cynic...

[sevgi]

salams...

im not big on writing in anon...i have nothing to hide...and even tho you guys know my name..im very much an anon either way...noone knows me...

ive lived a lot in my life...and i cant be bothered explaining any of it...the things i have lived have hurt and harmed me to the point where my social and emotional functioning is affected immensely....but noone really knows.

what is getting to me lately is the fact that i am becoming a cynic...one which noone can bother putting up with.

i dont want to be a cynic...it hurts me to not trust people..but i really cant help it...but regardless, i need people so much....so i continue to trust-ish, and yet i dont believe they can help me. yeh im a cynic...a pretty bad one..and im not two faced, so when i think someone is being selfish, or they are stupid or untrustworthy, i sort of just say it...thats what ive been doing lately...and although people know that i have problems, and try to be understanding, i know that they are getting sick of me and i am pushing all their buttons...i dont want to be labelled a "b-word"....but i am being one.

i cant trust people. no way.even while writing this, i am like "why are u even bothering...theyre all just gonna write back really general things, they dont know the extent to which you are hurt etc etc..." but i cant help asking for advice either way, coz atm, my own judgement is corrupt....

any takers? what can you say to me?

(please refrain from telling me to not trust anyone but Allah...i know that)

[Woodrow]

:sl:

It is unbeliable the pain we bring upon ourselves.


It does help to remember Allah(swt) can forgive all things.

[Eeman]

salam sis,

oh gosh i know exactly what you mean and where your coming from....
i cant even try to explain and yes your right i cant be bothered to explain cos i think what is the point??

not only am i a cynic but have become very negative and pessimistic too... i think these 3 elements in one's way of thinking are like best friends.

i cannot rely upon anyone's words i do not trust anyone, i have been let down by nearly everyone my life and have just come to the point where i dont want any friends i distae myself away from everyone and i trust NO ONE except for my family. Alhumdullilah they are the only ones that keep my going i swear Wallah if it wasnt for them at this moment in time and through everything that i have been going through i really do think that i would have lost all hope in everything and everyone!!!

but when at times it gets really really bad i kind of think to myself that maybe its due to my lack of imaan, sometimes its like a rollercoaster ride with me i have good days and bad days and i know that in my bad days its when shaytaan gets the best of me, so now i try as hard as i can to be more optimistic and positive and place all my trust in Allah swt. and i think that that is what people like us need to focus on sis,

the past is the past, we need to let go in order to able to move forward by hanging on and dragging it to the present with us that is where we bring the pain and cause the pain to our own hearts and let it affect us as human beings and our characters and our lives.

After every hardship there is relief, after every hardship there is RELIEF, after one hardship there are 2 RELIEFS, i always read this ayah to remind myself that whatever has happened it will Insha'Allah get better and in the future things will be much much better, i guess where we fail is sabr which is the key to all things.

everytime we are hurt or a calamity befalls us it is for 2 reasons either it is due to what our own hands have earned or cos it is a test and we need to be strong and strive harder and harder to please Him. learn from our mistakes of the past but never let it reflect upon our present or future...

there are times when i have to literally BITE my tongue... being blunt and saying it how it is is one thing sis, but judging is another...
and if you really and truly think about it we have no right and neither are in a position to judge i do it all the time myself and am finding it really hard to control my tongue...

But i always get reminded that only Allah swt knows what is in the breasts of His slaves,
and what their true intentions are... if a person is lying then the truth always prevails and they are not doing you any wrong but sinning themselves, no soul bares the burden of another souls sins always remember that.

so to judge others du to your past experience with other people is not right cos we are humans and there are imes where we are wrong with our judgements...
so this is my advice to ME and you! lol
treat people kindly and nicely even the unkind, even the liars and the untrsutworthy ones lets do it for the sake of Allah swt and whatever they do in return let them be and lets leave them to Allah swt to judge.

let us put our trusts in Him and with that always in mind look forward to a better present, it wont always be this way, life will not always be gloomy and dark it will get brighter and better Insha'Allah, so lets bury the past so deep that it will be impossible to dig it out and let go of all the pain and the grudges and resentment that we hold inside us, the doubts and judgements due to our past.

Lets make dua for Him to heal us and help us through our hardsip and make it easy for us and give us sabr and reward us for it Insha'Allah with something much much much much better.

i hope it has helped you in some ways knowing that your not the only one sis, so dont be in despair kick shaytaan right in the butt, right now as i am talking to you i have had a very bad day so bad that due to the way i am lately i have missed my salah all day I pray that Allah swt forgives me but this is what i mean, it slowly slowly eats you away and we need to be STRONG and FIGHT BACK!!!

if you ever need to talk please dont hesitate to PM me.

:)
Wa salam.

[AnonymousPoster]

Wow you are a b_____. :skeleton:

I'm sorry you're going throgh so much sis, life sucks, it truly does. No advice from me, not good at it. :thumbs_up

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[Abdu-l-Majeed]

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم


:wasalamex

Wow you are a b_____. :skeleton:

I'm sorry you're going throgh so much sis, life sucks, it truly does. No advice from me, not good at it. :thumbs_up

I dont' think so... It is only our attitude to the life that makes it "suck." As long as someone has the wrong attitude, he or she will find that life sucks. But we can say that one faces trials all the time...

[AnonymousPoster]

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم


:wasalamex


I dont' think so... It is only our attitude to the life that makes it "suck." As long as someone has the wrong attitude, he or she will find that life sucks. But we can say that one faces trials all the time...

To me life does suck, maybe because my life sucks health wise, :thumbs_up

Trials are good, I've learnt to live with em now, I guess everyone has to :skeleton:

Wheres thread starter gone?

[IbnAbdulHakim]

you know i was so close to writing a huge reply


but then i thought "wat am i gnna say to make a cynic feel better?!"

AND THEN i thought "what the hek this is sevgi not some cynic!!!"

so there you have it, you AINT no cynic! you CAN trust good muslim people! sure be careful thats all good but also be WISE in who you trust.


oh final advice:

NEVER EXPECT ANYTHING FROM ANYONE!... and you'll be as happy as me :D

[sevgi]

ok..

woodrow..for once in my life on Li..what you said actually hurt me..i dont bring anything upon myself.my attitude is the by-product of a life time of stuff i dare not explain.

sis eeman..i appreciate your post very much...i know that at times, my lack of Iman makes everything worse......but in general..its hardly my fault..and...for some reason you harped on the idea that i was judging people...i dont do that...i judge my situation..and i just know that noone will get it...

anon gender...i did say ï dont want to be labelled a b-word..you didnt have to label me as one...

and life does not suck. i love life as much as i hate death. living is my passion. both of my soul and my nafs...i try to take them in the halal sphere.

bro ibnabdulhakim..as usual ur post slapped me...

after everything everyone wrote here i thought about it a lil more...am i a cynic..? no...not now..bt im becoming one...i know it..and my counsellor saod so aswel...why do i have a counsellor? lol...i dont...my frend forced me to go so that i could stop blaming myself for the things in my life...i went twice and realised it was full of crap..

only Allah can help me. my aim in life is to live...but the way people hurt me..have hurted me..and the way i thus hurt myself is turning me into a cynic. thats why im here...i love humans....all people....i cant explain it....i love everyone..and never think bad of anyone...even those who have ruined me and every part of my existence...coz i try to understand them...i try to understand Allahs master plan behind it all...and sometimes i see the wisdom...and sometimes..im so hurt...i see nothing but pain....

i aspire to be the taker.....i have always been the giver....thats why i expect so much from people...i just want a lil appreciation...sometimes i expect from people what i think Allah is going to reward me with...i dno...i know Allah undertsands me..i know he is gonna reward me....i just dno wen...but i pray that it is before i am too cynical to see it...because im getting sick of trying to understand....trying to understand what is happening around me...trying to understand how to work things out..trying to fix the wrongs of others...trying to...i dno...

[IbnAbdulHakim]

slapped in a bad way? :S sry


i just reckon we should always give without expecting and we shoulD forget everything we give...

always forget our own good, remember your bad..

[Güven]

Wow Sis , You actually Made Me Emotional With Your Post
All I can Say Is You Are In my Prayers and You are Not Alone............

[Eeman]

sis you totally got me wrong i didnt mean judging people in the aspect as in judging them to be something individually i am not so good with explaining myself at times i guess... i meant that we should let our past do the judgement for our present and future.

and anon it doesnt make one a b word.

[aamirsaab]

:sl:
Perhaps you should stop expecting from others. I mean, I don't expect a thing from anyone (other than parents) and I'm fine with it. But, if someone does give me something (like say a pen or some ladoo) then I'm over the moon, lol.

Just don't expect anything and be content with what you have. Also, remember that you as a person influence others around you to an extent they will never likely to admit. Everyone learns something from someone else - so don't doubt yourself. I speak from experience here - I've many, many cousins and a lot of the time they get on my nerves. But I know that me being part of their lives helps THEM grow; they learn a lot about how to be people from me. So I let it be.

In other words: don't worry, be happy. And if needs be, reflect on the times were you have helped someone - maybe made them smile or something.

[Sahabiyaat]

ok..

woodrow..for once in my life on Li..what you said actually hurt me..i dont bring anything upon myself.my attitude is the by-product of a life time of stuff i dare not explain.

sis eeman..i appreciate your post very much...i know that at times, my lack of Iman makes everything worse......but in general..its hardly my fault..and...for some reason you harped on the idea that i was judging people...i dont do that...i judge my situation..and i just know that noone will get it...

anon gender...i did say ï dont want to be labelled a b-word..you didnt have to label me as one...

and life does not suck. i love life as much as i hate death. living is my passion. both of my soul and my nafs...i try to take them in the halal sphere.

bro ibnabdulhakim..as usual ur post slapped me...

after everything everyone wrote here i thought about it a lil more...am i a cynic..? no...not now..bt im becoming one...i know it..and my counsellor saod so aswel...why do i have a counsellor? lol...i dont...my frend forced me to go so that i could stop blaming myself for the things in my life...i went twice and realised it was full of crap..

only Allah can help me. my aim in life is to live...but the way people hurt me..have hurted me..and the way i thus hurt myself is turning me into a cynic. thats why im here...i love humans....all people....i cant explain it....i love everyone..and never think bad of anyone...even those who have ruined me and every part of my existence...coz i try to understand them...i try to understand Allahs master plan behind it all...and sometimes i see the wisdom...and sometimes..im so hurt...i see nothing but pain....

i aspire to be the taker.....i have always been the giver....thats why i expect so much from people...i just want a lil appreciation...sometimes i expect from people what i think Allah is going to reward me with...i dno...i know Allah undertsands me..i know he is gonna reward me....i just dno wen...but i pray that it is before i am too cynical to see it...because im getting sick of trying to understand....trying to understand what is happening around me...trying to understand how to work things out..trying to fix the wrongs of others...trying to...i dno...

Hun...youve made me a bit sad.....the best advice is like people have sed , do not expect anything in return and you will never be disappointed :) but that is easier sed than done.

When we do something for some1, no matter how strong our imaan is, no matter how many times we tell ourselve that our act was completely selfless, theres that tiny part of us that will always be hoepful for something, anything, in return. :) and thats where we end up hurting our selves........doesnt man see that he destroys himself with his own hands :), by letting his emotions go?


you have started to pick out other peoples faults.........i can relate to that, i do that often and feel TERRIBLE afterwards :(, and then i end up doing it again!

you shud have posted anonymously, then you cud have given us the full picture and we would have been able to give you specific advice. but you can still do that and trust us not to judge you, you can trust us, like you sed we dont even no u :) and then you can delete your post afterwards.

[sevgi]

no i have no issues with sharing my story. its just too complex.

basically..i cant help but 'expect' from people...coz its inate...the people i expect things from are my parents etc..it hurts me to live knowing that they havent played their roles...and continue to ruin my life.

i was born two months premo coz my parents couldnt stop fighting. they wanted to get divorced but they found out i was on the way. they stayed togetehr coz of me.

my mum locked herself in a room since i can remember.never mothered me.never hugged.never cried. never put me to sleep. never spoke. never stood up for me.never will.she has and does tell me she hates me.

my dad bashed me when i was still one month premo. never stopped. i became his toy. he became obsessed with controlling me. i was the only thing that was scared of him. i still am the only thing he has. the only one left beside him coz i am the only one both weak and strong enuf to stay beside him.

i left home aged 16. i had to.i worked so hard not to hate people. to smile every morning. to tell myself there were worse situations.but my dad continued to exert his authority in ways which please his evil disposition. i try to understand him. i try to love him. i try to love everyone.and i do...i guess.

but it hurts.like...to struggle through life.all alone.sometimes ur Imaan just isnt strong enuf to hold to the hope that Allah is with you.im still young.sometimes i wish i could complain about the trivial things which girls my age complain about.i i wish i could just kick back one day and be free. but its impossible. the moment i am alone...my past haunts me. i have to struggle thru life, trying to fix and forget and forgive all that has been done to me. but it is still happening........so i am trying t undo things which are begin done at the same time. as i climb that ladder of hope...they knock me down.i cant explain...its too complex. everyone has always used me. my dad against my mum and everyone else.

i dnt wana care anymore.i want to be carefree...for just a day maybe.to laugh like nothing is wrong.like i am exactly the same as anyone else. im sick of trembling thru life....shaking at the thought of my father....shuddering at the idea of him seeing me being normal....cringing every time he calls. im sick of lying to him coz even the most benial of things transform into fuel for his hate fests.he vomits hate on me every morning...every night...and in between, when he cant catch me....i try to grow.

when i come home to visit my mum and siblings...i just want to feel accepted. but all i get is a blank stare from her...and a laboured "when are you going back?" my housemates call their mums..get recipies, advice, share jokes and laughs....ive been away from home for 5 years and my mum has never once called me.i dont exist for her.i taught myself to cook nd clean.my housemates teased "didnt ur mum teach you anything?!" i was 16...and no she didnt.i'd get sick...and all i wanted was someone to care...i dno...ur just so vulnerable wen ur sick...

these are little things...which are just on my mind now. if i told you the serious stuff..i'd have to kill u all.its just my dad. his abuse is potent.and i hate everyone coz of him...coz he hates me with such passion.i try to convince myself that im not disgusting...but i am.i know i am.i know that all that he says is true.but i try so hard to be a good person. i never wanted to be the way i am. i wish i was smart and hard working and all.and i think i am...but he doesnt. he denies me of any good attribute i just mite have....and he says he knows me better than i know myself...perhaps he is right.

im gna shut the hell up now.i have an essay due in a few hours...havent started. i cant...the moment im alone with a blank page...it all comes flying back...i'll never forget the little sevgi.i was so lonely you guys.i was so small.tiny.trembling.i'd walk slanted on rainy days so that the puddled water wouldnt seep through th eholes in my shoes.futile...i'll never forget my sore toes from wearing shoes i'd outgrown. my older bro left wen he was 10.i was so alone.

he is so gna burn in hell.

[Fazl Ahmad]

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

Sister reading your story has made me very sad and concerned about your well being. But I believe that every problem, no matter how small or big, has a simple easy solution...turning back to Allah Subhanahu wa Taala. Probably you have already gotten this advice many times, but it can never be overemphasized. And what it really means is making yourself right with Allah first, trying to ensure that there should be no reason for Allah to be displeased with you. I can honestly tell you if you make the effort to live your life seeking only the pleasure of Allah you will be very happy and your problems will soon seem like nothing. And never stop praying to Allah no matter how hopeless or pointless it may seem. One day you will realize how great an investment it was to be devoted to Allah in both good and rough times.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

sevgi ... your gonna hate me for saying this but... i reckon if you get married you'd get that esteem boost and much needed care you long for.

is there a reason your not marrying as of yet>? i really think it will change your life for the better inshaAllaah..

also if u have friends u shud stik by them.. they can be like family too.


finally, you might find this distressing and im sure its probably one hellish situation, but i know and have abided by people in similar conditions (obviously different situation) but the hell was there... Allah tests whom he wills with what he knows best... your strong


your amazingly strong mashaAllaah, admirable really..

[AhlaamBella]

what I can advise is increase your deen. I've had problems myself; eating disorder, depression, self-harm... it's all pathetic. I've increased my deen through the grace of Allah SWT and I know some people say we don't understand the extent of what you're going through etc but I've been through it sis. You don't need a label of someone who has problems. You don't. The only problem you have is weak iman. Well that was my problem though I didn't realise it at the time. I thought my deen was pretty strong. Boy was I wrong. Go to a conference, a gathering of muslims. It's an effective deen injection and it gives you so much inner peace. SubhanAllah it's amazing.

[Ansariyah]

Abu al-‘Abbas ‘Abdullah bin ‘Abbas, radiyallahu anhuma, reported: One day I was behind the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam, and he said to me

"O young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice] : Be mindful of Allah, and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allah, and you will find Him in front of you. If you (have need to) ask, ask of Allah; and if you seek help, seek help from Allah. Know that even if the Nation (or the whole community) were to gather together to benefit you with something, they would not benefit you with anything except that which Allah has already recorded for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with something, they would not be able to harm you with anything except that which Allah has already recorded against you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried."
[Al-Tirmidhi relates this and says: It is a good, genuine Hadith]

In a version other than that of al-Tirmidhi it reads:

"..Be mindful of Allah, you will find Him before you. Get to know Allah in prosperity and He will know you in adversity. Know that what has passed you by was not going to befall you; and that what has befallen you was not going to pass you by. And know that victory comes with patience, relief with affliction, and ease with hardship."

[Güven]

Sevgi ....... Sevgi....what means Sevgi?? It means Love they give you the name Love but dont love you, I wonder Why ..
how about visiting your mom more often and try to make a band with her ,
and I know Its Hard , I realy Know ....
But No Matter What happens A Mom Will have ALWAYS a Feeling For her Child , No matter What Happens , you just have that awaken that feeling more
,Try To explain your problems With Her Alone and cry with her or something ..start all over again with her cause I think She is the key to you happiness.
And Be Patient....
you are In My Prayers....

Allaha Güven , Cünkü Unutma Allah Kullarini hic Umutsuz Birakmaz

[Ansariyah]

PROPHET AYOUB

Ibn Ishaaq stated that he was a man of Rum. His name was Ayoub, Ibn Mose, Ibn Razeh, Ibn Esau, Ibn Is'haq (pbuh), Ibn Ibrahim (pbuh). Someone else said he was Ayoub, Ibn Mose, Ibn Rimil, Ibn Esau, Ibn Is'haq, Ibn Ayoub. There have also been other statements on his lineage. Ibn Asaker narrated that his mother was a daughter of Lot (pbuh). It was said, also that his father was one who believed in Abraham (pbuh) when he was cast into the fire.

The first opinion is the most plausible, because he was a descendant of Abraham's offspring as Allah Almighty declared: "That was Our proof which We gave Abraham against his people. We raise whom We will in degrees. Certainly your Lord is All-Wise, All Knowing. And We bestowed upon him Isaac and Ayoub, each of them We guided and before him, We guided Noah, and among his progeny David, Solomon, Ayoub, Joseph, Moses, and Aaron. Thus do We reward the good doers. (6:83-84)

Allah the Almighty praised His worshipper Ayoub in His Glorious Quran: Truly! We found him patient. How excellent a slave! Verily, he was ever oft returning in repentance to Us! (38:44)

Ayoub (pbuh) was repentant, remembering Allah with thankfulness, patience, and steadfastness. This was the cause of his rescue and the secret of Allah's praising him.

A group of angels were discussing Allah's other human creatures, how those who were humble earned Allah's pleasure, while those who were arrogant incurred His displeasure. One of the angels remarked: "The best creature on earth today is Ayoub, a man of noble character who displays great patience and always remembers his Generous Lord. He is an excellent model for the worshippers of Allah. In return, his Lord has blessed him with a long life and plenty of servants, as well as the needy and the poor share in his good fortune; he feeds and clothes the poor and buys slaves to set them free. He makes those who receive his charity feel as if they are favoring him so kind and gentle is he."

Iblis overhearing all of this, became annoyed. He planned to tempt Ayoub to corruption and disbelief, so he hastened to him. He tried to distract Ayoub from his prayers by whispering him about the good things in life but Ayoub was a true believer and would not let evil thoughts tempt him. This disturbed Iblis even more; thus he began to hate Ayoub even more.

Iblis complained to Allah about Job. He said that although he was continuously glorifying Allah he was not doing so out of his sincerity but to satisfy Allah so that his wealth should not be taken away. It was all a show, all out of greed. "If You remove his wealth then You will find that his tongue will no longer mention Your name and his praying will stop."

Allah told Iblis that Job was one of His most sincere devotees. He did not worship Him because of the favors; his worship stemmed from his heart and had nothing to do with material things. But to prove to Iblis the depth of Job's sincerity and patience, Allah allowed him to do whatever he and his helpers wished with Job's wealth.

Iblis was very happy. he gathered his helpers and set about destroying Job's cattle, servants and farms until he was left with no possessions. Rubbing his hands in glee, Iblis appeared before Job in the guise of a wise old man and said to him: "All your wealth is lost, some people say that it is because you gave too much charity and that you are wasting your time with your continuous prayers to Allah. Others say that Allah has brought this upon you in order to please your enemies. If Allah had the capacity to prevent harm, then He would have protected your wealth."

True to his belief, Job replied: "What Allah has taken away from me belongs to Him. I was only its trustee for awhile. He gives to whom He wills and withholds from whom He wills." With these words, Job again prostrated to his Lord.

When Iblis saw this, he felt frustrated, so he again addressed Allah: "I have stripped Job of all his possessions, but he still remains grateful to You. However he is only hiding his disappointment, for he places great store by his many children. The real test of a parent is through his children. You will see how Job will reject You."

Allah granted Iblis authority but warned him that it would not reduce Job' faith in His Lord nor his patience.

Iblis again gathered his helpers and set about his evil deeds. He shook the fountain of the house in which Job's children were living and sent the building crashing, killing all of them. Then he went to Job disguised as a man who had come to sympathize with him. In a comforting tone he said to Job: "The circumstances under which your children died were sad. Surely, your Lord is not rewarding you properly for all your prayers." Having said this, Iblis waited anxiously hoping Job was now ready to reject Allah.

But again Job disappointed him by replying: "Allah sometimes gives and sometimes takes. He is sometimes pleased and sometimes displeased with our deeds. Whether a thing is beneficial or harmful to me, I will remain firm in my belief and remain thankful to my Creator." then Job prostrated to his Lord. At this Iblis was extremely vexed.

Iblis called on Allah. "O my Lord, Job's wealth is gone, his children are dead, and he is still healthy in body, and as long as he enjoys good health he will continue to worship You in the hope of regaining his wealth and producing more children. Grant me authority over his body so that I may weaken it. He will surely neglect worshipping You an will thus become disobedient."

Allah wanted to teach Iblis a lesson that Jo was a devoted servant of his Lord so He granted Iblis his 3rd request but placed a condition: "I give you authority over his body but not over his soul, intellect or heart, for in these places reside the knowledge of Me and My religion."

Armed with this new authority, Iblis began to take revenge on Job's body and filled it with disease until it was reduced to mere skin and bone and he suffered severe pain. But through all the suffering Job remained strong in his faith, patiently bearing all the hardships without complaining. Allah's righteous servant did not despair or turn to others for help but remained hopeful of Allah's mercy. Even close relatives and friends deserted him. Only his kind, loving wife stayed with him. In his hour of need, she showered her kindness on him and cared for him. She remained his sole companion and comforter through the many years of suffering.

[Ansariyah]

^contiues



Ibn Asaker narrated: "Job was a man having much wealth of all kinds; beats, slaves, sheep, vast lands of Haran and many children. All those favors were taken from him and he was physically afflicted as well. Never a single organ was sound except his heart and tongue, with both of which he glorified Allah, the Almighty all the time day and night. His disease lasted for a long time until his visitors felt disgusted with him. His friends kept away from him and people abstained from visiting him. No one felt sympathy for him except his wife. She took good care of him, knowing his former charity and pity for her."

Therefore Iblis became desperate. He consulted his helpers, but they could not advise him. They asked : "How is it that your cleverness cannot work against Job, yet you succeeded in misleading Adam the father of man, out of Paradise?"

Iblis went to Job's wife in the form of a man. "Where is your husband?" he asked her.

She pointed to an almost lifeless form crumbled on the bed and said: "There he is, suspended between life and death."

Iblis reminded her of the days, when Job had good health, wealth and children. Suddenly, the painful memory of years of hardship overcame her, and she burst into tears. She said to Job: "How long are you going to bear this torture from our Lord? Are we to remain without wealth, children or friends forever? Why don't you call upon Allah to remove this suffering?"

Job sighed, and in a soft voice replied : "Iblis must have whispered to you and made you dissatisfied. Tell me how long did I enjoy good health and riches?"

She replied: "80 years."

Then Job replied: "How long am I suffering like this?"

She said: "7 years."

Job then told her: "In that case I am ashamed to call on my Lord to remove the hardship, for I have not suffered longer than the years of good health and plenty. It seems your faith has weakened and you are dissatisfied with the fate of Allah. If I ever regain health, I swear I will punish you with a hundred strokes! From this day onward, I forbid myself to eat or drink anything by your hand. Leave me alone and let my Lord do with me as He pleases."

Crying bitterly and with a heavy heart, she had no choice but to leave him and seek shelter elsewhere. In this helpless sate, Job turned to Allah, not to complain but to seek His mercy: "Verily! distress has seized me and You are the Most Merciful of all those who show mercy." so We answered his call, and we removed the distress that was on him, and We restored his family to him (that he had lost), and the like thereof along with them as a mercy from Ourselves and a Reminder for all who worship Us." (21:83-84)

Almighty Allah also instructed: "Remember Our slave Job, when he invoked His Lord saying: "Verily! Satan has touched me with distress (by losing my health) and torment (by losing my wealth)!" Allah said to him: "Strike the ground with your foot: This is a spring of water to wash in and cool and a refreshing drink." And We gave him back his family, and along with them the like thereof as a Mercy from Us, and a reminder for those who understand. (38:41-43)

Job obeyed and almost immediately his good health was restored. Meanwhile, his faithful wife could not longer bear to be parted from her husband and returned to him to beg his forgiveness, desiring to serve him. On entering her house, she was amazed at the sudden change: Job was again healthy! She embraced him and thanked Allah for His mercy.

Job was not worried, for he had taken an oath to punish her with a hundred strokes if he had regained health but he had no desire to hurt her. He knew if he did not fulfill the oath, he would be guilty of breaking a promise to Allah. Therefore in His wisdom and mercy, Allah came to the assistance of His faithful servant and advised him: "take in your hand a bundle of thin grass and strike therewith your wife, and break not your oath." Truly! We found him patient. How excellent a slave! Verily, he was ever oft returning in repentance to Us!" (38:44)

Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said: "While Job was naked, taking a bath, a swarm of gold locusts fell on him, and he started collecting them in his garment. His Lord called him: "O Job! Have I not made you too rich to need what you see?" He said: "Yes, My Lord! But I cannot shun Your Blessings." (Al Bukhari)

[sevgi]

increase my deen..gotchya guys.thanks!:) trust me im trying.its bloody hard when ur existence keeps telling you to give up and hate God for all he has given you.

but i love him. he is all i have.i cant explain to anyone what Allah is for me. he is my bestfriend.i know he is always there..its just that sometimes im not there...

wen i was 16 i left home coz i knew i had the ability to teach others..i'd grown faster...i moved into a girls dorm...a religious one. what we do is live everyday in rememberence on Allah and do communal prayer and stuff and we study the quran etc etc...and at the same time, we do studnet mentoring and youth work for young teens etc...teach them their deen.

i feel valid when i see that my lil girls that i look after have someone they can open upto.i wish i had a mentor.

bro ibnabdulhakim...youre a smart cookie.
i know that marriage is my only way out.like, my dad wont stop...but its nt gonna affect me coz i will have a new authority in my life...one which wont abuse me, and will support me inshallah.

but no.1: i dnt wanna marry in order to get outta this mess. i believe in love.
no.2: no one wants to marry me. im the one who helps everyone else hook up. im like evryones best frend, sister...i always get "noone can ever replace sevgi...but she is like my older sister"
no. 3: im scared. the only man i have ever known hasnt been a good example.

[Ansariyah]

When u finish reading the story of Prophet Ayub (as) u'll understand why I posted it.

[Fazl Ahmad]

but i love him. he is all i have.i cant explain to anyone what Allah is for me. he is my bestfriend.i know he is always there..its just that sometimes im not there...

Very beautiful and true.

[sevgi]

Sevgi ....... Sevgi....what means Sevgi?? It means Love they give you the name Love but dont love you, I wonder Why ..
how about visiting your mom more often and try to make a band with her ,
and I know Its Hard , I realy Know ....
But No Matter What happens A Mom Will have ALWAYS a Feeling For her Child , No matter What Happens , you just have that awaken that feeling more
,Try To explain your problems With Her Alone and cry with her or something ..start all over again with her cause I think She is the key to you happiness.
And Be Patient....
you are In My Prayers....

Allaha Güven , Cünkü Unutma Allah Kullarini hic Umutsuz Birakmaz

Allah razi olsun kardesim...haklisin..Allahtan umut kesilmez...

but believe me...i have become the opposite of my mum. Allah has taught me backwards...

wen i see her on the street i run up to her and block her eyes from behind and call out "guess who?!"...i hug her, kiss her, pinch her cheeks......

i do my duty as as a daughter. my dad left a year ago...he called me and said "i cant handle you anymore..i cant handle ur family...look after them."

ive been the mum, dad, bro, sis..everything...i pay all the bills etc..everything....i try to fill my mothers hole..and now my dads...

and yeh...sevgi does mean love...its Allahs gift to me...i love with all ive got...and hence i give all ive got...and hence i hurt more than i should when people hurt me...

[TrueStranger]

:sl:

Woow sevgi, you are right the little things are what matters the most.

Parents could have such a huge impact on our lives. What is wrong with these parents? Subhan’Allah

Sevgi, I think your parents had their own past suffering which is affecting the way they treat their own children. I get the feeling that they too weren’t treated every well by their parents or family members. Something has indeed gone wrong somewhere along the way. Love and compassion is not in their vocabulary. When I see parents that are so rude, uncaring, and malicious to their own children, I can’t help but think that their childhood could have been filled with hate, anger, and mistreatment as well.

Parents treat their children the way they were treated by their parents most of the time, not all the time, but most of the time. At times it becomes a cycle. Maybe your parents are hiding their own ordeal, which is leading them to behave in this manner and restraining them from being the caring generous loving parents they could be. Maybe their past is hunting them as well.

I know one thing and that is our own past or present predicaments blind us from clearly seeing or noticing the troubles which others face or faced. Your parents are blinded by something else, whatever it may be, that is deeply blinding them from noticing or caring about your wellbeing.

They seem to be absolutely oblivious to the pain you’re experiencing. Whatever you do, do not become a cynic for you might just become like them. Try learning from your parents, and make sure that you do everything you can not to become a parent who will treat their children the wrong way or a parent that is blinded by their childhood sufferings and won’t be able to notice the troubles of their children. And most of the time we do this things unintentionally, on a subconscious level. Sadly, we are not even aware of the fact that we are hurting other people, because we think that the pain we go through is greater and more damaging than theirs.

That is the reason why the person who will get the least punishment in hell will think that he is getting the worse treatment. You will not notice your parents’ troubles, but will notice their faults, and in the same manner they will not notice your troubles but will notice your faults.

Everyone has their own nightmares, including myself, but I don’t store them in my heart or mind, least they corrupt my thinking process or my emotional process. But I store them in my past, where they belong.

Never mix the past with your present, and do not think that your present state will be your future state. The past, present, and future are three different stages in life, learn something new from each state and whatever you do, keep them separate. Otherwise your life will be one unpleasant stage that might even stop you from your God Given Right to be Happy.

I am deeply sorry if I am not of much help. :cry:

:w:

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ your mum loves you


if you dont know that then Allaah help you

[sevgi]

^ your mum loves you


if you dont know that then Allaah help you

i try to convince myself that she does everyday...inshallah she does..for both mine and her sake.

but its hard to believe.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ if u were me n i was u, u wudnt find it hard to believe but maybe i would


now that i've confused you quite a bit i think its ok to head out :D

[YusufNoor]

increase my deen..gotchya guys.thanks!:) trust me im trying.its bloody hard when ur existence keeps telling you to give up and hate God for all he has given you.

but i love him. he is all i have.i cant explain to anyone what Allah is for me. he is my bestfriend.i know he is always there..its just that sometimes im not there...

wen i was 16 i left home coz i knew i had the ability to teach others..i'd grown faster...i moved into a girls dorm...a religious one. what we do is live everyday in rememberence on Allah and do communal prayer and stuff and we study the quran etc etc...and at the same time, we do studnet mentoring and youth work for young teens etc...teach them their deen.

i feel valid when i see that my lil girls that i look after have someone they can open upto.i wish i had a mentor.

bro ibnabdulhakim...youre a smart cookie.
i know that marriage is my only way out.like, my dad wont stop...but its nt gonna affect me coz i will have a new authority in my life...one which wont abuse me, and will support me inshallah.

but no.1: i dnt wanna marry in order to get outta this mess. i believe in love.
no.2: no one wants to marry me. im the one who helps everyone else hook up. im like evryones best frend, sister...i always get "noone can ever replace sevgi...but she is like my older sister"
no. 3: im scared. the only man i have ever known hasnt been a good example.

:sl:

Subhanallah Sister,

Allah must love you tremendously! He doesn't test us more than we can handle and yet you get soo much! He must think very, very highly of you! i imagine that He has quite a high place ready for you in Jannah!

btw, i like to listen to Mufti Ismail Menk when i need an Iman booster, check out his Tafseer:

http://www.muftimenk.co.za/Downloads.html

you know, sometimes we don't like what is good for us and sometimes what we like isn't good for us. Allah knows best!

:w:

[Ansariyah]

Sis u went thru alot, but u have to be nice to people. n have a positive outlook bout life. n learn to forgive others. Clean ur heart out from any bad feelings and learn to live happily. We are muslims and thus shud know that Allah assures us in the quran that Fa Inna Ma Al-Usri Yusra "Verily, with every difficulty, there is relief".(94.6). ur time of ease will come inshaAllah.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
wow sis. ur post made me cry :-[

sometimes i wish i could complain about the trivial things which girls my age complain about.

do u think its wise to wanna be in others situtation :) i mean i totally get where your comin from and all, but i personally advice to avoid that thinking as best as possible, because it may cause a 'hole' in you...and thats not such a bad thing it its self, but when/if that 'hole' cant be filled, itll just end up leaving real hurt and longing ...get me?

i left home aged 16. i had to.i worked so hard not to hate people. to smile every morning. to tell myself there were worse situations.but my dad continued to exert his authority in ways which please his evil disposition. i try to understand him. i try to love him. i try to love everyone.and i do...i guess.

hmmm…sis, it sounds like our blaming yourself for the dislike you have of your dad. And that’s understandable and all, but at the same time you need to understand you cant blame yourself for feeling negative towards someone who has put you throught trash,really. I know hes your dad, and im not telling you to go against him or to hate him, or anything, but im just saying you need to realise that it sint your fault and that you shouldny don’t bash yourself ver something that someone else has done to you. Someone once told me that “you teach people how to treat you.” And I think her words are spot on! You kow after ones been mistreadted, whether from a family member or a close frind , Its totally normal to feel some neative feelings towards that person. You cant expect them to be used and abused and still act as if nones hurt them. So yeah, don’t blame yourself for reacting to how someone has mistreated you :)

when i come home to visit my mum and siblings...i just want to feel accepted. but all i get is a blank stare from her...and a laboured "when are you going back?"

I would advice you to try to ignore those stares as much as possible. Act as if she dosnst even give them. Just smile right back in return. :)
And I think its good how you still try to show affection towards her. I think that’s a good step, because if you were to turn around and act hostile, she would return the hostility, and your relationship with her would be just as worse as it is. But I think by you showing that affection, wallahu a’lam, she may wake up one day and feel guilt that shes mistreated you because you have soften her heart with your affection. Get me?

[qthese are little things...which are just on my mind now. if i told you the serious stuff..i'd have to kill u all.its just my dad. his abuse is potent.and i hate everyone coz of him...coz he hates me with such passion.i try to convince myself that im not disgusting...but i am.i know i am.i know that all that he says is true.but i try so hard to be a good person. i never wanted to be the way i am. i wish i was smart and hard working and all.and i think i am...but he doesnt. he denies me of any good attribute i just mite have....and he says he knows me better than i know myself...perhaps he is right.
Why do you believe someone who has hurt you so much. If that were me, that person would've broken my trust, and im not sure if i could care less what they tell me.

no.2: no one wants to marry me. im the one who helps everyone else hook up. im like evryones best frend, sister...i always get "noone can ever replace sevgi...but she is like my older sister"

hmmm....ya sure about that? :) people admire a strong person with sabr...im not too sure why a brother would be excluded from that :)

i try to convince myself that she does everyday...inshallah she does..for both mine and her sake.but its hard to believe

i dno if this helps, but i roughly explained ur situation to my mum, and asked her that if she thinks that a mother who puts her daughter through... (what uve been through)because.....(for the reasons you mentioned) does this mean that the mother hates her kid? and she said definatley no! she loves her kid. no doubt about it. parents could never stop loving their kids, no matter what.then she mentioned reasons why parents may show a lack of love and affection toward thier child, but no never could they hate their child.
i dno i figured that since shes a mum, she would know what mothers would be thinking :D

and also for your parents to put you through all of that, and for you to turn around and still try to be a good daughter, is something you should hold ur head up head over! seriously, most people would walk the other way!
i think that's more admirable than someone who treats their parents well because they (the parents) shower them him/her with love and affection. in the case of the former the individual strives to please allah...he/she knows His wrath, but hopes for His mercy...hence the striving to keep the family ties, even though his/her parents mistreat. But in the case of the latter, the individual treats his parents well because his/her relationship with them is based on his parents' kind treatment of him/her. i hope htat makes sense lol..



may allah grant you tranquility :)

[sevgi]

but im tired.

[BNDGR]

I am new to this board, but came accross your post.
I am a new Muslim so I don't by any means have answers, but I can only offer that life itself is a constant trial for everyone. It is hard not to turn cynical.
I myself can only tell you that since very recently becoming a Muslim, I have had such inner peace and even when everything is going wrong, I can pray and I will instantly feel strength that Allah is with me always and things will get better.
I pray that Allah helps you through everything your going thru.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:

but im tired.

its ok to be tired sis ((Hugs))...it ok to be frustrated, angry, depressed...hey, were all human. were all vulnerable to test and trials...were just vulnerbale full stop! :) ya tied? cool, take a nap. :) naps are good, naps refresh. relax...let it go...leave it to Allah, for no matter how many times you strive, no matter what hardships you go through, its all in Allahs hands. let HIM handle it for you. trust me, its so much more easier and relaxing. sit back, and let the world come to you, dont panic.:)
you know, im going through a tough time and the more im tested with this thing, the more i become fatigued...emotionally...physically...mentally, the hek, probs even spiritually... and the more i become fatigued, the more i realize that the easiest thing to do is just to hand my affairs to Allah. because the more i panic, the more i fight real hard to keep things in my control, it fatigues me even more, and makes me even more depressed, because it ISNT in MY control to even begin with, so how will it continue to be in my control. its in Allahs. so slowly slowly im learning (and inshallah ill get there) that there is nothing more relaxing and soothing for the soul than handing your affairs to allah:)

your're in my duas, inshallah.
ramadan mubarak :)

[------]

:salamext:

Raa... sis u been thru so much... SubhaanAllaah... All I can advise you is to make dua sis...I'm no good at advice... Am here if u need to talk... xXx

[Abdul Fattah]

Selam aleykum Sevgi

but no.1: i dnt wanna marry in order to get outta this mess. i believe in love.

I believe in love to, I think every Muslim should believe in it. However I don't believe in love at first sight. Love at first sigh is just illogical, it's a love of a dream image build around a person and based on sexual attraction, not a genuine love for the actual person. The only love I believe in, is that of two pious people who come together in marriage With the intention of seeking Allah (swt) pleasure. And they work on that relationship according to the sunnah of the prophet; and they get to know and appreciate one another; and they find true love because of the work they invested in one another. (have you ever read the little prince?)

no.2: no one wants to marry me. im the one who helps everyone else hook up. im like evryones best frend, sister...i always get "noone can ever replace sevgi...but she is like my older sister"

Make dua inshaAllah; that Allah subhana wa ta'ala brings you the right partner. And if you're about to lose hope, just look at it this way. Maybe Allah subahan wa ta'ala is waiting for you to be ready, or maybe he is testing you because he wants to reward you?

no. 3: im scared. the only man i have ever known hasnt been a good example.

Yes I understand. And I think you should have labeled this no. 1 since it seems a much more crucial motive. after my father attempted to kill me and my family, it took me more then 15 years to open up to people again, and I still have issues with it. there simply isn't a simple one-way solution to these kinds of problems. Just take it one step at the time, try to motivate your choices by a hope for a better future, and not motivate them as a reaction to a worse past.

May Allah subhana wa ta'ala guide you.

[BNDGR]

Asalam alaikum Sevgi,
In reading what you posted I am truly sad that anyone is allowed to bring children into the world. Sorry if that sounds harsh but as in your case and also with other people I know from the field I work, anyone can make a baby, but some should not. Parents have a role in a childs life to love them with everything they have, teach them about God and religion and teach them everything they need in order to grow up confident and self assured, also to show physical affection and love every minute of every day and discipline them (not abuse) in order to help them grow and learn right from wrong and also to instill in them self esteem and that they are important and they do matter.!!
Sadly sometimes parents take their own frustrations and conflicts out on thier kids.
I don't have any good advice other than pray that Allah helps get you thru your past and helps you come to your present, and makes your future a brighter one.
Letting people get close is always hard after what you've gone thru, but there are so many people out there that are good and kind and would help you just by being your friend to listen and be there for YOU completely and without expecting anything in return , that's what a true friend does!
I wish I could hug you, I feel like you need a big hug!
I don't know you personally but I feel for your situation and what you've been thru and you need all the support you can get.

[sevgi]

urghh..

i hate this.

but im getting smarter. Allah has granted me an awesome friend who is fighting in my place. im so scared though..

[IbnAbdulHakim]

urghh..

i hate this.

but im getting smarter. Allah has granted me an awesome friend who is fighting in my place. im so scared though..

coooool

i want an awesome friend to fight in my place too !! see how blessed you are :O

[sevgi]

coooool

i want an awesome friend to fight in my place too !! see how blessed you are :O

ur extra hypo positivo tone is refreshing...yet i know ur just trying to boost my spirits.

she went to the police. tried to force me to get an AVO..i refused. but i promised to take other measures....but im scared. she is lovely...and passionate...but ive seen her kind before...and im still scared.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

wats an AVO?

[Ummu Sufyaan]

she went to the police. tried to force me to get an AVO..i refused.

im glad you refused that :)
hes still ur dad...probs not the best advice after what youve been thro...but its the most islamic i can think of :)

[sevgi]

Apprehended Violence Order.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Injunction

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ ooh,

u dnt need that right? u can just stay away from him coz u dont live with him?

[sevgi]

^ ooh,

u dnt need that right? u can just stay away from him coz u dont live with him?

He is coming back from where he moved....dno if i explained that bit..a year ago, he left us,saying that i was killing him and he needed space.so i have been looking after my family while still living away from home.

his torture is psychological. he calls like ten times a day just to scream and swear and put me down. he is on a mission to hurt me. he threatens me insanely. the other day he told me he dreamed of locking me up and tying me down so that i could go absolutely nowhere and see noone...

with an AVO, he cannot contact me. period.

but i have always been all for embracing this as my test from Allah....even if it kills me.

[Al-Zaara]

Why didn't you do it?


To me Sevgi, to be completely honest with you, he is just part of the reason you got born and nothing more valuable than that. I'd say get an restraining order or whatever, cut him out of your life. Make him for once become a man and survive on his own, if not incompetance will lead him to disaster than so will waswasa. He is not OK and you should stay away from him. The test is, you to finally break free and realize, you don't have to do it..


What has he ever done to deserve an value in you, such a beautiful person who strives so hard to please Allah and the people she loves? Where did he get the right to destroy a child's life the way he did? Where did your mother get that right? They gave birth to you, but that's about it. You owe them nothing at all. Allah subhana we ta'ala brought you to life, this slave, another strong slave to fight in His way and inshaAllah be granted Jannah. That's all. You owe them, those so called parents, nothing. Love them as much as you can, yes do that if you feel you should, but don't care if they don't love you back, Sevgi. They have no love to give. For what have they ever done to deserve your love?


They knew how to make a life but not how to maintain it. They never deserved you and you deserve so so so much better.


Sorry, just can't say anything more now and I'm sorry if I offended you but darn it, I'm boiling. Astagfirullah.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

He is coming back from where he moved....dno if i explained that bit..a year ago, he left us,saying that i was killing him and he needed space.so i have been looking after my family while still living away from home.

his torture is psychological. he calls like ten times a day just to scream and swear and put me down. he is on a mission to hurt me. he threatens me insanely. the other day he told me he dreamed of locking me up and tying me down so that i could go absolutely nowhere and see noone...

with an AVO, he cannot contact me. period.

but i have always been all for embracing this as my test from Allah....even if it kills me.

well in islam we aint suppose to take oppression. so i wud make him stop the abuse, but i wudnt cut him out.

try help him?


if i was u i wud eiva distance myself from him or weneva he needs me show i dont like him coz of the way he is


wat u rekon?

[sevgi]

Why didn't you do it?


To me Sevgi, to be completely honest with you, he is just part of the reason you got born and nothing more valuable than that. I'd say get an restraining order or whatever, cut him out of your life. Make him for once become a man and survive on his own, if not incompetance will lead him to disaster than so will waswasa. He is not OK and you should stay away from him. The test is, you to finally break free and realize, you don't have to do it..


What has he ever done to deserve an value in you, such a beautiful person who strives so hard to please Allah and the people she loves? Where did he get the right to destroy a child's life the way he did? Where did your mother get that right? They gave birth to you, but that's about it. You owe them nothing at all. Allah subhana we ta'ala brought you to life, this slave, another strong slave to fight in His way and inshaAllah be granted Jannah. That's all. You owe them, those so called parents, nothing. Love them as much as you can, yes do that if you feel you should, but don't care if they don't love you back, Sevgi. They have no love to give. For what have they ever done to deserve your love?


They knew how to make a life but not how to maintain it. They never deserved you and you deserve so so so much better.


Sorry, just can't say anything more now and I'm sorry if I offended you but darn it, I'm boiling. Astagfirullah.

you know me.

i cant do that.

my dad is nothing without me. he needs me. my family needs me.

i dno what to say..ur right hun..

[sevgi]

well in islam we aint suppose to take oppression. so i wud make him stop the abuse, but i wudnt cut him out.

try help him?


if i was u i wud eiva distance myself from him or weneva he needs me show i dont like him coz of the way he is


wat u rekon?

he hurts me.so i dont call him.thats how i can distance myself from him.when i dnt call him..he builds up such hatred..i only harm myslef in the end.

when i miss a phone call of his, or pick up after more than say 5 rings......i dnt even want to explain.......he calls me everything under the sun.

this is a man who thinks i am a terrorist coz i burnt the food once....cpz aparently one cannot burn food by accident. it must be intentional to be so stupid. and any intentinal act of harm is terrorism..urghh..

how does one distance themself from such a man?

he knows i hate him..thats why he attacks me..so that there is no room for me to attack him.he must be the victim of my wrath in order to ignore and justify all the bad he does.

[sevgi]

why am i telling you guys all of this.........urgghh....u all think im weird now.

i really am fine.really.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ i know people who put up with stuff like that 30+ years n counting


and everytime i see em they cherish the moments we have


its up to you, you can eiva cut him out, or put up wiv it WHILST mainly concentrating on whats good

if u aint got much good, ask Allaah to grant more good, and try search for more good times


i hope this advice is slightly practical for you

[IbnAbdulHakim]

why am i telling you guys all of this.........urgghh....u all think im weird now.

i really am fine.really.

nah i think the rest of this forum is weird n ur normal :D

no joke

[Al-Zaara]

you know me.

i cant do that.

my dad is nothing without me. he needs me. my family needs me.

i dno what to say..ur right hun..

And that's why I'd like to shake you from top to toe!

What can I say? I admire your strength and great heart and constant compassion, Sevgi, I can't help but admire that, knowingly in your situation, I wouldn't have been as patient as you are. I would have turned the world upside down. I wouldn't have taken it. I pray that Allah subhana we ta'ala will reward you for everything you've done, every little tear and sad day... For you definitely deserve it, hun.

But I know I might sound rebellious and bad and whatever, but what if you did try to make him live on his own? He has never lived without haunting you and how do you know he actually needs you? What he needs, is MUCH proffessional help and Allah's guidance. I mean seriously, you know I am right. You just find it hard to make this into a practical thing, I can sense that. You're so scared, it shows through miles and miles away.

You know why you can't help him Sevgi? Because you yourself are still broken. You are still hurt and weak, shaken inside. Although slowly you get stronger and stronger by the will of Allah subhana we ta'ala, you cannot help him. He isn't just like an little kid's nightmare which they have to face at night, he is a nightmare reality. A little kid fears the dark because it's unkown and its imagination is playing. You on the other hand, see reality in the eye, have to hear its voice and threats, have to put up with an person who has lost touch with this dunya and his mind. You can never help him, except for one only little thing. Dua. Nothing else, for the more you spend your time on him, the more you loose yourself.

This is just my opinion but Ihope you take it into consideration.

[sevgi]

^ i know people who put up with stuff like that 30+ years n counting


and everytime i see em they cherish the moments we have


its up to you, you can eiva cut him out, or put up wiv it WHILST mainly concentrating on whats good

if u aint got much good, ask Allaah to grant more good, and try search for more good times


i hope this advice is slightly practical for you

the latter...and ive been trying for 20 years to see the good. sometimes i need a shove..and you guys seemed to do a good job this time.

thanks for opting for logical and practical advice. as i said, ur a smart cookie.

nah i think the rest of this forum is weird n ur normal :D

no joke

thanks. i just dnt like being coupled with those who are traumatised etc etc...im doing fine.im functioning.im managing.unbelievably well. i just get tired. very much so.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ sounds normal

hope u make the right choises, inshaAllaah

[sevgi]

And that's why I'd like to shake you from top to toe!

What can I say? I admire your strength and great heart and constant compassion, Sevgi, I can't help but admire that, knowingly in your situation, I wouldn't have been as patient as you are. I would have turned the world upside down. I wouldn't have taken it. I pray that Allah subhana we ta'ala will reward you for everything you've done, every little tear and sad day... For you definitely deserve it, hun.

But I know I might sound rebellious and bad and whatever, but what if you did try to make him live on his own? He has never lived without haunting you and how do you know he actually needs you? What he needs, is MUCH proffessional help and Allah's guidance. I mean seriously, you know I am right. You just find it hard to make this into a practical thing, I can sense that. You're so scared, it shows through miles and miles away.

You know why you can't help him Sevgi? Because you yourself are still broken. You are still hurt and weak, shaken inside. Although slowly you get stronger and stronger by the will of Allah subhana we ta'ala, you cannot help him. He isn't just like an little kid's nightmare which they have to face at night, he is a nightmare reality. A little kid fears the dark because it's unkown and its imagination is playing. You on the other hand, see reality in the eye, have to hear its voice and threats, have to put up with an person who has lost touch with this dunya and his mind. You can never help him, except for one only little thing. Dua. Nothing else, for the more you spend your time on him, the more you loose yourself.

This is just my opinion but Ihope you take it into consideration.

everything ur sayn is right.and i know it. i agree.

my only wish:

to, regardless of his potent wrath, became such a strong woman.become a self reliant woman who respects herself and needs noone but Allah.

i do not want to get married and become dependent on a man again. a woman must depend on her husband yes, but not the way i will with all my flaws and weaknesses.

i have found me. i just cant live me.he wont let me.my husband will allow me to live me without trembling from the fear of my father.

inshallah.

[Zahida]

:sl: You know what i think i just glimpsed a reflection of myself........... I know why i am like this though, everything ,every good, every effort i have made has just been turned and put back in my face so i have adopted a attitude to i don't care anymore. Why bother people bring up the bad but forget that there is also a good side to everyone. But i must warn you before it becomes too late and you become bitter you must practise 'zikr' and get back your peace of mind. I hope things improve. Take care:statisfieQUOTE=sevgi;991507]salams...

im not big on writing in anon...i have nothing to hide...and even tho you guys know my name..im very much an anon either way...noone knows me...

ive lived a lot in my life...and i cant be bothered explaining any of it...the things i have lived have hurt and harmed me to the point where my social and emotional functioning is affected immensely....but noone really knows.

what is getting to me lately is the fact that i am becoming a cynic...one which noone can bother putting up with.

i dont want to be a cynic...it hurts me to not trust people..but i really cant help it...but regardless, i need people so much....so i continue to trust-ish, and yet i dont believe they can help me. yeh im a cynic...a pretty bad one..and im not two faced, so when i think someone is being selfish, or they are stupid or untrustworthy, i sort of just say it...thats what ive been doing lately...and although people know that i have problems, and try to be understanding, i know that they are getting sick of me and i am pushing all their buttons...i dont want to be labelled a "b-word"....but i am being one.

i cant trust people. no way.even while writing this, i am like "why are u even bothering...theyre all just gonna write back really general things, they dont know the extent to which you are hurt etc etc..." but i cant help asking for advice either way, coz atm, my own judgement is corrupt....

any takers? what can you say to me?

(please refrain from telling me to not trust anyone but Allah...i know that)[/QUOTE]

[Zahida]

I am a mother. Reading your story made me cry ....... I made dua/prayers for you........

no i have no issues with sharing my story. its just too complex.

basically..i cant help but 'expect' from people...coz its inate...the people i expect things from are my parents etc..it hurts me to live knowing that they havent played their roles...and continue to ruin my life.

i was born two months premo coz my parents couldnt stop fighting. they wanted to get divorced but they found out i was on the way. they stayed togetehr coz of me.

my mum locked herself in a room since i can remember.never mothered me.never hugged.never cried. never put me to sleep. never spoke. never stood up for me.never will.she has and does tell me she hates me.

my dad bashed me when i was still one month premo. never stopped. i became his toy. he became obsessed with controlling me. i was the only thing that was scared of him. i still am the only thing he has. the only one left beside him coz i am the only one both weak and strong enuf to stay beside him.

i left home aged 16. i had to.i worked so hard not to hate people. to smile every morning. to tell myself there were worse situations.but my dad continued to exert his authority in ways which please his evil disposition. i try to understand him. i try to love him. i try to love everyone.and i do...i guess.

but it hurts.like...to struggle through life.all alone.sometimes ur Imaan just isnt strong enuf to hold to the hope that Allah is with you.im still young.sometimes i wish i could complain about the trivial things which girls my age complain about.i i wish i could just kick back one day and be free. but its impossible. the moment i am alone...my past haunts me. i have to struggle thru life, trying to fix and forget and forgive all that has been done to me. but it is still happening........so i am trying t undo things which are begin done at the same time. as i climb that ladder of hope...they knock me down.i cant explain...its too complex. everyone has always used me. my dad against my mum and everyone else.

i dnt wana care anymore.i want to be carefree...for just a day maybe.to laugh like nothing is wrong.like i am exactly the same as anyone else. im sick of trembling thru life....shaking at the thought of my father....shuddering at the idea of him seeing me being normal....cringing every time he calls. im sick of lying to him coz even the most benial of things transform into fuel for his hate fests.he vomits hate on me every morning...every night...and in between, when he cant catch me....i try to grow.

when i come home to visit my mum and siblings...i just want to feel accepted. but all i get is a blank stare from her...and a laboured "when are you going back?" my housemates call their mums..get recipies, advice, share jokes and laughs....ive been away from home for 5 years and my mum has never once called me.i dont exist for her.i taught myself to cook nd clean.my housemates teased "didnt ur mum teach you anything?!" i was 16...and no she didnt.i'd get sick...and all i wanted was someone to care...i dno...ur just so vulnerable wen ur sick...

these are little things...which are just on my mind now. if i told you the serious stuff..i'd have to kill u all.its just my dad. his abuse is potent.and i hate everyone coz of him...coz he hates me with such passion.i try to convince myself that im not disgusting...but i am.i know i am.i know that all that he says is true.but i try so hard to be a good person. i never wanted to be the way i am. i wish i was smart and hard working and all.and i think i am...but he doesnt. he denies me of any good attribute i just mite have....and he says he knows me better than i know myself...perhaps he is right.

im gna shut the hell up now.i have an essay due in a few hours...havent started. i cant...the moment im alone with a blank page...it all comes flying back...i'll never forget the little sevgi.i was so lonely you guys.i was so small.tiny.trembling.i'd walk slanted on rainy days so that the puddled water wouldnt seep through th eholes in my shoes.futile...i'll never forget my sore toes from wearing shoes i'd outgrown. my older bro left wen he was 10.i was so alone.

he is so gna burn in hell.

[barney]

Cynicism when taken to extreme is harmful, just like anything in life.

Having a healthy cynicism simply means not being gullible or naive. If people have hurt you in the past you can use these lessons to ajust your interactions in future situations. There is nothing wrong with giving people the benifit of the doubt, but caution in this is a wise move.
It is a natural human response to be self serving, if someone or something is demanding respect in your life, have they earned the entitlement to that respect?

[sevgi]

Cynicism when taken to extreme is harmful, just like anything in life.

Having a healthy cynicism simply means not being gullible or naive. If people have hurt you in the past you can use these lessons to ajust your interactions in future situations. There is nothing wrong with giving people the benifit of the doubt, but caution in this is a wise move.
It is a natural human response to be self serving, if someone or something is demanding respect in your life, have they earned the entitlement to that respect?

they themselves are cynics...they feel that they deserve or have earned respect..so they force it..etc..

[sevgi]

im doing it again.

people are retarded. i swear. especially women. who gave em a voice again? what an idiot.

[Saimah Ali]

sis whats wrong

[sevgi]

:(

i dno anymore. i hate that people are so selfish..when i give so much of myself...

[Saimah Ali]

try and explain?

[sevgi]

heres my old post. theres so much i cud add to it now..but its not worth it. i give up.

no i have no issues with sharing my story. its just too complex.

basically..i cant help but 'expect' from people...coz its inate...the people i expect things from are my parents etc..it hurts me to live knowing that they havent played their roles...and continue to ruin my life.

i was born two months premo coz my parents couldnt stop fighting. they wanted to get divorced but they found out i was on the way. they stayed togetehr coz of me.

my mum locked herself in a room since i can remember.never mothered me.never hugged.never cried. never put me to sleep. never spoke. never stood up for me.never will.she has and does tell me she hates me.

my dad bashed me when i was still one month premo. never stopped. i became his toy. he became obsessed with controlling me. i was the only thing that was scared of him. i still am the only thing he has. the only one left beside him coz i am the only one both weak and strong enuf to stay beside him.

i left home aged 16. i had to.i worked so hard not to hate people. to smile every morning. to tell myself there were worse situations.but my dad continued to exert his authority in ways which please his evil disposition. i try to understand him. i try to love him. i try to love everyone.and i do...i guess.

but it hurts.like...to struggle through life.all alone.sometimes ur Imaan just isnt strong enuf to hold to the hope that Allah is with you.im still young.sometimes i wish i could complain about the trivial things which girls my age complain about.i i wish i could just kick back one day and be free. but its impossible. the moment i am alone...my past haunts me. i have to struggle thru life, trying to fix and forget and forgive all that has been done to me. but it is still happening........so i am trying t undo things which are begin done at the same time. as i climb that ladder of hope...they knock me down.i cant explain...its too complex. everyone has always used me. my dad against my mum and everyone else.

i dnt wana care anymore.i want to be carefree...for just a day maybe.to laugh like nothing is wrong.like i am exactly the same as anyone else. im sick of trembling thru life....shaking at the thought of my father....shuddering at the idea of him seeing me being normal....cringing every time he calls. im sick of lying to him coz even the most benial of things transform into fuel for his hate fests.he vomits hate on me every morning...every night...and in between, when he cant catch me....i try to grow.

when i come home to visit my mum and siblings...i just want to feel accepted. but all i get is a blank stare from her...and a laboured "when are you going back?" my housemates call their mums..get recipies, advice, share jokes and laughs....ive been away from home for 5 years and my mum has never once called me.i dont exist for her.i taught myself to cook nd clean.my housemates teased "didnt ur mum teach you anything?!" i was 16...and no she didnt.i'd get sick...and all i wanted was someone to care...i dno...ur just so vulnerable wen ur sick...

these are little things...which are just on my mind now. if i told you the serious stuff..i'd have to kill u all.its just my dad. his abuse is potent.and i hate everyone coz of him...coz he hates me with such passion.i try to convince myself that im not disgusting...but i am.i know i am.i know that all that he says is true.but i try so hard to be a good person. i never wanted to be the way i am. i wish i was smart and hard working and all.and i think i am...but he doesnt. he denies me of any good attribute i just mite have....and he says he knows me better than i know myself...perhaps he is right.

im gna shut the hell up now.i have an essay due in a few hours...havent started. i cant...the moment im alone with a blank page...it all comes flying back...i'll never forget the little sevgi.i was so lonely you guys.i was so small.tiny.trembling.i'd walk slanted on rainy days so that the puddled water wouldnt seep through th eholes in my shoes.futile...i'll never forget my sore toes from wearing shoes i'd outgrown. my older bro left wen he was 10.i was so alone.

he is so gna burn in hell.