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Karina
10-05-2008, 07:09 PM
Question: Can we ever be GENUINELY kind to others?
(That is, without ulterior motives....)

Please think about this question before you answer, it's not as clear-cut as you may first think.



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Hamayun
10-05-2008, 07:13 PM
Yes. Now where is the catch? :)
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Karina
10-05-2008, 07:30 PM
Originally Posted by Hamayun
Yes. Now where is the catch? :)
heh, no catch, I'm just asking people to think hard about why they ultimately do nice things.....

For example, when you do something you think is genuinely kind, are you disconnecting yourself completely from your own ultimate pleasure, or do you have a future goal in mind?

:?
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be sensible
10-05-2008, 07:36 PM
Originally Posted by Karina
heh, no catch, I'm just asking people to think hard about why they ultimately do nice things.....

For example, when you do something you think is genuinely kind, are you disconnecting yourself completely from your own ultimate pleasure, or do you have a future goal in mind?

:?
youn can do do something nice with out having alterior motives eg when you give charity no body knows how much you give or how often you give but you do it for a good cause to hel others.
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Karina
10-05-2008, 07:39 PM
Originally Posted by be sensible
youn can do do something nice with out having alterior motives eg when you give charity no body knows how much you give or how often you give but you do it for a good cause to hel others.
But what is your motive. Isn't there a teeny bit of you that does it to make yourself feel less guilty???
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be sensible
10-05-2008, 07:42 PM
no I dont have to give it im not obliged to give it regularly but i do it because I know they need it more than I need it.
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kwolney01
10-05-2008, 07:44 PM
I think it can go both ways. Of course when you give charity and help someone in need when there is nobody around then your genuinely trying to help them. It isn't a bad thing if someone helps someone or gives money when they are thinking about the good it will do for them. I think if more people thought about helping people as being also good for themselves more people would do it. I guess what I'm trying to say is you can help someone and be genuine about it, but also know your helping yourself by doing a good deed.
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Karina
10-05-2008, 08:01 PM
Originally Posted by kwolney01
I think it can go both ways. Of course when you give charity and help someone in need when there is nobody around then your genuinely trying to help them. It isn't a bad thing if someone helps someone or gives money when they are thinking about the good it will do for them. I think if more people thought about helping people as being also good for themselves more people would do it. I guess what I'm trying to say is you can help someone and be genuine about it, but also know your helping yourself by doing a good deed.
Thanks kwolney01.

Ok, I suppose one of the things I'm trying to say is, would anyone truly act for the benefit of others at a cost to themselves? And more importantly, why would they do this?

Ps. I'm a psychology student if anyone is wondering!
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Zahida
10-05-2008, 08:16 PM
:sl:Some people can be genuinely kind and act out of kindness shows. But question is what to do when you are kind to someone and they just yhrow it back in your face???????? Do you stop being kind to them?
Originally Posted by Karina
Question: Can we ever be GENUINELY kind to others?
(That is, without ulterior motives....)

Please think about this question before you answer, it's not as clear-cut as you may first think.



.
Reply

fatima_01
10-05-2008, 08:22 PM
i personally belive that they are VERY few people who do it genuinely a ratio of 2:1million maybe lol but hey that wat i think, i think sometimes without even realising it people hav a motive for doing summit one of the very popular reasons is to make urself look better to sum1 else,
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جوري
10-05-2008, 08:23 PM
Sure, If I sense genuine goodness in someone I'll do all I can to help them not looking for anything in return.

My brother's friend whom I don't know personally is very sick and in need of a transplant-- today I told my brother, I'd get tested to see if I am compatible to offer him an organ, and I genuinely mean it.

The man is married and has three children, I have no relationship to him, save that I know he is a good man...

Goodness is an inherent trait in most people, and I'd like to think, most would acquiesce to that innate goodness.

hope that answers your Q
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be sensible
10-05-2008, 08:36 PM
Originally Posted by kwolney01
I think it can go both ways. Of course when you give charity and help someone in need when there is nobody around then your genuinely trying to help them. It isn't a bad thing if someone helps someone or gives money when they are thinking about the good it will do for them. I think if more people thought about helping people as being also good for themselves more people would do it. I guess what I'm trying to say is you can help someone and be genuine about it, but also know your helping yourself by doing a good deed.
some may do something good because they want to help others geniounly when some one is in need because they feel bad about the other person condition.

I think you our conscious and our deen affect that way we behave there are number of reason for the things we do. As a a person of faith we do do the things that we do to please Allah (swt) to follow the sunnah of prophet as prophet was always nice to the people even when they were not nice to him eg the old lady. However in general view I think people act the way they do is due to norms and values each individual holds with in them self. We do what ever provails to eb good in our hearts. In a sense we do good or be good to others is because we have a sense of understanding of what is good and what is bad and we act up on the things the feel good to us.

I guess what I'm trying to say is you can help someone and be genuine about it, but also know your helping yourself by doing a good deed.[/QUOTE]

But more to the point your trying to ilustrate I think you can help some one and be genuine about it. It al depends on your motive for eg when your best friend is in need when your giving them advice that are beneficial you feel good that you have put forward positive contribution and your comments has made them feel better. But ultimately the intention was not to make your self feel good but the target was to make your friend feel better. There is always gonna be link between the two. As even in our religion it emphasis to do good to gain good so at the end everything in life more or less goes and comes around in a circle.
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Re.TiReD
10-05-2008, 08:38 PM
Yeah we can be genuinely kind.

I dare you to say we cant and be 100% sure of it
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Musaafirah
10-05-2008, 08:45 PM
I try and be genuinely kind..
My ulterior motive: To receive the reward which acts as a Sadaqah..Is that so bad?
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Zahida
10-05-2008, 08:52 PM
MahashAllah may Allah reward you for your kindness...........
Originally Posted by Skye Ephémérine
Sure, If I sense genuine goodness in someone I'll do all I can to help them not looking for anything in return.

My brother's friend whom I don't know personally is very sick and in need of a transplant-- today I told my brother, I'd get tested to see if I am compatible to offer him an organ, and I genuinely mean it.

The man is married and has three children, I have no relationship to him, save that I know he is a good man...

Goodness is an inherent trait in most people, and I'd like to think, most would acquiesce to that innate goodness.

hope that answers your Q
Reply

Zahida
10-05-2008, 08:54 PM
i disagree with this .eg. helping an old lady cross the road you never going to see her again..........?????????? Is that kindnesss..
Originally Posted by fatima_01
i personally belive that they are VERY few people who do it genuinely a ratio of 2:1million maybe lol but hey that wat i think, i think sometimes without even realising it people hav a motive for doing summit one of the very popular reasons is to make urself look better to sum1 else,
Reply

جوري
10-05-2008, 08:55 PM
Originally Posted by Zahida
MahashAllah may Allah reward you for your kindness...........
:sl:
May Allah grant this sheikh (my brother's friend) fast shifaa, ameen ya rabb...

:w:
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Zahida
10-05-2008, 08:59 PM
Agreed...... Kindness is when you give without expecting in return. :blind:
Originally Posted by Karina
Thanks kwolney01.

Ok, I suppose one of the things I'm trying to say is, would anyone truly act for the benefit of others at a cost to themselves? And more importantly, why would they do this?

Ps. I'm a psychology student if anyone is wondering!
Reply

barney
10-05-2008, 09:00 PM
Originally Posted by Karina
Question: Can we ever be GENUINELY kind to others?
(That is, without ulterior motives....)

Please think about this question before you answer, it's not as clear-cut as you may first think.



.

Probably not.
I once fixed a old guys car late one winters night on a lonely country road.
I wasnt expecting payment, none was offered. Why did i do it.
Well in my opinion 98% of my actions was in order to make the world a better place by helping someone because I wanted to make their position better.
But also in the mix is I'm helping someone who, if the situation was reversed would i hope help me. I also wanted to impress the need to help others less fortunate upon my children who were in my car at the time and afterwards i felt good about doing good. So perhaps some part of me wanted this "good feeling". That in itself surely is selfish.
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Hamayun
10-05-2008, 09:24 PM
If someone was starving and I gave him my spare sandwich on a train for example. I would do it for no other reason than he needs it and I can spare it.

Wouldn't expect to ever see him again or even return the favour.
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