format_quote Originally Posted by
Abu Sayyad
:sl:
- Find a brother via halal methods. If you have a brother, ask him for help.
- Once you've found someone, check up on him and research him. (Note: Research doesn't mean go up to him and become his friend). Be subtle.
- If you feel that the research produced good results, go to your wali and have him contact the brother.
- Have meetings with the brother in presence of a mahram as many times as you want.
- If you believe after speaking to the brother, consulting your parents, and especially your wali, and everything else is sorted, pray istikharah and go for it.
this is obviously one of the best ways to go about things, but many that grew up in the west have dated someone or at least fell in love with someone, and it likely had nothing to do with parents. This method of finding a spouse is not easy if you have passed a certain, relatively young age.
If you are beyond the point where your parents are taking care of you, and the same of your potential spouse, then maybe you can seek out other methods. Go to Starbucks or some other public place and talk. If you are both being good, and things are going well, then you will notice that you feel silly because you are both looking around trying not to stare at one another.
Oh I believe the love is one of the most beautiful gifts we have in dunya, but you just have to be smart about it all. If you love the person BECAUSE you can't stop thinking about him and staring at him and oh he is so wonderful blah blah blah, then you really need to stop, and think about Allah. If you the public is your mahram, then you should be taking extra special care so that Allah knows you are doing the best that you can to obey him.
But if you cannot stop thinking about him and you cannot stop staring at him BECAUSE you are obeying Allah and taking care of your duties to Him before you get married, then, when you get married, Allah and His Messenger saws encourage you to let that love feeling consume you and you pour your love out onto your spouse. This is the blessed way of going about this love thing and it is one of the most wonderful things we have in this life!
All praise is due to Allah! And it is His gift that we get to love other human beings in dunya! But you have to keep that feeling within the context of the bigger picture. You have duties, and just wanting to be with someone or "falling in love" is no excuse to avoid those duties. Do the best you can, and Allah swt will accept your efforts and reward you, inshAllah.