husband problem

[javeriya]

salaam evry1 and ramadhan mubarak.

my marriage has become burden for me. last year my husband cheated on me with my sister he got cought. i let him off twice,coz e promised e will change. now he is cheating on me again with someother women. ive asked him and he denied. i have three little kids. plus he just recently divorced his 1st wife. i really dont know what to do leave him or stay with him.i wear full hijab and e is a showoff. i feel like takein my hijab offafter seeing him like this. pleeez give me advice.

[Tania]

Try to see if you can manage alone without your husband. A man who cheated once its able any time to cheat again. Have you spoke with your mom :? Raising 3 childrens alone its challanging and you need to know exactly if you can manage alone or your parents will help you.

[Na7lah]

Start wearing your Hijab again Ukhty and always ask Allah for help
remember the dua of the wronged one is always answered

do u hav any family around that can help you?

[Eeman]

salam alaikum sis...

i pray that Allah swt brings peace to your heart, guides you heart and fills it with the noor of imaan... disposes all your affairs for you, makes your hardships easy for yourand gives you your reliefs, answers each and every supplication made to Him by you and Insha'Allah bestows you with Jannatul firdaus...

sis you want my honest advice... i know its hard wallah i know how hard it is... it harder for you cos Masha'Allah you have 3 children... but you need to wake up and smell the coffee ask Allah swt for strength and guidance...

make your istikhara dua and see what it brings you...
i did the same and made up my mind to leave my husband and now i'm still in the process...

if your husband had 2 wives yet felt the need to cheat on you with YOUR OWN SISTER (astaghifirullah) does tht not make you think? then he does it again!!! May Allah have mercy on your husband and guide him to the straight path... but sis... once done you forgave second time only you will be the fool to think that he wont do it again... im sorry to be so blunt but you need to wake up and realise.

dont take yur hijab off... your wearing your hijab for the sake of Allah and to please him and not your husband but f your wearing it to please your husband then you need to sit and think to yourself are you really wearing hijab for the right purpose and is it realy going to be accepted and rewarded by Allah swt?
if not done for His sake then it is nothing but a waste of deed.

and bare in mind that whatever he does whatever wrong he does however much he shows off... Allah swt sees all knows all... your husband is merely wronging himself not you nor anyone else and he will be held into ccount for everything he does... No burden bares the burden of another souls sins...

so 2 wrongs dont ever make a right sis... let him do what he likes you hold on tight to your faith and put your trust in Allah and be that muslimah for the sake of Allah swt to please Him and only Him, by you taking your hijab off just cos your husband is like this... is only going to have you do wrong to your ownself so beat that shaytaan right in the butt and be steadfast in your salah, fasts, worship and make LOADSSSSSSSSS of dua and be patient...

BUT DO YOUR ISTIKHARA!!! i cannot stress that enough for you sis.

wa salam :)

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[DaNgErOuS MiNdS]

Whatever you do, dont take of your hijab becuase you want to get back at him because then you will be sinning aswell. I dont know what to tell you regarding leaving him or not but as you have spoke to him before several times about what he is doing is wrong you need to get family involved so he knows you arent just going to let it pass and let him continue leaving you in such a bad situation.

Also make dua and ask Allah swt help you through.

[javeriya]

:sl:
thank u evry1 for an advice, yeah i guess doing isthikara will be the rite choice. once a cheat always a cheat. i dont see much improvement in him after haveing getting caught with my sister. i was his choice and he still cheated on me, i just wonder what he wants, he doesnt even let me disscuss all this with him, talks back to me with an attitude.:cry:

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ he sounds like a complete oaf

that being said give him a stern warning and have a "cooling off period" (less then 4 weeks inshaAllaah) and if he doesnt fix up you know the place your boots can kick


sorry but he sounds like the scum of the earth... astagfirullah may Allah guide us

[S_87]

sorry to hear about ur situation sister, may Allah make it easy for you to make the right decision

[javeriya]

thanx for the advise bros n sisters. life can be so hard. i thought love marriage have more chances of succeeding, but i guess i was wrong.


my husband was a hard core muslim, mashallah! e was the one to put on to the straight path, i dont understand y e has become like this.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

innah lillaahi wa inna ilaihi raajiun

sis just how hardcore was he? becoz a lot of people i know might appear "hardcore" but then i hear loads of things about em n think "what the heK?"

anyway thats not important,i hope you make the right decision inshaAllaah...

[youngsister]

:sl:

Subxanallah thats so scary the appear all religious first and then boom the truth comes out. Subxanallah

May Allah swt guide us to the right path

sister do not take your hijab off and subxanallah think about your children, in a muslim country he will be stoned subxanallah thats how sinful cheating is when you are married in your case definetly think about divorce even through it should be the last option what he is done is even worse may allah swt forgive him.

[Fatima001]

I honestly think that you should avoid being in the presence of a man who makes you feel worthless. Your kids need you and its your responsibilty to make sure they are not under the supervision of a man with such shamelessness. And just remember you are an independant women who can take care of herself stop feeling like you have nothing if he leaves you. You have nothing to lose.
Remember it is god who is always going to be there for you and no one in this world is should be the reason you upset Allah. If you upset him then you will never be satisfied so just have faith and be true to yourself and god.
May Allah (SWT) shower his grace upon u at all times.

[anonymous]

Any updates on the situation Javeria?

[Snowflake]

asalam alaikum dear sis,

Sister make plenty of dua to Allah to guide your husband. Although I have no sympathy for liars and cheaters, I'm thinking that for your kids' sake you have to give him a chance. When divorce happens, it's the kids who suffer. Normally, I would've said leave him. But I've seen so many innocent kids suffer due to their parents actions that I'm advising the opposite. He can change inshaAllah. Make sure you fulfil your religious duties and Allah will help you. Sometimes we forget Allah and then expect everything to be hunky dory in our lives. Don't make that mistake. Turn to Allah as He likes and He can change your husband in an instant. Have sabr inshaAllah sis.


Secondly sis, if your husband is having sexual relations with other women, he could catch something and pass it on to you. God forbid! So avoid him until he changes his ways and is tested.

Email me if you want to talk. May Allah subhana wa ta'ala guide your husband and your marriage be saved. Ameen.

*hugz*


asalam alaikum

[youngsister]

:sl: ^Being with someone because of the children is actually making things worse, you can be a good mum and a good dad while living apart staying together and living miserably knowing what the person did and be paranoid everytime they leave the house is not good
Subxanallah.

Sister dont be afraid to be alone, set a good example for your children especially if you have daughters..., Your in my duas.

[al Amaanah]

i feel like takein my hijab offafter seeing him like this. pleeez give me advice.

:wasalamex

may Allah make it easy on u, but what has taking ur hijab off to do with ur husband cheating on u? he is the one that needs to change and may Allah guide him and us all. but it isnt a solution to ur problems ukhti, so keep ur hijab on insha Allah.

:w:

[Amatullah_]

Assalaamu alaykum Sis..

I suggest you seek help from people who are more wise and knowlegable. Like scholars in your community. This is serious stuff here. You cant continue living your life with a man who is considered your 'husband' ...while he cheats on you and you on the other hand is having ill feelings about him in your heart. Thats no way to live. Its not healthy for you or him or your kids.

Get some serious help. ASAP.

[Snowflake]

asalam alaikum,

^^it's not the ideal situation in a marriage but it's worth trying to save it.. a mother and father can live apart and be good parents.. but children want their parents together no matter how good they are living separately. Also it's not as if he can't change. A marriage cannot be thrown away at the first sign of trouble. Problems need time to be fixed and people given a chance to change.

Whatsmore is that it's very difficult to bring up three children alone. And near impossible to remarry and bring a step-father into their lives with the assurance that he will treat them as his own. Instead of it getting easier being alone as you get older, it gets harder and you need a companion more than you ever did before. Kids cannot fill the gap. Therefore my advice is to attempt to save the marriage for ownself as well as the childrens'. Divorce should be the last resort when everything else has failed.

[BNDGR]

Asalam aliaikum sister,
I am so sorry for the situation you are experiencing. I feel for you and your children, it so sad that your husband can't be happy with the beautiful family he has and put his lust under control.
Taking off your hijab will not help you feel better, may sound good just to get back at him but then your displeasing Allah and it isn't worth that.
My parents didn't get along while I was growing and never even slept in the same room, they would constantly remind us that they were only staying together for us. Believe me it isn't good at all.
You deserve respect and love and a good man who can keep himself together and be a good father without wandering.
Sister inshallah you will be guided to what it best for you and your children.
I will keep you in my prayers
Take Care!!!!!!

[Orn]

Walaikum assalam

I'm really sorry for what happend to you sister, all I hope is that Allah (swt) keeps you and your children on the straight path you and your children will be in my dua's and sister dont take off your hijab it will only make things worse