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believer
04-03-2008, 10:43 PM
I am now tested more with my faith....

I went home again to my country which is not really a halal place.

I am married to a Christian wife who simply made extra marital affairs behind my back while I was gone for 1 and a half year.

I wanted to kill her for what she did. But I was thinking about the overall good of the family as a whole... especially my innocent daughter... so I made a more mature approach.

Praying 5 times A Day became a real challenge now more than ever.

But I manage praying the Fajr and the Ibadah.... perhaps this made me stronger and more able to handle the situation.

I already forgave my wife for her sins... but I told her that I want to punish her still.

I told her I need to hit her with a stick... but I dont know how many times?

I told her that I cannot allow her to leave or commit suicide because she is still the mother of my daughter... and my daughters paradise in at the feet of my unclean wife. if she did commit suicide... it will still be not enough payment for the damage she has done.

SO I told her, she still has a lot of work in the family household. So she has to stick it up with me and deal with it.

I think her conscience is bothering her which also results to her mild bipolar attacks.

I told her to wash her extremeties and ask God for protection against the evils of Satan and his cohorts.

She did it anyhow... and I hope that she is doing this for good.

I am afraid she is very unstable and will easily slip back into her old ways.

How many times should I hit her?...

She agrees to be punished anyway.

Bros and Sis... now is the time for me to ask your advice.

I am devastated inside.

:cry:

And even if you were allowed to hit her with a stick bro how do you think its going to change her? Would you have to hit her every week so that she gets the right dosage?

Think about what your are saying.

Assalamu Alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatuh,

I agree with Akhee Al Habeshi,

Here is some information from IslamQA

With regard to hitting one’s wife, this is not the first choice of ways to discipline her. First of all one should exhort and advise her. If that does not work, then (the husband) should forsake her in bed [i.e., not have conjugal relations with her]. If that does not work, then he may hit her, but not severely, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning);

“As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allaah is Ever Most High, Most Great” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34].

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of you are those who are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3895; Ibn Maajah, 1977; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
If a woman rebels against her husband and disobeys his commands, then he should follow this method of admonishing her, forsaking her in bed and hitting her. Hitting is subject to the condition that it should not be harsh or cause injury. Al-Hasan al-Basri said: this means that it should not cause pain.

‘Ata’ said: I said to Ibn ‘Abbaas, what is the kind of hitting that is not harsh? He said, Hitting with a siwaak and the like. [A siwaak is a small stick or twig used for cleaning the teeth - Translator]

The purpose behind this is not to hurt or humiliate the woman, rather it is intended to make her realize that she has transgressed against her husband’s rights, and that her husband has the right to set her straight and discipline her.
Taken from >
http://www.islamqa.com/index.php?ref=41199&ln=eng
http://www.islamqa.com/index.php?ref=3347&ln=eng

And Allah Knows Best

WaAlaykumus Salaam Warahmatullah

P.S Maybe the last 3 posts should be moved to a new thread, they seem a bit off topic, lol :)
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rabarbara2008
04-04-2008, 04:11 PM
Great input, good advice. I totally agree!
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Thought
04-09-2008, 06:23 PM
Originally Posted by believer
I am now tested more with my faith....

I went home again to my country which is not really a halal place.

I am married to a Christian wife who simply made extra marital affairs behind my back while I was gone for 1 and a half year.

I wanted to kill her for what she did. But I was thinking about the overall good of the family as a whole... especially my innocent daughter... so I made a more mature approach.

Praying 5 times A Day became a real challenge now more than ever.

But I manage praying the Fajr and the Ibadah.... perhaps this made me stronger and more able to handle the situation.

I already forgave my wife for her sins... but I told her that I want to punish her still.

I told her I need to hit her with a stick... but I dont know how many times?

I told her that I cannot allow her to leave or commit suicide because she is still the mother of my daughter... and my daughters paradise in at the feet of my unclean wife. if she did commit suicide... it will still be not enough payment for the damage she has done.

SO I told her, she still has a lot of work in the family household. So she has to stick it up with me and deal with it.

I think her conscience is bothering her which also results to her mild bipolar attacks.

I told her to wash her extremeties and ask God for protection against the evils of Satan and his cohorts.

She did it anyhow... and I hope that she is doing this for good.

I am afraid she is very unstable and will easily slip back into her old ways.

How many times should I hit her?...

She agrees to be punished anyway.

Bros and Sis... now is the time for me to ask your advice.

I am devastated inside.

:cry:
brother how are you doing? you sounded like you were being tested by Allah (swt). know that he always has a plan for you..
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believer
04-14-2008, 04:21 PM
Originally Posted by Thought
brother how are you doing? you sounded like you were being tested by Allah (swt). know that he always has a plan for you..
I am sorry for posting in the wrong thread... I guess my mind is not thinking clearly these days. Thank you so much for the concern... I really appreciate it a lot.

About the fruits of knowledge... I must admit, knowledge seems to be my strong weapon under these circumstances. But sometimes... when emotions steps in... dark thoughts play around my head.

The contemplation for divorce is pressing. But when I am refreshed by prayers... I seem to feel that this is just another test.

Sometimes - the Christian line of "Carry your own cross and follow me" thing steps in. Am I going to accept this suffering?... I am not a Christian... and the only problem I have is I live in a Christian world.

Astagfirallah... Audhubillahi minash Shaytan nir rajeem...

Salaam everyone.
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AntiKarateKid
04-14-2008, 04:47 PM
Brother, you have been given an immense test. I surmise that if you pass this you will no doubt get one of the highest places in heaven. Talk to your local Imam and if you can't do it like that, then say it is your friend who is having this problem.

It is already a good sign that your prayers are working and you have not acted rashly like she did. Keep it up and it can only get better and keep your daughter in mind.
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believer
04-14-2008, 04:55 PM
Originally Posted by AntiKarateKid
Brother, you have been given an immense test. I surmise that if you pass this you will no doubt get one of the highest places in heaven. Talk to your local Imam and if you can't do it like that, then say it is your friend who is having this problem.

It is already a good sign that your prayers are working and you have not acted rashly like she did. Keep it up and it can only get better and keep your daughter in mind.
Salaamualaikum Brother,

Thank you so much for what you just said... I cant help but cry right now... Thank you very much.

Allah Hafiz...
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Thought
05-26-2008, 07:32 PM
Originally Posted by believer
I am sorry for posting in the wrong thread... I guess my mind is not thinking clearly these days. Thank you so much for the concern... I really appreciate it a lot.

About the fruits of knowledge... I must admit, knowledge seems to be my strong weapon under these circumstances. But sometimes... when emotions steps in... dark thoughts play around my head.

The contemplation for divorce is pressing. But when I am refreshed by prayers... I seem to feel that this is just another test.

Sometimes - the Christian line of "Carry your own cross and follow me" thing steps in. Am I going to accept this suffering?... I am not a Christian... and the only problem I have is I live in a Christian world.

Astagfirallah... Audhubillahi minash Shaytan nir rajeem...

Salaam everyone.
brother i read your pain. Remember that the islam helps you not only in word but also in deeds. Whenever you are in need you can contact me.
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Camomilla
08-17-2008, 03:10 PM
watch this 3 mins. video about
Sheikh Yusuf Estes: "Beat Women in Islam? Their High Value"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvuVEUoSeRk

I'm sure you will find other videos about this, this is only the short version.
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