Dealing with loneliness

[Nova]

salaam everyone,

i am a 26 yr old med student who's looking for a bit of advice.

i feel as if for most of my adult life (and adolescence) i have been isolated with few close friends and companions. i have mostly gotten through these things with the support of my family and by participating in school activities and with the mosque but lately due to my incredibly busy schedule i dont have time for any of those things, or they're just not enough to keep me from feeling lonely. i think people find me easy going, but i cant really hang out with classmates outside of school since i dont drink or date.

personally, i would actually like to get married now, but i think it's impractical at this point with school and the fact that i'm still living at my parents' house. i also dont exactly know how i will go about the marriage process, i'm not to keen on the rishta process and dislike the dating culture so it's seems like something i have to put off for now.

so what do i do in the meantime?

i have to admit that it's getting harder and harder to resist dating someone at my age. i'm hesitant to say this, because i know how it sometimes comes across, but it's hard to resist women when many of them like you. i think i am what many people would consider to be very good looking, i get hit on many times, but i always let it go. but lately i've been wondering if this constant waiting is really worth it, if it's worth the loneliness and isolation i feel.

right now, i just dont know anymore.

[Mikayeel]

:sl: and welcome akhee

thread approved

Seeing ur a medic student these notes might be very usefull to u.

http://www.islamicboard.com/health-s...nt-review.html

A dear member took the time to write them out.


To be honest brother i as if though am in the same situation, wanting to get married but not possible yet. And having to deal with all the temptations around me. What i have found is that it gets easier the more u resist the temptations, subhanAllah its like a gift from Allah, he keeps u safe if u want to be safe.

What are the reasons that stops u getting married in more detail bro? And wher are you from if u dnt mind asking?

[Ushae]

lol this makes me laugh a little because your situation WAS really similar to mine, only I'm stuck in a marriage now :P

I'm also in the medical field, work tied me down a LOT before graduation and it's even worse after you start. Mashallah you should be very proud of yourself that you have not given into any temptation, when you had many opportunities to do so. Keep it this way, there is little point of simply resigning to yourself and 'going for it' when you waited all that time to get married properly.

I admit, I do sometimes think maybe I should have accepted gestures/offers given to me before I got married, however I don't regret it. I'm happy that I didn't associate my self with that kind of behaviour. You are doing the right thing and should be very proud, there are few that can claim this, believe me I know.

I'm curious, why do you shy away from marriage ? I don't see how the rishta process is different from dating. It just has a 'formal' aesthetic where everyone accepts it. Dating 'seems' more liberal and always leads to problems with acceptance, becuase there is never any formal commitment about dating in our faith. Personally, I think you should really go for a rishta with someone, but I stress it should be someone you like (not physically, but mentally), I really think it will help. You sound like you really want companionship right now. Unless you have the patience (which it seems you have ample of :) ) you should at least give it a shot.

Just my 2 cents.

Usman

[Zahida]

:sl: I agree with your brothers above. You have recognised your needs and now need to tend to them in the legitimate manner that Allah has given to you. If you are ready for marraige then talk to your parents and InshaAllah they might have someone in mind for you............. Marraige is a Gift from Allah. Having girlfriends/friendships etc etc leads you to commit sin. I admire that you recognise this and have resisted from temptation. Well done!:w::thumbs_up

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[Sahabiyaat]

. i think i am what many people would consider to be very good looking, i get hit on many times.

:D that bit made me laugh

im only messing akhee, i didnt think they made brothers like this anymore...^o), so you are a rare specimen!, Dont give up on that, you cant be more better looking than Yusuf (as), nor have had more temption than him. :)

Hang in there!!

some 'hoor al ayn' will come along in due time inshaAllah! lol.

[AnonymousPoster]

you could talk to your parents maybe ??
or ask a nearby imam..

[Nova]

thank you everyone for your responses.

i feel like the rishta process is very good for people for some people, but it's very hard to get a deep understanding of a person with a couple visits. and then you're supposed to be engaged and the entire thing becomes very formal and difficult to break.

you're really limited in the amount of people you can meet, you're supposed to let your parents/relatives weed people out. but i dont really think my parents understand what kind of woman i would like, their suggestions have not been very impressive. in fact, i feel like it's impossible for anyone else to really know what another person wants.

i opposed dating before because i thought it was pointless to get involved with someone if it's just for the short-term, but now that i am closer to marriage age, it's not as objectionable. the main problem of course, would be temptation. i dont exactly trust myself enough to be romantically involved with a woman and not do anything with her.

i feel like this is a really tight spot that i'm in right now. neither option looks particularly good.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ LOLcloser to marriage age?

you are waaay over-due !!!


bro FORGET dating, tell EVERYONE you know that you would like a decent pious wife, and arrange a meeting, feel the attraction - GET MARRIED


all problems solved :D inshaAllaah !

[Nova]

well i consider "marriage age" the time when you have a set career with a set income.

right now i'm living at home with massive amount of student loans.

[The Khan]

:sl:

I know exactly what you're going through bro.

I have asperger syndrome. For me, any kind of social activity is very difficult. In the past (when I was an atheist), I used to try to get a girlfriend but failed due to my eccentric behaviour. Now, it's the other way around, a few girls now and then hit on me. Luckily I have asperger syndrome, I naturally get nervous and make an excuse to dash off...or I ignore them unintentionally.

While I still feel lonely, I realised that Allah (SWT) is always there for me when nobody else will listen or try to comfort me, especially when I get emotional outbursts. I realised I'm never alone. It's either Allah (SWT) or shaytan. Would you rather seek Allah's (SWT) help or succumb to shaytan's whispering?

:w:

[-Elle-]

:sl:

It's either Allah (SWT) or shaytan. Would you rather seek Allah's (SWT) help or succumb to shaytan's whispering?

:w:

This part gave me goosebumps. haha. Mash'Allah well said bro.

To the original poster,temptation is difficult to overcome, but it is in difficult situations where you see how strong your Iman actually is.

Giving into any kind of temptation(dating and what not) will be temporarily satisfactory(or maybe not satisfactory at all). Meaningful,profound relationships are created when there is a true connection with someone,someone who shares your values, someone who possesses qualities you admire...and that can all be found in marriage.

So my first piece of advice is wait.wait. and wait. Look at other people's troubles and say AlhamdulillAh.

Secondly,to find a wife, I believe another user has mentioned a very efficient method. To those few close friends you have, mention that you are looking for a wife.Since you are not very sociable,I'd imagine that you are quite close with the friends you have,which means they know you better than anyone else.

Your friends might actually surprise you..they might have a friend who has a cousin who has a coworker who....is your soulmate.

Allahou a3lam.And in the end,it's all Naseeb bro.When it's time,she will find you:)

Insh'Allah this helped

[Zahida]

:sl: I hope you don't mind this coming from an oldie but when you get engaged part of the process and fun in this is getting to know the person and falling in love with them...........

The English live in sin get married and get divorced.........there is a woman down where i live married after living with him 7 years and then eight montths later divorce.

The "rishta" part of the process is all about getting to know each other etc etc and is the best way..........trust me. + my belief is you learn something new about your other half everyday even when you have been married 50years+ it's all part of life little one and it's not rosey!!!!:w::)

thank you everyone for your responses.

i feel like the rishta process is very good for people for some people, but it's very hard to get a deep understanding of a person with a couple visits. and then you're supposed to be engaged and the entire thing becomes very formal and difficult to break.

you're really limited in the amount of people you can meet, you're supposed to let your parents/relatives weed people out. but i dont really think my parents understand what kind of woman i would like, their suggestions have not been very impressive. in fact, i feel like it's impossible for anyone else to really know what another person wants.

i opposed dating before because i thought it was pointless to get involved with someone if it's just for the short-term, but now that i am closer to marriage age, it's not as objectionable. the main problem of course, would be temptation. i dont exactly trust myself enough to be romantically involved with a woman and not do anything with her.

i feel like this is a really tight spot that i'm in right now. neither option looks particularly good.

[Najm]

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

You are never alone!!! <<<helps me out

Just reach into your heart and, Allah is always there.

I dont know if someone is marriage material, other than when they reach adulthood, mabe someone should expand

So it seems your ready for marriage right great!

Quote: in fact, i feel like it's impossible for anyone else to really know what another person wants.

Well how about you tell you parents you want a maroon haired wide beautiful green eyes? lol >>> Bro give them you list, you ideal girl, physically and mentally :-[

then put the list of importance, i.e. iman, family person, family people, education, caring, sense of humour then beauty :-[

See what they come up with, and i guess you can say yes or no:D

Your a handsome lad, wait till some you like. and yeah the parents advice tends to be good, they have experience you know.

Anyways make your list right NOW!!!

May Allah guide you. Ameen

FiAmaaniAllah

[Liberty]

Sounds like someone needs new hobbies :)
Broaden your horizons, take up snow boarding, rollerblading or w/e's possible.
I think you've been stuck in your comfort zone for too long and until you get out of it, you are yet to discover the many wonders of life ;)