 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by IbnAbdulHakim
she asked for practical advice


not rofly talk of emotions


no OFFENSH
She asked:
how to calm the heart down? how to stop it from hurting? practical advice please
You told her how to stop looking at him.

I think any advice is better than no advice.

No Offensh.
Reply

Ali.
07-17-2008, 06:51 PM
How to calm the heart down from hurting, is to take the source of the pain away. Block all connections with him and don't even give him a glance, even if it's MSN, delete or block him. Insha'Allah things will be solved then.
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AnonymousPoster
07-17-2008, 07:00 PM
Assalam walaikum
i lived the same situaution about one years ago, and however hard i tried, i still love that one person... it doesn't help saying you sinned or other people preaching it to you, i profited from that heartbreak to get close to Allah but please beware, with time, shaitaan tempts me about this, and i don't know about you, but i do blindly get into shaitaan's alluring plans... so i think the only way is to seek refuge and help with Allah...
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IbnAbdulHakim
07-17-2008, 07:48 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by JσℓιєFℓєυя

No Offensh.
none taken



although some advice can hurt



trust me



just trust me

it can hurt in the sense that it leads to no good, but only drags the person further into their problems
so sometimes no advice is better
Reply

Re.TiReD
07-17-2008, 07:49 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by IbnAbdulHakim
none taken



although some advice can hurt



trust me



just trust me

it can hurt in the sense that it leads to no good, but only drags the person further into their problems
so sometimes no advice is better
Depends on the person then innay.

But sometimes it works.

Trust me

Just trust me

tried it before

Worked

So what if it hurts

Learn to deal with it
Reply

Tania
07-17-2008, 07:56 PM
Keep yourself busy. If you will have the entire day what to do, you will not have time to think at love affairs. :-[
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IbnAbdulHakim
07-17-2008, 08:07 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by JσℓιєFℓєυя
Depends on the person then innay.

But sometimes it works.

Trust me

Just trust me

tried it before

Worked

So what if it hurts

Learn to deal with it

ya dont getsh it do ya?


basically imagine ur hearts achin and bakin and someone comes up to you givin advice which reminds u more o dis person talkin about all the emotional stuff and u start reminiscin and things get heated inside where instead u can jus tell teh person " DO THIS" wivout getting into all the emotional rapture and ensure the person has a nice and healthy ache free heart !



gets it?
Reply

IceQueen~
07-17-2008, 08:11 PM
Tania that's pretty good advice mashaAllah.

the easiest I think and the most practical is to distract yourself, that way you won't hurt thinking about trying to stop connections etc it'll happen automatically...

get into some sort of deen classes, thats what you need. they'll distract you and deen is the sort of thing that you can't just leave behind you at the class- you take it with you wherever you go. back home.


the other thing is you need to talk to some sort of psychotherapist to deal with your feelings in a healthy and positive way inshaAllah. this way you can get it out cos obviously you can't exactly talk to your family about it.
Reply

Re.TiReD
07-17-2008, 08:11 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by IbnAbdulHakim
ya dont getsh it do ya?


basically imagine ur hearts achin and bakin and someone comes up to you givin advice which reminds u more o dis person talkin about all the emotional stuff and u start reminiscin and things get heated inside where instead u can jus tell teh person " DO THIS" wivout getting into all the emotional rapture and ensure the person has a nice and healthy ache free heart !



gets it?
My heart isnt like your heart, niether is hers like anybody else's.

Different types of advice works for different people.

And a 'DO THIS' doesnt work.

Well not for me,

You know what, forget it. I'll edit out my posts if it makes u happy
Reply

IbnAbdulHakim
07-17-2008, 08:15 PM
^ no need to edit i get what you mean



everyones different





but i thought everyone feels the same heartache...





im out of this thread, assalamu alaikum
Reply

Re.TiReD
07-17-2008, 08:17 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by IbnAbdulHakim
^ no need to edit i get what you mean



everyones different





but i thought everyone feels the same heartache...





im out of this thread, assalamu alaikum
watever

like everybody feels the same pain when they fall?

No....how flawed

some ppl are stronger and feel less pain. others arent.

blah. waste of time
Reply

Al-Zaara
07-17-2008, 08:42 PM
God is closest to those with broken hearts. ~ Jewish Saying

Turn to God.

When you see him, you say Bismillah and look somewhere else. When you say a short prayer, it'll make you feel more safe inshaAllah. When you remember Allah in these cirtical situations, it'll make things feel better inshaAllah.


Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. ~ Author Unknown

When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal. ~ Author Unknown

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. ~Author Unknown
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Ibn Abi Ahmed
07-17-2008, 10:53 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous
...when they were never really yours. you loved them SO MUCH... but u know you cannot be together... everytime you think of them your heart hurts...you see them every weekend because they are related to you...there isn't a hope in hell you can get together... :cry:

how to calm the heart down? how to stop it from hurting? practical advice please...
:sl:

To forget. Honestly, there is no other way to get over *love* except by forgetting the person you love. I believe Ibn Hazm who is known as the Faqeeh of love said this as well. You need to really make a conscious effort to forget the person. I know that you don't want to forget him, this is the case with most people in love. But if you really want to free yourself from the shackles that are around you, then that is the only way out. It may be tough in your situation since he's a relative, but as others have stated above, it isn't that hard to avoid a relative if one really wants to and you should really want to.

Love has a type of drunkenness to it, and if you don't get yourself out of it now, perhaps it'll be too late. Ibn Qayyim says in Rawdatul Muhibeen (The Gardens of the Lovers):
Looking is like a glass of wine, and love is the intoxication that results from that. The drunkenness of love is worse than the drunkenness caused by wine, for the drunkenness caused by wine will pass, but the drunkenness of love rarely passes until one is in the throes of death.
Wake up. That one person isn't the only one out there for you. There are 6 billion other people out there in the world and I'm sure you'll find someone better. You know your situation better than we do here, so since you know with certainty that you can never get married to him, what is the point of wasting yourself after him in the name of love?! What is the matter with you? You haven't lived with this person to know his real side, so how can you judge by what you've seen of him? Real love is after marriage, not before it and it is only achieved by a person that forbids for himself his own desires (hawaa). Before it is simply the 'I'm in love!' phase. Trust me, I've seen people go through this. Believe me when I say you need to forget him.

Secondly, you absolutely NEED to get your heart preoccupied with other things! An idle heart is prey to these kinds of emotions. So go form a relationship with some sisters at the Masjid, see if they have AlMaghrib/AlKauther in you're area and get involved. Get yourself into good company and you'll forget the person. Keep good company and stop being alone. You're not. Stop reading love stories (if you are) because they are only a delusion. Real love is something completely different. Marriage is not a bed of roses, but it is what you make it. How do you know that you won't start hating this person 2 years after marriage? Use this time to better yourself, so when the time comes and Allaah blesses you with marriage, you'll enter it with knowledge and it will become a blessing for you bi'idhnillah. Form a relationship with the Qur'aan and this is really the most crucial. The Qur'an guides to that which is upright. So become its companion.

Lastly, don't you believe in Qadr? Your provision has already been written for you 50,000 years before Allaah created the heavens and the earth, so you will get only that which is written for you. Does not Allaah say:

{No disaster strikes upon the earth or among yourselves except that it is in a register before We bring it into being - indeed that, for Allah , is easy - In order that you not despair over what has eluded you and not exult [in pride] over what He has given you. And Allah does not like everyone self-deluded and boastful-}[al Hadeed; 22-23]

So don't despair, you're Rabb won't forsake you and perhaps he wasn't written for you and Allaah has tested you with him in order to raise your ranks. Perhaps if you turn away and instill in yourself patience and perseverence, Allaah will replace him with someone much better for you and Allaah is All Capable over doing that. So think, is it worth wasting away your life over just some person? Don't you know that there is a Paradise and a Hellfire {And that man can have nothing but what he does}[an-Najm; 39]?

I'm aware I've thrown a lot of things out there and may have been a tad harsh in places and it's only because I've seen these advices being given to other people in your situation and they benefited, so I hope they benefit you.

May Allaah free your heart and grant you patience and perseverance and give you someone much better for you in this life and in the Hereafter and grant you happiness and tranquility. Ameen.

Ibn Qayyim said:

إن في القلب شعث لا يلمه إلا الإقبال على الله ، وفيه وحشة لا يزيلها إلا الأنس بالله ، وفيه حزن لا يذهبه إلا السرور بمعرفته وصدق معاملته ، وفيه قلق لا يسكنه إلا الاجتماع إليه والفرار منه إليه ، وفيه نيران حسرات لا يطفئها إلا الرضا بأمره ونهيه وقضائه ، وفيه طلب شديد لا يقف دون أن يكون هو وحده مطلوب ، وفيه فاقة لا يسدها إلا محبته ودوام ذكره والإخلاص له ، ولو أعطي الدنيا وما فيها لم تسد تلك الفاقة أبداً .

"Truly in the heart there is a void that can not be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there is a sadness that can not be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true to Him. And in it there is an emptiness that can not be filled except with love from him and by turning to Him and always remembering Him and if a person were given all of the world and what is in it, it would not fill this emptiness."
:w:
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Re.TiReD
07-17-2008, 10:55 PM
:salamext:

Masha'Allah amazing reply!

:wasalamex
Reply

BlissfullyJaded
07-18-2008, 04:30 AM
:sl:

MashaAllah, that was really great advice bro Abu Sayyad. :thumbs_up

How do you know that you won't start hating this person 2 years after marriage?
Totally true! Even when you are in love, and see things that bug you, you convince yourself that it can smoothed out and with guidance the person will change. But the fact is they may not change and will be easily swayed away, so think about those things and maybe it would help you get over him faster.
Reply

Tania
07-18-2008, 04:41 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by IceQueen~
Tania that's pretty good advice mashaAllah.
Thank you :) :-[ The advice committee just had his major quarell :giggling:

Now coming back to the point i think the best way to forget the related person would be to see his faults. Don't build in your head a person which there is not in reality. You are so lonely in your love, you have to realise that. A love should be shared. In your case is not.
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Amat Allah
07-18-2008, 05:54 AM
I am with my brother Abu Sayyad mashaa Allah

and you have to know that it is Allah will if you are going to be togather no one will stop that and if not you won`t ever be togather no matter what my precious....:smile:

you don`t know what Allah is hidding for yah...may be you will find someone better than him in the future you don`t know.....subhaan Allah:smile:

and about forgetting someone by seeing his faults...I don`t think that would be a good an Idea my dear sister Tania :smile:.....cause I think returnning to Allah and trying to be closer and closer to him is much better than wasting time in looking after the others faults and mistakes...and I think we should try our best to correct our mistakes too...and If I saw something bad from anyone whether I love this someone or not I should give him/ her my advices not getting away from them....got me my precious???....:smile:

may Allah guide us and purify us from all sins and reward us with Jannat Al ferdous....

Ameeeeeeeeeeeeen

and Allah is the one who will heal your wounds...trust him and you will be just fine,,,^^
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anonymous
07-18-2008, 10:44 AM
i dont know what i would do without you brothers and sisters...everyone has given so much good advice...thanks all of you so much...may all of you get paradise firdows....ameen ya rabb ameen
Reply

------
07-18-2008, 10:58 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Abu Sayyad
:sl:

..............

Love has a type of drunkenness to it, and if you don't get yourself out of it now, perhaps it'll be too late. Ibn Qayyim says in Rawdatul Muhibeen (The Gardens of the Lovers):
Looking is like a glass of wine, and love is the intoxication that results from that. The drunkenness of love is worse than the drunkenness caused by wine, for the drunkenness caused by wine will pass, but the drunkenness of love rarely passes until one is in the throes of death.
..................

you're Rabb won't forsake you and perhaps he wasn't written for you and Allaah has tested you with him in order to raise your ranks. Perhaps if you turn away and instill in yourself patience and perseverence, Allaah will replace him with someone much better for you and Allaah is All Capable over doing that. So think, is it worth wasting away your life over just some person? Don't you know that there is a Paradise and a Hellfire {And that man can have nothing but what he does}[an-Najm; 39]?
Wow...bro you should go into islamic counselling :p
Reply

Mukafi7
07-18-2008, 04:14 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by JσℓιєFℓєυя

AssalamuAlaykum

'There isnt a hope in hell you can be together'.... That struck me. We all know we're heading for one of the two - heaven or hell. Just wanted to remind you of that. Lets make sure our impatience and despair doesnt get us thrown into the pits of hell.

It'll hurt, I can guarantee you that. To let go of somebody can scar the heart in the worst possible way...but only if you let it. But the sad fact is, it has to be done. Know that pain in this Dunya is worth it....every single prick you feel in this Prison is worth it just to get Jannah in the aakhirah.

Know that you're not the only one to have felt this way, know that only a week ago there was somebody else in your place, and with patience and perseverance you CAN get through this. You KNOW that Allah does not overburden any soul. You KNOW that in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest, So immerse yourself in His Dhikr, keep your heart and mind occupied in the remembrance of the one you KNOW loves you. Rather than in the remebrance of the one you know can never be yours.

You say he/she is related to you and that you see them often. Lower your gaze and keep outta their way, thats all I can say about that. I'm sorry.

May Allah give you strength and sabr. May He strengthen your Imaan. Thats all you need. No Fish in you life can beat the bond you have with Allah.

WassalamuAlaykum
:sl:

Again, this represents one of the best responses. You need to focus on what is important and keep in mind that time usually takes care of it. It is also important to realize that you love ith your mind not with oyur heart. Which means your mind gives you the power to reason. Therefore, you have some control over this.
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IbnAbdulHakim
07-18-2008, 04:42 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous
i dont know what i would do without you brothers and sisters...everyone has given so much good advice...thanks all of you so much...may all of you get paradise firdows....ameen ya rabb ameen
Ameen !!!!!!!
Reply

Tania
07-19-2008, 05:19 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Amat Allah
and about forgetting someone by seeing his faults...I don`t think that would be a good an Idea my dear sister Tania :smile:.....cause I think returnning to Allah and trying to be closer and closer to him is much better than wasting time in looking after the others faults and mistakes...and I think we should try our best to correct our mistakes too...and If I saw something bad from anyone whether I love this someone or not I should give him/ her my advices not getting away from them....got me my precious???....:smile:
Your advice is good and it was pushed to the limits by girls from rich or nobles families in the 17th century. The forced marriage ruled in Europe and the broken hearts had only one escape: became nuns.
Or asked to go to study far away from the family and the man in which they fell in love. She can't ask to go abroad to study :-[, she can't ask the relative never came in her house, she is forced to be there. In this case she could try to imagine how would be to be his wife, maybe that will help.

I know this love. I loved twice, 3 times until now and my first love was something like her. Never shared. The man in question had no clue at all. I carried on for almost 4 years until the man announced me: " you have to change the dentist because i am getting married and moving to Greece - the wife country ". My heart was alive from 6 to 6 months, waiting the week and day to can go to him, to see him. I turned my head in town to see if we are not bumping to each other. I was completely alone in my love. It was somewthing build only by me.
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highlander
07-19-2008, 08:59 AM
Tania, buna, scumpa, sad story, hope your next 2 loves of yours have better stories.

Cheers
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Tania
07-19-2008, 11:55 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by highlander
Tania, buna, scumpa, sad story, hope your next 2 loves of yours have better stories.

Cheers
I just wanted she to know are others too which were in the same situation of feelings.
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Eeman
07-19-2008, 01:28 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous
...when they were never really yours. you loved them SO MUCH... but u know you cannot be together... everytime you think of them your heart hurts...you see them every weekend because they are related to you...there isn't a hope in hell you can get together... :cry:

how to calm the heart down? how to stop it from hurting? practical advice please...
salam alaikum,

dear sister firstly i'd like to remind you one thing... no soul knows what will happen the next min let alone year two years etc, you say you know you cannot be together... how do u know? how can anyone know what Allah swt has planned for us?
im not saying this to give your heart some hope that maybe you two will be im only saying cos WE DO NOT KNOW! Only Allah swt knows.
so maybe you will be together Insha'Allah and if you dont then it is for a reason and that reason is that this guy is not good for you and that Allah swt has smething much better planned for you it will not seem so now cos that is how we humans operate during pain especially heartbreak, we get into despair and think our lives are over.
NO you need to remind yourself its not over, everything happens for a reason and it always happens for the best Allah swt never burdens a soul with more than it can bare believe you me, i am talking from experience, everytime i think that things will get better it just goes and gets worse again but somehow from somewhere inside me i get this strength that i thought i never had and you know something this too shall pass cos it always does.

healing of the heart, the heart is only healed by Allah swt, just like He brings pain to it only He can heal it. so by you thinking that maybe if you get married to this relative of yours and have him for the rest of your life your heart wont hurt no more, lol well sister im sorry but your wrong, your heart will still hurt even if you have him there by your side day in and day out, without remembrance of Allah swt how can any heart heal?

the Quran was sent as a mercy and healing to mankind so read it as much as you can, once i went to the masjid, to have an imam do ruqya on me cos i was so down, i bumped into a older muslim sister who adviced me to recite surah rahman, surah yasin and al fateha.

the Qur'an is a healer itself, it is always adviced to recite the Quran in a low voice loud enough so that yu can hear it yourself.

stay steadfast in prayer, salah is the purification of the soul.
make loads of dua but bare in mind that the duas of those who strive hard for Allah swt get answered faster, seek refuge in Allah swt from depression, despair, sadness, restlessness, anxiety and ask Him to heal your heart.

as regards your relative, avoid him as much as you can i know its hard but trust me its the easiest and better way, no need for you to be cold to him or horrible, just avoid him.

a times when you remember him and start to feel sad, get up do your wudu and pray 2 rakah nafl, then engage yourself reading the Qur'an or doing dhikr not only will you be engaged into doing something but it will be somethng that will give your heart peace, rest and make your imaan really strong Insha'Allah.

and i'd like to remind you one other thing, when i used to feel the way you do remember one thing remind yourself of people that have no food to eat, orphans with no clean water to drink, who die of fatique and hunger, what your experiencing is just heartbreak, instead of getting into despair thank Allah swt for everything He has bestowed upon you.

this life is nothing but a test, ask Allah to make you patient and steadfast, ask Him for strength and i promise you He will answer your duas Insha'Allah.
I pray He does, cos i've been there myself but you must know that this wont last forever but if you let it then it will, its in your hands who you turn to to heal your heart. The only way it will be healed is ny turningto Allah swt.

ma salama
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anonymous
07-19-2008, 05:54 PM
please close thread.may allah give you paradise firdows, ameen
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