PLEASE give any advice 15 yr old daughter pregnant

[AnonymousPoster]

Asalam alaikum,
PLease I need links and advice urgently. My 15 yr old daughter is pregnant with a 20 yr old guy. I didn't agree with them being together but they would sneak around and see eachother behind my back. I am a revert and don't beleive in abortion, she wants to have one. Please please I am begging for any links or advice from everyone to help me and her to come to some sort of decision.
This is urgent please respond.

[Hamayun]

Salam Alaikum.

Abortion is completely out of the question unless it is endangering the mother's life.

What has happened can not be changed so look ahead. The only thing I can think of is maybe marriage?

If they think they are old enough to make a commitment to the baby then surely they can commit to each other?

Wish I could be of more help.

:w:

[- Qatada -]

asalaam alaikum


we pray that Allah eases your matters, ameen.


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[Zahida]

Our prayers are with you on this serious matter, I have a daughter of this age also......... I pray Allah, gives you strength and shows you guidance in your time of need............

Perhaps marraige would be a solution? I say this without any previous knowledgeof the situation .................

asalaam alaikum


we pray that Allah eases your matters, ameen.


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[kwolney01]

I agree with the others, abortion is not an opition unless it will danger her or the baby.

I can not imagine how you feel right now. No mother wants to hear their 15 yr old daughter is pregnant w/out being married.

I found this website http://womentodaymagazine.com/advice/teen_pregnant.html maybe that can help a lil bit.

The best thing to do right now is to pray to Allah for support and guidence in this situation. Pray for strength, talk to your daughter about it and see how she is feeling about everything.

I wish you all the best!

[Cabdullahi]

1st option:marriage, if that wont happen then second option
2nd option:KEEP THE CHILD and explain to ur daughter that she committed a sin of sex before marriage and if she kills this baby through abortion then she will be a certified fornicator and a murderer

inshallah allah will be with you and,you will solve this problem and remember abortion is haram

[Snowflake]

I'm very sorry to hear of your troubles sister. May Allah help you in this difficult situation. Ameen.

Is your daughter a muslim? This could affect the approach you take with her. However right now your daughter must be terrified that having a baby will 'ruin' her life. Pointless saying she should've thought about it before. What's done is done. She probably doesn't want to lose her freedom. But if she knew that you will help her raise the baby, she might decide against abortion inshaAllah? I know this puts you in a very difficult situation but unless she takes responsibility, you will have to step in so that she is less afraid and hopefully realises that having a baby won't ruin her life. Gently explain that even an unborn child has the right to live and she might regret it later. This is a very difficult situation and at the end of the day, you can only offer your help and guidence and be prepared if she decides otherwise. I really feel for you sis. I'm here if you wish to talk.

*hugz*

[Ayesha Rana]

i don't know what to say because i don't want to offer the wrong advice. Allah knows best. Insha'Allah He will hep you.

[AnonymousPoster]

JazakAllah for all your replies and advice.
I converted in May of this year but my daughter chose not to.
For the options, marriage to this guy would be of only benefit that baby would be born inside a marriage, they constantly fight, he is manipulative and jealous and a plain JERK, I can't see that it would even last and she would be in a bad situation. As for abortion, she wants one and I don't think I even have to consent (SAD) this is the society we live in. I tried many times through the courts to prevent this but even though the courts supposedly have the "statatory rape" law, the police said that they wouldn't prosecute him since it was consentual. even though she is a minor and he is an adult. Then I was told to get a restraining order and the judge denied it with prejudice, meaning I couldn't even refile later. Anyway CA courts are not for justice.
I have told her that we are going to keep it but then what about the example it sets for her younger brother 9 yr and sister 4 1/2 what does this say to them??

[YusufNoor]

JazakAllah for all your replies and advice.
I converted in May of this year but my daughter chose not to.

Allah[swt] decides who He[swt] calls and when, be patient with her.


For the options, marriage to this guy would be of only benefit that baby would be born inside a marriage, they constantly fight, he is manipulative and jealous and a plain JERK, I can't see that it would even last and she would be in a bad situation.

you might trust your judgment/intuition on this one. why make everything worse?


As for abortion, she wants one and I don't think I even have to consent (SAD) this is the society we live in.

they don't even have to tell you!


I tried many times through the courts to prevent this but even though the courts supposedly have the "statatory rape" law, the police said that they wouldn't prosecute him since it was consentual. even though she is a minor and he is an adult. Then I was told to get a restraining order and the judge denied it with prejudice, meaning I couldn't even refile later. Anyway CA courts are not for justice.
I have told her that we are going to keep it but then what about the example it sets for her younger brother 9 yr and sister 4 1/2 what does this say to them??

:sl:

first of all sister, congratulations on reverting! one we revert, we get tested by Allah[swt] to make sure that we are really believers. [keep that in mind]

I have told her that we are going to keep it but then what about the example it sets for her younger brother 9 yr and sister 4 1/2 what does this say to them?

well for 1, it would show that you as a mother REALLY LOVE your kids EVEN WHEN they screw up! but right now, worry more about your daughter then the other 2.

Patience and Prayer are your best tools here. in the USA your daughter can terminate the pregnancy without you approval or even knowledge.

open the lines of communication with your daughter as much as you can. try you best to persuade her to do the right thing and remember to keep the talk going no matter what happens! IF she does abort, she will still be a 15 year old that got pregnant by a 20 year old and MAYBE, In Sha'a Allah, you can prevent it from happening again.

just remember, it's NOT the end of the world, it just feels that way!

May Allah[swt] guide you and strengthen you and increase you in knowledge! and may He[swt] also guide your children to Islam! Ameen!

:w:

[IbnAbdulHakim]

subhanAllaah.. may Allah ease your affairs.



sis i dont know how to help but i can tell you what i think i might do in such a situation.

i would help my daughter by raising this child and teaching her the beauty of islaam.
It is after all Allaah who gives Rizq (sustainance)! every soul has its share prescribed !

if she desires an abortion, i would kick the child out



that is what i would do, may Allah ease your affairs.


Assalamu Alaikum

[MO783]

:sl:

Inshallah may Allah make it easy for you, I do not know what to say but I would say marraige is the best option.

[جوري]

:sl:

I believe how you handle this situation right now will have an impact on whether or not your daughter herself converts in the future..
I know when people convert they think it is a piece of cake, their kids simply have to follow in their footsteps..kids are rebellious especially at your daughter's age...
I would approach this with extreme caution and counsel every step of the way...

in the beginning and the end you are her mother, and a grandmother to this baby.. seek Allah SWT help and try to set some boundaries of your expectations -- as bad as this sounds, the ball is now in your court-- your daughter is going to need you, and 20 year old guys sooner or later after they have had their fun will want to move on to the next conquest ... so think carefully of how you'll approach this..

insha'Allah you'll be in my du3a..

:w:

[Ushae]

I'm not sue what to say here..

Abortion is not an option . What she has done is a very serious sin. Is the father a muslim ? If so then I would only really say approach your family elders and the imam of your local mosque and get a second opinion on what to do next. Do not abort..

Allah Hafis,
Usman

[جوري]

She is a convert akhi, I don't believe her daughter embraced Islam yet..
and Allah knows best

:w:

[AnonymousPoster]

Asalam alaikum everyone,
JazakAllah for all the advice everyone has posted, I appreciate it so very much.
Since my daughter did not convert with me, her and I have different views on this. We spoke yesterday and she wants to terminate, but I told her how I felt that she chose to have sex full well knowing that there was possible going to be this consequence, and she still chose to do it. So I told her that I felt that now she is pregnant that she should take responsibility for her actions. Yes she sinned for sure and believe me she cried her eyes out yesterday calling on God to take it away from her.
The thing is that my 4 1/2 yr old has been teaching her what she is learning about Islam and when I took her phone away she actually had a task on 10/4 that said "learn the Quran" maybe this is my test and her opportunity to change her ways and convert. I am always being told that Allah is the best planner and that he won't put more on you than you can bare, so for me being there for her an teaching her then this could be the point that opens her heart to Islam. InshaAllah, please keep praying for us!!

[IbnAbdulHakim]

inshaAllah subhanAllaah maybe her baby will be an angel who will always help her become a true mu'minah (pious muslim believer) inshaAllaah :)

[The Khan]

:sl:

I shall pray for your daughter, the baby, and you. May Allah (SWT) guide her to righteousness. May Allah (SWT) help you overcome this disaster. Ameen.

:w:

[layla is here]

May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala ease your affairs and guide you through this. ameen

[Faseeha]

Assalamu-alaikum

I am sorry to hear of your situation sister.

Always remember that Allah tests us all in many different ways, and that Allah knows best why things happen the way they do. Also remember to make lots of dua (supplication), as dua has the power to change things and people.

As difficult a time as this is for you, your daughter is also going through alot of feelings and emotions, she may make a hasty decision which she could live to regret. You have to guide her, keep your communication open, try to abstain from fighting and yelling as this will just make her more rebellious.

Marriage may not seem like a good option, but if the man is willing to give it a try, perhaps it should be considered.

Abortion is a major sin and also will be likely to torment your daughter emotionally for years to come, so it would be preferable not to go down this route.

May Allah (SWT) guide you, and make this difficult time easier, don't lose faith

[Snowflake]

ameen to the duaas.

I'm glad to hear you're sounding a little more positive mashaAllah. You are in my duaas as you know. Stay strong sis. I'm here for you inshaAllah.

[seeker-of-light]

i believe the two should get married, because it would make it much easier for the child to cope with when he or she is born. abortion is not an option as said before. if she loved this guy enough to have a child with him, then she should have enough love and commitment for him to not object to marriage to him when she becomes of age to marry. there are too many single moms out there, and it really outs alot of stress on families and the children especially from these pre-marital relationships.

[جوري]

:sl: sister...
I am pained that you feel the need to go anonymous or especially choose your words lest people judge you for the actions of your daughter..

sister it is Islam you choose and Allah SWT won't disregard your righteous deeds insha'Allah least of which for the sins of your daughter. From no man's sins shall another be punished or goodness shall another be rewarded..

I'd hope that you can have a supportive Muslim community, but I understand that many unfortunately are too wrapped in self-righteousness that they neglect the basic principles of Islam, which is to be kind, cheerful, helpful and neighborly over being too harsh and judgmental.

You'll always have brothers and sisters on this forum who care for you deeply, insha'Allah if you feel the urge to PM for moral support..

May Allah make your affairs easy on you and let this be the focus that brings your daughter closer to Allah swt..

waslaam 3lykoum wr wb

[Malaikah]

I tried many times through the courts to prevent this but even though the courts supposedly have the "statatory rape" law, the police said that they wouldn't prosecute him since it was consentual. even though she is a minor and he is an adult.

How stupid, what is the point of having the law if they can go unpunished if there consent??

We spoke yesterday and she wants to terminate, but I told her how I felt that she chose to have sex full well knowing that there was possible going to be this consequence, and she still chose to do it. So I told her that I felt that now she is pregnant that she should take responsibility for her actions.

Exactly. She should take responsibility. There is no need to take the life of an innocent baby just because the mother did something wrong.

How far along is she? How many months?

[cute123]

May Allah (SWT) ease your affairs. Ameen

[north_malaysian]

I think both of them should be married.... it's so sad to see babies born without a father and mother....

No to abortion..... if your daughter doesnt want to take care the baby...you should pledge to her that you would....

Allah Ma3akon!imsad

[Ushae]

As her mother you are responsible.

If I were in your shoes I would force her if needed to avoid the abortion. She has no right to kill an unborn child, that power alone lies with Allah.

The baby may be a blessing in disguise. Allah works in mysterious ways, sometimes death, fortune and new life changes who we are.

Contact the husband and make him take responsibility for the baby. Whether he is a muslim or not, then he should marry her as soon as possible regardles of faith. It isn't a bad prospect, he needs to take responisbility for his actions, your daughter and the baby's future.

He doesn't have a choice..

[fatima_01]

all the best sister wateva decision you/she makes and dnt let her get her way all the time

[YusufNoor]

As her mother you are responsible.

If I were in your shoes I would force her if needed to avoid the abortion.

in America the sister CANNOT stop a minor child from having an abortion!


She has no right to kill an unborn child, that power alone lies with Allah.

In America she[the daughter] has EVERY "right" to kill her unborn child, NOT ONLY THAT, but the school system will help and do it without the consent or even knowledge of the mother! [of the student]

The baby may be a blessing in disguise. Allah works in mysterious ways, sometimes death, fortune and new life changes who we are.

Contact the husband and make him take responsibility for the baby.

financially, yes...

Whether he is a muslim or not, then he should marry her as soon as possible regardles of faith.

if the daughter were Muslim and the father of the child wasn't, we wouldn't be saying that. the 20 year old male may be a total piece of excretion and should be discouraged from ever seeing the daughter again!


It isn't a bad prospect, he needs to take responsibility for his actions, your daughter and the baby's future.

He doesn't have a choice..

:sl:

Brothers and Sisters we are talking about a revert Sister in America, the pregnant daughter in this case has more "rights" than ANYBODY in this case and the unborn child has ABSOLUTELY ZERO rights!

if the child is not born, the 20 year will have no consequences in the entire ordeal. please try to keep all of this in mind when helping the Sister!

i'm not picking on the poster, i just wanted to show everyone the "real deal" in the good old USA!

let's make lots of du'a, In Sha'a Allah!

:w:

[BNDGR]

Asalam alaikum everyone,
JazakAllah for all the great support.
Today she had a dr appt and when I went to get her from school she hadn't been there all day, of course I panicked! But Alhumdullilah she didn't do it, she did go the the family planning for information. Here in the great USA even thought she can't even drive yet she can have confidential dr appts and get this abortion with or without my permission. :cry:
She came home late and I took her to dr and they gave her an ultrasound and she is 5-6 wks, the bad part is that her and the dr talked to her as I was told to go out of the room (confidentiality)and when I asked to see the ultrasound pics the dr said "oh there isn't anything to see" and that there isn't even a heart beat, making my daughter think it is not a life yet. That is BULL!! I was so mad at how nonchalant the dr was. She should at least be straight with my daughter and let her know accurate information that baby is forming and does have a heart beat, then she might think before doing anything to harm it.
Sorry this is so long, but I told my daughter that if she does go ahead and have an abortion that she can't live here anymore, I told her I don't agree and that I would support her and help her to keep it.
I can't keep her on lockdown, and it kills me to think of her doing it.
I am praying for Alllah to give her wisdom and strength to do the right thing and accept responsiblity.
As for the "GUY" he is useless!! And marrying him would not make the situation any better, just put my daughter in an abusive relationship. InshaAllah like some of you posted, this baby could be the angel sent to help her to make a decision to change her life in the right direction!

[The Khan]

:w:

Okhee, I think it's possible she tried to convince the doctor to tell you that there's no life yet. Your child is doing whatever she can to have an abortion without opposing you.

[TrueStranger]

She made the mistake of fornicating, tell her not to make the mistake of taking an innocent life.

Keep praying for her, and May Allah help you and your family.

[alcurad]

abortion is not an easy option, but to your daughter, it's the easiest option right now. so if you don't want her to do it, she has to be convinced of it. no lock down or grounding will change that fact. I think a firm yet supportive stance is very important.

[YusufNoor]

Asalam alaikum everyone,
JazakAllah for all the great support.
Today she had a dr appt and when I went to get her from school she hadn't been there all day, of course I panicked! But Alhumdullilah she didn't do it, she did go the the family planning for information. Here in the great USA even thought she can't even drive yet she can have confidential dr appts and get this abortion with or without my permission. :cry:
She came home late and I took her to dr and they gave her an ultrasound and she is 5-6 wks, the bad part is that her and the dr talked to her as I was told to go out of the room (confidentiality)and when I asked to see the ultrasound pics the dr said "oh there isn't anything to see" and that there isn't even a heart beat, making my daughter think it is not a life yet. That is BULL!! I was so mad at how nonchalant the dr was. She should at least be straight with my daughter and let her know accurate information that baby is forming and does have a heart beat, then she might think before doing anything to harm it.
Sorry this is so long, but I told my daughter that if she does go ahead and have an abortion that she can't live here anymore, I told her I don't agree and that I would support her and help her to keep it.
I can't keep her on lockdown, and it kills me to think of her doing it.
I am praying for Alllah to give her wisdom and strength to do the right thing and accept responsiblity.
As for the "GUY" he is useless!! And marrying him would not make the situation any better, just put my daughter in an abusive relationship. InshaAllah like some of you posted, this baby could be the angel sent to help her to make a decision to change her life in the right direction!

:sl:

Bismillah-ir Rahman-ir Raheem,

erm, you forgot to post as anonymous...

assuming that your daughter is intelligent, you could attempt 2 approaches, the first being this. if you come from the "Christian" world, there is a belief that the devil, Shaytan, IS the lord of this world and that the only way out is thru the trinity. as Muslims, however, we KNOW the truth! it's VERY SIMPLE:

21:
Muhsin Khan: And they all shall appear before Allah (on the Day of Resurrection) then the weak will say to those who were arrogant (chiefs): "Verily, we were following you; can you avail us anything from Allah's Torment?" They will say: "Had Allah guided us, we would have guided you. It makes no difference to us (now) whether we rage, or bear (these torments) with patience, there is no place of refuge for us."
22:
Muhsin Khan: And Shaitan (Satan) will say when the matter has been decided: "Verily, Allah promised you a promise of truth. And I too promised you, but I betrayed you. I had no authority over you except that I called you, so you responded to me. So blame me not, but blame yourselves. I cannot help you, nor can you help me. I deny your former act in associating me (Satan) as a partner with Allah (by obeying me in the life of the world). Verily, there is a painful torment for the Zalimun (polytheists and wrong-doers, etc.)."
23:
Muhsin Khan: And those who believed (in the Oneness of Allah and His Messengers and whatever they brought) and did righteous deeds, will be made to enter Garden

that's from Surat Ibrahim[#14]; the 1st time i heard this, from here, well actually it was a cd in my car, the same version:

http://www.kalamullah.com/noble-quran.html

i was thunderstruck! to me it seemed to inform us of just how much Shaytan has "pulled the wool over our eyes!" it's just food for thought, but it does show us how the "devil made me do it" type excuses are so lame that even Shaytan will ridicule us: "I had no authority over you except that I called you" and worse than that "so you responded to me!" on the other hand, it teaches us that all we really have to do is to STOP RESPONDING to Shaytan! it's not as hard as it would appear, although not mere child's play either!

the 2nd is more complicated, but have her ponder on the real truth behind Planned Parenthood:

http://blackgenocide.org/sanger.html

there are some real controversial issues dealing with "Family Planning", the main gist being that you[well, us actually] are NOT worth the food you eat [or the resources that you consume] and thus to have us "kill our own selves off" is JUST what some of the "World's Elite want! and i dislike using Alex Jones as an example, but i'm out of time, but check this out and do some research:

http://www.infowars.com/articles/nwo...uidestones.htm

part of the goals of the world's elite are to:

The Message of the Georgia Guidestones

1. Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature.
2. Guide reproduction wisely - improving fitness and diversity.
3. Unite humanity with a living new language .
4. Rule passion - faith - tradition - and all things with tempered reason.
5. Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts.
6. Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court.
7. Avoid petty laws and useless officials.
8. Balance personal rights with social duties.
9. Prize truth - beauty - love - seeking harmony with the infinite.
10. Be not a cancer on the earth - Leave room for nature - Leave room for nature.

by ignoring Allah[swt], we falling into the "trap" of these people. also check out this by Aaron Russo:

http://www.onedollardvdproject.com/DVD-new/Vids7.html

it's not long, so watch the whole clip if you can,

aaach, out of time, gotta go!

May Allah[swt] assist you and guide you in your time of need and at all times and may He[swt] also guide and aid all of your children!
Ameen!

:w:

[786rani]

:sl:
I myself am 15yrs old. and for me it is unimaginable to be pregnant and looking at the prospect of marriage. May Allah help you through this difficult time.
rani

[BNDGR]

:sl:
I myself am 15yrs old. and for me it is unimaginable to be pregnant and looking at the prospect of marriage. May Allah help you through this difficult time.
rani

JazakAllah for your post, it is something at 15 that shouldn't even be a thought!!
Your right, but unfortunately without having strong beliefs, it is very easy to be influenced by others. You sound very strong mashaAllah!
I am being there for my daughter and inshaAllah mabye one day she will be guided to Islam.
To everyone who posted, reg. this, she is still struggling with her decisions and Allah has put obstacles in her path when she has tried to do something wrong, and everytime it is giving her a second chance to consider what she is doing and to make the right decision!
Allah is very merciful and he is there for us even when we have done wrong, he is still there trying to help her!!!
I am very thankfull to have being introduced to Islam, it has changed me and without Allah and his teachings if this situation would have occured I know for a fact that I would be lost, and that I couldn't have guided her !!
She is a smart and beautiful girl that has made a mistake, but inshAllah she will choose to do the right thing and her life will be better for it.