I'm going Mean.....Thaaaats It!

[Ansariyah]

:sl:

I feel lost n hurt. So here I am, I wont even go anonymous, I don't care.

I have this girl in my Family who always yells and screams at me. She starts arguments with me and when I try to tell her to stop being mean, she'll tell me to shut it cause she's older then me.

I have really taken a whole lot of BS from this girl, lowered my head like I am some nobody just to let her finish. Never defended myself from her. Always let her do whatever. Today she really pushed me against the edge..and guess what? I showed her my bad side. I lost it and told her to get lost and some other lil mean things.

I hate that she pushed me to go that far. I feel like thats what she wanted to see. Many times she told me " how can this be real, ur always so sweet dont u ever have a bad day"?

I go, well if I have a bad day thats my problem isnt it, I will still be nice to those around me. She says thats not REAL. Why don't u ever lose it? How come ur always soo calm? Well today she really made me lose my calm. She never apologizes for the things she does.

She's so mean, she''ll tear people apart and then expect u to come to her and say sorry cause shes older.

I think the fact that I am so nice keeps getting me in trouble, maybe I should just become mean? Maybe that way nobody will take advantage of me.

Why will people only stop messing with u when u show them ur strength? Why? Or else they''ll gladly make u their slave. That thought is so sad, because I know I can stand up for myself, she didn't know I cud. What if I cudnt? Maybe she wud never have stopped.

[cute123]

u should respect urself as u respect others . this way u can go a long way.

[aminahjaan]

Dangg! Someone's a little jealous of you.
The fact you held it in for so long is surprising. You shouldn't feel bad, always stand up for yourself. Because people will want to take advantage of good people. Stand up for yourself, [with class], and learn that "I DON'T LIKE YOU" means "I wish I was you" I used to be soooooooooooooo nice. But then I knew how weird I looked, so I was like "Ay listen, don't let them take over you"

the end.

[coddles76]

Asalam Alykum Sister,

Never drop your standard to match others weaknesses. This will only harm your character and hurt your sight infront of Allah SWT. Always try to replace a bad thought with a good comment. Just because your nice at heart doesn't mean you can't stand up for yourself. You can stand up for yourself without degrading your character.

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[Cabdullahi]

Dont go out to her with all guns blazing NO!! dont do that it will add fuel to her fire,so just call her over and sit somewhere quiet and tell her how you feel and that 'you dont like how she shouts' , that you came to her politely because you respect her''....i think ur capable to handle the rest... sister yannie

[roohani.doctor]

aww dont let her walk over you, at the same time dont be extra mean like she is...i think u did a fair job there, standing up to yourself, you shoulda done that earlier eh

[Snowflake]

asalam alaikum sis Yanoorah,

I can identify with a lot you said but the problem with exploding is that nice people like you end up regretting their outbursts soon after... so in the end it doesnt really help, does it...

Instead of taking it calmly next time and allowing it to build up until you burst, just walk away. Remove yourself from the situation and dont give them the satisfaction of putting you down.

You sound like a lovely person sis.. dont let ppl like that change you.. you've been patient so far mashaAllah, stay that way fi sabilillah and every time she does it, thank her for giving you some of her rewards and walk away with a smile : )

[Ansariyah]

:sl: brothas n sistas thanks for taking ur time to read my ramblings..n jezekilah kyr 4 replying.

Dangg! Someone's a little jealous of you.
The fact you held it in for so long is surprising. You shouldn't feel bad, always stand up for yourself. Because people will want to take advantage of good people. Stand up for yourself, [with class], and learn that "I DON'T LIKE YOU" means "I wish I was you" I used to be soooooooooooooo nice. But then I knew how weird I looked, so I was like "Ay listen, don't let them take over you"

the end.

For the first time I realised that shes jealous:S
Sis she's been soo mean to me. Now I am getting ignored, every time I come across her she walks straight passed me. She's waiting for me to say something and break the ice. Well I am not going to this time. She has lots of arrogance n is expecting me to go to her n say sorry, I did nothing wrong I am not apologizing.:-[

u should respect urself as u respect others . this way u can go a long way.

Sadly that hasn't been the case this whole respecting those elder then u" I took it too literally n often forgot about myself, I will remember what u said next time inshaAllah. I dont get it why she keeps throwing the whole ur younger at me? Aren't the ones elder suppose to be kind to the young and show respect? I think respect is a 2 way street and shud be earned, I respect almost everyone n I think I wont anymore.

Asalam Alykum Sister,

Never drop your standard to match others weaknesses. This will only harm your character and hurt your sight infront of Allah SWT. Always try to replace a bad thought with a good comment. Just because your nice at heart doesn't mean you can't stand up for yourself. You can stand up for yourself without degrading your character.

Well alot of people in my life arent the greatest example for me. Everyone around me is big mouthed so I gave her the taste of her own medicine. I know that isnt benefiting my Islam in the long run, ive been pushed so much. I am only human, I lost my patience. I am not proud of it.

Dont go out to her with all guns blazing NO!! dont do that it will add fuel to her fire,so just call her over and sit somewhere quiet and tell her how you feel and that 'you dont like how she shouts' , that you came to her politely because you respect her''....i think ur capable to handle the rest... sister yannie

Why should I tell her I respect her when she never done anything to earn it?:(
Today she came to our home, our home can u believe it. I asked her where the remote is, in a nice way "I got ignored so I thought shes a guest in our home lemme jst try to see if she will apologize n start some light convo wit her""? I got eyes rolling n completely ignored. So I left her to it.

aww dont let her walk over you, at the same time dont be extra mean like she is...i think u did a fair job there, standing up to yourself, you shoulda done that earlier eh

I wont let her walk over me again InshaALlah.
After all she did to me, she still continues to act more mean.

asalam alaikum sis Yanoorah,

I can identify with a lot you said but the problem with exploding is that nice people like you end up regretting their outbursts soon after... so in the end it doesnt really help, does it...

Instead of taking it calmly next time and allowing it to build up until you burst, just walk away. Remove yourself from the situation and dont give them the satisfaction of putting you down.

You sound like a lovely person sis.. dont let ppl like that change you.. you've been patient so far mashaAllah, stay that way fi sabilillah and every time she does it, thank her for giving you some of her rewards and walk away with a smile : )

Ur right sis, I did feel sad afta I lost it the other day when I stood up for myself. I get mocked for smiling n being easy going. I dont usually lose it so easily, but she really worked soo hard on it..monthss. Why can't people just be happy n let everyone else be?

[Hasan Ali]

man if she keeps it up fight with her i mean it can continue for years if you dont do anything i mean if she keeps it up you gotta do something to defend yourself against her. if ignoring does not work choose somethin else

[bell]

stand up with firmness and fairness i say

[barney]

Probably my kuffarism means my advice is invalid, but here goes anyway.

You avoided arguement and tried to shrug off offence cause. Then you "lost it" by calling her a few names.

Western kuffar veiw, but "big deal" I say, you are equals so you give what you get. You perhaps have nothing to be sorry about, losing your rag by calling people a few names in the face of worse is fine in my personal opinion.

[Cabdullahi]

Probably my kuffarism means my advice is invalid, but here goes anyway.

You avoided arguement and tried to shrug off offence cause. Then you "lost it" by calling her a few names.

Western kuffar veiw, but "big deal" I say, you are equals so you give what you get. You perhaps have nothing to be sorry about, losing your rag by calling people a few names in the face of worse is fine in my personal opinion.

Thats suicidal,i hope the sister takes the peaceful and civilized approach

[Hasan Ali]

peaceful gonna get her killed if it didnt work the first time and the other times

[Ansariyah]

You wont believe this, I went up to her n ended up saying "asalamalaikum how ru"? She said walaikuma salam n well things are back to normal. I never got the apology I wanted.

I will leave it for Allahs sake, cause u know why?:D

Hadith Qudsi 20.

The gates of Paradise will be opened on Mondays and on Thursdays, and every servant [of Allah] who associates nothing with Allah will be forgiven, except for the man who has a grudge against his brother. [About them] it will be said: Delay these two until they are reconciled; delay these two until they are reconciled.

Its thursday today!

[S_87]

you dont have to be MEAN to get her to shut up, just stand up to yourself and tell her to shut.. well invent your own words and make sure she knows from now on youre not taking no crap, if she wants to be mean, fine but youre not going to stand up to it and apologise for not doing anything. For example, if shes mean then expects everything to be ok the next day let her know you havent forgotton what shes said and make her know youre still angry and give her a bit of silent treatment. (like say salam and that but dont look/talk to her and make her suck up to you)

hopefully she'll change her ways and realise the world doesnt revolve around her