Greetings and peace be with you Eeman,
Search for other solutions, study Islam online, go to the library, ask Islamic questions on forums. You have a life time ahead of you, maybe do a degree in something else, study Islam part time, do a voluntary job beneficial to your faith.
It takes two to argue, reply quietly and slowly to your family, listen more than you speak.
If you live to be a great grandmother, you will more than likely face many problems with the same kind of intensity as you are facing now. I say this because life seems to keep us struggling and we need to search for a coping strategy.
The past has happened and you cannot change anything that has happened, you can only act on the present and possibly influence the future. You cannot change other people, they can only change themselves.
You have a whole series of choices open to you in what you do now. You need to gain control of your mind
Life is a journey always one day at a time and you just need the strength of mind and body to get through today. You need to push yourself one more time, pray as if everything depends on God, work as if everything depends on the efforts of your brain and your hands.
Tomorrow you just repeat this process all over again.
Here is a simple yet powerful prayer, it is about striving to change yourself rather than trying to change others, striving for peace in your heart.
Lord grant me the peace and serenity to live with the things I cannot change
Give me the courage to change the things I can.
And give me the wisdom to know the difference.
To understand how the prayer works here is how one lady used it whilst living in London during the second world war. Most days London was being bombed, she had no control over were the bombs would land. She would hear about; and see the death and destruction; she might be killed, her family might be killed, her home or work or shops might be bombed. Yet every day she had to get up, feed herself and her family, and do some work.
The first line of the prayer,
grant me the peace and serenity to live with the things I cannot change.
She had to live with all the injustice, fear, anger, hate, death and destruction surrounding her. She could not change what happened yesterday, she cannot change other people. If you continually want to change; or try to change the things that cannot be changed you will make yourself ill.
Give me the courage to change the things I can.
The only thing she could change was herself and what was going on in her own heart and mind. Somehow she would have to keep striving and coping or crack up, she did not know how long this destruction would last. Despite all the problems she directed her prayer to finding peace in her heart.
Give me the wisdom to know the difference.
The last line of the prayer is something you have to work out for yourself , you need to search for the real things that you can change; and strive to live with loving kindness with all the things you cannot change.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a great mystery; Lord help me to live this day and every day knowing that you hold me in the palm of your hand.
In the spirit of searching for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding,
Eric