help plz..younger guy

[miss islam]

oky i hav a problem..but its ntt realli i lov dis guy nd he loves me too..we both do lov each other deeply...nd yeah its true love...we both understnd each other when i tlk to him i feel comfortable..he has alwayz been der for me..nd i cant thnk him enough..nd he wants me as his future wife...but da thing is am 20 his 18 nd whn i tld my firneds dat his yonger den me dey freak out..i knw age doesnt matter but everytime dey be sayin u sld jus leave him cuz his young..but i really dk wht to do..cuz if i leave him it will break him..but i dont want to..it jus mkes me mad dem sayin such thing dey sldnt interfer its my life..HELP!!!! idk wht to do..

[arabianprincess]

salam wa 3lykom

its not really about the age .. but as u know any relationship with a guy is harammmmmmmmmm n a huge sin.. so think about it .. if u die today ....was it really worth it....................... believe me its not.. if he wants he should come n ask for ur hand ... n u should do it the rite way... i know sometimes ppl do get carried away .. but u should try to pull ur self out. so either he comes n ask for u n get married or u end it.. n believe me its not worth it.

[Eeman]

salam alaikum sister

i agree with princess this whole i talk to him and love him and he loves me too... is what you should be more concerned about rather than his age, if you want to marry the brother and he feels the same way then ask him to do things properly and do your istikhara 1st and ask yourself are you really ready for this and furthermore is her ready for this?

firstly as i said the age thing is not an issue, but always bare in mind that women mentality are 5 years more mature for their age and men 5 years immature so do think about the mental compatibility there cos this is marriage we are talking about!!!
and again if its written for you Insha'Allah then you will end up with him.

my husband is ten years my senior and believe me when i say this to you i feel like i am dealing with a 13 year old teenager. and marriage is no joke, it is something that you should be getting in to 100% confident that you will give it your utter all.

does your family know about this?

[coddles76]

Thankyou Eeman but in the future could you please try to provide advice without degrading the Muslim Brothers. I think that would be more appropriate and better value for readers.
May Allah forgive and bless you InshAllah

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[Tania]

Thankyou Eeman but in the future could you please try to provide advice without degrading the Muslim Brothers. I think that would be more appropriate and better value for readers.
May Allah forgive and bless you InshAllah

Her advices are highly objective and i like to read them.

[coddles76]

Tania,

I would be 100% sure that she had the right intentions at heart and I am also sure that her objective views are quite enjoyable. I was just providing my individual advice as a brother in Islam, trying to work together to create a positive outlook to things.

[aminahjaan]

The Prophet (SAW) had a wife who was 20? (I think) years older than him. Your friends are jealous.

[Riyadh-ul-Jannah]

:sl:
Well, I was told that boyfriend and girlfriend, that kind of thing is a sin, forbidden, so let it go, and if he does ask you to marry him, then dont think about the age difference, think...remember Our prophet s.a.w married Hazrat Kadija r.t.a and she was 14 years I think older than him. So if he asks you, you know what to do but apart from that I'd stop seeing him. I hope my advice helps you.
:w:

[IbnAbdulHakim]

khadija radhiallahu anha was older then the prophet sallallahi alaihi wasallaam by FIFTEEN WHOLE YEARS!


nuff said?


Assalamu Alaikum

[SixTen]

khadija radhiallahu anha was older then the prophet sallallahi alaihi wasallaam by FIFTEEN WHOLE YEARS!


nuff said?


Assalamu Alaikum

Just what I was going to say :thumbs_up. Btw, I hope their is no haram freemixing!

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ the haram freemixing is always there in these cases bro lol

otherwise they would just flip it and let their parents choose :p but they get attached

[Cabdullahi]

salam alaikum sister

i agree with princess this whole i talk to him and love him and he loves me too... is what you should be more concerned about rather than his age, if you want to marry the brother and he feels the same way then ask him to do things properly and do your istikhara 1st and ask yourself are you really ready for this and furthermore is her ready for this?

firstly as i said the age thing is not an issue, but always bare in mind that women mentality are 5 years more mature for their age and men 5 years immature so do think about the mental compatibility there cos this is marriage we are talking about!!!
and again if its written for you Insha'Allah then you will end up with him.

my husband is ten years my senior and believe me when i say this to you i feel like i am dealing with a 13 year old teenager. and marriage is no joke, it is something that you should be getting in to 100% confident that you will give it your utter all.

does your family know about this?

So if your husband is childish then this guy must be childish and every living male also :enough!: the sister that posed the question is only two years older than the brother and those two years are nothing! I am sure she knows for herself if he is the one to marry and she loves him so surely thats enough and without fail you should give her the best advice instead of rambling and possibly deterring her just like her friends:rollseyes


My advice(without discouragement)
Sister if the brother is pious and looks like a loyal person then marry him simple as that and dont allow you're friends or other certain women to make you hesistant by talking to you about that maturity/immaturity crap,the prophet(sas) married an older women 15 years his age so to be honest 2 years is diddly squat

[m102313]

So if your husband is childish then this guy must be childish and every living male also :enough!: the sister that posed the question is only two years older than the brother and those two years are nothing! I am sure she knows for herself if he is the one to marry and she loves him so surely thats enough and without fail you should give her the best advice instead of rambling and possibly deterring her just like her friends:rollseyes

Agreed, not every muslim male are childish, i know of many understanding and well-mannered brothers out there. But i also see where the sister is coming from, she is trying to say that you have to be extra cautious when choosing your husband, you cannot just marry someone you just met once or twice.

[Eeman]

Thankyou Eeman but in the future could you please try to provide advice without degrading the Muslim Brothers. I think that would be more appropriate and better value for readers.
May Allah forgive and bless you InshAllah

salam alaikum everyone,

dear brothers i apologise from the bottom of my heart if i have said anything in my posts that have seemed degrading Wallah that was never my intention but yet again i am sorry,

yes i understand that it is never the case with all men, but i am merely talking from experience as i said t her she should not be concerned with age more so concerned with the free mixing and making sure that she doesnt cause any fitnah that is the most important thing.

but now come on we have to be realistic at the same time, the brother is 18 years old!!!! how many 18 year olds do you know that is ready to take the responsibility of marriage on???????

what my point is that marriage is not a joke i duont know about you guys but to me and the whole concept of marriage to me has been like this, you get married once Insha'Allah and stick through it through thick and thin unless in situations where doing so is literally becoming impossible. when it comes to marriage you dont make hasty decisions and just get married then if it doesnt work out oh well guess what thats why Allah swt has made ha made talaaq lawful in islam.

it is better for both the brother and sister to be patient and preserve themselves and chastity, believe me its not that hard, life does not evolve around men, free mixing and sex!!!! sorry to put it in those words but it really does not!!!!

all i am saying is that the guy in my opinion and many guys and i mean many are not ready, mentally, emotionally and financially to be getting married at 18!!!

But none the less as i said before sister if its meant to be then Insha'Allah it'll be just read istikhara and see what way Allah swt guides you.

talk to your parents you must speak to your parents and seek advice from them!

before i go i'd just like to point out one thing the prophet saw was a messenger of Allah swt and i can personally wholehearted say that i dont believe or could imagine any human being being on his level or piety status.
yes we look up to him as the biggest role model but sorry to say to me no one is a match or ever could be to him. Allahu Alam.

just like you have nowadays muslim brothers that try to follow his steps by having more than one wives, gosh i suggest you muslim brothers yourself sit there for once and give a lending ear to the wives, the stories you will hear break your heart and i am sorry what anyone says and even if it is allowed in islam i still believe that Allah swt does not encourage such inequality.
this is real life!!! yes no doubt many brothers here Masha'Allah are very pious practising muslims but how many muslim brothers in general are that way????

[Eeman]

So if your husband is childish then this guy must be childish and every living male also :enough!: the sister that posed the question is only two years older than the brother and those two years are nothing! I am sure she knows for herself if he is the one to marry and she loves him so surely thats enough and without fail you should give her the best advice instead of rambling and possibly deterring her just like her friends:rollseyes


My advice(without discouragement)
Sister if the brother is pious and looks like a loyal person then marry him simple as that and dont allow you're friends or other certain women to make you hesistant by talking to you about that maturity/immaturity crap,the prophet(sas) married an older women 15 years his age so to be honest 2 years is diddly squat

Dear brother i am sorry if you got the message across differently or misunderstood, my husbandis not the only male that i know or have known in my life. look im really sorry to say but ask any female it is a known fact that women mature much faster than men do.

and i am not talking here based on the idea that my husband represents the whole male population cos if that was the case my am in life rather than reaching jannah would be to wipe out the whole male population. lol

islamic ideals and ways of life are beautiful and thats the way life should be lived and everything in islam should be implemented in life.

BUT! lets look at real life and what happens realistically!!! i am talking from experience, through what i have learnt in life and seen with my own eyes.
did you know that a man can walk into a mosque and go to imam and get a talaaq from his wife without his wife's knoweldge? so let me give you an example you have a muslim couple married, the wives at home without the clightest clue as far as she is concerned everything in her marriage is fine yes you have your ups and downs but thats life, next min she is standing there with a piece of paper thats announcing her talaaq for her, she reads the reasons for this and on the paper the imam has written down due to misunderstanding!!!!!!!!!

this is real life brothers not hear say stories but real life! even getting your divorce as in registration divorce is not that simple!!!!!!!!
so it makes you think how can it be so simple in islam, is this what God commanded us to do, is marriage that much of a joke and worthless???

and yes these are muslim brothers, average muslim brothers who pray 5 times a day etc but it comes to a point where either mentally, emoitionally, or financially the strains are too much for them to handle and we must not please object to the fact that men in general are not very good with talking and opening up, if they have a problem they themselves become the mr fix it man and think they are a bit too self sufficient and have a cure or solution to everything no matter how irational the outcome may be, they dont like relying upon other people emotionally or opening up much cos it goes against their cultural believes and makes them seem weak and vulnerable.

being open about your feelings and emotios never has nor will make anyone weak nor vulnerable, but its the male ego thats not allowing them to do so.
i spend much of my time with fellow muslim sisters and unfortunately it breaks my heart and saddens me so much but this is something that you will find in EVERY marital home. so no i am not sitting here giving my unworthy two pence worth babbling and trying to make the idea seem unworthy to the sister, i am merely advising you sis cos marriage is such a beautiful and important aspect in life, its virtues are amazing but make that hasty decision and it only takes that one hasty decision and you spend the rest of your life an unhappy miserable wife, forever commiting sins of nagging whining and being bitter, grudgeful and miserable.

[Tania]

And the couple its divorced :? based only one side story :?

[Cabdullahi]

some young males can be incompetent and some can act very mature

[IbnAbdulHakim]

agreed with ahmed junior :)

[Tania]

You have right to give advice but you absolutely have no right to purposely influence because of you're past or even present experiences

thank you

She gave only her opinion, like you did. The sis who asked will ponder the replies and will follow her judgement. She will be influenced by your advice in the same measure like of sis Eeman advice too.

I really don't see why are you quarell with sis Eeman :-[ Everyone has the right to speak and to hide certain facts its very bad.

[Eeman]

Sister, we men are not evil and lethargic creatures maybe you think so but thats your opinion,and i think you have thrown the sister into more confusion,you and her so called friends are deterring her away from the guy for what reason, is he a criminal? neither you or her friends know what kind of personality this person has only she knows and if he was a mentally weak person then believe you me she would of not fallen in love with him but romance dies out quickly when it comes to real life situation and only time will tell what will happen if the bond is still strong or not

If the male brothers you talk about excersice their male egos and on top of that pray five times then either you are lieing and have this agenda against young brothers or the brothers misunderstood the religion because you cant pray five times a day and mentally assault you're wife that is not islam

Young brothers right now need help and advice especially in this crazy society so that they dont fall into committing zina the last thing they need is someone to tell them that they are incompetent because they have too much pride

some young brothers want to marry and are finding it hard to do so they are trying to fulfill half of their deen and there are sisters out there spreading lies and influencing other sisters telling them to not marry young brothers,this leaves the brothers with no way out from the crazy practises they see that some youthfull people indulge in for example girls,clubs and other things,so in a sense brothers who fight these temptations have only one hope and that is to marry a pious sister that he loves and cherishes,so that they can grow into each other build on their relationship.

You have right to give advice but you absolutely have no right to purposely influence because of you're past or even present experiences

thank you

Jazak'Allah khair :)
peace brother, your right i am lying.

ma salama.

[Lonely Gal]

The whole point of a forum is that people speaks their views and opinions, including personal experiences, it is good for people who are asking for advise to see the good side as well as the bad side before the person makes a final decision. What sis Eeman has said is nothing wrong or out of order, cos we all know that men do mature later and even if this male is already mature, sis Eeman is just stating the fact that sister who posted originally looks into all the angles first before makin a big decision such as marriage.
There is really no point is causing an argument in this, as we are all allowed to speak our views and thoughts, if another does not like this, there is no need for them to tell the other person to not speak their views. We all have an equal right and if anyone wanted to say anything it should be the original poster.
Everyone should be able to make both pos and neg views and then the sister can come to her own conclusion. No one does anythin based on just other peoples views, at the end the person makes the choice themselves

[Nawal89]

Back to topic...


You're in Love now. But putting the love aside really. Can this eighteen year old guy give you a life? I have nothing against marrying men younger. In fact I think its quite interesting. But really. Think realistically.

[Muslim Woman]

:w:

salam wa 3lykom

its not really about the age .. but as u know any relationship with a guy is harammmmmmmmmm n a huge sin...

yap...age difference does not matter . It's allowed in Islam for a woman to marry a Muslim man younger than her.

The point is we ( both Muslim men & women ) are NOT allowed to go around with the opposite sex.

sis , offer Ishthekhara prayer. If u have positive signs , then go ahead Islamically. Talk to your guardian / aunt/ uncle for arranged marriage .

[Cabdullahi]

So sisters at what age can a brother be a good husband because time and time again i see sisters saying from18 to about 20+ the brothers at this age are brain dead,and they come alive with maturity after some years.

As an 18 year old i feel i could step up and be a good loyal husband,now some sisters will say 'ohh its his male ego he cant do nothing!'women are great motivators they always push the man to the limits by constantly coaxing and unfortunately some men go through this ordeal and fail and some are successful.

Inshallah if i got married at this age for sure i could handle marriage not because i think that i'm mr cool but praying and asking for dua will get me through

[Lonely Gal]

no doubt there are some men who can adapt to this much earlier than some guys... each to their own

[Tania]

In life the most dificult thing would be to find the half. There is no perfect age for marriage. When i was 18 i was concentrated on my studies.

[Eeman]

So sisters at what age can a brother be a good husband because time and time again i see sisters saying from18 to about 20+ the brothers at this age are brain dead,and they come alive with maturity after some years.

As an 18 year old i feel i could step up and be a good loyal husband,now some sisters will say 'ohh its his male ego he cant do nothing!'women are great motivators they always push the man to the limits by constantly coaxing and unfortunately some men go through this ordeal and fail and some are successful.

Inshallah if i got married at this age for sure i could handle marriage not because i think that i'm mr cool but praying and asking for dua will get me through

Masha'Allah bro that is great to hear and shows your firm believe and reliance upon Allah swt, but when your not n a situation you think something else, everything seems differently, i wanted to get married and was ready a 16 lol!
but Wallah once you go through it its a whole different cattle of fish!!!

but you only find out once you experience it first hand,

a lot of bros and sisters think that love on itself makes the marraige work and its a something that should be relied upon, but i believe that there re soooooooooo many aspects of marriage that needs reliance on not just love in itself.

when two people come together in the union of marriage they become partners in life, companions with the intention that this is how we will live the rest of our life, they both need to rely on each other and be each other's backbone, yes at first its love that makes the world go round then after a while that love starts to fade a little its very important to have a very firm and strong base of friendship between the two spouses, cos it is the friendship that will make it last, the give and take should never stop it should always carry on in dosages you give and give and give but in return your partner has to give and give and give too, cos then as much as your giving your recieving too making that love flow and your never going to be left in a situation where your love reserve has run out.

in most cases you find that its just a case of give and give and give then the partner has given so much that it becomes a case when there's nothing more left for them to give and in return they become a bitter grudgeful miserable person.

bro there are times many times infact that women need to be motivated too otherwise they just become sick and tired of acting like the mummy all the time.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ lol :| theres nothing wrong with taking breaks when things get over heated.



but this is going OT ! personally i myself know of brothers at 19-20 who are married right now and doing great, mashaAllaah :D

[Eeman]

^ lol :| theres nothing wrong with taking breaks when things get over heated.



but this is going OT ! personally i myself know of brothers at 19-20 who are married right now and doing great, mashaAllaah :D

take a break from what bro?

[IbnAbdulHakim]

take a break from what bro?

ffrom each other to contemplate and perhaps miss each other? i mean the prophet sallallahi alaihi wasallaam himself took a month break from his wives when there were too many disputes. Its just a calming down period, i think it can work wonders for relationships

[Ansariyah]

but erm...18 n 20 is not a huge gap....:?

Dont worry about what ur `friends´ have to say. This is ur life, u shud focus only on what matters which is `how is his deen, his personality, ru attracted to one another etc. Can u see urself being married to him for life:?.

[Eeman]

ffrom each other to contemplate and perhaps miss each other? i mean the prophet sallallahi alaihi wasallaam himself took a month break from his wives when there were too many disputes. Its just a calming down period, i think it can work wonders for relationships

are you referring to when the husband sends her back home to her mums cos he has had enough!!!!!!!

so everytime u have disputes your husband sends you home for a month?
say you have 4 disputes in a year so out of 12 months in a year you spend four months at your mums??????

come on bro, thats not what marriage is intended for, and anyhow if you both strive hard to keep eachother happy for the sake of Allah swt cos it counts as a deed then there will be no need for you to have 1 months separation cooling off periods cos itwont come to that let alone disputing much or to that extent.

the prophet saw had many wives! not just one so makes you wonder why he took a break.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ sis it depends completely on the individuals in question.

if the couple really like each other, they'll wanna be back together and they'll appreciate each other more. If they dont, then Allah knows best but perhaps they should stop making each others life miserable.


personally, i would do the cooling off period, but i would NEVER abuse it. Ie if i think my wife needs me i wudnt leave her, if we BOTH feel we need to cool off then why not?

Assalamu Alaikum

[Eeman]

^ sis it depends completely on the individuals in question.

if the couple really like each other, they'll wanna be back together and they'll appreciate each other more. If they dont, then Allah knows best but perhaps they should stop making each others life miserable.


personally, i would do the cooling off period, but i would NEVER abuse it. Ie if i think my wife needs me i wudnt leave her, if we BOTH feel we need to cool off then why not?

Assalamu Alaikum

and bro my point is that if as good muslims we really do followour religion and the true message of Allah it should never come to that cooling off period or anything.

[miss islam]

thx for all of ur replys sum say even thou his young he can be mature nd he is very well mannerd..nd others say 'childish' well idk..i might gonna leave him cuz derz dis other guy dat liks me and his lik 23 years old..am ntt in love wid him thou :( but his age is perfect..but i still dk..i mean my parent will prob freak out me mayin a guy younger den me..nd my sis will prob say its disgusting..idk

[Cabdullahi]

thx for all of ur replys sum say even thou his young he can be mature nd he is very well mannerd..nd others say 'childish' well idk..i might gonna leave him cuz derz dis other guy dat liks me and his lik 23 years old..am ntt in love wid him thou :( but his age is perfect..but i still dk..i mean my parent will prob freak out me mayin a guy younger den me..nd my sis will prob say its disgusting..idk

Look! you said it yourself in your own words that he can be well mannered and mature,sister what is stopping you? is it what other people think ,would you marry someone that you do not know properly just to please your friends and then be regretting the wrong decision you made all your life or would you marry someone who loves you and that you know what kind of person they are,building on this perfect foundation will bring a fruitful marriage

Let those bored friends of yours who just like to gossip have the first laugh because trust me you'll have the last laugh

but if you're parents oppose then you can peacefully explain that the boy is a boy of good manners but if they are having none of it for whatever crappy reason be it that he is not good for you or it will bring shame to the family then just listen to your parents :thumbs_up

peace out

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

:sl:

If his Imaan and piety is good and satisfies you, then don't let age stand in the way, especially since your age difference isn't even major, only two years. Age is just a number and understanding & wisdom do not come with being older - they are a provision from Allaah which He gives to whosoever He wills from His servants.

[miss islam]

Look! you said it yourself in your own words that he can be well mannered and mature,sister what is stopping you? is it what other people think ,would you marry someone that you do not know properly just to please your friends and then be regretting the wrong decision you made all your life or would you marry someone who loves you and that you know what kind of person they are,building on this perfect foundation will bring a fruitful marriage

Let those bored friends of yours who just like to gossip have the first laugh because trust me you'll have the last laugh

but if you're parents oppose then you can peacefully explain that the boy is a boy of good manners but if they are having none of it for whatever crappy reason be it that he is not good for you or it will bring shame to the family then just listen to your parents :thumbs_up

peace out

well..i agree..i mean da guy is a gud muslim..prob betta den me..well friends tell u da truth most of the time..dat if i sld be wid an older guy i'll be more wise..and stuff..well i knw if i left him i'll hurt him deeply cuz of his age..but am still thinking idk i sld jus giv myself a week o month after choosin my decision..

[miss islam]

:sl:

If his Imaan and piety is good and satisfies you, then don't let age stand in the way, especially since your age difference isn't even major, only two years. Age is just a number and understanding & wisdom do not come with being older - they are a provision from Allaah which He gives to whosoever He wills from His servants.

yaa i totally agree

[IbnAbdulHakim]

and bro my point is that if as good muslims we really do followour religion and the true message of Allah it should never come to that cooling off period or anything.

disagreed becoz the prophet sallallahi alaihi wasallaam used a cooling off period.

he was the best of mankind right?

this shows that its the BEST way to cool down a heated relationship !

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl: ^
The cooling off process isn't something that the Prophet (saw) practiced regularly..its was a rare occurance though wasn't it?

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ i dont endorse it to b dun regularly, only during extreme moments.

i really believe it can help, i can think of so many couples who i would recommend it to

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:
Oh, I agree that in extreme circumstances that it may useful, give both a chance to reflect on their actions, the way you spoke it seemed as though you had plans to make it into regular practice..sorry if I misunderstood. But also where you go? I mean unless you have family close by there's not really many places to live whilst 'cooling off'?

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ the masjid :D

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:
thats a good idea, that never even occurred to me! Round here its a amazing thing for a (young) guy to attend masjid to pray..let alone anything more than that...

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ in london masjid is center for everything these days :) my friends camped in the mosque loads of times lol


oh and i said masjid because thats where the prophet sallallahi alaihi wasallaam went for his retreat... masjid-e-nabawi

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:
MashaAllah thats great, its important that people have an islamic environment to go to, anytime...and to know that its open anytime.... Guess London does have its good points lol

[*KB*]

Assalamualaykum

Peace be with you Sister miss islam, if you truly believe that you and this guy are great for one another, what is there to stop you? Prophet Muhammed PBUH married Khadijah RA and Khadija RA was older than the Prophet PBUH.

You and your partner should make dua to Allah, to lead to the right path and Insha'Allah what Allah does, Allah does for the best.

Stay safe, Sister.

Assalamualaykum
*KB*
:coolious:

[roohani.doctor]

everything's already been said but if you really love each other and want to get married, why not do it the right way, the Islamic way? it doesnt matter how old he is, and you should tell your friends that, if they still continue to talk, don't listen, lol, no but seriously girl, he should ask your parents for your hand in marriage :P

[dream gurl]

well..i think marryin a younger person it jus weried nd odd..doesnt hppen often..but den love is strong whc really matters..

[The_Prince]

well if you 2 can actually hold a marriage then go do it, :) its only 2 years difference, its not like hes 13 and your 20.

[Sharif]

Just to add to something Sr. Eman said before:

If you can only GIVE in your marriage, without expecting ANYTHING in return, you can take your marriage to the next level, insha'Allah.

Being a martyr in a marriage by just giving and giving, but not getting anything in return (while expecting to get something back) is not something permanent. As time goes by, you won't have that passion and excitement as before.

But if you can SHOW how to GIVE without expecting ANYTHING in return---and do it sincerely out of love, care, and compassion---your spouse will soon start to do the same. He or she just cannot help it.

Well, that's something to practice for those who want to take their marriage to the next level.

==

miss islam, a few things:

1.
Ask married people (those whom you look up to, who are going through a successful married life). Do NOT ask your friends (in most cases). You may know better than your friends. They can only assume things. Get the real scoop for people who've been there.

Ask your friends to FIND OUT more about the person and similar things, but don't rely on their opinions too heavily. Share your feelings and concerns with them, of course; that's why they're there for you. Let them advice you if they want. But check that up with others.

2.
Having some kind of relationship--that goes beyond permissible boundaries--before marriage, is always a recipe for disaster. For those involved, it's hard to tell. But when reality kicks in, that infatuation flies out the window faster than it came in.

3.
If you're deciding between two options (or more), then may I suggest you do a simple exercise?

Take an uninterrupted hour and answer these questions (in writing, of course)--

A. By marrying the 18 year old brother, what are the TOP 10 things I'm trying to ACHIEVE?

B. By marrying the 18 year old brother, what are the TOP 10 things I'm trying to AVOID?

[You'll be surprised to see how many people never ask that second question, which may be give you a better perspective.]

C. By marrying the 23 year old brother, what are the TOP 10 things I'm trying to ACHIEVE?

D. By marrying the 23 year old brother, what are the TOP 10 things I'm trying to AVOID?

Then, go through each answer, and rate each one from 1 to 10 (1 being least important and 10 being most important).

So, you'll have at least 10 ratings for Question A. Add them up.

Do the same for B, C, and D.

See where the scale is heavier.

You can also answer these on the side:

a. What things do you two share in common?
b. What things are TOTALLY different? Can you live with those differences?

It's a must that you be brutally honest with yourself when answering these questions.

Remember, marriage is NOT a test-drive! It's a seriously serious and amazingly amazing matter. Don't let your infatuation get mixed up with real love.

That exercise has given a lot of people some great clarity and balanced perspective during very difficult life-altering situations. It works for any decision where you must choose from two or more options.

So, bounce off your answers (or the primary decision) with someone whose judgment you trust. Hear what they say.

Then, make a final decision.

Pray istikhaarah.

Put your trust in Allah.

Make MASSIVE du'aa'.

Take MASSIVE actions on your decision.

May Allaah make one of the best of the best!

[Sahabiyaat]

akhee, just wondering....do you have a template for these posts :D lol, they all seem to look similar???

good advice as always!

[Hamas]

salam wa 3lykom

its not really about the age .. but as u know any relationship with a guy is harammmmmmmmmm n a huge sin.. so think about it .. if u die today ....was it really worth it....................... believe me its not.. if he wants he should come n ask for ur hand ... n u should do it the rite way... i know sometimes ppl do get carried away .. but u should try to pull ur self out. so either he comes n ask for u n get married or u end it.. n believe me its not worth it.

Assalamu Alaikum Brothers and Sisters,

You see this is the most suitable response as it is islamic and does justice and im sorry but these kind of threads really make me laugh and its suprising how many of these you get on here "oh i love him and i know he loves me but i dont know what to do" :giggling:

JazakAllah.

[Tania]

and its suprising how many of these you get on here "oh i love him and i know he loves me but i dont know what to do" :giggling:

JazakAllah.

Love its the most old mistery of the world and you are :giggling:

[Sharif]

akhee, just wondering....do you have a template for these posts :D lol, they all seem to look similar???

good advice as always!

Sahabiyaat, I wish I did have templates, but I don't. :)

You see, when you zoom out from the gritty-nitty details of life, get some perspective and altitude, things become very simple. It's easier to deal with.

That decision-making exercise is one of the MOST powerful exercises I've ever come across in my life. You do istishaarah (you ask those who know better), then you sit down and write out all the options you have, (if things aren't clear still, you do more istishaarah), then you make a decision, and pray istikhaarah. <-- ALL of that is part of tying your camel.

And THEN you just go ahead with your decision with an unwavering tawakkul and trust in Allaah, that no matter what happens, it will turn out to be good for you. Yeah, for beginners, these are all "flowery" talks, but I've done and seen people achieve amazing results and overcome life-death-situations very easily.

Good news is: the more you practice your decision-making and tawakkul muscles, the stronger you'll become, inshaa'Allaah.

[Sharif]

thx for all of ur replys sum say even thou his young he can be mature nd he is very well mannerd..nd others say 'childish' well idk..i might gonna leave him cuz derz dis other guy dat liks me and his lik 23 years old..am ntt in love wid him thou :( but his age is perfect..but i still dk..i mean my parent will prob freak out me mayin a guy younger den me..nd my sis will prob say its disgusting..idk

Do not ASSUME anything. SEE it for what it is.

He "CAN BE" mature? That's not good enough. IS HE mature?

Don't play the "in love" and "out of love" game! It seems very alluring, but it'll drive you nuts at the end. It's difficult, yes, but base your love on things that will LAST!

Take your life seriously. If YOU don't take it seriously, no one else will.

Instead of thinking about "this particular" guy or "that particular" guy, think about what "qualities" do you want to see in your future husband?

Then, ask yourself: "What kind of girl would such a guy want to marry? Hmm..."

Then, BECOME that girl!

I hope that made sense. Did it?

[Sharif]

Thankyou Eeman but in the future could you please try to provide advice without degrading the Muslim Brothers. I think that would be more appropriate and better value for readers.
May Allah forgive and bless you InshAllah

I have to agree with Eeman!

We have to be man enough to face the brutal facts of reality. Instead of trying to avoid them, we must just face up to them and self-correct.

Whenever we don't like what someone else said, it's most likely that it's going against one of our "own" values or beliefs. Instead of blocking out that person's opinion, why not examine our "own" values and see if they stand up against the test?

If they do, khayr, you've gotta a jewel. If not, it's time to become a goldsmith and turn that bumpy-stony-value into a true jewel! :)

[miss islam]

thx again..but he wants wht best for me..but i have a feelin dat i wont be able to be with him cuz of my parent..dy neva met him..i jus thing it wont be cuz we came frm diff b.g but dat hpeflly wont matter..but wht if my parent said no to me wn i comfront dem..i mean in islam doesnt a girl has da rite to choose her husband..but den wid da permission of ur parent..sigh life is difficult jus cnfuse

[true believer]

sister
as muslims..we are supposed to go 4 charcter and deen
i didnt hear anythin about age
who cares sis??
Honestly..its just a number
dont let it define/shape/destory ur love for each other.
Its about u two..being together as one..cos dats wat marriage is all about..so chin up sis and be happy.

[true believer]

sister
as muslims..we are supposed to go 4 charcter and deen
i didnt hear anythin about age
who cares sis??
Honestly..its just a number
dont let it define/shape/destory ur love for each other.
Its about u two..being together as one..cos dats wat marriage is all about..so chin up sis and be happy.