role of mother in law in upbringing of ones children

[newmom]

how much authority does my mother in law have over my baby? she is visiting for two months, but gets offended if i do not feed or handle him according to her wishes, and if i have a different approach towards an issue regarding the baby, she indicates that she is more experiened than me and that i shudnt argue with her. I have been taking care of my child alhamdulillah since he was born and i feel very angry when she does this. what is my position regarding how to react to her?

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
congrats on bubs :D
hmm...@ ur qn, not sure :)
buuut, its only two months...try be paitent inshallah... try speak to your husband :? to speak to her.
i think you should let her help out, etc but make it clear (through your hubbi) that you want to do the majority
:)

[SixTen]

Try not to be hard on her is my only advice.

[crayon]

If I were in your shoes, I'd thank her for her concern and advice, try some sort of compromise when I'm around her; but when I'm alone I would just raise my child the way I saw fit (and take her advice if i agree with it, of course).

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[Umu 'Isa]

:sl:
I know how you feel sis, a few of my friends have been in your situation and they found it very very hard subhan Allaah... especially with breastfeeding, a lot of the older generation don't believe breastfeeding is enough for little babies :( which is totally wrong!!

I guess you can't really do anything other than when she gives you advice just say 'jazakillahu khayran :)' and continue doing it your way? maybe out of her sight though... and ask your husband to speak to her?

may Allaah make it easy for you sis :)

[newmom]

jazakallah all of you for replying to my question..see it isnt so simple...often times there are litarally two ways of doing something..its just a matter of preference..so while i should understand that doing it her way should solve the problem for two months, it wudbe great if she realized that theres no need to impose an alternative when im doing just fine.
my husband is very supportive of me alhamdulillah and he says the same...to wait it out..
its just hard..
thanks a million for the replies
salam alaykum

[جوري]

add a strong cathartic to her morning cup of coffee and I am sure you both will be relieved a while...

I kid...
Just ask her to take it easy.. I think being honest is best...

:w:

[piXie]

Just ask her to take it easy.. I think being honest is best...

:sl:

Perhaps not that wise though. I know sometimes grown ups shouldn't do the things they do, and your mother in law should understand that your a new mum, and as a new mum, you are sensitive about your baby. But if she doesn't understand that, don't waste your B vitamins by getting angry. (Try :-\) Take it in your stride. If your mother in law feels doing it this way or that way with regards to bringing up her grandchild is better, its not really such a big deal. Remember that this is the same woman who bought up your wonderful husband. (You are happy with the person he is right? :D). Your mother in law is not going to cause the baby any major harm or injury. Not even any minor harm or injury for that matter. So don't let yourself worry and don't let this ruin your relationship with her. Especially when she's only staying for two months. Because really, whether you do it your way, or let your mother in law do it her way, it won't make much difference to the baby. If she wants to do it her way, let her. Give her the baby. Use the opportunity to enjoy some free with your husband. Take a break :D And then when your mother in law goes, you can bring up your baby any way you want.

You know you are very blessed. Many women have to be patient with much more than this, and they don't even have supporting husbands.

may Allaah make it easy for you, and bless your home and family.

[cute123]

agree with pixie. specially the fact that it isnt going to harm the baby with the approach you would take or your mother in law would. and in normal cases the elders like to rule , they have their own justification - their experience. give them a bit happiness (allow them to) if its harmless and is just means stepping down a bit. i mean they are elder and have more rights than us. the precede us in every matter. if she is happy with you, she will be giving good duas to your son and that matters.

--------- too much of adivice i should stop now.

[Snowflake]

allow your mom-in-law the same privileges as you would your own mother.

A lot of the time us mums think we have to prove that we are supermums who can cope single-handedly when inside we could be at breaking point. let her take care of the lil one and use that time for yourself. There must be a million things youve not been able to do since having your baby. Accept her advice and help. After all, im sure you agree that your mum-in-law did a good job of raising your hubby :D

[YusufNoor]

jazakallah all of you for replying to my question..see it isnt so simple...often times there are litarally two ways of doing something..its just a matter of preference..so while i should understand that doing it her way should solve the problem for two months, it wudbe great if she realized that theres no need to impose an alternative when im doing just fine.
my husband is very supportive of me alhamdulillah and he says the same...to wait it out..
its just hard..
thanks a million for the replies
salam alaykum

:sl:

i was listening to a lecture and this thread came to my mind.

here's what stood out:

1) your husband is OBLIGATED to protect you from his mother in this situation, you have a "right to privacy"

2) your mother in law is also obligated to make sure that you have your "right to privacy"

3) don't hold too fast to #1 & #2!! :D

Allah[swt] is providing you with an opportunity here! much like we would like Allah[swt] to give us a break here and there and overlook our shortcomings, Allah[swt] is giving you a chance to show mercy both to your husband and to your mother-in-law! in doing so, Allah[swt] can show you that He is the MOST MERCIFUL!

you are cutting your husband some slack by not "demanding" that he resolve the situation with his mother immediately. you are showing BOTH mercy and sabr! BOTH are great acts of worship! Alla[swt] is either forgiving you of your sins or raising your rank!

SAME with the situation with with the mother-in-law! you would be well within your rights to get her to butt out! you MAY do so, HOWEVER if you continue to show both mercy and sabr, then Allah[swt] is gracing you more situations to attain HIS MERCY!

my husband is very supportive of me alhamdulillah and he says the same...to wait it out..
its just hard..
thanks a million for the replies

your efforts DO NOT go to waste! Allah[swt] is watching EVERYTHING! NOTHING escapes HIM! Allah[swt] can reward you for a gazillion years for a few moments of mercy and sabr! and that would be just the beginning!

May Allah[swt] guide you, aid you, strengthen you and reward you! AMEEN!

by the way, i think it was in part 3:

http://www.nazirakoob.com/menk/SocialConduct.html

:w:

[alcurad]

a wife shouldn't make her man choose between her and his mother, it always ends badly, having said that, she should bug off, it's your child, you bore it, not she...