Infidelity

[rk1989]

My husband just admitted to cheating on me and having relations with another woman. We have been together for almost 3 years, I feel like I hate him yet at the same time I don't want to let him go. We don't have any children or anything. I really just need someone to talk to...what should I do:( I feel like I'm breaking down.

[Lonely Gal]

has he showed any remorse.. how did you find out? did he tell you? can you forgive him?
What were the reasons behind him cheating? Were you two going through a rough patch?

[IbnAbdulHakim]

well if we had four witnesses we could have stoned him via shariah law.

but for now you have a chance to forgive and forget, but if he dont change then forget him. there are better men who will never contemplate cheating Alhamdulillaah

[Sahabiyaat]

:sl:

im deeply sad to hear that, it must be terrible for you...hang in there

what kind of relations?

How did you react when he told you ?

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[FatimaAsSideqah]

As Salaam Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

Very sorry about it and I am sooo sad to hear.

There are many texts from the Quran and the Sunnah conveying the meaning that cheating, whether the target be Muslims or non-Muslims, is forbidden.

How long did he cheated on you?

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:Being in a similar situation to you sister, I still don't know what advice I can give, if you think that your relationship can survive and there's a chance of happiness for you then perhaps it is worth the risk. Make sincere du'a sister..thats the best way for seeking help in any situation.
Take care

[FatimaAsSideqah]

As Salaam Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

I will try to explain more clearly, Insha'Allah.

As for your question, it should be clear, on one hand, that repentance wipes out all sins, major or minor, as long as a person does not associate other partners in worship with Allah Taala. Allah Taala says in the Qur'an:

"Say: 'O My Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful'" (Az-Zumar: 53).

Therefore, the gate to repentance is wide open for all people who committed sins, including adultery. If the adultery of a spouse is proven or there is a confession, the spouses must immediately separate their beds.

If the husband has sincerely repented and the wife is convinced of it, then both of you can permitted to keep the marriage. However, if there is no sign of repentance, then it is not permitted for a Muslim to keep such a wife or a husband, as the case may be.

Hope this will helpful? Insha'Allah.

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:
Can a husband be trusted again?... I mean if he seeks forgivness over time does it become easier to trust and feel safe in your relationship...or is there alwasy the doubt that it will happen again? InshaAllah I hope that Allah eases your pain, and gives you guidance in any decision which you make.
:w:

[Sahabiyaat]

:sl:

you know what i would do in this situation, i would ask him not to seek my forgiveness, that he should be more aware of the fact that he has transgressed against Allah. I would tell him were not going to have joint graves,and you will be alone when you are judged, youve hurt me but that will heal with time, and that you should sincerely repent to Allah and not repeat this act.If you abide by this, youve gained something from your mistake, if you dont, it is only your loss :)

But you should forgive him sister, especially since hes had the guts to come and confess, and thats a very hard thing to do, maybe it shows some remorse on his part, hopefully.

[Eeman]

well if we had four witnesses we could have stoned him via shariah law.

but for now you have a chance to forgive and forget, but if he dont change then forget him. there are better men who will never contemplate cheating Alhamdulillaah

STONING???????:skeleton: i swear its 100 lashes.
gotta dash and have dinner Insha'Allah will give my two pence worth.

wa salam

[Afifa]

:sl: so sad to hear sis .. only you know what you're going through.. if u can feel that you can trust him again and he is seeking forgivness then the best thing to do is to forgive him. Just rmeber to do whats best for both of you.

[ayan333]

:sl:

wow..so sorry to hear this

its becoming common even with Muslims..so sad

May ALLAH (SWA) ease you pain and let this situation restrengthen your Iman and grant you Janatul-fardous,Insh ALLAH..Ameen

The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said, “Shall I inform you of the best morals of this world and the hereafter?

They are to forgive he who oppresses you, to make a bond with he who severs from you, to be kind to he who insults you, and to give to he who deprives you"

`someones sig



:w:

[jannat]

My husband just admitted to cheating on me and having relations with another woman. We have been together for almost 3 years, I feel like I hate him yet at the same time I don't want to let him go. We don't have any children or anything. I really just need someone to talk to...what should I do:( I feel like I'm breaking down.

Allah,i hope u can help this sister inshallah. Oh sis, plz dont,May Allah swt give you peace and sabr and eternal happiness inshallah. has he apologised, asked for forgiveness? if he is sincere and will change his ways, perhaps consider to forgive him?
i dont know what to say hun, My lord is wid u, he is with the believers and those who speak the truth. I guess it is test. Be strong dear.... May Allah SWT give u happiness, because u ve been the sincere and good person and he will reward you, inshallah.
-----------
i swear, when i hear this i get very angry and feel sorry for sisters, what they have to go through, coz thses species cant control themselves, I think and only look back at Muhammad SAW, he is amazing, this dunya is depressing and no mans like him!! sometimes on hearing this, i wana just get out of this dunya and be alone...run away from this, dont despair sis, plz be strong, If only the men of the ummah were all like Muhammad mustafa SAW.

[Eeman]

salam alaikum sis,

firstly i would just like to say that Wallah my heart goes out to you, what you are feeling right now no one can even try to say how they understand, even if they themselves have experienced it since each and every person percieves and reacts to things differently.

unfortunately it is true it is becoming a little too common nowadays and its so sad and heartbreaking to see this happening to our sisters,

sis you have to sit there and be true to yourself and take time out to reflect ponder upon each and everything since you have been with your husband and evaluate everything, i know that at this precise moment you are in pain and when your heart is broken and slowly slowly you feel each and every piece of it falling apart your only main concern is to hold it together and prevent the pieces from collapsing.

but you need to be strong and let not despair get the best of you cos once you open your doors to despair then your giving an open invitation to shaytaan to come in and attack you from all angles.

there are a lot of things that we dont know about since you have not really explained much so its hard to give you advice just on the basis that your husband has cheated and was having an affair with another woman yes no doubt that is WRONG and unjust and is a majorsin in islam, but when you ask for advice regarding what to do if i ws in your shoes i'd sit there and think and ponder why am i here and why has this happened.

sure without a doubt this is a test every second of everyday is a test but t does not mean that we just totally sit there thinking that with patience i will get through it without doing anthing, yes patience is the key to everything but you need to do your bit first put things in perspective then with patience and perserverance wait and put all your trust in Allah swt.

how long has this affair been going on for and was it just with this ne woman or are have they been other occasions?

having ups and downs in marriage is no justification nor ever will be for a man to go and commit adultery so dont fall into that one, but on the other hand if the marriage was arranged and your husband was never happy with it from the start then yes it is very common sis as sad as it may sound but it is and that is the reality and the truth.

you need to sit him down and ask him what was it that made him commit such an act and listen carefully to the excuse that he comes out with, i will say once again here to you there is NO JUSTIFICATION or a valid excuse for ay man to commit adultery so whatever excuse he comes out with well im sorry but its not and never will be good enough then you need to tell him that and make him understand that what he has done is the most disgusting and immoral thing ever.

now as i said before you know your husband better and his nature we are not in a position to comment on that, do you seriously believe in your heart that it was just this one time and that he is honestly in regret about it and he'll not do it again or do you feel that he might have done so many other thngs and sis i'm not talking about the thoughts that shaytaan whisper in your head im talking about deep deep within your heart your instincts.

there are some men that have this nature within them, this is what they are like and how they are, they are weak and fickle not only imaan wise but everything wise, if they are not addicted to alcohol, then its drugs if ot drugs then women there always has to be an addiction to something cos in their hearts there is a disease a filthy disease and if that is the case with your husband then sister i advice you to get out do not let yourself be that door mat that he will tread on everytime.

always remember that Allah swt is with those that are truthful, if your husband is seriously ashamed of what he has done and is sincere in his actions to change then guide him to Allah swt again and get him to repent and Insha'Allah he will find Allah swt to be the Most Merciful and you will see the changes in him.

what your husband and you need to both realise is that he is doing nothing but merely wronging himself, i know he has hurt you and it is not that easy for us to be so detached from this worly life no matter how much we try but you always have to remember that we are simply her for one reason to serve Him and pass the test, and you by being a devout wife and not commiting such acts have done nothing nor committed such sins to be held accountable for on the day of judgement whereas he has and if he does not repent and carry on then he is simply wronging his own soul and heading towards eternal doom. i know its a weird way of looking at things but from experience after being let down and hurt so much by my own husband this is the way i think now, everytime he does something new to hurt me i just think gosh you are so foolish you have no idea what your doing to your ownself if only you knew and i try telling him but guess what goes in one ear and whoooooooooooosh! straight out of the other.

sister bare in mind that trust is the most important and essential recipe in a marriage and once that is broken then sometimes it becomes impossible to rebuild it, and in these cases it becomes quite unhealthy for both the spouses cos once there is no trust in there will forever be doubts and suspicions and are you really willing or want to live the rest of your married life as a paranoid wife who is always paranoid about what her husband is doing where he is and who he is with???

the fact that you have no children yet is a big plus for you, both of you infact, cos as mch as it will be hard to stand your ground and leave now it would be almost impossible to do so if you had kids with him.

if you feel that there is still hope and that he truly has realised his mistake then give it one try i say one cos it is easy to fall into that cycle and keep being on and off and that is the worst thing you could have, but you need to make your yourself emotionally, physically and mentally prepared that this may not be the case and that the best decision may be a way out.

sis just one other thing, dont rely on empty hope, i have been doing so for 3 years and believe you me if i could turn back time i would have ran to the exit door, but i held on and on and on, and yes i have people rating me for my patience, forget me i know so many other women that have been hanging on to hope for decades but still to this day its same old story and they still hang on to that hope but now the door out for them has disappeared cos it has been so long and for them to get up and walk out now is umimaginable, its still early you have Insha'Allah your whole life ahead of you,
take your time and really think about it, i suggest you do your istikhara and ask the best guide to guide you Insha'Allah and make your decision and leave the rest to Him and put all your trust in Him and Insha'Allah He will dispose all your affairs for you.

i pray that Allah swt guides you to the best for you in this world and your akhira and bestows joys and many blessings upon your life and makes this hardship easy for you Insha'Allah.

wa salam

[ayan333]

:sl:

SubhanALLAH..i know i already posted but i jus had to hear a about this froma family memeber

SubhanALLAH!!!!!! we Muslims are getting to comfrotable in this dunya life..imatating the kufars...its sickening

we need to Pray for all our Muslim sisters and brothers,the wronged and the wrongdoers,SubhanALLAH it makes me sick!!!

ive never ever seen this in my Family and all of a sudden it happens...these men need to start acting like men and either come up and tell her that he wants a second wife or what not, instead of them having to find out..which is 10 times worse

May ALLAH (SWA) ease your pain and reward you in the after life for you patience Insh ALLAH..Ameen
jus my 2cents

:w:

[rk1989]

Thank all of you so much for your replys, may Allah reward you all with an amazing life, amazing health, amazing everything...hearing what you all had to say really helped me a lot. I can't really talk to too many people about this because I know the first thing they will spit out is "JUST LEAVE HIM" as if its so easy! But again, seriously thank you all for your replys! And yes he was crying for two days and begging me to forgive him so Allah can forgive him as well, I told him I just need some time. I can't even look in his face. He had the other woman on the same house as me...she has been on the same bed has me...she has eaten my own food...I can't believe he brought her in the home. I don't even want to think about it, but I know that the only way I can get through this IS some long, hard thinking.

anyways again everybody thank you so so much for your help, you really did open my eyes, I needed it :) May Allah grant all of you paradise in this life, and the next.

[Eeman]

Thank all of you so much for your replys, may Allah reward you all with an amazing life, amazing health, amazing everything...hearing what you all had to say really helped me a lot. I can't really talk to too many people about this because I know the first thing they will spit out is "JUST LEAVE HIM" as if its so easy! But again, seriously thank you all for your replys! And yes he was crying for two days and begging me to forgive him so Allah can forgive him as well, I told him I just need some time. I can't even look in his face. He had the other woman on the same house as me...she has been on the same bed has me...she has eaten my own food...I can't believe he brought her in the home. I don't even want to think about it, but I know that the only way I can get through this IS some long, hard thinking.

anyways again everybody thank you so so much for your help, you really did open my eyes, I needed it :) May Allah grant all of you paradise in this life, and the next.

salam sis...

:cry::cry: i pray Allah swt rewards you with jannatul firduas Insha'Allah, just take your time sis, do your istikhara and ask Allah swt to guide you and put all your trust in Him.

i know what you mea i had the same issues i never talked to anyone cos i knew the answer i was going to get straight away, but sis sometimes truth does hurt cos we are in that sitaution we dont see sometimes sub consciencely we turn a blind eye to the truth and fool ourselves believing other things, so as i said do think hard and take your time and ponder and evulatuate about everything since the 1st day you met your husband.

i pray that Allah swt guides you to the best decision and best outcome Insha'Allah.

[Abdul-Raouf]

May ALLAH help you to take the best descisions in life
and bring peace to you forever - in Dunya and Akhira.

[Blue Rose]

insha'allah you can get through this

[AnonymousPoster]

InshaAllah my du'as are with you. Was it just the once? If it was maybe there's a chance of forgivness.
I am really very sorry to hear such sad news:cry:

[true believer]

SubhanALLAH..!
wallah i agree da sis above me^^
omg
i neva heard of muslim men acting like this
omg!
fear allah man
dat is a MAJOR MAJOR sin!
i am geuninely shocked..
can u get him stoned?
doesnt he have to be stoned for this?

[Eeman]

SubhanALLAH..!
wallah i agree da sis above me^^
omg
i neva heard of muslim men acting like this
omg!
fear allah man
dat is a MAJOR MAJOR sin!
i am geuninely shocked..
can u get him stoned?
doesnt he have to be stoned for this?

salam sister,

i'd love to be in your community Masha'Allah but where i am sadly it happens very often.:cry:

i pray for our ummah i pray that Allah swt guides our hearts makes our imaans strong and makes us of His righteous slaves Insha'Allah.

wa salam

[sangeeta]

:sl:

you know what i would do in this situation, i would ask him not to seek my forgiveness, that he should be more aware of the fact that he has transgressed against Allah. I would tell him were not going to have joint graves,and you will be alone when you are judged, youve hurt me but that will heal with time, and that you should sincerely repent to Allah and not repeat this act.If you abide by this, youve gained something from your mistake, if you dont, it is only your loss :)

But you should forgive him sister, especially since hes had the guts to come and confess, and thats a very hard thing to do, maybe it shows some remorse on his part, hopefully.

It was admirable that he has confessed before you found out from elsewhere,however, he may have confessed because he was sick with guilt and had the love for you to ask for forgiveness,which is upto you.He may have also confessed as he may want to continue to carry on as he is,so I would really have a heart to heart with him and allow to explain why? and what he expects me to do, and personally,I would make the final decision on what I would expect from him and from the marriage to continue. Oh and dont have kids untill you are happy and trust him to do so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!They do very rarely save a failing marriage.