Please help - marriage dillema - advice needed

[AnonymousPoster]

Please help- i met a muslim guy a few years ago and ever since we met we wanted to get married, we have always had the right intentions and have done the ishtikara which came out positve, after a year and a half of my family knowing, things got moving slowly, the guy lives with his brother and mum and his dad has split up from mum. now my dad did some research and found that his dad did some bad things and for that reason i cannot marry him because of family pride, they say that it was a good thing they found out now, but is that right? the guy is mashallah so decent and so is his family, but all because of what his dad did in the past it cant happen? can anyone help us out, we have been reading as much as we can, keeping faith in allah tallah and hoping my family soften, can anybody tell us what we can do? or suggest anything we can read, i dont want to go against my family and i would never do that, but how can i leave something i know that can make me happy and wanting to lead a simple islamic way of life together?

[Snowflake]

found that his dad did some bad things and for that reason i cannot marry him because of family pride, they say that it was a good thing they found out now, but is that right?

It's not right sis. The son isn't responsible for his father's actions and then those being yonks ago.

Allah swt, says in the Qur'an:

“Every soul draws the meed of its acts on none but itself: no bearer of burdens can bear bear the burden of another.” (Quran 6:164)

Meaning:
Each human being will be held responsible for his own sins. Father is not responsible for son’s sins and neither is the son responsible for father’s sins.

gently explain this to your parents and also that it isn't a basis to refuse a proposal. do make duaa to Allah to assist you in making them understand.

May Allah grant your desire if its good for you ~ ameen

[amna_mirza]

:sl:
You should get your parents to find out more about the brother you want to marry. May be they will realize how good he is for you and ignore the facts concerning his father

[Sahabiyaat]

thats really stupid, why punish the son for his fathers actions, but i get you on the whole honour/pride issue.

Tell your family, infact show them the verse in the Quran where it says that each person is responsible for his own actions!

downside > you marry him, anything goes wrong, their going to bring this up.

life is crap man :mmokay:

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[AnonymousPoster]

yeh you are right life is crap, but because it has only kicked off couple of days ago, me and him are reading as much as possible and not losing himat and inshallah Allah swt will guide us in the right path, we have always had clean intentions towards each other but punjabi parents hey what can you do??? i feel so much better knowing that i am not wrong, i juat hope their pride doesnt mess up peoples lives, his mum has mashallah been so supportive and has not given up either, i just hope my family realise

[islamirama]

Life is not crap, it is a gift from Allah. People are crap[py], life is what you make it.

[*~~AdAn~~*]

life is not acarp but there are few things in our society which makes life hell sometimes
man made things you should learn how to get rid of them sis

[MO783]

:sl:

You should make dua and tell your parents that if one family member does something bad does not mean they are all bad.

Give an example of how Prophet Noor AS and Prohet Lut AS, both their wives were non belivers etc

Does not make at the family bad now does it ?

Inshallah will work out for you

Salam

[Yanal]

:w:
So what if the father did bad sins in the past he doesn't live with them now. Is the brother older than him? If so tell your father that his older bro isn't effected from his fathers legacy so why should he be? Anyway when did the divource occur when he was small or...?

[IbnAbdulHakim]

keep at it !

[AnonymousPoster]

the divorce happened over 12 years ago, your right ive got faith in Allah SWT and I will not give up, thank you everyone for your advice

[S_87]

may Allah make it easy for u :cry:

[Lonely Gal]

keep prayin, be patient and inshAllah if its meant to be it will.. have faith

[ummsara1108]

Please help- i met a muslim guy a few years ago and ever since we met we wanted to get married, we have always had the right intentions and have done the ishtikara which came out positve, after a year and a half of my family knowing, things got moving slowly, the guy lives with his brother and mum and his dad has split up from mum. now my dad did some research and found that his dad did some bad things and for that reason i cannot marry him because of family pride, they say that it was a good thing they found out now, but is that right? the guy is mashallah so decent and so is his family, but all because of what his dad did in the past it cant happen? can anyone help us out, we have been reading as much as we can, keeping faith in allah tallah and hoping my family soften, can anybody tell us what we can do? or suggest anything we can read, i dont want to go against my family and i would never do that, but how can i leave something i know that can make me happy and wanting to lead a simple islamic way of life together?

Sister inshallah you both will find peace! Unfortunaely family pride seems to always get in the way of possible happiness. I wouldn't let your families pride lead you away from your own happiness, it is for god you seek to please not your family, although approval from family is always wanted and accepted, but not always there. It's hard to go against those who have raised you, but like a few others have stated your futher husband isn't accountable for someone else's actions only for his own.

Example: Say that your mother and father found a man that everyone respected, he was well known, was finacialy well off, but after your marriage things turn out not so wonderful, do you blame his parents? After all it was them who raised him. Of course not.

Your futher husband, inshallah, will not be labled a bad person just merely because of something his father did or still does for that matter, will he always be held reasponsible for what his father does? I hope not

Peace and Blessings...