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Eeman
07-26-2008, 11:37 AM


What do you do when you have been praying for this one thing this one thing in each and every dua that you have made, each and every day for the past year and the opposite of what you had prayed for happens?

what do you do when you are put in situation where you have no control over anything and Allah swt has given full control to the other person and all He has left in your possession is dua and you make all the dua that you can possibly make and hold onto every bit of patience you can possibly find and make more dua to the Almighty and ask Him for patience and you hold onto everything and anything you can find within you to keep you going and holding on?

what do you do when you have given your all to this one person and in return it has been just slapped back right across your face?

what do you say to the one that swears by Allah and the Quran and yet lies to you and looks right into your eyes and you know he is lying but yet has no remorse and carries on doing it?

how can you forgive the one that makes so many promises and never fulfills not even one promise?

how can you forgive the one that builds so many dreams before your eyes and within your heart then goes and does the same thing over and over and over again shattering each and every dream into tiny bits and pieces?

what do you say to the one that wrongs himself but yet always points the finger at you all the time?

how do you trust someone when all they do is betray your trust?

how do you calm his anger when he gets more furious when you hold your peace?

how do you stand your ground and walk away when each and every time he comes back he begs you like a beggar and all for te sake of Allah?

how do you get rid of that hope in your heart that maybe he'll change maybe my duas will be answered?

what more do you do to make them feel secure after sacrificing everything in your life, your friends, your independence, your life, your liberty and yourself just for the sake for their happiness?

How can you still carry on giving to the one that gives you nothing but pain and lets you down?

How can someone claim to pray 5 times a day and realise the existance of God yet still do these things?

How long do you bare with it? how long should you be patient for?

what do you do when they neither give you your basic rights as a wife nor set you free?

what do you do when a promised 2 weeks turns into a year and in the end of it all after holding on for so long out of hope you have nothing else to hold onto you want to walk and never look back but doubt creeps into mind and makes you think, what if you wasn't patient, enough, what if you didnt give it more than you should have, what if you wasnt understanding enough?


how long does one have to be patient? is Allah swt going to hold m for account for not sitting and waiting for the rest of my life for him to change

what do you do when your heart hurts so much that you can feel the physical pain in your chest, you feel each and every bit of it shattered into pieces but dont know where to start, which piece do you pick and recollect first?

how do you even begin with wiping out the memories out of your mind and heart when they were the biggest part of your life?

How do you live each and everyday when there is not a single thing that you do, see or hear that reminds you of them?

Where do you get the strength from to get up and learn how to walk again?

what do you do when you have been so wronged and hurt and all you want is justice but that justice never seems to come your way?

why is it that everytime you see a way out and think that this is what you have been waiting for and Allah swt's help is here you realise you are mistaken?

where do you get the strength from for the first time in your life to dub out that hope in your heart that maybe just maybe all your efforts will pay off and just get up and leave and never turn around to even take a second glance and walk out of that door and set yourself free knowing that this time its not permissable by His swt's laws for that door to be opened again?


to be continued... :cry::cry::cry:

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IbnAbdulHakim
07-26-2008, 02:12 PM
what do i do?


ukhtee honestly..

all i would do is think this is what Allahs wanted, i feel bad about making dua' opposite to Allahs hukum (will) and then i'll alter myself to fit Allahs will and my destiny.


accept qadr... be happy

smile :) cause whoever accepts qadr good and bad... will ALWAYS be happy :D
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Sahabiyaat
07-26-2008, 02:41 PM
:sl:

Im so sorry hun


ur the perfect wife, and ur other half is full of crap....in other words.

I no its hard,but you need to make a descion.stay and wait and be patient (which is what Allah would like you to do).use the advice of the quran. get members from ur family and his to negotiate the problems between u.


Or else give up and walk away from the man that hasnt ever understood ur feelings, and dont look back.ever.

Allah has provided you with both paths.ur husband is using u like a door mat. He knows u love him, and hes using that to his full advantage.

do u have children? how long have u been married?
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Eeman
07-26-2008, 03:00 PM
Originally Posted by Sahabiyaat
:sl:

Im so sorry hun


ur the perfect wife, and ur other half is full of crap....in other words.

I no its hard,but you need to make a descion.stay and wait and be patient (which is what Allah would like you to do).use the advice of the quran. get members from ur family and his to negotiate the problems between u.


Or else give up and walk away from the man that hasnt ever understood ur feelings, and dont look back.ever.

Allah has provided you with both paths.ur husband is using u like a door mat. He knows u love him, and hes using that to his full advantage.

do u have children? how long have u been married?
salam alaikum sister,

how long do you wait for? sis 2 weeks has turned into a year, we are married i live at home with at my parent's house, he neither gives me my basic rights which is something that you automatically gain as you get married nor gives me my talaaq, actually he has already given me talaaq once, then claimed how his family had done it without his knowledge, so we reconciled, then the second time the same thing, which was less than six months ago he used to just send me my talaaq namahs to my house wthout my knowledge of anything whatsoever, so i used to recieve this letters and my whole world would fall apart, then after the second time he did the same, begged and begged for days everything became for the sake of Allah, in everything it was Allah swt's name. and now its when i can no longer mentally or physically go on and i want one way or another, i have even come to terms to accept talaaq if he is not capable of being a husband to me and giving me my basic rights but he wont even do that cos thistime he knows that it wont be halal for us no more to reconcile. :) khair Allah swt sees all, hears all and knows all.

family???
his family dont even talk to me or him, my family?
when he calls my house he doesnt even have the decency to say salam alaikum to my mum on the phone.
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Sahabiyaat
07-26-2008, 03:11 PM
:cry: im so sorry

thats just terrible, hes given u talaaq twice in the space of what ....did u mean 1 yr uve been married !!!! :eek:

give sum more details darling, u sed u live with ur parents? why? and why doesnt he get on with his parents, for a man who cant handle his own parents, hes not realli gna be treating u like a princess!
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Brother_Mujahid
07-26-2008, 03:30 PM
just finished reading through the thread... all i have to say is:

Theres only so much you can do and accept in return, i don't think you should drag and work hard to keep your marriage..

sis save your self the hassle and worry, and get a khulah

i'm sorry for being direct but i don't really have much time to give a few words of encouragement. I know your going through hard times but let him go and try rebuilding from scratch. Its not like you can't remarry, niether does it say in your marriage contract 'till death does us apart'

May Allah fix your affairs. Ameen
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Eeman
07-26-2008, 03:33 PM
he obviously does not live at home, i mean he is too old to be living at home,
he's parents dnt talk to him co of the things he has done in the past and the last straw was when he married me cos they were dead against it.

see we are from 2 different cities, so after marriage i tried moving to the city he lives in but it was impossible, i was not allowed to be seen anywhere in case people saw me and caused problems for him, his family is quite evil! they have done many things that you wouldnt even believe of.

so i was basically to be house arrested and only allowed to go to the shops behind our place to get food and the superstore.

this caused a lot of problems between us cos it was not right and i never understand why he just wouldnt move to the city where we lived in where things would be so much better. but at 1st the arguments got worse then to the point where he kicked me out took my keys and sent me home to my mums and promised me that within 2 weeks he'll sort the problem out and move to where i live and we'll start our lives there. its been a year now, everyday he literally buys days of me, he has used every excuse you could imagine there are no more excuses left.

and im tired im really tired, now its come to the point whre i am not allowed to go to see him and he just cant be asked to come and see me, unless he wants to see me, whenever he wants always what he wants, he sees me for a day since im not allowed to stay for too long cos his loser friends come round and if his family finds out then trouble will start again, cos he is trying to patch things up with them.

yeh, thats what marriage to me is from what i've experienced, when i see my sisters Masha'Allah may Allah swt always protect their homes, it breaks my heart not in a envious way but in awe, cos thats what i want.
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Brother_Mujahid
07-26-2008, 03:38 PM
Originally Posted by Eeman

yeh, thats what marriage to me is from what i've experienced, when i see my sisters Masha'Allah may Allah swt always protect their homes, it breaks my heart not in a envious way but in awe, cos thats what i want.
And you shall get inshallah
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Eeman
07-26-2008, 03:42 PM
Originally Posted by Brother_Mujahid
And you shall get inshallah
jazak'Allah khai brother, for being a marriag thread hater on top as well may Allah swt multiply your rewards in adundance and you too sis.
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truemuslim
07-27-2008, 05:04 AM
oh my gosh, is this marrage? subhanallah.
same here wit my mom, but she been married for 18 yrs, i dont kno how she deals with it.
But Allah has helped her MANY MANY times, like with proposals and all, allah makes something happen to make them decline the proposal, then later on we find out something very bad about that person. SubhanAllah.
So sis either be patient, or get talaaq, but remember allah, always. :)

aw mashallah sis eeman your really really strong sis, mashallah. i woulda given up by now. hehe. im a weak faithless person.
Mashallah sis may allah grant you jannatul firdous with your children and family inshallah, and until then, may allah make it easy for you and your children in this world full of evil, and prevent from you and your children and family from all kinds of evil and haram in this world...:statisfie:statisfie
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Eeman
07-27-2008, 05:16 AM
I asked for my talaaq yesterday and he turned around and said that he has made up his mind and we cannot be cos things have just really turned sour since for the past month i have not been that loving and accepting wife that lets go of everything and doesnt even question him when he screws up or bring it up, and when i asked for my talaaq he told me that since i am so strong now to go and get it myself, cos apparently he took an oath and swore by Allah that he would never give me talaaq so i have to go and do it myself, LOL what do you say to a person like that???????

the amount of oaths he has taken and broken Wallah you cannot imagine, the amount of lies he has told whilst swearing and taking oaths by the Almighty Lord that he is telling the truth, you seriously will not believe and its just left me speechless about this whole thing all day, i still cannot get over it.

i just really do fail to understand why people are so deluded!!!
i mean what is it do they forget that there is a God up there always watching or do they pick out and leave bits and pieces and apply religion or remember God when it only benefits them?

i have seriously come to the conclusion today that my husband is pyschologically ill and needs some serious help! the thought had crossed my mind many times and i had suggested help to him but he is simply in denial about everything when it comes to him.

so i guess now its time for me to pick myself right up Insha'Allah and gather the pieces put them together and ask Allah swt for strength then get up and leave for good and this time round no begging nor anything can be done to take him back even for Allah swt's sake.

you know i never really understood the whole giving talaaq and reconcling and then again and reconciling and then third time not being able to reconcile unless the woman gets married to another man and on the basis that she then gets talaaq from her atter husband would it be lawful to her to go to her former husband never made sense to me...

But Subhan'Allah i guess when Allah swt creates people like my husband who thinks that marriage is a absolute joke and go as far as to making an absolute mockery out of the whole institute of marriage then it makes you smile when you realise that Allah swt's laws protects you from people like that. :o)
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truemuslim
07-27-2008, 05:21 AM
lol sis i think your husband is like my dad.
you need to get used to the swearing oaths things. when my BROTHERS do something my dad says "wallah, haram wa talaaq , if you dont do bla bla bla, im gonna divorce you mum!" lol and they dont care because they used to the lies, and there...nothing happens ...just another lie.
subhanallah how horrible men can be :p
but wow he has some illness? well inshallah you can get him all fixed up and inshallah some miracle happens by ALLAH and you all discover he is really a saint muslim who is very nice to you and your family and is full of kindness and politeness and all that...

god imagine a dad like that :) ---emm em i mean imagine a husband like that :D
May allah help you sis !
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Eeman
07-27-2008, 05:21 AM
Originally Posted by truemuslim
oh my gosh, is this marrage? subhanallah.
same here wit my mom, but she been married for 18 yrs, i dont kno how she deals with it.
But Allah has helped her MANY MANY times, like with proposals and all, allah makes something happen to make them decline the proposal, then later on we find out something very bad about that person. SubhanAllah.
So sis either be patient, or get talaaq, but remember allah, always. :)

aw mashallah sis eeman your really really strong sis, mashallah. i woulda given up by now. hehe. im a weak faithless person.
Mashallah sis may allah grant you jannatul firdous with your children and family inshallah, and until then, may allah make it easy for you and your children in this world full of evil, and prevent from you and your children and family from all kinds of evil and haram in this world...:statisfie:statisfie
Jazak'Allah khair for your duas and same dua to you sis Insha'Allah and your mum i pray that Insha'Allah Allah swt makes every affair of hers easy for her and helps her out each and every step of the way and i pray that your dad recovers fully Insha'Allah soon and is a better and changed man with better health and imaan.
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Eeman
07-27-2008, 05:30 AM
Originally Posted by truemuslim
lol sis i think your husband is like my dad.
you need to get used to the swearing oaths things. when my BROTHERS do something my dad says "wallah, haram wa talaaq , if you dont do bla bla bla, im gonna divorce you mum!" lol and they dont care because they used to the lies, and there...nothing happens ...just another lie.
subhanallah how horrible men can be :p
but wow he has some illness? well inshallah you can get him all fixed up and inshallah some miracle happens by ALLAH and you all discover he is really a saint muslim who is very nice to you and your family and is full of kindness and politeness and all that...

god imagine a dad like that :) ---emm em i mean imagine a husband like that :D
May allah help you sis !
sis i know where your coming from i have a sister thats been married 17 years, when i read your post about your dad her and her husband came to mind, i always lend my ear and shoulder to her and her oldest daughter and it breaks my heart when i hear how they feel and the stories, but Alhumdullilah she has a lot of patience I pray that Allah swt bestows people like them and what they go through with jannatul firduas Insha'Allah, cos marriage is a big part of life and it can either make your life in this dunya blissfl or absolute hell.
But its all a test, and Insha'Allah they will pass this test.

unfortunately its very common amongst muslim men many muslim by name.
so lets just pray that Insha'Allah Allah swt has written a nice practsing and sincere, loving, respectful, merciful, understanding, an righteous spouse for you Insha'Allah and has saves you from going through such marital hardships that we have experienced!
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S_87
07-27-2008, 12:14 PM
he sounds like a person you cant depend on nor trust. May Allah make it easy for you sister.

Can you go to your local masjid to see the imam and ask him to intervene and get you the kulah since it seems like your husband is going to find every excuse not to divorce you?
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Ayesha Rana
07-27-2008, 12:47 PM
Firstly u have to know that there are millions of people out there who are worse of than you so don't feel to lost. and another thing, i hate to tell you that divorce is a good option but consider the outcomes if you don't seperate with this person... What will it do to your health? your Iman? It can either break you, or make you into a stronger person. But it won't be easy. Everyone is trialed in this life and if you get through with patience Allah will reward you so much that you will wish you had born twice as much and never even sighed about it. then think, if you live with this man and have his children you will be bound to him. He will have a hold over you and the children, it will be much more difficult to seperate and your kids will suffer what he has suffered. he sounds like he's from a messed up family and has psycological disorders...you don't want him to disturb ur children's minds. and also even if his family were against him maryying you, he should have either, not married you or married you and taken the responsibility with it. Actions make a male a Man. He shouldn't cower with fear of people. only Allah is worthy of being afraid of. and same for you sis, don't fear him, he can't do anything to u except give you the oportunity to raise ur status in Jannah insha'Allah.

Don't put urself through pain for someone who from the start proves he is not worthy of taking on the responsibility of marriage.

Do istikhara and do what you think is best and Insha'Allah ALlah will not forsake you beacuse He is with those who are patient.
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Eeman
07-27-2008, 02:23 PM
Originally Posted by Ayesha Rana
Firstly u have to know that there are millions of people out there who are worse of than you so don't feel to lost. and another thing, i hate to tell you that divorce is a good option but consider the outcomes if you don't seperate with this person... What will it do to your health? your Iman? It can either break you, or make you into a stronger person. But it won't be easy. Everyone is trialed in this life and if you get through with patience Allah will reward you so much that you will wish you had born twice as much and never even sighed about it. then think, if you live with this man and have his children you will be bound to him. He will have a hold over you and the children, it will be much more difficult to seperate and your kids will suffer what he has suffered. he sounds like he's from a messed up family and has psycological disorders...you don't want him to disturb ur children's minds. and also even if his family were against him maryying you, he should have either, not married you or married you and taken the responsibility with it. Actions make a male a Man. He shouldn't cower with fear of people. only Allah is worthy of being afraid of. and same for you sis, don't fear him, he can't do anything to u except give you the oportunity to raise ur status in Jannah insha'Allah.

Don't put urself through pain for someone who from the start proves he is not worthy of taking on the responsibility of marriage.

Do istikhara and do what you think is best and Insha'Allah ALlah will not forsake you beacuse He is with those who are patient.
yessis your absolutely right that i know and i am not afriad of him one bit Allah swt is my witness to that, i just want him out of my life now, in fact i really am starting to despise him i know its not a good thing but for someone who does even half the things he does it will only make people wonder why am i still with him, but still to me marriage was something that i wanted and i had the thinking that i will stick through it through thick nd thin and make it work, it takes two in a marriage to make it work but only one to destroy it and i guess i waited so long to just so that i could walk out lf it holdingmy head up high knowing that i gave it my all but still it want me that failed it was him.

he always used to tell me that i used to try too hard put too much effort in lol! well i guess i nevr just tried but tried too hard and that in itself is something that i makes me proud of myself, not in a snobby way but just knowing that i really did give it my all and the fact that it still didnt pay off is not up to me its up to Allah swt, and Insha'Allah my rewards for it all will be with Him cos many of it was done for His sake.

i've already spoken to the imam in our local masjid but he sounds more clueless than i am, so i think i should go to a bigger masjid and ask for an imam there i really want to avoid the shariah council cos i have heard that their process is too long and too much of a headache, now i just want this to be over and done with and put it in my past Insha'Allah and just focus on myself and how to start living a normal life again, learn to take baby steps in making my life normal again, get out of the house bring routine in my life, get back into work, make new friends and be able to have my liberty back and breath. Insha'Allah.

I already prayed istikhara sis like about a month or so back and that night i had a dream that he was unfaithful to me with another woman and in the dream i was catching him out, now i asked a few scholars online but unfortunately no reply from them yet. so i dont know howto interpret that dream whether to take it literal or in another way im not really good with dreams but anyhow i've already asked Allah swt for guidance now its all a matter of seeing where He leads me Insha'Allah.
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Brother_Mujahid
07-27-2008, 03:57 PM
what about your own family and parents what do they make of the whole situation? are they supportive of you?
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Sahabiyaat
07-27-2008, 05:01 PM
Originally Posted by Eeman
I already prayed istikhara sis like about a month or so back and that night i had a dream that he was unfaithful to me with another woman and in the dream i was catching him out.
:sl:

Im not going to put any thoughts into ur head but seeing that he only sees you once in while, its a bit suspicious.Most men of that nature cannot live without a 'female presence' so to speak, therefore hes getting his 'companionship' from somewhere else.....and ur dream may just be and indication towards that.

Ive heard of cases like this before, where men live in different cities, for long periods of tym, away from their wives who are so naieve in thinking that theres nothing dodgy about that.

It would be wise not to confront him about ur istikhara dream, after all, its only suspicion isnt it.

But do speak to someone about getting a Khulla, and if this guys violent or anything, it would be wise not to tell him, he might try stopping u ...lol i know i sould like a drama queen but im thinking of the worst scenario.
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Eeman
07-27-2008, 05:24 PM
Originally Posted by Brother_Mujahid
what about your own family and parents what do they make of the whole situation? are they supportive of you?
my family from the start was dead against me marrying him cos he is of a pakistani background not cos they are racist but cos they knew it would be difficult since he's family were so mean and horrible and used to always go out of ther way to humiliate me, throughout everything mymum has suffered the most through this it's caused her a lot of stress, although she tells me that for my own future its best if i get my talaaq, i can see and sense that at the same time she wants it to work and for him to be man enough to take care of his responsibilities and to fulfill all the promises that he made to her.

no one trusts him whatsoever i mean its hard for me to trust him myself i have fought so much for him, but there's just nothing left there to fight no more.

to this day i get suitors asking about me through family and my mum's face almost shines i guess it brings hope in her, they want me to leave him and move on. good thing is Alhumdullilah that we dont have any children so it makes things that much easier.

i'm not hurt of in despair for being hardbroken or for it not working out or anything like that now i have come to accept it that its jus not meant to be but what hurts me and really gets to me is remembering every single thing that i did for him in the past 3 years that breaks my heart but now i guess im at the stage where i need to accept that doing something for someone you shouldnt expect anything i return from them you should firmly believe that your reward Insha'Allah is with Allah swt.

sis when i got the dream interpreted dreaming of your husband or partner being unfaithful to you is always the opposite.
but Allah swt knows the truthand if that is the case then my husband will get whats due to him in proportion, the most important thng to me is that i have been a faithful and devout wife and have done nothing that i should be ashamed of let alone thought about it.

its ome to the point where when he lies to me now it doesnt even hurtor bother me cos the way my thinking goes now is that, your not wronging me with your lies, your only wronging yourself, so before i used to get angry cos he has ied to me whereas now i get sad and angry cos he is lying and wronging himself, i have tried so much to steer him in the way of religion and Masha'Allah he even started praying but prayers is not enough to make you a muslim a believer, you have to imply the whole teachings of islam in your life.

i always used to say to him that by you praying namaz be it 100 times, is it really going to get accepted even though you lie and commit so many other sins? but whats the use its like talking to a brick wall khair i pray that Insha'Allah Allah swt truly guides him and changes him for the better and makes him a righteous slave of His for his own sake and salvation even if im not in his life.
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Sahabiyaat
07-27-2008, 05:31 PM
:sl:

:) see how wonderful you are emaan, ur still making Dua for him, ur following the Prophet, who even made dua for those who wronged him!

and we also pray that Allah may guide him.Ameen!

and wow, ur getting marriga proposals even tho ur married, what r u waiting for???? get out of there, lol actually, think well before u make another descion about marriage!!, and take into account the advice of ur parents this tym!
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Eeman
07-27-2008, 05:44 PM
Originally Posted by Sahabiyaat
:sl:

:) see how wonderful you are emaan, ur still making Dua for him, ur following the Prophet, who even made dua for those who wronged him!

and we also pray that Allah may guide him.Ameen!

and wow, ur getting marriga proposals even tho ur married, what r u waiting for???? get out of there, lol actually, think well before u make another descion about marriage!!, and take into account the advice of ur parents this tym!
:statisfie:statisfie i know its weird but its cos most of them are from abroad and think that i am just engaged which in itself is still wrong.
but that is the last thing on my mind!!!!

if it is written for me then Insha'Allah it'll be im still young i'm only 23 so no rush and think that this time in a few years if its meant to be i'll let my mum choose just to bring peace in her heart :statisfie

dear sis, i cant hate him you cant hate anyone that wrongs you, cos it wont change nor make the situation better they have done what they have done leave it in the past, you cant go back in time and change things just move on, and holding grudges is something that only harms you inside yourself, it erodes your heart and makes you a bitter miserable person, ive been through that phase too, but it only caused me more harm. i learned to let ago of everything and accept everything and let go of the grudges and hate and now i feel so much better.
its been such a beautiful learning curve for me Alhumdullilah...
i went through hell and back but Masha'Allah its taught me so much.
its made me understand life more and why things happen the way they do.

yes its been heartbreaking and has shattered me but Alhumdullilah still i am were i am a stronger and better person, so even the bad things tha happen in life happen for a good reason and you get much more good out of it than bad i guess but that soley depends on you and how much trust you put in Him.

its a beautiful hot day today and we're having a BBQ so i'm going to go and get ready and spend some time with my family Insha'Allah.... wish i could zap you guys some kebabs online lol.

Insha'Allah i'll be back online later.

Just before i go i just want to say thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart, just coming here and talking to you guys even though our absolute strangers is the most heart warming feeling ever. i cant and dont even talk to my family this way cos i dont want to upset them but i honestly pray that Allah swt bestows you all a place in jannatul firduas for your beautiful hearts and souls and purifies you and your hearts to the max and increases you each and everyday in piety.
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Eeman
07-28-2008, 11:34 PM
So after having my phone off all weekend switched it on today to get some numbers that i needed and i had a text message from him saying that its very important call me, i called and asked what was wrong and he was acting as though nothing had happened and everything was fine LOL!!!
AMAZING.., Subhan'Allah some people do leave me speechless.
he even asked me why i havent called him all weekend!!! :o$
thats when i realised that hank his imaginery brother had gone and my the person i had fallen in love with was back, it took me less than a minute of reminding him then hank was back again lol.
anyhow i think i managed to get the message really across today in the best manner i could i even told him that if he were to this vey minute give me everything that he had promised to even fulfill and rebuild and live every dream that he had shattered i would still walk out that door without even glancing back.

so then he promised me to give me talaaq and 2mins later changed his mind.
so looks like i have to go through all that headache but i just pray that its just over and done with asap Insha'Allah.
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Cabdullahi
07-28-2008, 11:59 PM
What the heck?, why does the brother think this relationship is like a video game, breaking up rules,just mocking around and saying talaq here and talaq there? i think its time for the sister to pull the plug and call it game over.
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Eeman
07-29-2008, 12:13 AM
Originally Posted by Ahmedjunior
What the heck?, why does the brother think this relationship is like a video game, breaking up rules,just mocking around and saying talaq here and talaq there? i think its time for the sister to pull the plug and call it game over.
salams bro,

ok i must be very honest with you guys, i have edited my story not as in changed it but have been very selective with what i have told you guys about him and the things that he has done, cos i dont think its nice to mention the other things and sit here bringing out a person to that extent.
But Allah swt knows all Alhumdullilah.

i actually took an oath today that i would never let him step foot in my life and after this talaaq he cant anyhow Alhumdullilah so that makes things so much eaiser, but Wallah my heart shattered into bits and pieces today i really dont know whats wrong with me!!!!
I dont know why Allah swt does this to me, when i was talking to him he was crying on the other side of the phone and although its something common that he does when he knows that this time he has really screwed up but still my heart broke into pieces and i felt like the most evil person ever.

Allah swt is my witness and i swear by Him that i was speaking to him in such a kind manner and was just trying to explain life and giving him advice and making dua for him at the same time, but still it hurts so much just knowing that i made him shed a tear, then i reminded myself the rivers i've cried thanks to him and in return he has showed no remorse and turned his back and walked of and left me there stranded, but still hurting someone else is something else.

i know deep down inside that it is all done for him to get attention and sympathy but just the doubt in my heart that maybe just maybe its not that maybe he is hurt but then what do i do?

im not the one thats hurt him we are where we are all due to his actions what can i do????????

are these doubts whispers of the shaytaan or are they feelings cos i love him so dearly or is it Allah swt trying to tell me something?
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Ansariyah
07-29-2008, 07:04 PM
Eeman MashaAllah ukth I admire ur strength n how u cope with ur hardship.
I am completely speechless, I am sorry that u are going through so much right now, but pls dont forget that Allah himself said in the Quraan: Fa inna ma al usri yusra-inna ma al usri yusra: ,"-(verily with every hardship comes relief,with every hardship come relief).
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Lonely Gal
07-30-2008, 08:08 AM
Sis stay strong, continue with the duas, you will be rewarded in the end. I know how you feel about talaaq etc and you wanting to giv it your all but I think you have done that. I think you need to think about whats best for you now and how all this is affecting you. The Sharia route may be long but if that is the only option, may be its best to take it. I aint one to speak on what you should do but sometimes you've gota take the stand and be strong, going through with your word. He knows you love him dearly and therefore will not let him go, he will relise how much when you are not around him at all and whens there no chance you will go back to him.
Sis Eeman, please do what best for you, you have gone to the end of the world and back for him but its done you harm than any good, for your sanity do what has to be done...
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Eeman
07-30-2008, 09:46 AM
Originally Posted by Lonely Gal
Sis stay strong, continue with the duas, you will be rewarded in the end. I know how you feel about talaaq etc and you wanting to giv it your all but I think you have done that. I think you need to think about whats best for you now and how all this is affecting you. The Sharia route may be long but if that is the only option, may be its best to take it. I aint one to speak on what you should do but sometimes you've gota take the stand and be strong, going through with your word. He knows you love him dearly and therefore will not let him go, he will relise how much when you are not around him at all and whens there no chance you will go back to him.
Sis Eeman, please do what best for you, you have gone to the end of the world and back for him but its done you harm than any good, for your sanity do what has to be done...
Hey sis, :statisfie I pray that your well and having a better day today Insha'Allah...

your right i have to i have given him so much that in return i have forgotten myself. its time that i took that stand and stood my ground and stopped being that door mat that he constantly rubs the dirt from his shoes on.
but its just come to the point where after being so heartbroken the idea or even thought of doing something that as a result of that breaking someone else's heart just makes me think twice sometimes i dont know how to explain it or if it makes sense, no matter what he has done or how much he has wronged me, even though this is all a result of his actions but still, i kow that by me walking out he will be heart broken and that is the reason why i have not done it long ago, i have never had it in me, now its a matter of gaining that strength and being able to do it. ive always seen and considered breaking someone heart as a very big sin, no one has the right to do that nor should ever do that but i know it happens everyday all over the world and you cannot stop it and yes it all happens cos He has willed for it to happen so nothing you can do about it, but sometimes i think to myself that i am fighting too hard against my own fate and in return thats why i am getting what i am getting.
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Lonely Gal
07-30-2008, 02:08 PM
You know what it feels like to be heartbroken so u cudnt even consider doin it to someone else, but sometimes u gota do whats best for you. U have spent long enough thinking about his needs and fulfilling them. Its time you let go of that and see where it takes you. If your meant to leave him then you will.
I think you need to stop fightin for it to work.. become your own person again, live life the way its meant to be lived, full of happiness and joy.
It will be a tough time for you to even go through with it, but the other side inshAllah will have a bright side for you..
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Eeman
07-31-2008, 03:23 PM
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!:enough!::en ough!::enough!::enough!::enough!::enough!::enough! ::enough!::enough!::enough!::enough!:
im soooooooooooo ANGRY!!!!!!!! why are some people just so determined to make you hate them?????????

why is it that you cant make dua to break up kinship when it is the best thing to do???????

:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:
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IbnAbdulHakim
07-31-2008, 03:26 PM
^ becoz Allah knows better :)
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Eeman
07-31-2008, 03:30 PM
Originally Posted by IbnAbdulHakim
^ becoz Allah knows better :)
:-[ i know your right.
i was doing so good and feeling so good, but everytime i he calls and i talk to him, he always makes me mad one way or another just does it to i dunno Allahu alam. i think i need to change my house number too and have no contact whatsoever....

:cry: ya Allah i would have never thought it would come to this day for me to feel this way and do these things cos of my own husband! please my Lord give me the strength and help this slave of yours.
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Eeman
08-05-2008, 02:11 AM
salam all...

basically i have had a bit of dilema for the past few days, my husband has all of my stuff which he is witholdng from me and he is basically depriving me of all my things just to prove a point, he has been making empty promises to me everyday that i will get it today then turns into 2mrw so on and so forth.it has come to the point where he is using it to torture me, i have thought about writing my things off and i try so hard to but it makes me so mad at the thought of how evil a person can be to do that.

i just dont know what to do no more... gosh sometimes i just wonder if humans can be cursed!
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Sharif
08-05-2008, 03:29 AM
Eeman, May Allaah forgive all your sins and grant you jannat al-firdaus! subHaan Allaah, you have so much to give and contribute to this world. Don't let yourself waste away in that rut! Get out of it NOW!

1.
If you have some male relatives who can help you, get them to tactfully get you your stuff from him, if possible. If not, move on!

Let me be a little frank (if I may) -

Be letting him go, you'll be doing him a favor. Let him WAKE UP. Let this be a shock for him (if he has any sense left in him). If not, he's dead already. By delaying this, you're helping his "weed" grow taller and stronger. The sooner you cut the weed off, the sooner he'll wake up and hopefully move on with his life doing something worthwhile.

You think by letting him go, you'll be hurting him? No! On the contrary! By delaying this, you're hurting him! Free him out of his miserable state and free yourself out of that prison! You'll be doing both of you a huge favor.

2.
When it's time, don't give your mom 100% power to choose for you. Help her filter out the suitors; check out their values and beliefs. Let this experience be a priceless lesson and learn it well. Don't melt down by the suitors' "sweet" promises right away. Be smart.

3.
What else have you been doing in the meantime? I see great potential in you. You have NOOOOOOO idea!!! Step up to the plate; "delete" the previous page in your life's document; start writing a new chapter.

Remember, every day that you delay, you're wasting 86,400 precious seconds of your precious life. Those seconds are not coming back. So, get on it and get going. Get on the driver seat of life. Start a new journey. Now!

As soon as you read this, take out a piece of paper and a pen, start listing EVERY action item you'll have to take. Then prioritize them. Set the earliest possible deadline for each one. On the side, note how you'll get that item done (get someone's help; call someone; email someone; buy something; sell something---whatever).

Tape that against your wall where you see it a few times everyday. Then pick something you really love -- the most precious thing you have (something that you wouldn't want anybody else to have)--something tangible (even money). Then give that to someone who is trustworthy. Tell him or her: "I want you to keep this for me. If I get these things done on time (those action-items), I will take it back and you'll give it back. If I miss the deadline (if "I" miss the deadline), then I want you to NEVER give them back to me. Even if I beg and cry for it afterwards. (Better yet, sign a written contract with him or her). If you had a child, I would suggest you let that person have your child. <-- I'm not kidding! Dead serious. Let that sink in! YOUR OWN CHILD! yes! You need some serious "commitment" that's gonna push you over the edge to take those actions NOW, and not tomorrow!

I hope that made sense. I don't know where you are. If I were there, I would've gone and done everything in my power. I hope you'll do EVERYTHING in your power.

Keep making MASSIVE du'aa'. Let the upcoming Ramadan be that transition period you'll need. Let it wash away all the pain and sorrow. Let it make you stronger and braver; smarter and sharper. Let this experience TOTALLY TRANSFORM you, so on the other side, you wake up as:

Eeman Version 2.0
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Eeman
08-06-2008, 06:03 PM
Jazak'Allah khair brother sharif i pray that Allah swt rewards you in abundance for each and every word that you have written and for yourtime, yes you are right i must do this and Insha'Allah i will get up put myself back together and get the strength to walk out i cannot no more carry on giving its my own stupidity i suppose but khair Allah swt sees all and knows all.

i love your techniques and the way you percieve everything but unfortunately they will not work with me since i am or its better to say have not functioned myself in such manner, yes i have goals without a doubt everyone has but my reliablility has always been on Allah swt, i have never planned as far out as the next day let alone next year, i dunno why but my mindset has always been set to the way of thinking that tomorrow may never come, so Insha'Allah as always i will take each day as it comes and aim and do my best like it is my last.

i have never in life been motivated to make loads of money, or to have the best job or power, yes before islam i was motivated by fame and i got bit of that and tasted its results too but now all i want in life is to just pass this test and get it over and done with and prepare myself for the akhira, i wanted a little family a righteous spouse and a simple life and thats what i always have prayed for and i know that Insha'Allah Allah swt will bestow that upon me.
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Eeman
08-06-2008, 06:08 PM
since i have not been working for the past year cos he was not happy with me working, i have decidedto get back into university Insha'Allah and carry on with my education but i was going to right my stuff off but since my mum has obviously been looking after me and wasnt able to afford my fees i asked for my stuff back so i could pay off for my fees, and have made him aware but khair he has gone on a disappearing act again he promised that my stuff would definately be with me on sunday that turned into monday then monday into tuesday now wednesday and now he is not answering his phone.

never mind :) Allah swt is great too great this too shall pass and i will Insha'Allh get my justice.
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FatimaAsSideqah
08-06-2008, 06:31 PM
As Salaam Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu to dear sister Eeman

Good some advices of posts in here.

Think positively of Allah Taala, for He has only decreed this thing for you for a reason that is known to Him. He wants good for you so long as you adhere to His commands and guidance, and obey His commands and avoid overstepping His limits and falling into that which He has forbidden. You do not know, perhaps this calamity has befallen you so that Allah Taala might ward off thereby something that is even worse; perhaps Allah Taala has warded off thereby some major sins and some destructive calamity without you realizing. So think positively of your Lord and believe that He will bring you forth from this calamity as a hair is pulled out of dough.

You should understand that waswaas comes from the Shaytaan, and in fact Allah Taala calls the shaytaan the waswaas (the whisperer) in Surah al-Naas, as is well known. This means that you have to declare war on the shaytaan and remember that he is the one who started it with you and that he is the one who transgressed against you and tricked you and wanted to deny you your rights, so do not turn your back to him or show him your weakness, for he is weak and defeated, and withdraw easily. So be of good cheer, and be certain that you can overcome him so long as you are with Allah Taala.
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Eeman
08-06-2008, 06:48 PM
Jazak'Allah khair sis fatima
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Sharif
08-06-2008, 09:57 PM
unfortunately they will not work with me since i am or its better to say have not functioned myself in such manner,
Change is not easy. No one says it is. My hallucination is that you've grown a barrier of comfort zone even where you are currently.

yes i have goals without a doubt everyone has but my reliablility has always been on Allah swt, i have never planned as far out as the next day let alone next year,
Why haven't you planned your next day? Whether you like it or not, here is the fact:

You can live your tomorrow just like today OR you can make your tomorrow better than today.

I don't want to overwhelm you with quotes from Qur'an and Hadith to get the point across. You know the points better than I do.

i dunno why but my mindset has always been set to the way of thinking that tomorrow may never come, so Insha'Allah as always i will take each day as it comes and aim and do my best like it is my last.
Good thinking, but BAD strategy. Go back to the last time you had this mindset. How many days has that been? Hundreds? May be thousands? Each new day comes. And you're not ready? No, no, Eeman. You deserve better. You know better.

i have never in life been motivated to make loads of money, or to have the best job or power, yes before islam i was motivated by fame and i got bit of that and tasted its results too but now all i want in life is to just pass this test and get it over and done with and prepare myself for the akhira, i wanted a little family a righteous spouse and a simple life and thats what i always have prayed for and i know that Insha'Allah Allah swt will bestow that upon me.
Hmm... some of values seem to have conflicts with others. No wonder!

It'll be happening in 3 hours. Why don't you go and attend. It's free. (I think it shouldn't be free, but khayr). That one hour, if you use it right, could be transformational. (Unless you're happy with where you are currently, then don't.)
http://discoverulife.com/blog/
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Eeman
08-07-2008, 03:51 AM
Jazak'Allah khair brother sharif for the webinar, lol i assumed that you were a coach Mash'Allah cos your posts seemed quite calculated, i pray that Allah swt rewards you with Jannah for your efforts Insha'Allah and that you Insha'Allah succeed with the marriage revolution.

ma salama.
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Sharif
08-07-2008, 05:22 AM
Originally Posted by Eeman
Jazak'Allah khair brother sharif for the webinar, lol i assumed that you were a coach Mash'Allah cos your posts seemed quite calculated, i pray that Allah swt rewards you with Jannah for your efforts Insha'Allah and that you Insha'Allah succeed with the marriage revolution.

ma salama.
jazaaki Allaahu khayr Eeman,

How did you find the webinar? What did you learn and discover?

I must tell you that I have this gut level feeling that you are meant to do some amazing things in this life, insha'Allah. Not many people have been tested and filtered out to become true jewel--amazingly exceptional--the ones who are born to be leaders, even if they don't know it at the beginning.

In every one of your posts, I see "transformation." Look around you. Just like Sr. Megan, we need sisters who would become totally outstanding and take our sisters from this mediocre state to living life with total ihsaan--pure excellence. When I read your posts, the question that pops up in my mind is "When?" It's not a matter of "if" anymore; it's just "when."

Do you think planning one day ahead of time is not doable? I just don't buy that from you. From others? May be. From you? No!

Millions of sisters "dream" of becoming like Khadeejah and 'Aa'ishah, but only handful have the courage to do anything about it. You can LEAD those handful. Think you can't do it? You cannot possibly NOT do it.

The only place that I wish for you in aakhirah is jannat al-firdaus. <-- That's just not a repeated sentence. You cannot settle for anything else. I mean it with all my hearts. You just cannot! Absolutely not!
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Eeman
08-07-2008, 05:52 AM
Brother Sharif i really did enjoy the webinar Masha'Allah, sister Megan I pray that Allah swt bestows Jannah upon her for her efforts Insha'Allah was great and as she was going along with everything i was following the action guide with her instructions and filling it out as i was going along later on i ealised something that i myself was quite baffled about.

as you could guess the decision that we were asked to write down about the future which we still need to make was regards my husband,

then mocing on to stage 2: my top 3 values were 1: love: (i will give my own definitions to them as sister megan suggested) love has alway been something that i have Alhumdullilah had and still do have plenty to give to abundance and i want to give love to everyone especially those who have not had love in their lives this makes me feel happy and complete!:)
2:health= as in health and imaan i am more concerned with spriritual health and my imaan of course.
3:success= success at being a good muslimah, a woman, a good wife and a good mother. Insha'Allah.

so then moving on to number 3 regards the negative motivators for me the top 3 were:
1: anger = cos i believe that is the root of everything, saying things and doing things that you know will cause only harm and no benefit and of course displease Allah swt. I must stress out that it has nothing to do with the explanaition sister megan gave Alhumdullilah i have never had or been through such troubles.
2:guilt: cos right after anger if i do not control my tongue or action this is what i straight away automatically feel.
3:frustration: which i know clashes sometimes cos at times i keep things bottled in and just starts to bug me inside since people dont understand why i keep my peace and what is the reason and misinterpret it.

so now going back to the decision that needs to be made i sat down and i wrote each stage out...

does this support my purpose in life in pleasing Allah swt?

does it support what i am passionate about and always have been?

does it support my top 3 values?

and what are my negative motivational factors that drive me into making bad decisions.

so now what i was baffled about in the end was that it seemed to be after analysing both parts of the decisions that i can make that staying with my husband seems like the better decision to make! :skeleton:
which has made me even more confused now.
or have a totally got the whole concept wrong?
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Sharif
08-07-2008, 06:36 AM
Originally Posted by Eeman
does this support my purpose in life in pleasing Allah swt?
Does it? Really? Pleasing Allaah by what? Pleasing Allaah through what? By being a victim? By being in this trap forever? I think it's time that you look into the future a littler further.

does it support what i am passionate about and always have been?
What have you always been passionate about? Truly?

I don't know what that is, but my question is: how is your current situation going to support you in your true passion?

does it support my top 3 values?
Does it? I don't see how.

Love? Health? Success? <-- I don't get it. How?

and what are my negative motivational factors that drive me into making bad decisions.
Hmm... I'm not sure if you got it correctly. It could be ANY decision: either good or bad, doesn't matter. The negative motivational factors are what you want to avoid at any cost!

So, then, by staying where you are now:

I don't see how you'll be less angry, guilty or frustrated. You want to become the martyr and take in and digest everyone else's anger, guilt, and frustration for the rest of your life? The "door mat" for everyone?

How will staying in this situation make you less angry?

The "guilt" of not moving on to a better stage in life will probably eat you alive!

Frustration? Do you think you'll be less frustrated or more frustrated by staying in this?

so now what i was baffled about in the end was that it seemed to be after analysing both parts of the decisions that i can make that staying with my husband seems like the better decision to make! :skeleton:
which has made me even more confused now.
or have a totally got the whole concept wrong?
You obviously didn't get the "whole" thing wrong. I'm afraid something else is holding you back. I just don't see how on earth could you possibly rationalize staying in this situation. Maybe up until now in your life, you've done that--making excuses for everyone else.

No more! I say: "no more!"

Allaah opens up doors of opportunities. They don't stay open for long. It's up to us to walk through them!
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Eeman
08-09-2008, 05:19 PM
salams everyone,
so i did my istikhara again last night cos i absorbed in what brother shrif said and maybe i interpreted the whole thing wrongly and AGAIN i had a dream that i was catching my husband cheating on me!!!
I dont understand what thats supposed to mean???? and i am really left speechlless today.
so i called him and once AGAIN kindly asked him for my talaaq this time he said he'd give it Insha'Allah :) so lets see Insha'Allah by next week if i get it or not.
Gosh its going to be one hell of a journey getting my life back together and starting from scratch but you know th weirdest thing i am no longer scared anymore Alhumdullilah, i am quite looking forward to it.
one thing i must say i will miss is the feeling and the sense you get as a woman knowing that your single, i'm not looking forward to that at all, not in the sense of being single and on my own, cos i have been on my own for the past year that wont make a difference but just knowing that i'm no longer married to anyone and no one's izat lol i dunno how to explain it its wierd.
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