Sides!!!

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

Ok well... my dad says something about my mom, something bad, or something that he accuses her of doing, something she didn't do, and tells me not to tell her. Then my mom asks me what he says about her, whats wrong with him acting all crazy with a temper, like she did something, that she doesn't know of, and she didn't do it, and what do I tell her? Should I tell her or should i not? Because i know she didn't do anything, and keeping her clueless is bad, and lying to her is also bad. But if i do tell her it usually ends up in a huge fight.
So right now i kept quiet so far, now my mom thinks my dad keeps telling me stuff that arent true (which is true). And she tells me to be good and be able to not be afraid of him like he's a king and he treats us like slaves, i should be able to stand up for myself and my mom, instead of keep quiet all the time and follow everything he says. and so i did, and now i'm pretty much DEAD. But i didn't say anything except tell him that she didn't do anything.
He thinks everyone is against him, everyone has a goal to get him and has some evil plan, nobody like him, etc etc. But its nowhere like that.
So what really IS the choice?
Is it good to "stand up" to my dad? In a polite way?
And is it haram to not tell my mom what my dad says about her? and what he accuses her of doing?

Jazakallah khair

[Tania]

You can't stay in "no-man land" :? I think thats the expression used for someone which doesn't take anyone side. Just listen both, may be your dad just want to talk and check up his thoughts - its very good what you know its not true, you said that to him; and talk with your mom too.

[ayan333]

:sl:

Ok well... my dad says something about my mom, something bad, or something that he accuses her of doing, something she didn't do, and tells me not to tell her. Then my mom asks me what he says about her, whats wrong with him acting all crazy with a temper, like she did something, that she doesn't know of, and she didn't do it, and what do I tell her? Should I tell her or should i not? Because i know she didn't do anything, and keeping her clueless is bad, and lying to her is also bad. But if i do tell her it usually ends up in a huge fight.
So right now i kept quiet so far, now my mom thinks my dad keeps telling me stuff that arent true (which is true). And she tells me to be good and be able to not be afraid of him like he's a king and he treats us like slaves, i should be able to stand up for myself and my mom, instead of keep quiet all the time and follow everything he says. and so i did, and now i'm pretty much DEAD. But i didn't say anything except tell him that she didn't do anything.
He thinks everyone is against him, everyone has a goal to get him and has some evil plan, nobody like him, etc etc. But its nowhere like that.
So what really IS the choice?
Is it good to "stand up" to my dad? In a polite way?
And is it haram to not tell my mom what my dad says about her? and what he accuses her of doing?

Jazakallah khair

:sl:

ouch.....sounds crazy,i wouldnt be able to give you any tips.i never experinced this with my parents thank ALLAH (SWA).....u must feel bad,stuck in the midle..i hope it stops soon Insh ALLAH

:w:

[AnonymousPoster]

Dad my mum have fights somtimes, my dad accused my mum of things she never did. my blood was boiling and i stood up for my mum. I dont care I will always stand up for my mum...till i die, nothing is going make my mum feal bad, even though i make her feal upset nothing is coming between my mum.....so i stand up 4 my mum.....but i think its best you stay out there fights, but i cant stand back

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[AnonymousPoster]

omg the same thing with my dad, he thinks every1 against him and yes he has a big temper problem and i always stand up 4 my mum eveyrtime until the day i die

[Eeman]

salam alaikum,

you need to talk to an elder member of the family who both your mum and dad have enough respect for to listen to them and their advice you tell them exactly whats happening and then you just step out...
this should never happen your dad and your mum need to both grow up and sort their problems and differences out amicablywithout getting you guys involved, it seems tht they have a huge communication problem.

dont mind me asking but does your dad take any form of drugs like smoke weed or something, cos i have had distant relations with the same problem many of them when the husband has been acting like that and its always due to paranoia which has been the result of them smoking so much dope that they somehow somewhere in their deluded mind think that the wife is always doing things and always get the kids involved and start backbiting to their own kids about their mothers which is so sad.

firstly suspicion it itself is a sin, if you have not seen anything with your own eyes then there's no need to start accusing people of all sorts, just cos your paranoid, its all the whispers of the rejected shaytaan and your dad absorbs it all and keeps brewing it in his head. your dad needs to be reminded that Allah swt will always bring the truth out the truth ALWAYS prevails therefore your dad should have enough faith in his heart for Allah and put all his trust in the Almighty Lord.
so instead of going around accusing your mum and b.i.tching behind her back if he has these doubts and thinks certain bthings then he needs to ask Allah to bring forth the truth and its between him and your mum and thats where it should remain.

these are all signs of weak imaan your dad really needs to focus more on his ife and the rason for his existence rather than whether your mum did something or not... and in reality what he needs to realise that say God forbid your mum did do the thing that he is so sure about her doing then there is a God up there and He is the most Just God, so yur dad should learn to just leave it to God and Insha'Allah Allah swt will help him in all his affairs.

[AnonymousPoster]

No there IS nobody elder than them that they would respect. Its just us, and only us, nobody to talk to nobody to do anything.

And no he doesn't take drugs or anything...though i wouldn't be surprised if he did!

I always stand up for my mom no matter what, and my dad sits there teachin us bad stuff about her, which makes us hate HIM more :mad:

[arabianprincess]

just pray el estekhara n he will guide you ............ ask him n he will help u out. u do know how to pray estekhara rite i hope so................ n i really dont know for the first time ..................... but all i can say stand up for the truth no matter which side. for only the truth would take u to the right path.

[Tania]

Try to give him more appreciation. To feel he is more valuable. May be he feels in his own family, he is not really the "man of the house", everyone keep at mom, so from here can appear the source of his anger too. Change the tactics and when he talk about your mom, gentle change the subject for something what he really likes. Each day make you time to talk with him. Find your own subjects to discuss with him.