Marriage to Christian

[brotherbee]

Salaam,

Brothers & Sisters, i need help - i don't know if this is going to make sense but I will try my best

In a nut shell: I have known this girl for the last 2 years now and we have clicked in every which way possible; I would marry her in a heartbeat but only problem is she is an Orthandox Christian.

She is pious, has morals and etiquette which i have not met in any other girl of my own culture and shares a lot of the same beliefs.
Without stereotyping, a lot of girls from Asian culture from my City are the ones to avoid the most.

She is European and I am Asian.

There is no other man in the house and I accept I have all responsibilty over the women in my family. The woman I marry must ultimately care for and look after my mother. I admit I am fairly modern but also quite traditional in certain things.

Now obviously, she being non Muslim or Asian, she has a different culture and I am sure you all know this is a major factor for all families.
As for us Muslims, changing religion is something we would never consider, also for her as an Orthadox.

Do I let her go for families sake and ultimately sacrifice my own happiness? This is the more 'hassle-free' option after all when it comes to family because of culture and traditions etc etc. and lets not even go into being the talk of the community, but a hard sacrifice for me.

Or do I somehow talk to my family about her? After all Muslim males can marry women of Chrisitian faith?
Also, what are the technicalilties of this sort of marriage to comply with Shaariah?


All comments appreciated


A Brother in need

[doorster]

Why A Christian Lady Should NOT Marry a Muslim

[papa_smurf]

:sl:
You can marry a christian or a jew women (no other faiths), as long as you make sure you have a very strong foundation on islam, which will not jeorpodise your islamic values.

and insha'Allah give her dawah on islam and with Allah's grace, she may embrace Islam.:)
:sl:

[BlackMamba]

It is allowed in Islam (beginning of surah Maidah) but there are tons of problems that come out of doing this so beware. Think of the kids, especially if you are residing in a non-Muslim country. I know a few families like that and the kids seem very confused and become kafir. And there are so many more things that the wife will not understand. Lol everything from the lota in your bathroom to the food you eat to the fajr prayer you pray at the crack of dawn. I would never be able to marry someone that isn't Muslim
In no way am I trying to offend you, I'm just telling you what I think

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[H@fiz Aziz]

i mean you can marry a girl of any religion of course and try to give her dah'wah, but the major question is What if it Fails? What do I DO then?

Also there are many complicated things about this to because what if kids were involve in this environment what religion would they choose. Of course you want them to be Muslim but might your wife want them to be Christians? Its a very complicated thing and you must think in your head the pros and cons then choose for yourself.

[islamirama]

Marriage to the people of the book is allowed but it's not that easy and clear as it seems. There are conditions and stipulations. If there are Muslim sisters in the community (regardless of race) that are unwed and waiting then they get preference, and if there are less brothers in the community then the sisters then it's not allowed to marry the people of the book as the sisters have more right to those brothers.

If the sisters don't have shortage of brothers and are not being left as unwed, and the lady of the people of the book is good chaste woman then its allowed. But before one does take this step, there must be a clear dialogue between the two so she understands what she is getting into. The children will be raised as Muslims only, they will not practice her religion nor her holidays. All the proper conditions should be stipulated in the nikaah contract so even if divorce occurs, the kids will belong to the father. Being Orthodox, it may not be easy for her to accept all this. Its better to have everything in the open first so she doesn't go into unaware of what she is getting into. Lastly, i would ask brothers who have done this already to see how their experience was and advice from islamic brothers about contract and conditions to put in there.

[dilkadr]

:sl:

As far as I understand it is permissible if and only if there is no Muslim women available... only mutual love is not enough... you can find supporting Aayat in Quran-e-Majeed.

:w:

And Allah Knows Best

Here it is

2:221 Do not marry unbelieving women (idolaters), until they believe: A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise.

[dilkadr]

:sl:

Also, marrying to/with "People of Book" Ehal-e-Kitab [Practicing Jews and Practicing Christians] is permited in a separate Aayat.

I will try to find and post it too...

:w:

And Allah Know Best

[dilkadr]

:sl:
You can marry a christian or a jew women (no other faiths), as long as you make sure you have a very strong foundation on islam, which will not jeorpodise your islamic values.

and insha'Allah give her dawah on islam and with Allah's grace, she may embrace Islam.:)
:sl:

It is permitted to Muslims in Holy Book of Quran... Can you quote the Aayat number and Suara name/number

[dilkadr]

marriage were used as a source of propagation in Islamic History..

[dilkadr]

5:5 This day are (all) things good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful unto you and yours is lawful unto them. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book, revealed before your time,- when ye give them their due dowers, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor secret intrigues if any one rejects faith, fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).

[Hasan Ali]

i mean if you even married what religion would be the kids?

[Amatullah_]

Dont just think of yourself bro...think of your children to come...think!

Wouldnt you want them to have a mother who can teach them to say Allah? The kalimah?..Teach them the Qur'an, teach them Islam?? A mother who can instill Islamic values in them? A mother who can teach them halal and haram? A mother who worries for their aakhirah? The first maddressa is the mother's lap. Whatever she teaches them from young will stick to them as they grow up. Besides, what if they choose to follow on their mother's path?

I think you need to take these things serious.

You can ALWAYS find a Good Muslim girl with the same good qualities this girl has.

[doorster]

Dont just think of yourself bro...think of your children to come...think!

Wouldnt you want them to have a mother who can teach them to say Allah? The kalimah?..Teach them the Qur'an, teach them Islam?? A mother who can instill Islamic values in them? A mother who can teach them halal and haram? A mother who worries for their aakhirah? The first maddressa is the mother's lap. Whatever she teaches them from young will stick to them as they grow up. Besides, what if they choose to follow on their mother's path?

I think you need to take these things serious.

You can ALWAYS find a Good Muslim girl with the same good qualities this girl has.

:thumbs_up

:w:

[coddles76]

Salaam,

Brothers & Sisters, i need help - i don't know if this is going to make sense but I will try my best

In a nut shell: I have known this girl for the last 2 years now and we have clicked in every which way possible; I would marry her in a heartbeat but only problem is she is an Orthandox Christian.

She is pious, has morals and etiquette which i have not met in any other girl of my own culture and shares a lot of the same beliefs.
Without stereotyping, a lot of girls from Asian culture from my City are the ones to avoid the most.

She is European and I am Asian.

There is no other man in the house and I accept I have all responsibilty over the women in my family. The woman I marry must ultimately care for and look after my mother. I admit I am fairly modern but also quite traditional in certain things.

Now obviously, she being non Muslim or Asian, she has a different culture and I am sure you all know this is a major factor for all families.
As for us Muslims, changing religion is something we would never consider, also for her as an Orthadox.

Do I let her go for families sake and ultimately sacrifice my own happiness? This is the more 'hassle-free' option after all when it comes to family because of culture and traditions etc etc. and lets not even go into being the talk of the community, but a hard sacrifice for me.

Or do I somehow talk to my family about her? After all Muslim males can marry women of Chrisitian faith?
Also, what are the technicalilties of this sort of marriage to comply with Shaariah?


All comments appreciated


A Brother in need

Asalam Alykum brother,
Here is my advice brother. If you think this girl is suitable for marriage then direct her into the direction of some knowledgable women or direct her to the local Masjid so that she may learn about Islam ASAP. All open minded and intelligent humans (And with the mercy of Allah SWT) will find the truth of islam light up there heart like the glowing of a light bulb. Allow her to seek the truth and make a decision on whether she would like to accept islam whole heartedly (Not for your sake). In the time that she is seeking knowledge, guard your character and forbid sin. If she decides to take Islam as her way of life then marry her and then lead by example, teaching her the values of islam and what islam can bring to your marriage and future family. If she decides not to take islam as her way of life then turn away from her immediately and seek another women who can fulfill your desire for righteousness in the cause of Allah SWT. If Allah SWT decides to guide her you may find that she will be a very strong women in the deen of islam and most probably even stronger then a women who has the gift of being born into a Muslim family. I have witnessed this personally on many occasions and her being born into a orthodox family is only her test in life. If she finds her way to islam she should thank Allah SWT for his guidance and his mercy.
And Allah SWT knows best.

[Malaikah]

:sl:

I'd just like to point out that the conditions in the non-Muslim woman is that she must be chaste, never have had a boyfriend and not frivolous.

[doorster]

wa alaikum salaamand jazaakillah khair for reminder :thumbs_up

:sl:

I'd just like to point out that the conditions in the non-Muslim (from ahl-e-kitaab) woman is that she must be chaste, never have had a boyfriend and not frivolous.

but there are some former sinners who performed tauba and wowed never to repeat them again, then I believe those are permitted (for example reverts to Islam who may have had countless number of partners before seeing he light (of Islam)).

people always seem to forget the fact that a practitioner of fornication is NOT halal for a Muslim man.

:w:

[Hasan Ali]

think about the kids? religion?

[BlackMamba]

Look at Surah Noor
"Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honourable.(24:26)

I love this ayah it flows so well. And it has a good meaning as well.

[aminahjaan]

Brother Hasan is right, think about your kids...
My dad's close friend is married to a christian american lady.
The kids are in an identity crisis.
Sometimes they eat gelatin yet sometimes they refuse
Sometimes they pray and sometimes they neglect prayer ashamed of who they are. But they just don't know.
It causes problems, more problems than it looks like.
MashaAlalh the christian lady is so nice, and kind. But the kids are just SO lost.
And the husband is too, his views on Islam change like clothes
The wife is visibly confused.

It may seem like love at first sight, but think of the family relations (in-laws)
Think of all that before you marry this woman.

There are a lot of nice, cute, religious Muslim sisters out there.

It's not all about you two.

Hope this helps.

[Grace Seeker]

Your Muslim friends have told you that while it may be permissible to proceed, that you should do so with great caution. I think they are giving you wise advice, but would you like to know what I (a protestant Christian pastor) would say to the Orthodox Christian girl in this instance?

I would remind her of the very same difficulties that your friends have reminded you. Issues regarding raising children. Christians who take their faith seriously have a moral obligation to raise their children as Christians. You have the exact opposite obligation. You say that she will not convert; will she expect that in time you would convert? I know many Christian women who think that it doesn't matter before marriage what a man believes, because they can/will convert him afterward. They are often dissappointed, but they attempt it more often than you might think. And sadly, the failure of either to convert the other often ends up with both the man and the woman eventually giving only token lip service to their faith, and neither taking either seriously. The children then end up with no real faith, just a bunch of empty mixed up traditions that neither understand.

I don't mean to sound so negative, that it can't possibly work. It can. I have seen it happen a few times -- a very few times. It is for this reason that I would point the girl to a verse of Christian scripture, that if she is truly serious about her faith would probably make her as conflicted as you, but that I would want her to seriously understand the implciations of before proceeding: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers" (2 Corinthians 6:14).

You said:

Do I let her go for families sake and ultimately sacrifice my own happiness?

Might I suggest to you that it is in NOT letting go that you might both sacrifice your ultimate happiness. And believe me, I don't speak against this as one who is anti-Islam (or anything else). My own daughter lives in a city that sits part in Europe and part Asia and she is one of those Muslim girls from the Asian part you spoke about above. And though I would rather see her Christian, and though she is modern, and though she is also very independent in her thinking, still I believe that she has wisely decided that since she is a Muslim she will never marry anyone who is not Muslim.

[brotherbee]

I would just like to take a moment to thank everybody who responded -
I already knew in my heart what is for the best and just needed some advice from an objective point of view.
I know doing the best thing is not always easy but I pray Allah gives me the strength to do what is right

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

... I pray Allah gives me the strength to do what is right

Offer Isthekhara Salat pl.

May Allah help you to take the right decision , Ameen.

[Muslim Woman]

:sl:

i mean you can marry a girl of any religion of course

well , Muslim men are not allowed to marry a girl of any religion but only chaste Jewish & Christian women.

(Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time, when you have given their due Mahr (bridal money given by the given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girl-friends.

..( سورة المائدة , Al-Maeda, Chapter #5, Verse #5)

[Bittersteel]

my advice:don't go ahead.and please don't think of converting anyone because of marriage.It's best if you marry a Muslim though.But if you think you two can work it out then go ahead.

[touba]

:sl:

As far as I understand it is permissible if and only if there is no Muslim women available... only mutual love is not enough... you can find supporting Aayat in Quran-e-Majeed.

:w:

And Allah Knows Best

Here it is

2:221 Do not marry unbelieving women (idolaters), until they believe: A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise.

You understand wrong the surah : allah SWT mean that muslim women better than christian and even if you like christian women dont marry her until she become a muslim by doing shahada and practising . The Quraan is clear