Salaam all, this is my first thread

[true_muslimmah]

:sl: and Ramadhan Kareem to you all, May Allah SWT accept all your du'aas and reward you all in abundance in this life and the hereafter Ameen

Before i start i will introduce myself a little bit, so you will know a little about me :)

Well, i am a 20 year old practising muslimmah Alhamdulillah, i have always been a believer but i have done some very bad things in the past which i repent to Allah SWT so much that He will forgive me for it, and my past i shall keep between me and Allah SWT.

Well i have many problems to start off with, i don't really have anyone to turn around to as i am not close to my family siblings as their thinking about this life is nothing compared to mine and there is a lot of rivalry and jealous going on between us sisters which i mus tadmit is very sad :raging:

What is a better to place then this, i am always on this site but im more of a reader then a poster lol

Anyways, here it is, i want to get married, and i have had sabr for more then a year now but nothing seems to be happening. i know with the will of Allah SWT it will happen when it is meant to be, but it isnt that.

My mum and my sister's/in law are making it really hard for me. I know someone i want to marry, my parents know who it is but they have not payed any heed to what i want, i respect them in everyway as possible, but their sick mentality is really annoying now, when it comes to marriage they care more about culture then islam it self, Astagfirullah, May Allah SWT guide them all.

What shall i do, othere then that i have another 1001 problems,

:w:

[Cabdullahi]

salam sister and ramadan kareem

[Kas1m]

salam sister. looks like you really have 1001 problems. why dont you start with your 1st and step by step hopefully...

[true_muslimmah]

salam sister and ramadan kareem

Jzk Bro

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[true_muslimmah]

salam sister. looks like you really have 1001 problems. why dont you start with your 1st and step by step hopefully...

lol, ye its true bro

Well i forgot to meantion i am a severly deaf muslimmah, i can talk well alhamdulillah but just my hearing totally dead,

I dunno where to start, this marriage thing is my biggest concern, you know i always thought your family are meant to be your family, but i feel no love from them at all, then i have a big sister who says i am lying about my deafness for attention, subhanAllah, why would i do such a thing?

[Kas1m]

lol, ye its true bro

Well i forgot to meantion i am a severly deaf muslimmah, i can talk well alhamdulillah but just my hearing totally dead,

I dunno where to start, this marriage thing is my biggest concern, you know i always thought your family are meant to be your family, but i feel no love from them at all, then i have a big sister who says i am lying about my deafness for attention, subhanAllah, why would i do such a thing?

unfortunately this happens more in asian society. they think your perfect and they want you to be perfect. anything wrong they dont wanna admit it. im with you on that sister. but posts and forums are readable. no hearing involved :statisfie

[Ansariyah]

Salam sis, Welcome.

Sorry bout ur troubles:(. I pray that Allah grants u happiness amiin. You can always tell us ur problems InshaAllah.:sunny:

Allah will protect u from them inshaAllah.

[Cabdullahi]

lol, ye its true bro

Well i forgot to meantion i am a severly deaf muslimmah, i can talk well alhamdulillah but just my hearing totally dead,

I dunno where to start, this marriage thing is my biggest concern, you know i always thought your family are meant to be your family, but i feel no love from them at all, then i have a big sister who says i am lying about my deafness for attention, subhanAllah, why would i do such a thing?

stay strong sister and inshallah you will cope

[true_muslimmah]

Jzk for you kind words bro and sis, it feel's so nice to be appreciated,

Maybe this is all my fault , maybe because of my sins i had commited in the past, i am having to go through all this,

042: 030
Any misfortune that happnes to you is a consequence of what your hand have earned. And He overlooks much...

also
282
Allah does not place a burden upon a person which he is capable,

[true_muslimmah]

unfortunately this happens more in asian society. they think your perfect and they want you to be perfect. anything wrong they dont wanna admit it. im with you on that sister. but posts and forums are readable. no hearing involved :statisfie

True, i am trying my best to change my mum's thinking, i have been doing for a long time. My other siblings dont seem to bother with it, but i am just fed up.

Why cant they follow the laws of Allah SWT and for once put culture aside as their will be more reward for them?

[true_muslimmah]

I feel sooooo sad and lonely, and i just feel like crying my eyes out, I know Allah SWT is with me and He always will be but i need some1 in a human form u get me...??

The only person i have is my cousin but she lives miles away and i am not even allowed to see her either :cry:

This is another problem i have. The problem isnt me but my sister/in law and mum's problem. I dont know why my mum has sudden hatred for her own neice, i mean my mum always let me used2 go down and stay at her house, my mum was always praising our r'ship but since all this marriage stuff that kicked off, it's all gone wrong.

Why are Paki families like this? Im proud to be a Muslim but hate being a Pakistani, they are the worst i must admit :-[

[Cabdullahi]

I feel sooooo sad and lonely, and i just feel like crying my eyes out, I know Allah SWT is with me and He always will be but i need some1 in a human form u get me...??

The only person i have is my cousin but she lives miles away and i am not even allowed to see her either :cry:

This is another problem i have. The problem isnt me but my sister/in law and mum's problem. I dont know why my mum has sudden hatred for her own neice, i mean my mum always let me used2 go down and stay at her house, my mum was always praising our r'ship but since all this marriage stuff that kicked off, it's all gone wrong.

Why are Paki families like this? Im proud to be a Muslim but hate being a Pakistani, they are the worst i must admit :-[

sister allah is with you and he has provided you with us for advice

[true_muslimmah]

sister allah is with you and he has provided you with us for advice

give me as much advice as possible, sometimes i really need some one to show me right the way, in accordance with Islam of course, and i ponder over it and think hard and then put it into action to see the outcome, but i dont have anyone like that,

I hardly have any freinds anymore, and the ones i do have are not practising muslimmahs themselves :(

I turn to Allah like 1000times i day, i cry, i talk2 Him constantly and then i feel better for abit, but then again as soon as something else happens im back to step 1

[noorseeker]

assalamalikm sister, im sorry to hear about your situation, and i hope it gets better for, i cant imagine how hard it is for you, everyone against you all the time , when we can see clearly you are in the right, you just wanna be a good person,

I guess you have to be patient, like the rest of us, theres a lot of us wanting to get marrried sister, and have been waiting years for it,

I think personally when people start practising , the need to get married increases,
because you dont want to fall in sin, you want to lower your gaze and be chaste.
Most of all its nice to have some help in maintaining your deen

You just be trying to be a good person ok, keep trying

[transition?]

:sl:

Perhaps you think you have waited long enough. Sister, our reward is in the Hereafter. This world may not work out for the better. We wait and wait, nothing changes. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, only realistic. It's really important to prepare your faith for the winds of calamity. For this world is a test! Anything can happen. When you say the Shahadah, are you ready? While Islam emphasizes the balance of the matters of the dunya and the Hereafter, there are tests which confirm if you are ready to give up this dunya for Islam. But sister, how long have you waited really? Prophet Nuh preached Islam to the men and women of his region for hundreds of years! And do you know how followers he had? Only a few while all the rest perished in the flood. Hundreds of years!?!?! Can you imagine that? That is true patience. In this world, parents start beating their children and lose their temper when their child does not eat their vegetables after five minutes.

My family is the same. We have the modern conservative view of marriage and life. My parents believe that if you want a career you have practically wait until your late 20s, 27, 28 to start searching. :skeleton: Sometimes, I wonder if they've forgotten how pushing the western world is of haram relationships. It's very hard to deal with all this lust/attraction nonsense and not fall trap to it. For Muslims, marriage is the best halal solution. If it helps us, many of us have odd families that either push for marriage for unIslamic reasons or never talk about marriage, expecting to you to live in box or as a target, while the Western world tempts you.

Pray sister, say du'as. Don't be too sad <3. Be grateful for what you already have. They are people who die with husbands and Islam! Astagfiruallah. =) .
InshaAllah, you may find a suitable husband, while keeping to the straight path.

Oh, it is difficult to be a practicing Muslim and living among others. So many of us feel lonely. But Remebrance of Allah (swt) keeps the hearts calm and remember He is the Best Helper, rather than sketchy or not so good friends =). Prophets before you have called people to Islam and practiced but on the Day of Judgement, they will be standing there with one or a few followers. Imagine their life, having no one but Allah (swt). But what is worldly life to the Hereafter! nothing! They are in Heaven and they had to suffer that little much so they could enjoy for so long in Heaven =).

:w:

[true_muslimmah]

:sl:

Perhaps you think you have waited long enough. Sister, our reward is in the Hereafter. This world may not work out for the better. We wait and wait, nothing changes. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, only realistic. It's really important to prepare your faith for the winds of calamity. For this world is a test! Anything can happen. When you say the Shahadah, are you ready? While Islam emphasizes the balance of the matters of the dunya and the Hereafter, there are tests which confirm if you are ready to give up this dunya for Islam. But sister, how long have you waited really? Prophet Nuh preached Islam to the men and women of his region for hundreds of years! And do you know how followers he had? Only a few while all the rest perished in the flood. Hundreds of years!?!?! Can you imagine that? That is true patience. In this world, parents start beating their children and lose their temper when their child does not eat their vegetables after five minutes.

My family is the same. We have the modern conservative view of marriage and life. My parents believe that if you want a career you have practically wait until your late 20s, 27, 28 to start searching. :skeleton: Sometimes, I wonder if they've forgotten how pushing the western world is of haram relationships. It's very hard to deal with all this lust/attraction nonsense and not fall trap to it. For Muslims, marriage is the best halal solution. If it helps us, many of us have odd families that either push for marriage for unIslamic reasons or never talk about marriage, expecting to you to live in box or as a target, while the Western world tempts you.

Pray sister, say du'as. Don't be too sad <3. Be grateful for what you already have. They are people who die with husbands and Islam! Astagfiruallah. =) .
InshaAllah, you may find a suitable husband, while keeping to the straight path.

Oh, it is difficult to be a practicing Muslim and living among others. So many of us feel lonely. But Remebrance of Allah (swt) keeps the hearts calm and remember He is the Best Helper, rather than sketchy or not so good friends =). Prophets before you have called people to Islam and practiced but on the Day of Judgement, they will be standing there with one or a few followers. Imagine their life, having no one but Allah (swt). But what is worldly life to the Hereafter! nothing! They are in Heaven and they had to suffer that little much so they could enjoy for so long in Heaven =).

:w:

Jzk bro, that was really helpful, though my knowledge of Islam is nothing compared to the level of yours but i am always willing to learn new stuff, my parents did not allow me to go university either where i wanted to study islamic studies, at least something that will keep me busy and as long as i am leraning about the deen, that would have been very beneficial.

Rabi Zidni Ilma, i can only do so much du'aa that my parents will stop following culture for once, and as u have mentioned i have been waitng over 1year now, i have found who i want to marry, only my mum and sister/in law has made my mum go against me. I wasnt the sort of person who was desperate to get married but the situation is such that i can only think off getting married and moving out, live life afresh, complete half my deen.

My mum does not understand the hikmah behind marriage, its like this for her, its her honour at stake, what honour? She goes marry inside fam, her bro/sis will be happy and you will live happy with someone who is related to you, there will not be many problems, just for strengthning the families ties, i rejected 2 proposals both from my mum's sister who live back home and both are now married to someone else, and now she is emotinally blackmailing me that oh her sisters are not talking to her but i see her talking over the phone to them :enough!:

I am willing to suffer any hardship bro, i do du'aa that may Allah SWT give me the strength to go through whatever come my way and so far i have stood steadfast in my decision. I dont want be amongst those in the HellFire, Allahuma Ajirni Minanar.

[_ALI_]

Salam
It gets pretty messy when culture clashes with religion. I would advise you not to reject culture with your own statements, instead you should reject culture by quoting Quran and Hadith. Here, you can quote Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 67:
Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, "A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission." The people asked, "O Allah's Apostle! How can we know her permission?" He said, "Her silence (indicates her permission)."

[true_muslimmah]

Salam
It gets pretty messy when culture clashes with religion. I would advise you not to reject culture with your own statements, instead you should reject culture by quoting Quran and Hadith. Here, you can quote Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 67:
Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, "A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission." The people asked, "O Allah's Apostle! How can we know her permission?" He said, "Her silence (indicates her permission)."

:sl:

Like i said my knowledge of Islam is not very strong, so please forgive my ignorance if i show any in my posts.

[true_muslimmah]

ALI

Do you mean using my own statements when i am debating with my mum over all this marriage stuff?

Hell NO, i use Qur'anic references and hadiths, that i do know off :D i have actually researched this topic in depth but in others I lack :cry: but STILL my mum always backs it up with a CULTURAL excuses

Wrong right?

[Kas1m]

ALI

Do you mean using my own statements when i am debating with my mum over all this marriage stuff?

Hell NO, i use Qur'anic references and hadiths, that i do know off :D i have actually researched this topic in depth but in others I lack :cry: but STILL my mum always backs it up with a CULTURAL excuses

Wrong right?

Your so in my situation. I debate with my mum too in the same way but people know in my family that i always win debating. You just gotta learn one or two things lol

[true_muslimmah]

Your so in my situation. I debate with my mum too in the same way but people know in my family that i always win debating. You just gotta learn one or two things lol

lol, innit, even though my mum knows i am right she still comes up with these ridiculous excuses subhanAllah

May Allah guide them Ameen

[Kas1m]

Ameen. You should listen to more lectures and read salah in front of them or do things like that. Its just the old culture thing which is in their minds. Inshallah the coming generation will be good as there culture differences are disappearing.
My brother married to a gujjar girl while we are from some other culture race. Now this caused the biggest cultural explosion lol

[roohani.doctor]

haha kasim i can imagine, dunno why some families would rather stick to their culture more then they do to islam....with many its just keeping up an image so they look dont bad and people dont talk...anyhoo
muslimmah just pray to Allah (SWT) and Inshallah things will work out slowly. 1 year may seem very long to you, but in reality its a very small part of life.

[transition?]

Jzk bro, that was really helpful, though my knowledge of Islam is nothing compared to the level of yours but i am always willing to learn new stuff, my parents did not allow me to go university either where i wanted to study islamic studies, at least something that will keep me busy and as long as i am leraning about the deen, that would have been very beneficial.

Rabi Zidni Ilma, i can only do so much du'aa that my parents will stop following culture for once, and as u have mentioned i have been waitng over 1year now, i have found who i want to marry, only my mum and sister/in law has made my mum go against me. I wasnt the sort of person who was desperate to get married but the situation is such that i can only think off getting married and moving out, live life afresh, complete half my deen.

My mum does not understand the hikmah behind marriage, its like this for her, its her honour at stake, what honour? She goes marry inside fam, her bro/sis will be happy and you will live happy with someone who is related to you, there will not be many problems, just for strengthning the families ties, i rejected 2 proposals both from my mum's sister who live back home and both are now married to someone else, and now she is emotinally blackmailing me that oh her sisters are not talking to her but i see her talking over the phone to them :enough!:

I am willing to suffer any hardship bro, i do du'aa that may Allah SWT give me the strength to go through whatever come my way and so far i have stood steadfast in my decision. I dont want be amongst those in the HellFire, Allahuma Ajirni Minanar.

:sl:
Aww Im a sister lol =)

:hug: I'm sorry for your predicament. People are just like that, even if they are your parents. Pray for your mom, and hope that she sees the light in this mess

aww, I don't have that much knowledge, sister. I, too, wish that I could study Islamic studies but there is so much confusion in the West, they almost never teach Islam properly. In fact, I've learned so much from downloading the e-books from this site! Sister, you should really take a look at that thread with the PDF files for many books!

:w:
May Allah (Swt) Guide Us

[true_muslimmah]

Sorry for not being on as my laptop at home does not work and the only time i have to reply to these replies are when i am at training.

There is alot more then the eye meets here, i have found out so much more, and i am left confused akhi/ukhti :cry:

I know that Allah is with me, my entire faith is in Him and He is enough for me, i know He is watching over me and Insha'Allah all in good time i know He will give me what is best for me, but sabr is so hard to keep these days.

Bro Kasim, I pray my salah with my mum 5x a day, on days that i cant i make up for it.

Sorry transition, i just assumed you were a bro for some reason :-[

[SubhanAllah!]

True, i am trying my best to change my mum's thinking, i have been doing for a long time. My other siblings dont seem to bother with it, but i am just fed up.

Why cant they follow the laws of Allah SWT and for once put culture aside as their will be more reward for them?

as salaam alaykum wa rehmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Culture doesn't entirely have to be put aside. As long as it does not violate the deen it is fine. As someone already mentioned, this occurs a lot in the Asian(South Asian more likely) community. I would know because my brother just got married but he had to face hell to achieve that.

I think the problem resides with lack of deen in the household. If someone read the words of Allah and understood them, then they would feel guilty for siding with anyone/thing/idea against Allah. You cannot have an immediate change even though we would like that. Maybe you should make a plan to slowly introduce deen in the house to fight the cultural nonsense that divides communities. Maybe find support among your cousins or aunts before you try to engage your mother.

And also keep making dua, istikhaara, and establishing your salah and inshaAllah help will come.

I pray that you find the solution to your problems and find a partner who loves Allah.

Last thing. My brother married a pakistani woman and her family is one of the best I have ever seen (amazing food hah). I know you are frustrated, but trust me this occurs everywhere. Don't single out any community. This is injustice.

wa alaykum as salaam.

[true_muslimmah]

as salaam alaykum wa rehmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Culture doesn't entirely have to be put aside. As long as it does not violate the deen it is fine. As someone already mentioned, this occurs a lot in the Asian(South Asian more likely) community. I would know because my brother just got married but he had to face hell to achieve that.

I think the problem resides with lack of deen in the household. If someone read the words of Allah and understood them, then they would feel guilty for siding with anyone/thing/idea against Allah. You cannot have an immediate change even though we would like that. Maybe you should make a plan to slowly introduce deen in the house to fight the cultural nonsense that divides communities. Maybe find support among your cousins or aunts before you try to engage your mother.

And also keep making dua, istikhaara, and establishing your salah and inshaAllah help will come.

I pray that you find the solution to your problems and find a partner who loves Allah.

Last thing. My brother married a pakistani woman and her family is one of the best I have ever seen (amazing food hah). I know you are frustrated, but trust me this occurs everywhere. Don't single out any community. This is injustice.

wa alaykum as salaam.

:sl:

I never said anything about culture doesn't entirely have to be put aside, that's true it doesn't, as long as it doesn't go against the laws set my Allah SWT right? I think you missed my point!

Like i think i mentioned in my other replies, my parents are Alhamdulillah practising muslims, they pray 5x and all that, but only when it comes to marriage, its like they dont know the first thing about it.

I am out of all my siblings the only practising one, I observe the hijab and jilbab, i love the Deen, everyone else are just doing as they please. Not giving a thought of where their life is going to end up. SubhanAllah.

I do du'aa that Allah guides them all and saves them from the Hellfire.

The only people i have on my side is my uncle's (mum's bro) family. They were just like my parents, but over the years they have noticed and changed their way of thinking. If they can do it, surely my parents can right?

[true_muslimmah]

Agreed that not all communities are like this, there are so many pakistani's just like you have mentioned who are nice, and some are very horrible and harsh. I know because i have seen it all with my own eyes. I have seen the pain and grief caused both my parents and their children when it comes to marriage?

If parents understood what marriage in Islam meant and EDUCATED us on the halal way of finding a spouse then maybe today it wouldnt have turned for the worst.

(i was never educated about anything, i educated myself, but it is the parents right to do so, they make it out as if it is shameful and disrespectful for us to talk about marriage to them)