dno wat to do. advice plz.

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

ok...so i hav a best friend rite? and lately alot of **** has been happening because of her, stuff with her mum, cousinz etc, and i am involved in it coz of her.

everyone i know is asking me, "why are u still with her, she treats you like ****, she uses and abuses you so why are u still friends with her?" even her cousins are saying it. and also people who hardly know her.

the answer is i dont know. but i cant just leave her. i know for a fact she cant live without me she wudnt be able to cope.


dont know what to do..any advice appreciated.
im a sister btw.

[Sahabiyaat]

:sl:

Im really sorry to hear that.

please elaborate on her behaviour towards you and how long you have known her?

If she calls you her 'best friend' and treats you badly, then she is not your friend, let alone your best friend!

but do elaborate some more, you can also pm me if you want to talk :)

:w:

[M..x]

At tha end of tha day... Chiqs like that won't bring you any happiness in life, if all you ever have to du is clean up their mess & answer to people about THEIR problems. It ent right. So if I was you, I'd just boo her off. Unless she is willing to change ofcourse which is a different case. Like if you dudes are tight right, you should be able to have enough confidence to drop it to her straight. If you dun't, who else will?
Buh having said that, it ent easy letting go of people. So maybe yous should have a break. Alluw things for a bit & see what happens? Just a suggestion.
Peace =)

[MaiCarInMtl]

I'd say it all depends on what she does. But some friends are just really not worth keeping. I often draw the line at lifestyle (ie major drinking and drugs) and how they treat me (we all have our bad days when we are snappy, but there is a limit, an no backbiting).

I once had a friend who went psycho one me when her plan to use to me distance herself from a guy she liked worked. Then she blamed everything on me, telling me she was jealous (of course I had no clue what she was talking about), she went into a depression because of various things and any time I would try to help she'd lash out at me. Then she started saying I wanted to be her, etc etc. At this point I just dropped her like a bad habit.

Sometimes you care a lot about people and want to help them, but if they don't care about you, constantly disregard your advice and lash out at you... well then my friend, abandon ship! Otherwise, they just may bring you down with them.

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[Ansariyah]

Sisss...A real friend wud not abuse u n use u.

Just tell her its over...if she wants u back, she'll have to start treating u with respect n be kind...if she cant do that u'll have to jst forget her.

[AnonymousPoster]

i've known her for 6years.

its like she takes me for granted and doesnt appreciate anything i do for her...and i do ALOT for her.

[S_87]

your her friend not her punch/abuse bag

you dont have to break friendship with her, just let her know that u expect her to respect you and not insult you and act like a true friend :)

[rahul_89]

u hv2 chnge ha state 1stly, n frankly u wil hv2 tke cntrl ova da situation. u cn do dat ezily.trus me.u sown v clse wid ha,nt imposible sis. bi ithnillaah.i ask Allah 2mke it ezi 4u..

[Eeman]

Salam alaikum sis,
i am really sorry to hear that, i know how much it hurts and affects you when yours best friend lets you down and you do so much and go out of your way so much for them and in return you get nothing but khair sis dont be in despair.

friends are amazing and rare jewels that we find in life, Allah swt gives us no choice as to what gender we are born what background we are from and who our family members are , but as a blessing He does give us some choice over who we choose as our friends...

in life we have people walking in and out of our lives at each and every stage it is an ongoing process cos they come into our lives according to His decree for a term appointed do whatever that has been written down by Him for them to do and then they leave. sometimes some people come into our lives to teach us lessons and make us better people, sometimes as a barakah.

i am sure that in primary school most of us had a best friend who we would make promises to and make pacts that we would stay bestfriend forever then we move to high school and the same thing sometimes very rarely we are still in touch with them but most of the times they go their way whichever way their qadr and life leads them and we ourselves head our own way.

sis firstly you have to sit there and think and be honest with yourself, does this person who you call a best friend a actual friend to you let alone a bestfriend?

how many times has there been times when you have needed her the most has she been there?

is she aways there through your good times or more through your bad times? cos bare in mind tht everyone wants to be a part of your life during the good times but the way to test a true friend when life is treating you bad and you need them to be your pillar to hold onto for support.

has she ever just randomly not even as means of paying you back for a favour that you have done for her, but merely just to put a smile on your face just for the sake of seeing you happy ever gone out of her way to do something for you that would put that smile on your face?

has she ever just by seeing you known that although you have a smile on your face and look externally fine and ok in the outside that in the inside you are in pain and hurting and nothing is ok?

when you fall into doing something that is wrong to another person or say somethng that you shouldnt have said to someone, does she point it out to you and tell advise to be good, or does she encourage you to do things to people to fight her battles for her?

i have only pointed out a few points and i want you to sit there and really think to yourself and think hard and ponder over the last 6 years that you have known her and try to ask yourself these questions and then with honesty to yourself answer them and see what kind of replies you come back with.

if you are still sticking with her and being a good friend to her out of fear of losing the whole privilge of saying or telling people or making yourself believe that you have a best friend and that you will be alone and no one to share things with no matter how big or small then despair not cos i promise you it will not be the end of the world in fact on the contrary it will be good for you.

you dont need people like that in your life you really dont, instead why dont you focus that time and energy and effort on your own family? your mother who went through 9 months bearing you in her womb and then through the agony and pain of giving birth to you and to this day is still struggling and stressing and worrying about you.

im not saying be mean or horrible to your best friend, all i am saying is that if she is truly what you say is she and is like that towards you then you dont need her as a best friend in fact not even a friend. if she ever needs serious help, then ok fine if it is within your capability help her but help her for the sake of Allah swt for the seek of pleasing Him and only Him and never expect and rewards or thanks of that person infact whoever it may be instead wholeheartedly believe that your rewards are with Allah swt and it is He that will reward you for it all cos it was done for His sake.

i pray that Insha'Allah Allah swt guides you to the truth and bestows many barakahs upon you Insha'Allah and rewards you with Jannah in your akhira.

ma salama.:)

[coddles76]

:sl:

ok...so i hav a best friend rite? and lately alot of **** has been happening because of her, stuff with her mum, cousinz etc, and i am involved in it coz of her.

everyone i know is asking me, "why are u still with her, she treats you like ****, she uses and abuses you so why are u still friends with her?" even her cousins are saying it. and also people who hardly know her.

the answer is i dont know. but i cant just leave her. i know for a fact she cant live without me she wudnt be able to cope.


dont know what to do..any advice appreciated.
im a sister btw.

"No one truly believes unless he/she loves for his brother/sister what he would love for himself".

That quote there is enough to settle the issue. Whatever you would love for yourself love the same for your sister in islam. And Allah SWT knows best!

[AnonymousPoster]

Salam alaikum sis,
i am really sorry to hear that, i know how much it hurts and affects you when yours best friend lets you down and you do so much and go out of your way so much for them and in return you get nothing but khair sis dont be in despair.

friends are amazing and rare jewels that we find in life, Allah swt gives us no choice as to what gender we are born what background we are from and who our family members are , but as a blessing He does give us some choice over who we choose as our friends...

in life we have people walking in and out of our lives at each and every stage it is an ongoing process cos they come into our lives according to His decree for a term appointed do whatever that has been written down by Him for them to do and then they leave. sometimes some people come into our lives to teach us lessons and make us better people, sometimes as a barakah.

i am sure that in primary school most of us had a best friend who we would make promises to and make pacts that we would stay bestfriend forever then we move to high school and the same thing sometimes very rarely we are still in touch with them but most of the times they go their way whichever way their qadr and life leads them and we ourselves head our own way.

sis firstly you have to sit there and think and be honest with yourself, does this person who you call a best friend a actual friend to you let alone a bestfriend?

how many times has there been times when you have needed her the most has she been there?

is she aways there through your good times or more through your bad times? cos bare in mind tht everyone wants to be a part of your life during the good times but the way to test a true friend when life is treating you bad and you need them to be your pillar to hold onto for support.

has she ever just randomly not even as means of paying you back for a favour that you have done for her, but merely just to put a smile on your face just for the sake of seeing you happy ever gone out of her way to do something for you that would put that smile on your face?

has she ever just by seeing you known that although you have a smile on your face and look externally fine and ok in the outside that in the inside you are in pain and hurting and nothing is ok?

when you fall into doing something that is wrong to another person or say somethng that you shouldnt have said to someone, does she point it out to you and tell advise to be good, or does she encourage you to do things to people to fight her battles for her?

i have only pointed out a few points and i want you to sit there and really think to yourself and think hard and ponder over the last 6 years that you have known her and try to ask yourself these questions and then with honesty to yourself answer them and see what kind of replies you come back with.

if you are still sticking with her and being a good friend to her out of fear of losing the whole privilge of saying or telling people or making yourself believe that you have a best friend and that you will be alone and no one to share things with no matter how big or small then despair not cos i promise you it will not be the end of the world in fact on the contrary it will be good for you.

you dont need people like that in your life you really dont, instead why dont you focus that time and energy and effort on your own family? your mother who went through 9 months bearing you in her womb and then through the agony and pain of giving birth to you and to this day is still struggling and stressing and worrying about you.

im not saying be mean or horrible to your best friend, all i am saying is that if she is truly what you say is she and is like that towards you then you dont need her as a best friend in fact not even a friend. if she ever needs serious help, then ok fine if it is within your capability help her but help her for the sake of Allah swt for the seek of pleasing Him and only Him and never expect and rewards or thanks of that person infact whoever it may be instead wholeheartedly believe that your rewards are with Allah swt and it is He that will reward you for it all cos it was done for His sake.

i pray that Insha'Allah Allah swt guides you to the truth and bestows many barakahs upon you Insha'Allah and rewards you with Jannah in your akhira.

ma salama.:)

:sl: sis. you're right. made me think properly, but still its not easy is it.

i mean i wud say one of the main reasons im with her is for her mums sake. she dnt listen 2 anyone, nd dnt trust any1 xpt me, so her mum will ask me wats up or get me to talk 2 her wen she herself cant get through to her.

all the things you've mentioned in your post, i can say i have done my side of it, but i cant say 100% that she has.

[Eeman]

well maybe then you should be here friend and help her out andcount it as a good deed do it to please Allah swt and for His sake and only His sake, and do not expect anything in return, cos it is not people tha let us down but our own expectations...
how is Allah swt going to reward you for doing something good for someone when it was not done for His sake and done with expectations that you would get rewards or thanks from another person... keep being that friend to her but this time round do it to please Allah swt and firmly believe in your heart that all your rewards are with him and there is no one and nothing in this dunya that can reward you anything that would be even equivalent to 0.01% of how Allah swt rewards us.
do it to help her and make her a better person cos that is a part of our deen, but not to with the intentions of seeking to please her and for her to accept you and treat you like a bestfriend as you do.

i pray that this helps you Insha'Allah

wa salam.:)

[AnonymousPoster]

salam
I no, she has to change aswell...but it is hard...things are happening that involving me. I'm just scared what my happen next/

[AnonymousPoster]

salam
I no, she has to change aswell...but it is hard...things are happening that involving me. I'm just scared what my happen next/

thats not the original poster :S, i am

[Sahabiyaat]

thats not the original poster :S, i am

if thats not you? then who is it :skeleton: (stop scaring me)

[Ansariyah]

thats not the original poster :S, i am

tell a mod..I really dont like that so many people can use the annonymous account.:rollseyes

My advice to the people who like to post as anonymous in a anonymous thread that was started by another anonymous person, pls dont post under the anonymous account in a thread that isnt urs. Simple. You are just confusing everyone, and freaking out the real anonymous person in whos thread ur posting in as anonymous.

[AnonymousPoster]

Well im sorry but i did write a thread that was a bit like this. i do have the same situation as you...sorry for that...(not the real person who put the thread...sorry for the confussions)

[Ansariyah]

sorry i didnt mean to yell (by heighlitening it).:-[ Was jst a general reminder.

[Eeman]

thats not the original poster :S, i am

Errrr what is going on???????:skeleton::skeleton::skeleton:

[chacha_jalebi]

erm, dont misuse the anonymous id, cause a mod will track down your id, then you will remember:skeleton: muhahaaa haa haaaaa:D

dont abandon the muslims!!!

but if you think, by hangin about with this person its havin a bad affect on you, like they make you upset and like you said treat you like ..... then let them know, see what they have to say, sometimes people dont realise they doin wrong, and if you tell them and they still carry on or dont care, then give them a peice of your mind and make new friends, people that make other peoples lifes a misery because their life is one, are just gay!:D