Love Before Marriage...

[Re.TiReD]

:salamext:

Love before marriage can be complicated to say the least. Most of us will have someone we like for marriage. We often notice that person and the little things they do, and we say to ourselves” Hey, I’d like to marry that person”. The problem is that we’ve been too influenced by our society. TV., movies cause us to feel a void in our lives. So we create this imaginary “Romeo and Juliet” –type scenario to fill it. One will find themselves in a flux between reality and fiction. Surprisingly, even we macho brothers do it sometimes (Though we’ll never dare tell anyone). Often times one will think that they’re in love with someone, but in reality, they’re just in love with the idea of loving someone. TV. and movies are all make-believe. The scenarios they portray about love can’t be plugged into real-life situations. So as Muslims we should remain pragmatic and not let our emotions get the best of us. I’m not saying that it’s wrong to like or even love someone before marriage; Marriages don’t have to be 100% arranged. It’s good to like a person before you marry them, granted you don’t transcend the limits set by Allah (SWT). The Prophet (SAW) acknowledged that two people who aren’t married can fall in love. He (SAW) once said: “The best thing to do for two people who are in love, is to get married.”

Just don’t get too attached to the idea of a particular person because a lot of times it doesn’t work out, and could lead to heartache. And it’s usually for naught, considering that you wouldn’t really know that person unless you were married to them; and, also considering that marriage is predestined anyway. Remember, the goal is marriage, not the person. If you find that you’re constantly thinking about someone- and just absolutely have to marry them- you‘re probably in the area of extreme love.

Since haraam types of love can be out of our control, they won’t necessarily earn us a sin; we earn a sin if we act on those feelings. But the matter can get more serious than just earning a sin. Loving haraam things can eventually lead to us negating our emaan.

taken from
http://www.interactiveislam.com/html...rticle&sid=200

[Afifa]

Loving haraam things can eventually lead to us negating our emaan.

so true sis :skeleton:

jazakallah..very beneficial :thumbs_up

[F0z14]

lol so true sister! and most of the time "love" before marriage doesnt work out! u jus get urself into this delusional state which in most cases just leads to heartache! so best 2 stay away from all this inshAllah! another thing ive realised is that if u trully love somebody, surely u wouldnt want them 2 burn in the hellfire would u? so if u trully love them stay away from the haraam things! u should always want to marry some1 who is God-fearing

[Re.TiReD]

BarakAllah feeki.

And great post as usual sis Foz! *smiles*

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[*~~AdAn~~*]

:sl:love before marriage is nothing more then a fitnah

From Abū Hurayrah that Prophet (sallallahu ‘alaihay wa sallam) said,


“When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to any of you, then marry him. If you do not do such there will be fitnah and great fasād (discord, or what could be meant is zinā - fornication) on earth!”

nice post sis

[IbnAbdulHakim]

love before marriage is like


diving before you look

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

:sl:

^ Sometimes you're pushed and you can't take control.

[Re.TiReD]

:sl:

^ Sometimes you're pushed and you can't take control.

:wasalamex

I didnt ever think you'd say something like that...(I dont mean that in a bad way)

But its true, things do sometimes get out of our control, but I feel that there will always without a doubt come a point where you take a step back and think about what you're doing. And its from there we either try to back off or take halal steps.

[_Rida_]

how are we supposed to get married if we dont go out with someone??

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

:wasalamex

I didnt ever think you'd say something like that...(I dont mean that in a bad way)

But its true, things do sometimes get out of our control, but I feel that there will always without a doubt come a point where you take a step back and think about what you're doing. And its from there we either try to back off or take halal steps.

:wasalamex

I didn't take it in a bad way.

I meant that you can't control who you like, it's not in our hands, it's in the Hands of Allaah. The heart keeps changing, it flips back and forth, which is why the Messenger used to make the dua', 'Oh Turner of hearts..." So if you end up liking/loving someone, then that is beyond you. You're responsible for how you go from there, i.e. whether you take the halal or haraam.

[Re.TiReD]

Yup, without a doubt.

What I meant by my first comment is that I expected you to be criticising the ones who fall into that trap rather than what you actually said. masha'Allah

[IbnAbdulHakim]

:sl:

^ Sometimes you're pushed and you can't take control.

very true

in which case u might aswell embrace a head on collision :uuh:

[Re.TiReD]

very true

in which case u might aswell embrace a head on collision :uuh:

Or take control as best you can bi'ithnillah

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Or take control as best you can bi'ithnillah

99% people collide before taking control IMHO

[Re.TiReD]

99% people collide before taking control IMHO

Yeah but you do what you can when you finally realise. And hey, we come out stronger after having endured one of life's collisions right?

[brotherinfaith]

assalamu alaikum

i agree with your first comment sister jolifleur

the idea of love has become the only way to happiness for many people and unfotunately many muslims follow the same example ,it's because of that void in people life and the remotness from god that they started to seek happiness because they know they are not happy but they don't know in the right place and will never find what they are looking for.
when we know that marriage is predistined and that everything is in god's hand we will not focus on who we maarry but as you said on marriage itself but that doesn't mean there should not be love and our prophet prayer of god upon him gave us the best example of love in marriage.We can not control our hearts and who we love but we can be clear sighted and decide what kind of person we will love by deciding what kind of people we want to be as god said '' attayibuna li tayibat''
and just to anwser the one who asked how one can marry if they don't go out with together i will say that love is a ni'ma from allah and what is in god's hand will never be obtained through disobeying him and there people who go out together for years and when they marry they fail in living together and make each other miserable.
baraka allahu fikom wa jazakom allaho khayran

[Re.TiReD]

:wasalamex

Amazing reply, JazakAllah khayr akhee.

Especially this part;

love is a ni'ma from allah and what is in god's hand will never be obtained through disobeying him

And the first post isnt mine, was taken from another site

WassalamuAlaykum

[Ansariyah]

Love is a ni'ma from allah and what is in god's hand will never be obtained through disobeying him.

Allahu Akbar.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Yeah but you do what you can when you finally realise. And hey, we come out stronger after having endured one of life's collisions right?

say that to him:

;D

[reema]

salaam
What happens to people , like for eg men who are married and looking for love so that they can marry? I mean i have seen men who r actively seeking to fall in love and although they r married. I know one of my friend whose husband is always on internet and trying to find somebody. of course he wants to get married.
weird world:enough!:

[maryam87]

say that to him:

;D

You need to explain how part :D

[_Rida_]

no one answerred my question??

[IbnAbdulHakim]

how are we supposed to get married if we dont go out with someone??

ask the millions who have already done it and are happily married


or you can ask the millions who have dated and ended up in divorces



or i can ask mum, but i dont wanna get slapped :uuh:

[_Rida_]

lol!! Mz u are funny :giggling:

[Lamees]

wow .. very interesting and beneficial..Jazakee Allahu Khair sis.
btw..the "love" that you're talking abt is tooo harmful coz the person dreams and dreams and finally he'll be shocked..because this love didn't end with marriage or because of discovering that this love was ONE-SIDED love..
so..filling your leisure time with good things will keep u away of this..

[Re.TiReD]

BarakAllah feekum.

Bro Mz, difficulties do make u stronger :)

[Sahabiyaat]

pakistani parent:

love........:muddlehea..........before marriage :enough!::enough!::enough!::enough!::enough!:
what have i done to bring this day upon myself, somebody get me a paracetomol, this will be the end of me, is this what i raised you up to be!!!!!:enough!::enough!::enough!::enough!::enough !::enough!::enough!:i didnt even see your father until 6 months AFTER the marriage!!!!! , what will become of this generation, wheres my paracetomol!!!!!:enough!:

:D i wonder what the prophet would make of this outburst?

[Güven]

^ROFL;D

nice post realy and yes i agree difficulties does make you stronger indeed:)

:w:

[Re.TiReD]

Its true sis. But I guess when you feel enough for a person you should marry them. And that doesnt neccesarily have to be love...

But when 2 people love one another, they should get married :)

[Sahabiyaat]

But when 2 people love one another, they should get married :)

in la la land, yes.this is the real world and it stinks lol. :D

but hey what can you do except rely on Allah.

[Re.TiReD]

in la la land, yes.this is the real world and it stinks lol. :D

but hey what can you do except rely on Allah.

It happens, and it'll happen again insha'Allah :D

[Sahabiyaat]

erm...what will happen? ^o) lol.

[Re.TiReD]

erm...what will happen? ^o) lol.

You said it only happens in la-la land, it happens here too though :D

ok dont wanna go off-topic :x :-[

[Sahabiyaat]

does it, wow. :D.lucky people.

bak on topic! lol.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

pakistani parent:

love........:muddlehea..........before marriage :enough!::enough!::enough!::enough!::enough!:
what have i done to bring this day upon myself, somebody get me a paracetomol, this will be the end of me, is this what i raised you up to be!!!!!:enough!::enough!::enough!::enough!::enough !::enough!::enough!:i didnt even see your father until 6 months AFTER the marriage!!!!! , what will become of this generation, wheres my paracetomol!!!!!:enough!:

:D i wonder what the prophet would make of this outburst?

he'd obviously get her that paracetamol ! sallallahi alaihi wasallaam, what a gentle soul

[Woodrow]

how are we supposed to get married if we dont go out with someone??

I am now married for the third time. All 3 marriagaes were very good. I never dated either of my wives. I did not even see my present wife until after we had signed the Nikkah.

Over the years you will discover that dating is not a prelude to love. It is the pathway to lust and can destroy love before it even blossoms.

[ayan333]

I am now married for the third time. All 3 marriagaes were very good. I never dated either of my wives. I did not even see my present wife until after we had signed the Nikkah.

Over the years you will discover that dating is not a prelude to love. It is the pathway to lust and can destroy love before it even blossoms.

:sl:

wow..MashALLAH

:w:

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
i dont really know what this thread is about (:hiding:), but *bump...

[roohani.doctor]

^ LOL

Nice thread. Really put things in perspective (for me). Very true that love before marriage in most cases leads to unfulfilled desires and awakens a raw heartache inside. If we don't control this before it gets too far we get depressed. And then we take anti-depressants. Which in reality actually make you more depressed (in the long-term).

Sorry for the outburst. *grin*

[Re.TiReD]

Umm Al-Shaheeeed! Lo0o0oL why bump if you dunno what its about, I forgot wat its about too....But time has taught me that love before marriage is rarely handled in the correct way. Wallahu A'lam

WassalamuAlaykum

[nebula]

i love some people therefore when i get married id have loved before marriage correct?

[Najm]

i love some people therefore when i get married id have loved before marriage correct?

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Correct. How much you love them before marriage is the real question.

I think i know why love marriage CAN BE haram.

Love marriage doesnt have to be haram. I believe if things are done the correct way then its completely halal. BUT there is one big problem is love marriage. One big problem.

FiAmaaniAllah

[burdenofbeing]

I've spent two years with my current wife before marriage as friends. We've been married for 5 years and I'm all too happy.

Being honest, and not trying the borders of islamic law is enough. It is possible to love someone without getting too intimate you know...

[convert]

I would argue that love does not exist, or it does not exist in the notion that most believe that it does. Go ahead and flame me for being a cold, bad person for saying this.

[crayon]

I would argue that love does not exist, or it does not exist in the notion that most believe that it does. Go ahead and flame me for being a cold, bad person for saying this.

Gladly. :p

[IbnAbdulHakim]

for inner peace, and a clear conciounce... avoid the pre-marital stuff


seriously.

why get married with a ton over your shoulders...

[Najm]

for inner peace, and a clear conciounce... avoid the pre-marital stuff


seriously.

why get married with a ton over your shoulders...

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

You i know what ur saying 100% right.

There is a matter of opinion here. Cause i have seen many arrange marriages (in the right sense), that havent worked out at all, and then i have seen many love marriages (in the right sense) work out really well. So from my experience, id prefer love than arranged, but never harram.

You dont need love to make a marriage work ( maybe stay unhappy all your life though). But if you have love then it is easier to make marriage work!!!

and using your famous quote:

Why get married to have a ton over your shoulders.

FiAmaaniAllah

[Najm]

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Correct. How much you love them before marriage is the real question.


Love marriage doesnt have to be haram. I believe if things are done the correct way then its completely halal. BUT there is one big problem is love marriage. One big problem.

FiAmaaniAllah

The one big problem: PARENTS

X meets Y,

Y loves X,

X wanna marry Y,

Y's parents goes mad!

And heres the scene.......

pakistani parent:

love........:muddlehea..........before marriage :enough!::enough!::enough!::enough!::enough!:
what have i done to bring this day upon myself, somebody get me a paracetomol, this will be the end of me, is this what i raised you up to be!!!!!:enough!::enough!::enough!::enough!::enough !::enough!::enough!:i didnt even see your father until 6 months AFTER the marriage!!!!! , what will become of this generation, wheres my paracetomol!!!!!:enough!:

:D i wonder what the prophet would make of this outburst?

So what does X and Y do now?

to be continued....

FiAmaaniAllah

[Güven]

:sl:

Don't leave us in suspense!