Brothers only please

[AnonymousPoster]

This is something which i'd rather post as anonymous gender, i would rather it stay in this section of the forum, for reasons which are very personal to me.
i wana know... if a women was incapable of having children, would brother's still marry her? honest answers please. if you do not wish to post as yourself please tick anongender. but please, i ask for honest replies inshallah

[AnonymousPoster]

:salamext:

I'm a sister.

I've always thought about this though.

And this is what I think:

It depends when either of the two found this out.

If the bro knew that before marrying her then I think there'd be more of a chance of him rejecting her.

Since marriage is the only sacred bond that allows us to raise a family in the halal way

And IMO children are what make a family complete SubhanAllah

On the other hand, if they found out afterwards. I think Allah (swt) places so much love and Rahmah into the hearts of His slaves (for one another) that it is quite possible that they could still remain happy.

If not, the question of a second wife would prob come up.

[AnonymousPoster]

Yes.

Children do make a family whole, but that doesn't mean that a woman who is not capable of having children be shunned, and not have the chance to have a loving husband.

:w:

[جوري]

This is an unusual topic forgive me.. do you know for a fact it is the woman that can't have a child confirmed by testing? The first test done by way of infertility is a sperm count, as a very common cause of infertility in couples..

I do digress.. look at it this way, and I am not sure of your gender.. how would you feel if someone decided not to marry you for what they perceive as a fault?
being depressed or wheel chair bound, or got into an accident or lost a job? life is full of misery.

It isn't in our hands, life, death, birth... Allah giveth and Allah taketh away.. a marriage is composed of many things.. friendship and companionship I hope is on top of that list?..
Sometimes folks have mentally challenged kids
sometimes folks have kids who die, just browse this forum you'll learn of it
some folks have evil kids
some people can't afford their kids
some people can't have them..
secret is to be grateful and content with whatever life hands you...

You can always sponsor children in Muslim or African countries who need support and guidance, but not being able to have kids, really shouldn't be on the itinerary on whether or not you decide to marry someone...

Allah knows best

:w:

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[SixTen]

It depends on the person, but definatly possible, especially if they like the sister alot. In the end, you could still adopt if you really want a child.

[Mikayeel]

:sl:

To me it shouldn't be a reason whatsoever. Being infertile as skye said isn't always the womens fault. My cousin was married for 2 years without being able to get a child, and going through alot of dua's, now alhamdulilah shes blessed with twins! :D

:w:

[IbnAbdulHakim]

i wana know... if a women was incapable of having children, would brother's still marry her? honest answers please. if you do not wish to post as yourself please tick anongender. but please, i ask for honest replies inshallah

if i am inclined towards her i most certainly wouldnt hesitate.

[AnonymousPoster]

I was going to make a poll on exactly the same thing, but I couldn't make it:rollseyes

[Güven]

This is an unusual topic forgive me.. do you know for a fact it is the woman that can't have a child confirmed by testing? The first test done by way of infertility is a sperm count, as a very common cause of infertility in couples..

I do digress.. look at it this way, and I am not sure of your gender.. how would you feel if someone decided not to marry you for what they perceive as a fault?
being depressed or wheel chair bound, or got into an accident or lost a job? life is full of misery.

It isn't in our hands, life, death, birth... Allah giveth and Allah taketh away.. a marriage is composed of many things.. friendship and companionship I hope is on top of that list?..
Sometimes folks have mentally challenged kids
sometimes folks have kids who die, just browse this forum you'll learn of it
some folks have evil kids
some people can't afford their kids
some people can't have them..
secret is to be grateful and content with whatever life hands you...

You can always sponsor children in Muslim or African countries who need support and guidance, but not being able to have kids, really shouldn't be on the itinerary on whether or not you decide to marry someone...

Allah knows best

:w:

I agree 100% With This ^ Nothing to say more :)

:w:

[AnonymousPoster]

I agree 100% With This ^ Nothing to say more :)

:w:

Adoption aswell,

anon23456789

[Fareedio]

Hey i was reading your message and thought about what you said....

In my opinion if i was in a situation over marrying a woman who cant have children, i would 100% marry that woman only if i feel that the woman is right for me, as if in same likes and dislikes, same hobbies etc

I look at it this....way people are not perfect and in my opinion it would be something specail to marry a woman who cant have kids.... besides this only means adapting children if the woman agree's on it, there are way too many orphans and would only alow ones who cant have children to adapt :).

But even though if she dont want to adapt, if the woman is right for me thats all i need to know!

[Snowflake]

I asked my brother this question.. his reply was.... "Depends on how much you loved the fem, but it's hard :-S only a few would consider."

The same Q could go for females too....

[Ummu Sufyaan]

This is something which i'd rather post as anonymous gender, i would rather it stay in this section of the forum, for reasons which are very personal to me.
i wana know... if a women was incapable of having children, would brother's still marry her? honest answers please. if you do not wish to post as yourself please tick anongender. but please, i ask for honest replies inshallah

i know this is only for the bros...but cant you marry a potential spouse (im assuming this is for you) even if you couldn't have kids... but then let him get married again:)

@ sis skye, nice reply :)

[AnonymousPoster]

This is an unusual topic forgive me.. do you know for a fact it is the woman that can't have a child confirmed by testing? The first test done by way of infertility is a sperm count, as a very common cause of infertility in couples..

I do digress.. look at it this way, and I am not sure of your gender.. how would you feel if someone decided not to marry you for what they perceive as a fault?
being depressed or wheel chair bound, or got into an accident or lost a job? life is full of misery.

It isn't in our hands, life, death, birth... Allah giveth and Allah taketh away.. a marriage is composed of many things.. friendship and companionship I hope is on top of that list?..
Sometimes folks have mentally challenged kids
sometimes folks have kids who die, just browse this forum you'll learn of it
some folks have evil kids
some people can't afford their kids
some people can't have them..
secret is to be grateful and content with whatever life hands you...

You can always sponsor children in Muslim or African countries who need support and guidance, but not being able to have kids, really shouldn't be on the itinerary on whether or not you decide to marry someone...

Allah knows best

:w:

With all due respect, as 'unsual' topic this is, as i said, its important. yes, i am not silly, i understand what your trying to say.
it is important as a matter of fact. as i am female and belieive you me, children are such an important thing in a males life. i have been told that i risk chance of ovary failure as i grow older, so that shows i'm quit young. and for someone my age to go through somthing like that, is rare. i dont want sympathy. i want honest answers from brothers as i fear for my health and for my future. but it is in Allah's hands. salaam aall

[AnonymousPoster]

does it not put brothers off that your wife may be incapable of having children? its hard to say, oh yeh thats fine, as long as i love her. but we all know that people that say are majority of the time just lying.

[AnonymousPoster]

also, in respect of adoption, does the child not become non-mahram when he/she grows up for the opposite gender parent, i think theres a difference of opinion on this, correct me if i am wrong

[youngsister]

Sis ^ if you dont breastfeed the child then yes the child becomes a non mahram ..I am at Uni so Isha Allah when i get home i be able to give you the evidence.

Sister just make dua and do not despair my brother wife cannot have children and he loves her and is content with that so not all brothers will run a mile there are many brothers who will stay and may Allah swt reward you for your patient, this life is a test and is too short.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

does it not put brothers off that your wife may be incapable of having children? its hard to say, oh yeh thats fine, as long as i love her. but we all know that people that say are majority of the time just lying.

what the,

you know even if you marry a woman who you think is "able" to have children your whole life may pass and you wont be able to have one.

Sure it might be a test but as a brother already mentioned before, there can be beauty within a wife who cant bare children, it could bring blessings wallahu a'lam

[------]

:salamext:

I personally think that any brother who divorces a woman or loves her less, just because she cannot produce kids is deranged and mashed in the head, and should get a life. Seriously.

['Abd-al Latif]

This is something which i'd rather post as anonymous gender, i would rather it stay in this section of the forum, for reasons which are very personal to me.
i wana know... if a women was incapable of having children, would brother's still marry her? honest answers please. if you do not wish to post as yourself please tick anongender. but please, i ask for honest replies inshallah

There was a woman who never had children but kept hope in Allah that she will one day give birth and when she was in her 40's, Allah blessed her with twins if I remember correctly (or was it triplets) because she kept her faith in Allah that one day she will give birth. And after that she many children of her own.

Personally, if I had a chance to marry a sister who can't conceive I might still marry her but as a second wife because I would like to have children at least with one wife. And I would marry her (i.e. the one who can't conceive) as a second wife even if she us unable to conceive because the Prophet would marry woman just to take care of them. And of course as a second wife this does not by any means mean that she is second best to anyone in my family, nor would I treat her any different, rather I would give my heart to her because the Prophet (saws) said "The best amongst you are those who are best to his wives".

[Brother_Mujahid]

I personally think that any brother who divorces a woman or loves her less, just because she cannot produce kids is deranged and mashed in the head, and should get a life.

Read the question... :rollseyes

If someone was infertile they should specify it before getting married. Rather than bringing it up later.

I would think that would to some extent be a betrayal.

[Tania]

Read the question... :rollseyes

If someone was infertile they should specify it before getting married. Rather than bringing it up later.

I would think that would to some extent be a betrayal.

But the law force you to go and make some medical examination before marriage-so its a must.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:

does it not put brothers off that your wife may be incapable of having children? its hard to say, oh yeh thats fine, as long as i love her. but we all know that people that say are majority of the time just lying.

if u asked for the qn, then you can atleast ive em the benefit of the doubt that they're tellin the truth. whd ya bother asking if ur not gonna beleive it. :)

:salamext:
I personally think that any brother who divorces a woman or loves her less, just because she cannot produce kids is deranged and mashed in the head, and should get a life. Seriously.

absolutely not!!! hes got every right to want kids!
EDIT: i mean the 'loving less' and divorce...thats going too far...
sry dont mean to sound like im havin a go...but that does come across as a little brutal :)

[Re.TiReD]

But the law force you to go and make some medical examination before marriage-so its a must.

Lol not really. I'm sure some can worm their way out of it. But anyway, even though that may be a given, its possible for something to come up later on. Wallahu A'lam.

[Tania]

Lol not really. I'm sure some can worm their way out of it. But anyway, even though that may be a given, its possible for something to

I thought too at that and with a little bribe you can escape from that examination :giggling: -i will never go to the doctors

[aamirsaab]

:sl:

...
i wana know... if a women was incapable of having children, would brother's still marry her? honest answers please. if you do not wish to post as yourself please tick anongender. but please, i ask for honest replies inshallah

If she is able to conceive: cool
If she isn't: no biggy.

If I can't ''do my thang'': ...Dang!

Seriously though; it is not a problem. I don't expect a child to pop out just cus I (hypothetically) get hitched. And, in reality, having kids is only part of the reason for marriage (for myself anyway) - the other part is to look after your spouse, which really needs to be established before you do any of that hanky panky and whatnot.

[Re.TiReD]

lol ^^

I guess what needs to be established first is what the dude really wants/thinks. Does he reeeeally want children? (I thought that one wudda been a given but maybe not huh? :blind:)

If he marries knowing that they cant have kiddies but would really like them, it might make for a stressful relationship and the dudette feeling as tho she cant make hubby happy. Wallahu A'lam.

[YusufNoor]

:sl:

Allah[swt] is the One who decides whether or not you are going to have any children! Allah is the only One Who can actually cure you of what ails you, thus whether or not you can or cannot have children is in Allah's[swt] hands.

look at these 2 Hadeeth:

Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers

Book 008, Number 3465:
'Abdullah b. Amr reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.

now granted that i can't read Arabic, BUT i don't see any "ifs, ands or buts" in there saying "unless a doctor(who is NOT Allah[swt])" makes an determination that the woman can't have children!

just think of all the duas to Allah[swt] that you will be able to make requesting children, you get reward for all of those! AND who says that Allah[swt] in unable to bestow a miracle on you (or anyone that it please Him to!)

btw, i'm in that situation and i married my wife because she gets up BEFORE Fajr to read one Juz of the Qur'an. the fact that she is disabled or might not be able to have children is all by the will of Allah[swt]; but i'd rather be married to her than a wife who wants to go shopping everyday after Dhur! (or instead of!)

May Allah[swt] guide and aid us all!

:w:

[Tania]

now granted that i can't read Arabic, BUT i don't see any "ifs, ands or buts" in there saying "unless a doctor(who is NOT Allah[swt])" makes an determination that the woman can't have children!

You have completly right. After me, this medical examinations induce the feeling you are a cow or rabbit brought (you will enter in a new house, few girls have the chance to live with their parents after wedding) for a breeding programme.

[S_87]

i think every situation is different. There are hadiths in which Muhammed :arabic5: recommended that men marry women who are 'fertile' like the following:

It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yasaar said: A man came to the Messenger of Allaah :arabic5: and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, I have found a woman who is from a good family and is beautiful, but she does not bear children; should I marry her?” He told him not to. Then he came to him a second time and said something similar and he told him not to marry her. Then he came to him a third time and said something similar and he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Marry the one who is loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers.”

Abu Dawud,nasai


anyway with regards to the question, i think its something that people think it is no biggy (and indeed to some people it isnt) but after 5-10 years of marriage they have a change of heart....its something that needs a lot of thinking, especially if the men are not going to get married again.
Alhumdulillah these days though, there are many different fertility treatments available...

[Far7an]

A wife also has the same right in Islam

If he does not give her her conjugal rights and thus keep her chaste because he is impotent (i.e. unable to have intercourse), or because he does not like her, or he prefers someone else, or he is unfair in the division of his time [i.e., among co-wives], then she has the right to ask for khula’ [female-instigated divorce].

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/1859/

Majority of us are laymen here, if not all! There is great wisdom behind the rulings in Islam. We have to refer to the scholars in matters such as this.

[S_87]

So if u cant (god forbid) have kids, u would be ok with him divorcing u and getting married to someone else ?

lol yeh like i believe that for even one second

dont get all "islamic" on me

:rollseyes

sis its one of those topics that are totally hypothetical because many people dont actually know how they will react in such a situation...However islam does address this and give guidelines regarding this issue.

[AnonymousPoster]

sis its one of those topics that are totally hypothetical because many people dont actually know how they will react in such a situation...However islam does address this and give guidelines regarding this issue.

Wer?

I'm not the threadstarter...but wer?

[barney]

Yup, I'd marry her if I loved her. Kids are not essential IMO. Theyre great, but not essential.

[Makky]

This is something which i'd rather post as anonymous gender, i would rather it stay in this section of the forum, for reasons which are very personal to me.
i wana know... if a women was incapable of having children, would brother's still marry her? honest answers please. if you do not wish to post as yourself please tick anongender. but please, i ask for honest replies inshallah

According to my opinion not me personally the answer is: Yes with conditions! if she is religious enough and in my average life standard slightly higher or slightly lower , but she must know that If I'm not married yet she will be the 1st wife and a second wife will come and if I'm already married then she would be the second.
I believe that most brothers think this way

[noorseeker]

Everyones forgeting the point that she cant have kids, wheter she gets a husband who will marry her , this still doesnt change the fact that she cant have kids,


dear sister if you are reading this, have you accepted the fact you cant have kids, i pray inshallah allah swt helps you. but im sure you must be hurting deep inside, seeing kids everwhere, parents taking their kids for granted.

Lets switch the questions guys. what if us guys had the problem, we couldnt have kids, i bet most of us would beg our wifes to stay with us.

if i had the problem, and my wife wanted kids badly, i think i would have to let her go,eventually, no point destroying two lifes, and may be i find a women who already has kids

['Abd-al Latif]

^ u know wot i aint even in the mood for sarcasm

honestly

if ur wife cnt hv a kid n u divorce her, u need to get a life

But that wasn't even the question, so stop going all long about it!
You know that

The Prophet (saws) advised the one who had nothing good to say to remain silent. Take heed of that advice.

1. The Prophet (saws) said: The most detestable lawful act in the Sight of Allah is divorce [Abu Dawood 5178, Ibn Majah 2018]

2. The Prophet (saws) said: Treat woman kindly, as they are (like) captives in your houses. [Ibn Majah 1851, Tirmidhi 3096]

3. The Prophet (saws) said: You should not marry woman for the sake of their beauty, for it might lead them to ruin (through arragonce and conceit), nor should you marry them for the sake of their wealth, for it might lead them to transgression. Rather, you should marry them for the sake of their religiousness. [Ibn Majah 1859]

4. Divorce becomes desirable if the wife suffers harm during her marital life, such as when there is dissension between her and her husband or when she dislikes him. In this case, maintaining the marriage causes harm to the wife, while the Prophet (saaws) said "One should not harm others nor should seek benefit for oneself by causing harm to others".

5. The communities prohibitng divorce always suffer many serious social problems such as the spread of suidice, crime, and the corruption of family life.


Unless one has an Shar'i exuse to dislike the view of their brother/sister, I would urge you to refrain from speaking in a manner which may lead to enmity and hatred between your Muslim brother or sister.

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

This is something which i'd rather post as anonymous gender, i would rather it stay in this section of the forum, for reasons which are very personal to me.
i wana know... if a women was incapable of having children, would brother's still marry her? honest answers please. if you do not wish to post as yourself please tick anongender. but please, i ask for honest replies inshallah

It's a hypothetical situation and there are many factors that would play in, so I don't know what I would do. But I can say in all honesty, if a sister cannot have children, I don't view her any less than a sister that can conceive and I would consider her as a potential spouse. In fact, I would probably view her with greater respect, because as I understand it, most sisters want children and if a sister cannot have it and is patient over it for the sake of Allaah, then that demands respect. After all, this is something that isn't in her hands so how can she be blamed for it or have any injustice done to her because of it? Besides, any soul that has been decreed to come into existence will.

Ps- I really think you should also ask this same question here.

[------]

^

[Mawaddah]

:sl:

Reading thru this thread I recalled the story of another sister...

She had been married to her husband for years, and they were without children. She was faced tremendous criticism from her in-laws, and from her mother in law especially. In fact the mother in law used to tell her son to just 'get rid of this useless woman'. Naturally she was under deep stress. Not only because of this type of treatment, but because like any other married woman, she wanted a child of her own. But alhamdulillah the husband was very supportive of her and always gave her comfort.

So one day after much pain and suffering at the hands of the inlaws, this sister and her husband went to take a fertility test, after which it was revealed that the husband was the problem, and not the wife at all.

Well! the tables had turned completely and now the mother in law was begging the sister to stay with her son, simply grovelling at her feet...

The Husband though, when he knew that the problem was with him, was willing to give his wife a divorce, but this sister Masha'allah she absolutely refused for her husband to do that and instead stayed with him, despite knowing that doing so, she'll never have children. A terribly hard decision to make I think..

[Al-Zaara]

Selam aleykum, everyone

I know and truly can understand why it is an great loss not to be able to concieve children of your own. I know I'd have a hard time with this, it makes you kind of feel incomplete, I myself sometimes fear what if I find out I can't have children in the future (astagfirullah!), because I love children, it would be so horrible for me, subhanAllah. I can really understand this.

But to have children is not only about giving birth to the child or making it together with someone. It is about love and seeing the child grow. You may not feel the exact same feelingd as for your "real child", but an adopted or foster child also grants you the parental love, slightly different than that of your biological child, but nonetheless does it become "yours" when you see it grow and learn and you become its parents. I know plenty of people who'll agree with me here and also, if you think you miss something big as you haven't given birth to him/her (the pain, for example), then think of the great pain you may have to deal with if the child grows to dislike you or doubt you when in the future... There are lots of trials you'll go through, some more or less different than that of an biological child, but this doesn't mean these different kinds of trials makes a child less of your own.

There are so, so, SO many orphans in the world. Those children, are our future. Often, some leave their biological children because they can't take care of it, too many kids and too little money/place/time/etc. But this isn't the child's fault. It is all of our obligation to help it, a little baby and child in this world, we are all its parents and teachers, we have to take care of them. Just think if it was you who was the orphan. Just to have someone there, biological or not, is what counts and matters in the end. Your blood-line might not continue, but who cares? Do you continue your blood-line for Allah's sake or is it the love/religious commitment/wisdom/ect that you want to continue for Allah's sake? Your teachings and love will continue, no matter if biological or not. Your care and compassion. Your wisdom, your time. Think about it.

[TrueStranger]

There are a lot of men out there who can't have kids as well. I wonder how many sisters will marry those brothers.

and imagine she can't even get a second husband....:blind:

[S_87]

Wer?

I'm not the threadstarter...but wer?

there are many hadiths and stories in which this issue has been mentioned and scholars have indicated that it is preferred though not necessary in a marriage.
And just like the man can take another wife is he cant have children with one, then so it is allowed for a woman to do such a thing. (after divorce obviously, not two together)

[AnonymousPoster]

i think every situation is different. There are hadiths in which Muhammed :arabic5: recommended that men marry women who are 'fertile' like the following:

It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yasaar said: A man came to the Messenger of Allaah :arabic5: and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, I have found a woman who is from a good family and is beautiful, but she does not bear children; should I marry her?” He told him not to. Then he came to him a second time and said something similar and he told him not to marry her. Then he came to him a third time and said something similar and he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Marry the one who is loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers.”

Abu Dawud,nasai


anyway with regards to the question, i think its something that people think it is no biggy (and indeed to some people it isnt) but after 5-10 years of marriage they have a change of heart....its something that needs a lot of thinking, especially if the men are not going to get married again.
Alhumdulillah these days though, there are many different fertility treatments available...

WHAT THE..

There must be some positive quotes on this, this quote will take more people away from Islam than bring closer, this quote has seriously upset me,

Can you get me the commentary on that:cry:

[qassy!]

well.......if i "loved" her, something then i would stay with her regardless but i haven't found love regardless so, i dont know....

[IbnAbdulHakim]

WHAT THE..

There must be some positive quotes on this, this quote will take more people away from Islam than bring closer, this quote has seriously upset me,

Can you get me the commentary on that:cry:

maybe that advice was just for that guy

remember the prophet sallallahi alaihi wasallaam had over 9 wives and he ONLY had children with khadija radhiallahu anha


the prophet sallallahi alaihi wasallaam gave different types of advice to different types of people after analysing their situation and capacity


i hope you feel better now

[S_87]

WHAT THE..

There must be some positive quotes on this, this quote will take more people away from Islam than bring closer, this quote has seriously upset me,

Can you get me the commentary on that:cry:

As i said above, marrying fertile/young women is recommended not obligatory.

In the end, even if both couples have no problems, it doesnt mean they will have no problems having children, each situation is different.

These comments should not take people away from Islam, and anyone who thinks like this imo, is just using it as an excuse. :X
no offense, but comments like that are dangerous

If you are asking about yourself sister, then i am sorry to hear of your problem, though remember, dua is the weapon of a believer and dont forget the dua of Zakariya alayhissalam

At that time Zakariya (Zachariya) invoked his Lord, saying: "O my Lord! Grant me from You, a good offspring. You are indeed the All-Hearer of invocation."
3:38


and indeed Allah gave Ibrahim alayhisalam the glad tidings of a son when he thought it was not possible due to his old age.

[Hamayun]

The answer is yes.

It is not the Sister's fault that she can't have children. She is no less a woman.

And if you adopt an orphan then there are HUGE rewards for you.

If it was me I would still marry her because of who she is.

[chacha_jalebi]

many times people have been in a situation like

the wife has complications and the dr's can only save either the baby or the mother, and most times the husband says the wife, so if you loved your wife, you wouldnt care about kids would you, marriage is meant to be a union of two souls :p if kids are meant to be their then they are, if not then they are not, and subhanallah so much treatments it can be sorted anyway lol so why we worryin!

threads gone on toooo long like a lost choo choo train

needs to be closed! come on moddies!!

[Ansariyah]

This is wat my bro said:

Imagine, If I reject a sister for being infertile and I really love her, and I marry one who is fertile, but due to Allahs decree she suddenly can't have kids enymore. All good is from Allah, you don't truly have anything unless Allah says BE n it IS. And children are from Allah not because it says "fertile" on ur madical file.

[anonymous]

i think this thread has served its purpose, so please can i request mods to close it. whilst it may not be worrying for some, it is for me. hmm. buh nevertheless thankyou for all your thoughts and opinions on this matter. salam