Salaam, need some help and guidance please

[AnonymousPoster]

Asalaam Alikum, i have actually written on this site a year ago and i totally forgot which thread i had wrote, i am suprised to see what i have written actually, i am going to be honest now. the thread before was about a potential marriage partner from pakistan, and now this thread is about somebody else i met last year at university in October, 3 months after posting the other thread. the reason why i am writing today is because i need some advice, like i said i was in a haraam relationship with somebody at university for about 6 months, we have been broken up for about 4 months now. and we dont talk anymore, because he doesnt want to talk to me, i was deeply hurt by this, words cannot explain how hurt i have been feeling these past 4 months. i have made alot of stupid mistakes, and i am thankful to Allah i have realised this. i am turning closer to Allah and my deen now and Alhamdulilah i am feeling better slowly. but the thing is i am most of the time in two minds, 1 part of me hates myself because of what i put my ex through alot i stressed him out so much when we was together and i ended up treating him badly, however this was not intentional, i was not mentally stable and had problems of my own which i am now dealing with, so i do understand why he left me, but at the same time i am feeling very hurt because he ended up treating me badly after we broke up and at one point he was keen on marrying me. now i am worried about going back to university in september because i feel ashamed of the things i did after we broke up, im ashamed about what our friends think of me, they think i am a crazy pyshco and i dont blame them for that. but they dont know and no1 knows the things i have been through in my childhood which had led me to behave in ways even i cant understand sometimes. i dont know how i am going to cope when i go back there because i had left uni without doing my exams because i was in such a bad way, im scared to see him as i chased after him for a long time and he constantly rejected me, 3weeks ago i rang him at work crying and he didnt even get back to me to see what was up. i havent called or texted him since then and i dont intend to. i am getting closer to Allah SWT which is the best gift i could ask for. sorry if i am dragging on abit now and sorry if this thread not making sense. i know im not a bad person, ive apologized to people that ive hurt, but if they dont want to forgive me what can i do? plus most of these people are temporary friends i suppose, i always think to myself we are alone in this world, and people we meet uni will all just come and go. im jus worried about going back there, i dont want everything to come back to me, i know i hurt him but im the 1 who suffered these past 4 months and hes happily gettin on with his life

[AnonymousPoster]

:w:
Sister, Alhamdulillah that you have realized your mistakes and inshaAllah thats usually the first step in order to move on, and you're becoming closer to Allah, and thats all that matters, it doesnt matter what the others think of you, if you if you do feel comfortable discussing your past with them and xplaining, thats upto you, but you shouldn't feel that you have.. Its Allah's forgivness and understanding you need more than anything from any person. Try your best to move on, make better friends, who will understand and help you strive to please Allah.
I'm sorry that I can't really give any helpful advice..But things will get easier inshaAllah!
x.x.x

[IbnAbdulHakim]

sounds like tit for tat eh ;o


also no offence but having issues isnt an excuse, everyone has issues to b honest.


lastly try not to dwell on your past too much.. can get unhealthy.

Look forward and move on wiv islaam on ur mind.


Assalamu Alaikum

[roohani.doctor]

hey, i can understand wut you are going thru, but you have to realise you both got hurt in this, just not at the same time, also know that allah tests everyone in this life, i.e everyone has some sort of issues but if you believe and have faith in allah, life will go on. Your relationship with this guy was wrong from the start and you shoudl be thankful you are no longer in a haram relationship....stop calling him and erase him from your heart, dont acknowledge him wen you see him...
as for going back to uni, you dont have any other choice do you? I'm not being harsh but its your turn to be strong and not care wut people say, if your friends are temporary why are you hanging out wit them? I've always believed in having a friend for life, not for some time period only, choose your friends carefully.
Most importantly, become close to Allah because at the end of the day, only He can save you. I'm not saying this is gona be easy but life wasnt exactly meant to be easy.

hope this helps

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[F0z14]

thank you 4 ur advice, i knw it isnt easy. sometimes i think im not normal cuz of the way i think and i feel, i always end up relating things back 2 him, and the only thing that keeps me going is my deen. i was such a chiller at uni, but life isnt about chilling out and we shouldnt look at other people, as i always do

[arabianprincess]

salam wa 3lykom

well i must say im proud of u cuz u realized ur mistakes... now all u gotta do is avoid him ... n if its meant to be it will happen..i mean there is no reason for the haram ways, some ppl be like oh i dont believe in the whole arranged marraige .. how its gonna work... oh plz.... god made it that way for A REASON..... n he knows BEST so just focus on the religion............. n n ur school n u ll do fine inshallah .. good luck.. p.s u anit bad u were just lost........ salamz

[cute123]

i feel its ok - just leave things as it is and give everybody some time. they will get used to see u in the univ and soon everybody will forget what happened but dont be cheesy and run behind 1 particular thing. stand on your self and u will make new freinds inshallah.

[Sharif]

ma sha Allah! Some awesome advice. Just to add:

1.
What lessons can you learn from that experience? (write them down)

2.
How can you use that experience to make you a better, stronger, more confident, and more resilient person?

3.
What three new amazingly cool and exciting goals you can set for your new semester? What actions steps will you have to take to get them done successfully?

4.
How can you prepare yourself to be an excellent muslimah and an outstanding slave of Allah? [You'll find your heart's contentment in just that, insha'Allah.]

Remember, it's not what happens to you that matters. It's what you DO with what happens to you--that matters! So, let that experience shape you to become the next version of you. Can you do that?

Am I making any sense? :)

[Sahabiyaat]

Am I making any sense? :)

yerup :D absolutely

excellent advice MashaAllah!

[anonymous]

hi there, thanks 4 ur advice everything, much appreciated. i did come bak to uni for my resits that i hadnt done, its been ok... mainly cuz i knw my ex not here. sometimes i feel so strong like i dnt care abt him but its so hard sometimes, when i hear of him it hurts aswel because we have mutual friends u see. and some of my male friends dont really talk to me on a level like they used to because some of the crazy things i did, n i did do some childish attention seeking things and i cant really explain what used to possses me. but then i shouldnt be talkin to non mahrams anyway so maybe its a good thing?? its just so hard, i feel ashamed, like a fool in fact

[anonymous]

AssalamuAlaykum My beautiful sis...

You know....matters of the heart are one thing you will never find a clear-cut 'answer' on, you'll never find a solution, a cure for a broken heart...But sometimes we all need to realise our worth, we need to realise that we make plans and so does Allah (swt), but He is the best of planners.

Firstly, when we hurt somebody, we end up breaking our own hearts in the process, because of the guilt we feel. Most often than not...the person we hurt will make us feel guilty for having treated them in such a way. The thing is sis, it takes two to form a relationship, it takes two for things to end, and thats you and the brother. But one point I want to make is that it takes TWO to move on and make a fresh start also. And that TWO is YOURSELF and ALLAH (swt).....people come and people go, but if your relationship with Allah stays strong and true then you will be the happiest of people bi'ithnillah.

Sis....I know that heartbreak is a killer, there was a time when I was lying awake at night, I could literally feel something breaking in me, my heart felt as though it was being torn apart....But realisation is a great thing, my realisation was that NOBODY could help me apart from Allah (swt) and I think maybe there's several things you need to realise, and you need to realise them on your own.

Firstly sister, you were hurt over the fact that this brother ended it with you, you know what I say? I say masha'Allah, masha'Allah that he had the courage and the nerve to end a haram relationship, sis thank Allah (swt) and remember that if marriage was the right choice for the two of you, nobody at all could have stopped it against Allah's plan.

Sometimes we look back and reflect on some of the things we did in life, we regret and we wish we hadnt done some things, we wonder if things will ever go back to normal and if we will ever get past this stage in life....but sis, life is strange, it makes us hurt before it heals, it makes us lose before we gain and cry before we smile. But that doesnt mean we should give up, we should continue to make du'aa for whatever it is we want, because we should do what we can do, and Allah will do what we cannot do.

You say you're ashamed of what you did after you broke up etc....Sis show that shame to Allah (swt) repent sincerely, if you had told me that you hadnt apologised to those you had hurt, I would have told you to, but since you have, I'll say that you've completed your duty, now it is up to your friends to fulfil their duty as friends and stand by you no matter what, because thats what friends are for.

Personally speaking, I've done many wacky and crazy things over the years, said things to my friends, behaved in strange ways etc but at the end of the day, they always forgave me, because the sign of a true friend is that they'll stand by you through your darkest hours, they'll be there for you, they'll wipe your tears when you cry...and I dont mean to be all sentimental but its true, our girlfriends are so much more important than we give them credit for, and if your friends arent there for you now, or if you're doubting whether or not they'll be there for you, then these arent the sort of people who deserve your friendship.

You sound a little like me btw sis, if I'd ever done something to hurt someody, I'd be afraid, a little nervous of how they might respond to me the next time I met them, and I know that going back to uni will be a massive step for you, but I always found that making du'aa helped, because you know....if worry and stress got us anywhere....we'd probably be the happiest of people, but the fact of the matter is, that it doesnt, that worrying our heads over something that has not happened yet, or something you have no control over, will do nothing but increase your anxiety, know that you are in the right now, for you have repented, you have asked for fogiveness and that is all you need. All that is left now is for you to go to uni next month, with a smile on your face, knowing that Allah (swt) will help you through this, stay strong hun and stay true to yourself, you will meet new people and they will help you get through this stage in life.

And maybe there's one thing you should know, and you may already know about guys is that they move on, when they're hurt they may show it but they heal quick, so although you say you hurt him but he now seems to be happy, its probably because he isnt hurting anymore and that he has forgotten everything and time has healed him, for time is a healer. So dont worry about him anymore, look after yourself now for you're the most important person in this, they can talk, they can give you the cold shoulder, but you have moved on also, you have changed your ways, and I think it takes somebody special, somebody who has a beautiful pure heart and somebody who is true to themselves to not bother about what the people say. For people will say a lot of things, but the one who created you is the most important one, its His (swt) opinion that counts and when you have been wronged, He will be the one to hear your call, He (swt) is Sami3 ash-Shakwa (The hearer of complaints/cries) ... so no matter what happens next month, no matter what anybody says, go back to uni with confidence. You have dont NOTHING wrong sis, nothing at all.

If people dont talk to you, if you have mutual friends, its time to make new ones dont you think...At the end of the day, how long is life? Save up for the aakhirah, friends will come and go. But also, this must be your second/third year at uni? Insha'Allah it'll fly past and then you'll move on to another phase in life, people forgive and people forget, its in our nature, nobody will bear a grudge for long over any of the things you did...Just remain positive.

And lastly sis, if anybody dares mention your past, keep one thing in mind, 'Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future'....And I pray Allah (swt) rewards you in abundance for your patience and for your faith in Him. Ameen!

:wasalamex

[AnonymousPoster]

wow mashalla sis thank you so much for your reply. thank you for taking the time out to reply to me. May Allah keep u steadfast in prayers and very happy! i cant thank you enough. everything you have said to me is so true, and i know what i have to do. i need to remain in the rememberance of Allah SWT and stay confident. you are so beautiful sis, thank you so much. i think some1 has posted in your own thread and i have to PM them with my email address, if you dont mind i will give me email address to them to add onto you. i cant thank you enough, i cant. its so amazing to see people out there helping out other muslims, its true thou we all belong to one Ummah.

sometimes i just fall weak when i think of him, or when i think about all the crazy and wacky things that i did, i worry that people there think i am a crazy psycho and i guess i was at the point. also another problem i have is when i hear of him talking with my female friends who are also his close friends it really bothers me, i feel really jealous, but i try to think that as a haraam thing because it is a sin to talk to non mahram anyway. another worry of mine is when i bump into him, i think i may see him around alot, and because things ended badly, and i really made a fool out of myself trying to get him back i dont know how to react, im constantly worrying about it and i dont want to go back to uni, walking around every corner worrying when i am going to see him

[anonymous]

sometimes i just fall weak when i think of him, or when i think about all the crazy and wacky things that i did, i worry that people there think i am a crazy psycho and i guess i was at the point. also another problem i have is when i hear of him talking with my female friends who are also his close friends it really bothers me, i feel really jealous, but i try to think that as a haraam thing because it is a sin to talk to non mahram anyway. another worry of mine is when i bump into him, i think i may see him around alot, and because things ended badly, and i really made a fool out of myself trying to get him back i dont know how to react, im constantly worrying about it and i dont want to go back to uni, walking around every corner worrying when i am going to see him

Ameen at your Du'aas, may Allah reward you with better. Yes, please do pass on your email address to the sister Insha'Allah, she is online right now.

Sis....You feel really jealous? SubhanAllah ask yourself why! You feel jealous because they're the ones doing something haram and you arent? Jealous because you've changed your ways and they still chat to random non-mehram brothers? Jealous because you've got a stronger relationship with Allah (swt) than them?? Look at things realistically sis and you'll realise that you're better off.

And huni...I guess we all care to a certain extent what people think of us, but whats done is done...whats passed has passed, what matters now is what you do with yourself and how you deal with the situation. Dont let the opinions of others get to you. If you're strong you'll brush them aside and concentrate on your studies and doing yourself justice by not losing sleep over these people.

[Pk_#2]

Ameen at your Du'aas, may Allah reward you with better. Yes, please do pass on your email address to the sister Insha'Allah, she is online right now.

:D Online, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week

Except Christmas. :-[

[anonymous]

sometimes i just fall weak when i think of him, or when i think about all the crazy and wacky things that i did, i worry that people there think i am a crazy psycho and i guess i was at the point. also another problem i have is when i hear of him talking with my female friends who are also his close friends it really bothers me, i feel really jealous, but i try to think that as a haraam thing because it is a sin to talk to non mahram anyway. another worry of mine is when i bump into him, i think i may see him around alot, and because things ended badly, and i really made a fool out of myself trying to get him back i dont know how to react, im constantly worrying about it and i dont want to go back to uni, walking around every corner worrying when i am going to see him

Ameen at your du'aas sis, may The Almighty reward you with much better. Ameen.

Sis you say you're jealous? Jealous of what exactly? Jealous that these other sisters are the ones doing wrong and that you're not, jealous that they're still talking to random non-mehram men and you're not? Jealous that Allah (swt) gave you a way out of a haram relationship and that the both of you have taken it? Sis think about it realistically and you'll know that you've come out of this situation the better and stronger person.

Sis dont worry about anything, whats done is done and nothing can change that, whats important now is that you carry on with your life, with your studies and without a care in the world about these people. I know its natural to worry about what people think about you, but I also know that to try and make them think good of you is useless and a waste of time.

May Allah (swt) help you sis. Ameen. And also on a side-note....Ramadhan is coming closer right, it'd be easier for you to go uni....and come straight home...dont linger about, that way you wont have to bump into him and you will also have more time for dhikr and the like :)

Take care insha'Allah sis

:wasalamex

P.S whoops, double post :-[

[anonymous]

it says on the other post u have my address, is this correct? and thank you for the advice :)

[anonymous]

it says on the other post u have my address, is this correct? and thank you for the advice :)

Yes, I've added you on MSN also

[bewildred]

Everyone in this earth has made mistakes in the past. Let him who is without sin, throw the first stone. The problem is: Imagine, when you get back to uni and your ex comes back to your arms. Would you live again in haram?????

[anonymous]

no no i wouldnt. i really hope i wouldnt, thats what im tryin to do make myself so strong that i never look at him again

[anonymous]

sorry to bother u again guys, its just ive been feelin abit low. ive been having dreams about going bak to uni, and about my ex. i had a dream lastnite that i saw him in the lift, and i put my hand out to him for some reason and he gave me a dirty look and walked into his flat with 2 girls! this clearly shows i am not over him, how can i get rid of these feelings? stops i can see him in my head, and sometimes even i miss his touch. astagfirulla i know this is bad, its been 5 months now and im still going on about him, im so scared about going back now, i thought i was stronger, but when i think of him i fall weak. if i told people around me i still feel for him, they would laugh at me after the way he treated me so i cant tel anybody, but i really still do. i cared 4 him so much but i still manage to hurt him, he loved me so much but i myself turned this love into hate

[------]

:salamext:

i am getting closer to Allah SWT which is the best gift i could ask for

Then InshaaAllaah, be content with that which Allaah has decreed for you. Try and get closer to Him by staying away from your ex. I know it's easier said than done, but sis if you try and stay away then Allaah will Help you more InshaaAllaah.

[anonymous]

sis plz help me, im feelin hurt

[IbnAbdulHakim]

pre-occupy yourself and realise you cant change him , you can change yourself

[dreamcoach]

assalmu alikum sis

Put his name on a piece of paper throw it over your shoulder, and he is exactly that over with, in your past.
X X X

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ LOL


all i gotta say