What is going on??

[anonymous]

:sl: all,
Our family has been experiencing a problem recently, one that really worries me. My younger sister, about 15 years old, has been troubled. Recently, something happened between her and my friend, something not as bad as Zina, but it could have led to it. She correctly pushed him away, and scolded him later, but as they talked, she sort of became flattered. So, while she was reprimanding him, for some reason she thought she wants to marry him. My father wants him to approach her through his parents, properly, but she wants a person to talk to right now. I am her 17 year old brother, and I have never felt such a need for a person of the opposite gender. And now, because of her, my parents are seperating. What can I do?

[IB-Staff]

Thread Approved.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

wa alaikum ussalaam

why on earth are your parents considering seperation? its surely not because of this common case with your sister.

As for your sister, tell her to cross-examine this boy with the character that a beautiful muslim following the model of Muhammad sallallahi alaihi wasallaam would have! Im pretty sure he wouldnt meet it seeing as she had to push him away :|


she should really get her head out of the clouds n think clearly... IF this boy is of good muslim character then Allahu A'lam



Make Istikharah !

[Eeman]

Dear sister salam alaikum wa rahamatullahi wa barakatuh,

i am somewhat confused as to what you have written, so your sister had an unacceptable encounter with a friend of yours and now wants to marry the guy?
your parents are separating due to this and you have started the feel the need for male brother in your life? am i right?

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[anonymous]

^^^
Lol no, I am a brother, and I am stating that I have never felt a need for a wife yet, and I am 17, while she, for some reason needs someone at 15. The rest is right

[S_87]

He most probably doesnt want to marry her though she may want to and think he does. Shes 15..hes 15? and at that age (well not only that age, all ages) theres a lot of temptation and she will have been swayed by his sweet talk. you may have read those jokes about how a man speaks to a woman and she thinks he wants to marry her. Theres some truth in those jokes, a woman can easily be flattered.
Are you sure your parents are separating because of her? There must be more to it than that.

[crayon]

-I doubt your parents are separating simply because of this incident, it's probably just what triggered it. Perhaps things have been on the rocks for a while now and this just made it all to much to bear? Wa allahu a'lam.
-I don't think your sister is thinking straight (no offense of course) or clear enough to make a decision this big right now. She's probably just been swept off her feet and thinks if only she gets married it will be perfect, etc.
-If this dude did whatever it was he did with your sister, who's to say he wouldn't/hasn't done it before with someone else?
-You and your sister are different people and different genders, you think and feel differently. In general, from my experience, I'm pretty sure girls think waaaaaay more about marriage than guys do. We're more emotional whereas guys are more physical, so we'd be thinking all about the perfect wedding, the perfect guy, etc. So if she feels the need for a partner earlier than you do, it's completely normal, methinks.

[coddles76]

:sl: all,
Our family has been experiencing a problem recently, one that really worries me. My younger sister, about 15 years old, has been troubled. Recently, something happened between her and my friend, something not as bad as Zina, but it could have led to it. She correctly pushed him away, and scolded him later, but as they talked, she sort of became flattered. So, while she was reprimanding him, for some reason she thought she wants to marry him. My father wants him to approach her through his parents, properly, but she wants a person to talk to right now. I am her 17 year old brother, and I have never felt such a need for a person of the opposite gender. And now, because of her, my parents are seperating. What can I do?

First of all its very noble of you to try to seek advice and help your sister, It shows you care and may Allah SWT help you with the best advice to inshAllah contribute to a solution.
I guess what you sister needs is some motherly advice, She needs someone that she can trust to advise her and want the best for her. At 15 Years of age her total mental development is still building and although she may be quite intelligent her full judgements in certain affairs are still lacking.
Maybe my best advice is to ask a local trusted learned man.
May Allah SWT resolve the issue for you and your family in the best possible manner and keep you all strong together.

[Eeman]

^^^
Lol no, I am a brother, and I am stating that I have never felt a need for a wife yet, and I am 17, while she, for some reason needs someone at 15. The rest is right

salam alaikum brother :statisfie forgive me for thinking you were a sister lol.

ok firstly, regards your parents, i seriouslt think personally that there is another underlying issue for the decision that your parents have taken to be separated, it may be that they have been going through rough times for some time and this recent incident with your sister has been the last traw and has triggered the final decision that they have come to to separate.

now as a young adult it is hard to try and talk to your parents and ask them what is the real reason and why they have decided to go ahead with the separation cos they will always try to protect you from it and will never sit down and talk to you to the full extent and what the real reason is until they feel comfortable enough i mean unfortunately in some cases the parents never do, and it is not cos they are doing it intentionally to decieve you but with the intention to protect you and then later on in life the child eventually finds out the truth.

so in order for youto really get down to the bottom of this i suggest you go to a very dear and lose friend or family member of your family who your parents trust and respect, be very careful with you go to cos problems at home should be only discussed with trustworthy people that can help cos the last thing you want is your family issues being the lastest talk of the community and the lastest news in everyone's mouths. tell this person about the decision that your parents have taken and get them to sit down and talk to your parents to try and come to a solution.

cos in all honesty if your sister is the real reason that your parents are separating then im sorry to say brother and forgive me for this but it is a very childish and silly decision that they are making. cos this is the most vital and important time that your parents need to work with each other and being you together as a family to help your sister and come to a solution where she is made to realise that what she is doing is plain and simply wrong, even if she wants to get married out of fear of what she has done and thinks that by making things halal with this guy that it will be ok, then she is still wrong, the incident happend, the sin took place the damage has been done, he was not married to her then for it to have been lawful for them both to do such things. the only way she can rectify the problem is to turn to Allah swt and ask for forgiveness and repent and make sure that she never commits such an act ever again, but on the other hand if she has feelings for this brother and thinks that she is in love with him then she needs to be made to realise in the most effective way (not through force or mean ways) that it is not love but simlply infatuation!!!

she is wayyyyyyyyyyy too young (ok islamically no she is not and from a islamic perspective its not wrong for her to get married) but lets kind of use our own logic and be realistic here the marriage has very few chances of working out and succeeding.

now as reagrds your sister, you kind of need to tell us a little more about her sitaution, we know that she is only 15 she is a kid still, is she practising? or not so in tune with the islamic way of life.
now has she come to the decision or made her mind about marrying this brother who is your friend out of fear for what she has done and to be a good muslim or cos she has feelings for him and thinks that she is ready to be married??? cos these are two very different situations and can be advised differently.