How can I...

[AnonymousPoster]

sallamualaikum
Im just your avg Muslim trying to build up my knowledge and Eman . I understand that respecting parents is essential in Islam but how can you respect people you hate. I hate both of my parents due to their physical,mental,verbal abuse and abandonning me several times when I was younger.

They are good Muslims on the outside praying, wearing Islamic clothing but they are hypocrites and don't pray outside the masjid, take riba, backbite, disrespect eachother through namecalling and physical fighting infront of their own children.

They use the fact that I;m trying to be a better Muslim against me whenit comes to respecting them they say "Your going to hellfire for not listening to your parents", "Whats the point in praying your going to hell", "Why are you dressed in black and covering your going to hellfire". Im really sick of it and I hate them so much I dont know how I can respect them.
Everytime I try it lasts 3 days and they say or do something that I juts have to respond to. The happiest days in my life were when they wer enot talking to me for awhile I wish it continued.

My father got in a car crash the other day. he called home and my brother picked up the phone and then he (My brother) told me "Dad got in a car crash". I didnt feel anything sadness worry any feelings it was as if you reading something in the news and its just another person, I didnt even bother to ask whether or not he is alive, I really did not care..(he did end up survive though with no injuires).

There are many timesin my life where I have harmed myself when I was 11/12 and wanted to kill myself often after that and I could never tell them anything because they will throw it back in my face.

I dont know how I can respect people who hurt me so much

[TrueStranger]

:sl:

I remember reading a story where a girl reverted to Islam, and her parents weren’t that nice nor were they accepting parents. They favor their other two children over her, and they did almost everything to change her decision, but she was patient and stayed true to Allah. After her parents aged, both of her siblings left her parents never to really take care of them, and the girl that reverted to Islam was the only who came back to look after them. They were indeed regretful about their past actions and words.

So my friend I don’t have the best advice, nor I am of much help but if you are patient with them there will come a day when they will regret their words and actions. They will come to see their own errors in time.

Pray for them and be of those who are forgiving, and patient. Those are two hard things to do when one is hurt, but that is the challenging part and the most difficult part.

May Allah bestow upon you patience and perseverance.

:w:

[Brother_Mujahid]

the only thing you can really do is to keep strong to your faith. Try reading up the reverance the parents in islam, so even if they treat you badly say nasty things try remembering how highly they are respected and honoured in islam.

i think one of the most important things you must realise is that both your parents are still alive and you can still serve them and gain reward through doing so through patience.

Inshallah through your practicing islam and keeping firm you will come closer to your parents. Its something many reverts find happens even if initially they may be rejected and abandoned.

Know that after obeying Allah comes obeying your parents, it is actually quite a big sin to disrespect your parents. i know most of what i say may sound trivial and hard to practice or acknowledge but you MUST try and never give up.

your brother in islam

wasalam

[AnonymousPoster]

wow sorry ur going through all that, why don't you move out? if youcan fend for yourself, live alone, with their permission of course, its what I would do, though my parents are great, I am actually the problem.

anon2

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[sangeeta]

Yes agree with the earlier reply, work toward moving out.Forgive your parents they were probably not brought up much differently than the way they have been with you.Certain types of behaviour are really deeply ingrained.You at least can see the light and now you have to follow a sensible path that keeps yoou true to yourself.Ok maybe you may not want to move out,but it will be hard to try and change your parents ways.