Calling out to all brothers and sisters for help please...

[F0z14]

Asalaam Alikum my dear brothers and sisters, hope u are all in good health and enjoying Ramazan!

a little about me... ive wrote on this forum before; a post about a ex boyf at uni. thank u every1 4 ur replies. im sorry to be writing another post on this, especially in this blessed month, its just that i am going back 2 uni in a few weeks and im not prepared. im so anxious and worried its really affecting me.

i am worried about how i am going to adjust my life when i go bak, i love being at home and i dnt want 2 go back, alhamdulilah i have started to practise now and i am repenting for all my sins. uni life is different to home life, and i dnt really wanna go but i knw i have 2. i let him affect me for 2 long and i cant let him affect my degree. i mean my family letting me go was a great thing so i need 2 make them proud.

im so scared to see my ex, i still have feelings 4 him, last time i tried to contact him was 2 months ago, i rang 2 apologize and i was crying, and all he said was dont ring me again, and this is the guy that had promised to marry me. everything was horrible when he broke up me, i really lost myself, and i ended up harming myself just to get his attention which i sincerely regret, dont get me wrong i dont want him back, astagfirulla i dont ever want to be in a haraam relationship again, i just dont know how 2 deal with going back, with seeing him and seeing old friends.

the reason he broke up with me was because i had issues, i was abused by my first cousin as a child and my dad was very violent to us all. this made me very insecure and at times i would get really angry and have BAD outburts, with him also. generally i was really good to him, always doing things 2 please him, but he would always do things he knew made me insecure which would lead to a fight. sometimes my behaviour was really bizarre and me and him both couldnt understand why i was like that. in the end after he broke up with me, i couldnt take it so i came home, and i went to see my uncle and his peer, they told me i had something within me, and ive had it for a while. so he gave me a taweez to wear and he prayed over me several times. to be honest i think it was my first cousin who had done something to me, he really messed me up in alot of horrible ways!

alhamdulilah since all this i have started to practise also, and i dont get angry anymre at home, im really calm and relaxed. i told my ex this abt 2/3months ago and he wasnt bothered abt it at all. i think he jus always thought im a liar and attention seeker.

ive never contacted him again, been 2 months now. i told him 2 get back to me and he didnt. i really cared about him so much and i still managed to mess things up, i knw it was my own actions that turned his love to hate. but then i think he cant truly have loved me? its been months now and he hasnt bothered 2 get in touch. hes always talkin 2 our mutual girl mates, which when i hear about breaks my heart because i was his no.1 at one point.

i just dont know how to prepare myself to go back and live there, knowing i might bump into him at anytime, and i dnt knw how to face a few of my male mates which are his close mates, because they think im a psycho/freak. i feel so ashamed when i think abt my behaviour, n i dnt knw how 2 react when i do see him. i mean i knw i hurt him before, but hes hurt me so much, i chased and chased him and he completely rejected me, i hurt myself pyshically so many times just to get his attention, and i knw that is a major sin! i really dnt knw wat 2 do, me and him was really close before, and promised me the world, he really did say he wanted to marry me. but then he used to hang around with so many girls and he knew how insecure it made me because of when my cousin had ****ed abt with me when i was younger, i even rang his sister at his work place to tell her, because i was so angry about his promises but in the end i jus made out like i jus wanted her help. i feel really dirty, like really unpure. i feel like damaged goods. i dnt knw what 2 think, i knw its not his fault, but then is it all mine?? i knw Allah knows everything so only Allah knws the truth, but sometimes i think to myself that if some1 had done black magic against me then how can i be at fault?

sorry 4 dragging on guys, its just u guys are so great with replies and i trully believe u can help me, may Allah bless u all!

[F0z14]

and how do i PM other members?

[IB-Staff]

and how do i PM other members?

Currently you can only PM the staff. To be able to PM other members, you need to get 50 posts and become a FULL MEMBER.

[F0z14]

any advice regarding my post above plz?

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[------]

:salamext:

Sister it's really good to hear you've become practiscing mashaAllaah, may Allaah be with you every step of the way, Ameen.


About uni, all the advice I can offer is that lower your gaze sis. I know it can be really hard if you still have feelings for him...It sounds like he's really messed about with your feelings, but if you think about it you can use that to get back at him. You can get back at him by becoming closer to your Lord and tasting that pleasure, and believe me that pleasure is unique than anything else. Once he sees that you are not in need of him, and you are happy without him, he will regret messing around with you.


Try and change yourself into what your Lord will be pleased with. If you don't already wear hijaab then start wearing it inshaAllaah. Try and stop any minor sins you do.


Also sis make lots and lots of dua, because dua is one of the two things that can change our destiny. Make dua to be included within the people of paradise, make dua to be excluded from the the people destined to hell, make dua to become closer to your Lord, and inshaAllaah you will taste the sweetness of Imaan...

[F0z14]

Thank you Sister, i am alreadyin wearing my hijaab and im so happy mashallah, i have been practicising for 2 months now, and started wearing hijaab beginnin of Ramazan.

Sis do u think he messed me about then? even thou my own behaviour is what led to the spilt. to be honest it doesnt even matter about who was in the wrong, because im glad its over and i am repenting, sis i just dont know how 2 get over him, or how to react when i go back to live at uni, the thought it scares me so much

[------]

:salamext:

Your right, it doesn't matter who was in the wrong, as long as repentance is there.

Naturally it will be scary to face him, when your trying to get over him. Just try and avoid him inshaAllaah and lower your gaze, that's all I the advice I can offer. Because the more you look at him, the more your feelings will grow for him.

Getting over him will take time, how much time? That depends on your willpower and how much you lower your gaze. Make lots of dhikr inshaAllaah.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

ok im curious about one thing...

say you never had to see him again, and he didnt go to your uni, would you be completely over it and forget everything?

[F0z14]

Jhazak Allah Khair Sister xx

[F0z14]

definately, it wouldnt bother at all, i would actually prefer it that way brother, but transfer to a different uni is out the question

[IbnAbdulHakim]

well then best thing to do is pre-occupy urself, have goals for every minute you spend in Uni and never loiter. Find a place full of muslims where there is no free-mixing and chill there for times when you want to relax.


inshaAllaah

[F0z14]

and what about in the evening, he may be living in the same halls as me, and we have many mutual friends

[F0z14]

dont get me wrong, i really appreciate ur advice, thank you very much

[IbnAbdulHakim]

o u live away from home

that changes everything...

well the most obvious advice is avoid boys or girls who mix too much with boys.


if you cant find good companionship (ie good muslim friends) then its better to stay alone


i know how hard this advice is, upto you what you wanna do with it

[F0z14]

see even u see me as living away from home as a problem dont u? :-(

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ yeah i do, i would never allow my sister to live away from home, i'd constantly worry about her.


i hope you manage to make it through this ok inshaAllaah

[Re.TiReD]

AssalamuAlaykum Hun,

I'll catch you on MSN sometime Insha'Allah but I just wanna say, you KNOW you have it in you to avoid him and just IGNORE HIM.

I recall you saying somewhere before about the mutual friends thing and not being able to talk to him when they can....sis why would you feel jealusy over summin haram. Know that Allah saved YOU from further hurt and wrongdoing...

You're going to have to be strong for yourself sis, if I could I'd go uni with you on your first day, lol...All the best hun, stay strong.

WassalamuAlaykum

[DaNgErOuS MiNdS]

Do you have to go back to uni? how about a gap year? at the moment you've stepped in the right direction you need to keep at it, its obviously working for you just needs more time. University will really make an effect you because of all the history tied to it in my opinion, staying there can be like a life with rules and boundaries. I've seen may people in similar situations as you, just of them haven't realised as you have.

[F0z14]

aww thats so sweet sis thank you! lol, i wish u cud. ermm we are both at different unis in the same city which isnt a problem, its just seeing him and every1 else after everything thats happened.

and i dont wanna have 2 take a gap year, cuz then im letting him affect my life, and also my mum and dad wont agree 2 that they wouldnt understand why i wanna have a gap year

[F0z14]

hey i just need to let this out my system... im having a horrible day, cant stop crying, my hearts so much. even after 5 months im not over it, i feel so pathetic i really do! i couldnt even pray properly, jus prayed Isha and not travee. i dont know whats wrong with me!!!!

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you F0z14; I felt so sad after reading your story,

There has been some good advice, being able to forgive is the greatest way to heal, time also heals.

here is a poem....

Affirmation

JUST FOR TODAY I WILL RESPECT MY OWN AND OTHER'S BOUNDARIES
JUST FOR TODAY I WILL BE VULNERABLE WITH SOMEONE I TRUST
JUST FOR TODAY I WILL TAKE ONE COMPLIMENT AND HOLD IT IN MY HEART FOR MORE THAN JUST A FLEETING MOMENT. I WILL LET IT NURTURE ME
JUST FOR TODAY I WILL ACT IN A WAY THAT I WOULD ADMIRE IN SOMEONE ELSE
I AM A CHILD OF GOD
I AM A PRECIOUS PERSON
I AM A WORTHWHILE PERSON
I AM BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUTSIDE
I LOVE MYSELF UNCONDITIONALLY
I HAVE AMPLE LEISURE TIME WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY
I DESERVE TO BE LOVED BY MYSELF AND BY OTHERS
I AM LOVED BECAUSE I DESERVE LOVE
I AM A CHILD OF GOD AND I DESERVE LOVE, PEACE, PROSPERITY AND SERENITY
I FORGIVE MYSELF FOR HURTING MYSELF AND OTHERS
I FORGIVE MYSELF FOR LETTING OTHERS HURT ME
I FORGIVE MYSELF FOR ACCEPTING SEX WHEN I WANTED LOVE
I AM WILLING TO ACCEPT LOVE
I AM NOT ALONE, I AM ONE WITH GOD AND THE UNIVERSE
I AM WHOLE AND GOOD
I AM CAPABLE OF CHANGING
THE PAIN I MIGHT FEEL BY REMEMBERING CAN'T BE ANY WORSE THAN THE PAIN I FEEL BY KNOWING AND NOT REMEMBERING

http://www.mental-health-today.com/Healing/affir.htm

You have it within yourself to heal,

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding,

Eric

[F0z14]

i have forgiven, well i try to. i dont want anybody to burn in the hell fire because of me. everytime i sit down to pray, i pray for everytime, even thou im hurting so much i cant describe but my heart cannot help but to pray 4 him. maybe its guilt for the way i treated him i dont know? maybe its because i still care, i dont knw. i gave money to charity (sadka) aswel, because i felt bad 4 stressing him out so much and because he wouldnt accept my apology. i feel like i have come out worse then him, but i know i have brought it all upon myself. i know its my own fault, my own actions led to this heartbreak. i just dont know what 2 do, i dont know how to go back, i really wish i was over it, i dont want give him or any1 else the satisfaction that i still care because i do. my heart aches when i hear his name, when i remember things abt him, when i knw my friends have spoken 2 him. all these girls at one point he wasnt even that close 2. it hurts so much. i mean he really doesnt care, he couldnt even wish me Ramazan mubarak. but then do i think do i even need his wishes, i mean who is he. he talks 2 all these girls, he does insurance scams, he promised me the world and left, and never bothered to see how i was. what am i gonna do :-( sisters please help me

[julie sarri]

sis think of it like this that relationship was not meant to be Allah swt only wants whats best for us and that was not what was best for you at that time. And inshaallah you will get better than that because after hardship comes ease and Allah never burdens a person more than they can Handel. And just look at the fact that you are now practicing Alhamdulillah try and concentrate on your studies and try staying away from the crowd that know him try and improve your iman by reading Quran and asking Allah swt for help there is not one tear that drops from your eye that Allah doesn't know about stay strong and determined. try hanging around with more righteous practing sisters who stay away from free mixing i think you feel guity becouse you feel it was your fault that you split up but even if you were the most kindest dearest person to him if it was not meant to be it would have ended at some point any way so dont feel that you were to blame lot forwards not back and ask Allah swt to keep you strong and on the right path inshaallah

[F0z14]

i knw it wasnt meant to be, and i am happy with that, nothing can happen if Allaah SWT does not will 4 it to happen, and i definately do not want to go back to being in a haram relationship, i jus cant seem 2 get over it, i mean sometimes the pain is so fresh like it all happened yday. n when i think abt it tears run down my face automatically, therefore im so worried abt going bak, abt seeing him, abt adjusting my life. all i can see is a lonely dark time ahead...

[IbnAbdulHakim]

listen why worry about what hasnt come yet? seriously?

its like me about to approach a bend in the road terrified another car will come zooming past yet i havent got a clue whats to come. its silly to be honest

you dont know what Allaahs got planned for you, no one has any idea what the future holds, so i say relax and take it one step at a time


you got today right? make the most of it inshaAllaah, stop stressing bout 2moro

[Re.TiReD]

listen why worry about what hasnt come yet? seriously?

AssalamuAlaykum

^^ Ditto

Sis, you KNOW you're gonna be going to uni, you KNOW you're gonna see him and you KNOW you gonna have to deal with it, but sis...also know that anxiety before it's time is pointless.

You've been given some good advice masha'Allah so all ima add is:

Qul HasbiyAllahu '3alayhi Yatawakkalul Mutawakkiloon - Say, Sufficient is Allah for me! In Him trust those who put their trust.

Take care insha'Allah

WassalamuAlaykum

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you F0z14;

Nothing any of us say can help you, somewhere in your heart you need to find the way to forgive yourself and others.

Your cousin harmed you and made you feel guilty as if it is your fault, your dad was violent and made you feel it is your fault. Your ex boyfriend mistreats you and makes you feel it is your fault. And worse yet you harm yourself because other people have convinced you that it really is your fault.

People who abuse need to justify their actions, they are only doing it for the good of the victim. They make their victims feel dirty and guilty; when in fact the abusers are nothing less than sadistic.

You honestly deserve more, you need to understand you are a very special person in the eyes of Allah, he did not create you that you should harm yourself.

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding,

Eric

[transition?]

:sl:

Dear Sister,

I think the best idea is to stay away from those people and your ex at uni. I know you may think that you'll be lonely. But that isn't true. There are tons of kind people out there that you haven't noticed. But it might take time to find them. But what's wrong with that? nothing because, Sister, you need to stop creating awkward and detrimental relationships with others, and spend time nurturing your iman and patching yourself up, and especially create a better relationship with Allah (swt). This alone time will give you a perfect oppurtunity to concentrate on your iman building!Again, Why should you be lonely?!? You aren't alone, in fact you are doing the right thing!!! YOU ARE CHOOSING ALLAH (SWT) over your sins!! How do you think your Lord will Judge you on the day of Judgement, when He created you to worship Him, but instead spent all your time thinking about your ex. So every time you think about your ex, Think about how much you love Allah (swt). Sister, you were willing to hurt yourself for a human, but you are not willing to sacrifice your sinning for Allah (swt)?
When you build your relationship with Allah (swt) through good deeds and praying, you learn to place your trust in Allah (swt). You may not have enough strength to face all these obstacles by yourself. The fact is, however, you are not alone, Allah (swt) is with you at all time, and He is the Best Helper. He is Sustainer of the Universe. He helps the affairs of believers. So increase your faith, so you may increase your trust with Allah (swt)! and face any obstacle! :thumbs_up

And remember, back in the Prophets days, the Sahaba would have to face the ridicule of their own kind! many times it would go beyond ridicule! They would throw stones and call the Prophet and his followers liars! In battle, the Sahaba would have to fight against their own family members and "friends" to defend Islam. They did not compromise anything about Islam when it came down to their family members and neighbors!! How difficult should it be to defend yourself against people who I assume to be irreligious! So what if those people judge you? Allah (swt) is the Best Judge, and those people don't know you're trying to change. So ignore them, and continue with your duties.


:w:

[Re.TiReD]

Some replies from your other threads: :)

hey, i can understand wut you are going thru, but you have to realise you both got hurt in this, just not at the same time, also know that allah tests everyone in this life, i.e everyone has some sort of issues but if you believe and have faith in allah, life will go on. Your relationship with this guy was wrong from the start and you shoudl be thankful you are no longer in a haram relationship....stop calling him and erase him from your heart, dont acknowledge him wen you see him...
as for going back to uni, you dont have any other choice do you? I'm not being harsh but its your turn to be strong and not care wut people say, if your friends are temporary why are you hanging out wit them? I've always believed in having a friend for life, not for some time period only, choose your friends carefully.
Most importantly, become close to Allah because at the end of the day, only He can save you. I'm not saying this is gona be easy but life wasnt exactly meant to be easy.

hope this helps

salam wa 3lykom

well i must say im proud of u cuz u realized ur mistakes... now all u gotta do is avoid him ... n if its meant to be it will happen..i mean there is no reason for the haram ways, some ppl be like oh i dont believe in the whole arranged marraige .. how its gonna work... oh plz.... god made it that way for A REASON..... n he knows BEST so just focus on the religion............. n n ur school n u ll do fine inshallah .. good luck.. p.s u anit bad u were just lost........ salamz

ma sha Allah! Some awesome advice. Just to add:

1.
What lessons can you learn from that experience? (write them down)

2.
How can you use that experience to make you a better, stronger, more confident, and more resilient person?

3.
What three new amazingly cool and exciting goals you can set for your new semester? What actions steps will you have to take to get them done successfully?

4.
How can you prepare yourself to be an excellent muslimah and an outstanding slave of Allah? [You'll find your heart's contentment in just that, insha'Allah.]

Remember, it's not what happens to you that matters. It's what you DO with what happens to you--that matters! So, let that experience shape you to become the next version of you. Can you do that?

Am I making any sense? :)

AssalamuAlaykum My beautiful sis...

You know....matters of the heart are one thing you will never find a clear-cut 'answer' on, you'll never find a solution, a cure for a broken heart...But sometimes we all need to realise our worth, we need to realise that we make plans and so does Allah (swt), but He is the best of planners.

Firstly, when we hurt somebody, we end up breaking our own hearts in the process, because of the guilt we feel. Most often than not...the person we hurt will make us feel guilty for having treated them in such a way. The thing is sis, it takes two to form a relationship, it takes two for things to end, and thats you and the brother. But one point I want to make is that it takes TWO to move on and make a fresh start also. And that TWO is YOURSELF and ALLAH (swt).....people come and people go, but if your relationship with Allah stays strong and true then you will be the happiest of people bi'ithnillah.

Sis....I know that heartbreak is a killer, there was a time when I was lying awake at night, I could literally feel something breaking in me, my heart felt as though it was being torn apart....But realisation is a great thing, my realisation was that NOBODY could help me apart from Allah (swt) and I think maybe there's several things you need to realise, and you need to realise them on your own.

Firstly sister, you were hurt over the fact that this brother ended it with you, you know what I say? I say masha'Allah, masha'Allah that he had the courage and the nerve to end a haram relationship, sis thank Allah (swt) and remember that if marriage was the right choice for the two of you, nobody at all could have stopped it against Allah's plan.

Sometimes we look back and reflect on some of the things we did in life, we regret and we wish we hadnt done some things, we wonder if things will ever go back to normal and if we will ever get past this stage in life....but sis, life is strange, it makes us hurt before it heals, it makes us lose before we gain and cry before we smile. But that doesnt mean we should give up, we should continue to make du'aa for whatever it is we want, because we should do what we can do, and Allah will do what we cannot do.

You say you're ashamed of what you did after you broke up etc....Sis show that shame to Allah (swt) repent sincerely, if you had told me that you hadnt apologised to those you had hurt, I would have told you to, but since you have, I'll say that you've completed your duty, now it is up to your friends to fulfil their duty as friends and stand by you no matter what, because thats what friends are for.

Personally speaking, I've done many wacky and crazy things over the years, said things to my friends, behaved in strange ways etc but at the end of the day, they always forgave me, because the sign of a true friend is that they'll stand by you through your darkest hours, they'll be there for you, they'll wipe your tears when you cry...and I dont mean to be all sentimental but its true, our girlfriends are so much more important than we give them credit for, and if your friends arent there for you now, or if you're doubting whether or not they'll be there for you, then these arent the sort of people who deserve your friendship.

You sound a little like me btw sis, if I'd ever done something to hurt someody, I'd be afraid, a little nervous of how they might respond to me the next time I met them, and I know that going back to uni will be a massive step for you, but I always found that making du'aa helped, because you know....if worry and stress got us anywhere....we'd probably be the happiest of people, but the fact of the matter is, that it doesnt, that worrying our heads over something that has not happened yet, or something you have no control over, will do nothing but increase your anxiety, know that you are in the right now, for you have repented, you have asked for fogiveness and that is all you need. All that is left now is for you to go to uni next month, with a smile on your face, knowing that Allah (swt) will help you through this, stay strong hun and stay true to yourself, you will meet new people and they will help you get through this stage in life.

And maybe there's one thing you should know, and you may already know about guys is that they move on, when they're hurt they may show it but they heal quick, so although you say you hurt him but he now seems to be happy, its probably because he isnt hurting anymore and that he has forgotten everything and time has healed him, for time is a healer. So dont worry about him anymore, look after yourself now for you're the most important person in this, they can talk, they can give you the cold shoulder, but you have moved on also, you have changed your ways, and I think it takes somebody special, somebody who has a beautiful pure heart and somebody who is true to themselves to not bother about what the people say. For people will say a lot of things, but the one who created you is the most important one, its His (swt) opinion that counts and when you have been wronged, He will be the one to hear your call, He (swt) is Sami3 ash-Shakwa (The hearer of complaints/cries) ... so no matter what happens next month, no matter what anybody says, go back to uni with confidence. You have dont NOTHING wrong sis, nothing at all.

If people dont talk to you, if you have mutual friends, its time to make new ones dont you think...At the end of the day, how long is life? Save up for the aakhirah, friends will come and go. But also, this must be your second/third year at uni? Insha'Allah it'll fly past and then you'll move on to another phase in life, people forgive and people forget, its in our nature, nobody will bear a grudge for long over any of the things you did...Just remain positive.

And lastly sis, if anybody dares mention your past, keep one thing in mind, 'Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future'....And I pray Allah (swt) rewards you in abundance for your patience and for your faith in Him. Ameen!

:wasalamex

Ameen at your du'aas sis, may The Almighty reward you with much better. Ameen.

Sis you say you're jealous? Jealous of what exactly? Jealous that these other sisters are the ones doing wrong and that you're not, jealous that they're still talking to random non-mehram men and you're not? Jealous that Allah (swt) gave you a way out of a haram relationship and that the both of you have taken it? Sis think about it realistically and you'll know that you've come out of this situation the better and stronger person.

Sis dont worry about anything, whats done is done and nothing can change that, whats important now is that you carry on with your life, with your studies and without a care in the world about these people. I know its natural to worry about what people think about you, but I also know that to try and make them think good of you is useless and a waste of time.

May Allah (swt) help you sis. Ameen. And also on a side-note....Ramadhan is coming closer right, it'd be easier for you to go uni....and come straight home...dont linger about, that way you wont have to bump into him and you will also have more time for dhikr and the like :)

Take care insha'Allah sis

:wasalamex

[BNDGR]

Asalam alaikum Sister,
InshAllah Allah will give you the strength to stay on the true path. The other posters are so right, not mixing is the best, then the temptations and things that come along with it are not there.
Living away from home in the University probably makes things harder but it is ultimetly you who InshAllah will decide your path.
Take Care Sister and Ramadhan Mubarak!!

[F0z14]

Salaam, thank you everybody 4 ur posts, i really do appreciate u taking out the time to reply to my thread, may Allah SWT grant u success and happiness in this life and the hereafter inshallah! i know what i have 2 do, leave my friends from last year behind, and if anything i know im the 1 who has benefited from 'losing' these so called friends because it was haraam 4 me to be friends with guys anyway. i realy do believe He is looking out 4 me up there, alhamdulilah.

tranistion sister, thanks 4 ur reply, u putting it like that really woke me up abit, i appreciate it jhazakallah

[Re.TiReD]

Salaam, thank you everybody 4 ur posts, i really do appreciate u taking out the time to reply to my thread, may Allah SWT grant u success and happiness in this life and the hereafter inshallah! i know what i have 2 do, leave my friends from last year behind, and if anything i know im the 1 who has benefited from 'losing' these so called friends because it was haraam 4 me to be friends with guys anyway. i realy do believe He is looking out 4 me up there, alhamdulilah.

tranistion sister, thanks 4 ur reply, u putting it like that really woke me up abit, i appreciate it jhazakallah

Wa'alaykum salam

Ameen at the du'aas sis. May Allah (swt) keep you content and happy alwaysss! Ameen!

WassalamuAlaykum

[F0z14]

are u online sis?

[F0z14]

Asalaam alaykum my dear brothers and sisters! hope u are all in good health. i just wanted to share something with u... i dont feel upset today, or anxious even. i was even looking at some pictures from uni last year and i didnt really feel anythin, i was actualy thinkin i cant believe i went out with this guy. alhamdulilah i think i am gettin there slowly, inshallah. but i feel abit weird, because i dont feel upset or anythin and im confused about how i feel? this is probably because for the past 5 months non stop i was hurting and stressing and thinkin 24.7 i dont know how to feel now?

[Re.TiReD]

Asalaam alaykum my dear brothers and sisters! hope u are all in good health. i just wanted to share something with u... i dont feel upset today, or anxious even.

Wa'alaykum salam sis!

Awww masha'Allah you dunno how much your post made me grin! :D (check ur PM btw) Alhamdulillah, after difficulty comes ease, there's no doubt about it :D

i was even looking at some pictures from uni last year and i didnt really feel anythin, i was actualy thinkin i cant believe i went out with this guy. alhamdulilah i think i am gettin there slowly, inshallah

And I hope u deleted like I said :)

but i feel abit weird, because i dont feel upset or anythin and im confused about how i feel? this is probably because for the past 5 months non stop i was hurting and stressing and thinkin 24.7 i dont know how to feel now

Allah has blessed you, allowed you to move on. He has bestowed His sakeenah upon you. What is there to be confused about sis? :)

Thats it....You're freeeeeeee :D

:salamext:

[F0z14]

im feeling so down today, i dont know why! well i do know... hearing about him talking to girls, my mates. it hurts so much still. he doesnt care abt me

[------]

:salamext:

True love never vanishes.

[F0z14]

that doesnt really make me feel better sis :-(

[AnonymousPoster]

But do not care, because you are worth much more. You have given up something for the sake of Allah and your Eemaan, to become a better Muslim. A serious good advice is, to never talk to him. When he passes by, look away. Do not go crazy about avoiding places where he might go, because he doesn't own those places and this doesn't make your situation better by avoiding living your life at University. You have to go inside the lion's cage and ignore the lion (him). It might seem hard and very difficult, which it is, no one claims things like these are easy, but there have been many who have gone through situations similiar to yours and one thing is for sure; you can survive only if you want to.

Rather than seeing going back to University as an horrible trip back to the past, see it as an new chance for change, in yourself and your grades, your Eemaan and your attitude. Yes, he talks to girls, but what does it really matter? He doesn't care about you, he has forgotten about you, you have to understand that and accept it. Somewhere in this world there is someone who cares about you, do not waste your time and love on this person who clearly doesn't. Realize that, the love you give is only worth the person who fears Allah, for then this person will more fear to break your heart and be careful to drag himself and you, into sin.

My Best Wishes, dearest Sister

[AnonymousPoster]

im feeling so down today, i dont know why! well i do know... hearing about him talking to girls, my mates. it hurts so much still. he doesnt care abt me

if he dosnt care, why do u?

[IbnAbdulHakim]

:salamext:

True love never vanishes.

yes it does given enough time and distance :D


only marriage can make it last :)

[------]

if he dosnt care, why do u?

:salamext:

I don't think you've ever been in love. If you had, you wouldn't make this statement because you would not underestimate true love.

[AnonymousPoster]

buuut i can tell you that if someone wasnt interested on me, than i don't think i could be interested in them. id get 'put off' right away.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

buuut i can tell you that if someone wasnt interested on me, than i don't think i could be interested in them. id get 'put off' right away.

agreed

i think its self-esteem issues more then gettin over the geezah.

its the thought of not finding someone better who you can FEEL TEH SAME ABOUT



its all about the feeling, its like a buzz, you felt it with the person and you just aint sure if you can feel it again.

[AnonymousPoster]

its the thought of not finding someone better who you can FEEL TEH SAME ABOUT

or maybe u cant get over the memories/good times you had, and ud miss that hmmm

[IbnAbdulHakim]

or maybe u cant get over the memories/good times you had, and ud miss that hmmm

memories are so over-rated

its all about the present, people wanna b happy for the moment

the past wont affect you much if someone else is giving you those feelings, guaranteed

[anonymous]

buuut i can tell you that if someone wasnt interested on me, than i don\'t think i could be interested in them. id get \'put off\' right away.

yes yes, thats the correct mindset. ur only lettin him win by even thinking about him, when he couldn\'t even care less about you!

I don\'t think you\'ve ever been in love. If you had, you wouldn\'t make this statement because you would not underestimate true love..

what true love was it then if the guy no longer cares? that\'s what people call \"true love\"? more like a petty fling!

[Re.TiReD]

AssalamuAlaykum Sis Foz

I aint gunna say much cept u know wat it is u gotta do and how to get over the dude.

And I agree with the anon who said that if sum1 wasnt interested in dem, they'd be put off right away. Sis u only live once...Dont live it pining over somebody who couldnt care less. Sorry if thats harsh

[------]

buuut i can tell you that if someone wasnt interested on me, than i don't think i could be interested in them. id get 'put off' right away.

You were never in love then.

agreed

i think its self-esteem issues more then gettin over the geezah.

its the thought of not finding someone better who you can FEEL TEH SAME ABOUT



its all about the feeling, its like a buzz, you felt it with the person and you just aint sure if you can feel it again.

Then this wouldn't be classified as love. It would be classified as lust.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Then this wouldn't be classified as love. It would be classified as lust.

nope, theres another deception besides lust. dont be fooled

the buzz i was speaking about has absolutely NO intimate feelings involved, its the happiness of being around someone unlawfully

it causes feelings to develop, mostly longing for the person in question

yeah sure you can call it love, but to call something true love and grip it forever like a lion is, im sry, stupid

you keep things in your hand ready to throw away when necessary


whatever you call it, lust/true love or whatever, its a feeling which can diminish and be replaced with much better given the right conditions and circumstances

[Muhammad]

:sl: sister,

There's been quite a bit of advice regarding your circumstances, but there's one issue which I don't think has been addressed. This is really important:

i couldnt take it so i came home, and i went to see my uncle and his peer, they told me i had something within me, and ive had it for a while. so he gave me a taweez to wear and he prayed over me several times.

These people known as 'peers' have a lot of shirk associated with them - people believe they have the ability to do many things which in reality, only Allaah (swt) can do, such as increasing provision, knowing the unseen etc. Please have a look at these threads/links for further information and discussion regarding this:

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/48993
http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/11402
http://www.islamicboard.com/tawheed-...nts-islam.html
http://www.islamicboard.com/tawheed-...ves-shirk.html


Regarding the taweez, then this also is a dangerous issue - please look at these threads for further clarification Insha'Allaah:

http://www.islamicboard.com/tawheed-...62-taweez.html
http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/20207


Protect yourself against evil by remembering Allaah (dhikr) and reciting Qur’aan, especially Aayat al-Kursi. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever recites it will remain under the protection of Allaah and no shaytaan (devil) will be able to approach him until the morning.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari). And al-Mi’wadhatayn (the last two soorahs of the Qur’aan) may also be recited.

I hope this has helped to clarify Insha'Allaah, and Allaah Alone is whose help is sought.

:w:

[F0z14]

hey every1 thanks 4 ur replies lol. i like the whole lion theory, sounds like a good idea, i jus need 2 put it into practise! sis jolie thanks again, im just having a weak day!

and im not in love!!

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you F0z14;

You need to be truthful with yourself, you do not want to travel along the road of self harm at the start of term.

It may take you two or three years to get over your feelings for this man, you will not forget him; only time can ease the pain. It is a process you struggle with always one day at a time knowing that our God holds us in the palm of his hand.

Each day you fight these feelings you become a little stronger inside, you will have bad days and not so bad days. You may not have good days for a year, but you travel towards this always one day at a time knowing that our God holds us in the palm of his hand.

Somehow I have struggled through to reach the tender age of 59, and life for me is still about going through one more day at a time knowing that our God holds us in the palm of his hand.

In the spirit of praying for the strength, peace and serenity to live one more day,

Eric

[IbnAbdulHakim]

and im not in love!!

in that case you should be able to get on with life without a worry :D

[------]

yeh it was just lust then was it?

[Re.TiReD]

yeh it was just lust then was it?

Nobody can ever put a number on love, on how much you loved/love a person and whether or not it was true, that is up to the person to determine.

Think about it, how would you like it if I came to this conclusion of you... You dont trust in Allah, you forget Him often so that means u dont love Him? Na'uthubillah sis. Dont make random assumptions.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

yeh it was just lust then was it?

that question itself shows you didnt understand my post at all.


im saying NO MATTER WHAT YOU CALL IT, given enough time/distance/repentance/seeking help from Allaah etc , Allaah can replace the feeling with something much better



people need to understand this seriously !

[F0z14]

i dnt knw wat it is to be honest, i dnt knw if it was attachment,love, lust, infatuation, all i know is 5 months down the line im stil thinking and hurting about him

[AnonymousPoster]

You were never in love then.



Then this wouldn't be classified as love. It would be classified as lust.

maybe, maybe not. but whats that to do with it. love shoulnt be dictated by only emotions and feelings, it should also be dictated by common sense :)

if there isnt no mutual feeling, quit wasting your energy already :)

[F0z14]

Do u know what, im no longer bothered. here i am wasting my time over a guy who i shouldnt have even been involved with in the first place. i know this dunya is temporary so i should be spending my time doing what Allah SWT has sent us to do, worship Him and prepare for the Hereafter. Whatever's meant to happen will happen, i just need to remain focused on my Eaman and remember the real purpose of this life. i mean when and IF i do live to get married whats my future hasband going to think when he hears i was pining after another man. astagfirulla. and as for going back to uni, and these so called friends im worried about, Allah SWT has trully given me a blessing. its haram 4 me to be friends with these guys anyway so in actual fact i am really benefiting but sometimes i just fail to see it. and in regards to the EX, i had a lucky escape, if i was still with him i would have been living haraam and not practicising now. who knows if we will live to see tmro, and astagfirulla i would have died commiting a BIG sin. I KNOW that i have come out the better person, Allah SWT has given me a better way, i just need to start appreciating it.

when i go back, im just going to put my head down inshallah, stay away from the IN crowd, and if i see him i will lower my gaze and not give him the time of the day. cuz of him i messed up my exams, and when i go back i am going to work so hard inshallah that i come out with a 1st in my degree!!!

i know Allah SWT has saved me from so much haraam and sin, i was living in such a haram way, alhamdulilah i do feel blessed

[Re.TiReD]

Do u know what, im no longer bothered. here i am wasting my time over a guy who i shouldnt have even been involved with in the first place. i know this dunya is temporary so i should be spending my time doing what Allah SWT has sent us to do, worship Him and prepare for the Hereafter. Whatever's meant to happen will happen, i just need to remain focused on my Eaman and remember the real purpose of this life. i mean when and IF i do live to get married whats my future hasband going to think when he hears i was pining after another man. astagfirulla. and as for going back to uni, and these so called friends im worried about, Allah SWT has trully given me a blessing. its haram 4 me to be friends with these guys anyway so in actual fact i am really benefiting but sometimes i just fail to see it. and in regards to the EX, i had a lucky escape, if i was still with him i would have been living haraam and not practicising now. who knows if we will live to see tmro, and astagfirulla i would have died commiting a BIG sin. I KNOW that i have come out the better person, Allah SWT has given me a better way, i just need to start appreciating it.

when i go back, im just going to put my head down inshallah, stay away from the IN crowd, and if i see him i will lower my gaze and not give him the time of the day. cuz of him i messed up my exams, and when i go back i am going to work so hard inshallah that i come out with a 1st in my degree!!!

i know Allah SWT has saved me from so much haraam and sin, i was living in such a haram way, alhamdulilah i do feel blessed

:D

:D Alhamdulillah! ^^ yeah feel blessed sis. I dunno wat else to say :D lol subhanAllah :D

[IbnAbdulHakim]

stay away from the IN crowd? i WAS with this "IN" crowd, they were always prayin/recitin/joking and wrestling *reminisces* but if your takling about those gangsta wannabe's then LOL why would you call them the "IN" crowd :p

i gotta say, people need to realise who the best people to hang around wiv are, its the ones who make you feel sweet and good when your around them :)

only practising brothers make me feel like that :ooh:


see being with the wrong crowd is the very reason this whole problem began right? :X

[Re.TiReD]

^^

Yup... good post bro...I think it takes a while sometimes to figure out who the in group are...

They're the ones who remind you of Allah (swt).......live in the prayer room and ISOC quarter if you must :D but stay strong insha'Allah

[------]

:salamext:

I am sorry for my harsh comments in this thread, I was not in the right state of mind. Please forgive me.

[julie sarri]

The best people to hang around are the ones who want whats best for you Islamically the righteous sisters and they will help you build your iman and help you steer clear of haraam things. You should first work on building your love for Allah swt and his messenger then Insha'Allah this will increase you in iman and make you stronger

[qassy!]

buuut i can tell you that if someone wasnt interested on me, than i don't think i could be interested in them. id get 'put off' right away.

umm....its love....+ girls are very emotional they'll do anything just to be with someone if there in love or as someone calls it on this thread, as you can see the sister hurt herself many times....

sister i hope well for you.....it must be very stressfull....all the sisters will help you as me or im sure all the other brothers wont understand your situation, because i can get over somone quickly hmm it just dont bother me......

[F0z14]

Asalaam Alaykum, hope u are all well inshAllah. just thought id let u know im back at uni... and i saw him today, and i put myself in the situatuion myself so i could overcome it. i didnt even look up at him as soon as i saw him i jus put my head down. feels so weird, dnt knw how to describe it. i couldnt eat today, im not upset.. jus feel anxious, ashamed, nervous etc. every1 saw me today and they were suprised to see the hjiaab. and all my friends, dnt even pray, its so hard to be around them, and at the same time i cant give them dawah cuz i was just like them last year....

[Re.TiReD]

:wasalamex

Sis masha'Allah that you've gotten this far and that you are able to be so close to this person yet Allah has given you the tawfeeq to keep away.

Masha'Allah that you wear the hijaab :D

Sis it'll get easier, trust me :)

Take it easy, take it slow and Insha'Allah you'll be ok.

Start with the da'wah too, slowly but surely.

WassalamuAlaykum

[F0z14]

InshAllah sis. i know it will take time, and i know im in the right now its jus so hard. tempatation is always there. i knw all my friends are out there chilling out, playing pool or whatever and im praying Alhamdulilah. i jus wish i could get rid of the hurt u knw

[Danah]

my dear, whats if u were like them last year ?.....no one is perfect....everyone is making mistakes....they might be like u next year, thats the life. dont stick with the past too much. look forward to the future, it will be so bright in sha allah. dont keep thinking about what happened and let it scatter u.
Wearing hijab and begin at changing is the first step to the ultimate happiness in sha allah, and u still have many good thing to get in sha allah

you are in my daily duaa in sha allah

[roohani.doctor]

wow sister i'm so proud of you, you have been thru a lot and the journey is not yet over, all you have to remember is completely IGNORE the guy, once you start doing that, he will realise he was being a jerk (no offense), and by then you'll have moved on. As for your "friends", they might not make life any easier for you, but have faith in Allah and yourself. In time, your friends will see the new you and believe it or not, they will appreciate and respect you, because they know wut you have done is NOT easy...

I've read so many of your posts, i feel as if I know you, and i can totally relate to everything you said. *sigh* i remember feeling the way you were, depressed, all i could think of was how pointless this life was and all i wanted was an out, but now humdullillah everythings different. Some guys can be mean creatures and we CANT let them effect us so strongly...

the best part about your story is the fact that you are now a better Muslim, and you have a new understanding in Imaan, and faith in Allah. Not one person can break you, you have to find the will to let go of the past from within yourself.

temptation is our weakest point, you have to fight it, go to the prayer room and read quran, go to the library and study, or do something that will occupy your mind.

the pain will slowly fade with time... if you dont bleed, you'll never know wut it feels like and you'll never understand... pain makes us stronger... kind of anyway lol

*hugs* all the best :D

[roohani.doctor]

Also sis make lots and lots of dua, because dua is one of the two things that can change our destiny.

wuts the other? :?

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you F0z14;

You are doing so well, even if you still have doubts in your own strength and determination. It must take a great deal of courage to wear the hjiaab when those around you don’t.

i couldnt eat today, im not upset..

look on this as a time of fasting, not only can you give up this man, you can also fast at the same time. One part of fasting is about gaining an inner strength and peace with your self and with God.

Fasting can take on different forms, suppose you really like chocolate, you could try and give chocolate up too. This means not only do you have to fight your feelings for this man, you have to struggle with your desire for chocolate as well as wear the hjiaab.

at the same time i cant give them dawah cuz i was just like them last year....

Spreading your faith is a life time journey; it is more about your actions, and how Islam makes you a better and kinder person. Life is a journey always one day at a time, we just need to walk with our God one more day

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding.

Eric

[F0z14]

im feelin so down, jus woke up for sehri. i woke up with the same hurt feeling i was having 3 months ago, wallahi i dnt want 2 feel like this, i dnt knw why i am. tears keep running down my face. i dnt knw wat 2 do

[noorseeker]

sister, you will have bad days, all the hurt will come rushing back, you just have to deal with it in your own way, stay strong inshallah.

It can get lonely, being practising and that, i know, but you just find other ways of passing your time,



sister please go on you tube and see khalid yasin strangers, it will make you feel much better.

[Najm]

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Sister stay strong, dont feel alone, there is no such thing as loneliness, cause Allah(Subhaana Wa'Tala) is always with you. You should be sleeping a bit longer so no ill effects of tiredness. Make your iman stronger, set youself goals, hourly, daily. You can do this, have faith. Sister occupy urself with with activities.

1 Do nafl prayers
2 Read/listen to the Quran
3 Read articles
4 Watch/listen to lectures especially about Jannah
5 Erm read books
6 Do your uni work
7 Anything else you love to do in you spare time>> draw a picture?

May Allah(Subhaana Wa'Tala) grant you inner strength, patience and harmony. Ameen.(Say Ameen)

Sister your in my dua's

FiAmaaniAllah

[Eric H]

Blessings and peace be with you F0z14;

im feelin so down, jus woke up for sehri. i woke up with the same hurt feeling i was having 3 months ago, wallahi i dnt want 2 feel like this, i dnt knw why i am. tears keep running down my face. i dnt knw wat 2 do

Think positive thoughts tonight, and pray for the strength to survive tomorrow.:)

Life is a journey always one day at a time, you just need the strength to go through one more day, and repeat.

In the spirit of striving for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding

Eric

[F0z14]

thank you. i know u are right, one day at a time. but its like ur head says one thing and ur heart another. i hate being here, i wish i didnt even come 2 university now. i thought i was stronger but clearly im not over it, im still letting him affect me

[Eric H]

Blessings and peace be with you F0z14;

Despite all your perceived weaknesses, I believe you also have strength. I am only 59 and have found that life is a struggle always one day at a time, somehow we have to search for that strength that is already inside us. And we find it by striving to do all the good things Allah commands us to do.

Destiny Douglas C Hess
Watch Your Thoughts, For They Become Words,
Choose Your Words, For They Become Actions,
Understand Your Actions, For They Become Habits.
Study Your Habits, For They Become Your Character,
Develop Your Character, For It Becomes Your Destiny.

This quote is so powerful, you need to find a way to believe in it and trust you can make a difference. If you start of by thinking you will fail, then you will fail,

So all you have to do is start thinking you will overcome your feelings for this man, put those thoughts into words, which you do at times on this forum. Put your words into action by wearing the hjaab and living Islam, repeat these thoughts, words and actions daily and they become habits, which will form your character and destiny.

Life is a journey always trusting that our God holds us in the palm of his hand.

In the spirit of striving to find an inner peace that surpasses all understanding

Eric

[F0z14]

Salaam, ur right i need to think positively, i keep thinking that i cant do it and its jus too hard. i am wearing hijaab now alhamdulilah, i went to the prayer room at uni for a few hours it was great, its jus knowing iv got to go back to flat, its the evenings that are hard, because every1 is out in the common room chilling n i know they all are there. plus no1 is practicising where i live so it makes it even hard, every1 to busy just chilling out

[F0z14]

JazakAllah everybody 4 ur duas by the way! i dnt mean to be ungrateful

[Eric H]

Blessings and peace be with you F0z14;

Time spent on your own is the toughest, all kind of thoughts and doubts go through your head. You might have to struggle with these thoughts about the man for another two or three year. Perceived love and rejection are powerful emotions to overcome. These thoughts will be a distraction to your study and to your faith

You can find a beneficial love in the future, but it is so much better to try and end this one fully and totally in your own mind before you enter another relationship the Islamic way.

I struggled through something very similar thirty five years ago, I know you can also come out of this a better and kinder person.

Did you read post 73, you posted a couple of minutes after

In the spirit of praying for the strength to go through one more day.

Eric

[F0z14]

i just made a right fool out of myself! basically i owed this guy £50 still and ive been reading that on the day of Judgement u have 2 account 4 everything, so i went to give it him back, and i wanted give it myself as it was my duty. not only that i wanted 2 ask 4 his forgivness in this month of Ramazan because i think that was the main thing not allowing me 2 move on, and he told me 2 **** off, he didnt even give the time of the day. he said he dont want money, i said its my duty 2 give it back 2 u, if u dnt want it give it 2 charity. n then he literally pushed me out. i texted him sayin that u misinterpreted me comin, i only gave u money 4 the sake of Allah, and i only asked 4 forgivness 4 the sake of Allah, not because i need u. i want to please Allah, i could die tmro, i dnt wana die in debt or having wronged some1. he jus doesnt care. he pushed me. he doesnt even fear Allah SWT. i feel a fool 4 going and him prob thinks that i still want him but at the same time alhamdulilah i have done my duties, i paid my debt, i said sorry and i also gave him dua. now i can move on without dwelling on my actions, and leave him to Allah

have i done wrong?

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ i woulda used a middle man, but other then that past is past eh ;o

[F0z14]

im feelin so ****!!!!! i hate this, i dnt wanna be hear, ive got exactly the same feeling i had when he broke up with me. somebody plz plz help me

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ realise he sucks n u dont

simple

[F0z14]

have i done wrong? i only want to please Allah, on the day of Judgement we all have 2 answer 4 everything, i just wanted 2 do the right thing. im so upset

[------]

:salamext:

Sis go and listen to lecture or Qur'aan recitation inshaAllaah, you'll feel better. Or go and phone someone and let your feelings out

[F0z14]

sister come on msn plzzzz

[Thinker]

With the benefit of age I can tell you that your pain will pass and you can help make it pass more quickly just by believing that it WILL pass and on a future date you WILL look back and see that although at the time it was hugely important, in fact it was just a part of life’s ups and downs.

On a practical level (not sure how it fits alongside Islam but) yoga, meditation and acupuncture could help with anxiety.

Believe me, the pain WILL pass.

[julie sarri]

you have done what you needed to do you have asked him to forgive you and you paid back the money but i feel the only thing now to do is to stay away from him you have to tell your self passed is passed now its a new start for me and start as you mean to go on and insha'Allah Allah swt will ease your hardship

[Eric H]

Blessings and peace be with you F0z14;

im feelin so ****!!!!! i hate this, i dnt wanna be hear, ive got exactly the same feeling i had when he broke up with me. somebody plz plz help me

These feelings are not going to go easily, truthfully it is an inner struggle, a “jihad”

In spite of all these intense feelings, you need to get out and lead your life, study, pray. Forget the £50, you have offered to pay it back, give it to charity. Push yourself to go out, do not stalk him, do not find excuses to be in a place that he might be.

On the other hand do not be afraid to walk out to do your studies, your shopping, praying and all the other day to day stuff you need to do.

It is so easy to give advice, because we are not suffering as you are, only you can live the emotions that go through your mind.

You are in my prayers.

In the spirit of praying for the strength to go through one more day.

Eric

[Re.TiReD]

:salamext:

Sis you took advice b4 you gave the money and you made ur choice accordingly, whatever you did is done so no point fretting over it.

You did what you had to do and now u gotta continue to do wat u gotta do..and that is stay strong.

Blesh

[------]

:salamext:

Your strong and you know it. All in all, you got Allaah by your side x

[Danah]

okay so literally u have nothing to worry about now.....u use everything u can, u asked for forgiveness and try to return the money you owed to that guy...so now you have nothing to regret....I think its gonna be easier for u to move on. I think now u really had enough of him. I think by behaving that way you are fully satisfied from all views

and to be honest I did expect that he will act that way, but khair (may be that was for you good....who knows what allah is want at the end)
think carefully about this ayah:

but it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. but ALLAH knoweth, and ye know not.
[1.34]

u did what you had to. and its your turn now to think about yourself and start a good life from the scratch. he did not deserve your pure intent to return the money to him....he keep thinking about what he want to think..so at the end he did'nt deserve u to think about asking forgiveness from him even for a little tiny moment.


so its time to move on now.............throw everything behind your back

[F0z14]

AsalaamAlaykum my dear brothers and sisters on LI. hope u all are fine inshAllah. sorry i havent really been on much lately. jus thought id give u an update incase any of u are worried... lol.

havent been on much cuz i have moved apartments, me and my flatmate moved into a 2 bed apartment in private accomodation. alhamdulilah i feel so much better, im so glad i moved out, ive done the best thing ever. im doing alot better mashAllah, jus concentratin on my Deen and studies. met some really nice sisters aswel. so alhamdulilah im alot better.

i mean sometimes i still feel weak, when i hear of things i start to remember the past, and sometimes i feel realy left behind because i dnt see any of my friends from last year, but then i remind myself that im alot better off and i have something which they dont have, guidance from Allah.

i want to thank everybody for ur kind words and support. im sorry if ever i have been annoying or ever said anything i shouldnt. inshAllah i will make dua for each and every single one of you

JazakAllah

[Re.TiReD]

May Allah (swt) keep you happy and content sis! Ameen :)