A Brother Harrased me Sexually several times

[anonymous]

Asalamalaikum

I feel so bad. This has now been the 3rd or so times that this had happened. There is a brother who lives across the street from us. Several times he physically attacked me, kissed me by force. I tried to push him away, but he tells me that it actually makes him want me even more.

First I met him a couple of months ago, the first day we met he told me that he wants to marry me. I told him that I wasnt just going to marry someone that easily n that it would take time to get to know each other. He kept saying, that he wants to marry me within one week and I told him that I didnt want that. He said that he would come to my father with his father n ask for my hand, I told him not to make a fool out of himself and not to bother coming to my Dad n that I wasnt ready.

The mistake I made is to give him the time of day. He keept calling me and kept asking me to just hear him out. So I gave him a chance to talk. After I slapped him last time when he tried to kiss me, I thought, this time he will have learned his lesson. Well today he did waaay more, he touched me in appropiately, n Kissed some parts of my body, I kept resisting. I told him, as fiercely as I could, to NOT TOUCH ME. He keeps saying, ok, I wont. and Before I know it he's all over me yet again.

The only thing about him that gives me a slight interest are his looks. Shallow I know. This is exactly why I didnt want to jump the marriage bandwagon with him. He's extremely good looking, and I guess he's use to girls being all over him, he cant believe it that I keep avoiding him. He told me that he will never leave me alone until he marries me. He said that I could help by agreeing. That he's obsessed with me. I dont know why I even bothered to see him. I feel soo bad. Moreso of what he did to me. I am a practising Muslimah n I have never been touched by a guy. I dont know how on earth I ended up in this mess.

I feel used n abused. Please help me.

[ayan333]

Asalamalaikum

I feel so bad. This has now been the 3rd or so times that this had happened. There is a brother who lives across the street from us. Several times he physically attacked me, kissed me by force. I tried to push him away, but he tells me that it actually makes him want me even more.

First I met him a couple of months ago, the first day we met he told me that he wants to marry me. I told him that I wasnt just going to marry someone that easily n that it would take time to get to know each other. He kept saying, that he wants to marry me within one week and I told him that I didnt want that. He said that he would come to my father with his father n ask for my hand, I told him not to make a fool out of himself and not to bother coming to my Dad n that I wasnt ready.

The mistake I made is to give him the time of day. He keept calling me and kept asking me to just hear him out. So I gave him a chance to talk. After I slapped him last time when he tried to kiss me, I thought, this time he will have learned his lesson. Well today he did waaay more, he touched me in appropiately, n Kissed some parts of my body, I kept resisting. I told him, as fiercely as I could, to NOT TOUCH ME. He keeps saying, ok, I wont. and Before I know it he's all over me yet again.

The only thing about him that gives me a slight interest are his looks. Shallow I know. This is exactly why I didnt want to jump the marriage bandwagon with him. He's extremely good looking, and I guess he's use to girls being all over him, he cant believe it that I keep avoiding him. He told me that he will never leave me alone until he marries me. He said that I could help by agreeing. That he's obsessed with me. I dont know why I even bothered to see him. I feel soo bad. Moreso of what he did to me. I am a practising Muslimah n I have never been touched by a guy. I dont know how on earth I ended up in this mess.

I feel used n abused. Please help me.

:sl:

Wow sis,im really shocked and sorry to hear this..im afraid your taking this too lightly..if its as serious as it seam then i recomand you tell someone quick before it gets worse,if your like me you probably dnt wantto tell your father,if so then tellyour sister,aunt,close friend,Mother,basically anyone your comfortable telling
i hope you get things figured put soon Insh ALLAH


:w:

[BlackMamba]

You should get a restraining order

[crayon]

Just b-tchslap him anytime he comes near you. Simple.

If he still won't stop scream your lungs off and yell that this guy is attacking you. That ought to get him away from you inshallah.

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[Brother_Mujahid]

no jumping to conclusions. but your account brings up or raises some questions...

1. you say your practising yet you gave your number, spoke to him over the phone.
2. you spoke to him while alone.
3. you choose to accept a loser as a potential husband who doesnt respect women.
4. if you were serious about resisting keeping him away, you would have done something about it before it reached a third time.

so my advice.

Find a better guy and leave him and anything to do with him, just ignore him. put him on block and delete him. You dont want to waste your time with someone like that. believe me.

i suggest you read the beautiful, wonderful story of yusuf reflect ponder and draw your own lessons and plan of action.

if your stuck, need help or unsure just gimme a shout and i'll help you.

[north_malaysian]

the first thing that you should do is to stop calling him "a brother".

[coddles76]

May ALLAH SWT protect you sister
I guess most of us here will never know the whole story but my only advice is that if you really wanted to protect your modesty and are quite serious about it then you should be quite serious in your actions in resolving the issue. Maybe he thinks your not serious enough in your rejections, You have to strengthen yourself and guard yourself from such harm as this matter is not looked upon lightly. Maybe you should inform someone from his side so that they can put him back into order. I suggest informing his parents because they (If anybody) should have the strongest control over him.

[Abu Ibraheem]

grow a mostache :D

Salamun Alaykum, sorry if my jokes out of place, i only hope to lighten the burden you have at the moment with that comment.

You need to put your foot down, and if he does not listen, then do not bother talking to him, even if you have to pretend he does not exist. If he gets forceful, then tell the male members of your family. Sometimes action is needed, and if you even have to file a complaint with authorities, which none of us want, but as last resort, then do so.
Your situation is not an easy one, and you are not alone. I just hope there are sisters here that are not afraid to give you advice from their possible experience.

Wasalams

[jzcasejz]

no jumping to conclusions. but your account brings up or raises some questions...

1. you say your practising yet you gave your number, spoke to him over the phone.
2. you spoke to him while alone.
3. you choose to accept a loser as a potential husband who doesnt respect women.
4. if you were serious about resisting keeping him away, you would have done something about it before it reached a third time.

so my advice.

Find a better guy and leave him and anything to do with him, just ignore him. put him on block and delete him. You dont want to waste your time with someone like that. believe me.

i suggest you read the beautiful, wonderful story of yusuf reflect ponder and draw your own lessons and plan of action.

if your stuck, need help or unsure just gimme a shout and i'll help you.

JazaakAllaah khayr, that's what I call good and honest advice! :thumbs_up

[Lonely Gal]

don't ans his calls, change your number, if you dont speak to him less chance of meetin each other.
If somehow you come face to face, ignore, walk away..
after the 1st time he forced himself, how have you managed to get into a situation where he can do it again??

[anonymous]

I am saddened that some of u are judging me. You dont know me, so please dont say things like "if u really wanted to protect ur modesty u wudve stayed away". Allah knows me.

Brother Mujahid, u are so disrespectful n judgemental I really cannot believe that u call urself a brother. How on earth did u know that I personally gave him my number? He somehow managed to get it from the muslims in my school. Not that I need to prove u anything but So much for making "excuses" for ur fellow muslims.

I dont appreciate ur insults either. Wat a great way to give dawah just insult n humiliate.

And for the record I did not consider him as a potential husband. That thought actually never crossed my mind. I did want to see if there is more to him besides his looks.

Alpha dude dont piety me pls. I have a mind Alhamdulilah and I am not as weak as u are trying to describe me.

And I have no plans to tell my Father, I dont intend to see him on the news paper in the next 24/hours. Neither my Brothers, although I am very close with them, I dont want them to beat anybody n get into trouble because of me.

Jezklahkhayr.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

dam i feel like beating this idiot up myself :| like the muslim who killed a man for harassing a sister and then got killed and then the whole army went marching!!!!


seriously sis scream your lungs off, swing those fists! kick his a$$ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[IbnAbdulHakim]

oh and you can try implementing the niqaab.


always a plus

[Brother_Mujahid]

I really cannot believe that u call urself a brother.

i am still your brother and really mean only goodness for yourself. i didn't mean to come across as someone who does not care, because i DO care.

Theres not much else i really can say because like you said we don't really know you, have you tried speaking to a close friend just to let out your thoughts someone other then family?

once again forgive me for my harshness and lack of respect.

May Allah fix your affairs and set them right. Ameen.

Wasalam

[Al-Zaara]

Selam aleykum,

Please, don't feel offended by what BM and AD said, these brothers I'm sure tried to honestly advice you and as for many of us, this situation arose some anger inside and then it is hard to try to stay very calm or objective or non-judgmental. InshaAllah you can look pass what offended you and see their care for their fellow Muslim. Yes, they drew some conclusions, but who doesn't do that?


OK, now let's see the thing realistically and I'm not here to judge your Emaan or commitment to Islam, I'll try to give as much advice as I can in how to get out of this situation. Three times is not such a big deal actually, if you look at statistics and research about similiar cases. Some start asking for help when it is waaay to late. But now as you see the seriousness in this, act acording to it. Don't feel scared. I haven't gone through as bad as you but I have been slightly harrassed myself and although I did put much resistance, I had to encounter the person more than three times. Oh, I'm fine elhamdulillah, by the way, it wasn't anything big at all, but I'm always cautious how small it even seems.

Anyways, back to you. I don't wanna sound macho or the like, but you, against this brother who obviously is strong if he manages to come that close to you? I see no chance for victory. Honestly, what is is that makes you not talk with your brothers? You could leave some details from what this man has done if you're afraid they'll loose control but make them realize it's important and serious. Father I can undestand you don't want to bring into this, but in a critical situation I'd even suggest you to tell him how bad it even is.

You need help by many people, males especially. I have trained some martial arts and know how to defend myself but even though I can beat people up, I asked for help my males when I found it necessary. I have no brothers, so I asked classmates or friends' brothers (adding to all friends together). They came and helped, and I'm very thankful. What I want to say is, you can find support easily if you only want to. Tell your close friends about this. The boss or teacher. You have to, don't keep this to yourself. It must be traumatic for you yourself, this is not something you can get over just my talking in a forum about it, you need the support my those in your life.

You did a big mistake by meeting him alone, but I wouldn't put much emphazis on that now afterwards, you obviously know that was a big mistake and won't do it again, inshaAllah. Don't do it again, whatever he says, whatever he does. Don't do it again.

Oh and save his messages and calls, but don't answer them back. You could show this to the police or teacher or boss or school psychologist, someone with authority, it's good evidence. I mean, you were alone and maybe no witnesses. He could act as if it never happened. And you know what, even better, call a lawyer and report him. Take friends and close ones so you won't feel weak or scared. Just do it, it's a great way to get your message of leaving you alone through and it gives relief.

The man obviously won't go away by just wishing and ignoring. He has gone too far for that. He could be dangerous, although you might think not. You wouldn't be the first one to underestimate a situation like this.


I'd like to hear what you think of my advice and reply soon inshaAllah, think well through what I said please. I don't want you to end up in another statistics of abused women. Astagfirullah.

[Abu Ibraheem]

oh and you can try implementing the niqaab.


always a plus

Salamun Alaykum

Thats actually a good idea, and also some new garms he is not familiar with, you know a new handbag also, no joke here. This could very well disiorientate him allowing you to walk by freely. Also the du'a that the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam used when he left Makkah for Madinah.

[Cabdullahi]

i think because of he's looks she's being lenient,she's just mesmerized,sister you basically opened up the opportunity for him to attack you,tell him to get away,he touched you before marriage,so if you marry him what will stop him from doing it to another girl. the marriage will end the way it started ,he touched you thats the start and the ending will be he touched another girl.If the marriage doesn't start halal it will very quickly diminish.

im Just trying to imagine what if he was a not so good looking dude what would've happened to the poor guy? you would of acted seriously and you would of told your parents and the pervert would never see daylight again, plz sister take this latter approach whether the guy is handsome or ugly

[AnonymousPoster]

oh and you can try implementing the niqaab.


always a plus

Thats what all of my friends suggest and my mother tells me to wear it too. InshaAllah if Allah gives me strength I would like to try wearing it. I am tired of all the attention anyway.

i am still your brother and really mean only goodness for yourself. i didn't mean to come across as someone who does not care, because i DO care.

Theres not much else i really can say because like you said we don't really know you, have you tried speaking to a close friend just to let out your thoughts someone other then family?

once again forgive me for my harshness and lack of respect.

May Allah fix your affairs and set them right. Ameen.

Wasalam

Jzk ameen Brother, Please forgive me. I know that u intended well, I just felt hurt. InshaAllah I have no bad feelings in my heart. I feel like I cant tell anyone, because its so not like me to be in this type of a situation. I feel like talking about it on here makes it less realistic for me.

I want to tell my mother, but I dont want to scare her and keep worrying about me everytime I set a foot out of our home. My mother loves me so much, She will be devasted. And I love her too much to worry her. I want her to be happy, she is so happy. Dont want to make her frown. And just the thought of drama etc.

Selam aleykum,

Please, don't feel offended by what BM and AD said, these brothers I'm sure tried to honestly advice you and as for many of us, this situation arose some anger inside and then it is hard to try to stay very calm or objective or non-judgmental. InshaAllah you can look pass what offended you and see their care for their fellow Muslim. Yes, they drew some conclusions, but who doesn't do that?


OK, now let's see the thing realistically and I'm not here to judge your Emaan or commitment to Islam, I'll try to give as much advice as I can in how to get out of this situation. Three times is not such a big deal actually, if you look at statistics and research about similiar cases. Some start asking for help when it is waaay to late. But now as you see the seriousness in this, act acording to it. Don't feel scared. I haven't gone through as bad as you but I have been slightly harrassed myself and although I did put much resistance, I had to encounter the person more than three times. Oh, I'm fine elhamdulillah, by the way, it wasn't anything big at all, but I'm always cautious how small it even seems.

Anyways, back to you. I don't wanna sound macho or the like, but you, against this brother who obviously is strong if he manages to come that close to you? I see no chance for victory. Honestly, what is is that makes you not talk with your brothers? You could leave some details from what this man has done if you're afraid they'll loose control but make them realize it's important and serious. Father I can undestand you don't want to bring into this, but in a critical situation I'd even suggest you to tell him how bad it even is.

You need help by many people, males especially. I have trained some martial arts and know how to defend myself but even though I can beat people up, I asked for help my males when I found it necessary. I have no brothers, so I asked classmates or friends' brothers (adding to all friends together). They came and helped, and I'm very thankful. What I want to say is, you can find support easily if you only want to. Tell your close friends about this. The boss or teacher. You have to, don't keep this to yourself. It must be traumatic for you yourself, this is not something you can get over just my talking in a forum about it, you need the support my those in your life.

You did a big mistake by meeting him alone, but I wouldn't put much emphazis on that now afterwards, you obviously know that was a big mistake and won't do it again, inshaAllah. Don't do it again, whatever he says, whatever he does. Don't do it again.

Oh and save his messages and calls, but don't answer them back. You could show this to the police or teacher or boss or school psychologist, someone with authority, it's good evidence. I mean, you were alone and maybe no witnesses. He could act as if it never happened. And you know what, even better, call a lawyer and report him. Take friends and close ones so you won't feel weak or scared. Just do it, it's a great way to get your message of leaving you alone through and it gives relief.

The man obviously won't go away by just wishing and ignoring. He has gone too far for that. He could be dangerous, although you might think not. You wouldn't be the first one to underestimate a situation like this.

I'd like to hear what you think of my advice and reply soon inshaAllah, think well through what I said please. I don't want you to end up in another statistics of abused women. Astagfirullah.

Jzklah khayr. I have been raised by 2 wonderful loving parents. I have never seen my father abuse my mom, nor any women in my family getting abused etc. So I dont have an abusive background Alhamdulilah. Which means that I wont let anybody do it to me. I will always defend myself shud there ever be a need. I dont think that I need a shrink.

I know right from wrong. I have given the guy a scar. He is bigger, but I still managed to hurt him. I will stay from him, and I will not answer his calls. Although he always calls with a private number.

He txts me and claims that I am what makes him touch me, because he "loves me". And that he never tried to go after girls, and I did hear from some muslims that its true and alot of girls would do anything to be with him. And that they are always throwing themselves on him.

Still though, I know better then to just marry someone just because they want to marry me.

Jzkelahkhyr Zara, i appreciate the time u took to write all that, shows that u care. Thanks, May ALlah grant u rewards ameen.

[Abu Ibraheem]

Unfortunatly, in most cases its the good looking guys that have sway over the views of people. Seekers of fame will defend him even if he is wrong. I fear that the sister may be also intimidated by the thought what would happen if she was to report this to the right people. She may even be looked upon by the seekers of fame in the wrong light and thus accused, only making problems worser.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

im Just trying to imagine what if he was a not so good looking dude what would've happened to the poor guy? you would of acted seriously and you would of told your parents and the pervert would never see daylight again, plz sister take this latter approach whether the guy is handsome or ugly

whoah, that is actually brilliant advice, mashAllaah

[Tania]

Change your timmings when you are out from home - if its posible always be in another woman company - man usually stay back if you are not alone. The police confirmed what you said already: the man always get to be more active if he is pushed away, so because of this in west - not in my country - are small defence white guns - like pepper spray, some electrical stuff. Here the police didn't tell us correctly what can we done with the man in question - so i presume still the bitting its up.

According to police we don't have any chance to bit a man :-[

[S_87]

sister, niqab is not necessarily a sign that tells people to back off these days, if he recognises you then its possible even with niqab he will come to talk to you. Can you kick well?

[MaiCarInMtl]

As far as I'm concerned, he doesn't even have the right to talk to you.

Next time he somehow talks to you, tell him politely that you will involve the authorities if he does not cease to contact you, that you will keep a log of every call, message, action and word and that this will promptly be sent to the police.

If he truly loved you, then he'd do things the right way. Obviously, he is only thinking of himself. Stay away!

[Eeman]

the first thing that you should do is to stop calling him "a brother".

:D LOLLLLLLLLL! thats funny.

Dear sis salam alaikum,

i apologise for loling before but it just reminded me of something else my dearest apologies,

sis, first of i know that sometimes the truth hurts every human being experiences this i myself have experienced it man many many times, to be honest too many times for my own liking, its human nature in general, but if you are not told the truth then how on earth will you realise??????

i know you said that brother mujahid was harsh and judgemental etc, but what he has said is the truth, ok sorry bro but maybe it could have been put in different working since you are very sensitive due to everything that has happened, but the fact of the matter is that you were talking to this guy and in contact with him, you knew his intentions yet you did give it the time of the day and in a way pursue it by listening to him, that in itself is something that a good muslimah does not do, (but hey no ones perfect) we make mistakes but the key of it all is to learn from it and never make it again.

the first time this happened to you, you could have put a full stop to it, there is no justification nor any reason or explanation for such a dirty and filthy act to take place on behlaf of this guy, i'm not gonna call him a brother cos people like that who have no respect for women should not be called brothers.

as a good and firm believeing muslimah our aim is to find a pius and firm believing righteous husband, and we should never setlle for anything less, this guy from the start through his actions has shown you what a disrespectful, guy he is, do you seriously think that words speak louder than actions? his actions are that he harrasses you indecently then his words that he wants to marry you?

come on sis, its a bit too obvious, he only sees you as a piece of meat that he wants and you want to know why he wont stop and what will make him stop, no it will not be marriage that he is seeking, it is you and the lust for you, bet you anything and i'm sorry to have to give you this example but if you were a astray woman like him, he wouldnt even bring this none sense talk of marriage up with you if you allowed him he'd have you then thats it he has got what he has wanted and he wont even want to know you no more.

but since your a muslimah and he sees that your a practising one thats why he is using talks of marriage to lure you and sweet talk you.

I dont care if this brother is God's gift to women and nor should you, yes you are right that is a very shallow way of thinking from your behalf and due to this thinking you have got yourself in a sitaution where this brother has done these things to you.

you need to open your eyes and see the truth! and i seriouslly suggest if you really are a good muslimah then you cut off all forms of contact from this guy and do anything and everything to avoid him, if it happens that you bump into him, walk off leave, if he restrains you from doing so then scream for help and make it known to him that you are no longer having it and he wil eventually get the picture.

these men think percieve and understand differently, after he did the 1st act you still gave him the time of the day i am sure you made it clear through your words and actions that it was wrong and for him not to do it again, but their way of percieveing and understanding is that yes youhave consented and yes he can do it again, so by you even picking up that call and giving him a sec to speak is your form of consent hence why it happened the 2nd time and now the third time.

so you disconnect him off through every mean and turn to Allah swt and ask for forgiveness, cos i am sorry to say sis but even if God forbid your mum gav this guy your number, and he called you, 2 wrongs never make a right nor wll or is that any justification for you to talk to a non mahram guy on the phone in such a manner specially when the intentions are not clean, by that i mean i seriously doubt you were talking to him or felt like you were talking to your own brother.

dear sister please dont talk anything i have said into pffence i have not judged you nor have any right to, we are all sinners in our own way, but our aim ad purpose of life for our own salvation is to strive hard to become pious and righteous slaves of Allah swt.by you listening to our advice here given nor is it gonna benefit us or cause us any harm, but as a member of our ummah nd as a muslim it is our duty to remind and try to guide people to the truth, so we are only fulfilling our duty, not saying things to upset you nor cause you pain cos that in itself is a sin to do so to another human being. so forgive me if i have said anything to upset you.

Ma salama.

[Pure Imaan]

Assalamualaikum sister

Heeeeeyyy sis, I agree with what my beautiful sis Eeman has said the way he treats women is disguting, and he does see you as a piece of meat .. u tel me where the bro lives and my brothers will come down and SORT him out lol .. nah violence is never the way to go .... sis listen to me this guy that is trying to tell you that he loves you is lying, I believe he is trying to flatter, he thinks he's being 'sweet' and that you will run into his arms, we all know that's not going to happen, my gorgeous sis FORGET about his looks, thats just icing on the cake, looks fade away, real beauty is within, their personality, character, imaan so on and so forth ... have a look at the guy's mind and character and you will see that he only wants one thing, may Allah (swt) guide him, ameen. Try your upmost to stay away from him, blank him, don't pick up witheld and private calls, be PERSISTANT sis, and he will get bored and go away, trust me sis you don't want to waste your time with this dude, these girls that you say that will do anything to be with him, that's only because of what you say, which is his looks, they want to be with someone that does not give the respect women deserve... just ignore him, don't bother even responding when he says anything to you, he will get bored, up and leave trust me, SOME guys in this world are are only after one thing, and when they can't get it they just leave. Trust me sis, try your best to block him from your life, I pray to Allah (swt) he gets the picture and leaves you alone, and that Almighty Allah (swt) guides him to the beautiful religion of Islam, ameen

Im here for you sis, PM whenever you want ... love yooouu ;-)

[Eeman]

I wasn't desrcibing you in that way. It's an observation I have made of sisters in general. Thus, I gave advice assuming it might be the same case with you. From what I have noticed, sisters tend to be naive and innocent minded, they assume the best of people. That's what I thought you might have been like, to have 'given him the time of day', as you said.

Regardless, I didn't pity you per se... perhaps felt sorry for you, out of concern, that's all.

Anyway, my advice is to never ever let him contact you in any manner whatsoever. If he sees you in the street, run. In the first instance, try not to go out alone... be with your brothers or a group of other people.

If he rings you from a private number, put the phone down straight away. Don't give him any attention. Better still, change your number and give it only to the people you trust.

salam alaikum brother, i totally agree with you cos it is very common in young women, and i myself went through that and no sister it is not a sign of weakness but innocence and yes niavety too in some aspects.

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

Asalamalaikum

I feel so bad. .

sis , this is a very serious matter. Talk to your parents RIGHT NOW.

May be they will scold u for few minutes , then InshaAllah they will do their best to protect you.

don't be afraid & take help of the senior members of your family / teacher / Police etc.

Also , keep praying & ask Allah for taking u out of this danger. May Allah help u , Ameen.

[Re.TiReD]

What the..!! What a muppet! :raging: What a useless WORTHLESS excuse of a human being! :raging: Arghh what scum! He needs dragging over to the other side, and I sure hope he finds it hot there! :raging:

Ahem, subhanAllah. Ok sis...Dont let yourself be alone when you leave your home, if he has sisters or female relatives you can talk to then do so insha'Allah. Maybe they can set him right.

Arghhhh...Argh just reading that got me soo angryy :raging: But Alhamdulillah for the brothers out there who actually care and would guard their Muslim sisters modesty, honour and chastity. SubhanAllah. I have no real advice to offer sis but may Allah (swt) protect you. Ameen :(

[dream gurl]

well..u sld slap him o tell sumone older if he kisses you by force nd he will do it again nd repeat it..he jus plying his ntt a respecful guy who fear allah..nwayz dont wait till next time cuz who knws u may neva knw wht gonna hppen next dont wait till HE RAPE YOU..cuz a guy dat does dat will lead him to do dat act? btw sis where do u liv in da usa?

[Danah]

Oh sis I hope you will go over this soon in sha allah
masha allah I see that all the brothers and sisters here is giving you the best advices they have...... I cant compete with them either.

I will try my best though

What I will say is dont take this to lightly, alhumdulilah that this is still the beginning but who knows what might happen in the future if the situation keep going like it is.
sister if you dont want to tell your brothers or parents then do you have an effective solution to stop that moron....? be honest with yourself, this is not something that you can take your time to think about what can be done.
if you keep resisting him as you currently do you will change nothing, this is simply because you are resisting all alone by yourself and actually will make him harrashing you even more like you said before. So, try to take an affective action.
I know its hard to make your family worried and sad about you but if you think very deeply about this....................
making them slightly worried about you is better than making them extremely sad for ever about you, and you know sister what I mean

that stupid cant be your future husband simply because if he dare to touch the woman before marrying her, who knows what he will do after marriage.

finally, about the good looks, this is the **** SATAN that makes him so good looking in your eye so dont get fooled.

and sorry if there was any offense in my advice sister, it is because I am so heated about your story :raging::raging::raging:
may Allah protect you and grant you a peaceful life in sha allah

[DaNgErOuS MiNdS]

Sad to hear hear what you have been put through, you need to get some other people involved be it teachers, family, firends. Dont just ignore it as it will get worse, and might even get yourself to look like you im some way encouraged it. So please make it you top priority to get people involved as this is something that is a criminal offence.

[anonymous]

Keep a pair of tweezers on ya 24/7 n threaten to poke his eyes out if he cums within 3 metres of ya aahahahahaha

seriously sis, tel ya brooooooooooossss man- this guy just thinks ur playin hard 2 get n believe u me hel continue harassin ya unless u do sumat bout it, bin der dun dat got the t shirt so act upon ma advice n dat

[crayon]

Carry pepper spray with you in your bag.
So spray him with pepper spray so he can't see and gets disoriented and THEN b-tchslap him.

[qassy!]

sister i am very sorry to here that. If i knew you, i would of broken this guys legs and put him in hospital seriouslyyyyy

EDIT: Now i got my anger out i can think, you need for forget about him. UNLESS His carrying on doing things, you say he lives near you, so he will contact police, tell your parents etc etc,

EDIT2: I am really sad this has happened to you, i am even more sad i dont know you because i would love to put this guy in hostipal. I hate when these scums do that 2 girls, are you sure you never gave him the wrong idea? like you where not flirting with him or anything?

EDIT3: I just read the FULL post of your sister. hmmm.......if this guy doesnt know you well, his obsessed with your looks, make yourself look ugly ?

BUt you need 2 talk 2 ur parents, what I dont understand when you met this guy did you go 2 his house or somthing or a public place? if u went 2 a public place u could of scream 4 help

SPeak 2 ur parents, call police, its sexual harassment, his a danger 2 u, do it

[Neo-Tech]

Call the police, they should so something about it.
Insha-allah, Allah will help you through

[anonymous]

Call the police, they should so something about it.
Insha-allah, Allah will help you through

the POLICE? C mon guys dats jus so OTT, why make a mountain out of a molehill- sis jus tel him wer 2 go or tel ya family

bro qassy ahahahahha ''make yaslef luk ugly'' ahahahhahahh

[aadil77]

dam i feel like beating this idiot up myself :| like the muslim who killed a man for harassing a sister and then got killed and then the whole army went marching!!!!


seriously sis scream your lungs off, swing those fists! kick his a$$ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't agree with you more^, if he took it this far I would get someone brothers or uncles etc to beat the **** out of him so he'd never even think of looking at you again. Don't take this lightly, he's invaded your personal space and took advantage of your body, you're keeping yourself chaste for a true husband, you should take this seriously and make sure that this guy gets battered properly , your mahrams are there to protect you, tell them to sort him out before this gets worse

[AvarAllahNoor]

Hmmm. read your post, seems like you'e aking it inyour stride. Why on earth would you even contemplate talking to him time and time again! You're encouraging his behaviour! You should try to keep a way, if h does it again, then your duty is to inform him ofwhat you'll do. As an outsider i'd say you were not serious about stopping this. (I get this from your post)

Fateh

[qassy!]

the POLICE? C mon guys dats jus so OTT, why make a mountain out of a molehill- sis jus tel him wer 2 go or tel ya family

bro qassy ahahahahha ''make yaslef luk ugly'' ahahahhahahh

bruv listen, shes been sexually harassed its not a joke bruv, ofc u need 2 call the police unless someone beats him up

[BlackMamba]

that's what I said like three days ago. Get a restraining order.

[qassy!]

that's what I said like three days ago. Get a restraining order.

Yes bruva you know what your talking about. Encase anyone else doesnt know a restring order is like that man cannot come within a certain disatnce from the sister

[Mikayeel]

:sl:

woww i am SHOCKED!! Sister u are taking this way nd way to lightly!! Actions has to be taken, tell ur father or brother that he is bothering u.

I am shocked at how serious this is, yet how lightly you are taking it :-S!!

Had this been my sister, and told me about such a guy. Then i would have sent him to the next life by any force possible!

[Brother_Mujahid]

Had this been my sister, and told me about such a guy. Then i would have sent him to the next life by any force possible!

but hold on, one second.

she IS your sister.

[Mikayeel]

but hold on, one second.

she IS your sister.

:sl:

Thats an excellent point my brother which i overlooked. I would do everthing within my ability to help her, and at this moment its only to give advice, and to pray for her.

Thank you :)

:w:

[aminahjaan]

I agree with Shakoor15 RESTRAINING ORDER.

In the mean time ignore him...


and if he comes and tries to mess with you again I WILL PERSONALLY go over there and whoop his sorry behind


It makes me so mad when some guy thinks he's all fine and fly and tries to mess with whoever he wants. This guy is seriously a freakin mental case... he's just aggravated that you don't want him the way other poeple do. And don't think for one second he's telling you the truth about all this marriage bull ...

[qassy!]

people say she should tell her parents, but how easy is to tell your parents you have been sexual harrased?

i know for a fact i would of put him in hostpial

[qassy!]

I agree with Shakoor15 RESTRAINING ORDER.

In the mean time ignore him...


and if he comes and tries to mess with you again I WILL PERSONALLY go over there and whoop his sorry behind


It makes me so mad when some guy thinks he's all fine and fly and tries to mess with whoever he wants. This guy is seriously a freakin mental case... he's just aggravated that you don't want him the way other poeple do. And don't think for one second he's telling you the truth about all this marriage bull ...

Sister i think the sister has tried to avoid him, but now she needs get in contact with the police for a restraining order, but that cant happen over night it has to go through the courts but undder the Protection from Harassment Act in 1997, shes allowed a restraing order !

[aminahjaan]

people say she should tell her parents, but how easy is to tell your parents you have been sexual harrased?

i know for a fact i would of put him in hostpial

Agreed,
I haven't been put in that situation, and anonymous is brave enough to come out about this. But you have to know when to say when even though it's hard. Would you rather be abused and hurt? Or come out and say this to people that can fix it and will help you....? You need to follow your instincts and do whats right (coughkickhisbuttcough). We don't know your life....so you decide...because as of now you're letting him control you. And you should NOT take that. He's just a stupid guy...Don't even front about him take charge.

[aminahjaan]

Sister i think the sister has tried to avoid him, but now she needs get in contact with the police for a restraining order, but that cant happen over night it has to go through the courts but undder the Protection from Harassment Act in 1997, shes allowed a restraing order !

yeah good pointt...

Well the sister might know a friend or a family member she can try staying with temporarily if he doesn't leave her alone. Because who knows what the psychopath will do next.

[qassy!]

Agreed,
I haven't been put in that situation, and anonymous is brave enough to come out about this. But you have to know when to say when even though it's hard. Would you rather be abused and hurt? Or come out and say this to people that can fix it and will help you....? You need to follow your instincts and do whats right (coughkickhisbuttcough). We don't know your life....so you decide...because as of now you're letting him control you. And you should NOT take that. He's just a stupid guy...Don't even front about him take charge.

i know but it depends on the family life, i mean some parents will beat her up for doing anything sexual if you know what i mean? but YES she needs 2 tell her parents and file a restraing order, but if i knew the sister well, i would beat the guy up and put him in hospital seriouslyy

[aminahjaan]

i know but it depends on the family life, i mean some parents will beat her up for doing anything sexual if you know what i mean? but YES she needs 2 tell her parents and file a restraing order, but if i knew the sister well, i would beat the guy up and put him in hospital seriouslyy

Yeah we don't know her life...but seriously SOMEONE needs to know..
same here I would just get my brothers to handle it.

[qassy!]

Yeah we don't know her life...but seriously SOMEONE needs to know..
same here I would just get my brothers to handle it.

We all know somone needs to know, but this of how the sister is thinking......she might be thinking like the following

i tell my mum or dad i done anything sexual they will beat me
i tell my mum or dad i met a boy they will beat me

etc etc...........

but obviouslly she needs 2 tell her parents and make sure the sister gets her restrain order filled...it will take a couple of months but she should get it......(thats if shes in the UK lol)

[crayon]

We all know somone needs to know, but this of how the sister is thinking......she might be thinking like the following

i tell my mum or dad i done anything sexual they will beat me
i tell my mum or dad i met a boy they will beat me

etc etc...........

Really good point, brother, a lot of the times due to idiotic culture and customs, when a girl tries to tell her parents something like this, they don't care about the details and whether what happened was in fact her fault or not, whatever she says backfires and they end up blaming her for what happened.

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

people say she should tell her parents, but how easy is to tell your parents you have been sexual harrased?

she does not need to tell them every details but the main problem that he is a threat to her security. she may tell her mom/aunt/cousins etc.

It must be hard for her to tackle the situation alone...she needs help of her family members/ teachers etc.

[Nájlá]

i am really sorry to hear this sis.

i really cant help u with anything but ur in my dua's sis

wait hangon why cant brothers from this forum meet this muppet and beat him up c'mon thats what guys like to do fight well some.

oh never mind stupied idea.
forget it brothers dont get ready

inshallah sis ur in my duas

[arabianprincess]

OMG... y r u sooo quite about it .. omg if it was me i woulda beat his ***** but seriously dont just stand there ... i mean do sometihn... if u cant then tell ur bro father uncle etc cousin if it was me omg it would be his last day... believe me hes just tryin to play it anit about hard to get etc... its all a game to him dont trust him... in case u did .. dont let him think he got a chance i mean after this.. hell no dont give him a chance he could be doing this to anyone ... DONT TRUST HIM .. red FLAGGGGGGGGGGGGGg

[Sharif]

May I ask something frankly ? You don't have to answer it here, but just think about it.

What amusement/satisfaction are you getting out of this situation? My hallucination is that it's fulfilling one of your deeper needs (need for attention, approval, sympathy, connection... or something else).

Hold on. Don't freak out just yet :).

Think about it. And then see HOW ELSE you can fulfill those needs (through means that will make you grow and make you more confident, insha'Allah). Take on activities that will challenge you, but which you'll enjoy doing. [I don't know about your hobbies or interests. I would choose something along those lines that also connect with my learning and growth.]

Just "knowing" what to do is NOT enough! Do it!

Make MASSIVE du'aa' and take MASSIVE actions, insha'Allah.

May Allaah grant you immense success in both lives!

[Sahabiyaat]

respecting everyones opinion, i think we should stop asking her if shes enjoying this, shes clearly not.Shes confused as to whats happend, how it got to this stage and how all hell may break loose if she tells someone.

Its a girl thing, only a girl can understand this, to put it frankly.

Sister, im really sorry for your messy situation, to watse time thinking about how you let this happpen, is useless, you cant turn back time, but you can prepare for the future, so thats what you should put your efforts into.

Everyones telling you to tell someone, but i know how you might be feeling about this, Its not easy to go and say this when you know, just as some mistakenly (ofcourse) made assumptions here, whoever you tell will immediately think the same and instead of getting support and consolation, you might land yourself up in a bigger mess.

Follow all the advice given, but if this psyco continues, especially if trys to touch you again, then obviously you knw, that he knws, you havent told anyone and wont be doing so.Hes taking advantage of that and might even be thinking your enjoying this, by not telling, you may just be giving out the completely wrong signal to his half a brain cell.Thats when you really have to go and tell no matter what the consequences.

Good on you for smacking him, you should have thrown in a punch too.

[Sharif]

Its a girl thing, only a girl can understand this, to put it frankly.

Hmm... That's a real possibility, although I've seen the sister coaches ask the same question I asked above. I hope it doesn't sound too strange. That question has nothing to do with accusation; it's totally about self-reflection and looking at the root to find the best solution.

Khayr, insha'Allah. May Allaah grant you serenity!

[anonymous]

Why is there another Anonymous posting? I hope that no one thought that it was me. I didnt post for days..

But I see that the insults never stopped. Sharif, I dont know what u are talking about. I would appreciate it if u exited this thread if u have nothing of value to say. I dont appreciate u making me look like I want "attention" or however else u've put it. You dont know jack about me, so Stop labelling me as a naive lil girl who wants attention.

I do have a life thank u. I also have hobbies, n I dont need to list them for for u either.

You''ll never know how much u've hurt me with ur post. I really hope that Allah forgives u because right now I cant.

The reason I started this thread was to share my problem with Muslims whom I thought wud advice me n some have alhamdulilah. The rest who took the mic n just kept insulting me, Thanks.

I have come him across in a store. He kept starring at me. He called me, And I didnt answer his calls. He also followed me n kept saying, "I know Ive made mistakes pls give me a chance, I missed u". I havent been out of the house for days...Anyway I didnt let his words effect me.

I have also decided not to tell my mother as I first intended doing. Telling this anyone is like admitting I've been defeated.

.................

[Cabdullahi]

Why is there another Anonymous posting? I hope that no one thought that it was me. I didnt post for days..

But I see that the insults never stopped. Sharif, I dont know what u are talking about. I would appreciate it if u exited this thread if u have nothing of value to say. I dont appreciate u making me look like I want "attention" or however else u've put it. You dont know jack about me, so Stop labelling me as a naive lil girl who wants attention.

I do have a life thank u. I also have hobbies, n I dont need to list them for for u either.

You''ll never know how much u've hurt me with ur post. I really hope that Allah forgives u because right now I cant.

The reason I started this thread was to share my problem with Muslims whom I thought wud advice me n some have alhamdulilah. The rest who took the mic n just kept insulting me, Thanks.

I have come him across in a store. He kept starring at me. He called me, And I didnt answer his calls. He also followed me n kept saying, "I know Ive made mistakes pls give me a chance, I missed u". I havent been out of the house for days...Anyway I didnt let his words effect me.

I have also decided not to tell my mother as I first intended doing. Telling this anyone is like admitting I've been defeated.

sister i hope i havent hurt you with my post :(

[anonymous]

sister i hope i havent hurt you with my post :(

it's ok. u didnt bro.

I have started this thread, so I guess i have brought it all upon me, I guess. As Allah wills.

[Re.TiReD]

it's ok. u didnt bro.

I have started this thread, so I guess i have brought it all upon me, I guess. As Allah wills.

:salamext:

May Allah (swt) bestow upon you sakeenah sis and keep you safe always. Ameen!

'Oh Allah, cover our faults and calm our fears safe. Oh Allah, avenge us over those who have oppressed us and grant us victory over those who have wronged us. Oh Allah, do not cause our enemies or those who envy us to take malicious joy in our misfortune' - Ameen! Allahumma Ameen!

:wasalamex

[anonymous]

I think you can take something positive out of the posts and you didnt cause this to yourself,just stay strong sister and make dua:)

InshaAllah thanks akhee.

:salamext:

May Allah (swt) bestow upon you sakeenah sis and keep you safe always. Ameen!

'Oh Allah, cover our faults and calm our fears safe. Oh Allah, avenge us over those who have oppressed us and grant us victory over those who have wronged us. Oh Allah, do not cause our enemies or those who envy us to take malicious joy in our misfortune' - Ameen! Allahumma Ameen!

:wasalamex

Jzkalah khyr sis.
Ameen Ya rabil alamin.

MaY Allah grant u jannah sis n the bro ameen.

[Muezzin]

Asalamalaikum

I feel so bad. This has now been the 3rd or so times that this had happened. There is a brother who lives across the street from us. Several times he physically attacked me, kissed me by force. I tried to push him away, but he tells me that it actually makes him want me even more.

etc, etc

Get that slime a restraining order. If he tries it again, attempt to gouge out his eye.

I'm not joking.

Or if that's too extreme, kick him in the groin. Twice.

[Al-Zaara]

Sister... Selam aleykum.

I have also decided not to tell my mother as I first intended doing. Telling this anyone is like admitting I've been defeated.

You must talk with someone, get it out. Otherwise you'll surpress it and that'll cause you even more pain.

To tell someone isn't admitting defeat. See, he is already the looser for doing this. This is not a game or fight, this is being abused and treated badly off, with no respect and just taking it in by yourself... That'll only make the abuser happy. They think you are weak and you won't dare to talk with anyone about it. They want you to not tell, to fight by yourself. They have already hurt you deeply. This scar will be burning for a while. You need help, you need protection. What he needs is being dealt with. Like any other criminal. You are not the one who is weak or defeated. Real men don't rape, those who do are loosers, they are the weak ones. He is not a real man and doesn't deserve to have you alone as an opponent.

Think this through and I still request you to tell to someone, inshaAllah.

[Sharif]

But I see that the insults never stopped. Sharif, I dont know what u are talking about. I would appreciate it if u exited this thread if u have nothing of value to say. I dont appreciate u making me look like I want "attention" or however else u've put it. You dont know jack about me, so Stop labelling me as a naive lil girl who wants attention.

Hmm... Now I see how you would consider that to be an "insult." Oh man! [I remember someone warning me about this: when a hundred people say something hundred different ways, they all think there's one hundred different views---even though there's only one.] It's obvious that we're not both talking on the same plane. True, you didn't get what I said. As I don't know enough about you, you don't know enough about me either. Khayr then.

If I thought you were "naive lil girl," I wouldn't have even bothered posting. I value time and I value people's dignity. My goal from this post was to help you become an outstanding person, even if I don't know you.

I do have a life thank u. I also have hobbies, n I dont need to list them for for u either.

No need. I wouldn't want you to list anything. It's not about what "I" or "someone else" thinks. Who are we to do anything? It's YOUR life and you're in control.

You''ll never know how much u've hurt me with ur post. I really hope that Allah forgives u because right now I cant.

It's very interesting to me. Do you know why? Because that's not the first time I heard it. People don't "get" what is said at first. They say: "Why are you being so rude?" Because they're used to everyone being "nice" to them.

So when I say something that doesn't rhyme with their comfort zone, their first instant reaction is: "It's you! Why are you saying that to me?" instead of thinking about what's being said.

Later on, when they are quite and calm, they dig a little deep, and to their surprise, they find out. You may not forgive me now. But I have full confidence that you will, insha'Allah. I'm not gonna pity you or feel sorry for you. You deserve more than that. And I'm not going to lower my standard just because you don't "get" me right away. I only hope that you raise your standard and become the next version of you.

The reason I started this thread was to share my problem with Muslims whom I thought wud advice me n some have alhamdulilah. The rest who took the mic n just kept insulting me, Thanks.

Because I still have "limited" access (as I just learned about this forum yesterday and the only folder I came straight to is "Advice and Support" because I know how that helped me in my life and I have confidence in me as how I can help others), I've asked the moderators to delete my previous two posts. I don't care a bit if my posts stay or I am perceived as being insulting. What matters is that you raise your standard and let this experience shape your life in a way that you become a stronger, a more confident, and more resilient person--a truly outstanding slave of Allah.

May Allah forgive us and grant us great success.

[Sharif]

Ok. A moderator has asked me to explain it a little more. So, here goes:

As human beings, we tend to stay attached to our familiar surroundings. Familiar places, times, environments etc. help us become comfortable in our "comfort zone."

So, whenever there is a need to change, we CAN'T, not that we don't want to!

Let me give you a very simple example: let's say Fatima wants to memorize the Qur'aan. OK?

Now, Fatima has been wanting to memorize the Qur'aan for a long time, but she never got herself to do it. She says: "Gosh! I really want to, but I just don't know how I can!"

CAN she memorize the Qur'aan? Yes. (Because she's an "A" student)

WILL she memorize the Qur'aan? Hmm... That's exactly the point!

For Fatima, the EFFORT & DISCIPLINE that is required to memorize the Qur'aan is much greater than NOT memorizing it. Does that make sense?

In other way, what is she trying to avoid? She's trying to avoid the PAIN of disciplining herself to do this. In her mind, that's too much.

Is she having any current pain? Oh, sure. She can't give reference from the Qur'aan properly. She recites the same surahs everyday--there's no joy in her recitation during prayer. When someone quotes an aayah, she feels bad that she can neither translate it nor continue on to the next aayah.

As of now, enduring those little pains is easier for her than to go through the discipline and effort of memorizing the Qur'aan.

Are you following me so far? Yes? OK.

Fast forward 5 years. She's in college now. And she's super-duper active in da'wah. Those tiny little pains that she used to be okay with, now have grown so large that they're unbearable for her. She can't take it anymore. NOW, the PAIN of those things combined is much more powerful than the pain of required effort and discipline.

On the flipside now, what's the pleasure that she's trying to gain? She will be able to recite anywhere from the Qur'aan, without looking! She will be able to give references now very easily. She will be able to make her salaah so sweet by reciting a different page everytime. She will be able to sharpen her Arabic and be able to understand the Qur'aan. She can teach her kids Qur'aan and help them memorize the Qur'aan very well. You see, the PLEASURE she now can have BY memorizing the Qur'aan is much more powerful than the PAIN she would have to endure.

Now, what does that have to do with anything?

We---human beings, every single one of us---do EVERYTHING for one of two reasons:

1. To gain pleasure or
2. To avoid pain

I mean EVERY single second of our life, this is true. Why are you reading this long explanation? Because you thought by doing so, you'll know something---maybe (PLEASURE). If you didn't read this long explanation, you might have missed something---maybe (PAIN).

Why do yo eat? pray? sleep? talk? keep silent? go out? get angry? be nice? pursue a degree? anything?...

It's ALL either to avoid pain and to gain pleasure. Of course, as Muslims, our ultimate motivation is to gain Allaah's pleasure and to avoid His punishment.

Let's take a quick example from this thread (it's just an example to make the point clear; the example itself is not the whole answer)

She doesn't want to tell her parents. Why? Because doing so will mean more PAIN. Someone suggested that when it goes too far, she will have no choice! Why? Because at that point, the PAIN of NOT telling them will be much more than telling them about it. Makes sense?

Anytime we procrastinate or dwell in a disempowering action/pattern/behavior, we think that taking on a new empowering action/pattern/behavior will be much more PAINFUL. So, we follow the same routine, do the same thing, yet expecting different result! (That's called "insanity.") However, when we reach our threshold, when we can't take it any more, when we've had enough, when we're fed up with it, THAT's when we change. Isn't that a little too late? Majority of the time: yes.

But the good thing is: we don't have to wait until it's too late. We don't HAVE TO reach that threshold. If we take a look at ourselves with brutal honesty and face the reality, we'll figure out exactly what's stopping us. Why am I still in a bad situation? Am I not feeling the PAIN strongly enough? Is my current temporary PLEASURE going to let me end up with sever PAIN in the long run?

Just like Fatima, just a little bit of reframing can be very powerful. What would be the short-term pain for Fatima (in memorizing Qur'aan)? The short-term PAIN would include getting up before fajr, and not being able to stay up late at night and chit-chat (just two quick examples). What would be the long-term PLEASURE? Having the Qur'aan in her heart. Being able to do what should could not do before. Knowing that she could raise her future kids with the Qur'aan.

If you're lost, don't worry. The first time when I learned it, my head was spinning (well, not literally. But I didn't get it the first time). So, just give it some time.

Anyway, insha'Allaah, let me stop the explanation here. Let everyone decide for themselves. This explanation is not only for this thread. This would probably apply to any thread where there's a mention of any kind of change. Even when someone sticks to his or her false belief (including religious belief), the same thing applies. Abu Talib could not give up the temporary PLEASURE of status and respect from his tribesman; he avoided the PAIN of being ridiculed by his tribesmen; so he chose temporary PLEASURE and eventually ended up with endless PAIN.

By the way, it's never about the other person (no matter how much we rationalize it or put the blame on their shoulder). It's not about what he or she could, could not, did, or did not. It's always about me. Ask yourself: "What am I doing?" Because at the end of the day, I am responsible. Allah will ask me.

The question is: am I ready?

[sangeeta]

I am sorry to hear of your ordeal,but one can get away with their actions if you allow it.I dont think anyone is judging you,the guy obviously really likes you,and is being a pest.Like the others have mentioned dont let him anywhere near you.I mean he obviously behaves as a menance in private with you,would be good if he did offer a proposal to your father,to which you can decline quite publicly and sooner or later he will get the message loud and clear.Understand you dont want to create trouble,but please stand your ground and state there will be dire consequences if he ever tries such a thing with you again.
Be strong and hope that this will be the last of it.

[Tyrion]

:sl:

step one, inform the authorities, and/or friends and family. if that fails, just let us know and i'm sure a few bro's from this site will come down and make sure it stops for good. :D

:okay:

[M..x]

Raah this thread DRAGGING Blud. Man's only came hear to get some advise & Man's getting insulted and thing. To tha Thread starter...
Salaam Dudette, Me personally thinks...
1) You should just change your dijits, That way yeah you won't getting any pranks blah & oly give it out to your tightest mates
2) Dun't even walk tha way he does, just Spllluuuuuuuurt =D Like just run a mile if you see him
3) I personally think he should get jumped, buh thats just me =( I would tell someone close. You shouldn't have to fear that he'd du something erytime you see him. What an imbecile. Eurgh.
4) Its not your fault that he's mentally challenged, so just pray Allah be his guide. Now that you know that he's just a shallow lil' fool that got nothing better to do then chirpsing and having gurls all over him, just forget about him.
5) Remember you can't control his actions but you can control your own InshAllah. Let this be a lesson for all. MashAllah it takes bare to control your own nafs, so in a way be happy as meny would've given in.
6) Smilings =)
Braaaapppppp!!!!
Allahafz

[sister_islam]

Salam sister

Oh i felt so upset this is happening to you. Allah helps you.

How are you feeling? Dont worry you are not alone. There so many muslims sisters and brothers can help you. Please talk to someone about it...close freind, sister, uncle, brother. if you keep this in, your parents might see a change in your behaviour and you feel more stress out. please please talk to someone. You may not want to tell your parents or family but sometimes it is the best way to resolve situation. if you need a talk then talk to me or anyone else on here, your not alone. Dont go alone anywhere. Pray to allah for help. Hope he will see sense that you do not want anything to do with him. Hope allah helps you. :cry:

[mas]

ay sista they were tryin to help u .. so u just need to apperciate it .. cuz they care about u .. n believe me if u were my sister i woulda killed the guy n let me tell u one thing tell ur parents before he does n makes up lies .. i know these kinda things guys do... peace

[chacha_jalebi]

as salaam ma alaykam

dont be fooled by looks, in 20- 30 years time, we will look like a worn out wrinkly foot :D

also sister either you have to punch him up or you should inform a male, because he needs to be put in the same situation you were, forced into a wall and he has to be beaten up, thats the only way these typa people learn!

for you sister, i would say, you have realised how he is, so forget givin him another chance, make sure you tell someone though, because it will make you feel better inside!

aaaaaa, it really makes me wana punch someone, when i hear stuff like this, sister please do tell a strong male or someone who is willin to punch him up! please!!

also dont you worry, inshallah you will find a heavy heavy husband, who is waaaay more good lookin then him and is goood lookin from inside, dnt let him get to you, like you confided on the net, confide to someone else around you inshallah

[muslimma]

:arabic6:

no jumping to conclusions. but your account brings up or raises some questions...

1. you say your practising yet you gave your number, spoke to him over the phone.
2. you spoke to him while alone.
3. you choose to accept a loser as a potential husband who doesnt respect women.
4. if you were serious about resisting keeping him away, you would have done something about it before it reached a third time.

so my advice.

Find a better guy and leave him and anything to do with him, just ignore him. put him on block and delete him. You dont want to waste your time with someone like that. believe me.

i suggest you read the beautiful, wonderful story of yusuf reflect ponder and draw your own lessons and plan of action.

if your stuck, need help or unsure just gimme a shout and i'll help you.

DITTO

grow a mostache :D

LOL

good advice al round dont know whther there is nefin i can add except that one big mistake was to meet the guy ..defo not good move..but enshalah we all make mistakes and i hope and pray enshalah that things sort themselves out quickly for you...

..you may also want to seek professional help to deal with it..i you feel it has affected you a lot ..<3

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ proffessional help suxx, they just money hungry people IMHO (in my honest opinion)

i prefer turnin to a friend/brother/cousin etc, that helps a lOT


but this sister seems strong, i doubt its even phased her

[AnonymousPoster]

Jzkilahkhyr to all.

Sharif I have forgiven you. I understand that u meant no harm, ur (recent) post also made me think alot. Thanks for ur time I appreciate it.

Sangeeta, tnks but I dont think that I wud want him to come to my Dad and ask for my hand, even if its to reject it. That will not disencourage him.

Al-Zara, Jzkilah but I just wanted to say that I have not been"Raped".

Muslimgyal Jzk sis, ur sweet!

How are you feeling?

Salam sister-Islam. I am feeling fine sis. How ru? Thanks for asking dear sis.

I am now on vacation wit my family, I'm jst enjoying my time wit them. I dont want any drama nor any sort of pity and spoil our vacation. So I havent seen him round. My friends told me that he's planning to come and ask for my hand when we're back. I already told him that he shouldnt...We'll see.

Andd I dont need a Shrink, Allah will Suffice.

[sister_islam]

:sl:

Awww Allah bless you...Yes i am fine but thinking about you...have fun on your vacation. try not think about it. You deserve this holiday. Dont let him ruin it... have fun..bond with your family.

If he comes to ask about your hand to your father, You can tell him that you dont want to and your not ready. It is simple but please tell your brothers or someone close. This is very hard to be quiet about...

just have fun and dont think about it. Hope allah is in your prays and answers them. Inshallah when you come back home, everything will cool down...

[Al-Zaara]

Al-Zara, Jzkilah but I just wanted to say that I have not been"Raped".

I never said you have, it was just an expression. To feel raped can be emotional and physical, and it doesn't even need sexual intercourse. Anyways.

InshaAllah whatever you do will turn out to be good for you. May Allah protect you inshaAllah and save your family from harm! Amiin.

Selam aleykum.

[confused318]

Assalamu alaikum,

Even if he is extremely good looking, that does not excuse his behavior or give him a right to act like that. But maybe he can tell that you find him good-looking and that spurs him on. I understand that you were offended by some of the comments posted by the brothers, but I think it is necessary for you to clarify your interactions. You live near each other but is there a way to avoid each other or are you somehow forced to interact because of circumstances you cannot control?

[101193]

asc sis
im really sad to hear these kinda stuff it happened to me once and i talked to my best friend and she told me to tell a cuz to beat da **** outta him and i did my cuz got really angry when he heard about it when out da and i was wondering wat he was gonna do so me and my friend followed him and (da guy lives 1 street away)wow it was nasty fight otha boys were tryin 2 back up da guy buh my cuz tuaght him lesson
that was at da begining of summa so me and my fam went on holiday an after we came back he didnt stop and got so serious dat my aunt got suspecous (im **** at spellin ) and asked few questions and in da end it all came.one of mate like da guy so her mum heard rumors saying dat we had fight ova him,her got so pissed at her big bro and he went straight out and got da guy from da netcafe got him down at dey're house we were callled and his parents were called dey're was a big argument and his mum neva belived it cuz she was used to gurls drowlling ova him andi was banneed to go out by myself for da nxt 3 wks buh it all came throw and now im on holiday so when i go back kheir inshallah
anyz enough of my life tym. id say tell ur bro to go bang him and if he still doesnt leave u only den tell ur parents (they will get angry and fink it ur fault but once theyre calm they will fink of somewat inshallah
may allah help u ameen:cry::cry:

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

..... My friends told me that he's planning to come and ask for my hand when we're back. I already told him that he shouldnt....

before taking any major decision like marriage , pl. offer Ishthekhara prayer .

May Allah help u sis always .

Allah is sufficient for us but He did not forbid us about taking pre-cautions . So , when u come back home , don't go out alone . Either go out with ur dad or bro ( without explaining them the reason if u don't want to ) or call ur friend / neighbour .

Keep a mobile phone with u so that u can call police / family members in case of emergency.

[youngsister]

Raah this thread DRAGGING Blud. Man's only came hear to get some advise & Man's getting insulted and thing. To tha Thread starter...
Salaam Dudette, Me personally thinks...
1) You should just change your dijits, That way yeah you won't getting any pranks blah & oly give it out to your tightest mates
2) Dun't even walk tha way he does, just Spllluuuuuuuurt =D Like just run a mile if you see him
3) I personally think he should get jumped, buh thats just me =( I would tell someone close. You shouldn't have to fear that he'd du something erytime you see him. What an imbecile. Eurgh.
4) Its not your fault that he's mentally challenged, so just pray Allah be his guide. Now that you know that he's just a shallow lil' fool that got nothing better to do then chirpsing and having gurls all over him, just forget about him.
5) Remember you can't control his actions but you can control your own InshAllah. Let this be a lesson for all. MashAllah it takes bare to control your own nafs, so in a way be happy as meny would've given in.
6) Smilings =)
Braaaapppppp!!!!
Allahafz

:sl: ^^^^Why are you refering to yourself as a man?:X:w:

[Tania]

:sl: ^^^^Why are you refering to yourself as a man?:X:w:

Where did you read that :? :-[

[qassy!]

:sl: ^^^^Why are you refering to yourself as a man?:X:w:

its slang!

[A_Way_Of_Life]

:sl:
There are many good advise here. :clever:

Talk to some one like your parents, or/and the cops and pray to Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala for help.

I hope I did not give any wrong information. :)

[youngsister]

:sl:

its slang!

Oh ok :-[
Tania lol not you just a sister referred her as a man but apparently is slang lol

Anyways back to the topic the answer that have been given are all very good masha allah.

Sister i really hope everything works out for you and please next time he comes near you just warn him that you going to call the police and even do it if necessary and make dua!

[arabianprincess]

salam wa 3lykom sister


just out of curiousity ... r u considerin him as a husband .. is that a kinda man u want . i mean clearly it shows he anit religious n doesnt fear allah . i mean Seriously is he going to be a good model for ur kids n a grt husband come on now thats a TRUN OFFFFF if he dared to touch u like that im tell u now he doesnt have any respect for u.... n believe me good looks wont take u no where ... at the end of the day its his personalty that would matter... sometimes ppl be thinkin oh i can change him/ her ... n the answer is U cant change anyone if they aint willin to change for them selves...im not sayin u said it but im sayin in general. and as many ppl told u go n tell someone at least ur mom .. she wont judge u .. n plus she ll help u.. believe me i was once in that situation bas el hamduallah .. i told my mom n she did help me alot even though my dad has no clue till today .. but HE got wat he deserve... all im sayin honestly be carefullllllll n try not to take it as we tryin to be mean or anythin but im tryin to help u as much as i can .. cuz i once was in ur situation .... so i can relate.

p.s i didnt mean to offend u im just tryin to help u see .. at the end its ur call rite .. take care .. salamz

[M..x]

Sorry for all the controversy I caused...Well its slang... Lol..Sis hope your kewl. Take care x

[limitless]

no jumping to conclusions. but your account brings up or raises some questions...

1. you say your practising yet you gave your number, spoke to him over the phone.
2. you spoke to him while alone.
3. you choose to accept a loser as a potential husband who doesnt respect women.
4. if you were serious about resisting keeping him away, you would have done something about it before it reached a third time.

so my advice.

Find a better guy and leave him and anything to do with him, just ignore him. put him on block and delete him. You dont want to waste your time with someone like that. believe me.

i suggest you read the beautiful, wonderful story of yusuf reflect ponder and draw your own lessons and plan of action.

if your stuck, need help or unsure just gimme a shout and i'll help you.

Ditto bro :)! Excellent of you to point that out. When I finished reading, im like, she has to be joking. If he touched you, and kissed you, he can be jailed as far as i know, and be charged as well, yet you don't do that. Also, you calim your practising yet you are attracted and talk to him. Very absurd. anyway, this brother said it all that needs to be said. Now its up to you.

[Islamic Brother]

I am saddened that some of u are judging me. You dont know me, so please dont say things like "if u really wanted to protect ur modesty u wudve stayed away". Allah knows me.

Brother Mujahid, u are so disrespectful n judgemental I really cannot believe that u call urself a brother. How on earth did u know that I personally gave him my number? He somehow managed to get it from the muslims in my school. Not that I need to prove u anything but So much for making "excuses" for ur fellow muslims.

I dont appreciate ur insults either. Wat a great way to give dawah just insult n humiliate.

And for the record I did not consider him as a potential husband. That thought actually never crossed my mind. I did want to see if there is more to him besides his looks.

Alpha dude dont piety me pls. I have a mind Alhamdulilah and I am not as weak as u are trying to describe me.

And I have no plans to tell my Father, I dont intend to see him on the news paper in the next 24/hours. Neither my Brothers, although I am very close with them, I dont want them to beat anybody n get into trouble because of me.

Jezklahkhayr.

IF YOUR NOT GOING TO TELL YOUR FATHER OR YOUR BROTHERS THEN......

I SUGGEST YOU GET REAL ADVICE FROM THE SHEIKH OF A MOSQUE NEAR YOU....YOU KNOW IF YOU LIVED IN ANY ARABIC COUNTRY YOU COULD JUST TELL THE POLICE ...THEY CALL THAT SEXUAL HARRASSMENT AND IT IS TOTALLY HARAM AND ILLEGAL.

:salamext:

[qassy!]

IF YOUR NOT GOING TO TELL YOUR FATHER OR YOUR BROTHERS THEN......

I SUGGEST YOU GET REAL ADVICE FROM THE SHEIKH OF A MOSQUE NEAR YOU....YOU KNOW IF YOU LIVED IN ANY ARABIC COUNTRY YOU COULD JUST TELL THE POLICE ...THEY CALL THAT SEXUAL HARRASSMENT AND IT IS TOTALLY HARAM AND ILLEGAL.

:salamext:

Same as the UK they will call it Sexual Harassment, and she will be able to get a restraining order in place. Dont you think she would be embarrassed / scared going to the mosque for advise ?

[Abdu-l-Majeed]

@ anonymous:

Wa 'alaykumus-Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh!

My respected sister,

May Allah make it easy for you. My sincere advice would be: call or mail a shaykh. Al hamdulillah, you can do it anonymously, 100%, as you have forums. I'd suggest you godint to Multaqa Ahl al-Hadeeth. There come brothers who are learned in Qur'an and Sunnah, and Qur'an and Sunnah are Allah's words and words of His SWT Messenger, and surely Allah knows best. Al hamdu lillah, you're a muslimah, so you already know where you can search for an answer. I could give you a few advice, but a miskeen in knowledge can't add much to these 7 pages.

So, plz do take advantage of the site I mentioned to you. Also, if there is anything we can do anything for you, plz do not hesitate a second to contact your sisters and brothers here.

[usman2468]

Sister,
The first thing. Please stop calling him a brother. Such a person who emotionally tortures other muslims and harrases women is no brother of muslims.

I know it may be difficult for you to resist him. So I would suggest that you better tell your parents about him. But if you are too scared then if you have a brother, tell him about it. In any case try your best to prevent being alone with him. And please practice naqaab.

I would like to make a suggestion here. If you marry such a guy who is so deeply rooted to evil then, no offence, but you probably will adopt the same practices. Please don't plunge into the hell fire.

[AnonymousPoster]

A few months ago When I started this thread, I have taken all of ur advices into consideration and have stopped answering any private calls on my mob.

I bumped into him yesterday in another city! He called it "fate" bringing us together. I walked away he kept following me asking me to allow him to ask for my hand and that he would never marry if It isn't with me...?

That he changed, he kept apologizing for the things he did to me and asked me to safe him by marrying him. I didn't get that.

Some things will never change, I guess.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

seriously man NIQAAB


get teh message already!!!!

[The Ruler]

That he changed, he kept apologizing for the things he did to me and asked me to safe him by marrying him. I didn't get that.

He's referring to the sex.

Some things will never change, I guess.

You're wrong. Everything is capable of change. Everything and everyone. But perhaps you're not the right person/reason/substance to change the guy. I haven't read through the thread, but I don't understand why you're not telling anyone. Because if you have and they confronted him, then surely there ought to be some result?

Besides, the fact that you said he was good-looking somewhat made me feel as though you're not putting up enough resistance. I'm well aware of the fact that what I'm saying now might be totally out of boundary... I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm just suggesting what your first post seemed like. To me.

[AnonymousPoster]

He's referring to the sex.

???..I don't know wat your implying there?

[Zahida]

:sl: WHY???? are you letting this idiot anywhere near you and not running 500 miles in the opposite direction. You see him you walk far far away. He cannot stop you or talk to you unless you allow him...............:w:

A few months ago When I started this thread, I have taken all of ur advices into consideration and have stopped answering any private calls on my mob.

I bumped into him yesterday in another city! He called it "fate" bringing us together. I walked away he kept following me asking me to allow him to ask for my hand and that he would never marry if It isn't with me...?

That he changed, he kept apologizing for the things he did to me and asked me to safe him by marrying him. I didn't get that.

Some things will never change, I guess.

[AnonymousPoster]

^Why are you all getting so paranoid? I didn't allow him anything, and why must I run when I am in a public place?...

No need to accuse.

[AnonymousPoster]

^Why are you all getting so paranoid? I didn't allow him anything, and why must I run when I am in a public place?...

No need to accuse.

I know you get the impression that she was making assumptions, but she's not like that, she only wants the best, it was simply a tip! And You took it the wrong way,

I hope Yr feeling better now.

Anon309

[The Ruler]

???..I don't know wat your implying there?

I was saying that what the baka was reffering to by saying "make me safe" is the sex.

baka = idiot (sounds much cooler when said in a cool language

[AnonymousPoster]

I was saying that what the baka was reffering to by saying "make me safe" is the sex.

baka = idiot (sounds much cooler when said in a cool language

I don't think that's wat he meant. Allahu Allam. There was never any sex, so pls don't insult me.

Fear Allah how you speak to me, I am not a robbot I have feelings.

[youngsister]

:sl: dEAR Sis this guy is not mentally normal what a weirdo.

I am worried for you guys like him can turn into stalkers just tell him to stay away and call the police if necessary dont lead him on (i am not saying you are) just stay away from him he needs to get the message.

stay safe sis:)

[The Ruler]

I don't think that's wat he meant. Allahu Allam. There was never any sex, so pls don't insult me.

I'm not insulting you. If anything, I'm insulting the baka. I'm only saying that your efforts don't seem to bear much fruit. Perhaps you don't try hard enough.

I'm not saying that there was any sex. My guess is that he wants the sex and, aapparently according to him, anything without sex is fine outside marriage. He wants to do the ultimate thing with you i.e. sex, and he wants you to make it halaal for him by marrying him. Cheh.

I am not a robbot I have feelings.

Hmm-mmh.

[Banu_Hashim]

What a baka...

[Umm Hurairah]

Asalaamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu,

Praise be to Allaah.

One of the essential aims of sharee’ah is to protect people’s lineage and honour. For this reason, Allaah has forbidden zinaa and ordered that it be punished by whipping or stoning. And He has forbidden the means that may lead to zinaa, such as a man being alone with a non-mahram woman, sinful looks, and women travelling without a mahram or going out of their homes wearing perfume and make-up, clothed yet naked, seeking thus to attract young men and provoke their desires and tempt them away from their religious commitment. This also includes a man speaking to a woman in a deceitful manner, and her speaking to him in a soft voice so as to tempt him and provoke his desire, so that he will fall in her trap – whether this is done in person, over the phone, via correspondence or in some other manner. For this reason, Allaah forbade the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), even though they were good and pure, to make a display of themselves in the manner of the first Jaahiliyyah, or to speak in soft voices so as to provoke the desire of those in whose hearts was a disease; and He commanded them to speak in a manner that was honourable. Allaah said (interpretation of the meaning):

“O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women. If you keep your duty (to Allâh), then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner.


And stay in your houses, and do not display yourselves like that of the times of ignorance…” [al-Ahzaab 33:31-32]

So Muslim youths must fear Allaah, protect their chastity and lower their gaze. They should refrain from speaking or writing any obscene words of immoral romance or deceit. Muslim girls are obliged to do likewise, to remain chaste and not to go out wearing make-up, clothed yet naked.

It was reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There are two types of the people of Hell that I have not seen yet: men with whips like the tails of cattle, with which they strike the people, and women who are clothed yet naked, walking with an enticing gait, with something on their heads that looks like the humps of camels, leaning to one side. They will never enter Paradise or even smell its fragrance, although its fragrance can be detected from such and such a distance.” (Narrated by Ahmad and by Muslim in al-Saheeh).

If young men and women obey Allaah and His Messenger, and rise above worldly matters, keeping away from fitnah and sources of suspicion, that will be better for them, purer for their hearts and better for their reputations and their societies. And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Source

----------

The conditions for speaking to a woman to whom one is not related are mentioned in the following aayaat (interpretation of the meaning):

". . . And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen; that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts . . ." [al-Ahzaab 33:53]

". . . then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner." [al-Ahzaab 33:32]

Ibn Katheer, may Allaah have mercy on him, said in his Tafseer: "This means that they should not speak softly. Allaah commanded them to speak in a concise and decisive manner (i.e., they should be serious and brief in their speech, and not be vague or talk aimlessly). There should be no possible indication on the face that could be taken to indicate any softness in the heart, as the Arab women (before Islaam) used to do when speaking to men, by making their voices soft like women who are taking care of small children, or like prostitutes. Allaah forbade women to do that.

The phrase "lest he in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire" means lest such a person should hope for immoral deeds, indecency or romance. "Speaking in an honourable manner" means speaking in a way that does not go against Sharee’ah or offend people. Women are encouraged when speaking to men to whom they are not related and to mahrams among their in-laws to be somewhat rough or abrupt in their speech, without raising the voice, because they are commanded to lower their voice.

Speaking with a woman to whom one is not related (i.e., not mahram) should only be for a specific need, such as asking a question, buying or selling, asking about the head of the household, and so on. Such conversations should be brief, with nothing doubtful in either what is said or how it is said.

The idea of limiting speech with women to the five instances mentioned in the question needs to be approached with caution, because they could be taken as examples instead of limits. One must also adhere to the conditions set out by the Sharee’ah even in instances where such conversations are necessary, such as in da’wah, giving fatwas, buying or selling, etc. And Allaah knows best.

Source


May Allah (SWT) protect Muslim sisters everywhere from the fitnah of society. Ameen Thuma Ameen.

[Yanal]

Sister hope your problems get solved Ameen.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
subhanallah sis, sorry to hear this.
do you have brothers :? get them onto him.lol...men fear men, seriously.
dont do this alone...he needs to be taught a lesson. i dont mean bash up the guy or anything, but just a stare from will scare him off...

btw, do you wear a hijab :)

[Zahida]

:sl:Honey where you are being treated like this it does cause paranoia.........
It seems that this guy is after you and you are allowing him to pursue you.........come on you bump into him in another city?????????? and you manage to have a conversation with him, that implies that you wanted to, if you had been strong and not wanted to you could have walked away and simply said you do not wish to have a conversation with him...............

It all just sounds strange that you are having conversations with him and then posting a thread and saying he has sexually assaulted you. More than once, and little one you have allowed it to happen. You have obviously been alone with him when he has assaulted you. Or was it out in the open and others just stood and watched.

We are not having ago at you, simply responding to what you have told us. Do not be offended instead take time to think about what has happened evaluate it and keep away from him. Do you deserve that he can have a grope when he feels like it ??????? NO. As a woman you deserve respect, and you must respect yourself...............

Sorry for being harsh but read your posts again and think wisely about what you have said. If you are not open to criticism/advice as your brothers and sisters here have tried to give you then you should not have posted this thread............

:w::blind:

^Why are you all getting so paranoid? I didn't allow him anything, and why must I run when I am in a public place?...

No need to accuse.

[- Qatada -]

asalam alaikum


hate him and ignore him, stay away from him all the time and if he ever tries to get your attention - go to your family, or with someone who he never wants to see his likes i.e. your dad or something.


He isn't worth it because this is just a game for him, if hes a player - then he's doing all this for the chase, and later on - he isn't going to be committed to you, he's going to hurt you.

these people are like small kids who only want something because they can't get it, but when they get it - they want another toy. the whole joy just being behind the chase. this is what strangers like these find attractive about women who don't give themselves up freely, because they've used up all the ones which gave themselves up - but they hurt them and went for someone else.. now they want you, just to hurt you. Not to have a longtime relationship.

the promises are false, promises which they used on earlier girls, but these girls never got what was promised to them, because they lost the guy they dreamed of. Instead of this guy being their hero, he hurt them and was harsh towards them - so he could leave them, causing them heart-break and sadness, without any support from him - something which he had promised all the time... but never kept.


Read this for more info on what the player is really like;
http://www.islamicboard.com/health-s...tml#post609812

[Argamemnon]

I'm sorry to say that I find this a little suspicious. If someone harrassed me even once, I wouldn't allow him to do it again. You should tell someone in my opinion.

[~Taalibah~]

:s:
If you really do not want to encourage him and dont want him near you keep far away from him, go in the opposite direction you see him asap. You must run because he isnt, and you are the one thats going to suffer in the end.
Futher, you should tell your brothers (if you have) your father, or even let male cousins/friends know. If you do your duty in keeping away, he should get a thorough beating by them.

[Hamas]

Assalamu Alaikum

The way i look at it sister yeah is if you really wanted to you couldve stayed away from him very easily maybe you didnt ask for his number and he did get it from someone at your school but you did talk to him didnt you? and for him to assault you in any way you would have to meet him right? you say it happened quite a few times why didnt you learn from the first incident? im not being judgmental or insulting you becuase im no prize either im simply stating the facts.

If you want to stay away from him then it should be a doodle if you want to become a stronger muslima so that you could fight such temptations then work for it its not rocket science its all about what you want and the choices you make.

Assalmu Alaikum

[Niyya Safya]

Asalamu Alaikum wa Rahmat Allah

I read through the first page and a few replies in between so I don’t know all the advice that was given. I did see a lot of misunderstandings and jumping to conclusions...

I do not want to say how, but I do understand your situation. Well, I just wanted to give you something extra to what everyone has said because you mentioned that weakness (if you will) of his appearance. Think of it this way: he is hideous, ugly beyond your imagination on the inside. He thinks you are cheap & is using you, dishonoring you, belittling you to satisfy him. If he wanted to marry you, he would have asked for you already and my guess is that he likes the idea of getting something from a girl without being tied to the idea that he has to get married. In other words, it’s all pleasure for him without obligation/consequence (from both families) to him. If you ask me, he should have gotten married a looong time ago. Leave no room for sympathy/compassion/mercy/whatever kindness towards him.

Take extra precautions to never be in a place/situation where you would be subjected to that again. Stay near your parents or your brothers, go to the masjid for sallaa or for a women’s program if they have one at your local masjid... whatever. Forcefully kissing you won’t be enough for long and you have to keep that in mind. I don’t mean to patronize you – I’m sure you know this – but there are many things we know, but few things we realize. I don’t know how you dress, but take a second look in the mirror always. Finally, read ayat ulkursi & almu3awethat (i.e. surat annas, falaq…) – frequently; those are what are usually recited for protection. Leave no room for regret on your side. And make dua’a for yourself and him (not the kind where you say “O Allah, take his life" or “O Allah, **** him,” but something along the lines of “O Allah, guide him,” because people can change, just don’t let yourself take a second a look at him thinking ‘he has good in him’ or ‘maybe he’ll change’ or ‘maybe…’ – No.)

This is what I would tell my blood sister. I hope it helps you.

Peace.

[youngsister]

:sl:

118 replies... does this topic need to go on..

[BNDGR]

Asalam alaikum Sis,
I have been reading all of the posts here and there is some excellent advise being offered. Looks like its been a while since you saw him, but with a guy like this he doesn't respect women at all and certainly only see's you as an object of his lust. Sis, seems like he isnt harrasing you like before thats good, but from your last encounter seems like he is still after you and lusting over you. Don't beleive his stupid lies, he isn't going to just change, this is his personality and he doesn't seem to want to change. He will tell you anything to get you, but he is no better than a piece of dirt. You deserve a good muslim man who follows Islams teachings and this guy is not that guy.
Looks mabye attact initially but without a good character those looks don't even matter, he is ugly and disgusting inside.
Even if you guys got married, chances are that he wouldn't respect you and treat you well. Once he has you the challenge is over, and he would move on to another challenge.
Please Sis, take all the advise given here as very well meaning, and we all don't want to see our sister being abused in any way.
Take Care and inshaAllah you will be guided in what is best to do.

[Al-Zaara]

A few months ago When I started this thread, I have taken all of ur advices into consideration and have stopped answering any private calls on my mob.

I bumped into him yesterday in another city! He called it "fate" bringing us together. I walked away he kept following me asking me to allow him to ask for my hand and that he would never marry if It isn't with me...?

That he changed, he kept apologizing for the things he did to me and asked me to safe him by marrying him. I didn't get that.

Some things will never change, I guess.

So what do you want? Do you want us to analyze the last bit of what he said? Do say if this thread is a place where you vent your frustration out and not wanting any advice, but I'd suggest an even better place for that, namely to call a cop or psychiatrist, who'd give professional help, which I believe you might need if you start bumping him more than once from now on.

InshaAllah you'll get this situation out of your system all and for once and this guy won't ever bother you again.

[AnonymousPoster]

Asalam alaikum Sis,
I have been reading all of the posts here and there is some excellent advise being offered. Looks like its been a while since you saw him, but with a guy like this he doesn't respect women at all and certainly only see's you as an object of his lust. Sis, seems like he isnt harrasing you like before thats good, but from your last encounter seems like he is still after you and lusting over you. Don't beleive his stupid lies, he isn't going to just change, this is his personality and he doesn't seem to want to change. He will tell you anything to get you, but he is no better than a piece of dirt. You deserve a good muslim man who follows Islams teachings and this guy is not that guy.
Looks mabye attact initially but without a good character those looks don't even matter, he is ugly and disgusting inside.
Even if you guys got married, chances are that he wouldn't respect you and treat you well. Once he has you the challenge is over, and he would move on to another challenge.
Please Sis, take all the advise given here as very well meaning, and we all don't want to see our sister being abused in any way.
Take Care and inshaAllah you will be guided in what is best to do.

jasakAllahkhyr for the reply it meant a lot. I really don't have any trouble avoiding him at all. I have also no problem seeing the facts, I know that he's not good for me. I don't want anything to do with him. He has trouble getting it. I told my brother tonight, he's now on my case demanding I tell him who it is. My brothers are very protective of me. I love them to death, but they are known to show no mercy for such things. I know that I won't be going out anymore alone. My family trust me, I don't want them to watch every step I make. I know it's in my interest but I know that things wont be the same. Before this happened I could do anything, they would trust me. Now i'm very certain that my father will get over-protective, my entire family. My brother will probably tell everyone tomorrow. Including my mother.

I don't want to be any victim nor do I need any pity!! I wasn't raped u know.

Some people here are so brutal and mean they don't even realize it. Saying that I encourage him, pls give me a break. I came here to seek for advice not to be insulted.

[AnonymousPoster]

So what do you want? Do you want us to analyze the last bit of what he said? Do say if this thread is a place where you vent your frustration out and not wanting any advice, but I'd suggest an even better place for that, namely to call a cop or psychiatrist, who'd give professional help, which I believe you might need if you start bumping him more than once from now on.

InshaAllah you'll get this situation out of your system all and for once and this guy won't ever bother you again.

thanks inshaAllah...well words out now..

Sis wat made you think I need professional help? Whats that got anything to do with bumping into him?

[BlissfullyJaded]

:sl:

Alhamdulillah you told your brother. He has the right to know who the guy is, and it is good that he will tell your family. The over protectiveness will be kinda temporary, and the good thing is that they will be more aware now, and that is only for your own safety as you know so don't resent. I'm sure they will still let you do whatever you want, just as long as you're safe.

[Al-Zaara]

thanks inshaAllah...well words out now..

Sis wat made you think I need professional help? Whats that got anything to do with bumping into him?

Who wouldn't go mental if a guy like that came and went, harrassed and took a pause, then comes out as an "angel", begging for marriage? Hah.
If he now met you more often, don't you think it brings memories back, which I assume you want to forget? Professional help, a psychiatrist for example, can help to be an objecive listener and can guide as to how to behave and such. A cop can check his register and grant you restraining order.

edit: Ah, you told your brother! Excellent, inshaAllah things will go for the better from now on.

[islamirama]

jasakAllahkhyr for the reply it meant a lot. I really don't have any trouble avoiding him at all. I have also no problem seeing the facts, I know that he's not good for me. I don't want anything to do with him. He has trouble getting it. I told my brother tonight, he's now on my case demanding I tell him who it is. My brothers are very protective of me. I love them to death, but they are known to show no mercy for such things. I know that I won't be going out anymore alone. My family trust me, I don't want them to watch every step I make. I know it's in my interest but I know that things wont be the same. Before this happened I could do anything, they would trust me. Now i'm very certain that my father will get over-protective, my entire family. My brother will probably tell everyone tomorrow. Including my mother.

I don't want to be any victim nor do I need any pity!! I wasn't raped u know.

Some people here are so brutal and mean they don't even realize it. Saying that I encourage him, pls give me a break. I came here to seek for advice not to be insulted.

There was one sister who was walking home from school during ramadan. It was getting late and iftar had opened. As she passed by one of the houses, a brother called her out. He said to come in and open your iftar sister, its' getting late. His wife and kids are waiting inside. So she decided to go inside. He led her to the bedroom and there was another guy waiting. Then she realized she was tricked but it was too late. Instead of giving her food to pen her fast, they threw her on the bed and raped her. Then they let her go walk home. She went home all devasted, she told an aunt lady that lived near by and she took this girl to the hospital right away.

What we can learn from this is that one, you can't trust anyone these days. And two, anyone can be raped. You are lucky that he has only touched, kissed and groped you. Had this guy been given more opportunities, he would most certainily have raped you. How? well considering he has done it 3x and you failed to tell anyone gives him the impression you won't tell anyone no matter how many times he comes over to have a little "fun" with you. You're brothers, father and other male kin are your mahram for a reason. They are there to go to in times of trouble for help and protection. What they will do to this guy should be the least of your concerns, and your honor and dignity your top priority.

Lot of people have given great advice, some bit harsh and some bit gentle in approaching you. But the good thing that i was pleased to read was you telling your brother. It is their duty by islam to protect you. You should always go to them anytime there is any trouble. That is why Allah gave the sister's brothers, someone to look after them. This guy will no doubt try to get with you again, next time he tries coming near you, you should yell for help and continue yelling tell he runs away or someone comes. If somenoe comes and he tries to shake it of as nothing, tell that someone to call the police and tell them that this guy threatened to rape you. This will make the guy stay away, plus always tell your bros so they can break his legs so he doesn't come near you.

may Alalh protect you and make things easy for you inshallah.

p.s. whenever you leave the house, recite the proper daus.

Recite sura ayatul kuris and

bismillahi tawwakaltu'allahi wala holawala kuwata illabillahi

[qassy!]

Islamirama, the story that you posted is soo painful and hard to read. It really does sadden me. But, it does highlight how our sisters need to be very careful. They need to realise that there is danger in this world and that danger can strike from places where they would not imagine. I don't want to sound sexist or anything, but I think most sisters are quite naive, they're too trusting. I believe they need to be stronger and they should always always ALWAYS be 'on guard'.

May Allah make things easy for the sis and protect all our sisters from harm always, ameen!

its not being sexist its a fact, girls need to be more carfull. Ever heard of a man getting raped?

[BNDGR]

jasakAllahkhyr for the reply it meant a lot. I really don't have any trouble avoiding him at all. I have also no problem seeing the facts, I know that he's not good for me. I don't want anything to do with him. He has trouble getting it. I told my brother tonight, he's now on my case demanding I tell him who it is. My brothers are very protective of me. I love them to death, but they are known to show no mercy for such things. I know that I won't be going out anymore alone. My family trust me, I don't want them to watch every step I make. I know it's in my interest but I know that things wont be the same. Before this happened I could do anything, they would trust me. Now i'm very certain that my father will get over-protective, my entire family. My brother will probably tell everyone tomorrow. Including my mother.

I don't want to be any victim nor do I need any pity!! I wasn't raped u know.

Some people here are so brutal and mean they don't even realize it. Saying that I encourage him, pls give me a break. I came here to seek for advice not to be insulted.

Alhumdullilah I'm happy you finally confided in your brother. Yeah I can't even imagine how it might escalate now, but someone needed to know and do something for your own safety. I see that you don't have a problem avoiding him, but with this kind of guy he is going to try his best to casually be where you are to run into you. That's scarry.
I know its going to be hard for everyone to know, but remind yourself that you did nothing wrong, except maybe giving this guy the time of day when you first met. He has some severe problems.
I know your families trust is important but so is your safety and they are only worried about you.
Not being in your shoes it is easy to give advise but the people on this forum are saying things because this issue is serious, and we are all worried and want to give you the best advise, but sometimes people jump to conclusion.,
InshaAllah everything will work out. Since you have been posting about this since August, then it seems like the only way to truly end it was for you to tell someone like now and have him taken care of. He wasn't just going to stop on his own.
Remember that you know you didn't do anything wrong, this guy has problems and is obsessed. Take Care Sis and inshaAllah everything will work out for you.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:

Islamirama, the story that you posted is soo painful and hard to read. It really does sadden me. But, it does highlight how our sisters need to be very careful. They need to realise that there is danger in this world and that danger can strike from places where they would not imagine. I don't want to sound sexist or anything, but I think most sisters are quite naive, they're too trusting. I believe they need to be stronger and they should always always ALWAYS be 'on guard'.

But yeah, sisters, really... always be vigilant and don't feel you have to be 'friendly' (by that, I mean say hi/bye/smile etc - from a customary greeting point of view) with strangers... don't be 'afraid' to be cold - it is for your own good.

Agreed!!!

May Allah make things easy for the sis and protect all our sisters from harm always, ameen!

ameen

[crayon]

its not being sexist its a fact, girls need to be more carfull. Ever heard of a man getting raped?

Yes, actually, more than once. Here men (mostly teenage boys) need to be as aware of this stuff and as careful as women.