advice for a guy

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:
what advice would you give to a guy...

he loves his cousin (paki) and has done since he was 12, he is now 19.

she doesnt feel the same way, she has rejected him in the past. she is 17.

these two are always arguing they NEVER get on and never will. personality clash.

i know for a fact that she wont like him in that way, she sees him as a brother, and she likes some other guy who she may get married to, who is out of fam.

anyway this guy, her cousin, loves her to bits and cant move on no matter how hard he tries, he just cant forget about her and loves her to bits. he cant help but feel this way...what can he do?

he rejected other girls because he loves this girl too much....

[Mikayeel]

:w:

Thread approved

[crayon]

I would advise him to stop being rejected, get over her, and move on with his life. Simple.

[Mikayeel]

I would advise him to stop being rejected, get over her, and move on with his life. Simple.

Very true! If a women doesnt love you, she doesnt love u! Nothing he can do... So ye best thing for him is to move on.

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[Sahabiyaat]

hmmm


i have this idea that people only look outside their family for marriage because they think they will find someone without faults, someone they dont know and will have fun in getting to know etc...and reject family members because they 'know them too much', not knowing that everyone has faults and people outside the family will have just have as many problem/issues as your own family.

advice to the brother, put glue in her shoes.

[AnonymousPoster]

Plenty fish in the sea.

u know what I have noticed, people like to reject what constantly chases them, maybe if he stops chasing her. Ignores her for a bit, she will start chasing him. Dont ask, just watch.

[AnonymousPoster]

Plenty fish in the sea.

u know what I have noticed, people like to reject what constantly chases them, maybe if he stops chasing her. Ignores her for a bit, she will start chasing him. Dont ask, just watch.

Oh girls like to play hard to get.

Some guys too, but mainly girls, I can say that I'm a woman Lol. Sorry your going thru that, but really you're letting her have all the fun..

[INsearch]

hmm sorry if this seems off topic but... His cousin?!

[AnonymousPoster]

hmm sorry if this seems off topic but... His cousin?!

Yah :coolious:

It's totally halal ;D [(Allowed) in our religion]

You rekon ima get dun for spamming...

Hi agen =D

[INsearch]

Yah :coolious:

It's totally halal ;D [(Allowed) in our religion]

You rekon ima get dun for spamming...

Hi agen =D

Really? its aloud? thats as close as it can get tho right? I guess from a Christian background it seems very odd:rollseyes

[Zahida]

:sl: Couldn't have said it better myself.............:w::bump1:

I would advise him to stop being rejected, get over her, and move on with his life. Simple.

[AnonymousPoster]

Really? its aloud? thats as close as it can get tho right? I guess from a Christian background it seems very odd:rollseyes

Yah corse,

You're Christian?

So erm from a Christian perspective, who did Kaabil (Cain) marry? His sister? Nah?

We're all brothers and sisters, the children of Aadam and Hawa (eve)

But it takes two to tango so erm, yeah you need two people to get together to have off springs, we wouldn't be alive if our great great great great..parents didn't get together.

So erm nutin wrong wiv dat innay?

[INsearch]

Yah corse,

You're Christian?

So erm from a Christian perspective, who did Kaabil (Cain) marry? His sister? Nah?

We're all brothers and sisters, the children of Aadam and Hawa (eve)

But it takes two to tango so erm, yeah you need two people to get together to have off springs, we wouldn't be alive if our great great great great..parents didn't get together.

So erm nutin wrong wiv dat innay?

No I'm not Christian..... its just the way I was brought up (currently also)

[Re.TiReD]

Its been said before but I'll say it again. Dont chase after someody who wouldnt give you the time of day.

[S_87]

Its been said before but I'll say it again. Dont chase after someody who wouldnt give you the time of day.

Exactly.

[AnonymousPoster]

No I'm not Christian..... its just the way I was brought up (currently also)

Wow, two seconds ago you were a nobody to me, and now you're my brother!

Welcome to Islam, you will have no regrets and no doubts, I assure you that!

[AnonymousPoster]

I would advise him to stop being rejected, get over her, and move on with his life. Simple.

Its been said before but I'll say it again. Dont chase after someody who wouldnt give you the time of day.

yep this is true, and thats what i'v told him bt he says he loves her tooooo much and cant live without her.

i need some advice to give him...any wise words....something that will make him realise theres someone out there for him whos better than her for him.

[AnonymousPoster]

yep this is true, and thats what i'v told him bt he says he loves her tooooo much and cant live without her.

i need some advice to give him...any wise words....something that will make him realise theres someone out there for him whos better than her for him.

Well he knows that everything happens because that is the decree, if he was to be destined with her, he will be, if not, he won't be,

Everything is qadr Allaah. He just needs a reminder, when your in love, something strange happens to you and you forget the most basic things.#

=)

[Re.TiReD]

SubhanAllah, I really wish there was one thing that worked, one cure for a hurt or broken heart. But the fact of the matter is, there isnt. The only thing that is constant and that can keep a person going is Taqwa and hope for His (swt) mercy and forgiveness.

For desiring the creation more than we desire the pleasure of the creator, is plain silly. Wisdom lies in accepting that when one thing is taken from you, if something is not meant to be, then that is the will of Allah and we try to accept it as that.

[S_87]

i need some advice to give him...any wise words....something that will make him realise theres someone out there for him whos better than her for him.

he will have to realise this himself

[AnonymousPoster]

Does he know that this girl likes somebody else?

If so, does it not put him off knowing that even if by some bizarre miracle she ends up with him, that she'd have liked somebody else? And perhaps given the choice, she'd choose the other guy over him anyday?

he knows this, and no it doesnt put him off.

she likes this other guy and he likes her, her mum knows, his family knows, and they may end up married.

he doesnt know all those details ^^ but he knows that there is someone else in her life.

[Re.TiReD]

Love before marriage can be complicated to say the least. Most of us will have someone we like for marriage. We often notice that person and the little things they do, and we say to ourselves” Hey, I’d like to marry that person”. The problem is that we’ve been too influenced by our society. TV., movies cause us to feel a void in our lives. So we create this imaginary “Romeo and Juliet” –type scenario to fill it. One will find themselves in a flux between reality and fiction. Surprisingly, even we macho brothers do it sometimes (Though we’ll never dare tell anyone). Often times one will think that they’re in love with someone, but in reality, they’re just in love with the idea of loving someone. TV. and movies are all make-believe. The scenarios they portray about love can’t be plugged into real-life situations. So as Muslims we should remain pragmatic and not let our emotions get the best of us. I’m not saying that it’s wrong to like or even love someone before marriage; Marriages don’t have to be 100% arranged. It’s good to like a person before you marry them, granted you don’t transcend the limits set by Allah (SWT). The Prophet (SAW) acknowledged that two people who aren’t married can fall in love. He (SAW) once said: “The best thing to do for two people who are in love, is to get married.”


Just don’t get too attached to the idea of a particular person because a lot of times it doesn’t work out, and could lead to heartache. And it’s usually for naught, considering that you wouldn’t really know that person unless you were married to them; and, also considering that marriage is predestined anyway. Remember, the goal is marriage, not the person. If you find that you’re constantly thinking about someone- and just absolutely have to marry them- you‘re probably in the area of extreme love.
Since haraam types of love can be out of our control, they won’t necessarily earn us a sin; we earn a sin if we act on those feelings. But the matter can get more serious than just earning a sin. Loving haraam things can eventually lead to us negating our emaan.
taken from
http://www.interactiveislam.com/html...rticle&sid=200

Dr. Hadhrat Muhammad Abdul Hayy Sahib (Rahmatullah Alayh), used to recite a couplet of poetry. He used to say that when Almighty Allah breaks the heart of any of His servants He desires to lift him to greater heights. These shocks, anxieties and sorrows which come to men are forced exertions in the path of Deen (faith) by which men progress by leaps and bounds to higher degrees and this is not possible in normal circumstances. He frequently recited this couplet:

-یہ کھہ کے کسہ ساز پیالہ پنگ دیا
-اب اور کچھ بنائن گے اس کو بگاڑ کے

“The potter threw down the pot to break it saying that after breaking it he would re-shape it (in a better form).”

Thus, when this heart is broken, it becomes the receptacle of Allah’s mercies and divine reflections. He also used to recite another couplet:

-بتان ماہ وش اجڑی ہوئی منزل میں رہتے ہیں
-جسے برباد کرتے ہیں اسی کے دل میں رہتے ہیں

“The moon-like beloved ones take up their residence in deserted houses.
They reside in the heart of those whom they ruin.”
[”Discourses of Islamic Way of Life” ]

http://www.islamicboard.com/general/...earts-3-a.html

And: http://www.islamicboard.com/general/...e-him-her.html

[seeker-of-light]

he should move on...but that is difficult i know from experience=x

[Yanal]

Very true! If a women doesnt love you, she doesnt love u! Nothing he can do... So ye best thing for him is to move on.

Exactly . Move on I am sure the guy will find a more beautiful lady inshallah. Ameen.:)

[Lamees]

^yeah he will inshallah..
when something bad happens to a person he thinks that it is the end of the world but when time goes on he realizes that Allah chose the best for him..and will say alhamdulillah that Allah chose that..!!!
tell the brother to pray al estikhara prayer, put his trust in Allah swt and be sure that Allah will choose him the best ..

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Edit

[Cabdullahi]

I dont think its as easy as some say,its very hard to move on and you wont know until it happens to you

[Intisar]

Its been said before but I'll say it again. Dont chase after someody who wouldnt give you the time of day.

:sl: If only it were that easy.

[Al-Zaara]

he knows this, and no it doesnt put him off.

she likes this other guy and he likes her, her mum knows, his family knows, and they may end up married.

he doesnt know all those details ^^ but he knows that there is someone else in her life.

Doesn't know the details? Tell him. When it comes to this particular situation, be brutally honest.

[buddy1]

my personal opinion, you cant force someone to love you and your will get hurt more in the long run if you continue to chase, Im sure your a lovely person and in time you will find the perfect lady for you and you will wonder what on earth you were doing chasing her! its always the way, you have become acustomed to being in love with her, you just to do your best to fall out of love and be their for her as family/friend, you will just feel worse if you dont.

good luck tho :)

[qassy!]

i would ADVISE this 19 year old man to get over her.There ae plenty of other girls in the sea.

[AnonymousPoster]

Doesn't know the details? Tell him. When it comes to this particular situation, be brutally honest.

no dont, because it feels like a slap in the face. :) but tell him kindly :)

[Zahida]

:sl:......................"If you love something set it free.................. If it's meant to be it will come back to you"................... (i read that somewere):w::thankyou:

[qassy!]

:sl:......................"If you love something set it free.................. If it's meant to be it will come back to you"................... (i read that somewere):w::thankyou:

Beautiful quote

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:
what advice would you give to a guy...

she doesnt feel the same way, she has rejected him in the past. she is 17.

these two are always arguing they NEVER get on and never will. personality clash.

explain to him this. tell him to think about her bad side, etc and why they cant be good together.

he rejected other girls because he loves this girl too much....

tell him not to do that! tell him not to chase a mirage and get on wiht life-no matter how hard. he may not be able to stop loving her, but at the very least, it shouldn't stop him form finding happiness with someone else. :)

he doesnt know all those details ^^ but he knows that there is someone else in her life.

doesnt it disguist him that hes interested in anbother mans girl :muddlehea

anyway this guy, her cousin, loves her to bits and cant move on no matter how hard he tries, he just cant forget about her and loves her to bits. he cant help but feel this way...what can he do?

pass this onto him. its about treating passion :)

When no legal method exists for the lover to attain his love object

If there is no legal method that the lover can attain his loved object or because of his inability to do so, or both, then passion will become a difficult disease in this case and the afflicted person needs to feel that he cannot satisfy it. It is a fact that when the heart feels hopelessness in something, it will no longer seek to acquire it.

If the disease, passion, still exists even under these hopeless condition, then the nature of the person would have deviated and the person needs to try another solution, that is, attending to his state of mind. The person afflicted with what it cannot attain constitutes madness, and that the case is similar to whoever loves the sun, the only way to acquire it is to ascend to it! Everyone understands this is madness.
If one cannot attain his loved object because of a legal barrier that the religion erected, he should convince himself that acquiring his passion is not feasible because Allah did not allow it to happen. He should know that for his safety he should abandon such a matter and be certain that it is virtually impossible that he will ever attain it.

If one’s whose heart orders him to do evil does not comply with these cures, let the slave abandon the matter for fear of losing whoever is more beloved to him, more beneficial and who offers a longer period of contentment and joy. In this case, the afflicted person will come to realize the difference between the two objects. Therefore, one should not prefer the joy of an hour that would soon turn to pain compared to eternal joy that is incomparable. The reality of the short-lived joy is that it is a daydream or a mirage that will soon end and fade away, but the responsibility would remain.
Also, one should realize that this might lead to a hateful loss that is worse for him that losing the coveted object, and thus his loss would multiply, losing the coveted object and acquiring a hateful outcome. When one realizes these facts, then losing the coveted object because less in his heart and being patient becomes more worthwhile. The mid, religion, honor, and human nature then require the afflicted person to be patient I the face of losing a lesser loved object, for in this case, patience would soon earn him joy, contentment and happiness. On the other hand, ones ignorance, transience, injustice, and immaturity order him to prefer the lesser coveted object whatever the cost. Those whom Allah gives immunity will be saved from this end.

When ones heart does not accept this solution and dislikes using the remedy that we mentioned, let him think about what evil repercussions satisfying his lusts would bring about and what gains it would cause him to lose. He should realize that satisfying his lust is the major cause of an evil outcome in this life, as it prevents the slave from using his mind that is the controller of his actions and which should be used to lead him to benefit instead.
If ones heart still does not accept the remedy we mentioned, let him remember the shortcomings and unlikable characteristics of the coveted object, so that he might dislike the object, as well. When one thinks about this subject, he will realize that such shortcomings supersede the good qualities that made him like that object. Let him also ask the neighbors of his loved one about what he does not know of their attributes and behavior. It is a fact that as much as the good qualities river loved ones closer, the shortcomings drive them apart. Then, one should weigh the two sides and choose the best and most beloved path to take. He should not be among those who are deceived by the colour of an otherwise leprous skin, Let one think beyond the beautiful exterior of the true reality of things. Let one look beyond the beautiful shape to the inner evil of the heart.

If all those these remedies do not work, there will be no resort except seeking Allah who answers the calls of those in distress when they invoke him. Let him through himself before His Door seeking His help with humbleness, humility and meekness.

Those who are led to this type of success should act honorable ad keep their affair a secret, so as not to expose the love one to the people and cause them harm, or else he will be committing a transgression and an injustice.

healing with the medicine of the prophet :arabic5: by ibn al-Qayyimm

Plenty fish in the sea.

u know what I have noticed, people like to reject what constantly chases them, maybe if he stops chasing her. Ignores her for a bit, she will start chasing him. Dont ask, just watch.

even tho shes interested in someone else *confused*

[buddy1]

I think to tell someone there is plenty more fish in the sea is one of the worst things you can tell them, esp when they are as head over heels as this guys sounds

my fave quote is "treat them mean keep them keen" only dont treat them mean!!! thats not nice!!

just pay alot less attention just say hi when you see her, when she realises you have given up on chasing her it might dissapoint her and she may start to miss it, thats when you will realise how she really feels.

if she doesnt, then my other fave quote, You snooze you lose! its her loss and she obviously is worthy of such a nice sounding guy! :D

[AnonymousPoster]

yea..i spoke 2 him yesterday hes realising himself. he told me 2 days ago hes going to propose to her but yesterday he said theres no point in chasing one girl who dont care about him..he said life moves on and stuff.

hes realising...im glad.

[Re.TiReD]

:sl:......................"If you love something set it free.................. If it's meant to be it will come back to you"................... (i read that somewere):w::thankyou:

If you love somebody you set them free. If they return to you it was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to keep.

[MO783]

:sl:

I would advise you to help him as much as you can and advise that its not impossible to forget, as seek Allahs help.

And if its ment to happen then it will.

[Zahida]

:sl: Thankyou..........am learning from that quote myself.

I am looking left right and center ,behind me ,and ahead of me, and all i see is problems and suffering............. I really want to run away and hide!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:w::cry:

Beautiful quote

[Liberty]

Awwww unrequited love, always saddening!

Yeah as others have mentioned, he must move on.
Hard as it may be, the only way is forward and he should stop thinking about petty crushes, even if it is deeper, he should think of the entire world, it's massive, one ginormous pond for him to fish in. Surely there are more than one gold fishies :)

[AvarAllahNoor]

She doesn't like him that way, he should stop pestering her.

[Faith.]

:sl:

what advice would you give to a guy...

he loves his cousin (paki) and has done since he was 12, he is now 19.

she doesnt feel the same way, she has rejected him in the past. she is 17.

these two are always arguing they NEVER get on and never will. personality clash.

i know for a fact that she wont like him in that way, she sees him as a brother, and she likes some other guy who she may get married to, who is out of fam.

anyway this guy, her cousin, loves her to bits and cant move on no matter how hard he tries, he just cant forget about her and loves her to bits. he cant help but feel this way...what can he do?

he rejected other girls because he loves this girl too much....
__________________

I think you should try to tell him in a nice way that mabye shes not meant to be with him, because he will feel hurt and worthless if you tell him thats she doesn't love him the way he loves her.
Let him down gently but make him realise that there are plenty of better women out there, and Inshallah he'll get married to a pious beautiful woman.

:sunny:
:w:

[aiyesha]

if da girl aint interested in him he shud find another girl cuz den she might realise wot she missed out on n cum 2 him
if she dont den he shud forget about her n remember she's only 17 n she's got ages till she wants to settle down wiv sum1

[AnonymousPoster]

Anonymous2- speaking from experience it doesn't work out. I was head over heals with my cousin too. My whole world revolved around him and his around me (I think). Some stuff happened that i'm not proud of. And so as a sister i am asking you not to pursue this, but if you still cnt get her out of yr head (like me) then ask for her hand.